Making Decisions-A Short Course

• A WORKSHOP FOR LAWYERS ABOUT CAREER DECISION MAKING

Why Lawyers Get Stuck-Career Indecisiveness

• Not all lawyers have made an unequivocal decision to be or remain lawyers-some level of doubt is common

• Some lawyers drifted into law almost by default or accident-”I found myself with a B.A. and wasn’t sure what to do-so I went into law-at least I could make a living out of it”

• Some were unduly influenced by parents “Be a lawyer- it is easy money and you can get things done in the world”-what is often unconscious is “If you end up as a lawyer it will vindicate the crappy parenting I feel guilty about”

Why lawyers Get Stuck

• Some lawyers went into law with no realistic idea of what it is like-they had never set foot in a law office and their only knowledge of law comes from TV or the movies

• Even those who did have somewhat of an idea of the reality of it are taken aback when they actually have to do it-law school really gives no idea of what real practice is like-or even how to do much law besides research

• Few lawyers do much serious career planning (even though they did meticulous academic planning) in terms of matching aptitude and skills and temperament to what is needed in law

Why Lawyers Get stuck

• A substantial percentage of Lawyers actually don’t do much career planning until they have been practicing for a few years-by then they can be unhappy or dissatisfied

• Most Lawyers take the first articling job they are offered and will stay on, if asked, even if the situation is clearly unsuitable for them-imagine if you picked your spouse this way-you would be married to the first person who asked you out!!

• There are several big decisions lawyers need to make-what culture will I do best in and what area of law is best suited for me?

What Beliefs Cause Indecisiveness?

• “Waiting for something to come up”-this is a passive approach-nothing will come up-you must be proactive

• “Looking for the perfect option”-perfectionism is a neurosis not a desirable belief-it will result in endless procrastination

• “Fear of change-this will look bad on my resume” change is normal and necessary in a legal career especially in the first few years

What Beliefs Cause Indecisiveness?

• “Living in potential”-having a number of options but not following up on any of them

• “Hoping it will get better over time”-frustration, disappointment and anger is the universe telling you a change is needed-getting used to suffering is not helpful

• “Hoping for a blinding flash of inspiration”-this happens in movies not real life-you will find out buy doing some inner work and taking action

• “Over thinking the Situation”-many lawyers think that if they think about it enough an answer will appear -you need to act your way into a new way of thinking not think your way into a new way of acting

• The best way to learn about a new career or practicing a different type of law is to talk to people already doing it

“Too bad to stay but too good to leave”

• If you are in this situation a real decision has to be made-not a pseudo decision

• Many people have a hard time making decisions

• Obsessing and ruminating are 1-symptoms of poor decision making ability 2-trying to think your way out of the situation 3- ways of avoiding fear and risk 4- looking for the perfect decision 5- hoping to avoid consequences of your decision

Lore Approach“Pathfinder”

• In this approach you examine what factors influence your decisions now

• Most decisions are based on habit and being on automatic pilot-i.e. what route you take to work in the morning

• Exercise; bring to mind 3 recent decisions and determine which of the following factors you used

• Logic and Analysis -this is based on thought alone-add up the pros and cons, assign a value to them and poof you’re done-problem is you aren't actually making the decision your rules are

• Feelings and passions -this is the other side: relying solely on feelings-the problem is feelings are like weather –they come and go

Lore Approach

• Romantic yearnings -this is falling in love with a story you have about another person or a career, rather than reality

• Resonance -this is gut instinct or intuition-this, without considering other factors, can result in poor decisions

• External sources -this relying on others to make important decisions-mom may be happy you are a lawyer but she never sees the downside

Lore Approach

• Reaction and Rebellion -doing the opposite of whatever you don’t like about what you are doing now-this also includes compliance- which is just the flip side of rebellion. Both are handing over your power to others

• Random -going with the flow involves an abdication of decision making-fine for a weekend but causes problems if it is about your career (lawyers do this surprisingly often-taking the first articling job they are offered or staying on somewhere just to avoid a job search)

Lore Approach

• Shoulds-this about being a slave to bias and judgments “I must work at a big tier one law firm or I am a failure”

• Practicing Free Choice: “To select freely without being ruled by conditioned thinking” or “to select freely, after thoughtful deliberation”

• Step 1 -Notice how you make decisions now-what factors influence you the most?-How well does this work?-Did you make the decision or the method it self?

Lore Approach

• Step 2 –Learn all you can about the matter in question-use the previously discussed methods to your advantage-as allies to your decision making process

• A) Logic and Analysis -fully inform yourself using all appropriate research

• B) Feelings, Inclinations, Preferences: Use these to add to the information mix

Lore Approach

• C) Romantic yearnings: Pay attention to passions, they are often important clues. Don't be a slave to them –just because you love dogs doesn’t mean you should be a veterinarian

• D) Resonance: Pay attention to “vibes” this is important in picking law firm culture-even sitting in a waiting room of some law firms you pick up its energy

• E) External sources: Informational interviews or expert opinions-talk to the LAP!!

Lore Approach

• F) Reaction, Rebellion, Compliance -can be useful tools-people are often very clear about what they don’t want-is your compliance need keeping you stuck?

• G) Random: Serendipity can be useful-sometimes “accidents” are not accidents at all

• H)Shoulds and Yeahbuts -are very useful in estimating what could go wrong-Murphy's Law is useful at times

Make a Choice

• Step 3- Make a choice-after taking the above into consideration-not relying on any factor in particular

• It is as simple as that-you have done all you can and must now decide-delaying the decision further (deciding not to decide) will not result in a better decision

Troubleshooting

• Difficulty in Deciding• 1)You haven’t gathered all the information

you need-maybe you need to do more informational interviews

• 2)You are deciding not to decide-not always a bad thing-sometimes you do need to delay making a decision

• 3)you are trying to keep all options open-this usually results in chronic procrastination-you must give up the path not chosen-you have limited time, money and energy-you cannot and will not be able to do every thing you want-I call this “living in potential”

Troubleshooting

• How do I know if I am making the right decision?-the first thing to realize is there is no right decision-just the best decision you could have made under the circumstances. In job changes every move is simply an experiment based on the best information available at the time

• What if it turns out to be the wrong decision?-sometimes this will happen and you learn the lesson, skip the self beating-then move on

Rubin Approach“Overcoming Indecisiveness”

Real Decisions

• Translate thought into decisive action

• Break through inhibition and paralysis

• Success is directly proportional to the willingness to make decisions

• Chronic procrastination is a result of abdication of decision-making

Abdication

• Will severely limit accomplishment in any area of our lives

• i.e.-indecision about career change-fear of change vs. value of change

• Results in a deadening of self• Parts of ourselves are unavailable

to be felt, reached, or used

Real Decisions

• A free,unconditional,total and personal commitment to a choice or option

• Involve logic and feelings• A full commitment to one road

only• Enhance self esteem• Increase self confidence

Pseudodecisions

• Appear to be a decision but are not

• Paralysis, undermining commitment and avoiding con flicting feelings are all forms of indecision

• Procrastination is often really a form of indecisiveness

• Ambivalence-”waiting for something to turn up” or" no choice is quite right”

Pseudecisions-2

• Impulse Moves• Letting someone else decide• Rebellious Decisions• One foot in - One foot out• Ruminating about the past

Decision Exercise

• Write 3 decisions you have recently made that feel like “real” decisions to you

• Write 3 decisions you need to make, but are having trouble with.

• What do you believe is getting in the way of making these decisions?

• Think- Pair -Share

Decision Blockers

1. Losing touch with feelings2. Resignation-avoiding anxiety3. Confused or absence of,

priorities4. Poor self esteem5. Hopelessness/Depression6. Unrealistic self image7. Self Erasing/obsessive need to

be liked8. Perfectionism-common with

Lawyers

Decision Blockers-2

1. Wanting it all-Malignant belief that if you make no choice you will have a chance to have it all

2. Illustration-A 4 year old in a Toy Store-You can have 1 toy!

3. All decisions involve some form of payment-i.e.... discarded choices

Decision Blockers-3

1. Something better will come along

2. Fear of self hate due to a bad choice-need to be right

3. Coulda,Woulda,Shoulda-berating the self

4. Option Blindness

5. Time pressure distortion

6. Impaired judgment

The Big Fact

• In very few instances is one decision actually better than another

• The substance of the decision is less important than the process

• A choice works by reason of the amount of investment and energy put into it by decision maker

• The decision maker makes or breaks the decision according to the strength or weakness of the commitment and loyalty to the choice

• Decision failure is really a lack of dedicated commitment to the choice

Priorities

• The position of life’s issues on our personal scale of importance

• Tell us about our values• Being out of touch with our

priorities results in chaotic decisions

• Some priorities are not fully conscious

• Honesty with self is critical here• Priority exercise

Eight Stages of Decision Making

1.Listing and observing all the possibilities, options or choices

-not a time for judgment

-perfectionism is dangerous here

2.Sustaining a free flow of feelings and thoughts about each of the possible choices

3.Observing thoughts and feelings about each of the options and applying those feelings

Eight Stages of Decision Making-2

4.Relating choices to established priorities

-i.e. buying a car-money,ownership,prestige,aesthetics,comfort,integrety,peace of mind etc.

5.Designating one choice; Discarding those not chosen

-will “feel right”

-tough part is letting go of other choices

Eight Stages of Decision Making-3

6.Registering the decision

-dangerous stage for obsessive ruminator

7.Investing the decision with committed feelings,thoughts,time and energy.

-Must absoposativamalutely let go of nonchosen options

8.Translating the decision into optimistic action

-must invest loyalty and optimism about the decision

Decision Success

• Know your priorities• Establishing realistic goals and

expectations• Knowing there is always a price

to pay• Recognizing major personal

assets• Knowing and exploring your

proclivities• Getting over fear of rejection and

failure

Decision Success-2

• Leaving- is non involving/Going to- is involving the self

• Conditions are always imperfect• Moods make a difference • Accepting some ambivalence• Accepting some insecurity and

anxiety• Interest comes after involvement• Integrated concentration

Decision Success-3

• Profiting from other peoples experience and help

• Delegating responsibility• Effective use of time• Insight,motivation,discipline• Postponement of gratification• Value of struggle