Life is a circle
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Transcript of Life is a circle
Here’s what the first critics (victims) had to say:
“A piece of cra# that you would discover
to be irrevocably irresistible and insanely
irritable all at the same time!”
“Mudila” thanni….thanni….!
“The most horrifying way to philosophical
illumination. Ever”
“ Gimme more !”
PS : I did not influence or write any of the above
DISCLAIMER
The following pages contain explicit mokkai*
content deemed dangerous for the living and the
non-living** alike. The content hereof is intended
purely for fun, not as a pun but for some bun***.
The author uses a techno-tanglish slang in the book
which might intimidate some people. But
nevertheless it guarantees complete entertainment
in a while(1) loop. Some terms for which a wiki
exists are linked to enable purposeful reading. But
have a watch on you straying out from there. The
author also has an uncanny ability to put
brackets**** and brackets within that. So an advice
would be to read them as a compiler would do.
*If you still did not know about it, you will discover in due course of the book
**The non-living can also be disturbed by the impulsive actions of the reader
*** Bun is a colloquial (non-urban) slang for getting a mokkai*
****In the true literal sense, of course
CLAIMER
This is a work of Mokkai. There might be some faint
resemblances of hearing some instances somewhere
as Mokkai is Universal energy and it is neither
created nor destroyed (while it can destroy things)
but can be transformed from one form to another.
The holy intention of the mokkascript (read
manuscript) is to conserve and preserve the droplets
of nectar for the future generation to read and
unleash the potential (as instructed by my spiritual
master Mr.Koundamani in one of his discourses)
This work can be considered as a starting point of
much more torture to come. Along with my mokkai-
mate (guru, inspiration) Bala @BMW, I would like
embark on this holy crusade. Technically,
mokkanically this is just an abstract of the bible yet
to unfold. So get ready to ESCAPE!
MOTIVATION
“Life is all about smiling till the last mile”
-some crazy bugger
This has been the primary purpose behind this
masterpiece (read comedy-piece). One good thing
about life is that you can get inspired by the subtlest
of things and subtle quality of yours can inspire
many. At the end of the day, make sure that you
have laughed your hearts out and in turn make
others smile. But when I try to do the latter, in my
own way, the world terms it mokkai, but I do feel
cool about it and that’s what makes the difference.
The secondary and tertiary mottos involve around
instilling fear and a feeling of helplessness,
haplessness and hopelessness into people, helping
them understand what it means to be a real
scapegoat. Sounds oxymoronic right? Read on to
discover the other end of the book cover!
CUTTINGS and VETTINGS
How easy is it to be a Butter Cutter?
Suprabhatam @ 6
Monday Morning Blues: Mystery solved!
The „M‟ word
Classifieds
Social NOTworking
The Weakest Sex
Sets Relations and Functions
Past, Present and Future
SMS and Shakespeare
Smileys and Sarcasm
Aunty-Mokkai Group
Connecting the Dots! Making a Kolam!
ICU-AMT
How easy is it to be a Butter Cutter?
Have you ever imagined a job where in you are
required to be a butter cutter (Venna Vetti)? Simple
and obvious it might seem, but there are complex
intricacies involved tan imagined. Consider cutting
butter better to be a real-time embedded system.
There are sensors and actuators involved along with
zero-delay scheduling and real-time feedback. The
sharpness (rather bluntness) of the knife, the angle
of incidence on the butter cake, the force applied,
the extent of softness of the butter, the ambient
temperature, the psychopathic state of the cutter
are just a very few important parameters to be
considered while cutting a butter without a jitter.
People say, “It is a cake-walk for this person to do
this job”. I would just like you to close your eyes for
a moment (But before that finish reading this
sentence :P), slow down your breathing and imagine
yourselves walking on a ice topped chocolate forest
cake! Through the sticky mushy cream jelling all
along your feet and the loss of friction that would
make fall all over making it a La’Eggina style!
Now, how does that feel? I am sure half of you
would have felt disgusted, half thinking about their
partners during the walk and the rest half (including
me) about tasting the cake while skimming through.
So cake walk is not really so. It needs utmost care
attitude and concentration to accomplish any simple
job. There were actually three halves and it is not a
math err as we know from our childhood days that
nothing can be cut into equal parts when sharing
with siblings; with your share always larger.
So it’s not at all an easy job being a butter cutter or
being anything for that matter.
Suprabhatam @ 6
My septuagenarian grandmother’s onnu vitta chithi
came to visit her for a week. Every morning from
Monday to Sunday, she switches on the TV for
listening to the Suprabhatam sharp at six. It is that
time of the morning when you are in semi-awake
state, still wanting to snug up in bed with the perfect
dream hovering around you. You self-portray
yourself as the hero and all your crushes come flying
to you. And suddenly you are startled with this
super voice of MS at high volume that even gods
would spring up from their beds in heaven. Being a
guest and an elder woman, I did not want to hurt
her sentiments that she has been practicing right
from when the radio came to India. At the same
time I did not want to start this way either; waking
up startled. I tried the following algorithms.
Monday night (after all had retired to bed): Pushed
the TV remote under the sofa making it look like it
had fallen down naturally.
Tuesday morning (very early): Somehow, she figured
it out and I sprang up from bed, bidding a hasty bye
to my angel in dream.
Tuesday night: Switched OFF the TV mains and slept
peacefully with the satisfaction of an
accomplishment.
Wednesday (very very early): She had my dad ON
the system for her. Mission failed.
Wednesday night: Thinking of playing it defensively.
Heavy sound-proofing with two cotton rolls. Plus an
extra pillow to cover the ears.
Thursday morning: No use, sound travels even
through tough barricades and the brain is such a
receptive mode. God save me!
Thursday night: Unplugged the cable connection
from behind and slipped into my blanket
Response: Holy Marconi! The radio was on and
buzzing out even louder than the TV
Friday night: Tomorrow is the weekend and I want
to sleep peacefully till the sun is at an angle of
incidence of 75 degrees. In addition to unplugging
the cable connection, I silently hide the radio in my
cupboard.
Saturday morning: The voice of the angel in my
dream suddenly changed frequency. No! It was my
grand mom’s onnu vitta chithi. She said in a gentle
voice, “Kanna, inda radio enga pochunu therila,
konjam eduthu thandutu thoongu pa. I won’t
disturb you later”. Exasperated, I said to myself,
“Why this kolaveri!!”
I thought a lot the whole day Saturday as I had
nothing else to do. Sunday was special (more
colorful dreams, with scenes adapted from the
movie I watched on sat night). After a long and
thoughtful thinking process, I discovered the perfect
winning algorithm that would not break my sleep.
It was…. To get up myself at 5:45 AM! I had to
accept defeat and I was helpless, I was cornered.
Monday Morning Blues: Mystery solved!
Most of us, almost all of us suffer from a
phenomenon called Monday morning blues.
Everything seems lost, the brain doesn’t crank and it
feels like heaven to be in bed. There is no simple
interest leave alone compound interest on anything
and doing nothing feels most soothing. But how do
we get over it? Can something be done about it at
all?
Let us approach this as a scientific problem, look at
the postulates, then get into root cause analysis and
finally arrive at a best possible solution considering
the tradeoffs. This is then very very very very
cumbersome and might a separate book in itself.
I shall teach you a simple but effective technique for
now to drive away Monday morning blues. On a
Sunday night, write this on a piece of white paper
with black ink, “Monday blue, come next week” and
stick it near the calendar. Monday blue being
disciplined and subjected to the laws of English;
would read, understand and wait till next week until
infinity. Additionally you can chant this too: “Monday, Monday (blue silent) go away
Don’t Eat my Manday”
The ‘M’ word
“Thoughts are idiosyncrasies of brain waves and
Mokkai is a manifestation of the Manasu! “
The word unlike others is self-explanatory.
Whenever you type the word in any word editor,
you see a red saw underlining it. This exactly is the
meaning of this all pervasive self-intelligent word.
It’s not the saw as in see-saw but a collection of
blunt blade jokes that can make your face turn red
with pain, anger or agony or helplessness or
whatever you would like to term it.
The saw symbolizes monotony dryness and agony
and the red symbolizes blood. So now that you got
to know the real meaning someone might counter it
by saying, “all words unrecognizable to the
dictionary come as unrecognized, and even your
name for that matter- Bharath”. The point is that
mokkai has the underlining symbolism perfectly in
sync with its logical meaning. Now that I have added
it to my dictionary it wouldn’t highlight itself further
and I would recommend you also to do the same
and get accustomed to it. I know you are beginning
to boil. That’s the way to go.
Classifieds
“There is a thin line in between a great philosophy
and a horrible mokkai and it is a null pointer!”
Mokkai is always a class apart (pakkathu class) and
each one of them is used exactly to affect the
emotional balance of the others with severity
inversely proportional to the quality.
The human brain, over the ages has evolved a
classification algorithm that works on statistical
comparison and measurement analysis of real-time
data. Similar classification is very subtle and difficult
in the case of mokkai as there no measuring
parameter as such. This is because one cannot
ideally measure how agonized one is as there is no
ISI unit. At the broadest level, mokkai is termed as
mokkai , kaatu mokkai , kodura mokkai and marana
mokkai in the order of increasing BP of the receptor
victim. This classification at no point in time or
frequency can be compared to the classification of
dosas (sada, special sada, plain, masala etc). But any
dosa is always a dosa and so does mokkai .
“Mokkai is a weapon of mass destruction. It can
make people weep to exaggerate the least”
Social NOTworking
Social Networking has eventually transformed the
way humans interact. It has brought together our
friends and acquaintances from the various times
and spheres of life. On the flip side, we have been
taken a time travel back to the cave man’s era. The
cave may not be a physical one as such but we have
been successful in creating a virtual mirage of what
we actually are NOT.
So, on an average everyone has some hundreds of
friends connected. But you wouldn’t need a 16-bit
counter to count the real close friends whom you
want to stay connected with. Imagine someone
whom you never wanted to chat just pinged you
(may be by mistake). A glimpse of the conversation
is depicted below:
A: Hi dude ! (Oh no! Did I just ping this guy by
mistake?)
B: Hi macha ! (Does macha transform to dude in the
US, useless bugger)
(After some strange minutes of awkward silence when
both look for “….is typing “ )
A: Wassup dude? Lifes @ its best here at the you-yess
B: (thinks did any1 asked him but says) Here all is well.
Eating delicious mom’s food lazying b4 d tv
A: Cool ( misses mom’s food actually for a sec). The
chicks are hot here.
B: (Evanda avan kadla poda vidama noy noyyunu )
After some 10 minutes or so….
A: (feeling happy to conclude the conversation says)
catch u l8r dude, gotta go ice skating
B: (Aala vidra saami ) Bye da. Tc chill
And I am in a way very much dependent on social
networking to help reach out this book to millions.
Sounds oxymoronic right! That is what the book is all
about. A wishful contradiction of contradictions, a
disguised benediction with no jurisdiction or
prediction making a viral addiction-vicks action! The
whole point is… Aaniya pudunga vendam! (Is
someone gets it right in the first go, except of course
Mr TR, you can come and claim one jeeraga mittai
from me!)
The Weakest Sex
A selective disclaimer with emphasis on complete
non-generalization is applied here with immediate
effect (and this is not a two-line thought) .
The weaker sex is called weaker because it is not
weak. There is also a class of people called the
“weakest sex” and that is men, the measuring
criteria being mental strength, psychological
stamina along with a little physical strength. Women
have a complex neural network that analyses, thinks
and keeps on thinking (don’t know for what?) even
while reading this.
They employ a complex algorithm to filter through
and to arrive at (with fair amount of doubts) at
someone who is faintly close to a perfect
companion. They also employ a continuous
evaluation protocol as in our educational system to
rank guys.
As someone very rightly said,”Holding your
girlfriend’s hand and walking in a mall may seem
romantic to the passersby but only you know it in
your heart that is economical that way”!
And friends around you usually work as spark plugs
in helping in ignite your passion (not the bike).
Depending on the environmental conditions, at one
hand, this can lead to a smooth power stroke while
on the other a dead heat exhausting fumes and
black smoke all around. “Macha, ava onnaye
paakura da” (Dude, she is looking at you through the
corner of her eyes). How many times and how many
guys have fallen to this? The list is endless. And if
someone smiles at you even from a far distance,
there would be cascade of imagination running all
over, with everything looking beautiful all of a
sudden and you begin proclaiming,” Macha, ava
devadai da “.
As philosopher AJ, rightly says,” the things that we
want to forget are the ones that hover around and
haunt us”.
Sets Relations and Functions (not math)
While pondering about relationships and their
dynamism, I stumbled upon this piece of work called
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I had a
great revelation (You Yes of A la kooda ipdi daan
sanda poduvaanga pola. It was not this OK). But by
the time I was able to apply this real-time, I was
single and when I managed to find somebody, I
forgot what I had to do. Now I know what is running
in your mind, “This guy is definitely from Saturn”!
I was thinking to myself, what if someone comes up
with a flawless algorithm for handling relationships
with all contingency plans in place? A universal law
like Newton’s kind of stuff for men and women (of
course different different ones) to readily adapt into
day-today-tomorrow lives.
I was thinking why not me? With all these years of
zero experience, I thought I could take up the task of
framing the laws and become famous like Newton!
Brat’s laws of cupid! It sounded cool in my dreams.
But when I started penning down, they became one
too many and I thought it would run to volumes.
People would rather loathe me rather than praise
me. The greatest learning that I garnered during this
strenuous process is this realization “We are all
flawed by design!” So no matter what all laws we
make, they would NOT be applicable to everyone
everywhere every time.
People feel that they need a person who would be
able to love the way they are, what they originally
are. “You be yourself. You don’t have to change
yourself for me”. This is the signal that a huge storm
is awaiting to unleash itself. Better be at your feet.
This is definitely a true and genuine desire. But to be
together for a lifetime requires a bit more than that.
A little bit of adjustment, adaptation does nothing
wrong is what I feel. Let loose and don’t freak out.
After all, the world runs on give and take policy.
There is always a trade off in everything in life. The
extent of this to an acceptable limit is what is
important.
The whole point is each one of us unique, different
and special. The DNAs want to boast about their
mathematical and quantum probabilistic abilities of
creating same but different individuals I suppose.
Everyone of us who is/was/will be in a relationship
feels/felt/would feel that their companion is
complex, strange, crude, opaque and all the strong
adjectives. Please remember this holy saying and
you know what you can actually write it down on a
poster and frame it in your bedroom. “When you
truly love somebody, it overshadows all differences
and you become someone in their lives that no one
can become”. I can guarantee you that by the time
you finish reading this, you would be yawning.
OK, all said and done. Two most significant words to
take back (excluding the ‘of’ of course).
ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE.
Your life will willfully become better than what it is!
Past, Present and Future
If you think about what people might think about the
how and why of your thinking, you would cease to.
-A kinky thinker
We always feel that history is pleasant. While
working college feels like heaven and when we are
in college, school days were more joyous and
ecstatic. According to leading neuro- psychiatrists,
this phenomenon (Not Rajeev Menon) can be
attributed to the selective memory syndrome
coupled with a right-skewed selective recollection
algorithm incorporated in our brains.
What stays back as memories are the ones that
made us feel happy, sad, top of the world, bottom of
the ocean etc. This, when carefully analyzed and
plotted mathematically, has the potential to crush
the central limit theorem. From the super figure
below, we can see that it is a kavunda mani! (Adade
Aachariya kuri ). In simple English, an inverted bell
curve.
No one likes to be lectured. At home, at office, or
even at college. But lecturing when it comes to free,
fresh advice, everyone is into it. A senior guy would
go preaching; one must find your true calling…blah
… People found two effective ways of telling him,
Dude, take a breather. One of them would murmur
from the back bench, “True calling is OK, now your
wife is calling you on your phone. If it becomes a
missed call, your missus will misunderstand it”.
Someone else would mute him,” First attend your
natures’ call”. But he was right and we knew it. Just
that we did not want it to be emphasized.
It really is important to find your purpose in life. But
it is not like; you go sit and meditate in a silent hall,
with incense fragrance and then proclaim Eureka
Eureka! It is the stronger of the strongest urge to
make a dent in the universe as Mr. Jobs would put it.
You would discover this at some point in time and
when are through, there is no looking back.
Always remember, “You need to discover yourself
coz, you cannot invent yourself!”
SMS and Shakespeare
The single greatest advancement in literature, post
the Shakespearean era that can be termed
‘dramatic’ is the evolution of the SMS language.
Where each extra character means money and
increased typing effort (we all love to use shortcuts
and remain lazy), human race has evolved in2 dis
btfl era.LOL . With no reference dictionary, this is
extraordinary. A geek says, “This can be thought of
as the output that you would get when you pass
whole words into Winzip or Winrar! “. That sums it
all. Depending on the extent of compression and the
quality, the message is (mis)interpreted.
The most annoying part of this is that everyone has
a self dictionary and feels that to be intuitively best.
According to scientists doing research in this
field,”This is very tiresome for the brain. The whole
statistical text prediction algorithm based on the
natural language processing has to be modified
every time one finds the same word represented in
a different way.”What he is telling? (Vadivelu style) I
never got what he wanted to say, did any one of you
get it? By the way Mr.Vadivelu is a stalwart in this
field of entertaining the masses though in the
process he sustains certain amount of damage to his
body and image.
When I first saw all these wds Ttul, ttun, nop, rofl ,
toefl, trol, so many like these on my mobile, I never
could figure out what they meant. From assuming
them to be typos, to forming my own meanings out
of them, I was scratching my head. I could not get
the courage to ask back the sender what they meant
coz that would imply that I did not belong to the
new youth generation.
So, the task is cut out straight. A formation of a
standard dictionary with all these dwarfed rebels is
the mandate. This would establish itself as a
reference manual. Intuitiveness, universal
acceptability, considerably low annoyance index are
the fundamental design factors involved.
Smileys and Sarcasm
Smileys are the best things to have happened in this
SMS era. They endeavor to enforce emotions into
seemingly simple combinations of cluttered words.
The amazing part is that they almost always succeed
with finesse. They have the power to alter the whole
setting, context with which the sender intends. A
simple analogy illustrates the effect:
Boy: U r such an idiot ;-) :P
Gal: Mad abt u! So sweet of u
Boy: U r such an idiot!! :X :(
Gal: And you are such a jerk @$$^#0!^
The words above are the same, but with smileys
around them, they convey completely opposite
meanings.
The :P smiley is my favorite and I keep wondering
how this came into actual existence. But I can’t
imagine rolling out my tongue every time I use it. It
also becomes too funny to think of people with their
tongues out captured in the ultra-slow motion like
they show a chameleon on TV, preying on a
relatively good-looking and innocent insect.
Aunty-Mokkai Group
“Even if you do wrong, you need to do it right”
In the recent past, there have been huge uprisings
and revolts to counter the rise of the planet of the
mokkais. Rumors and legend has it that a secret
society similar to the Priory of the Scion is working
undergrounds to tarnish the power of mokkai. In
fact there are two divisions into them. While one
tries to go in the path of non-violence by replying
with logic to every mokkai unleashed until there is
no more mokkai left, the other rebellious group tries
to counter a mokkai with one that is more deadly
that the former becomes insignificant.
I have only one thing to say: Sappa fellows; in either
case mokkai is the clear winner!
PS: The title was chosen just to garner interest of
the reader and it has nothing to do with the poor
serial-watchers (killers)
Connecting the Dots! Making a Kolam!
People who have exercised their patience in
reaching till point of the book might feel disjointed
about the non-homogeneousness in the chapters
and diagonally perpendicular content. To make it
feel psychologically appealing, this chapter is titled
connecting the dots or in tam, “Kolam Poduvathu”
(Yea, Yeah the Rangoli stuff). All the content are
random ramblings of a process running in a while (2)
loop in my mind.
Though, this does not prevent you from drawing a
beautiful kolam by connecting the various aspects of
life. And by chance, as most probably it would be
the case, if it turns out to be an ugly one, I don’t
claim responsibility!
I have actually tried to infuse humor into things of
great significance in ours and our neighbor’s life.
Right from when we get up, the human thought
process, the work we do and the one that we really
want to, the people we meet, the one’s that stay
and the one’s that never a part of us, life throws
upon us a dynamic mixture of opportunities and
interfaces. It is a means to depict sense in a non-
sense way as you might have already discovered.
Adding more metal to the cohesion, go have a look
at Chemistry textbooks’ or any other textbooks’
content page. As I vaguely recall, the most dreaded
subject at school had these chapters:
Electrochemistry, Chemical kinetics, Surface chemistry,
the periodic table elements, Coordination compounds.
(Don’t worry none of the above are hyperlinks). Is there
a faint synchronization between them? Assuming
my effort to be a textbook, it justifies the structure!
Uff! If you still feel that you are not satisfied with my
argument, then go jump from the lower basement!
ICU-AMT
International Conference on Universal
Advancements in Mokkai Technology
You would have tried really hard and pichified your
head to connect the dots and found it utterly
difficult make sense out of this non-sense. So, here
comes the real agenda of this endeavor.
- To form a common platform to inform
people about this reform and faint them
without even a chloroform.
- To bring in all knowledge from everywhere
and make a bible kinda thing for unification
of our race.
- Vera vela illa, ena we are vetti all time
The world needs to be united over this profound
social uprising. A forum (~mall) has to be established
for culmination of all the practitioners of this holy
trade from every corner of the planet (don’t tell me
it’s a sphere) and even beyond if possible. This
would eventually establish itself into a superpower
consortium of indestructible prowess and
propensity and indomitable authority.
We would like to organize this congress by inviting
speakers, mics and headphones oops, not these, the
m-speakers, m-paperists, m-loggers and the m-
bookists from all across to present and postsent
their experiments with the M-word. Taking into
considerations the high potential of natural
destruction, we plan to organize it in the nada of the
Bermuda triangle where even the tsunami has a high
probability of getting lost.
A leading Mokka fellow (Read IEEE fellow) feels
elated about this and exclaims, “mokkai has become
an integral part of my vaazhkai, like my edathu kai
and valathu kai”. Can anyone beat it? The good
news is that its all free and much more, all the
accepted papers would be indexed in I-bruce-lee
and OCM (OC Mokkai(I still can’t figure out how OC
came into existence in the tamil literature(if
someone knows write back to me(and take it easy
and see if you get out of the brackets alive)))). In
addition to the above, they would also be published
in odanju-pona-spring publications.
How do we plan to run this extravaganza? Obviously
there will casualties and they will have to be
admitted in the ICU and AMT will be collected from
them and now you know the strategic significance of
the name. There is nothing in the world without a
reason except reason itself.
We have strategically tied up with a country
hospital. The doors of the conference room will be
locked and people in would be subjected to pure
non-sense with high intensity over long periods of
time until a breaking point is detected. When people
are able to visualize death, they live. Very profound
isn’t it.
Papers and Mokkascripts are invited in the area of:
Blood in Ear Technology
Mokkai Sensor Networks
Heat and Mokkai Transfer
Mokkatronics
Control systems (not preferred)
M-Android
Artificial Mentalligence
Our Bladinum Sponsors:
My-sparrow-also-soft
Benana Networks (The real Kelara banana)
Kadikkada aapil
555555 networks (aaru-anju)
Neela mani technologies (Blubell)
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