1. 1. MENS ISSUES IN PASTORAL CARE THE PROVISON OF PASTORAL CARE REQUIRED TO DEAL WITH DIVORCED MEN PRESENTER: RANDOLPH A. RICHARDS
2. 2. OBJECTIVES The objectives of this presentation is to: 1. State what is divorce 2. State the factors that led men to a path of divorce 3. State its impact on men, children, and church. 4. The Role of the Pastor in dealing with divorced men
3. 3. WHAT IS DIVORCE Divorce (or the dissolution of marriage) is the termination of a marital union, the cancelling and/or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of the particular country and/or state. Divorce should not be confused with annulment, which declares the marriage null and void; with legal separation (a legal process by which a married couple may formalize a de facto separation while remaining legally married) or with de facto separation (a process where the spouses informally stop cohabiting).
4. 4. WHAT IS DIVORCE CONTD Divorce was invented for the protection of women and was for a long time the sole prerogative of men, who made the laws and called the womans conduct perverse just as it suited them. Divorce in early Rome was practically the same as it was among the Jews at the time of Christ. It was said by the old Hebrew authorities to have been permitted for the sake of domestic peace, to check the pride or disobedience of wives and the anger of husbands.
5. 5. WHAT IS DIVORCE CONTD It is important to remember Malachi 2:16: I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel. According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate (Matthew 19:6). God realizes, though, that since marriages involve two sinful human beings, divorces are going to occur. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws in order to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of peoples hearts, not because they were Gods desire (Matthew 19:8). .
6. 6. WHAT IS DIVORCE CONTD The controversy over whether divorce and remarriage is allowed according to the Bible revolves primarily around Jesus words in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. The phrase except for marital unfaithfulness is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives Gods permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this exception clause as referring to marital unfaithfulness during the betrothal period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or betrothed. According to this view, immorality during this betrothal period would then be the only valid reason for a divorce.
7. 7. FACTORS THAT LEAD MEN TO THE PATH OF DIVORCE Adultery Financial Difficulties Work Stress and Obligations Depression Addictions
8. 8. THE IMPACT THAT DIVORCE HAVE ON Men Anger Loss of Self-Esteem Loss of status Alcohol and Drugs Difficulty Trusting Women
9. 9. THE IMPACT THAT DIVORCE HAVE ON CHILDREN Aggression Non Compliance Perceived parental loss Interpersonal conflict Economic hardship Life stress Less parental supervision Lower academic achievement
10. 10. THE IMPACT THAT DIVORCE HAVE ON Church The way in which the church responds to individuals and couples during the time of their separation and divorce appears to have a significant impact on them and their view of the church as a supportive community. Two separate studies conducted in the South Pacific Division (SPD), and in the North American Division (NAD) have found that 50 per cent of those surveyed dropped out of the church after their divorce. In the SPD study it was found that all these people had left the church within three years of their divorce. In the NAD study, 17 per cent had already quit attending prior to the time of their divorce, and another 17 per cent had stopped attending either at the time of the divorce or during its aftermath.
11. 11. Frequently the local church and its ministry leaders find it difficult to know how they might respond to people who are experiencing marital distress and the break up of their family. Congregations appear to be quickly drawn into "taking sides" or, on the other hand, to see intervention and support as an intrusion into the private lives of the couple and the family. While there are a number of factors that influence the way in which individuals go about resolving the social dislocation and emotional trauma created by separation and divorce, e.g., personality, social skills, level of self esteem and self confidence, ways of handling conflict and stress, ways of perceiving the church, one theme was dominant in the responses of those surveyed. Nearly everyone felt bewildered by the reactions of embarrassment, disapproval, and non-acceptance from church members towards their marital crisis.
12. 12. VIDEO
13. 13. PASTORS RESPONSE IN DEALING WITH DIVORCED MEN Listen carefully to whatever pain and frustration is expressed. Ensure safety Assess the possibility of saving the marriage. Focus on making quality Assess the persons coping skills. Make an effective referral for professional counselling.
14. 14. BIBLIOGRAPHY Kitchin, S.B., A History of Divorce; NJ: Lawbook Exchange, 2005. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/1996/03/the-crisis-of-divorce http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/6-divorce-effects-on-men-you-should-know http://family.adventist.org/home---divorce-and-remarriage-in-the-seventh-day- church---the-impact-of-divorce-on-sda-couples.html http://www.gotquestions.org/divorce-remarriage.html#ixzz3VUQhUvlv