Love at First Email
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Transcript of Love at First Email
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7/31/2019 Love at First Email
1/21
LOVE AT FIRST EMAIL
by
Sean &
Evy &
Isaac &
Rachael &
Sara
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7/31/2019 Love at First Email
2/21
2
Characters
Catie Crawford Rachel
Dwayne Crawford Isaac
Susan Sara
Jerry Sean
Alice Evy
Setting:
Crawford Candy Co.
Potential Props:
1.2 Desks2.2 Keyboards3.Blueprints4.Water Cups5.Napkin6.Pen and paper
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PART 1
Fade In:
SUSAN AT HER DESK
Susan is sitting at her computer. She is on the phone
talking to a potential client.
SUSAN
Crawford Candy Co. No, we do not sell
candy . . . what d you mean what do we
do? We sell the parts that are used to
make candy for Canadian candy factories
like you(mocking) So, are you aboot
to booy some parts or what . *sigh*
ALICE
Oh Susan, not again. Dont worry
yourself over these people. They act
like they are better than us. In most
ways they are but, you have to remember
Crawford Candys Can Do attitude.
SUSAN
I guess. I just dont understand why
its so difficult to be polite, I meanthey are Canadian.
ALICE
Well itd be difficult to say that
theres any Canadian in em.
*Both Laugh*
SUSAN
So did you need something? Or.
Alice
Oh. Well I was just wondering if
Engineering sent you the blueprints to
the new Candy Crafter X-290.
SUSAN
Yes, didnt you get it? Oh, wait.
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Youre new, thats right. Gotta love
those days when everyone makes you feel
like you cant keep a secret.
Alice
But I can keep a secret.
SUSAN
I know that, but rules are rules Alice
and I wouldnt be Senior Sales Rep. if
I didnt play by the rules.
Alice
I know. I know. Want to hit up the
water cooler. Tom usually takes his
break right around this time anyway.
But I think Ill leave you to it.
SUSANYes, Ive been meaning to talk to him
about my favorite subject.
Alice
Whats That?
SUSAN
Him.
*BOTH LAUGH*
*Susan walks away from her desk leaving the blueprints out,
as Alice goes to grab them, Susan returns and locks them upSaying silly me*
SUSAN NOW AT THE WATER COOLER
*Susan stands there in rather awkward silence as she
politely nods her head at Dwayne who returns with a nod*
SUSAN
(Aside)Whos this kid? I dont feel
like Ive seen him here before. He must
be new. But that face, he looks so
familiar. Oh no, Stop talking to
yourself hes looking this way, dont
look like an idiot.
Dwayne
*soundless chuckle*
SUSAN
(aside)Oh no. do you think he saw me.
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What do I do. What do I do. Just
remember to breathe *breathes really
heavily*. Not like that you idiot, hes
going to think youre weird.
Dwayne
*gets out a pen and paper out of hispocket and scribbles Hello there ;)*
*Dwayne walks past Susans side of the water cooler and
places the paper upon the table she is leaning on, throws
his napkin away and goes back to takes more water then
leans against the wall, one foot up*
SUSAN
*Picks Up the Paper and Reads to
herself* Hello There... winky face?
WINKY FACE? This is a sign Susan, your
mother was wrong about you. No more
cats and single bedroom apartments for
you. Time to make your move, before he
leaves. Oh no. Hes coming back, what
do I do. *Walks towards him and says
so hows your day?*
Dwayne
*continues walking past her acting as
if he heard nothing*
SUSAN
(Aside)What was that (not aside) Hey
buddy. YOOHOO. *Begins to walk after
him*
*Dwayne continues acting like he is ignoring her. On her way
over she trips and begins to fall, and Dwayne turns around at the
last moment to catch her as she falls and they exchange a very
intense moment*
SUSAN
Thank You. That could have been bad.
Dwayne*winks and walks away*
SUSAN
(Aside) Again with the winking. What
does that even mean
Alice
Talking to yourself again Susan. You
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know we talked about this.
SUSAN
I know.
Alice
So whens your date with Tom.
SUSAN
I dont have one. Tom didnt show up
today.
Alice
So you stood here by yourself. That is
not going to help your image. Oh boy,
did you learn nothing from me.
SUSANI wasnt here alone I was talking to
him. *points*
Alice
No you werent.
SUSAN
Yes, I was.
Alice
That guy *Points*
SUSANYes, Him.
Alice
Dwayne?
SUSAN
Is that his name, it doesnt suit him
very well.
Alice
That doesnt seem right. Did he have
much to say?
SUSAN
Yeah he said Hello There. *blissful
sigh*
Alice
He did, did he.
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SUSAN
Yes he did.
Alice
I dont think so. Susan, he doesnt
talk, hes deaf.
SUSAN
No. I dont think so.
Alice
Are you sure he said those exact words
to you?
SUSAN
Well he handed me a note.
Alice
Exactly.
SUSAN
Well that explains why he ignored me.
But do you think I should
Jerry
Hey Alice, Come here for a second.
Alice
Coming Jerry. Sorry Susan Ive got to
go.
*Alice Leaves off-stage and Catie Crawford walks in andSusan accidently walks backwards right into her*
SUSAN
Oh, Im sorry Mrs. Crawford. My
apologies.
Catie
Youre sorry? Well sorry isnt going to
pay your salary, now is it? And its Ms.
Crawford to you.
SUSANYes, Miss Crawford.
Catie
Ms. Crawford, whats your name?
SUSAN
Susan.
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Catie
No its not.
SUSAN
But my name is Susan.
CatieNot any more Betty.
SUSAN
Yes Miss Ms. Crawford
Alice
Right Betty, back to work.
*Both leave off-stage and Jerry and Alice come in until
they are right behind Dwaynes Desk and they begin to
hunch their posture and change their accents*
ALICE
Oh My God this American accent is
rubbish.
Jerry
I dont quite care for their clothing.
But I do like their Doughnuts,
especially the one with sprinkles.
ALICE
*places cigarette in Jerrys hair*
JerryNow whyd you go and do that for, my
hair is going to catch a flame. Oh NO
ALICE, HELP ME.
ALICE
Oh Dont Worry Ive got it *smacks him
repeatedly over the head*
*Dwayne begins to notice the ruckus*
Jerry
Well thank you Alice, I thought I woulddied, I did.
ALICE
You Stoopid Idiot.
Jerry
Ouch. What was that for.
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*Dwayne begins to turn around. Jerry and Alice return
posture to American and walk up to Dwayne on either side*
ALICE
Good Day Dwayne.
JerryDo you want to hear our plans again.
*Dwayne Nods*
ALICE
Do you want to tell him this time?
Jerry
I Thought it was your turn Alice?
ALICE
No it was my turn last time. You do it.
Jerry
I dont want to do it.
ALICE
Do it.
Jerry
I shant.
ALICE
Juss Do it.
Jerry
You Do it.
*Dwayne looks confused at their talking*
ALICE
Come on. Hes Deaf. He wont hear a
thing.
Jerry
*Covers his mouth* But I thought that
they can read lips.
ALICE
Not this one. Dwayne is the Dumbest
Deaf I know. Arent you Dwayne.
*Dwayne Smiles and Nods*
Jerry
Fine alright then Ill do it. But dont
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you dare stop me if I mess up again.
ALICE
Fine. I wont I promise.
Jerry
Well Dwayne, Alice and I are notAmerican in the slightest. We have
traveled all the way from England
because we are this companies biggest
competitor. It may not be a big market
ALICE
It is a big market Jerry.
Jerry
What did I say to do Alice. I said that
you are not allowed to stop me.
ALICE
No you said not to stop you if you
messed up. I stopped you because you
were wrong.
Jerry
Oh alright then. Then would you like to
tell it.
ALICE
No I like the way youre telling it.
Jerry
Alright then. As I was saying, We are
your competitors, but we dont have the
same technology as this company and
that is why we are here to steal their
redprints.
ALICE
You mean blueprints Jerry.
Jerry
Thank you Alice. Yes, Blueprints to the
new Candy Crapper X-290.
ALICE
Crafter, Jerry. its crafter.
Jerry
Right again Alice.
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ALICE
I hope one day you can understand that
we had no other choice Dwayne.
Jerry
And that one day you may forgive us for
ruining the company and all of your
jobs. This is only the beginning
Dwayne. Once we steal the blueprints,
was it?
ALICE
Mhm.
Jerry
Yes, after we take them we will then
take over all of the CANDY IN CANADA
ALICEIts Cana-DUH Jerry.
Jerry
Are you sure Alice.
ALICE
Yes.
Jerry
Well then we will take over all of the
CANDY IN CANA-DUH.
ALICE
*Laughs Maniacally*
Jerry
*Laughs after she does with a comedic
laugh*
ALICE
Jerry, this was my time for laughing.
You lost your privileges, dont you
remember last time.
JerryYou know I didnt intend to laugh so
hard that I vomited on your shoes.
ALICE
But you did. And what did you learn
from that?
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Jerry
That I shouldnt Laugh during Laugh
Time, thats right.
ALICE
Wait, Whats this
Jerry
Well it says its an e-mail from Susan.
ALICE
You thinking what Im thinking.
Jerry
That maybe shes responded to my e-
mail?
ALICE
No you Nit-Wit. That Dwayne is our wayin.
Jerry
Way into the computer. I dont think
wed both fit in there.
ALICE
No. *Facepalm* Our way into the
blueprints.
Jerry
Oh, I understand now No I dont.
ALICE
We can use love in our favor.
Jerry
Its alright Alice I dont need your
love, Ive got my Muriel back in
England you know.
ALICE
No, not us. Them.
JerryOh.
ALICE
Just stay here and when Dwayne leaves,
use his email to get the blueprints
from Susan.
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Jerry
Alright Alice. But what will you do.
ALICE
Ill be over with Susan making sure the
plan works.
Jerry
What plan Alice.
ALICE
Nevermind.
*Jerry Hides underneath Dwaynes Desk while Dwayne is
Sitting in it. Alice rolls her eyes and walks over to hover
over Susan*
SUSAN AND DWAYNE ARE TYPING E-MAILS TO EACHOTHER.
Susan Reads what she types as she types
it. Dwaynes E-mails will be recorded
to create illusion of what he is
thinking in his mind.(Set to Song)
SUSAN
Oh, How I wish that you could hear
Dwayne
Oh, How I want you in my mind
SUSANMaybe one day. You will hear me
Dwayne
Maybe one day I will talk
SUSAN
Tomorrow?
Dwayne
Maybe Someday
SUSAN & DWAYNE
But not today
SUSAN
That one day we will grow old
Dwayne
That one day may come soon
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SUSAN
Oh, How I wish
Dwayne
Oh, How I wish
SUSAN & DWAYNEThat it would be today
SUSAN
Oh, How I wish
Dwayne
Oh, How I wish
SUSAN & DWAYNE
That it would be today
INTERMISSION: SHORT BREAK
Part 2
*Jerry is at Dwaynes Computer and Susan is e-mailing
back. E-mails are read aloud.*
SUSAN
Im sorry that it took so long for me
to respond
JerryOh, It is quite alright. No bother
atall.
SUSAN
Ive been so caught up in things I
never asked you what you do here.
Jerry
Oh I Uh. *looks at a cardboard box
near his desk*Well. Im in Shipping
and Distribution.
SUSAN
Well doesnt that sound glamorous
Jerry
Well the boxes do get a little boxy I
guess.
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SUSAN
I can imagine.
Jerry
Say, Susan, may I ask you for a favor?
SUSANYes Dwayne.
Jerry
Is there anyway I can have those
blueprints for the Candy Crafter X-290
so that I can Uh Ship it to Cana-
DUH.
SUSAN
Well its over here, why dont you come
get it.
Jerry
Oh Duty calls. Toodle-loo
*Jerry types the last e-mail and calls for Alice. Alice
comes running to Dwaynes desk*
ALICE
What is it now Jerry? Did another
spider crawl next to your foot?
Jerry
It did? Where did it go? Alice kill it.
KILL IT.
*Catie Crawford walks in and looks at Jerry and Alice
Stomping around*
CATIE
What is going on over here? Where is
Dwayne.
Jerry
Hes just gone to make a call you just
missed him.
*Catie looks confused. Alice hits Jerry.*
JERRY
Did I say call I meant To do his duty.
ALICE
Yes to do his duty.
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Jerry
Yes, his duty in the duty room.
CATIE
Well dont stand there like a couple of
stupid Englishmen, get to work.
*Catie walks off again leaving Jerry and Alice to talk*
Jerry
What did she call me?
ALICE
Well she called you stoopid.
Jerry
Bloody
*Alice covers his mouth*
ALICE
Nuh-uh-uh Jerry, dont play into their
stereotypes. So did you get the
blueprints yet.
Jerry
I was asking Susan for the blueprints
and she said that they are at her desk
and all I have to do is go get them. So
I will be right back with the
blueprints.
ALICE
Wait a minute. You have to go fetch
them or Dwayne does?
Jerry
Well she said that I was supposed to
go.
ALICE
She meant for Dwayne to.
JerryI do see how she could have gotten us
mixed up, I was using his e-mail.
ALICE
Well, what do we do now?
Jerry
I dont know. But I could go for a
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doughnut. Have you seen any around
here, Ive been dying to have one.
ALICE
Not right now, we need to go to plan B.
JerryAnd whats that Alice? Oh Alice look I
think I found a sprinkle.
ALICE
*Hits Jerry over the head with the
keyboard and reverting to her American
accent and posture* HELP! SOMEBODY
HELP! Jerrys fallen.
Jerry
They said there would be stars here,
but I didnt think they had meant thesekind of stars.
ALICE
*Hits Jerry again* SHHHHH!
Catie
What the Hell Happened?
ALICE
Well, Jerry was trying to pick up this
sprinkle off the floor and he fell and
hit his face on this keyboard.
Susan
What happened?
CATIE
Dumb Dumb. Went Bye. Bye.
Jerry
*Begins to regain consciousness*
ASDFJAWKJ(absolute Gibberish).
ALICE
Im going to go get help.
Susan
Hurry, use my phone. Its in my desk,
heres the key.
ALICE
Be right back.
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*Alice runs over to Susans Desk and she is opening the
desk and she takes the blueprints and when she turns around
she finds Dwayne standing behind her looking confused*
ALICE
Hello Dwayne.
*Dwayne sees the blueprints in Alices hands and
understands that something is not right*
ALICE
Oh these. They are the Blueprints Ive
been looking for.
*Dwayne takes the blueprints and proceeds to run back to
his desk where is startled to find everyone hovering over
the slightly conscious Jerry*
CATIEDwayne?
Susan
Dwayne, what are those, are those the
blueprints from my desk. What have you
done with Alice?
CATIE
What do you mean what has he done with
little miss snot nose shes right
there. *points*
*Alice takes the pointing as her accusation and she tries
to turn around and run for it but Dwayne grabs the back of
what she is wearing and she cant run out of his grab*
Susan
No dont her her you monster.
ALICE
No, Dont hurt me. *Scream*
Catie
Oh Hush, Im sure there is a logical
explanation for this. *Catie motionsfor Dwayne to type it on the computer*
*He begins to type and Alice hides to the side but Jerry is
still unconscious on the floor*
CATIE
*Reads aloud* Well I read my last e-
mail to go meet Susan at her desk to go
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get something, but she wasnt there
when I got there. Alice was there and
she was taking the blueprints out of
Susans desk.
SUSAN
She has been asking about the
blueprints a lot recently but I cant
imagine what for.
Jerry
*Cockney Accent* Well I can.
*Gasps at Jerrys accent. Jerrybegins to get up as
everyone is next to the desk*
CATIE
No, you cant be.
Jerry
But, we can. We are British spies far
away from home here to infiltrate our
rival company Crawford Candy.
CATIE
We?
Jerry
Well Alice and me?
ALICE
Alice and I, Jerry.
Jerry
Right Alice. But we feel that we have
stayed far too many fortnights, havent
we Alice.
ALICE
Very much indeed.
Jerry
And that is why we feel it might betime to say our goodbyes. Toodle-loo
*Catie follows both of them and grabs them by the ear and
pulls them to the ground center stage*
CATIE
(Mocking accents) Well good day again.
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ALICE
Gawd. Is that what we sound like to
them.
Jerry
I do believe so Alice. I think we have
found ourselves in a bit of a pickle.
SUSAN
Yes, you have, but thats your own
fault.
ALICE
Twas not my fault. Twere his.
Jerry
Oh Really, dont you sound rather posh.
But I wasnt I the one that took the
redprints while someone was watching.
ALICE
Blueprints Jerry.
Jerry
Redprints, Blueprints. Stop your cries
you harpy.
CATIE
Oh shut up you two
Jerry
Yes Maam.
CATIE
Thats better.
*Susan goes up to Dwayne and holds his hand*
I see you have already met my son.
SUSAN
Your son. I had no Idea
Catie
Yes, Dwayne Crawford Jr.
SUSAN
Well, thats why he kind of looks like
a woman. It all makes sense now.
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CATIE
Well he does take after his father.
SUSAN
Because hes deaf.
CatieNo, because hes stupid.
SUSAN
I dont mind. I think hes wonderful.
Catie
Well I think he would rather you be the
silent one, but beggars cant be
choosers.
SUSAN
Uh-huh whatever you say.
Alice
Ugh, young love. I find it revolting
JERRY
Oh look another sprinkle.
The End