Make-Up Smeared Eyes

8/6/2019 Make-Up Smeared Eyes

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Disclaimer: NARUTO 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc. | Fractured Tales Project 2010 | 294

***

The next day, Sakura takes Sasukes letters out of the box she has been keeping

them in and burns all of them, save his last one.

She smiles bitterly as she rereads it for the hundredth time. Widowed before

my wedding day, she murmurs, laughing at the irony of it all.

Sakura looks at the tin, where the letters burn, watching as the flames die down,

his words turning into ash. She leans in to get a closer look at the faintly glowing embers.

It smells oddly like freedom.

M ake-up Smeared Eyes

Sakura.

She didnt like the sound of his voiceshe stopped liking it a while agobut

the way her name came out of his mouth sounded like he needed her. She knew she

wasnt a necessity, though; she was more of an accessory, a pretty ornament that was put

on display.

She knew the routine, and she prayed that somebody would save her from it,because she didnt like the feeling of her bare back against her cold wooden door. She

didnt like having bruised lips in the morning. She didnt like to be called a whore. She

didnt like the feeling of not being able to walk with her head held high anymore.

(Because, truthfully, the sight of her feet on the ground just reminded her that

she couldnt even look at anyone in the eye anymore.)

Sakura kept her emotions locked in her heart and she made sure to throw out the

key, made sure she could never find it again, for fear that her feelings would interfere

with her relationshipsthis one in particular. She couldnt let her thoughts, wants, or

opinions get involved in this; because once they did, her whole life would change

drastically. She didnt really know how it would affect her, but her past experiences had

taught her to fear risks.

She felt her whole body go numb at the touch of his cold fingertips, as she tried

her hardest not to stiffen suddenly. Her hands felt nothing unfamiliar as they tangled

with threads of slippery black. She felt her nails scratch against his scalp, as he pressed

his lips against hers harder.

Sometimes, she wondered why she had ever wanted this. It was her dream, but

why was it so painful?

***


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Dear, hows everything going? We miss you a lot! We cant even remember

to lock the door without you reminding us. Call us when you have time. We know youre

really busy, but even just a quick hello will be nice. Love you, take care.

Sakura sat up as she listened to her mothers cheery tone on her voicemail,

envying how easy it was for her to deal with everything. The sheets were tangled around

her legs and Sasukes body, and she knew he was awake when she felt his arms wrap

around her waist and pulled her down again.

Who was that? he asked, his thin lips curving downwards as the beginning of

a scowl.

She shot him a venomous look, her green eyes flickering slightly from the

reflection of the small rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds. He watched her eyes

suddenly became dull after she blinked, as if something came and washed them clean of

emotion. She became like a mirror of himher face just as impassive as his while she

ran her pale fingers through her hair to get out the troublesome knots.


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My mother. I hope youre satisfied with that answer, she replied, her voice

strong but soft at the same time. He loosened his grip on her as she threw off the sheets

and swung her legs off the side of the bed, rummaging through her closet for a clean

uniform. She flung the white button up shirt, viridian tie, and green skirt onto the

carpeted floor, curling her toes when she heard the springs of the bed creek as Sasuke

shifted on the bed.

Im going to shower, she said, nearly spat, only holding back because he

would surely slap her for being too rude. She reached down right next to her dresser andpicked up her lime green shower basket, placing it below her elbow like a purse. Sakura

grabbed her champagne colored towel and slung it on her shoulder, stretching a little

farther away to grab her clothes. She picked a ball of socks and her previously discarded

undergarments up from the floor and slipped on some flip-flops, flats dangling from the

fingers of her left hand.

Sasuke only grunted in reply, and she somehow hated his lack of response. It

ticked her off slightly, but she was used to it already. She cared too much for him,

thought too much about himshe needed to get him out of her head, out of her life. She

still closed the door slowly and softly so he wouldnt wake up, still shared an umbrella

with him when it rained on their way back from classbut nothing felt real. It was like

an act the two put up so other people would be happy, so her friends could go, Sakura,

youre so lucky that Sasukes your boyfriend. Hes so dreamy!

The two had less of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, or at least Sakura

believed so. It seemed like a friends-with-benefits kind of thing, and she didnt really

know how much longer she could take it. It didnt even seem like they were friends

they only took one class together, and they barely even talked to each other.

Sakura ran her hands through her hair and shampooed, noticing that a bit of her

pink hair-dye was wearing off at the roots of her hair. Once she could sneak off campus

again, she needed to go get some moreshe was getting a lot of compliments from

everyone on the outrageous color. Not a single word from Sasuke, though.

While wrapping the towel around her body, she snapped her shoes against the

tiled floor towards the mirror and the sink, beginning to brush her teeth. Sakura stared

into the mirror, her neatly plucked eyebrows slightly lifted and jade eyes widened

slightly. Looking at her face and comparing it to other girls faces, she thought she was

bland, boring. She wished she could be plainer, simpler, uglieranything that wouldmake that Uchiha stop thinking she was interesting. He obviously didnt pick girls by

their personality, since he barely even talked to her now.

There was nothing nice about her, nothing special. All her appealing or

surprising assets were basically fakewhen she was a freshman, she wore a B cup bra

when she was actually an AA, her hair was dyed bubblegum pink and her roots were dark

brown, she was below average in height and had to wear five-inch heels just to appear

average, and she never smiled charmingly like people said she did. Her personality

wasnt great, eithershe was overly violent, and beat people up if they got on her nerves,


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and she refused to allow anyone know what she feels. In Sakura's opinion, she was

probably the least desirable kind of girl out there. So what did Sasuke see in her?

Perhaps she was over-thinking thismaybe Sasuke didn't see anything. Maybe

that's what he likedor preferred, if he didnt have any kind of emotional attachment to

her. Perhaps, she was so unlikeable that Sasuke knew he would fail to form any kind of

bond with her.

Yes, that had to be it. It was definitely it. Because boyfriends that loved you

wouldnt just leave your room without saying goodbye.

***

They took economics class together. That was when they actually metthe first

time was through some friends at a party. They werent seated next to each other before

that, ever. Sakura knew who he was, because she remembered all the times Ino gushed

about how handsome and intelligent he was. She didnt really think Sasuke was all that,

reallyjust a boy with a pretty face and almost no personality. But she had to admit that

he was mysterious, and she loved the thrill of mystery. At that point, she had a kind of

affection and admiration for himhe kept to himself, mostly, and she couldnt deny that

he was good-looking and smart. Ino was right, but for whatever reason, she knew she

had to get away from him.

Sakura didnt know what was going to happen, but she knew she had to getaway. It felt like he was going to eat her, or he was going to destroy all the pieces she

used to build her life. He was going to bring change, and Sakura despised changeshe

feared it, almost like how a three-year-old was afraid of the dark or the monsters lurking

in the closet. Sasuke, in some ways, was the devil disguised as an aesthetically pleasing

human being.

She carefully picked out her seat, one thats far, far away from him, so shed

never have to ever talk to him or look at him because she knew shed find herself falling

in love. The teacher usually paired people up by their seating arrangementher partner

was usually the extremely shy girl, Hinata. It was perfecthed never have to even

glance at her, for there were no windows or bulletin boards nearby, and he would never

have to walk past her when class was over. He wouldnt have to contact her or touch her,

and there was no chance of Sakura ever bumping into him. All his other classes were

different, and he lived in the other side of campus.But slowly, his mysterious charm started to lure her in, and soon enough, she

was probably obsessing over him as much as his fan club was, except that it was all in her

mind. She couldnt risk being exposed as a Sasuke-kun fan girl. It would be a terrible

name, and rumors would probably spread about how she screwed every guy to get him

jealous. After all, she had heard those things about Ino before.

Sakura was clean the entire freshman year. No sort of contact with Uchiha

Sasukenot even a glance. She was relieved, but she couldnt deny she that it had hurt.

It hurt her to know that she couldnt sneak a peek at him without feeling extremely


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guilty. It was painful to have to build her wall all over againshe didn't know how she

could have let it fall after all the effort she had done for four years, but her barrier was

gone. It was broken; and each time Sakura tried to pick up a piece, it would turn out that

the pieces were glass where she could see the tears in her eyes. During those days, she

figured it would be easier to just give up and let herself break.

He talked to her a week after she had learned to suppress her internal pain, only

a little into sophomore year. The teacher was extremely fed up with Naruto, the boy who

sat to her right. The blond was always attempting to charm Sakura and Hinata into beinghis girlfriend, but he never was able to succeed with Sakura. Hinata was falling head

over heels in love with him even with such a reserved, shy disposition. It was obvious the

girl was always giggling every time Naruto would speak. However, she never exploded

with joyshe always resisted the urge, for she was never that expressive in the first

place.

As Naruto began to list cheesy pick-up lines that amused Hinata, Sakura was

busy fixing pencils in her hair buns. The teacher droned on and on, but suddenly the

blue-eyed boy laughed heartily.

He was ordered to switch seats with Uchiha Sasuke, and Sakura was both

thrilled and agitated. She could not decide which emotion she felt stronger, she only

recalled living in the moment as he sat down next to her and sighedout of happiness,

relief, or displeasure, Sakura did not know. Being next to him already made her giddy, so

she buried her face in her books and had her hair in her face the entire class.

She was proud when she didnt even spare him a glance on her way out of the

room.

***

Be my girlfriend.

It was not a question, only a command, and Sakura was completely unprepared

for the question, dropping her notebook into her tote bag in the process. Her green eyes

widened, but she was almost sure they were shining brighter that day. It was any girls

dream come true, and for a moment she felt like she was floating.

Why? she blurted, without thinking, because her mental defenses were down

the drain. She must not get close to this boy. Hadnt she engraved this in her own mind?Hadnt she strategically picked her seat so that shed never see this boy? Hadnt she

congratulated herself every time she ignored him? Get away. She was getting ready to

leave, and she thanked her feet for moving. All she wanted to do was run, run like her

mind was telling her.

Then, he pulled her to him and kissed her. It wasnt a soft, fairytale kiss. It

wasnt passionate or loving, it wasnt emotional and heartfelt. It was a harsh, raw,

hungry, cold kiss that Sakura never expected. It wasnt even a kiss, just his lips grinding

against hers. She hated her body for going along with ither barriers were again

shattering into pieces. She had spent the past half-year or so preparing herself just to


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have it all go to waste. Her eyes drifted shut, and she could feel herself float into a

dream-like state. It was the moment when she despised herself more than she ever had

before, yet she couldnt stop.

She shouldve known that the moment didnt really mean anything to himhe

never even held her hand or bothered to embrace her, only pushed against her lips and

waited for her to do her job.

***

You have to leave him, Sakura, Ino pleaded, long fingernails digging into

Sakuras arm when she grabbed her. All Ino could see was the agony in Sakuras eyes

it was painful to see Sakura transforming into a nearly suicidal girl. No, there werent

scars on her wrists, but her clothes were stained with alcohol and her skirts constantly

smelled like marijuana.

Hes your dream guy, Sakura replied simply, not even attempting to

elaborate. She knew Sasuke didnt love herhe didnt even like herbut he wanted her

more than he wanted anybody else. For now, that was enough. It wasnt about the future

anymore. It was about the present, what people lived for now, not what was going to

happen ten years later. He taught her that.

Ugh, Im not going to date him.

Back off.

Stop being so defensive.

Sakura freed herself from Inos grasp and didnt bother to look back as she

began to run. It had been two weeks after he left her while she was showering, and he

didnt even look at her in class that day. Sakura finally reached the edge of the campus,

and she felt everything build up in her throat. The liquid dripped out of her mouth onto

the black gravel, flowing downhill into a drain. Sakura wiped her mouth with the back of

her hand and popped a mint.

She shuddered for a moment, and it wasnt from the cold. Shed been having

massive headaches recently, causing her to sleep at random times, and she needed at least

six cups of coffee to function properly in a day now. Yet she was still exhausted.

She grabbed her hair and weaved it through her fingers when she hurled again.Her unoccupied hand flew to her stomach and rubbed it, dreading what this could mean.

She covered her head with her hood and followed the black road with yellow

lines towards town, letting the black of her mascara trickle down her cheeks and sink into

her skin.

***

She was beginning to get used to the darkness of the room and the humidity that

floated in through the open window. Her clothes stuck to her skin uncomfortably. The

only thing that could comfort Sakura was the fresh smell of rain. It made her feel clean.


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There was a faint knocking on the doorfor a moment Sakura didnt know if it

was just her imagination or reality. However, it became louder.

Sakura, please open the door. We all know you need to be less of a drama

queen.

Only Ino would say that, Sakura was sure of it. Pushing the covers away, she

shuffled past the clothes that were discarded all over the floor, kicking a button-down

shirt out of the way.

All Ino could see when she opened the door were Sakuras brilliant green eyes.

So green, green like grass. But they were red and watery, too. She had lipstick smeared

on her cheeks and black running down from the corners of her eyes to her pointed chin.

Her hair was flat and was starting to get darker. Some damp strands stuck to her

forehead, the one Ino used to make fun of all the time.

Sakura looked like a disaster.

Isorry. Are you...okay? She realized what a stupid question it was

Sakura was in pain, in so much pain. She only tried to put on a mask of serenity, even

when her heart was falling apart and she felt more lost than she ever had in her life.

The broken girl collapsed when Ino embraced her. The blonde was more caring

than anybody had been to Sakura in months.

Its him, isnt it? Ino whispered, unbearably pained to watch Sakura crumble

like this. Her dry, cracked lips didnt move one bit.

Please, please, please. Say something. Let me know that youre there. What

can I do? How can I help? Tell me youre okay.

There was a tense silence when Ino closed her eyes, waiting patiently for a

response. All she heard was shallow breathing. Then, a deep breath.

...Im okay.

Both of them knew she wasnt.

***

God didnt care much for her despair. He didnt even try to lend her a helping

hand when she stood in front of his door, Sasukes door, which was painted a plain off-

white with a golden knob; its as flawless in appearance as he was. That door, his entire

room, was good enough for a prince, she was sure.

The fluorescent light of the hallway flickered rapidly, almost as quickly as

Sakura blinked to hold back her tears. She bit her lip and wiped away her tears. Ino was

waiting for her; she was there for her.

No matter what you do Ill be here. Thats what Ino told her when Sakura had

no more secrets to spill. It seemed like the blue-eyed girl was the only one in the world

that could save her from being too lonely.


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She raised her trembling hand and pulled up her turtleneck to cover her mouth.

She wanted to hide and disappear at the moment. Her finger moved to touch a flake of

gray paint on the wall. She started tapping against the wall, reminding her of the

frustrating noise she used to make when she played piano, when her long nails would

clack against the ivory keys until they broke.

Abruptly, she stopped. Get this over with. When she was poised to knock, he

opened the door.

What? he hissed, eyes frighteningly cold. Stop making that noise.

I already stopped. She was already tearing, the salty liquid nearly falling out

of her eyes. She blinked several times more, until her lashes had droplets of water on

them. Her nails dug into the palms of her hands. Sakura directed her eyes towards the

floor, unsure of what to say next. She examined the mud that sank into her white laces

earlier.

He sighed, loudly, and she could imagine him running his hand through his

hair. He always did that. Just say whatever you need to say, he finally said, breaking

the minutes of silence. He was becoming impatient. He hated it when people wasted his

time.

She paused and licked her lips. She looked up, but was terrified to meet his

eyes. She pretended to be fascinated at the flake of gray paint and how the light fell on itever so often.

Im pregnant. She exhaled shakily, pulling her hands into her sleeves and

hunching her shoulders over. She said it, and it just made her want to hide more.

Dont give me that crap. Sasuke reacted immediately, his obsidian eyes fixed

on her small figure, glaring. This wont make me care.

What should I do? she whispered, the words slipping out of her mouth

unintentionally. I...I dont know what to do.

I dont care, he answered, ready to close the door on her.

But I love you, Sakura cried. It sounded like such a stupid confession. Her

voice was hoarse from screaming into pillows, her tone was pathetically desperate. She

wasnt even sure if she loved him. How could she?

He shifted his weight to his left foot. The flickering light illuminated the right

side of his face, but she couldnt read his expression. He was always like that,

mysterious. He didnt say a thing, only kept an unreadable expression on his face.

Sorrynever mind. I dont know what Im saying, she decided to say, hoping

that she could take back her words. I dont need your help.

Just leave, he commanded, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows in

frustration. His hand moved to the door, ready to close it. I dont care about that thing.

Keep it or kill it, it doesnt matter.


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I dont need you.

When Sakura heard the slamming of the door, she realized that was the biggest

lie she had ever told.

M auer

1987

For the first time in the long months of continuous interrogation, he feels the

sunlight.

The gentle rayprobably eight in the morning, he guesses from the mild heat

brushes across his pale brow. He refuses to blink from the sudden brightness and stares

unflinchingly at the smiling, bespectacled man in front of him.

Hohenschoenhausen, they aptly call this place. He remembers from the hushed

whispers that ghost every part of Leipzig, the house of horrors. But there is nothing

horrifying in this quaint little picture: cream-yellow plush carpets, a mahogany coffee

table in the center, the dainty chairs and chintz-covers. In fact, the only thing that standsout is his steel stool and the cuffs behind his back.

It seems surreal that such a room exists in this bleak, hellish dungeon.

(and yes, dungeon. that assessment is not far from the truth.)

The weather is quite wonderful outside.

He knows that those congenial tones and that considerate drawing of the

chartreuse tapestry are being used against him, a weapon to break down his mind.

How long have you beenah, down there? The smile on his captors face is

accommodating, but it is far from pleasant.

Ten months.

This officer, they know him as the one with that astonishing silver hair, the one

who enjoys a cup of tea while watching men being prodded with electrodes and drowned

in water, is now grinning.

Impressive.

But they know that since there are prying eyes from the other side, the

supposed-to-be righteous humane world, they have to keep the injuries at a minimum.

(less physical scars, less irrevocable evidence.)

Make-Up Smeared Eyes

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