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![Page 1: Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs SASH Conference 2012 San Antonio, Texas, September.](https://reader035.fdocuments.net/reader035/viewer/2022070323/56649d985503460f94a83340/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
Making Advances
And You Thought Treating Female Partners
Was Challenging!Treating Male Partners of
FSLAs• SASH Conference 2012• San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012
• Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
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MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES
• Unique
shame
• Cultural stereotypes
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
![Page 5: Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs SASH Conference 2012 San Antonio, Texas, September.](https://reader035.fdocuments.net/reader035/viewer/2022070323/56649d985503460f94a83340/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS
• Strong disagreement about best
approach
• Strong agreement about
commonalities
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS
• Angry
• Also addicted
• Avoidant
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
PAIN
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SYSTEMS THEORY
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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SYSTEMS THEORY
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
• Roles
• Rules
• Attachment issues
Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder.
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CO-ADDICTION MODEL
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
NOT responsible for addict’s behavior.
IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues.
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CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF…
• Trauma
• Unhealthy Coping
• Impaired Intimacy
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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HISTORY OF ABUSE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Addict Spouse
Sexual 81% 81%
Physical 72% 71%
Emotional 97% 91%
Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers.
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CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Search and seizure
Control Complain Threaten Ignore Rage Focus on kids/
workManipulate
Withdraw/shut down
Become more sexual
Engage in own addiction
Tolerate impaired intimacy
Self-righteousness
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CO-ADDICTION IS…
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Focusing on someone else’s life
Believing you can control people and events outside yourself
An obsession with the possibility
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TRAUMA MODEL
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
• “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.”
• Partner receives equal clinical attention
Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal
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TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)
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TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY
OR DISCLOSURE
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)
Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms
Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed
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PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO
MULTIPLE TRAUMAS
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation
“Gaslighting” by sex addict“Treatment-induced” trauma
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EFFECTIVE TREATMENT
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Dual Track:
Addressing betrayal
Addressing core issues
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EFFECTIVE TREATMENT
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Dual Track:
Addressing betrayal
Addressing core issues
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DISCLOSURE
• Disclosing Secrets
• Surviving Disclosure
by Deborah Corley & Jennifer
Schneider
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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PARTNER’S SYSTEM
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
Belief System
ImpairedThinking
Unmanageability
Distraction Strategies
Crisis
Despair
Partner’sCycle
PreoccupationFantasy
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HEALING
• Boundaries
• Unique Issues/Challenges
Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances
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Making AdvancesA Comprehensive Guide for
TreatingFemale Sex and Love Addicts
All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health www.sash.net/makingadvances
Edited by Marnie C. Ferree
Writers:Susan J. CamplingRobin CatoM. Deborah CorleyMarnie C. FerreeLinda HudsonAlexandra KatehakisKelly McDanielAnna Valenti-AndersonJill VermeireSonnee Weedn