Living Well 2.2012

LIV

ING

WELL

Stop the SquabblingHow to deal with sibling rivalry

Cut Out the CompetitionWhy comparing yourself to others diminishes personal happiness

Weighty IssueDo Black celebs promoting weight loss encourage us?

Staying Kinected

� LivingWELL • August �0112 LivingWELL • February 2012


By Nick Chiles

I thought Valentine’s Day was supposed to be the holiday for love. Grown-up love. So when did Valentine’s Day become an excuse for every little kid in elementary school to come home lugging a bag full of candy and a whole bunch of fairly meaningless, generic cards?If you’re the parent of elementary school kids (and some middle and high

schoolers, too) you know exactly what I’m talking about. We turned our head for a minute and some clever marketer slipped in there and turned the day into a BIG event in American schools. You thought it was stressful for the husbands of the world? Ha, our plight pales in comparison to the parent who discovers, the night before Valentine’s Day, that she has failed to equip her child with a big box of Valentine’s treats for the entire class. Her child will then experience an entire humiliating day of one-way gifting: receiving cards and candy with nothing to give in return. Oh, the years of therapy the kid will require as a result.

Valentine’s Day is one of those kiddy holidays that requires considerable pre-planning: you have to make a trip to the store several days before the holiday so that you have your pick of the premium candy/card combina-tions. Frustratingly, many of the combination boxes come in units of 24 or 26—just a bit short of the average American classroom these days, which typically number closer to 30 little ones. So that means you might have to buy two of the boxes (which usually go about $4 each) to cover every kid in the class. Even the kids that your child doesn’t like. Even the little knuckleheads who regularly disrupt the class with their shenanigans; even the annoying ones who sit near your daughter and prove to be a daily source of distraction for her. You gotta get a card for everybody.

And as for the messages on the cards? I’m not a big fan. My daughter snagged a Lifesavers Gummies collection at Target with cards that had the following four messages:

You Make Me SmileCool and Colorful. That’s You.Let’s Hang Out.I Got My Eye on You.Really, I could do without my fourth-grade

daughter telling some snot-nosed boy, “I Got My Eye On You.” But ever the clever one, my daugh-

ter turned that particular message around and said she was going to give it to all the bad-ass boys in the class who were always on the verge of causing trouble. EVERYBODY needs to keep their eyes on those boys.

Who Turned Valentine’s Day into an Elementary School Bonanza?

I understand that the nation’s retailers are constantly on the lookout for another holiday that they can turn into a merchandising machine, but we par-ents are the real victims here, not the kids. The kiddies get another excuse to accumulate large satchels of candy. But we’re the ones who wind up with the bill—from Target and the dentist.

Editor’s Note: Author Nick Chiles, a regular contributor to LivingWELL magazine, blogs on mybrownbaby.com. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and the author of seven books, including the New York Times bestselling tome The Blueprint: A Plan for Living Above Life’s Storms, co-written with gospel legend Kirk Franklin.

THE BLOG LOG

LivingWELL • August �011 �LivingWELL • February 2012 5

ByKelleeTerrell

Overtheholidayseasonand into the NewYear, it’s not abnor-mal to see commer-cials for weight loss

programs. Almost everyone I know(myself included) is trying to dropthosepeskyextrapounds.Butwhatdidstandout tomewashowmany

Blackcelebswereinthesecommercials.Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson, who has

been promoting Weight Watchers since lastspring,haslostawhopping80pounds.Hernewest

commercialhasheroldlargerselfsingingtohernewsmallerself.ButotherR&Bdivas,namelyMariahCarey

andJanetJackson,havejoinedintheweightlossgame,pro-motingJennyCraigandNutrisystem,respectively.

Ononehand this is agood thing.Not just for theirpockets,butfortheeverydayBlackwoman.

PerhapsBlackwomencan identifywith celebswho are not scary skinny and look more likethem,andwhocanthereforeencourageusloseweightjustlikethem.Whichissomethingwedesperatelyneedtodo.AccordingtotheU.S.OfficeofMinorityHealth,in2009Blackswere1.5timesmorelikelytobeoverweightorobesethanwhites.African-Americanwomenare60per-centmorelikelytobeobesethanWhitewomenandabout four out of five African-American femalesarenoweitheroverweightorobese.

But,ontheotherhand,Idohaveafewreservationsaboutwhethertheseadswillbethe catalyst for better health among blackwomen. First, with any celebrity, regard-less of race, boasting that thesemeal planshavehelpedthemloseweightalwaysgarnerssomewhatofaside-eyereaction.

Why?Mostofthecelebspokespeoplearenotofcolor,makingit

difficultformanyofustoseehowtheseprogramsrelatetous.Butperhapswomenwecanidentifywithwhoarenotscaryskinnycanencourageustodothesame,whichissomethingwedesperatelyneedtodo.AccordingtotheU.S.OfficeofMinorityHealth,in2009Blackswere1.5timesmorelikelyto be overweight or obese than whites. African-Americanwomenare60percentmorelikelytobeobesethanWhitewomenandaboutfouroutoffiveAfrican-Americanfemalesarenoweitheroverweightorobese.

Thisisaseriousproblem,andperhapsthesetypesofpro-gramswillfosterabetterunderstandingaboutwhatitmeans

Do Black Celebs Promoting Weight Loss Encourage Us?

JenniferHudson

toeathealthy,theimportanceofcountingcaloriesandcheckingfoodlabels.

But,ontheotherhand,Idohaveafewreservationsaboutwhethertheseadswillbethecatalystforbetterhealthamongblackwomen.First,withanycelebrity,regardlessofrace,boast-ingthatthesemealplanshavehelpedthemloseweightalwaysgarnerssomewhatofaside-eyereaction.Thesepeoplegetpaidfor their looks,canaffordprivatechefsandpersonal trainers,have timetoworkout2-4hoursperday,andhaveassistantsandlifecoachestomakesuretheyadheretotheirstrictdietsinordertoachievetheseamazingresults.SoifyouareexpectingtohaveJanet’ssix-packafter6monthsbyeatingprepackagedfood,youmightbesettingyourselfupforfailure.

Secondly,whileIunderstandthatthesecompaniesarestrict-lypromotingtheirfoodprograms,therealityisthatnoonecaneattheirwayoutofobesity.Inordertoloseweight,youhavetodocardioworkoutsandstrengthtrain.NomatterhowsvelteJennifer’swaistorhowtonedMariah’s thighs, thatcamewithexercise—something that theydon’t reallymention in theseads.Thisisashame,especiallygiventhatthewomentheseads

aregearedforexercisetheleast.And finally, past literature has suggested that

because of cultural issues, many Black womenembrace thickness anddon’t see it as a prob-lem,don’tacknowledgeorknowthat theyareoverweightandaremorecomfortablewiththeirsizethantheirwhitecounterparts.Nowgranted,thesefindingsaren’tanexactscience,needmore

supportingresearchandarewaymorecomplicatedthantheysound,butbecausetheseadsarefocusing

solelyonwhatlosingweightdoestosomeone’soutwardappearance, thesemessagesmight fallondeafearsforBlackwomen.

What would be helpful is if food programssuchastheonesintheseads(andcountlessex-erciseprograms)wouldpromotethatweightisn’tjustaboutwhatyoulooklike,butaboutoverallhealth.Beingabletofitintoskinnyjeansisgreat,butloweringyourbloodsugar,orbeingableto

takeone less pill for your cholesterol or not having asmanyblockages inyourarteries, isevenbetter.Andthismessageisgettinglostintherhetoricthatlosingweightisallabouttheaes-theticswhen,really,losingweightisaboutsavingourlivesandimprovingthequalityoflife.

Intheend,wedoneedinspirationtogetontherighttrack.Theseadsmightbeastart,buttheyarenottheend-all,be-all.

Editor’s Note:KelleeTerrellisaregularcontributortoblack-doctor.org, a leading source for culturally relevanthealthcareinformation.Blackdoctor.orgisaneditorialpartnerofLivingWELLMagazine.

THE BLOG LOG


How to deal with the sibling rivalry

Stop TheSquabblingBy Dr. Kim Logan- Nowlin & Arthur E. Nowlin, LMSW, CAACD

A story is told about two brothers who had a loving relationship. They shared a lot of time together, played sports

and enjoyed riding bikes with their friends. As they grew older, they started spending more time with their class-

mates and other friends instead of sharing time together.

Eventually the older brother began his career as a bank manager and the younger brother worked as a me-chanic and later started his own business. They did not see each other often because of their careers.

When their parents past away and left property to the boys, the older brother took control of the property and the younger broth- e r became angry. The brothers stopped speaking to each other and neither did

their children associate together. After a while the older brother became se-riously ill and decided to try and reconcile with his younger brother. The phone calls were not answered and the letters were not read.

After many attempts, nothing could encourage his brother to talk with him. One last request was made for the younger brother to reconcile. He pondered over the thought and he decided to go and see his brother. As he arrived at the home he noticed several cars parked in the drive way.

And upon his entry into the home he was informed that his brother had passed away earlier that day.

The younger brother was given a metal box with a key. As he opened the box he saw the deed to their family home with his name on it. He also noticed other papers that were stocks and investment totaling over five million dollars. The younger brother was speechless and all he wanted to do was tell his brother that he was sorry and ask for his forgive-ness, but he missed his opportunity to be a brother due to

his resentment.Kim and I receive many requests for help to im-prove sibling disagreements that have existed for

years. Just like the two brothers, reconciliation becomes difficult to accomplish because

many of us will hold grudges against our relatives without the willingness to

eliminate the concerns.The Henley Center in the UK

explains, “The decline of the family as an institution forms one of the primary symptoms of the paradox

of prosperity. Significant factors contributing to family breakdown are the inability of family to communicate differences and support each other

through difficulties. The support system does not mean monetary only, but emotional support is also important. Sibling rivalry can destroy the cohesiveness of relationships in the family.”


Divorce is not the only indicator of our family breakdown. Many families are struggling with the problem of sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry is the strife between brothers and/or sisters that leads to bickering and fighting—and now even murder.

Recently, the CBS program 48 Hours fea-tured the story of a 12-year-old girl allegedly murdered by her 14-year-old brother and two of his friends. The prosecutor in the case stated that the boy’s motive in the murder was sibling ri-valry. The boy was upset by his sister’s success. He considered her a real threat. Details of the case show that the young girl was gruesomely stabbed to death in her own bedroom.

So sibling rivalry and violence is not new. But do families have to live with it? Is it possible to have real lasting peace within our families?

Many parents with more than one child are expressing a sense of helplessness in stopping

what appears to be all-out war raging inside their own homes. Unfortunately, sibling rivalry has become a huge problem for many families—especially families that are bringing together two sets of stepchildren.

To become well educated on the problem, parents must first learn the root causes of sibling rivalry. Envy and jealousy for another’s talents or material possessions is an obvious root cause. Who has not witnessed one child upset over another child’s success or acquisition of a new toy? This cause of sibling rivalry reflects a character issue and must be dealt with through strong teaching and discipline with the individual child. But there is a more serious cause for strife among siblings. Brothers and sisters will fight with each other when they experience a deficit of time, attention, love and approval from their parents. This is so simple to understand, but so easy to overlook.

Parents must recognize that most sibling battles are a symptom of the parents not providing enough time, attention, love and approval for each child. It doesn’t take long to recognize that when each child receives ample parental attention, even petty envies and jealousies decrease. It is important to spend quality time with your children. Even the child who is having the most difficulty doing the right thing still requires the same amount of love. Sibling rivalry can be carried into relationships causing long lasting effects. It is essential to maintain positive communication and be open to constructive criticism.

Circle of Moms author Sharon Silver recog-nizes that while most parents work to avoid arguments, that fighting actually teaches kids

valuable skills. She suggests that parents work to avoid the rivalry which can cause lifetime damage between brothers and sisters. Her advice?

1. Don’t Be Judge and Jury

Most parents think that part of their job entails being both judge and jury. The problem with that is that the kids don’t learn how to resolve things themselves. When a parent decides who is right and who is wrong and what should be done about that, one child remains angry and one feels like the winner. They’re not working together to practice the resolution skills that they’ll need to be suc-cessful in life.

2. Instead, Be a Facilitator

To get your kids to be on the same team, you need to help facilitate and guide them toward resolution of their own fights. You do that by teaching your kids how to express the feelings that motivated the fight in the first place. Put the same questions to both children until resolution has occurred. For example:

Molly, why are you mad? And Sam, why are you mad?

Molly, please give me there ideas to work this out. And Sam, what are your three ideas?

3. Explain That We Do Not Hurt Those We Love

Since kids are immature thinkers, the best way to enforce this rule is to define it further. This might sound like, “One way someone gets hurt is by accident. The other way is when someone uses his or her body as part of a fight. Which one is against the law in our house?”

When a child is busted for physically fighting with a sibling do not expect him or her to say, “Gee mom, that was handled so calmly, I appreciate your wisdom.” They’re angry. Try not to address the anger, just yet. You can say, “I’d be angry too if I had to lose my video time because I was fighting.” If you demand that your child not be angry, you’re walking into a power struggle.

4. Don’t Compare Your Kids

Comparing makes a child feel unappreciated and unloved by you. It never makes them rise up to work harder. Some kids increase the fighting with a sibling when they feel compared to him or her. Other kids swallow those feelings and seethe with resentment and lack of self worth.

5. Focus on Each Sibling’s Unique Talents

Each child deserves and needs to be seen as someone spe-cial, with unique talents and skills. Help your kids create high self-esteem by using “specific praise,” not global praise, as you focus on their unique talents

Ways to Help Prevent Rivalry5


By Grace Derocha

So I will be honest with you: I don’t love working out. By working out, I mean going to the gym and being bored on the elliptical machine (or other gym equip-

ment of your choice). My iPod helps because I love music, but in reality, I love fun and social exercise. Classes seem

to get me more motivated, but whatever works for you and however you can get some exercise in makes me happy.

As many of you know, I love dancing. I grew up dancing and it is my favorite form of exercise, whether it be a dance class

to Zumba or the latest fun activity I have started doing with my friends: Dance Party Kinect Tuesdays!

My Solution for a Home Workout:Grace Derocha and friends gather on

Get K nected

I have the XBOX Kinect system. This is the system where your body replaces the hand-held controller. We play Dance Central 1 and 2 and we also have the Michael Jackson Experience, where you get to sing and dance. Turns out this is a great way to exercise at home.Dance Party Kinect Tuesdays is fun for a variety of reasons:1. It is a fun way to exercise at home. Who doesn’t love music and dancing?2. It’s primarily a social activity you can do with your friends. It is great time to catch up with them weekly and get a home workout in as well.3. The guys do it too. Lately, we have been able to get our significant others in on the action. It has definitely been out of their comfort zone, but they are enjoying it. Sometimes I think they are just there to watch us girls dance, but anytime I can get my husband to cut a rug is a good time.

In the past, I have also been on a kickball team with friends. It is great fun and something to look forward to every week. Plus, there’s nothing like a little bit of fun competition to get the adrenaline going.

And for a cheap, at-home workout I have even found workouts through my cable company On Demand. It is free and in the privacy of my home. I get a class with an instructor whenever I want. There is always quite a variety, from aerobic workouts to yoga to strength training. My husband has now even tried yoga with me this way.Editor’s note: Grace Derocha is a registered dietitian and certified diabetes and weight-loss management educator at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. She blogs at AHealthierMichigan.org.

The art of social exercise


ByKeithCarlson,RN,BSN

Ifyou’retryingtomaintainahealthydiet,butstillliketogoouttorestaurantsnowandthen,eatinghealthycansometimesbeachallenge.Whilemanyrestaurantsnowcatertohealth-consciousconsumers,therearestillthosethatmaynot.

Howcanthesavvyrestaurantcustomereatwellwithoutthoroughlycompromisingtheirnutritionalanddietarygoals...and,ofcourse,withoutsacrificingtaste?

Watch Those Portions

Insomerestaurants---oftenthemostexpensiveones---mealportionsarelaughablysmall,sosometimesthere’snoth-ingtoworryabout.However,incertainestablishments,hugeportionscancausethepatrontoactuallyeatmorethanheorshereallywantsto.Monitorportionsizes,takehomeadoggiebagifyouneedto,orsplitthemeal,ifpossible.Iftheychargefivedollarsfortwopatronstosplitameal,itmaybeworthyourwhiletodoso.

Also,buffetsareespeciallydangeroussincewefeellikeweneedtoget“ourmoney’sworth”.Eatsensibly,andmakesureyou’reeatingbecauseyou’restillhungry-notjustbecauseyoucaneatmorewithoutpayingextra!

Avoid the Extras

Itiscommonpracticeforrestaurantstoputbreadorcrackersonthetablewhenyoufirstsitdown.Whilethisnicetouchisalwaystempting,eatingafewpiecesofbreadbeforeamealcanaddmanyneedlesscarbohydratesandcaloriesbeforethemealevenbegins.Instead,refusethebreadbasket(oreatasinglepiece,thenaskthatthebasketbetakenaway)anddrinkanentireglassofwaterbeforeordering.Thiscurbsyourappetiteandhelpsyoutohydratebeforeyoueat.

Substitute, Substitute, Substitute

Whenperusingarestaurantmenu,youcangenerallycountonthefactthattherewillbefoodsincludedwithyourmealthatyoumaynotwanttoeat.Whilesomemenusmayclearlystate“nosubstitutions”,manykitchenswillgooutoftheirwaytopleasecustomers,especiallyintheseuncertaineconomictimes.So,whentheservercomestotakeyourorder,asktosubstituteanextraservingofvegetablesforthepotato,orrequestbrownriceinsteadofwhiterice.Bysubstitutingfoodsitems,youcanreduceyourcalorie-loadsignificantly.

To Drink or Not to Drink

Alcoholandrestaurantstendtogohandinhand,butifyou’retryingtoeatright,alcohol-reductionisagoodsteptomake.Mixeddrinks,beerandwineallcontainhighquantitiesofcarbs,sugarandcalories,andcontrollingthesetemptationscandrasticallyreducethenutritional(andfinancial!)costofthemeal.Redwineandotheralcoholsdohavecardio-protectiveproperties,butahealthymoderatedietandplentyofexercisecanbeevenbetterfortheheart.

The Savvy Way To Eat Out RightWhat About Dessert?

The finalcourse isoftenwhere the rubberhits theroadintermsofourabilitytosticktoourdietaryguns.Dessert isalmostalways temptingwhenyou’reout toeat,and there isnoarguingagainst thepleasuresofacupofhotcoffeeandasweettreatattheendofanen-joyablediningexperience.

Luckily, many restaurants have separate dessertmenusthat theserverwillofferonceyourplateshavebeencleared,andalthoughit’sfunto“justlook”atthemenu,chancesarethatyou’llgiveinandordersome-thingonceyoureadthemouthwateringdescriptionsofthepastrychef’slatestofferings.Thesaferroute?Don’tlookatthedessertmenu,andsimplyhaveacupofteaorcoffee.

However, if dessert seems inevitable, try orderingonedessertandsharingwiththeperson/peopleyou’reenjoyingyourmealwith.Ifyou’rediningsolo,askifyoucanbe servedonlyhalf thedessertportion,while thesecondhalfisimmediatelywrappedupinato-gobox.Thisway,yoursweettoothcanbesatisfiedwithouttheriskofsugaroverload.

Myfinalsecretaboutdessert:ifyoudecidetogoforit,justrelaxandenjoyit,anddon’tconsiderfeelingsoguiltyaboutindulging.

We All Do Our Best

Restauranteatingoffersmanychallengesforthecon-scientiouseater,andeverymealoffersanotheropportu-nitytomakehealthychoices.Butwhiletryingtoeatashealthyaspossible,it’salsoimportanttorememberthatindulgenceisapartoflife,particularlyonspecialocca-sions.So,ifyoumakesomedietarymisstepsandveeroffcourse,simplygobacktothebasicsandstartagain.Lifeismeanttobeenjoyable,andnoonewantstoalwaysbesufferingfromafeelingofdeprivation.

So,makethebestchoicesyoucan,livewiththecon-sequences of those choices, and remember that thereare alwaysmore opportunities to do even better nexttime.

Editor’s Note:KeithCarlsonisaregularcontributortoblackdoctor.org,aleadingsourceforculturallyrelevanthealthcare information.Blackdoctor.org is aneditorialpartnerofLivingWELLMagazine.

10 LivingWELL • August �01110 LivingWELL • February 2012

ByKarissaLang

Do you know your family’s health history? Or is it like a secret no one wants to talk about? Many health con-ditions, including type 2 diabetes, run in families and many people who get the disease actually have one or

more family members with it as well.

Family history is closely associated with developing type 2 dia-betes later in life. This is especially true in the African American community since nearly 13% of African Americans over the age of 20 are living with diabetes. And the numbers are still rising. Maybe you have diabetes and are worried about your family members developing the disease, too. CDC estimates that as many as 1 in 3 U.S. adults could have diabetes by 2050, unless something changes.

Diabetes is a serious problem within the African American com-munity, but there is good news. A study, the Diabetes Prevention Program (DPP), proved that type 2 diabetes can be prevented or delayed in those at high risk for the disease.

Knowing the health history of your siblings, parents, and blood relatives is important because it gives you and your health care team information about your risk for developing health problems, such as type 2 diabetes. You can’t change your family history, but knowing about it can help you work with your health care team to take action on things you can change.

Studies have shown that you can prevent or delay type 2 dia-betes by losing 5 to 7 percent of your weight, if you are over-weight— that’s 10 to 14 pounds if you weigh 200 pounds. You can lose weight by walking 30 minutes a day for five days a week and choosing healthy foods lower in fat and calories.

Ask around

Talk to your relatives to find out if anyone has diabetes. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes, tell your family.

Update your health care team on your family history

Talk to your health care team about whether you should be screened for diabetes. It is important to find out early if you have diabetes so you can take steps to manage the disease. People who keep their blood glucose (sugar) as close to normal as possible in the early years after they are diagnosed with diabetes have fewer problems with their eyes, nerves and kidneys, and fewer heart attacks later in life.

Make a healthy eating plan for the whole family

The plan should include:

1. Eating a variety of colorful fruits and vegetables, whole grains and fat-free or low-fat milk and milk products.

2. Choosing lean meats, poultry without the skin, fish, beans, eggs and nuts.

3. Foods low in saturated fats, trans fats, cholesterol, salt (sodium) and added sugars.

Get Moving

Make physical activity a family affair. Go for a walk, or play soccer, basketball or tag with your children. Try swimming, biking, hiking, jogging or any activity that you enjoy. Vary your activities so you don’t get bored.

Create a family plan to work together to prevent or delay type 2 diabetes. If someone in your family has diabetes, ask how family members can support them.

Editor’s notE: Karissa Lang is a regular contributor to blackdoctor.org, a leading source for cultur-ally relevant healthcare information. Blackdoctor.org is an editorial partner of LivingWELL Magazine.

It’s Time to TalkGet to know your family’s medical history

LivingWELL • August �011 11LivingWELL • February 2012 11

Continue the conversation at: www.aHealthierMichigan.org

By Jodi Davis

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all applaud the successes of others instead of viewing those successes as an indication of our own

personal failure?

This is something that I’ve considered writing about for a long time and today is finally the day. We’ve all observed other people’s success attained by others in this way, even though many folks prefer not to come right out and admit it. For some people, it happens quite frequently. For others, not so much, as they tend to recognize what they are doing and make a conscious effort to end the feelings that they are having.

There isn’t a person that we know who isn’t happy for another person’s success on occasion. The list of successful personal achievements is endless, so it really isn’t possible to look at every one of those successes as a personal indication that we, ourselves, just aren’t as good as they are. There are many things that you may not personally strive for or desire, yet others do. So when they achieve these things, we don’t feel like we failed at all. We are sincerely happy for them and enjoy seeing them so pleased with themselves.

Jealousy IntervenesBut then there are the things that others succeed

at that we desired for ourselves. We get upset and think to ourselves, “I strived for it, I wanted it, but they got it.” It bothers us when others are successful.

Think back to those years spent in grade school when we were just children. When a fellow classmate received a better grade on a big test even though we feel we studied harder than they did, it upset us and we didn’t feel like applauding them at all. In fact, it often creates a type of resentment because they succeeded at something we wanted for ourselves. It’s pretty common to become angry, or even a bit jealous, with them. I think we’ve all been there. In fact, I’m sure we can all remember the kid in school who always had the best grades.

Be honest here: Were any of you excited for him (or her) when he received yet another A on an exam? Nope, we secretly wished he received a bad grade — just once — and that everyone else in the class got a better grade than he did! Why is that?

The explanations could go on forever. I don’t have the space to list the ones I can think of, yet I can tell you what I told my kids: Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Do the best you can, no matter what! There will always be someone who does better than

you, and there will always be someone who does worse. Don’t wish for others to fail in order for you to feel better about yourself. That’s not true success. Success comes from your own hard work and dedication. Suc-cess doesn’t come by seeing another human being fail to reach a goal that both of you happen to be working towards. Don’t allow their failure to create a form of suc-cess for you. And don’t allow their success to cause you to feel like a failure.

Comparisons DisappointThis happened to me often during my 16-month

weight loss jour-ney. Some people would feel as if they failed because they would compare themselves to my success in actual pounds. This really bothered me. They

couldn’t find happiness in the success they were experiencing with their own weight loss. Why? Be-cause they were too focused on my success when they really should have been celebrating theirs!

I could surely have done the same thing if I would have found someone on the Internet who lost their excess weight faster than me … but I chose not to. I didn’t compare myself to anyone. It wouldn’t have made a hill of beans of difference anyways — I was doing the best I could, that was how I felt successful!

Watch for my upcoming blog about the fact that several people actually “wished for my failure” some even making up stories about how I lost my weight and still inform me that they’re “surprised I kept it off.” Wow. Really.

Editor’s Note: Jodi Davis is a regular contributor to LivingWELL Magazine, a motivational speaker and Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan’s walking and healthy living program advocate. She inspires others with her story of 162 pounds over a 16-month period and her ability to maintain her target weight for more than 10 years. Keep up with her at www.ahealthiermichigan.org

Cut 0ut the CompetitionWhy comparing yourself to others diminishes personal happiness

1� LivingWELL • August �01112 LivingWELL • February 2012

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Living Well 2.2012

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