Men in Black1

8/21/2019 Men in Black1

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Men In Black

by

Ed Solomon

EXT. ROAD -- TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER -- NIGHT

A million stars wink in the night desert sky. Down here

on earth, an

insect, one of those big, beautiful, multicolored four-

winged obs, glides

effortlessly on the bree!e, wafting along through the

cris" #e$as air.

#he insect di"s, it banks, it does loo"-the-loo"s -- and

then S%&A#S

unceremoniously against the windshield of a white 'an

that(s tearing down

the road.

INT. VAN -- TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER -- NIGHT

#he D)I*E) of the 'an, a fifty-year-old American, turnson the wi"ers,

smearing the remains all o'er.

DRIVER

+oddamn bugs.

e suirts some wi"er fluid onto the glass, which clears

it u" a bit, but

now he sees something worse u" ahead. It(s a grou"ing of

headlights, eight

of them, all "ointed at him, sealing off the road.

e bites his li" and calls o'er his shoulder, to the back

of the 'an. e

s"eaks in S"anish, which is subtitled.

DRIVER (CONT'D)

Dea me hablar.

&et me do the talking./



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#he 'an slows to a sto" in front of the "arked cars, all

go'ernment-issue

four doors with 0I1S0 stenciled on the sides. Se'en or

eight I1S A+E1#S

stand in front of the cars im"osingly. #heir a""arent

leader ste"s forward

and comes to the window.

#he D)I*E) rolls it down. A+E1# 2A13S, blonde-haired,

blue-eyed, also

go'ernment issue, looks at him and sighs.

AGENT JANUS

4ell. 1ick the Dick. 4hat a sur"rise. 4hereyou comin( from5

DRIVER

I was fishing in 6uerna'aca.

AGENT JANUS

Sure you were. 4hat do you say we ha'e a

look at your catch5

AT THE BACK OF THE VAN,

the Agents fling o"en the rear doors, re'ealing a D78E1

9)I+#E1ED

ME:I6A1S, ho"eful immigrants without official "ermission.

Agent 2anus

looks at the Dri'er, who(s now held by two other Agents,

and shakes his

head.

AGENT JANUS

Me, I woulda thrown (em back.

to the "assengers, in S"anish/

*amanos. 9uera. agan una lina;

&et(s go. 7ut. 9orm a line;/

#hey "ile out of the 'an. Some are "arents with small

children.

AGENT JANUS (CONT'D)

4hat do you get, 1ick5 undred bucks a


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head5 #wo hundred5 I ho"e you sa'ed it all

for your lawyer, "al, (cause you(re gonna

need --

e sto"s in the middle of his sentence, as another car is

a""roaching,

fast, its engine 4I1I1+ as it barrels down the road

toward them. Se'eral

Agents "ull their wea"ons.

#he new car "ulls a hard right, goes off the road, s"ins

around the I1S

cars, and S?@ 9ord D.

#47 ME1 get out, dressed in "lain black suits, cris"

white shirts, sim"le

black ties, shiny black shoes. A, fiftyish, is the

a"otheosis of

world-wearyC his "artner, DEE, mid-si$ties, is ust

weary. #hey a""roach

the I1S agents.

KAY

4e(ll take it from here.

AGENT JANUS

4ho the hell are you5

ay and Dee flash some form of ID.

KAY

I1S Di'ision @.

AGENT JANUS

Di'ision @5 I ne'er heard of Di'ision @.

KAY

)eally5

ay and Dee mo'e "ast him and a""roach the row of ner'ous

immigrants.

KAY (CONT'D)


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4hat(re we thinking, Dee5

DEE

#ough call, ay.

e walks down the row, studying the faces, greeting each

one cheerily in

S"anish.

KAY

;7ye;


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'erdad, amigo5

ou don(t s"eak a word

of S"anish, right, friend5/

Again, the +uy smiles and nods. ay looks back at Dee.

KAY (CONT'D)

4e got a winner.

to the others/

&os restos estan libres a irse. &argense;

#he rest of you are free

to go. Scram;/

AGENT JANUS

Sir;

KAY

#omen el camion, y 'ayeuse.

+et on the road and go./

AGENT JANUS

Sir, you can(t ust --

KAYDon(t 0Sir0 me; ou ha'e no idea who you(re

dealing with;

Silence on the road. #he Dri'er grins, um"s back in the

front seat of the

'an. #he others "ile into the rear and they tear out of

there.

KAY (CONT'D)

to 2anus/

4e(re gonna ha'e a little chat with our

friend here. ou boys can hit the road ...

and kee" on "rotecting us from dangerous

aliens.

ay and Dee escort their ca"ti'e across the road and o'er

a small rise,

lea'ing the stunned I1S agents standing alone in the

roadway.

AGENT JANUS


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ou e'er heard of Di'ision @5

2ND INS AGENT

#here is no Di'ision @.

3RD INS AGENT

4ho are those guys5

EXT. DESERT CEARING - NIGHT

ay and Dee lead their ca"ti'e into a clearing in the

desert brush. Dee

"ulls an enormous handgun from a shoulder holster and

stays a "ace or two

off, co'ering him. ay has an arm dra"ed around the man(sshoulders.

KAY

I think you um"ed off the bus in the wrong

"art of town, amigo. In fact, I(ll bet

dollars to "esos that you(re not --

e "ulls out a small laser de'ice, which he 8I%S neatly

down the front ofthe man(s clothes.

KAY (CONT'D)

-- from anywhere near here.

#he man(s clothes fall to the ground, re'ealing what he

really is

underneath -- A S6A& S%A6E BAS#A)D, about four-and-a-

half feet tall, with

a snouth, snail-like tentacles, and inde"endently mo'ing

eyes on stalks at

the to" of his head.

#he only "art of his camouflage not crum"led to the

ground is the

humanesue 0head,0 which he still lamely holds in one of

his hands. It(s

"ro""ed u" by a stick, like a "u""et, and it continues to

make e$"ressionsas he holds it.


7/146

KAY (CONT'D)

Mikey5; 4hen did they let you out of ail5

MIE re"lies -- an unfathomable combination of +)31#S,

S


8/146

KAY (CONT'D)

Dee; Shoot him;

Dee struggles to roll o'er and change the controls on his

gun, which fell

out of his hand as he hit the ground.

KAY (CONT'D)

Dee, for 6hrist(s --

Mikey kee"s mo'ing, co'ering the last few yards to 2anus

uickly. e ste"s

on a rock, launches himself into the air, his dri""ing

aws cranked wideo"en --

-- there is a SI88&I1+ sound, a brilliant white flash --

-- and Mikey E)3%#S in a geyser of blue goo that

s"latters all o'er the

ground, the trees, and Agent 2anus( face. Behind where

Mikey was, ay

stands, smoking wea"on in hand.


7n the road, the I1S A+E1#S "ull their guns and run

toward the rise.

EXT. DESERT CEARING -- NIGHT

ay has an arm around 2anus, whom he is leading further

into the clearing.

2anus is white, shaking, eyes like sil'er dollars.

AGENT JANUS

#h -- th -- th --

KAY

hel"ing/

0#hat.0

AGENT JANUS

#hat wasn(t -- wasn(t -- wasn(t --


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KAY

uman, I know. 7o"s. +ot some entrails on

you.

e takes out a handkerchief and wi"es off the Agent(s

face. As he does,

2anus looks back to where Mikey blew u". #hen at ay. And

then u" at the

stars.

#he other I1S Agents burst o'er the rise, S73#I1+

uestions.

KAY7kay, e'erybody, situation(s under control,

calm down. If you(ll ust gi'e me your

attention for a moment I(ll tell you what

ha""ened.

9rom o'er the rise, car engines 4I1E in the distance and

headlights start

to flash around them. ay reaches into his "ocket and

"ulls out a tubularmetallic de'ice the si!e of a "ocket recorder. e checks

his watch,

figures in his head, then dials an electronic counter on

the side of the

de'ice u" to 0?.0

KAY (CONT'D)

#his is called a 0neuraly!er.0 A gift from

some friends from out of town. #he red eye

here isolates and measures the electronic

im"ulses in your brain. More s"ecifically,

the ones for memory.

Behind him, si$ more ME1 I1 B&A6, all wearing black

suits and sunglasses,

come o'er the hill. ay barks a few orders to them.

KAY (CONT'D)

+imme a s"lay burn on the "erimeter, "leaseCholes at F, @, and ?.


10/146

2ND INS AGENT

4hat in the hell is going on5;

KAY

E$actly the right uestion. And the answer

lies right -- here. %ay attention.

JANUS

4ho are you, really5

KAY

)eally5 I(m ust a figment of your

imagination.

e holds u" the neuraly!er. #he Agents "eer closely atit. ay reaches

into his "ocket, "uts on his own black sunglasses --

-- and "ushes a button on the side of the neuraly!er. A

B&I1DI1+ 9&AS a

tenth of a second long sears the Agents( eyeballs. #hey

stare blankly.

KAY (CONT'D)+od, we(re a gullible breed.

Behind him, #71+3ES 79 9I)E blast from a flame thrower

held by one of the

Men in Black. ay looks back at the I1S Agents, who are

ust coming

around, as if awakening from a concussion.

KAY (CONT'D)

I mean it, fellas, you are lucky to be

ali'e after a blast like that.

#he Agents look around, confused.

AGENT JANUS

4hat -- blast5

ay gestures behind him, where the Men in Black are now

using firee$tinguishers to douse the flames they themsel'es

started.


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KAY

3nderground gas 'ein, genius. ou guys need

to e$ercise more caution before discharging

your firearms.

e abs a finger into 2anus( chest.

KAY (CONT'D)

Es"ecially you.

Dee has mo'ed away from them all and is sitting on a

rock, staring u" at

the night sky, his sunglasses dangling idly from one

hand. ay ste"s awayfrom the grou" and finds him. e sits down ne$t to him.

DEE

I(m sorry. About...back there.

KAY

a""ens.

DEEDidn(t used to.

e holds u" his hands, which tremble with age.

DEE (CONT'D)

#he s"irit(s willing, ay, but the rest of

me...

e looks u", at the million stars shining o'erhead.

DEE (CONT'D)

#hey(re beautiful, aren(t they5

KAY

4hat5

DEE

#he stars. 4e ne'er ust -- look. Anymore.

back to ay/I(ll tell ya, ay. I will miss the chase.


12/146

ay "ulls his neuraly!er from his "ocket and looks down

at it.

KAY

1o. ou won(t.

EXT. GRAND CENTRA STATION -- SOUTHERN EX!OSURE -- NIGHT

A shot of the clock on the Station(s stately southern

e$"osure. 4E %A1

DO"N TO...

A "air of feet running. #hey belong to a man we will know

as the

%E)%E#)A#7). As we track with him, he S%EEDS 3% and 73#79 9)AME.

A new set of feet come into frame. #hese belong to 2AMES

ED4A)DS, a 16

67% in underco'er street clothes. In the BA6+)731D,

about ten feet

behind, are two other co"s, trying to kee" u".

Edwards is a lot faster, though. e "ulls out his badgethat hangs from a

chain under his shirt.

ED"ARDS

Sto"; 1%D;

e continues running, out of frame, and we stay on one of

the other 67%S,

o'erweight, who gi'es u" the chase and dro"s to his

knees, hea'ing air.

CO!

All yours, Edwards;

#he 6o" fumbles in his "ocket for a "ack of cigarettes.

TRACK "ITH ED"ARDS AND THE !ER!

As they run down the bridge that tra'erses %ark A'enue inthe low 9orties.


13/146

#he %er" 'eers to the left and, seemingly obli'ious to

the fact that it(s

a thirty-foot dro", he hurdles the guard rail, and dro"s

to 9orty-first

Street below.

ED4A)DS is sur"rised by this maneu'er, but doesn(t waste

a second. e,

too, hurdles the guard rail and lands on...

EXT. #$ST STREET AND !ARK AVENUE - NIGHT

A D73B&E-DE6E) B3S, one of those cheesy sightseers that

hold u" midtown

traffic. #he bus, of course, is com"letely filled with2A%A1ESE #73)IS#S,

and it seems like e'ery single one of them has a 'ideo

camera.

ED4A)DS "ushes through the crowd...

ED"ARDS

+rand 6entral Station off to your left,

folks...

4ith the bus still mo'ing, he scrambles down the circular

stairs and runs

out through the side door.

e s"ots the %er", sailing east on 9orty-first Street.

ED"ARDS

Dammit, man, you(re making me sweat u" my

gear;

Edwards s"ots one of those 1ew ork %ost deli'ery trucks,

the kind with

the o"en back door, rumbling by. e runs and um"s into

the back.

EXT. FIFTH AVENUE -- NIGHT

#E %E)%, meanwhile, is running at to" s"eed, whenEdwards glides into

frame, leaning off the back of the truck.


14/146

ED"ARDS

o, man, your luck ust ran out.

e lea"s from the back of the mo'ing truck and tackles

the %er".

#he %er", now straddled by Edwards, is terrified.

!ER!

e(s coming; e(s coming;

ED"ARDS

And when he gets here, I(ll kick his ass

too.

Edwards is about to sla" the cuffs on him, when the %er"

blinks. 1othing

unusual about that, but then another set of translucent,

milky white

eyelids, underneath his regular eyelids, blinks also.

Edwards is thrown for a moment, which is all the time the

%er" needs to"ull out...

is 4EA%71, which is the strangest looking gun you('e

e'er seen. )eacting

uickly, Edwards bats it out of the %er"(s hand.

#E 4EA%71 smashes into the stone wall surrounding

6entral %ark and

SA##E)S into a million "ieces.

ED"ARDS

4hat the...

47M%; #he %er" kicks him in the nuts, then scrambles to

his feet and

takes off again. Edwards staggers after him, in "ain.

#he %er" lea"s o'er a mo'ing car, towards the +3++E1EIM

M3SE3M. Edwardstries to follow, but a bus "ulls in front of him. After

it "asses, the


15/146

%er" is gone.

EXT. GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM -- NIGHT

Edwards runs o'er to the Museum, leans o'er the wall that

surrounds it,

and in the ne$t instant...

#he %er" flies "ast him, ha'ing lea"t from twenty feet

down to the to" of

the +uggenheim. e scrambles u" and o'er the ledge.

Edward reacts. e runs to the front door of the Museum,

shoots it o"en and

runs inside.

e runs from the rotunda u" the grand ram" of the

+uggenheim.

EXT. GUGGENHEIM MUSEUM -- ROOF -- NIGHT

7n the roof, the %E)% reaches the to", climbs o'er the

edge, and 6)316ES

to the gra'el surface. e lea"s to his feet and raceso'er to a door. It(s

locked.

e tugs on another. It(s locked too. e "ulls on a third.

It swings o"en --

-- re'ealing ED4A)DS on the other side, breathing hard.

e aims his wea"on

at the %er".

ED"ARDS

4assu"5

#he %er" S6)EAMS inhumanly and "anics. e back"edals,

toward the edge of

the roof.

!ER!

e(s coming; e(s coming because I failed,and now he(ll kill me too;


16/146

ED"ARDS

Sto";

!ER!

ou don(t understand. our world is gonna

end.

But the %er" has backed right into the edge of the roof,

and now he starts

to fall o'er. #he %er" blinks.

ED"ARDS

4hat are you5;

#he %er" looks down. e decides.

-- and he falls, S6)EAMI1+, to his death.

CUT TO%

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT

ED4A)DS sits on one side of the table, a %7&I6E I1S%E6#7)

and a 31I97)MEDSE)+EA1# the one who ga'e u" the chase and lit a

cigarette earlier/, sit

across from him.

INS!ECTOR

%er"etrator then blinked two sets of

eyelids. ou mean blinked with both eyes5

ED"ARDS

1o, sir. e blinked once with one set, then

again with another com"letely different set.

SERGEANT

Sort of a low beam, high beam.

INS!ECTOR

4as that before or after he drew the wea"on

which you claim e'a"orated into a million

"ieces5

ED"ARDS


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After, sir.

INS!ECTOR

And why do you su""ose none of the other

officers saw either of these two e'ents5

ED"ARDS

(6ause some of the other officers are a

little soggy in the midsection. And they

couldn(t kee" u", sir.

SERGEANT

ey, Edwards, if you were half the man I

am --

ED"ARDS

4hat do you mean5 I am half the man you are.

SERGEANT

4hat the hell is your "roblem5

ED"ARDS

My "roblem is you being all u" in my damn

face all the time.

SERGEANT

I think he threw him off the roof. #en

minutes -- your best shot.

INS!ECTOR

cutting off the Sergeant/

Sergeant. I want to talk to you outside.

1ow.

ED"ARDS

ou need ten minutes on a Stairmaster, you

"udgy bastard.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM -- ATER -- NIGHT

A woman sneaks into the room. D76#7) &A3)E& 4EA*E),

thirtyish,

dark-haired, dark-eyed, general aura of darkness aroundher, stands abo'e


18/146

him. &aurel looks like she was ust dragged out of bed

which she was/ and

saw a s"aceman which she did/. She looks o'er her

shoulder once, then

whis"ers to him.

AURE

&aurel 4ea'er. De"uty Medical E$aminer. I

belie'e you. I o"ened him u". 9ind me at

the morgue. 7n G@th. I(ll tell you what I

found.

ED"ARDS

ey...4ait a minute. 4ait a minute.

AURE

turning at the door/

ou ha'e really "retty eyes.

She hurries to turn the corner, but is S#7%%ED by someone

who remains ust

offscreen.

VOICE (O.S.)Dr. 4ea'er, from the coroner(s office5

4orking on the 2ohn Doe5

Edwards twists in his chair, to get a better look. All he

sees is &aurel,

facing whoe'er it is in the hallway.

AURE

es. #hat(s right.

VOICE (O.S.)

4ould you look right here, "lease.

#he Someone says something else and &aurel ste"s forward,

now also out of

Edwards(s line of 'ision.

AURE (O.S.)

&ook where5


19/146

Edwards stretches e'en further in his seat, when there is

a blinding 9&AS

from the corridor. )eally curious now, he starts to get

u" --

-- when A ste"s into the room and closes the door

behind him. Edwards

rolls his eyes.

KAY

Some night, huh5

ED"ARDS

7h, yeah, some night.

e crosses to the door.

KAY

#hey were gills.

Edwards sto"s.

KAY

1ot eyelids.

ED"ARDS

4ho are you5

KAY

Did he say anything to you5

ED"ARDS

scoffing/

eah, sure. e said the world was coming to

an end.

KAY

Did he say when5

ED"ARDS

ou(re kidding, right5

KAY4ould you recogni!e his wea"on if you saw

it again5


20/146

ED"ARDS

Absolutely.

KAY

&et(s take a ride.

ED"ARDS

4ait a minute. I got a ton of "a"erwork.

KAY

It(s all done.

At that "oint, the I1S%E6#7) sticks his head in, smiles

and gi'es Edwardsthe thumbs u".

INS!ECTOR

+ood work, Edwards.

Edwards looks at the Ins"ector, then at ay. As they

lea'e.

KAYou ran that guy down on foot5 #hat(s tough.

#hat(s double tough.

CUT TO%

INT. FORD TD - A MOMENT ATER - DRIVING

In a "lain, bo$y 9ord, ay dri'es, silent. e raises his

hand and nods to

a black MIB truck coming in the o""osite

direction.Edwards, in the

"assenger seat, is still in his underco'er outfit.

ED"ARDS

So who you with5

ay says nothing.

ED"ARDS (CONT'D)ou got the "lain clothes, the

go'ernment-issued wheels. Secret Ser'ice5


21/146

CIA&

ay remains utterly silent.

ED"ARDS (CONT'D)

referring to the car/

eah, well, whoe'er it is, you(re short on

funding.

KAY

1othing is what it seems, kid.

ED"ARDS

7h, yeah, my bad (?@ 9ord D. #hat(s a

lu$ury ride. 6(mon, who ya with5

ay "ulls the car to a sto".

KAY

I(m "art of a secret organi!ation that

monitors and "olices alien acti'ity on earth.

ay o"ens the door and gets out of the car. Edwards

follows.

EXT. !A"N SHO! - NIGHT

Edwards looks around. Sees they(re standing in front of a

%A41 S7%.

ED"ARDS

#his is where we(re going5

#hey get out of the car.

ED"ARDS (CONT'D)

2ack 2eebs5 +uy buys from chain snatchers.

Doesn(t e'en sell guns.

KAY

)eally5

ED"ARDSAll right, you think it(s worth shaking him

u", fine. I(ll do my thing. #hen I want some


22/146

answers.

KAY

Do your 0thing,0 kid. Edwards goes inside.

INT. !A"N SHO! - NIGHT

2A6 2EEBS is the slea!y, sarcastic "ro"rietor of the

%awn Sho". e(s not

easily intimidated.

JEEBS

7fficer Edwards. 7h, hey, gee!, how(d these

get here5 I thought I turned (em in to the

"ro"er authorities.

e casually brushes some )ole$es off the counter.

ED"ARDS

4ay I hear it, 2eebs, you into something a

little hotter than some stolen )ole$es.

JEEBS

Sure -- I(m a big crack dealer now. I ustwork here because I lo'e the hours.

#his "isses Edwards off. e grabs 2eebs by the collar.

ED"ARDS

getting angry/

I(m talking about guns, 2eebs. igh-tech

stuff.

JEEBS

6(mon, Edwards, whatcha see is what I got.

KAY (O.S.)

4hy don(t you show him the im"orts, 2eebs.

At the sound of ay(s 'oice, 2eebs suddenly "ales, a look

of fear coming

o'er his face.

JEEBS

-hiya ay, how are you5


23/146

KAY

#he im"orts, 2eebs. 1ow.

JEEBS

ou know I got outta that business a long

time ago, ay.

KAY

4hy do you lie to me5 I hate it when you

lie.

e "ulls his own gun and aims it at 2eebs( forehead.

JEEBS4hoa, whoa, ay, hold on a minute here...

KAY

I(m going to count to three.

Edwards, seeing that ay is getting somewhere, oins in

the routine.

ED"ARDSe(ll do it, 2eebs.

KAY

7ne.

ED"ARDS

I('e seen him do it.

KAY

#wo.

ED"ARDS

#alk to me, 2eebs, he(s cra!y when he(s

like this.

JEEBS

e(s always cra!y.

to ay/

#ake a cruise. +et a massage --

KAY


24/146

#hree.

A-B77M; ay blows 2eebs( head off and 2eebs( body

colla"ses to the floor.

Edwards is shocked.

Edwards "ulls his own wea"on and "oints it at ay(s head.

ED"ARDS

%ut down the gun and "ut your hands on the

counter;

KAY

I warned him.

ED"ARDS

Dro" the wea"on;

KAY

ou warned him.

ED"ARDS

ou are under arrest. ou ha'e the right to

remain silent.

KAY

4ill you rela$5

JEEBS (O.S.)

irritated/

Don(t do that.

Edwards whirls around to see 2eebs( B7D, growing another

head. 7nly takes

four or fi'e seconds. ay calmly sho'es his gun u"

against 2eebs(

baby-soft new cheek.

JEEBS (CONT'D)

Do you know how much that hurts5

KAY

Show us what you got, 2eebs. 7r I(ll use u"another one.


25/146

2eebs, "anicked, hits a button on the underside of the

counter, which

"rom"tly fli"s o'er, re'ealing yet another dusty shelf,

"iled high with

unk --

-- but this is all alien unk. 4ea"ons, mostly, bi!arre,

otherworldly

wea"ons of all sha"es and si!es.

KAY

Edwards5

Edwards, still da!ed by 2eebs( regrown head, glances down

at all thewea"ons.

ED"ARDS

3h, this. #his is what I saw.

ay looks at 2eebs, "issed off.

KAY

ou sold a carboni!er with im"losion ca"acityto an unlicensed ce"hla"oid.

JEEBS

e looked all right to me.

KAY

A carboni!er is an assassin(s wea"on, 2eebs.

4ho was the target5

JEEBS

I don(t know.

ay raises the wea"on again, threatening.

KAY

2eebs;

JEEBS

I don(t know;


26/146

ay lowers his gun, gestures to the shelf full of

wea"ons.

KAY

#his is all confiscated. All of it. I want

you on the ne$t trans"ort off this rock. 7r

I(ll shoot you where it doesn(t grow back.

2eebs nods, "oint taken. ay lea'es.

ED"ARDS

eah. I(ll be by tomorrow for those )ole$es.

Shaken, Edwards follows.

EXT. !A"N SHO! -- NIGHT

Edwards staggers out of the sho", trying to get the day(s

e'ents straight

in his head.

ED"ARDS

#he eyelids, fine ... and the um"ing thing

... and the gun ... okay, but the head5

KAY

Searching for a handle on the moment here5

A "lace to file all this.

ED"ARDS

See a head doesn(t do that, it doesn(t ust

grow back.

looking u"/

4hat(s going on5

KAY

6an(t hel" you, kid. 7nly comfort I can

offer is that tomorrow, you won(t remember

a thing.

ED"ARDS

7h, no. #his I(m gonna remember for a long,

long time.


27/146

ay "ulls the neuraly!er from his "ocket. e hesitates

for the briefest of

moments -- as if this "articular neuraly!ation is

different than all the

others.

#hen he "uts on his sunglasses.

KAY

E'er see one of these5

CUT TO%

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

-- the flash dims on ED4A)DS and A, sitting at a table

in a 6hinese

restaurant.

KAY

finishing a oke/

-- and the wife says yeah, arry, I know,

but this one(s eating my "o"corn;

e busts out laughing. Edwards, across from him, is

com"letely

disoriented. e looks down. #here(s a half-eaten order of

broccoli beef

and se'eral em"ty bottles of beer on the table in front

of him.

ED"ARDS

uh5

ay checks his watch.

KAY

4hoo"s. +otta run. #hanks for the egg rolls.

ED"ARDS

4here am I5

KAYSee what I mean about teuila5 ou(re a

bright young man, 2ames. 2ust lay off the


28/146

sauce. I(ll see you tomorrow, nine a.m.

shar".

e turns and walks out. Edwards checks his watch. A

4AI#)ESS a""ears.

"AITRESS

Another beer5

ED"ARDS

6offee. %lease.

She walks off. Edwards looks at the table. #here is a

business card lying

ne$t to his "late, on which ay has handwritten 02ames D.Edwards,

Saturday, > a.m., HF Battery Dri'e.0

Edwards looks at it, "u!!led. e turns the card o'er and

looks at the

other side. #here(s not much there, no name, no "hone or

fa$ number, no

e-mail address. 2ust three little letters, dead in the

middle of the card

MIB

CUT TO%

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

A lonely farmhouse stands amid the fields of u"state 1ew

ork farm

country. Se'eral lights are on and through a window we

can see the

silhouette of a MA1 sitting at the kitchen table, the

silhouette of a

47MA1 ho'ering o'er him, bringing things to him.

#he Man ED+A)/ wa'es his arms, ranting.

EDGAR (O.S.)

I go out, I work my butt off to make ali'ing, all I want is to come home to a

nice clean house with a nice fat steak on


29/146

the table, but instead I get this -- this

-- I don(t e'en know what you call this;

In the sky abo'e, it(s one of those brilliant star

fields. But something

strange is ha""ening with one of those stars -- it(s

getting bigger.

EDGAR (O.S.)

I(ll tell you what it looks like, it looks

like "oison. Don(t you take that away, I(m

eating that, damn it; It is "oison, isn(t

it5;

1o, that star isn(t getting bigger, it(s mo'ing. #owardus. 9ast. It goes

from a "in"oint to a dime, to a nickel, to a uarter, and

works its way

into fruit meta"hors.

EDGAR (O.S.)

I swear to +od, I would not be sur"rised if

it was, the way you skulk around here like

a dog been hit too much -- or ain(t beenhit enough, I can(t make u" my mind.

7kay, we(re way "ast watermelon now, that thing is huge,

and it(s starting

to glow hot red as it enters the earth(s atmos"here,

headed straight

toward us, coming here, to Beatrice and Edgar(s "lace.

#he bla!ing fireball barrels through the sky, S1A%S off a

cou"le trees --

EDGAR (O.S.)

ou(re useless, Beatrice; #he only thing

that "ulls its weight around here is my

goddamn truck;

-- and S&AMS right through a "icku" truck "arked in the

dri'eway. A

concussi'e B&AS# follows, then a geyser of smoke andflame eru"ts.


30/146

EDGAR (O.S.)

Stay here;

#he silhouette of Edgar lea"s to its feet, races to the

door, and throws

it o"en. Edgar is e'erything his 'oice led us to e$"ect

-- a nasty,

bug-eyed redneck carrying a twel'e-gauge shotgun. is

mouth aga"e, he

walks across the yard and stares at the hulking shell

that was his truck.

#he skeleton of the truck is still there, but there(s a

huge, smoldering

hole in it, a hole that goes at least ten feet down into

the ground.

EDGAR

9igures.

e walks to the truck and touches the door handle. ot.

3sing his shirt

tail, he o"ens the door and "eers down into the hole.

I1 #E 7&E, he sees a smooth cur'e of metal and a fewblinking lights.

Embedded into the ground is, indeed, a s"aceshi", maybe

eight feet across.

BEA#)I6E calls from behind him, standing in the doorway

fearfully.

BEATRICE

4hat is it, Edgar5;

EDGAR

turns to her/

+et your big butt back in that house;

Beatrice does as she(s told, closing the door behind her.

Edgar turns back

to the smoldering rock, raising his shotgun in defense.

A1 7#E)47)&D&

*7I6E comes from dee" in the hole.

VOICE (O.S.)


31/146

%lace "roectile wea"on on ground.

Edgar staggers back a ste", terrified. But then he

regains himself, raises

the wea"on, and ste"s forward, "ointing it menacingly

down into the hole.

EDGAR

ou can ha'e my gun when you "ry it from my

cold, dead fingers;

#here is a "ause while the 'oice thinks about this offer.

9inally, it

res"onds, in a 'oice and cadence remarkably similar to

Edgar(s.

VOICE (O.S.)

our "ro"osal is acce"table.

A long, hairy "incer flashes out of the hole, grabs Edgar

by the head, and

"ulls him down into the hole.

9rom dee" in the hole, we hear a terrible )I%%I1+ sound,like a bedsheet

being torn in half. #here are some disgusting +3S

sounds, then a moment

later, something flies out of the hole and 9&7%S onto the

ground ne$t to

the truck.

It(s Edgar. 4ell, sort of. is body "arts still hang

together -- face,

arms, legs, e'en clothes -- but e'erything inside has

been remo'ed and now

he ust lies there, flat and em"ty, like a tu$edo on the

floor after the

"rom.

#he shotgun flies out and lands beside him.

CUT TO%

INT. FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT


32/146

BEA#)I6E sits at the kitchen table, terrified, still

wi"ing away tears

from Edgar(s diatribe. #he door o"ens and ED+A) comes

back into the

kitchen, seemingly fleshed out again, lea'ing the door

hanging o"en behind

him. e carries the shotgun.

She looks u" at him, an$ious. But his face is a blank.

BEATRICE

4hat on earth was it5;

e looks at her strangely. 4hen he s"eaks, his 'oice is

different thanbefore. More refined.

EDGAR

Sugar.

%ause. She looks out the window, at the smoking truck.

BEATRICE

I('e ne'er seen sugar do that.

EDGAR

+i'e me sugar.

%u!!led, Beatrice gets u", goes to the cabinet, and grabs

a bag of sugar.

She holds it out to him.

EDGAR (CONT'D)

In water.

9rightened, she takes a glass of water from the table.

She dum"s some of

the sugar into it.

EDGAR (CONT'D)

More.

She "uts more, till the glass is brimming. She stirs ituickly with a

knife and hands it to him, her hand trembling.


33/146

Edgar takes it and downs it in a single gul". Beatrice

stares at Edgar, no

idea what to think. She notices something odd about the

skin on his neck.

BEATRICE

Edgar, your skin; It(s -- it(s -- ust

hanging off your bones;

Edgar dro"s the glass and looks in a window, to catch his

reflection. e

reaches u" --

-- and twists his whole face, as if adusting a ski mask,then tucks the

skin of his neck back into his shirt collar. e looks at

her.

EDGAR

#hat better5

Beatrice faints.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Stillness. Silence. A loud S6)A%I1+ sound comes from the

"it left by the

s"aceshi".

#he nose of the shi" itself rises u" out of the "it,

wa'ers, kee"s mo'ing,

and finally 6)316ES to the ground outside the "it.

ED+A) climbs out of the "it, breathing hea'ily. e dusts

himself off and

continues "ushing the shi", along the ground, off into

the darkness.

CUT TO%

EXT. MIB BUIDING - DAY

#he ne$t morning. ED4A)DS, holding the small MIB business

card in his


34/146

hand, com"ares the address written down by ay to the

address on the

utterly nondescri"t building in front of him. It(s se'en

stories high,

gray, windowless, "erfectly suare, suatting on a bridge

o'er a road like

a fat guy on the ohn.

0HF Battery Dri'e.0

INT. MIB BUIDING - TUNNE VENT ROOM - DAY

ED4A)DS ste"s through a hea'ily barred metal door and

into long, bi!arre

room. 7ne wall is entirely dominated by the enormous

blades of a tunnel'ent air intake. #here is an ele'ator at the far end of

the room and an

7&D SE63)I# +3A)D, the rent-a-co" kind, reading a comic

book on a folding

metal chair halfway across.

Edwards walks across the room, his footste"s E67I1+. #he

+uard looks u".

GUARD

el" you5

ED"ARDS

Maybe, I(m not sure, see, I got this card --

GUARD

Ele'ator. %ush the 0call0 button.

And he goes back to his comic book. Edwards, maybe out of

nothing more

than curiosity at this "oint, walks across the room,

toward the ele'ator.

As he draws close, the ele'ator doors 477S o"en,

e$"ecting him.

INT. MIB BUIDING - ENTRANCE EEVATOR - DAY

Edwards ste"s inside and turns around. #he doors close.e "ushes the


35/146

0call0 button and waits, but the ele'ator doesn(t mo'e.

Instead, doors on

the other side of the ele'ator slide o"en silently behind

him. Edwards

waits, unaware.

9rom behind him, somebody clears their throat. Edwards

turns around, and

finds himself standing in --

INT. MIB BUIDING - INTERVIE" ROOM - DAY

#his back room is e'ery bit as mysterious and unfamiliar

as the entryway.

Standing at the front of the room is 8ED, a wire-hairedcareer +-man, an

old school bureaucrat, wearing the e$act same kind of

suit ay had on last

night. SI: 7#E) 7# )E6)3I#S sit in egg-sha"ed chairs,

staring at

Edwards.

7ne chair is em"ty.

ED

ou(re late. Sit down.

Edwards takes the remaining chair. #he ele'ator doors

slide shut. 8ed

continues addressing the )ecruits.

ED (CONT'D)

My name is 8ed. ou(re all here because

you(re the best of the best. Marines, 1a'y

SEA&S, Army )angers...1%D.

#hey all turn and regard Edwards a little smugly. e

gi'es it back.

ED (CONT'D)

And we(re looking for one of you. 2ust one.

4hat will follow is a series of sim"le

tests designed to uantify motor skills,hand-eye coordination, concentration,

stamina -- I see we ha'e a uestion.


36/146

Edwards(s hand is, indeed, u".

ED"ARDS

4hy, uh -- I(m sorry, it(s ust no one

really asked this, but -- why, e$actly, are

we doing this5

Silence. #hen one of the young recruits eagerly raises

his hand. 8ed calls

on him.

ED

Son5

AMBITIOUS RECRUIT

loud and formal/

2ake 2ensen, 4est %oint, graduate with

honors. 4e(re here because you(re looking

for the best of the best of the best, sir;

Edwards tries to stifle a laugh, but can(t.

ED4hat(s so funny, Edwards5

ED"ARDS

I -- I don(t know, sir. #his guy. 0Best of

the best of the best of the best of the --0

reali!ing nobody is with

him on this/

It ust struck me as --

totally serious/

umorous. Sir.

Short "ause. #hen 8ed continues.

ED

7kay. &et(s get going.

INT. MIB BUIDING - INTERVIE" ROOM - ATER - DAY

#he recruits scribble away at the written test. It(s athick document --


37/146

reasoning skills, general knowledge, diagrams. #he

)E6)3I#S seem to be

really "owering through it, filling in answer after

answer.

But no desks ha'e been "ro'ided for them, and they(re all

still in their

chairs, writing uncomfortably on their thighs or knees.

ED4A)DS is really struggling. e writes two words on one

answer, then

decides to erase it. #he lack of a writing surface is

dri'ing him cra!yC

his "encil e'en #EA)S through the "age.

e looks u". In the middle of the tile floor, there is an

unused table.

Edwards gets u", goes to it, grabs hold --

-- and drags it, S6)EE6I1+ DEA9E1I1+&, back to his

chair. E'erybody

looks u", wincing at the horrible sound that fills the

room.

Edwards sits back down, now writing on the table. #hat(s

better.

8ed raises an eyebrow. e stares at Edwards, then looks

u", toward a

smoked glass window. Behind the dark glass, a 9I+3)E

stands, staring,

unemotional.

CUT TO%

INT. MIB BUIDING -- SHOOTING GAERY -- DAY

SE*E1 4EA%71S rest on a table in the middle of an

otherwise em"ty,

triangular room. #he SE*E1 )E6)3I#S stand in front of the

table.

#here(s an odd moment -- where e'eryone sort of looksaround at each

other, at the blank walls...


38/146

ED"ARDS

Anyone, uh...any of you guys know what we(re

doing here5

MARINE

cli""ed, unuestioning/

&ooking for the best of the best of the best.

ED"ARDS

can(t hel" but smile/

4ell, yeah, I know, but...

And then .. suddenly --

#he two far walls "ull a"art. #he whole room "ulsates and

the air is

suddenly filled with a bewildering swirl of strobosco"ic

images, both

human and alien. E'erywhere is color, light and mo'ement

-- a hologra"hic

mass of strange sha"es and characters mo'ing

simultaneously.

#he )ecruits lunge for the wea"ons, sna""ing them u" and

taking aim. SI:

S7#S are fired at once. And then, a second later, a

SE*E1# S7# is

fired. E'eryone sort of looks at Edwards, who "uts his

gun down last.

#here(s an awkward silence. #hen the door o"ens. &ight

"ours in, and 8ED

with it. E'en the highly com"etiti'e cadets can(t hel"

but feel some

sym"athy as 8ed walks straight to Edwards.

ED

#he hell ha""ened5

ED"ARDS

esitated, sir.

8ed looks into the gallery. Most ob'ious in the fro!en

tableau of


39/146

creatures is a lunging, snarling beast, which has three

bullet holes in

its chest. 1e$t to it is a massi'ely deformed humanoid

creature with a

large hook for a head, which also has three holes in it.

In the back

corner of the gallery, there is a single bullet hole in a

"retty

eight-year-old girl.

ED

May I ask why you felt little #iffany

deser'ed to die5

ED"ARDSShe was the only one who actually seemed

dangerous. At the time.

ED

And how did you come to that conclusion5

ED"ARDS

ook-head guy. ou e$"lain to me how he can

think with a hook for a head. AnswerC it(snot his head. is head is that butt-ugly

bean-bag thing o'er there. (6ause if you

look at the snarling beast-guy, he(s not

snarling, he(s snee!ing -- he(s got tissues

in his hand. 1o threat there, and anyhow,

the girl(s books were way too ad'anced for

an eight-year-old(s. And besides, from

where I(m looking, she was the only one who

a""eared to ha'e a moti'e. And I don(t

a""reciate your um"ing down my throat about

it.

Sideways glances from the other recruits. 8ed sighs.

ED"ARDS (CONT'D)

7r, uh -- do I owe her an a"ology5

CUT TO%

INT. MIB BUIDING - OBSERVATION ROOM/INTERVIE" ROOM - DAY


40/146

8ED and A stand behind smoked glass, staring at the

)E6)3I#S, who are

still in the shooting gallery, waiting for a decision.

ED

e(s got a real "roblem with authority.

KAY

So do I. #he guy ran down a ce"hla"oid, 8ed.

7n foot. #enacity. #hat I can use.

ED

I ho"e you know what you(re doing.

8ed turns and walks away. ay stares through the glass,at ED4A)DS, who

stands alone on one side of the room, a"art from the rest

of the grou".

8ed rea""ears on the other side of the glass, coming

through a door and

into the shooting gallery. As he talks, ay turns and

walks off.

ED (CONT'D)

6ongratulations, you(re e'erything we('e

come to e$"ect from years of go'ernment

training. 1ow, if you(ll ust follow me, we

ha'e one more test to administer, an eye

e$am.

INT. MIB BUIDING - HA"AY - DAY

#he )E6)3I#S follow 8ED out of the shooting gallery and

into a long

hallway. 8ed motions them off to the left. ED4A)DS is the

last one out of

the room, but he sto"s as he ste"s into the hallway.

A is outside the door, waiting for him. Edwards

recogni!es him from last

night.

ED"ARDS

ou; ey, what(s goin( on5


41/146

#he other recruits continue down the hall with 8ed. ay

doesn(t answer,

ust gestures to Edwards to follow him down the hall,

which he does.

KAY

Back in the mid-fifties, the go'ernment

started a little underfunded agency with

the sim"le and laughable "ur"ose of making

contact with a race not of this "lanet.

As they "ass an alco'e, Edwards notices the si$ other

)ecruits, who ha'e

been herded into a corner. 8ed, addressing them, "ulls aneuraly!er from

his "ocket.

ED

1ow, if you(ll look directly at the end of

this de'ice.

e holds a neuraly!er u" in front of them, and the

)ecruits stareobediently at it as 8ed sli"s on a "air of black

sunglasses.

Edwards stares, fascinated, but ay(s hand reaches in and

yanks him away,

ust as 8ed(s neuraly!er 9&ASES 4I#E.

INT. MIB BUIDING - HA"AY - DAY

As A leads ED4A)DS down an im"ossibly long corridor, he

hands him a file

folder stuffed thick with eight by ten "hotogra"hs.

e hands 2ay the first "icture, a shot of eight or nine

ME1 in "lain black

suits standing around a fifties-style office with metal

desks and

fluorescent lights. DEE and 8ED are there, much younger.

KAY

E'erybody thought the agency was a oke.


42/146

E$ce"t the aliens. #hey made contact on

March Gnd, =>@=, outside 1ew ork 6ity.

Another "hotogra"h, a grainy black and white image of two

shi"s ho'ering

in the night sky -- classic flying saucer sha"es.

KAY (CONT'D)

#here were nine of us that night. Se'en

agents. An amateur astronomer. And one "oor

kid who got lost on the wrong back road.

et another "hotogra"h, this one showing a young A, in

a shirt and tie,

holding a bouuet of flowers, staring at the o"en door ofthe landed

flying saucer. A&IE1 SA%ES are 'isible within.

ED"ARDS

ou brought the aliens flowers5

ay steers Edwards to the right, down another corridor,

ust as long as

the first.

KAY

#hey were intergalactic refugees with a

sim"le reuest. &et us use the earth as an

a"olitical !one for "eo"le without a

"lanet. E'er see 06asablanca50 Same thing,

no 1a!is. 4e agreed. So we masked all

e'idence of their landing.

Another "icture, this one of the =>@F 4orld(s 9air

grounds, still under

construction. +iant models of rockets mark the 9air(s

theme of s"ace

tra'elC most "rominent in the construction are two tall

towers, with the

flying saucers now mounted at the to" of each.

ED"ARDS

#he =>@F 4orld(s 9air was a co'eru"5

KAY


43/146

4hy else would we hold it in


44/146

KAY (CONT'D)

7h.

e finds the cream sitting out on the counter where the

alien indicated,

dum"s some in his coffee, and comes back outside, closing

the door behind

him. e reaches u" and gently "ushes Edwards( aw u",

closing his mouth.

KAY (CONT'D)

9or future reference, this is a better look

for you.

CUT TO%

EXT. BATTERY !ARK - DAY

ED4A)DS, thrown for a maor loo", sits like a !ombie

alongside A on a

bench in Battery %ark. ay drinks his coffee while they

talk.

KAY

Any gi'en time, around fifteen hundred

landed aliens are on the "lanet, the

maority right here in Manhattan. Most

aliens are decent enough, ust trying to

make a li'ing.

ED"ARDS

6ab dri'ers5

KAY

1ot as many as you(d think. umans, for the

most "art, don(t ha'e a clue. Don(t want

one, either. #hey(re ha""y. #hey think

they('e got a "retty good bead on things.

ED"ARDS

4hy the big secret5 %eo"le are smart, they

can handle it.

KAY


45/146

A "erson is smart. %eo"le are dumb.

E'erything they('e e'er 0known0 has been

"ro'en to be wrong. A thousand years ago

e'erybody knew as a fact, that the earth

was the center of the uni'erse. 9i'e

hundred years ago, they knew it was flat.

9ifteen minutes ago, you knew we humans

were alone on it. Imagine what you(ll know

tomorrow.

ED"ARDS

So what(s the catch5

KAY

4hat you(ll gain in "ers"ecti'e, you(lllose in ways you(re too young to com"rehend.

ou gi'e u" e'erything. Se'er e'ery human

contact. 1o one will know you e$ist. E'er.

ED"ARDS

1obody5

KAY

ou(re not e'en allowed a fa'orite shirt.#here. #hat(s the s"eech I ne'er heard.

#hat(s the choice I ne'er got.

ED"ARDS

old u". ou track me down, "ut me through

those stu"id-ass tests, now you(re trying

to talk me out of it. I don(t get it.

KAY

ou got (til sun-u".

ED"ARDS

Is it worth it5

KAY

ou find out, you let me know.

DISSOVE TO%

EXT. BATTERY !ARK - DUSK


46/146

Almost nighttime now, and the "ark is em"ty. ED4A)DS is

still on the

bench. And still thinking. Abo'e him, the stars are

coming out.

Slowly, he looks u", into the 'astness of the hea'ens.

DISSOVE TO%

INT. GARAGE - DAY

#he ne$t morning. A door o"ens on a garage and an 7)I1

MA1 ste"s inside,

carrying a tank of to$ic gas. #he morning light s"ills on

an abundance ofs"iders, crawling e'erywhere -- big ones, small ones,

hundreds of them

ha'e mo'ed in and taken o'er this dusty "lace.

#he 7rkin Man sighs and sets down his tank.

ORKIN MAN

4ell, well, well. Mo'in( right in, are we5

#hink we own the "lace5

e unfurls a hose from the side of the tank.

ORKIN MAN (CONT'D)

+ot a little e'iction notice for you, boys.

e raises a mask to his face and unscrews the handle on

the to" of the

tank. &E#A& +AS starts to ISS from the end of the hose.

VOICE (O.S.)

2ust what e$actly do you think you(re doing5

#he 7rkin Man turns around. ED+A) stands in the doorway

to the garage,

staring at him disdainfully.

ORKIN MAN

shrugs/#akin( care of your "est "roblem.


47/146

EDGAR

0%est0 "roblem5 0%est50

ORKIN MAN

eah. ou got a hell of an infestation.

Edgar ad'ances on him, slowly.

EDGAR

ou know, I ha'e noticed an infestation

here. E'erywhere I look, in fact. 1othing

but unde'elo"ed, une'ol'ed, barely conscious

"ond scum. So con'inced of their own

su"eriority as they scurry about their

short, "ointless li'es.

ORKIN MAN

4ell -- yeah. Don(t you want to get rid of

(em5

EDGAR

In the worst way.

Edgar lashes out uickly, erking the mask off the 7rkinMan(s face with

one hand --

-- and sho'ing the gas hose down his throat with the

other.

#E 7)I1 MA1(S 6A) ES dro" to the garage floor, and

Edgar "icks them

u".

EXT. GARAGE - DAY

A si$-by-ten sheet of "lywood #3DS to the dri'eway

outside the garage.

ED+A) raises one end of it so it(s hanging off the back

end of the 7rkin

man(s 'an -- now it(s a ram".

e walks off and we hear that familiar S6)A%I1+ soundagain. Edgar,


48/146

+)31#I1+ with the effort, slowly "ushes his s"aceshi" u"

the ram" and into

the back of the 7rkin truck.

CUT TO%

INT. MIB BUIDING - TUNNE VENT ROOM - DAY

ED4A)DS stands in the middle of the tunnel 'ent room, the

same one he

first came into yesterday. #he ele'ator doors o"en and

A, ob'iously

summoned by the 7&D SE63)I# +3A)D, stands waiting for

him.

ED"ARDS

7ne thing you gotta know right now.

Edwards walks briskly forward and gets in the ele'ator

with ay.

INT. MIB BUIDING - EEVATOR - DAY

Inside the ele'ator, the doors 477S shut, A turns akey in a certain

floor number, and the descent begins. ED4A)DS continues.

ED"ARDS

All right. I(m in because there(s some

ne$t-le'el shit going on around here, and

I(m with that. Before you beam me u", there

are a cou"le of things we need to get

straight. ou chose me (cause you recogni!e

the skills. So as of now you can cease with

all of that calling me 0son0 or 0kid0 or

0s"ort.0 6ool5

KAY

6ool, slick. 1ow about those skills of yours,

#he ele'ator doors --

INT. MIB BUIDING - HEADUARTERS - DAY

-- slide o"en on Men in Black headuarters.


49/146

KAY

As of this moment, they don(t mean much.

It(s unlike anything we('e e'er seen -- huge,

multile'eled, of si$ties

design, "olished steel and glass. #he work"laces are

sleek and

uncluttered, manned by both 3MA1S and A&IE1S. Most of

the Aliens stay in

the background, like the 3%SIDE-D741 +3 who walks on the

ceiling,

shuffling "a"ers.

A and ED4A)DS ste" off the ele'ator and onto a "latformthat looks out

o'er the whole "lace.

ay leads him down into the com"le$. 9irst, they walk

"ast a sort of

"ass"ort control center, where a human B3)EA36)A# at a

desk is checking

the documents of a line of A&IE1S who('e ust arri'ed.

#here are a do!enbi!arre life forms in that line, 6A##I1+ in half a do!en

different alien

tongues.

Edwards slows as they "ass, listening to the %ASS%7)#

671#)7& 799I6E) as

he addresses an A)


50/146

6arrying any fruits or 'egetables5

Edwards ust stares, fascinated, but ay grabs him by the

arm and hurries

him along.

KAY

&et(s go. e(s a little...grouchy.

ay mo'es him into the central hall.

KAY

A cou"le of hours wait after a =-light-year

flight would get on anybody(s ner'es.

ED"ARDS

4hat branch of the go'ernment do we re"ort

to5

KAY

1one. #hey started asking too many uestions.

ED"ARDS

So who "ays for all this5

KAY

7h, we hold a few "atents on gadgets we

confiscated from our out-of-state 'isitors.

*elcro. Microwa'e 7'ens. &i"osuction.

A# A S#7)A+E 6A+E, ay turns a key in the lock of a

caged-in area and

throws the door o"en. Inside, there are "iles of

so"histicated-looking

de'ices stacked on shel'es and tableto"s.

KAY

"icking something u"/

ere. A new recording de'ice to re"lace

6D(s. So now I gotta buy the 4hite Album

again5

something else/

#his is amusing. 3ni'ersal translator.


51/146

e holds u" a cylindrical metal tube and a small wire

cli" that looks like

a la"el micro"hone.

KAY (CONT'D)

4e(re not su""osed to ha'e it. I(ll tell

you why. uman thought is so "rimiti'e

it(s considered an infectious disease.

Makes you "roud, doesn(t it5

Edwards "icks u" a small yellow ball from one of the

shel'es.

ED"ARDS

4hat(s this5

KAY (CONT'D)

Don(t touch that;

#E BA&& 8I1+S 73# 79 ED4A)DS( A1DS -- it flies out into

the main com"le$

-- hits the ceiling and ricochets around the room, faster

than the eye can

follow --

*A)I73S S7#S 79 3MA1S A1D A&IE1S ducking, dodging, and

um"ing out of

its way.

71 A as he calmly, a little wearily, sli"s an odd-

looking metal glo'e

o'er his right hand...

e raises his hand and the yellow ball !ings into it --

ay catches the

ball, calmly.

KAY (CONT'D)

6aused the ( 1ew ork blackout. %ractical

oke by the +reat Attractor. e thought it

was funny as hell.

#hey lea'e the room.

ED"ARDS


52/146

Sorry;

71 #E MAI1 9&77), they walk briskly across the room,

reaching a giant

screen on the far wall.

KAY

7bser'ation, the heart of our little

endea'or.

#he screen dis"lays a ma" of the world on which thousands

of tiny lights

blink in all "arts of the globe, log lines of data

flashing ne$t to them.

KAY (CONT'D)

#his ma" shows the location of e'ery

registered alien on earth at any gi'en

time. Some of them we kee" under constant

sur'eillance.

e hits a button on the console and the ma" is re"laced

by hundreds of

bo$es, each with smaller 'ideo images.

KAY (CONT'D)

E'eryone on these screens is an alien. In

"ublic -- normal. In "ri'ate -- you(ll get

the idea.

71 #E S6)EE1S, we see li'e images of aliens. Aliens who

look alien are in

s"ots where they can(t be seen. Aliens who look human

are functioning

right out in "ublic -- including SAM D71A&DS71. MI6AE&

2A6S71. And #71

ROBBINS.

KAY (CONT'D)

Meet the twins.

ay gestures to two small, bony 6)EA#3)ES with eight arms

each and asingle eye growing out of a central stalk in their heads.

#hey turn around


53/146

and wa'e two or three arms each.

ED"ARDS

I gotta be honest about something.

KAY

It makes no sense5

ED"ARDS

It makes "erfect sense. 4hen I was a third

grader in %hiladel"hia, they told me I was

cra!y (cause I swore that our teacher was

from, like, *enus or something.

KAYMrs. Edelson.

Edwards, stunned, looks at ay as F-Eyes boots her onto

the screen Mean

face, cat glasses. Bony fingers. E$tremely well-hidden

tail.

KAY

2u"iter, actually. 4ell, one of the moons.

4ith their remaining arms, they "unch button after button

on the enormous

console. 8ED, who was standing u" close to the screen,

walks o'er to

Edwards, si!ing him u".

ED

4hat(s your acket si!e, Edwards5

ED"ARDS

3h -- forty regular.

ED

#hen let(s "ut it on.

ED"ARDS

%ut what on5

ED

#he last suit you(ll e'er wear.


54/146

CUT TO%

INT. MIB BUIDING - OCKER ROOM - DAY

&ike the rest of the "lace, the MIB locker room is all

white. 4hite walls,

white floor, white ceiling, white lockers. 8ED(S *7I6E

comes o'er

ED (O.S.)

9rom now on, you(ll dress only in attire

s"ecially sanctioned by MIB S"ecial

Ser'ices.

ED4A)DS reaches out and o"ens a white locker, re'ealing a

B&A6 S3I# hung

from a hanger in the middle. Abo'e it, on the shelf, a

B&A6 A# and a

"air of B&A6 S31+&ASSES. 7n the bottom, a "air of SI1

B&A6 S7ES.


A is at a com"uter terminal. 7n screen are Edwards(s

birth certificate,

dri'er(s license, social security card, library card,

e'erything. 8ED(S

*7I6E continues

ED (O.S.)

ou(ll conform to the identity we gi'e you,

eat where we tell you, li'e where we tell

you, get a""ro'al for any e$"enditure o'er

a hundred dollars.

INT. MIB BUIDING ASER BOOTH - DAY

ED4A)DS stands in a cram"ed white booth.

e holds both his hands on a #E1-9I1+E)ED E%AD,

"ressing down hard. #he

"ad glows red, a SEA)I1+ sound comes from his hands, andhe grimaces as


55/146

more lasers instantly and not at all/ "ainlessly change

his finger"rints.

ED (O.S.)

ou will ha'e no identifying marks of any

kind. ou will not stand out in any way.


7ne by one, A deletes Edwards(s identity cards.

7n the com"uter screen is Edwards( full name -- 2AMES

DA))E& ED4A)DS III.

ay "unches a cou"le keys, and the cursor begins to swee"

from right toleft, starting to eliminate the rightmost letters of

Edwards(s name.

ED (O.S.)

our entire image is carefully crafted to

lea'e no lasting memory whatsoe'er with

anyone you encounter.

INT. MIB BUIDING - OCKER ROOM - DAY

%ants come off the hanger. #he white shirt is remo'ed.

More letters are eliminated from his name. It reads

02AMES DA))E& ED...0

then 02AMES DA))...0

ED (O.S.)

ou(re a rumor, recogni!able only as dea

'u and dismissed ust as uickly. ou don(t

e$istC you were ne'er e'en born.

#he coat is remo'ed. #he hat comes off the shelf.

ED (O.S.)

Anonymity is your name. Silence your nati'e

tongue.

JAMES... JAM...

ED (O.S.)


56/146

ou are no longer "art of 0the system.0

4e(re abo'e the system. 7'er it. Beyond it.

9eet sli" into black shoes. A belt is buckled. A tie

"ushed u".

ED (O.S.)

4e(re 0them.0 4e(re 0they.0

7n screen, all that(s left is the letter 02.0

As the coat is buttoned, we notice the slee'e.

Monogrammed on the cuff is,

sim"ly, the letter 02.0

ED (O.S.)

4e are the Men in Black.


&ooking slick and handsome in his e$tremely shar" suit,

2AMES D ED4A)DS

III -- or, rather, 2A -- ste"s into the doorway from the

locker room. ereaches into his "ocket, takes out the sunglasses, and

looks at A.

JAY

#he difference between you and me5

e sli"s on the sunglasses.

JAY (CONT'D)

I make this look good.

CUT TO%

EXT. NE" JERSEY - EARY MORNING

4e are looking at a tele"hoto shot of Manhattan in all

its s"lendor.

4e see the 7rkin 'an to""ing a hill, heading towardsManhattan.


57/146

INT. MIB BUIDING - ED'S OFFICE - DAY

8ed(s office is a circular, windowed room ele'ated abo'e

the main floor of

MIB headuarters. 2A and A sit across the desk from

8ed. #here are fi'e

'ideo monitors on a wall behind 8ed(s desk, and on each

monitor is another

Man in Black, in different "arts of the world, the city

name and a clock

ticking in a corner of the image.

4hile 8ed talks, he goes through "a"erwork on his desk.

ED7kay, let(s see.

to one of the monitors/

Bee, we got the de"osed sur-"refect of

Sinalee touching down in the forest outside

%ortland tonight. I(m "ulling you down from

Anchorage to do a meet-and-greet.

BEE, an agent on one of the monitors, nods.

BEE

umanoid5

ED

ou wish. Bring a s"onge.

going through memos/

4hat else -- e'erybody, we gotta kee"

)olling 9ish-+oat out of the sewer system,

he(s scaring the rats. And Bobo the Suat

wants to re'eal himself on 03nsol'ed

Mysteries.0 Bee, make sure he doesn(t.

e turns a "age, coming across a red memo.

ED (CONT'D)

)ed-letter from last night -- we had an

un-authori!ed landing somewhere in u"state

1ew ork farm country. ee" your ears o"en

for this one, ay, we(re not hosting agalactic kegger down here.


58/146

1e$t to him, his com"uter screen BEE%S im"ortantly. 8ed

looks o'er at it.

ED

4ell, well, well -- we got a skimmer.

KAY

to 2ay/

&anded alien out of !one.

to 8ed/

4ho is it5

ED

)edgick. e(s not cleared to lea'e Manhattan

but he(s way out of town right now, stuck intraffic on the 1ew 2ersey #urn"ike. 4hy

don(t you take 2ay5 #his is a good one for

him to warm u" on.

EXT. MIB BUIDING - BATTERY !ARK - DAY

2A and A come out the front of MIB headuarters.

JAYo, wussu" with 8ed5

imitating him/

0+o get em, tiger. 4e(re not hosting an

intergalactic kegger...0

KAY

8ed was sa'ing the world before you were

born, son. Show some res"ect.

An MIB ME6A1I6 "ulls u" in ay(s black D and ho"s out,

lea'ing the door

o"en. 2ay si!es u" the car.

JAY

4e got the use of unlimited technology from

the entire uni'erse and we cruise around in

this5

ay glares at 2ay. e(s getting annoyed.

INT. MIB TD - DAY


59/146

#hey get in and slam the doors. ay starts the car and

the engine 3MS

uietly.

KAY

Seat belt.

JAY

ou know, ya(ll gotta learn how to talk to

"eo"le. ou could be a little kinder and

gentler.

ay grits his teeth.

KAY

Buckle u", "lease.

JAY

1ow did that hurt5

ay shifts the car into re'erse. #he awesome "ower of the

car kicks in and

2ay sails forward, #4A6I1+ into the dash. ay shiftsinto forward and

ta"s the gas, S&AMMI1+ 2ay back into his seat.

KAY

Makin( fun of my ride...

A &I+#ED %A1E& rotates into "lace between the two front

seats. 2ay(s

hand falls by accident on a flashing red button in the

"anel.

KAY

2ay. #he button5

JAY

eah5

KAY

1e'er "ush the button, 2ay.

2ay erks his hand away.


60/146

CUT TO%

EXT. HIGH"AY - SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY

#he D is now sto""ed by the side of the road, dust

swirling around it.

Ahead of it, another car has "ulled o'er. A gets out,

2A follows a

moment later, shaky-legged. ay walks u" to the window of

the car they('e

sto""ed. #he D)I*E), a guy in his mid-thirties with a

4I9E in her

mid-thirties, rolls the window down.

KAY

&icense and registration, "lease.

#he Dri'er hands o'er some documents. ay fli"s through

them.

KAY (CONT'D)

7ther license and registration, "lease.

#he guy digs out two other cards and hands those o'er.

2ay "eers o'er

ay(s shoulder.

#he "hotogra"hs on the 0)ESIDE1# A&IE1 ID0cards are of

two

friendly-looking re"tile ty"es, husband and wife, smiling

atthe camera,

their long, skinny tongues dangling in a friendly sort of

way.

ay hands them back.

KAY (CONT'D)

our resident card has you restricted to

the fi'e boroughs only. 4here do you think

you(re going5

REDGICK It(s my wife; She(s -- she(s -- well, look;


61/146

ay leans down and looks in the window. M)S. )ED+I6 is

in front, M7A1I1+

in "ain, holding her swollen belly. ay straightens u",

fast.

KAY

7h +od. ow soon5

Mrs. )edgick S6)EAMS in "ain. )eal soon. 9or the first

time since we('e

seen him, ay is ner'ous.

KAY (CONT'D)

7kay. All right. 1o big deal.

to 2ay/ou handle it.

JAY

Me5

KAY

Sure, it(s easy, you ust sorta -- catch.

Mrs. )edgick S6)EAMS again. )edgick gets out of the car,worried.

REDGICK

Are you sure he knows what he(s doing5

KAY

eah, hell, sure, he does this all the time.

6(mon, let him work, )edgick, I wanna ask

you something.

ay gi'es 2ay a su""orti'e S&A% on the back and leads

)edgick away, to the

rear of the car. 2ay stays in the background and o"ens

the rear door,

tentati'ely. e leans down, into the car.

JAY

7h +od; I see it I see it I see it;

A few yards from the car, ay turns )edgick to face him.


62/146

KAY

6roagg the Midwife(s back on @Fth and ?th.

ou were headed out of town.

REDGICK

4ell, we(re, uh -- meeting someone.

Suddenly a #E1#A6&E whi"s out from between Mrs. )edgick(s

legs, 6)A6S the

whi" once, and wra"s around the door "ost, grabbing hold.

JAY

7h sweet 2esus Mother of +od did you see

that5;

KAY

still to )edgick/

So5 4ho you meeting5

REDGICK

4ell, it(s -- a shi".

KAY

)eally5 I didn(t see a de"arture clearancefor today.

REDGICK

ou didn(t5 3h, well -- it was an emergency.

1ow a SE671D #E1#A6&E whi"s out, but this one wra"s

around 2ay(s neck and

"ulls tight. e +AS%S, choking.

JAY

+uys -- guys --

KAY

Doin( fine, Ace.

back to )edgick/

4hat kind of emergency5 4hat(s the rush to

get off the "lanet all of a sudden5

JAYchoking to death/

el"5; E&%; ello5;


63/146

e starts tugging for all he(s worth, but the fight is

sort of going

against him, as the tentacles "ull him in e'en harder

than he tries to

"ull the baby out.

REDGICK

4e ust don(t like the neighborhood anymore.

Some of the -- new arri'als.

)edgick looks at ay, clearly concealing something, but

darts his eyes

away.

KAY

4hat new arri'als5 #his ha'e anything to do

with the crasher from last night5

JAY

Screaming/

6an you guys do this later5;

But in that moment, 2ay finally gets a foot u" on thedoor frame, acuires

le'erage, and )I%S the baby free. e falls, flat on his

back in the dirt,

the multi-tentacled li!ardlike baby resting suarely on

his chest.

JAY (CONT'D)

7h -- oh -- oh -- man.

ay turns and cla"s )edgick on the back.

KAY

6ongratulations; It(s a li!ard.

2ay looks down at the creature 677I1+ and nestling on his

chest.

JAY

misty/ey, you know, it is sorta --


64/146

It 'omits on him.

CUT TO%

EXT. HIGH"AY - SIDE OF THE ROAD - MIB TD - DAY

Back in the car, 2A wi"es the last of the "uke off his

suit while A

starts u" the car.

KAY

Anything about that seem unusual to you5

2ay ust looks at him, 'ery 2ack Benny.

JAY

%ick.

KAY

4hat kind of 0new arri'al0 would scare

)edgick so bad that he(d risk a war" um"

with a newborn5

thinks/

&et(s check the hot sheets.

EXT. NE"SSTAND - DAY

6&7SE 71 on 'arious su"ermarket tabloids as a hand fli"s

through them.

#here are headlines like 0%7%E A 9A#E);0and 0#7% D76#7)S

BA99&ED -- BAB

B7)1 %)E+1A1#;0 and 0MA1 EA#S 741 73SE;0 the subhead on

that one is 0And

#hat(s 2ust the A""eti!er, Says 1eighbor.0/

A and 2A are at a downtown newsstand. ay is furiously

searching

through the tabsC 2ay is standing behind him, a little

embarrassed.

JAY

#hese are the hot sheets5

ay "ulls a co"y of the 4eekly 4orld 1ews from the stand

and gi'es the guy


65/146

a buck.

KAY

Best damn in'estigati'e re"orting on the

"lanet. But hey, go ahead, read the 1ew

ork #imes if you want. #hey get lucky

sometimes.

JAY

ou(re actually looking for ti"s in a

su"ermarket tabloid5

KAY

1ot looking for. 9ound.

e SMA6S the "a"er down on the hood in front of 2ay, the

"ages turned

o"en to a headline in ty"eface so large one would think

it reser'ed for

the Second 6oming

9arm wife says

AIEN STOE MY HUSBAND'S SKIN*

CUT TO%

EXT. GEM AND JE"ERY STORE - ORKIN VAN - DAY

A fla" of skin, now getting gray and crusty with age,

hangs off ED+A)(s

neck as he sits in the front of his 7rkin 'an. e sucks

as hard as he

"ossibly can on a straw stuck into a 2olt 6ola 0Double

the Sugar; #ri"le

the 6affeine;0/, one of a si$-"ack that sits on the

dashboard.

Across the street, Edgar sees a short, older man come out

of one of the

ewelry sho"s on #hirty-9ifth Street. Edgar dro"s the

soda and stares.

#he 7lder Man )7SE1BE)+/, is carrying a cat and anornate rosewood


66/146

ewelry bo$. 6arefully, he sets the bo$ down and lo'ingly

"laces the cat

on to" of it while he locks all fi'e locks on the door to

his distincti'e

sho".

#hat finished, he "icks u" the cat, then the bo$, then

waddles off down

the street, one under each arm.

Edgar dro"s the truck into gear and follows him, slowly,

trolling along

behind him.

71 #E S#)EE#, )osenberg walks ha""ily along, 3MMI1+ tohimself. e gi'es

his cat a little "eck. As he rounds a corner, we

recogni!e the tune he(s

humming -- 0I('e +ot the 4hole 4orld In My ands.0

#he 7rkin 'an rounds the corner behind him. 9ollowing.

CUT TO%

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

#he D "ulls to a sto" at the end of the dri'eway that

leads to

Beatrice(s farmhouse, where the alien shi" landed. #he

wrecked "icku"

truck is still there. 2A and A get out, 'ery

underco'er co". 2ay starts

u" the dri'eway.

KAY

1ot so fast. 4alk u" slow.

JAY

4hy5

KAY

%art of the routine. Makes it look like

we(re si!ing u" the situation. +i'es hertime to get the wrong im"ression.


67/146

BEA#)I6E a""ears in the door to the house, curious.

KAY (CONT'D)

%uts some fear into her. Makes things go

smoother.

Beatrice calls to them.

BEATRICE

6an I hel" you gentlemen5

Beatrice looks much better than the last time we saw her

-- more nicely

dressed, a touch of makeu", a smile on her face.

ay "ulls a black card from his wallet and e$tends it to

her as she draws

close. As she reaches for it, the card reforms into an

9BI badge.

KAY

ow do you do, ma(am, I(m S"ecial Agent

Manheim, this is Agent Black, 9BI. ad a

few uestions about your 'isitor.

BEATRICE

Are you here to make fun of me too5

KAY

1o ma(am. 4e at the 9BI don(t ha'e a sense

of humor that we(re aware of. Mind if we

come in5

BEATRICE

Sure. &emonade5

CUT TO%

INT. FARMHOUSE - IVING ROOM - DAY

In the li'ing room, A si"s some of her lemonade and

winces. 2A mo'es

through the room, checking it out as BEA#)I6E tells herstory.


68/146

BEATRICE

And they said to me, 0If he was murdered,

how could he walk back in the house50 And I

must admit, I was a little stum"ed by that

one. But I know Edgar. And that wasn(t him.

It was more like something else that was

wearing him. &ike a suit. An Edgar suit.

A little +I++&E esca"es her at the thought. 2ay, o'er by

a bookcase,

notices a framed %7#7 79 ED+A), kneeling in the woods,

"roudly about to

skin a deer.

JAYDamn. If he was this ugly before he was an

alien...

BEATRICE

Sorry5

KAY

+o on.

BEATRICE

Anyway, when I came to, he was gone.

KAY

Did he say anything5

BEATRICE

es; e asked for water. Sugar water, if I

remember.

KAY

Sugar water.

JAY

Did you taste her lemonade5

ay nods, "uts on his sunglasses. #akes out another "air,

hands them to

2ay.


69/146

ay draws his neuraly!er. 9&AS; Beatrice free!es,

staring straight ahead

as if hy"noti!ed. ay takes 2ay(s glasses off and hands

them back to him.

KAY

)ay Bans.

"ulling off 2ay(s

sunglasses/

7kay, Beatrice. #here was no alien, and the

flash of light you saw in the sky wasn(t a

397. Swam" gas from a weather balloon was

tra""ed in a thermal "ocket and refracted

the light from *enus --

JAY

4hoa; #hat thing erases her memory, and you

gi'e her a new one5

KAY

Standard issue neuraly!er.

JAY

And that(s the best you can come u" with5

KAY

7n a more "ersonal note, Beatrice, Edgar

ran off with on old girlfriend. +o stay at

your mother(s for a few days and get o'er

it. Decide you(re better off.

JAY

butting in/

eah, and you(re better off (cause he ne'er

a""reciated you anyway. In fact, you kicked

him out, and now that he(s gone, you ought

to buy some new clothes, maybe hire a

decorator or something...

CUT TO%

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

A is in the hole where the shi" landed, in'estigating.

e holds a "ocket


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s"ectral analy!er o'er a section of scorched earth. #he

analy!er shifts

colors. )ed. #hen ellow.

JAY

from u" outside the hole/

ey. ay...when am I gonna get one of those

memory things5

#he s"ectral analy!er turns blue.

KAY

4hen you(re ready.

re analy!er/

%lease -- not green.

%ur"le. And then green.

ay closes his eyes and sits back, leaning against the

dirt. Abo'e him,

2A leans o'er, staring down. ay looks u" at him.

KAY (CONT'D)

Do you know what alien life form lea'es agreen s"ectral trail5

JAY

4ait -- don(t tell me -- that was the

uestion on 9inal 2eo"ardy last night.

A# #E 6A), ay snatches u" the radio handset and keys

the micro"hone.

KAY

softly, into mic/

8ed, we ha'e a bug.

e turns off the radio and sighs. 2ay stands ne$t to him.

JAY

I(m gonna um" way "ast you and ust guess

that this is bad. )ight5

KAY

Bugs thri'e on carnage, #iger. #hey


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consume, infest and destroy. #hey li'e off

the death and decay of other s"ecies.

JAY

So basically you ha'e a racial "roblem with

all insect-based life forms5

KAY

&isten, kid -- imagine a giant cockroach

fi'e times smarter than Albert Einstein,

four times stronger than an o$, nine times

meaner than hell, strutting his stuff

around Manhattan Island in his brand new

Edgar suit. Does that sound like fun5

JAY

4hat do we do5

KAY

4ith a bug in town5 4atch the morgues.

CUT TO%

EXT. ESHKO'S DINER - DAY

)7SE1BE)+, the ewelry store owner, ste"s out of a cab in

the meat-"acking

district, still carrying the ornate bo$ and his belo'ed

cat. e heads into

&eshko(s, a )ussian diner.

A moment later, the 7rkin 'an "ulls to a sto" across the

street.

INT. ESHKO'S DINER - DAY

)7SE1BE)+ comes into the tiny restaurant, suinting in

the relati'e

darkness. At a table in the middle, he sees a man eating

alone -- an

enormous, dignified, yet "rofoundly strange-looking man

in his mid

fifties.


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)osenberg walks carefully o'er to the table, but does not

sit down. #he

man an A)


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Is that what I think it is5

ROSENBERG

1o, ust some diamonds for your children.

Do we ha'e time to eat5

#he Aruillian rela$es.

ARUIIAN

Sure. I ordered you some "irogi.

INT. ESHKO'S DINER - KITCHEN - DAY

In the kitchen, the )ussian 677 sla"s two orders of

"irogi u" on thestainless steel counter --

COOK

#able si$ is u";

-- and turns away, back to the grill.

A A1D reaches in, takes the "lates, and sets them on a

tray. 4e followthe tray, but see only the right arm and a"roned

midsection of the waiter

carrying it. e carries the tray along the counter toward

a "air of

swinging doors that lead out into the restaurant.

#he doors swing in as another 4AI#E) swee"s into the

kitchen, and our

waiter heads out into the dining area. As the doors swing

closed behind

him, they re'eal storage shel'es crammed with bags of

rice, cans of stewed

tomatoes --

-- and a DEAD 4AI#E), literally folded in half and

stuffed in among the

shel'es.

INT. ESHKO'S DINER - DAY


74/146

)7SE1BE)+ and the A)


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ou(re right about one thing.

Suddenly a long S#I1+E) whi"s out from under the back of

Edgar(s a"ron and

!i"s under the table. 9irst )osenberg and then the

Aruillian lurch

forward their chairs, their faces contorting in "ain.

#hey both "itch forward, their faces slogging into fresh

"irogi.

#he stinger S1A%S out from under the table and whi"s back

under Edgar(s

a"ron. e mo'es uickly, searching their "ockets, but he

doesn(t find whathe(s looking for. #he cat, still "erched on to" of the

ornate bo$, ISSES

at him.

Edgar reaches out and BA#S the cat away with one 'icious

swi"e of his

hand. #he animal 74&S and flies across the room, landing

in a 47MA1(s

lunch.

#he 4oman S6)EAMS. 1ow other DI1E)S( attention is drawn

to Edgar(s table,

where two ob'iously dead men are being robbed by a

waiter. #here are

S73#S of outrage, a few ME1 rise out of their seats.

Edgar grabs the ornate bo$ and tries to o"en it, but

finds it locked. 4ith

the furor rising around him, he sho'es the bo$ under one

arm and bolts for

the door.

)osenberg(s cat lea"s back onto the table and S1A)&S at

him as he goes.

CUT TO%

EXT. ESHKO'S DINER - DAY


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&ater, and the )ussian diner is now a crime scene,

clustered with 67%S and

flashing lights. #)EE B7DIES, now on stretchers and

co'ered with sheets,

are being loaded into the back of ambulances.

)7SE1BE)+(S 6A# races out of a 31I97)MED 67%(s arms and

lea"s onto one of

the stretchers, ME74I1+ mournfully. #he 3niformed 6o"

turns to a %7&I6E

I1S%E6#7) who is uestioning the 47MA1 from the diner.

CO!

4hat am I su""osed to do with the cat5

INS!ECTOR

I don(t know. Send it with the stiff. &et

family claim it.

#he 6o" nods and follows the stretcher with )osenberg(s

body into the back

of one of the ambulances, allowing the cat to ride on the

chest of its

dead owner for the time being.

#he doors of the wagon S&AM shut.

CUT TO%

INT. MORGUE - CORRIDOR - DAY

#he stretcher with the cor"se on it is wheeled down a

corridor in "olice

headuarters. )7SE1BE)+(S 6A#, still on his chest, ME74S

curiously as the

stretcher a""roaches two doors with 06ity Morgue0 written

across them. #he

words s"lit in half as the stretcher BA1+S through the

doors.

INT. MORGUE - DAY

#he city morgue is a crowded, brightly-lit, tiled "lacewith cor"ses


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"arked left and right. Busy day in the A""le. #he 6o"

wheeling the

stretcher calls out to the 67)71E), who(s hunched o'er

another body.

CO!

4here do you want contestant number three5

#he coroner turns around. It(s D). &A3)E& 4EA*E), the

woman who tried to

s"eak to 2ay before. She sighs and wa'es a hand.

AURE

By the wall, I guess.

noticing/4hat(s with the cat5

CO!

7h, the cat. #here(s a "roblem with the cat.

Sign here.

&aurel signs his cli"board.

AURE4hat(s the "roblem with the cat5

CO!

our "roblem.

&aurel gi'es him a dirty look, but he laughs and lea'es.

She goes o'er to

the stretcher and bends down, "etting )osenberg(s cat

gently.

AURE

Are you ha'ing a bad day, baby5 6heer u".

of )osenberg/

is is worse.

She sets the cat aside and wheels the stretcher under the

lights.

AURE (CONT'D)7key-dokey. Shall we5


78/146

INT. MORGUE - ATER - DAY

&aurel is hunched o'er the cor"se, the only light in the

room coming from

the o'erhead s"ot that illuminates her work.

9ascinated by something, she digs dee"er. And dee"er. And

looks u", her

face a mi$ture of alarm and e$citement.

AURE

7h, my +od.

CUT TO%

EXT. MORGUE - NIGHT

ay(s D "ulls u" in front of the morgue.

INT. MORGUE - CORRIDOR - NIGHT

#wo men in black suits hurry down the stairs and into the

corridor outside

the morgue. #hey hasten down the hallway, their shoes6&I6I1+ in "erfect

lockste", headed for those swinging doors at the other

end.

2A and A. Men in Black on a mission.

INT. MORGUE - NIGHT

In the morgue, &A3)E& has fallen aslee" on her desk, her

head in her arms.

)7SE1BE)+(S 6A# sits on the desk ne$t to her, licking its

"aws. Suddenly,

the cat looks u", ME74I1+ urgently.

&aurel looks u" and, following the cat(s ga!e, turns

around slowly in her

chair. 2A and A stand in the doorway, staring at her.

ay ste"s

forward, holding out that black card again. It reformsinto another kind


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of official ID, this time it says 0DE%A)#ME1# 79 %3B&I6

EA0

AURE

into recorder/

...a""ro$imately ==G degrees at time of

auto"sy, indicating, uite im"ossibly, a

"ost-mortem increase in body tem"erature.

E$aminer attem"ted to 'erify result

rectally, only to find subect was, uh,

without rectum. 4hich can only be described

as...well...as really...

KAY (O.S.)

4eird5 Dr. &eo Men'ille, De"artment of%ublic ealth. #his is Dr. 4hite.

She looks u". 2ay and ay are standing there.

AURE

eah, well whoe'er you are, I(m afraid I(m

going to need to see some ID.

e hands her his 6A)#E 17I), which changes to read 0Dr.Men'ille,

De"artment of %ublic ealth.0 She hands it back.

AURE

checking her watch/

ou boys must not ha'e much of a home life.

KAY

4e watch the morgues 'ery carefully. ou('e

got something unusual5

AURE

I(d say so -- tri"le homicide.

She gets u" and goes to the Aruillian(s body, which is

still out on a

table under the lights.

AURE (CONT'D)#he first cor"se was "erfectly normal,

e$ce"t that he was broken in half, but when


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I o"ened u" the other two -- well, look.

She throws back a sheet, re'ealing to them only, not us/

the fully

dissected Aruillian. ay raises an eyebrowC 2ay nearly

retches.

AURE (CONT'D)

#here(s a skeletal structure at work here

unlike anything I('e e'er seen.

ay ste"s "ast her, going straight to the body. e begins

to e$amine it.

KAYI(ll ha'e a look at this one. Dr. 4hite,

why don(t you and Dr. 4ea'er check out the

other body5

AURE

#his way, Doctor.

2ay and &aurel cross the room, to where )7SE1BE)+(s

cor"se lies out onanother gurney.

AU

Men in Black1

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