Mentor Manual 2016-17 - Pearland Independent School ... · PDF fileMENTOR MANUAL 2016‐17 ......

MENTOR MANUAL

2016‐17

Mandy Benedix

Mentor Volunteer Specialist

1928 N. Main St.

Pearland, TX 77581

281‐485‐3203

[email protected]

Table of Contents

Welcome Letter .......................................................................................... 1

District Calendar ......................................................................................... 2

Program Overview ...................................................................................... 3

Contact Information.................................................................................... 4

School Locations ......................................................................................... 5

What is a Mentor? ...................................................................................... 6

Mentor Do’s and Don’ts .............................................................................. 7

Healthy Boundaries ..................................................................................... 8

The Mentoring Relationship ....................................................................... 9

Stages of Mentoring .................................................................................... 10

Communication Tips ................................................................................... 12

Mentoring with Grit and a Growth Mindset ............................................... 13

We’ve been matched – now what………………………………………………………….. 14

Mentoring Ideas .......................................................................................... 15

Suggested First Meeting Activities .............................................................. 18

Frequently Asked Questions ....................................................................... 19

Mandy Benedix


Pearland Independent School District

[email protected]

Dear Mentor:

On behalf of Pearland ISD, thank you for choosing to serve as a mentor through RISE Mentoring. You will have the opportunity to Reach, Inspire, Support and Empower a student in this district.

We will support you throughout your journey as a mentor in Pearland ISD. It

takes a village to guide our kids in the way they should go, so never feel as if you

are in this alone.

Being a mentor is so much more about being present than about being perfect.

Josh Shipp once said, “Every child is one caring adult away from being a success

story.”!

I like to add that every adult is one decision away from changing the direction of a

young person’s life. Thank you for making that decision. You didn’t just say yes to

a “program” ‐ you said yes to a life.

We look forward to working with you and wish you a successful and exciting year!

Mandy Benedix


Pearland Independent School District

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Pearland Independent School District | 1928 N. Main | Pearland, TX 77581

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JA N u A ry 20171 2 [3 4 5 6 78 9 10 11 12 13 1415 16 17 18 19 20 2122 23 24 25 26 27 2829 30 31

Pearland Independent School District • 1928 N. Main, Pearland, Texas 77581 • 281-485-3203 • www.pearlandisd.org

* STAAR Testing (SUBJECT TO CHANGE)< > TELPAS (Assessment Window )n New Teacher Orientation

Fe b r u A ry 20171 2 3 4

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mA r c H 20171 2 3 4

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Ap r i l 20171

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JUNE 20171] 2g 3

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JULY 20171

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Holidays September 5 (Labor Day) November 21 – 25 (Thanksgiving) December 19 – 30 (Christmas) January 1 (New Year’s) January 16 (Martin Luther King, Jr.) March 13 – 17 (Spring Break) April 14 (Good Friday) May 29 (Memorial Day) July 4 (Independence Day)

Staff In-service (No school for students)

August 12 (Workday) August 15–19 (Staff Development) October 10 (Staff Development) January 2 (Workday) February 20 (Staff Development) June 2 (Workday)

[ ] Grading Periods First Semester (78 days) 1st August 22 – October 21 2nd October 24 – December 16

Second Semester (99 days) 3rd January 3– March 10 4th March 20– June 1

Early ReleaseDecember 16 June 1

Report Cards October 26

January 4 March 22

June 1 (grades PK - 4)June 14 (grades 5 - 12 Mailed)

Progress Reports September 14 October 5 November 16 February 1 February 22 April 12 May 3

School begins August 22

2016 - 2017School Year

+ Bad Weather Day g Graduation H Pearland History Month

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3

Program Overview Pearland ISD RISE Mentoring is school based mentoring that brings together caring, committed

adults from across the community to help students rise above their obstacles to succeed in

school and life.

Mentor Responsibilities:

Complete the online volunteer application for Pearland ISD and the criminal background

check.

Complete the RISE mentor application.

Attend a 2‐ hour training session with the mentor volunteer specialist before working

with their mentees.

Once matched, you will meet with your mentee on the school campus, once a week for

30 minutes for the rest of the school year.

If possible, you are allowed to follow your mentee each school year as they progress to

graduation.

Notify the campus mentor facilitator or the mentor volunteer specialist at least 24 hours

prior if you are unable to attend a meeting with your mentee.

Mentors should follow the chain of command when questions or concerns arise.

A positive mentoring relationship can make a significant difference not only in the life of the

mentee but also in the life of the mentor. Many of these kids have experienced the

disappointment of broken promises, so this is not a commitment to enter into lightly or half‐

heartedly. Just as you support your mentee, we will support and guide you!

Mentors DO NOT need to be perfect, but they do need to be present.

Contact Information

Mandy Benedix Kim Hocott

Mentor Volunteer Specialist Director of Communications

[email protected] [email protected]

281‐485‐3203 ext. 66504 281‐485‐3203 ext. 66180

www.pearlandisd.org/mentoring

Carleston Elementary Challenger Elementary Cockrell Elementary

Faith Flowers Christina Hall Xochil Hinshaw

281‐412‐1412 281‐485‐7912 832‐736‐6600

[email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

C.J. Harris Elementary Lawhon Elementary Magnolia Elementary

Christina Shaw Amy Perez Rosa Flores

281‐485‐4024 281‐412‐1445 281‐727‐1750


Massey Ranch Elementary Rustic Oak Elementary Shadycrest Elementary

Lacey Evans Brittanee Hand Debbie Coppersmith

281‐727‐1700 281‐482‐5400 281‐412‐1404


Silvercrest Elementary Silverlake Elementary Alexander Middle School

Mamie Coe Traci Mills Jackie Shepherd/Shara Schlitzberger

832‐736‐6000 713‐436‐8000 832‐736‐6700


[email protected]

Jamison Middle School Rogers Middle School Sablatura Middle School

Shannon Samuel Jermaine Dixon/Janis Peel Stefania Langley

281‐412‐1440 832‐736‐6400 281‐412‐1500


[email protected]

Berry Miller Junior High Pearland Junior High East Pearland Junior High South

Sarah Kierkiewicz/Crichelle Cockrell Dhanna Norman Debbie Lenamond/Rebecca Decker

281‐997‐3900 281‐485‐2481 281‐727‐1500



Pearland Junior High West PACE Center Dawson High School

Jennifer Bill Mary Kirksey Elizabeth Black

281‐412‐1222 281‐412‐1599 281‐412‐8800


Pearland High School Turner High School

Tara Viser Sheryl Von Ruff

281‐997‐7445 281‐727‐1600


Campus Mentor Facilitators'

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1- Carleston Elementary 3010 Harkey Rd.

2- Challenger Elementary 9434 Hughes Ranch Rd.

3- Cockrell Elementary 3500 McHard Rd.

4- Harris Elementary 2314 Schleider Dr.

5- Lawhon Elementary 5810 Brookside Rd.

6- Magnolia Elementary 5350 Magnolia St.

7- Massey Ranch Elementary 3900 Manvel Rd.

8- Rustic Oak Elementary 1302 Rustic Lane

9- Shadycrest Elementary 2405 Shadybend

10- Silvercrest Elementary 3003 Southwyck Pkwy.

11- Silverlake Elementary 2550 County Rd. 90

12- Alexander Middle School 3001 Old Alvin Rd.

13- Jamison Middle School 2506 Woody Rd.

14- Rogers Middle School 3121 Manvel Rd.

15- Sablatura Middle School 2201 N. Galveston Ave.

16- Berry Miller Junior High 3301 Manvel Rd.

17- Pearland Junior High East 2315 Old Alvin Rd.

18- Pearland Junior High South 4719 Bailey Rd.

19- Pearland Junior High West 2337 N. Galveston

20- Glenda Dawson High School 2050 Cullen Blvd.

21- Pearland High School 3775 South Main St.

22- Robert Turner High School 4717 Bailey Rd.

23-West Side Transportation 7343 Bailey Rd.

24- PACE Center 2314 Old Alvin Rd.

25- Agricultural Facility 4715 Bailey Rd.

26- Education Support Center 1928 North Main St.

27- Maintenance 1702 Mykawa

28- Transportation 3202 Plum St.

6

What Is a Mentor? A mentor is a positive role model who acts as a sounding board, a guide, a confidant and

a friend to another person.

Mentoring is really about connecting. You don’t have to have all the answers to your

mentee’s problems and shouldn’t lecture on all the things he/she should be doing. You

simply need to be a CONSISTENT presence ‐ someone your student can count on to

show up and, no matter what, provide unconditional support.

It is not an easy job, but most things in life that are meaningful and make a true impact

are not. One guarantee: As a member of Pearland ISD’s RISE Mentoring, you will have

plenty of support and tools to help you begin and maintain a relationship with the

young person with whom you are matched.

The primary mission of RISE Mentoring is that caring, committed adults in

Pearland will RISE up and accept the greatest commandment of all…to love one

another by showing up and being present in the life of a young person.

As a mentor you will work to:

Reach – To gain the trust of any young person you have to be willing to know his/her world. Likes and dislikes. What music does he/she listen to? What television shows does he/she

watch? You have to reach before you can teach. Truth be known, you might spend all of this

year right here working to reach your student. That’s okay!

Inspire – As mentors, you have to inspire the kids by role modeling to them things they would

desire for themselves. Even when they seem to be pulling away, you inspire by continuing to

show up. They will soon see that your care for them is unconditional and this is where the

inspiration comes from. We want them to hunger for more than they have now and encourage

them to go after their dreams with full abandon.

Support – Be committed to the cause. Be present. Show up. Once they begin to trust you,

they might start opening up more, sharing more, and taking more risks and they will need

support as they do so.

Empower – Help kids see more, want more and be more than they ever thought was possible.

Your time with them should empower them to advocate for themselves and they should feel

your support even when you aren’t together because of the firm foundation you have created.

Mentor Do’s and Don’ts

Mentor Do’s

Focus on building the relationship before anything else.

Come with a plan!

Learn your mentee’s name and pronounce it correctly. Let him or her know what to call you.

Be present! Give your mentee your full attention.

Show up! Keep your schedule with your mentee, and if you cannot meet at your regular time,

be sure to inform the campus mentor facilitator as soon as possible.

Maintain confidentiality (understand exceptions).

Be encouraging and positive.

Be a friend – not a parent, teacher or authority figure.

Praise hard work and effort, not talent.

Be yourself! Be honest about mistakes you’ve made or fears you have (that are age‐

appropriate).

Ask for help. You don’t have to figure things out on your own.

Role model being courteous and respectful.

Have fun! Informal activities lay the foundation for formal ones.

Allow your mentee to have a voice in choosing activities by helping him or her explore choices.

Be patient. Relationships take time to grow, and progress may seem slow at times.

Kids Spell Love “T-I-M-E”

Mentor Don’ts

Leave the student unattended or meet somewhere without informing the front office.

Overstay your visit, which takes away from instruction time.

Join in or agree with mentee’s criticism of school, family, or friends.

Get discouraged if the mentee’s progress does not meet your expectations.

Give lavish gifts or give gifts without reason. Ask campus or district facilitator before giving a gift.

Discuss your own issues with your mentee. Kids should never have to deal with adult issues.

Give out personal information, such as phone numbers or social media contact information.

Be judgmental or critical of your mentee.

Expect to change your mentee’s life overnight. Don’t take ownership of the mentee’s problems.

Lecture. Advice should not be dispensed but should be mutually discovered.

Need to have all the answers.

Wait too long to discuss concerns with campus mentor facilitator and/or mentor specialist.

7

Healthy Boundaries

What is a boundary?

A protective barrier that keeps us safe

Must be applied on a consistent and ongoing basis

They teach kids what healthy boundaries look like in relationships

How do I know if my personal boundaries have been crossed?

You feel…

Angry

Used/violated

Drained

That you want to walk away from the relationship

What are the areas where boundaries are important?

Money: How will I react if my mentee or their family requests money?

Behavior: How will I respond if my mentee uses foul language, mistreats others, or is

disrespectful to me during one of our meetings?

Self‐disclosure: How will I respond if my mentee asks about my previous experience with

drug use, past relationships, or other personal issues?

Time: How will I respond if asked why I only come once a week or if I am invited to a

weekend or evening outing with the mentee?

Religion: How will I respond if my mentee brings up the topic of religion? How much are

we allowed, in a public school, to share?

Working with parents/guardians: How will I respond if a parent asks for my contact

information? What will be my response if the parents/guardians seem to be asking me to

do certain things with and for their mentee that I am not comfortable with?

Some things to keep in mind:

Planning your response in advance will help to prevent being caught off guard.

If you are not sure how to respond, you have every right to request time to think about it.

Make adjustments to the relationship if necessary. It is better to adjust a boundary than

to walk away from a relationship.

You do not have to do this alone! If you are unsure about a situation, you can go to the

campus mentor facilitator or the district mentor specialist.

8

The Mentoring Relationship Any successful mentoring relationship will move through four definite stages. The time spent in each one of these areas differs from relationship to relationship, but the progression is uniform. Healthy mentoring relationships are evolutionary rather than static. Over time, the relationship changes as the mentee grows and develops new knowledge, skills and standards of social competence.

Getting Acquainted: The First Stage Mentors may feel nervous or uncomfortable in anticipation of the mentee introduction. In addition to age differences, you and your mentee may come from very different cultural and socio economic backgrounds and have very different life experiences. Your mentee is probably equally nervous! Go out of your way to make the first experience as comfortable as possible.

Relationships get off to a better start when mentors and mentees take time to become acquainted with one another’s interests, values and goals. In the early stages, 1‐6 meetings, communication may be awkward or difficult. For many kids, you may be the first adult that has invested time in getting to know them so this is a teachable moment for them to learn how healthy relationships form. What an awesome opportunity!

9

10

Stages of Building a Relationship

Stage 1:

Building Trust

R

Characteristics:

Getting to know each

other

Making a first impression

Trying to see the positive

in the relationship

Bonding

Effective Communication:

Ask open‐ended questions

Use body language that is open and

not guarded

Show active listening

Demonstrate empathy

Avoid “prescriptive”

communication

Use prompts

Speak with language you are

comfortable with

Don’t be afraid of silence

Stage 2:

Challenging and

Testing

I

Characteristics:

Mentee challenges and

tests the relationship

Rethinking first

impressions

Difficult feelings or

emotions may surface


Be consistent in your

communication, even if it is hard

Demonstrate respect

Build problem‐solving techniques

into your open‐ended questions

Make sure to separate behaviors

from who the mentee is

Disclose some of your own

personal feelings, experiences and

failures when appropriate

11

Stages of Building a Relationship

Stage 3:

Going Deeper

S

Characteristics:

The relationship begins to

feel right again

Trust is established

Growth in the mentee

can be observed

A “deeper” bond and

connection has formed


Continue with personal disclosures

when appropriate

Avoid advising and allow youth to

actively problem solve

Build off your knowledge of

mentee’s strengths to foster

deeper discussions

Give positive, growth‐minded

feedback and don’t be afraid to let

your mentee know when

something has hurt you

Stage 4:

Closure and Launch

E

Characteristics:

Preparing for closure

Relationship may become

deeper or mentee may

start pulling away

Reflecting


Find common language to sum up

your feelings

Provide feedback that describes the

growth you observe

Be prepared to listen and affirm

fears your mentee may have

Communication Tips

When talking to your mentee, remember to…

Clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts and distractions so you can give him or her your

undivided attention.

If your mentee is smaller than you, sit when you talk, so you are at about the same level.

Make eye contact.

Be aware of your body language. Pay attention to your mentee’s facial expressions, gestures and body language.

Read between the lines for your mentee’s feelings. Learn to say, “How did that make you

feel?”

Ask open‐ended questions. Don’t ask, “How was school yesterday?” Instead ask, “What

did you do in school yesterday?”

Restate in your own words what you think the child has said. When paraphrasing is

accurate, your mentee will feel understood. If it is off the mark, it invites him or her to

clarify and also reminds you to listen more closely.

Ask questions when you don’t understand. Put yourself in your mentee’s “shoes,” and try to understand the world from his or her

perspective.

Put aside preconceived ideas and refrain from passing judgment.

Acknowledge that you are listening by occasionally nodding your head and saying things like, “I see.”

How to kill a conversation:

Tell the speaker that the way he or she feels is wrong: “It’s silly to feel that way.” Don’t make eye contact.

Sit slouched over, look distracted, drum your fingers on the table or use some other body

language to signal to the speaker that you are not really interested.

While the speaker is talking, think about what you are going to say in reply.

Be judgmental and challenging. Ask questions that put your mentee on the spot: “Why

didn’t you do better on the test?” “Why did you say that to her?”

Interrupt the person who is talking. Finish his or her sentences. Be totally silent for minutes at a time while your mentee is talking. Don’t say “I see,” or

“OK,” or ask any questions. That way, your mentee will wonder if you are even there.

Kavanaugh.J. (1998). Everyday heroes: A guidebook for mentors. Santa Fe, NM: Wise Men & Women Mentorship Program,

“Los Sabios,” and Injury Prevention and Emergency Medical Services Bureau, Public Health Division, New Mexico Department

of Health

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13

Mentoring with Grit and a Growth Mindset WHAT IS GRIT? (Angela Duckworth) Working hard toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress. MINDSETS (Carol Dweck)

Fixed Mindset: You are born with a certain amount of intelligence or potential, and it can’t change.

Growth Mindset: You can work hard, ask for help, and try different strategies to increase your intelligence and potential.

DO YOU HAVE A FIXED OR GROWTH MINDSET? Fixed Mindset:

Challenges . . . Avoid

Obstacles . . . Give Up

Effort . . . No Point

Criticism . . . Deflect

Others’ Success . . . Feel Threatened

Growth Mindset:

Challenges . . . Embrace

Obstacles . . . Show Fortitude

Effort . . . Work Hard

Criticism . . . Learn

Others’ Success . . . Celebrate HOW TO CHANGE MINDSETS

Praise effort, not talent.

Add the word “YET” to your “I can’ts”

Teach the basics of how the brain grows like a muscle with struggle and challenge.

HOW TO BRING GRIT AND A GROWTH MINDSET TO YOUR Mentor/Mentee Relationship

Create a common language.

Model grit and a growth mindset.

Share examples of successful people who demonstrate these traits.

Celebrate the journey, not just the end result.

RESOURCES Books: Mindsets (Carol Dweck) Grit (Angela Duckworth) Mindsets in the Classroom (Mary Cay Ricci) Beautiful Oops! (Barney Saltzberg) Fostering Grit (Thomas R. Hoerr) The Dot (Peter H. Reynolds) I Am Amelia Earhart (Brad Meltzer)

YouTube Videos: Links: Richie Parker – Drive trainugly.com Nick Vuijicic mindsetkit.org People Stuck on an Escalator You Can Learn Anything You Can Grow Your Intelligence

14

We’ve been matched…now what?

You will be notified via email and/or phone call that you have been

matched. This notification will include the name of your mentee,

the name of the school, the grade level of your mentee, a little bit

about your mentee and also your start date and time to mentor.

Every time you arrive on campus to mentor you must check in at

the front office with your driver’s license.

Sign in and out of the RISE Mentoring Notebook at the front desk.

(alphabetical by your LAST NAME).

The campus mentor facilitator or other staff member will be there

to greet you your first meeting and show you where you can meet

with your mentee.

You MUST notify the campus if you are running late or if you need

to reschedule for a different day that week.

Always come with a plan and with the materials needed for that

plan. The school will not be prepared to give you something to do

with your mentee. There are many ideas on our Mentor Toolkit

page at www.pearlandisd.org/mentoring

15

Mentoring Ideas

Below are some tips and strategies for mentoring sessions. Make sure activities are suited to the age and maturity level of your mentee before trying them and that they are approved by the school and/or district. Also, be creative. This list is just a springboard to help you think of good activities. Finally, do not be too structured, but always have a plan! Spontaneity is an important part of any mentoring relationship.

1. Start by telling your mentee why you decided to become a mentor. Tell about yourself with pictures if possible. Kids are very visual these days. 2. Play games—board games such as chess, checkers, and Monopoly or Sudoku and crossword puzzles. Allow the mentee to decide on games to play together. 3. Select books you like and read them together. Get to an exciting part and finish it the next time you are together. 4. Pick a book and decide how many chapters/pages you will read a week. Discuss what you read at each visit. Ask mentee what he/she is currently reading and read it together. 5. Review previous tests and homework. 6. Do research on the Internet on a topic the mentee is interested in. 7. Learn effective study habits and time management skills. 8. Exchange favorite recipes. 9. Build something together (model car, LEGOS) 10. Construct a kite together and fly it. 11. Create a holiday, get‐well, or greeting card for a special occasion. 12. Discuss opportunities for post‐secondary education. Research two‐ and four‐year colleges, technical schools, and the meaning of financial aid. What does it take to get into college? What high school courses should be taken? It is never too early to begin planning. 13. Start a pen pal project with a group of young people in another country. 14. Listen to popular music. 15. Talk about your first job. 16. Investigate careers. 17. Write a resume. Write to a college of the student’s choice requesting information. 18. Have a pretend job interview. 19. Figure out how to program an electronic item. 20. Create a design and carve a pumpkin on Halloween. 21. Plan for a sound financial future. Discuss opening savings and checking accounts and managing credit cards. 22. Talk about friends—those that the mentee would like to have and those he/she does have.

16

Mentoring Ideas cont’d.

23. Decorate T‐shirts and wear your creations proudly. Let him/her decorate one for you to wear! (note: Pearland ISD students do have standardized dress code.) 24. Play sports, shoot basketball in the school gym. Check with school for availability first. 25. Connect with the community. Research what after‐school programs are offered in the community in which your mentee might engage. 26. Research the history of music, and write a biography of a favorite musician or instrument. 27. Walk outside on a nice day, sit outside and just talk. Always inform the school where you will be with the mentee. 28. Research ways that you both can be more environmentally‐ friendly in your daily lives. Start a campaign to educate the school. 29. Discuss travel and dream vacations. Make a budget and discuss how much it would cost to take such a vacation and ways to save for it. 30. Usher at the school play or musical concert. Or just simply show up to watch him/her perform. 31. Help with homework. Make sure that the mentee takes the lead in making this decision. 32. Discuss people you admire. Compare heroes and research your favorites. 33. Ask your mentee—if you could go back to middle school/elementary school what would you do differently? 34. Swap photos of mentees and mentors. 35. Bring pictures of each other’s families and discuss similarities and differences. 36. Play hangman. 37. Practice how to get the point across. 38. Design and paint a mural on the wall of the school (with permission, of course!). 39. Discover ways to make spelling fun. Have a new word of the week that you explore together. You can acquire the students’ weekly spelling list and play games to study. 40. Have the mentee help you solve a problem (e.g., doing something on your phone) 41. Share your life experiences. 42. Keep a journal. 43. Practice the answers to questions for the driver’s license test. 44. Work on a community service project. 45. Complete a personality inventory. 46. Help your mentee design a personal business or calling card. 47. Help your mentee craft a personal mission statement. 48. Help your mentee learn about the Covey Seven Habits for Highly Effective Teens. 49. Help your mentee organize his/her binder or locker and develop a calendar system. 50. Do an arts and crafts project (if your mentee enjoys arts and crafts). 51. Make something out of modeling clay.

17

Mentoring Ideas cont’d.

52. Make a scrapbook of the year together. 53. Research the history of the school. 54. Write a book review. 55. Make a collage or Dream Board out of cutouts from a magazine. 56. Teach a lesson about etiquette, such as how to arrange silverware for a place setting or how to make proper introductions. 57. Create a new board or card game. 58. Explore your college website and teach your student about your job. 59. Take an imaginary trip around the world and study about each place you might visit. 60. Invent something! 61. Do a fun science experiment. (Must get approval first). 62. Grow a plant together. 63. Make a family tree. Be sensitive to students from broken families. Discuss with campus mentor facilitator. 64. Write poems or rap songs together. 65. Read the newspaper and magazines together. 66. Invite a guest from a local labor market office to discuss market requirements and the fastest growing jobs today. 67. Share your dreams. 68. Discuss current events and news. 69. Plan a random act of kindness (such as putting chocolate kisses in every teacher’s box). 70. Ask your mentee where he/she hopes to be in five years? In ten? 71. Teach the alphabet, words, and phrases of a foreign language. 72. Build and launch a rocket. Do not forget to take pictures. 73. Discuss personal hygiene, health, and exercise. Make a nutrition plan together. 74. Teach how to give a good handshake. Practice makes perfect! 75. Discuss safety, such as wearing helmets when riding bikes and fire safety in the home. 76. Write and illustrate an original book together. 77. Discuss your favorite apps/websites. 78. Explore what to do in an emergency. Create a contact list and discuss 911 procedures. 79. Write an editorial and send it to the school paper or a local publication. 80. Make summer plans like finding a summer job. 81. Send your mentee a card on his /her birthday. 82. Teach how to ask a boss for a raise. 84. Write thank‐you notes. 85. Make an “activities jar” to pull from each meeting. Both you and your mentee can decide

on things to write on paper to place in the jar.

18

Suggested First Meeting Activities

Introductions:

Greet the student with a smile and a handshake.

Introduce yourself to your mentee and let him/her know how to address you.

Be confident and smile!

Ask the student if he/she has a nickname and what name he/she would like to be called. Learn how to pronounce your mentee’s name. Write it down correctly and phonetically.

Dependability:

Give your mentee the confidence that you will be dependable and will visit regularly.

Talk with your mentee about your role in the mentoring relationship.

Ask the mentee to tell you what he/she expects of you and his/her hopes for the relationship.

Discuss how you’ll let him/her know if you are unable to attend a scheduled appointement.

Acceptance:

Let your mentee know that you intend to be non‐judgmental.

Get to know your mentee by talking about shared interests.

Maintain composure if he/she initially acts in a shocking manner. He/she may try to test your limits.

Be a Friend:

Express the desire to be an encouragement, support, and friend.

Explain that you will keep everything that he/she says confidential, unless it is about something that might harm him/her in any way.

Emphasize the relationship over specific goals.

Establish your own traditions (ex: special handshake or fist bump) Activities Help Break the Ice:

Consider a game such as a simple card game and chat while you play.

Ask the student to give you a school tour‐‐‐ walking and talking might be more comfortable than sitting and talking. Also, this activity lets the mentee be in charge!

Consider an icebreaker to tell about yourselves. You might bring some questions to get things started.

Always be willing to do or discuss whatever you are asking them to do or discuss. Closure:

End each session on a positive and encouraging note.

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Frequently Asked Questions 1. Do the students choose to be in the mentor program? Students do not self‐select to be in the mentor program. They are selected based on teacher and counselor recommendations and with parent permission ‐‐ for many reasons. Some students don’t believe in their ability to be successful, and some are making risky social choices. But most just need the support of an adult friend who is not their parent, teacher or counselor. 2. What happens if my schedule changes and I have to miss a mentoring session or change my scheduled time altogether? Unexpected things can interfere with normal plans. If you find out you will have to miss a mentoring session, let the campus mentor facilitator know so he or she can inform the child. If you want to try to reschedule that week’s meeting, simply speak to the campus mentor facilitator about another possible day/time you could meet with your mentee for that week. Even if you can’t reschedule your missed meeting, it is essential that you let your mentee know that your absence had nothing to do with him or her. The most important element in mentoring is dependability. Many children have been let down numerous times by adults who made promises and then broke them. This can be avoided by simply communicating with the school when you know you can’t make your scheduled time and then having a conversation about your absence with your mentee the next time you meet. If you find out you need to change your meeting time permanently, inform the campus mentor facilitator or the district mentor specialist. 3. Can I meet or communicate with my student outside school or off school grounds?

The simple answer is no. There are two good reasons Pearland ISD insists this rule is followed:

1.) Some students have a negative opinion about school, and meeting with their mentor may be the highlight of the week. Attendance has been shown to improve because students know the mentor will be at school on a certain day of the week. We want to continue to give them as many positive experiences at school as possible.

2.) Meeting off school grounds creates liability issues. This rule is meant not only to

protect the student but also to protect the mentor from ending up in a potentially vulnerable situation. There are other excellent mentoring programs that encourage and allow off‐site mentoring if you’re interested in pursuing that.

4. Will young people and their parents be leery of a stranger like me trying to be their friend? To curb any potential fears or concerns of students and parents, the campus mentor facilitator

or counselor will do the work up front to make sure parents know the goals and guidelines of

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RISE Mentoring. We want parents to understand we are not taking their place but coming alongside them to help move their child toward success.

Once the school has obtained parent permission, the campus mentor facilitator and/or

counselor will meet with the student to share information about RISE Mentoring and the mentor. That way, it doesn’t feel as if the student is meeting a complete stranger during the first mentor/mentee session. You should anticipate some initial hesitation from the student and work to build trust and provide opportunities for both of you to get to know each other.

5. Young people’s problems are so complex. What can I possibly do?

Our kids are growing up in a complex world, but in many cases, what they need is simply to connect to a positive, caring adult. Most kids are tired of adults trying to “fix” them and their problems, so the pressure is off!

You are not there to solve their problems. You are there to listen, laugh with them, role model for them, and show them how many amazing things they can do with their life. You don’t need any kind of degree to do this. You have lived longer than they have and longer than their peers (where they get much of their advice), so use your own experience to guide you.

6. Young people and I are so different from each other. How can we be friends?

Keep in mind that although the generation gap creates plenty of differences between mentor and mentee, you have one thing in common: you’re both entering a new relationship, and that can create awkwardness for both of you. In the beginning, discuss that with your mentee so he or she recognizes that similarity too. However, as the adult, you have the benefit of a few extra years of experience and confidence. You and your mentee both have things to offer in this new relationship. Be curious, and you’ll learn from your mentee as much as he or she will learn from you. You don’t need to be an expert in today’s music, slang, clothing styles or popular apps to make a connection with a young person. On the other hand, you shouldn’t adopt a superior attitude, reminding your mentee how much he or she doesn’t know as a kid. Your student wants you to be a grown‐up ‐‐ but one who seeks a connection and intentionally looks for common ground. 7. I’m not exactly “cool.” What if my mentee doesn’t like me?

Most young people don’t expect you to be cool ‐‐ they just want you to be real. They would much rather you be yourself, complete with all your quirks and imperfections, than keep your distance for fear of being thought uncool.

If you genuinely show interest in your mentee as a unique human being who deserves to be

respected, supported and listened to, that’s really all it takes. You will be surprised at how

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quickly you will connect with your mentee when you take an interest in who he or she is without trying to hide who you are.

8. What if my mentee won’t talk to me? Shyness and awkward silence are common at the beginning of almost any relationship. These

are not an indication that you are not connecting! In our young people’s world today, face‐to‐face conversation is diminishing, so communicating verbally and not via technology is another skill you will bring to your mentee through your time together, but it will take time.

If your mentee is just quiet, do not bombard him or her with lots of questions that require a yes

or no response. Instead, use open‐ended questions, ask him or her to teach you how to do something or ask his or her advice to help build trust. Naturally‐quiet people would probably open up more if you engaged them in an activity while you talked, such as playing checkers or a card game.

9. What if I say the wrong thing? Pearland ISD does not expect our mentors to be perfect. We just expect you to be present. You

will make mistakes and say the wrong things, but this is a real‐life opportunity to show your mentee how to handle making a mistake. What a great opportunity to model humility, offer a heartfelt apology and even admit you were wrong! You may be the first adult who has ever shown your young friend this type of respect by asking for forgiveness. Seeing adults handle problems and take responsibility can help youth develop their own positive conflict resolution skills. No one learns much from perfect people.

10. What will I do if my mentee tells me something I’m not sure how to handle (e.g., he is

being abused at home, she’s being bullied at school, he’s afraid to tell his parents he’s gay)? One of the possibilities of building a safe, trusting relationship with a young person is that he or

she may begin to share intimate, unexpected or even shocking revelations. As a mentor, your job is to listen, to avoid being judgmental and to share this sensitive information with the campus mentor facilitator or the counselor. By law, any suspected neglect or abuse of any kind MUST be reported. Whether or not you know it to be true is not up to you. It must be reported to the campus mentor facilitator or the counselor immediately.

Setting confidentiality guidelines early with your mentee is critical. During one of your first

meetings, you and your mentee can discuss what you expect from each other. Explain that you will be an open listener without bias or judgment, but you will always try to do what is best for your young friend. Talk generally about physical and emotional health and safety issues that might require help from other people. Assure your mentee you will always act with his or her best interests in mind. If you ever need to seek outside help for your mentee, you can refer back to the promises you made in this early conversation.

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11. What if my mentee seems to not need a mentor? They appear to be very happy and well adjusted. I’m not sure I am needed. We don’t discuss anything “deep.” Everything we do is surface level fun. Someone in this child’s life – that knows them better than you do – saw a need in them that they felt a mentor might be able to meet. As a mentor, try to not go into the relationship looking for a problem to solve. Many times you won’t find that and then you feel like you are not needed and that your time together playing games is “wasted.” Instead, go into the relationship simply looking to spend some uninterrupted quality time with a young person. All focused and intentional time spent is quality time. You do not have to be discussing a tragic incident in the person’s life for your time with them to be important. Maybe playing a simple card game with this young person is something that they have always wished that another adult in their life would do…so, you are in fact meeting a need. Never, ever base the value of your time spent together on what you spent doing. Instead, know that the value lies in the fact that you showed up for someone. These informal activities absolutely set the stage for possibly more formal ones in the future. By simply, “hanging out” and not expecting any more from your mentee than what they bring each week you are possibly earning the right into their story in the future. We all need validation that what we are doing is making a difference, but just know that more often than not you are not going to find this validation from the child you are working with. That is normal and that is okay.

Mentor Manual 2016-17 - Pearland Independent School ... · PDF fileMENTOR MANUAL 2016‐17 ......

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