Managing Adult Relationships in the School Community

NABMSE REGIONAL MEETINGS APRIL 2013

DR JOE O’CONNELL LIMERICK EDUCATION CENTRE

Managing Adult Relationships in the School Community

PHILOSOPHICAL LIBERALISM

DISCOURSE OF DERISION

Context

In any given day……

Dr Joe O' Connell NABMSE 2013

Tactful/Diplomatic Need to remain objective Power of Invisibility

Humorous Empathetic Encourager

Ability to relax people Intuitive Open body language

Keeping one’s opinion to oneself Patient Clarifier

Non threatening Catalyst Giver of direction

Motivator Interpreter Interventionist

Responder Brief when required Open-minded

Ability to remain silent Good listener Thinker on one’s feet

Ability to see opportunities Observer Summarising

Good questioner Coordinator Challenger

Reflective Clear Communicator Understanding of group dynamics

If a relationship fractures then conflict abounds


Conflict arises because the lens through which we view life leads us to believe that:

Others have, or intend to, frustrate or ignore our interests or concerns….. a feeling

Proportionality between rational and emotive thoughts and actions

Think outside of your own emotive domain

Communication is central


“Communication is the essential tool of human technology”

Lewis, L.P. (1994) Curing Conflict

Guiding Principles


Understand and appreciate roles and responsibilities and consider context

Adopt a Professional Approach at all times◦ Language◦ Depersonalise situations◦ Be an active listener◦ Don’t carry agendas

The difference between being assertive as opposed to being aggressive

Keep in mind that no issue remains a single issue!


There are levels of analysis:

1. Within Individuals

2. Between Individuals

3. The group as a whole

Temporal effect of a strong character

The variety of relationships!


Managing Challenging Relationships


REACTION

Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour


Your Style……Social SkillsTwo heads are better than one…………

CollaboratingKill your enemies with

kindness…..AccommodatingSplit the difference….. CompromisingLeave well enough alone …. AvoidingMight makes right…… Competing

Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour


Each of us is capable of using all five conflict handling modes, however, any given individual uses some modes better than others whether because of temperament or practice.

The power of the tongue!


The Power of words, the appropriateness of language

The kind wordThe gentle word

The angry wordThe harsh word

The careless/unconsidered word

Respect is essential


Non judgemental

“No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism…..

…..as the one who’s giving it”Hal Chadwick

Dealing with Challenging Relationships


Principal/Parent

Principal/Teacher

Principal/Management

Kindred Code between Snr Management and Teacher

Principal/Parent


Parent is naturally apprehensive

Parent is generally defensive

Parent has rehearsed

Parent has listened to their son/daughter

Parent has baggage

Acknowledge effort to be present

Listen /Note-taking Demonstrate mutual

interest, support and concern.

Show hope, list some positive

Get them to outline what they will, can do

Don’t set unreasonable demands

Revisit Agreement

Kindred Code: Principal/Staff


Any disagreement between Senior Management and Staff will permeate throughout.

United front at all times

Professional approach at all times

No confrontation/ disagreement in view of pupils

Solidarity about decisions taken

Positive body language sets the tone for the school

Review Working Together Document

Agreement in advance re scenarios

Principal/ Management


Management is a collective corporate processIssues of conflict must be resolvedConfidentiality is essentialProcedures need to be adhered to at all timesDocumentation is essentialEffective communication Informed decision making

Key Messages


Distinguish between crisis and controversyKnow yourself, your approaches, your styleAppreciate roles and different types of

people, invest in knowing your peopleTake the helicopter viewShow a route to resolution, don’t become a

quick fixerAdhere to any agreed procedures


Mo Bhuíochas

Managing Adult Relationships in the School Community

Documents

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