Managing Conflict with Assertiveness
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Transcript of Managing Conflict with Assertiveness
Managing Conflict with Assertiveness
Stephanie Dean, LPC-MHSP, CEAPAssistant Manager
Work/Life Connections EAP
The Truth about
Conflict Conflict is “ok” - natural and inevitable. Conflict often makes people uncomfortable and
defensive. Unresolved conflict can do significant harm to
relationships. Conflict needs to be addressed. There is no one “best” way to deal with every
conflict. We can limit opportunity for conflict escalation by
engaging each other in an open, respectful way.
Constructive vs.
Destructive ConflictStrengthens relationships and teamsEncourages open communicationDeals with real issuesCalms & puts focus on resultsSupports a respectful workplaceFacilitates openness and permission for service recovery
Damages relationshipsResults in defensivenessWastes time & resourcesFocuses on blameCan be loud or hostileResults in employee and patient dissatisfactionMissed opportunities for improvement
Conflict Management Styles
Accommodating Avoiding Competing Compromising Collaborating
So What’s Your Type?
What Factors Affect Your Style?
Gender Self-Concept Expectations Situation Position (Power) Practice Life Experience Communication Skills
Assertiveness
Assertive behavior promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.
(Alberti, 2001)
Non-assertive behavior
Aggressive Behavior
It’s Not What You Say
It’s How You Say It
Eye contact Body Posture Physical Distance Gestures Facial Expressions Voice tone, volume Fluency Listening
Thinking Persistence Content “I
messages” Timing Target Audience
A warm smile A firm handshake Use positive statements:
Thank you I like what you did. I can tell you worked hard on this project. I’m glad to see you.
Reaching out Positively
Reaching out
Positively Give and receive
compliments Apologize
The central point of effective anger expression should be to achieve some resolution to the problem that caused the anger. Some strategies to cope include: You are responsible for your feelings Anger and aggression are not the same thing Get to know your “buttons.” Develop and practice coping strategies:
exercise, rest, relax, hobbies, etc. Pick your battles
Dealing with Anger
Assertiveness and
angerIf you decide to take action: Verbally express concern State your feelings
directly Stick to specifics of the
present situation Work toward resolution
Deciding when to be
assertive What really happened? How much does it
matter? How important is the
relationship? Can I get what I want? Do I just want to express
myself? What are your options? Can I get a positive
outcome?
Do I have the skills? Do I have the energy? Have I counted to ten? Would it be better to
wait? What will happen if I do
nothing? Will I be upset if you
don’t? What are the risks?
Benefits? Consequences?
What about work?
Be honest and avoid playing games
Listen (especially if you disagree)
Wait before responding angrily.
Express opinions, but know that others may not agree.
Accept responsibility for your mistakes
How would it feel to be in the other person’s shoes?
Timing
Assertiveness and Common
Sense Assertiveness is not
about “getting your way.”
Be yourself Persistent, not a pest Practice, but never
perfect Take care of yourself
Observe your own behavior and emotions. Set a realistic goal. Pick a situation. Observe an effective model. Imagine yourself handling the situation.
One Step at a Time
Communicating Cooperation
University of Colorado researchers have documented behaviors that generally elicit cooperation:
Avoid assumptions Acknowledge the other party’s perceptions whenever
possible Acknowledge any responsibility you have Indicating the other party “has a good point” (if they do) Identify any areas of agreement Make appropriate eye contact Active Listening
“I” statements rather than “you” statements Reflection
During times of higher stress, some people need additional
resources.
Medical Arts Building Suite 018936-1327