Instructor’s Manual

MAKING DIVORCE WORK:

A CLINICAL APPROACH TO THE BINUCLEAR FAMILY

with

Constance Ahrons, PhD

by

Randall C. Wyatt, PhD&

Erika L. Seid, MA

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The Instructor’s Manual accompanies the DVD Making Divorce Work: A Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Family (Instructor’s Version). Video available at www.psychotherapy.net.

© 2007, Psychotherapy.net, LLC. All rights reserved.

Published by Psychotherapy.net

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Teaching and Training: Instructors, training directors and facilitators using the Instructor’s Manual for the DVD Making Divorce Work: A Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Family may reproduce parts of this manual in paper form for teaching and training purposes only. Otherwise, the text of this publication may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the publisher, Psychotherapy.net. The DVD Making Divorce Work: A Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Family (Institutional/Instructor’s Version) is licensed for group training and teaching purposes. Broadcasting or transmission of this video via satellite, Internet, video conferencing, streaming, distance learning courses or other means is prohibited without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Wyatt, Randall C. & Seid, Erika L.

Instructor’s Manual for Making Divorce Work: A Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Family with Constance Ahrons, PhD

Cover design by Sabine Grand

Order Information and Continuing Education Credits: For information on ordering and obtaining continuing education credits for this and other psychotherapy training videos, please visit us at www.psychotherapy.net or call 800-577-4762.

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Instructor’s Manual

MAKING DIVORCE WORKA Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Family

with Constance Ahrons, PhD

Table of ContentsTips for Making the Best Use of the DVD 7

Session-by-Session Discussion Questions 9

Reaction Paper Guide for Classrooms and Training 13

Suggestions for Further Readings, Websites and Videos 15

Session Transcript 17

First session 19

Phone call 23

second session 25

third session 32

Fourth session 34

conclusion 40

Video Credits 41

About the Contributors 45

Earn Continuing Education Credits for Watching Videos 47

More Psychotherapy.net Videos 49

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Tips for Making the Best Use of the DVD

1. USE THE TRANSCRIPTSMake notes in the video Transcript for future reference; the next time you show the video you will have them available. Highlight or notate key moments in the video to better facilitate discussion during the video and post-viewing.

2. SESSION-BY-SESSION DISCUSSION QUESTIONSPause the video at different points to elicit viewers’ observations and reactions to the concepts presented. The Discussion Questions provide ideas about key points that can stimulate rich discussions and learning.

3. LET IT FLOWAllow the sessions to play out some so viewers can appreciate the work over time instead of stopping the video too often. It is best to watch the video in its entirety since issues untouched in earlier parts often play out later. Encourage the viewers to voice their opinions; no therapy is perfect! What do viewers think works and does not work in the sessions? We learn as much from our mistakes as our successes and it is crucial for students and therapists to develop the ability to effectively critique this work as well as their own.

4. SUGGEST READINGS TO ENRICH VIDEO MATERIALAssign readings from Suggestions for Further Readings and Websites prior to viewing. You can also time the video to coincide with other course or training materials on related topics.

5. ASSIGN A REACTION PAPERSee suggestions in Reaction Paper section.

6. ROLE-PLAY IDEASAfter watching the video, organize participants into groups of five or more. Assign each group to role-play a session of family therapy with a binuclear family. Each role-play shall consist of one therapist, two separated/divorced parents (step-parents may be included as well),

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one or more children, and one observer. After the role-plays, have the groups come together to discuss their experiences. First have the clients share their experiences, then the therapists, and then ask for comments from the observers. Open up a general discussion on what was learned about working with binuclear families.

An alternative is to do this role-play in front of the group with just one therapist and one family; the entire group can observe before discussing the interaction. After a while, another participant may jump in as the therapist if the therapist gets stuck or reaches an impasse. Follow up with a discussion that explores what does and does not work in therapy with binuclear families.

7. PERSPECTIVE ON VIDEOS AND THE PERSONALITY OF THE THERAPISTPsychotherapy portrayed in videos is less off-the-cuff than therapy in practice. Therapists or clients in videos may be nervous, putting their best foot forward, or trying to show mistakes and how to deal with them. Therapists may also move more quickly than is typical in everyday practice to demonstrate a technique. The personal style of a therapist is often as important as their techniques and theories. Thus, while we can certainly pick up ideas from master therapists, participants must make the best use of relevant theory, technique and research that fits their own personal style and the needs of their clients.

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Session-by-Session Discussion QuestionsProfessors, training directors and facilitators may use a few or all of these discussion questions keyed to certain elements of the video or those issues most relevant to the viewers.

FIRST SESSION1. The First Call: What stood out for you in the way Ahrons

engaged with Lynette during the first phone call? How do you think her handling of this call may have impacted the development of the therapy? How do you feel about being this direct with clients before ever having met them?

2. Resistance: Why do you think it is so difficult for Lynette to see her ex-husband as important to the situation with her son? How might you work with a parent who was more steadfast in her resistance around this issue than Lynette is? What kind of limits would you set with her, and how would you do that?

PHONE CALL3. Who’s Coming In? When Jeff proposed coming to a session

with Lynette, but without the boys, why do you think Ahrons did not take his offer? When, if ever, might it be better to meet with the divorced parents without the children present? And what if Jeff had not conceded so easily; what other approaches might Ahrons have used to get him involved? At what point should the therapist give up and settle for not including the other parent?

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SECOND SESSION4. Unresolved Conflict: Lynette and Jeff clearly have residual

conflict from their marriage. Do you think the benefits to having both parents in this session together with the kids outweighs the cost of exposing the children directly to the toxic parental material? Why or why not?

5. Outside Sources: What did you think of Ahrons’ recommendation that Jeff get information directly from Grant’s teacher about his school performance? In what ways may this intervention have altered the course of the work? Do you think this intervention was effective in derailing a parental conflict building in the room?

6. Limited Partnership: What do you think of Ahrons’ idea of the parents forming a limited partnership? How does taking “it out of the realm of emotionality and [putting] it into more of a business realm” sit with you as a therapist? Or do you think she would be more effective by directly engaging the clients in the realm of emotionality?

THIRD SESSION7. Children’s Session: What do you see as the purpose of this

session with Josh and Grant? Was this an effective therapeutic intervention, or was this session just an information-gathering exercise for Ahrons? What might you have done differently than Ahrons in this session, or what additional interventions would you have included when working with the boys alone?

FOURTH SESSION8. Family Unit: How do you react to Ahrons’ basic assumption

that this family is one family? What countertransference comes up around when you think about sitting with a divorced family? Do you agree with this premise? If not, how do you define or organize this kind of family situation for yourself? How do you think your definitions of what is and is not a family impacts your therapy work with families?

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9. The Mom Role: What did you think of Ahrons’ reframe of the Mom/Step-Mom conflict as Lynette’s frustration that Jeff has someone to cover for him when he does not take responsibility, while Lynette does not have that option? How do you think this shifted the process, if at all? Should Ahrons have stayed with this reframe longer, rather than letting the conversation revert to who gets to have the mom role in relation to the boys? How might you have handled this issue differently?

CONCLUSION10. Personal Reaction: How would you feel about being a client of

Ahrons in family or individual therapy? Do you feel an alliance could be made, and that she would be effective with you? Why or why not?

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Reaction Paper for Classrooms and Training• Assignment: Complete this reaction paper and return it by the

date noted by the facilitator.

• SuggestionsforViewers: Take notes on these questions while viewing the video and complete the reaction paper afterwards, or use the questions as a way to approach discussion. Respond to each question below.

• LengthandStyle: 2-4 pages double-spaced. Be brief and concise. Do NOT provide a full synopsis of the video. This is meant to be a brief reaction paper that you write soon after watching the video—we want your ideas and reactions.

What to Write: Respond to the following questions in your reaction paper:

1. Key points: What important points did you learn about family therapy and psychotherapy in general? What stands out in how this therapist works?

2. What I am resistant to: What issues/principles/strategies did you find yourself having resistance to, or what approaches made you feel uncomfortable? Did any techniques or interactions push your buttons? What interventions would you be least likely to apply in your work? Explore these questions.

3. What I found most helpful: What was most beneficial to you as a therapist about the model presented? What tools or perspectives did you find helpful and might you use in your own work?

4. HowIwoulddoitdifferently: What might you have done differently than the therapist in the video? Be specific in what different approaches, strategies and techniques you might have applied.

5. Other Questions/Reactions: What questions or reactions did you have as you viewed the therapy in the video? Other comments, thoughts or feelings?

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Suggestions for Further Readings, Websites and Videos

BOOKSAhrons, Constance (2007). The Seven Golden Rules of Good Divorce.

Toronto: Perennial Currents. (forthcoming)

Ahrons, Constance (2005). We’re Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents’ Divorce. New York: Harper Paperbacks.

Ahrons, Constance (1998). The Good Divorce. New York: Harper Paperbacks.

Everett, Crag and Everett, Sandra Volgy (1998). Healthy Divorce: For Parents and Children—An Original, Clinically Proven Program for Working Through the Fourteen Stages of Separation, Divorce, and Remarriage. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Hodges, William F. (1991). Interventions for Children of Divorce: Custody, Access, and Psychotherapy, 2nd Edition. New York: Wiley.

Margolin, Sylvia (1996). Complete Group Counseling Program for Children of Divorce: Ready-to-Use Plans & Materials for Small & Large Groups, Grades 1-6. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Napier, Agustus Y. and Whitaker, Carl (1998 reissue). The Family Crucible: The Intense Experience of Family Therapy. New York: Harper.

Wallerstien, Judith S., Lewis, Julia M. and Blakeslee, Sandra (2000). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion.

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WEB RESOURCESwww.constanceahrons.com Constance Ahrons’ website

www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/06/08/earlyshow/leisure/books/mai621798.shtml

Video interview with Constance Ahrons on CBS

www.eyeonbooks.com/ibp.php?ISBN=0060193050

Audio interview with Constance Ahrons at Bill Thompson’s Eye on Books

RELATED VIDEOS AVAILABLE AT WWW. PSYCHOTHERAPY.NETThe Legacy of Unresolved Loss: A Family Systems Approach

– Monica McGoldrick, LCSW

Family Secrets: Implications for Theory and Therapy – Evan Imber-Black, PhD

No More Lectures – Insoo Kim Berg, MSSW

Over the Hump: Family and Couple Treatment – Insoo Kim Berg, MSSW

She’s Leaving Me: A Four-Stage Treatment Model for Men Struggling with Relationship Loss

– John Edwards, PhD

Tools and Techniques for Family Therapy – John Edwards, PhD

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Complete Transcript of Making Divorce Work: A Clinical Approach to the Binuclear Familywith Constance Ahrons, PhD

INTRODUCTIONAhrons:Hello, this is Dr. Ahrons.

Lynette: Dr. Aarons, hi, my name is Lynette, and I was referred to you by a friend, and I wanted to make an appointment for my son. He’s eleven. He’s having some trouble in school.

Ahrons:What’s your son’s name?

Lynette: His name is Grant.

Ahrons:Okay, and who else is in your family?

Lynette: Well, let’s see, I have a 16-year-old son.

Ahrons:And his name?

Lynette: His name is Joshua.

Ahrons:Okay.

Lynette: And it’s just the three of us.

Ahrons:And are you divorced?

Lynette: Yes, uh-huh.

Ahrons:And how long have you been divorced?

Lynette: I’ve been divorced for four years.

Ahrons:One of the best ways, I think, to go with this, and the way I usually work, is for the whole family to come in, which would mean you and the two boys and your ex-husband, at this point.

Lynette: No, well, I’m not willing to come in with my ex-husband at

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all. I really don’t think that my 16-year-old son needs to come in. He’s doing fine, really. I was kind of just thinking about just for my son, only. My 11-year-old, Grant.

Ahrons:It’s been my experience that usually when kids are having problems, and having problems in school, that there are also some issues in the family that it’s related to. And the best and fastest way to get to that, and really the most productive way that we can get to it, is with the family as a whole. It really would be helpful for us to be able to take a look at what is going on if everybody was able to come in.

Lynette: Uh-hmm.

Ahrons:But at this stage, if you’re unwilling to ask him to come in, for this first session, would you consider coming in with both your boys? Which I think would be much more helpful than just either Grant coming in alone, or Grant and you coming in alone.

Lynette: Okay, just for the first session, basically?

Ahrons:Well, let’s start with that and then together we can make decisions about what seems to be most appropriate and what’s going to get to this issue the fastest.

Lynette: Okay.

Ahrons:And we can certainly talk about it then, and that’s kind of a place for us to start.

Lynette: Okay, okay, sure.

AhronsCommentary:With the high incidence of divorce, remarriage, and re-divorce in this society, it becomes imperative that therapists learn ways to help people work out these situations that are functional and healthy. Therapists have a lot of things that they have to overcome themselves about divorce and marriage, because we carry a lot of our own values in. So if we believe very strongly that divorce is bad, then when a couple comes in and they’re in high conflict, we don’t even see divorce as an option, because we define ourselves as therapists as failures if the couple doesn’t stay together.

When I coined the term binuclear family, I was in the middle of a longitudinal project and into the second stage of the project, and it

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became very clear to me that these people three years post-divorce were trying to figure out how to be a family. That they were family: they had two households and one family. And that’s what the term means and that’s why I coined it. The importance of the term is to normalize it. I want a kid in kindergarten to be able to say, when the teacher says, “What kind of family do you come from?” You know, draw a picture of your family, as they do in kindergarten and first grade. I want them to be able to say with some pride, “I live in a binuclear family.” And I don’t want it to be seen differently than, “I live in a nuclear family.” You know, rather than, “I come from a broken home.”

In this video, I use a simulated case illustration based on real clinical material to show how important it is to have the whole binuclear family come into our therapy offices. All too often we tend to get a call from a stepfamily situation or a single parent mother, and we think of that as the whole family, rather than expanding our thinking to include the whole binuclear family system.

FIRST SESSIONAhrons:Well, I’m really glad you could come in here today. I guess you guys know that your mom called, and I think she said that, Grant, you were having some problems.

Grant: Yes.

Ahrons:So first I just want to get…Before we talk about what some of that is, I’d just like to get a little bit of family history if I could.

Lynette: Okay.

Ahrons:So you are currently…You mentioned on the phone that you’re divorced.

Lynette: Yes, I’ve been divorced about four years now.

Ahrons:And how long were you married?

Lynette: Um, we were married about 15 years.

AhronsCommentary: In my initial session, I always begin by drawing a binuclear family diagram and filling in all the important points in the diagram. My main goal in this first session with Lynette, Josh, and Grant

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is to bring out the importance of the father and the relationship that the children have with their dad; to take the problem off of Grant; and also to join with Mom, to join with Lynette, to encourage her to bring in her ex, and that this was a safe environment to do that.

Ahrons:Josh, how often do you see your dad?

Josh: Usually about once every two weeks on the weekends, sometimes, occasionally during the week, one night.

AhronsCommentary:I’m showing you highly selected excerpts from a simulated case.

Ahrons:How about if we start with you telling me a bit about what’s going on? I know we started talking about it on the phone, but I always prefer that I don’t find out too much until you come in.

Lynette: Um-hmm, sure. Well, as I mentioned on the phone, the main reason I needed to come in is I’m struggling because I’ve just finished school, I’ve started a new career, I’m working a lot. I have the boys most of the time. They see their father usually every other weekend and then occasionally one night during the week, occasionally. So I feel a little overwhelmed. I’ve got a lot of the day-to-day living kinds of things to deal with, to try to manage the boys and the school and homework, and shuttling back and forth, and sports, etc. Since my ex-husband is remarried, we don’t have as much communication. I don’t feel he’s as supportive. He’s got his life and other family. So I’m kind of overwhelmed.

Ahrons:So things have changed since he’s remarried.

Lynette: A lot, yeah. I mean, I’m having a lot of trouble with Grant, and I don’t think that he sees things the same way that I do, but I really need some, I think we need some help.

Ahrons:So are you guys fighting more than you used to fight, the two of you?

Grant: Yes.

Josh: Yes.

Ahrons:Yeah. You too, huh? Or you’re just listening to them fight more?

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Josh: Yeah, actually, he’s—though I think he won’t admit it—is having a lot of trouble, I mean, I think it’s because of the new family and everything, but I don’t really know, and I don’t think he knows either, so—

Ahrons:What do you think?

Grant: Nothing. Just some trouble at school.

Ahrons:Um-hmm. You think everybody’s making a big deal out of this?

Grant: Yeah.

AhronsCommentary: Further exploration of Grant’s school problems revealed that he was flunking one class but was essentially seen as a very bright student, and he had been doing well in the past.

Ahrons:How about his dad? Have you talked to him about what’s going on?

Lynette: Well, not really because I’ve tried, but he’s really preoccupied with his whole family and, um, I, you know, he doesn’t listen. I’ve tried to talk to him. I’ve asked him for help in the past. He doesn’t really care.

AhronsCommentary:As I gathered information in the first interview, it became clear that Grant’s problem coincided around the time when his father had a new child, which then even made me more certain that the father’s role was very important in this family.

Ahrons:It must be kind of hard on you guys when Mom and Dad don’t get along, hmm?

Josh: I’m just kind of fed up with all of this stuff. You know, I mean, I go there and he’s saying things about her, and at home she’s saying things about him, and it’s tough to deal with because I’m real tired of it, you know?

Ahrons:So you kind of get caught in the middle of the two of them—

Josh: I do. I do. I get—

AhronsCommentary: Josh was critical to this session. Not only does he support his brother, Grant, in here, but he also takes the problem focus away from Grant and sort of brings it back into the family.

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Ahrons:You know, it seems to me, as we spend a little time together and I have a little bit of a sense of what’s going on, that it seems really important that Jeff be involved in this, because he’s so much a part of it.

Lynette: I don’t, I don’t think…we have…I don’t think so. I don’t want him in here. I think that we would just probably disagree and fight, and I don’t really want to include him. I would rather he disappear, to tell you the truth.

AhronsCommentary: Divorced parents will often be very resistant to coming in together, and the first thing that they’ll say is, “Well, we’re going to fight, and the kids will see us fighting.” What they don’t realize, and what the therapist has to help them see, is that the kids see them fighting anyway, and in the room with the therapist, they see the fights controlled better, and they can depend on the therapist to deal with the parents’ fights, and they’re not as responsible.

Ahrons:It sounds like he’s not going to disappear and it doesn’t sound like the boys want him to disappear. And I can hear what you’re saying. I mean, it’s really threatening, and I know what I’m asking you to do is difficult, but I’m also saying to you, I don’t think we can make much change, I don’t think we can help things become different for you and for Grant unless his dad’s involved.

Lynette: I mean, why does Jeff need to be involved?

Ahrons:He has to be involved because he is involved. And one of the things I always do, like if a mother comes in alone with a child and says I don’t want him to be involved, I never want to see him again, I try to paint a picture with them about, well, gee, what’s going to happen when Johnny graduates? What’s going to happen when Johnny gets married? You know, you’re even going to have a grandchild and you’re going to be biologically tied. So whether you like it or not, you have some kind of kin relationship with your ex. I’m wondering how you would feel about this—let me propose this as a possible way to go—is that you call him and you tell him that you’ve been in for one session with the boys to see me, and that I’ve requested that he come in. And then give him my phone number, and ask him to give me a call.

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Lynette: In the past when I’ve tried to talk to him about therapy, he thinks it’s, you know, he doesn’t really believe in it, doesn’t really approve of it, I guess. He thinks that…I mean, I don’t know if he’ll come, even, if I ask him.

Ahrons:Sure, and all we can do is to make the next step.

Lynette: If you think it’s really important, I’ll make the phone call. But…if you really…I mean, I’ll trust that, but I don’t want to.

Ahrons:Well, great. I do appreciate that, and I do think it’s really important. And I’m not saying what we’ll do beyond the next session, but I do think it’s really important that he come in at least one time.

Lynette: Okay.

AhronsCommentary: The binuclear family can get stuck in a lot of different places, and mainly where it gets stuck is that there’s a power struggle between Mom and Dad. So in the dysfunctional binuclear family, what happens between the parents is all issues escalate into an old marital fight of some sort. So that if Mom and Dad are talking about Johnny’s grades in school, Mom will start to berate Dad for, “He never spent enough time with the kid. It goes way back to then. And you’ve never been very good at this anyway.” And then Dad will start to berate Mom and blame her, and they’ll be into some fight. They’ll even get into a sex fight. They’ll get into some fight that’s related to their marital angers and forget all about that the conversation started with Johnny. Most therapists end up calling in the parent whom the child is living with, usually Mother, and try to deal with that as a single parent situation, where a lot of the problem is related to the fact of the kids’ relationship—or lack of—with Dad, or what’s going on between Mom and Dad, or Mom is totally stuck in anger, or Dad is totally stuck in anger.

PHONE CALLAhrons:Hello, this is Dr. Ahrons.

Jeff: Dr. Ahrons, this is Jeff Whiting calling. I believe you saw my son, Grant, with my ex-wife, Lynette, last week?

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Ahrons:Yes, I did, and I’m very pleased that you called.

Jeff: I was told by Lynette that if I had any questions, I could give you a ring. And Lynette mentioned something about maybe coming myself, coming in for a session with you.

Ahrons:Yes, well, when I saw Lynette and Grant, and actually Josh was there, too, last week, you know, it became clear to me that some of the issues that are going on—Grant’s been having some school problems, I understand—and that some of the issues—

Jeff: Oh, he is, huh?

Ahrons:Yes, and some of the issues that are going on, seem to me that you’re involved in, too.

Jeff: Well, the school problems come as a surprise to me, and it also surprises me that you saw all three of them? Is that correct?

Ahrons:Yes, I did. You know, I think just the fact, Jeff, that the school problems are a surprise to you makes it important for you to be here and be part of it.

Jeff: You think so, huh?

Ahrons:Very much so. I’ve worked with a lot of divorced families, and it’s really important that the dad stay involved and be involved.

Jeff: Well, you know, I like to think of myself as involved. I just hesitate a little bit about coming in as a whole group.

Ahrons:Sure, sure. I mean, everybody’s a bit uncomfortable with it at first, but I think in terms of, you know, what’s going on with Grant and within the family, it would really make a big difference to see all of you together.

Jeff: You know, I tell you, Dr. Ahrons, what I’m somewhat concerned about is that Lynette and I have a problem seeing eye-to-eye—

Ahrons:Uh-huh.

Jeff: —and I really would prefer, I think, not to expose the boys to that. They seem to get enough of that in general. I mean, is there a way we could perhaps schedule something, just Lynette and I, with you?

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AhronsCommentary: Oftentimes the other parent is quite resistant to coming in. It was important in that phone call for me to convince him that he was very important to this family system, and that his presence would be important.

Jeff: Well, if you really think it’s going to help Grant, I’ll come in.

SECOND SESSIONAhrons:Okay, well, I’m really glad that you could all come in today. As you probably know, I did talk to Jeff on the phone, because you’re dad did call. And I explained to him a little bit about why we’re here and what we did last time. What I was wondering about now is, this must be a pretty uncomfortable thing. You don’t often get to sit in a room with your mom and dad together, do you, anymore? Scared that they’re going to fight, maybe?

Josh: Um, I don’t know. I really don’t know how they’re going to react. I hope not.

AhronsCommentary: Very often when both ex-spouses come in or the extended binuclear family comes in, it’s a situation that’s very new to them: that they’re all in the same room. At the same time, they have very, very stuck, old patterns of relating to one another. So, one of my main goals is to help them get unstuck by getting them to clarify their different points of view in a non-threatening way.

Ahrons:Well, let me just recap a little bit from our last session in terms of what I came away with, and where we can go from there. One of the things I heard in the last session is that it’s kind of difficult for the kids when they go back and forth between the two of you. And they’re with Mom most of the time, and with you every other weekend, and that things have changed a lot since Jonathan’s been born, and that’s made a difference. And maybe not as much to you Jeff, in the same way, or maybe it has, but in terms of the boys—

Jeff: Well, I’d say it’s a time thing for me. I just feel, you know, I’ve got to work, and obviously I want to be home with Jonathan and my wife, and the boys, I’d like to see the boys more. But, I just feel that even in the time that we do spend together, it seems very pressured and, you

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know, we don’t necessarily get along, and I just don’t like it. I mean, I wish there was a way we could do better together, but it just doesn’t go well. So then it gets me thinking, you know, maybe not to see them as often, or to see them in a different way, or what. I’m not sure. But it’s just—

Ahrons:So you kind of don’t know where to go.

Jeff: I really don’t. I don’t like what’s going on…I mean…and I just feel that I’m going off in too many different directions. Everybody wants something from me.

AhronsCommentary: It’s very important that I take the time to explore with each family member about what they’re feeling about what’s going on in the family. It’s a very hard position. Everybody in this family is in a difficult position. It’s hard to be the single mom, it’s hard to be the remarried dad, as Jeff shows as being caught in between, it’s hard to be the step mom. And it’s especially hard for the kids to have to manage this relationship between their parents.

Jeff: I think the guys, you know, would like to spend more time with me. I’d like to spend more time with them. I just think there’s not enough understanding from them, and maybe not from you either, about what it’s like for me. It’s just difficult to please everybody.

Lynette: Well, sure, it’s difficult for everybody to please everybody, but the point is, is that if they’re at your house and they’re only there a couple of times out of the month, I think that you should try to spend some time with them, and even get to know who they are. You don’t even know who they are anymore.

Jeff: Well, I’m not sure that’s true.

Lynette: And the point is, also, that, you know, both of them do miss you, and Grant, I think, is probably, though he doesn’t say it as much, is probably having more difficulty and fakes it better. And I don’t even think you know that.

Ahrons:You know, I was wondering: Have you two talked with each other like this before? Or is this really unusual? I don’t mean just with the boys here, but without the boys. Do you two talk with each other on the phone or discuss what’s been going on with the kids?

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Lynette: Not if we can help it.

Ahrons:No.

Jeff: No, it ends up being like an exchange of one-liners, really, and I never feel that she’s really willing to listen, and I get ticked off pretty quickly from the way she talks to me. You know. I think she doesn’t understand, and so that makes me angry, and she tries—

Ahrons:Uh-hmm. Understand your plight in life.

Jeff: Yeah, and I think she tries to make me feel guilty about our boys, and I really resent that. She doesn’t seem to think I’m making an effort, and I feel like I am, and—

Ahrons:Um-hmm.

Jeff: And, you know, the other thing is sometimes I think she passes off the responsibility to me when really it has more to do with her.

Ahrons:Um-hmm.

Jeff: You know? It’s like—

Lynette: I can’t…How do you think I’m passing responsibility off to you? I have them every day of the week; you have them, you know, roughly four days a month.

Jeff: Um-hmm.

Lynette: You know, you send your child support check, and then the rest of your life you go off and have a regular life. You know, you’re not struggling. What is it that I don’t understand?

Ahrons:It seems that one of the things that happens with the two of you is that it’s really hard to have some constructive conversation about what’s going on with the kids without blaming the other one.

Jeff: Yeah, that sounds right.

Lynette: Um-hmm.

Ahrons:That it’s really hard to say, “Okay, maybe some things are happening in our lives that are making it difficult for the kids, and how can we do something to make it better?”

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Jeff: You know, I think it would go much better, I think you guys would have an altogether different experience, if you came fulltime to live and visited Mom. You know, like if we reverse the deal that we’ve got going now. I just think that would, you know. You say you want quality time and I’m, you know, I think that might be a very efficient way to resolve all of that.

Grant: But then when would we get quality time with her?

Jeff: Well, when you see her. Because she doesn’t have any distractions.

Grant: She works.

Josh: She’s going to be alone. I don’t want her, you know—

Jeff: She’s got a life.

Ahrons:Let me just ask you a question. Have you two talked about this at all?

Lynette: No.

Jeff: Well—

Lynette: No, we haven’t.

Jeff: Well, all right. Well, we’ve mentioned it to each other.

Lynette: I don’t even know why you’re bringing that up right now, actually.

Jeff: Well because the boys feel like they want to spend more time with me, and I’m trying to figure out how that could happen. Every time I try to talk to you about this, we just, you know—

Lynette: But that’s an extreme ex…I mean, that’s an extreme answer. That’s not an answer.

Grant: What if we tried seeing you more, like every weekend? Not just every other weekend.

Ahrons:So interestingly enough, you know, Grant’s suggesting maybe a compromise in here. That maybe you could increase time spent with the boys without changing, you know, the structure that much. And that may be something we can explore more.

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Grant: Or maybe, like, we wouldn’t necessarily have to do it every weekend, but more on the weekdays. That way he would know more about school.

AhronsCommentary:In binuclear families, there’s always some degree of conflict, and it’s very important as a therapist that you allow some of that conflict to unfold and manage it. And also normalize it. The conflict is not going to go away—some of that will always be there—and to help them understand that it’s part of the way their family functions.

Ahrons:I want us to deal a little bit with what’s going on with Grant in school. I wonder how much you know about what problems he’s been having in school.

Jeff: I know very little, and I just can’t figure this out. I don’t understand it. I can’t even believe that these problems are really that serious.

Ahrons:Um-hmm.

Jeff: Grant and Josh are both very smart guys. I mean, they’ve got a lot on the ball, and Grant knows how to behave himself and, you know, and how to apply himself. He’s got good discipline. I don’t get it. I really don’t. Sometimes I think that this is all contrived. That it’s really, you know, that Lynette’s started things.

Ahrons:You mean by the teacher, or Lynette?

Jeff: I’m not sure. I’m not sure. You know, I haven’t… I confess, I haven’t talked directly to the teacher, but the bits and pieces I hear from Lynette, I wonder how serious this really is. Or maybe she’s, you know, punctuating it that way; she’s telling me it’s serious.

Ahrons:So maybe one of the things that you need to do is to get some direct information.

Jeff: From…

Ahrons:So it doesn’t just come from Lynette. From a teacher.

Jeff: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would—

AhronsCommentary: It was clear in the session that Lynette and Jeff had very little communication, and what they did have was negative.

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Ahrons:It sounds like maybe, that when you initiate and ask for something, that goes better than when you’re in the position of having to call—

Lynette: That’s true.

Ahrons:—and say that he didn’t do something, or why didn’t he do something.

Lynette: Because I don’t like calling, I, you know, just like you say you feel that I attack you, I also feel like I hate to call you and ask you to do something with them, or… I hate calling. I feel like you’re cold and detached. So maybe—

Ahrons:You mentioned earlier that when you call, Mary Kay often answers, and—

Lynette: And frequently Mary Kay answers the phone. I feel awkward.

Jeff: Why?

Lynette: Because I don’t want to talk to her, that’s why.

Jeff: Well, why not?

Lynette: I don’t like her.

Jeff: What’s wrong with her?

Lynette: It’s pri…I have no idea. I don’t know her, so, maybe it’s—

Jeff: Maybe that’s the problem.

Lynette: Well I don’t actually want to know her.

Jeff: She’s very nice. The boys know her, they like her, she likes the boys. I mean, you know, we tend to get along.

Lynette: Fine, that’s good. I’m really happy. That’s—

Ahrons:I know you would like the two women in your life to have more of a relationship.

Jeff: Yeah, I mean, they don’t have to become best friends, but I just think Lynette’s got a really bad attitude toward Mary Kay. I mean, she just won’t even cut her any slack. And she also doesn’t seem to understand that, you know, Mary Kay is very nice to our boys. I mean, Mary Kay cooks for these guys, you know. She’s interested—

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Ahrons:So she’s already involved in your life, you’re saying.

Jeff: Absolutely.

Ahrons:She’s already part of this family.

Jeff: Absolutely. And Mary K.ay I think, gets upset that Lynette doesn’t sometimes even seem to be civil. I mean, she calls and right away doesn’t even say how are you doing? Or how are things going? I mean, she’s just like, “Is Jeff there?”

Ahrons:Have you two ever met, really? I mean face-to-face? Or—

Lynette: Um….

Josh: Football games and stuff.

Lynette: We just…no, not…I mean, we didn’t spend any time together. I really don’t know her.

AhronsCommentary:During this session it became increasingly clear that the boys were caught in a loyalty conflict between their mom and dad, and that they were worried about their mom. They were worried about her being alone. And what also got identified is that there were some issues between Mom and Step Mom, between Lynette and Mary Kay.

The key dimensions of my clinical approach are, first of all, to try to get both parents into the session. My preference is that in the first session, I can convince the parent that I’m working with to ask their ex to come in. However, if they’re unwilling to do so or they’re uncomfortable in doing so, I’m willing to make that phone call and to initiate it with the ex. In the case where the ex is willing to come in but also resistant to coming in with their ex-spouse for the first time, I will also consider seeing that ex alone for one time to balance the situation.

Second would be to try for the entire family, to normalize it by helping them see themselves as a binuclear family. The third thing is you’re caught in the middle like a judge between the spouses, so to not permit them to go back into marital history, but to stay in the present and even in the future in how they’re going to deal with one another.

Another component is to have the ex-spouses have a goal that they work toward together, which is what I call a limited partnership. And to have

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them work on that partnership with some future intent, and to cut out a lot of the extraneous things that are going on between them. A limited partnership is also a term that I coined because I wanted to take it out of the realm of emotionality and put it into more of a business realm. And the limitations on that partnership can be from that we can’t talk to each other—you know, we have to send notes—all the way to when Dad comes into the house, he can’t go to the refrigerator.

DimensionsoftheClinicalApproach

• Includingbothparents

• Normalizingbinuclearfamily

• Avoidingoldmaritalconflict

• Creatingalimitedpartnership

However people want to set up these limitations, which are essentially boundaries and they’re rules for how the family operates, but it puts it, again, into a normalizing frame when we talk about limited partnerships.

THIRD SESSIONAhronsCommentary:I decided to see Grant and Josh alone because it was very clear to me that they were caught in between their parents and that there were many things that they wouldn’t say in the presence of both parents. I wanted to see them alone to help them get out from the middle of the struggle.

Ahrons:Last week when we were together with everybody, you know, your dad brought up the whole thing about maybe you’d want to, you know, he’d like you to live with him fulltime, and what do you guys think about that?

Josh: I really don’t think that that’s an option. I wouldn’t want to do that.

Ahrons:Um-hmm. How about you, Grant?

Grant: It’d leave my mom alone. She doesn’t have anybody if she…if we were to leave her alone. And Dad does have a whole other family.

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Ahrons:You know, you seem really worried about Mom. You talk a lot about Mom being alone, and you seem really worried about that. What do you think would happen to her?

Grant: I think she’d just be basically lonely. I mean, she—

Ahrons:Would she cry? Would she…What would she do if she were lonely?

Grant: She might cry. She—

Ahrons:She’d miss you terribly.

Grant: Yeah. And she’d be in pain And obviously Dad doesn’t feel that way, and he’s not with us.

Ahrons:Um-hmm. So Dad can take care of himself and maybe Mom can’t?

Grant: Well, I mean since he remarried.

Josh: She can take care of herself. I know she can. But I still…I wouldn’t want her just to be by herself.

Ahrons:Um-hmm. So you’d worry about her?

Josh: Yeah.

Ahrons:What do you think is going to happen when you guys are gone?

Josh: I don’t know. Hopefully she’ll—

Grant: Hopefully she’ll be fine.

Ahrons:So she’ll find someone else besides you two to take care of her?

Grant: Yeah.

Ahrons:I know you guys are worried about your mom, and worried that she’s going to get really lonely, you know, if you like Mary Kay a little bit more or spend more time with Dad. But I think, you know, one of the things we’re going to work on in here is for her to be able to talk about that and get more comfortable with that. And she’s got me, you know, that she can talk to, too. And I think it’s going to maybe

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make it easier on you guys if you don’t have to take care of her quite so much. It’ll make it easier for you, you two. So I think, you know, next time you’re going to meet with Mary Kay and Mom. Are you kind of worried about that?

Josh: I don’t…I don’t know how it will work out. Hopefully it will be okay. I think it probably will.

AhronsCommentary:One of the key goals in working with the binuclear family is to help all of the adults in the family system find their role. These roles are ill-defined in society. They don’t know where to look for roles. They don’t know how to act with one another. It’s an entirely new situation for them. And so part of my job as a therapist is to help them find ways to act, ways to be in this family that does not threaten the other person too greatly.

A healthy binuclear family is not without conflict. One of the things that I’ve found in my research is that one of the differences was not the amount of anger that people have who were not having functional families, who were not able to cooperate with their exes. There wasn’t that much difference in anger. It was how they coped with their anger.

FOURTH SESSIONSix weeks into the therapy, I asked Lynette and Jeff to agree to have Mary Kay come and join us.

Ahrons:I’m really glad to see you all here today and know that you could all come. [To Mary Kay] We’ve been doing this quite awhile before you came, so this is your first time here. I imagine that you feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Mary Kay: A little.

Ahrons:A little. And how about you?

Lynette: Yes, I am.

Ahrons:Have you two sat in a room together before?

Mary Kay: No, not really. We’ve had, um, you know, fleeting glances of one another at various activities for the boys, but we haven’t actually talked.

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AhronsCommentary:I waited to invite Mary Kay in until Lynette was feeling sufficiently comfortable in session and her communication with Jeff had improved.

Ahrons:One of the reasons that it’s important that we all get together at this point in time is because there are some themes that have been coming up, you know, over the couple of months that we’ve been seeing each other. And one of the themes is how the boys get caught in between, you know, they feel like they’re two different people in two different households, and that it’s hard for them to think of this whole unit—including Jonathan, who’s not here today—but this whole unit as one family.

AhronsCommentary:I had several goals in this session. One, I had to have the family begin to think of themselves as a whole family, as a binuclear family. I had to help Mom and Stepmom, Lynette and Mary Kay, begin to forge a new relationship, one that’s uncharted.

Ahrons:So some of the things that we came to some, I think, that we worked out some nice agreements about is that, Jeff, you’re going to see the boys a little bit more often, and, you we’re going to also—I wonder how that’s worked out in terms of you getting in touch directly with the school—and the problem that initially brought Lynette…

Jeff: Yeah, I’ve found I needed to stay on top of them because it’s not something they’re not automatically willing to do.

Ahrons:And I guess that the difficulty and the thing we’re going to have to work a little harder on today is how to get the two of you is to be able to feel comfortable to talk to one another. I’m not suggesting you have to be best friends, but I am suggesting, because of your involvement with the boys, that it would be helpful to them if you at least had an amicable relationship. You know, at least that you could be comfortable in each other’s presence at certain functions and times. You know, I wonder if either of you has made an attempt to reach out to the other one, or you’re waiting for the other one to do it.

Mary Kay: Well, I feel that I have been open. I welcome the boys when they come into our home. It hasn’t always been well received, but I try to plan things for their birthdays and holidays. I try to—

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Ahrons:In terms of the boys, I think what I was referring to is whether you and Lynette have in any way reached out to one another. Initiated. Have either of you done any initiation of, “Well, we’re in this family together. I don’t know if we like each other or not, but how are we going to be in this family together?”

Mary Kay: I’ve felt very threatened and intimated by Lynette. Sometimes when she calls the house she just says, kind of, “Put Jeff on the phone.” I mean, I feel like there’s been kind of almost an invisibility to me. I don’t exist. She’s almost put out that I answer the phone in my own home.

Jeff: Um-hmm.

Lynette: I haven’t been willing to reach out. The reason is, and there has been a time in the past when I’ve tried to make arrangements with Jeff. He wants to be more involved, so we try to find a time when he can take the boys to baseball, or whatever. And on a number of occasions that we’ve tried that, every single time, Mary Kay will end up, instead of Jeff doing what he’s committed to doing, that Mary Kay is the one that does it instead. So she’s the one that, what I feel, interferes with what we’re trying to accomplish because, instead of Dad coming and taking the boys, then Mary Kay comes. I feel like, you know, she’s trying to take over my role. I don’t really want to reach out in that way.

Ahrons:What kind of role do you think Mary Kay can have? I mean, she is part of the family and is going to stay part of this family. What kind of role would be comfortable for you, for her to start to take on?

Lynette: Well, I don’t know what role is comfortable. I know what isn’t comfortable, and what isn’t comfortable is that she plays the role of mother to my kids. When she takes them places, drops them off, picks them up.

Josh: I don’t think that’s so unreasonable, you know? I mean, if she has to help out Dad once in awhile, I don’t think that it’s a big deal that, you know, that she takes us, you know, or she at least drops us off. You know, he’s got to work late sometimes and she does that as a favor.

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Lynette: Some of the time, I think, is okay. It’s just that it seems to be all the time, and so what it feels like to me is that she’s trying to play the role of mom.

Ahrons:You don’t like that he’s getting off the hook.

Lynette: Well right, exactly, because that’s been the point.

Ahrons:And you don’t have anybody to help you, and here he’s got somebody who can take over for him.

Lynette: Right. Exactly.

Ahrons:So it’s not just that picking up or dropping off the kids is being mom-like.

Lynette: Right.

Ahrons:It’s that he’s getting away with something.

Lynette: Yeah. And that they have a partnership and I, you know.

Mary Kay: It just seems to me that you’re just kind of jealous that he’s remarried and has another woman in his life. I mean that’s not even about you. I mean, the boys are sitting here saying it’s okay with them if I pick them up.

Lynette: Well—

Ahrons:It must feel like everybody’s ganging up on you now.

Josh: Well I think that I’m not, you know…I think that in some ways, yes, it’s okay that she helps out Dad, but I don’t think that she needs to take the responsibility that he should have. And I think she does that sometimes, and in some ways it’s not her fault really, you know. It’s his.

Grant: Especially when it’s like we don’t get to see him as much as we do Mom.

Ahrons:So you’re kind of agreeing with both of them a little bit.

Grant: Yeah.

Ahrons:It’s okay for Mary Kay sometimes to do that, but not too much?

Josh: I don’t think that it’s that big of a deal, you know, that she helps us out when she does that.

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Ahrons:Yeah. Why do you think Mom gets so upset by it?

Josh: I think she feels threatened by Mary Kay.

Ahrons:Maybe you could tell Mom that Mary Kay is never going to be your mom.

Josh: I, you know, you will not be my mom and you can’t replace her, but you will be my friend, and I think, you know, I think she knows that, and I don’t think that that’s too big of a deal. I just—

Lynette: I know that in my head. But it still doesn’t mean that I don’t feel threatened, you know.

Ahrons:Well it’s kind of hard for two women who play mother roles to be in one family. We don’t have a whole lot of families to look out and say, “How do two women—one married at one time or another to the same man, sharing children—share the role in some way without anybody feeling like something’s being taken away from them. How can we put this together in a way that both of you feel like you get something from it, rather than have to give up too much?

Lynette: Well I don’t know. You know, I think that Mary Kay doesn’t understand…I mean, I don’t know how you’d feel if Jonathan came over to spend time with the boys and you saw me picking him up and holding him, or taking him in and out of the car, how you would feel. You know, I think if you can imagine what that would feel like, you’d have a better understanding of what I feel like when I see you driving off with my kids.

Mary Kay: You’re right. I don’t have any idea how that must feel for you, Lynette. But I don’t want to be the mother to these boys. These are great kids. It’s clear to me that you’ve done something right, and I have some respect for that, Lynette. I’m not trying to take your children, but when they come into my home, I am the mother in that home, and I have to feel free to mother them when they’re in my home. If that means fixing dinner or dropping them off at a game, that’s what it means.

AhronsCommentary:It is interesting to note how far this family has traveled from the first session that was so child-focused. In this illustration, where I have a fairly cooperative family working with me,

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my work is quite subtle. I use a lot of questioning. The family is very dependent on me to keep things modulated and to not let things get out of control. And I try very much to give them that feeling that they can depend on me to keep things moving slowly and subtly.

In families where there’s much more conflict, I have to be more directive. I have to, at times, literally say, “You can’t talk now.” You know, hold this down and give this person a chance, and so on. I have to do more direction in a family that is more dysfunctional in some ways than this family was.

Ahrons:We’re getting toward the end of our time together today, and I’d like to at least, you know, bring together some of the things we’ve decided on, and maybe to clarify some things and bring some things out in the open. One of the things that I noticed you didn’t pay much attention to was when Mary Kay said, “These are two great boys, and you must have been doing something pretty wonderful.”

Lynette: I heard it, and I appreciated that comment, because I think they’re pretty good boys, too.

Ahrons:So that’s at least one thing that the two of you really agree on, or that the three of you agree on, is that you’ve got some great kids here, and therefore you’ve done something…This has been…It’s a really hard position that you’re in. I mean, you’ve been struggling, going back to school. You’ve been doing it on your own. You’ve been working long hours. You’ve been working different shifts. You know, and trying to do all of this on your own. And it is hard to see your ex-husband putting life together in a little bit easier way than you can do right now.

Lynette: Right, right.

Ahrons:And that’s hard, you know? And that’s something that maybe you and I can deal more with and talk more about, because it is a hard situation. But I think it was really neat that she acknowledged you in that way.

Lynette: I do, too.

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Ahrons:And I think that that’s an important piece. And so I’d like to kind of build that in. I wonder if it, when you do talk with each other on the telephone, perhaps you might ask the other one how they’re doing or what’s up. You don’t know much about each other’s lives, even. You might find you have some mutual respect going, you know? And you might be able to share some of that. But at least, at baseline, some civility, you know? How are you doing, or say hello to one another. Either way. And then the other thing that’s a critical variable in this is that the two of you are going to have to work a little bit more closely than you have been, and that you are the primary relationship.

AhronsCommentary:So we leave this family illustration in midstream. If this were a real case, what I would expect to see is more conflicts between the parents, but that the boys would feel less conflict; they would feel less caught in the middle. Even these first few steps can make a very big difference with the boys.

CONCLUSIONI think most therapists don’t want to work with binuclear families or don’t even think about working with binuclear families because it makes them anxious to have so many people who don’t get along in one room together. So the ex-spouses themselves don’t like to be there together, or if they have new spouses they won’t want to bring them in, and the therapist also has that same anxiety about how do I take this group of people who don’t want to be together and have them work it out in some way.

One of the most exciting things for me in working with binuclear families is that even small changes, like we saw between Lynette and Mary Kay at the end, make tremendous differences in these families. It’s very, very different for the children once the mom and step mom are not having a war with one another. I hope that this video has changed your way of thinking about divorced families, and that in your clinical practice, you will begin to see the challenge and the importance of working with binuclear families.

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Video CreditsCONTENT EXPERT:Constance Ahrons, PhD

DIRECTOR:Steve Lerner, PhD

PRODUCER:Peter Graumann, MA

VIDEO SCRIPT:Peter Graumann, MA Steve Lerner, Ph.D.

CAMERA:D. Patrick Horton Aaron Cullen

SOUND:Jerry Zelinger

VIDEO PRODUCTION: The VideoWorks, Inc., Kansas City

EDITING: Gerry Cullen

COMPUTER GRAPHICS: Dick Espy

Special thanks to our “Binuclear Family” Lynette Whittey Josh Whittey Grant Whittey Mary K. Cocharo Jeffrey Whiting

And the Saint Monica’s Catholic Church

© 2007 Psychotherapy.net, LLC.

Originally published in VHS, 1995, Equal Partners Productions.

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Notes…

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About the Contributors

VIDEO PARTICIPANTConstanceAhrons,PhD, Featured Therapist, is director of Divorce and Remarriage Consulting Associates in San Diego, California, as well as professor emerita and former director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Doctoral Training Program at the University of Southern California. An internationally renowned lecturer, consultant, and workshop leader, she is the author of The Good Divorce and co-author of Divorced Families.

MANUAL AUTHORSRandallC.Wyatt,PhD,is Editor-in-Chief of Psychotherapy.net. He is a practicing psychologist specializing in posttraumatic stress, couples and family therapy, and cultural diversity in Oakland, California, and he has extensive teaching experience. He can be contacted at rcwyatt@psychotherapy.net.

ErikaL.Seid,MA,MFT, Educational Programs Manager at Psychotherapy.net, is a practicing psychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area, specializing in cultural issues and sexual offender treatment.

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EvanImber-Black Family Secrets: Implications for Theory and Therapy

ArnoldLazarus Arnold Lazarus: Live Case Consultation

Steve Lerner She’s Leaving Me: A Four-Stage Treatment Model for Men Struggling with Relationship Loss

Ronald Levant Effective Psychotherapy with Men

Hanna Levenson Time-Limited Dynamic Psychotherapy

Marco J.D. Maida Jacob Levy Moreno: His Life and his Muses

Rollo May Rollo May on Existential Psychotherapy

MonicaMcGoldrick The Legacy of Unresolved Loss: A Family Systems Approach

Donald Meichenbaum Mixed Anxiety and Depression: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach

Jacob Moreno Moreno Movies (4-DVD Series)

ZerkaT.Moreno Psychodrama in Action

Zerka on Psychodrama

Psychodrama, Sociometry and Beyond

George Papageorge Connecting with Our Kids: Communication that Promotes Closeness & Confidence

Erving Polster Psychotherapy with the Unmotivated Patient

Ron Scott (Producer) Psychotherapy with Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Clients

Program 1: Historical Perspectives

Program 2: Individual Assessment and Psychotherapy

Program 3: Relationships, Families and Couples Counseling

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Program 4: The Coming Out Process

Program 5: The Bisexual Experience

Program 6: Diversity and Multiple Identities

Program 7: Sexual Minority Adolescents

MartinSeligmanwithRandall C. Wyatt

Positive Psychology and Psychotherapy

LenoreWalker The Abused Woman: A Survivor Therapy Approach

Irvin Yalom The Gift of Therapy: A Conversation with Irvin Yalom, MD

Irvin Yalom: Live Case Consultation

Understanding Group Psychotherapy

Volume 1: Outpatients

Volume 2: Inpatients

Volume 3: An Interview

CHILD THERAPY WITH THE EXPERTS SERIES

Jon Carlson Adlerian Parent Consultation

Janet Sasson Edgette Adolescent Family Therapy

Gerald Koocher Psychotherapy with Medically Ill Children

Terry Kottman Adlerian Play Therapy

Stephen Madigan Narrative Therapy with Children

BruceMasek Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with Children

John J. Murphy Solution-Focused Child Therapy

VioletOaklander Gestalt Therapy with Children

David Scharff Object Relations Child Therapy

AninUtigaard Person-Centered Child Therapy

Robert E. Wubbolding Reality Therapy with Children

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BRIEF THERAPY FOR ADDICTIONS SERIES

BruceS.Liese Cognitive Therapy for Addictions

G.AlanMarlatt Harm Reduction Therapy for Addictions

BarbaraS.McCrady Couples Therapy for Addictions: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach

William R. Miller Motivational Interviewing

JohnC.Norcross Stages of Change for Addictions

Robert E. Wubbolding Reality Therapy for Addictions

JoanEllenZweben Integrating Therapy with 12-Step Programs

PSYCHOTHERAPY WITH THE EXPERTS SERIES

InsooKimBerg Solution Focused Therapy with Insoo Kim Berg, MSSW

JamesBugental Existential-Humanistic Psychotherapy with James Bugental, PhD

Jon Carlson Adlerian Therapy with Jon Carlson, PsyD, EdD

Mary Goulding Transactional Analysis with Mary Goulding, MSW

KennethV.Hardy Family Systems Therapy with Kenneth V. Hardy, PhD

AllenE.Ivey Integrative Therapy with Allen E. Ivey, EdD

Jeffrey Kottler Integrative Therapy with Jeffrey Kottler, PhD

JohnKrumboltz Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with John Krumboltz, PhD

ArnoldLazarus Multimodal Therapy with Arnold Lazarus, PhD

Donald Meichenbaum Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with Donald Meichenbaum, PhD

NatalieRogers Person-Centered Therapy with Natalie Rogers, PhD

Ernest Rossi Mind-Body Therapy with Ernest Rossi, PhD

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Jill Savege Scharff Object Relations Therapy with Jill Savege Scharff, MD

LenoreWalker Feminist Therapy with Lenore Walker, EdD

Robert E. Wubbolding Reality Therapy with Robert E. Wubbolding, EdD

To contact Psychotherapy.net

Email: orders@psychotherapy.net Phone: (415) 752-2235 / Toll Free: (800) 577-4762 (US & Canada)

To contact Psychotherapy.net

Email: orders@psychotherapy.net Phone: (415) 752-2235 / Toll Free: (800) 577-4762 (US &

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