Lets Talk about BullyingMiss Henderson- Guidance

Let’s Talk…

James is the shortest boy in his 3rd grade class, and Leroy gives him a hard time about it everyday. “Hey shrimp!” he calls out to James. You’re a big nothing. Please stop calling me names,” James says. “Only if you give me your lunch money,” counters Leroy. “If you don’t me and my friends are going to come to your house when you’re sleeping, and you’ll be sorry.” James now refuses to sleep in his own room.

If you were James best friend, what

would you tell him to do? If you heard

Leroy talking to James like this, would

you say anything? If so, what would you

say?

Let’s Talk continued…

Edgar is the smartest student in his 5th grade class. Thomas, one of his classmates, struggles in

school, but he makes up for it by his bravado. One day outside of school ,he said to Edgar,

“Hey puke face.” When Edgar ignored him, Thomas became angry and said “Don’t pretend

you don’t hear me, loser.” With that, he knocked the books out of Edgar’s arms and laughed.

“You do as I say,” Thomas said, “and we’ll get along fine.”

If Edgar were your friend, what

would you tell him to do? If you

heard Thomas being mean to

Edgar, would you say anything? If

so, what? What else might you do?

WHAT IS BULLYING???

People define bullying in many different ways, but the easiest definition is that bullying is unwanted, aggressive pressure place upon another person in order to scare or threaten that person to get him or her to do what the bully wants. Bullying is not just between two people; one group can be bullied by another group. Bullying is not limited by age, gender, religious groups, or ethnic group. Just as children can be bullied in school, adults can be bullied at work.

Bullies what and need to control others or situations. They can do this openly or secretly. In many cases, bullies are more powerful than those whom they bully, but sometimes it only seems that way. Those who are bullied often feel afraid and helpless; they don’t know what to do to make the bullying stop, even if they did, they can’t seem to do it.

Bullies want to harm the person being bullied. If the bullied person feels threatened or is hurt-physically, emotionally, verbally, socially/ cyber, spiritually- bullying exists, regardless of what the bully says (for example, “It was only a joke.”)

Physical Bullying and Emotional Bullying

PHYSICAL- Hitting, slapping, punching Kicking Pushing Tripping Taking an object Knocking an object out of someone’s hands or

arms Destroying the property of the bullied person

EMOTIONAL- Name calling Intimidation or threats Instilling fear or sense of inferiority Gossiping, whether the information is true or not Implying wrongdoing has been done by the

bullied person to merit his/her treatment and to instill in his/her guilt or shame

Social Bullying & Cyber Bullying

SOCIAL- Exclusion of the one being bullied Spreading rumors about him/her that would

make others avoid him/her or ridicule him/her Posting pictures, videos, or texts about the person

on the internet

CYBER- Posting pictures, videos, or texts about the person

on the internet Making threats on social media about the person Teasing/making fun of the person by use of social

media (i.e. Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.)

Verbal Bullying & Spiritual Bullying

Verbal- Name calling Teasing Threats

Spiritual- Making the one bullied feel as if he is not loved

by God Implying that the person’s actions will not be

forgiven by God Ridiculing another’s religion or religious

practices

CYBER BULLYING

Cyberbullying occurs when one person threatens, torments or embarrasses another person using the Internet, email, or social media like Facebook or Twitter. Some people argue that cyberbullying is not true bullying, but this is wrong. The harassment, embarrassment and hurt do have long-lasting, emotional effects, and what is posted may never be able to be permanently deleted, making suffering of the bullied person longer lasting. Reputations have been ruined with tragic consequences, such as suicide of the bullied person. Girls are very often the ones who are cyberbullied and also likely to be involved in cyberbullying, especially in spreading lies, rumors or gossip.

In some surveys, between 40% and 50% of teens say that they have been cyberbullied, making it an increasingly common type of bullying among pre-teens and teens. Most teens think that cyberbullying is easier to get away with-without consequences-than bullying in person, a situation in which the bullied person knows the bully.

How does your

online presence

reflect your

reputation?

What is not considered bullying?

The normal “rough and tumble” play of children is not bullying if no harm is intended. Similarly, mutual teasing of one another (often with laughs and hugs for girls and play punches for boys) is not bullying, if all participates are aware of the fun, take it lightheartedly or laugh about it, have an equal opportunity to engage in it, and part as friends at the end of it. Children and teens often call each other names in jest; as long as it is done in a spirit of humor on both sides, it is not considered bullying.

What is a bully?

Bullies can be girls or boy, and they can bullying individuals or their own gender or of the opposite gender. Bullying has been reported in children as young as 6 to 7 years old, but bullies can be of any age from childhood through adolescence and even into adulthood. Children can bully those of the same age or those who are younger; it is rare for a younger child to bully and older one, simply because he doesn’t usually have the physical strength to threaten and older child. In adolescence, however, younger adolescents can bully older adolescents who have some “weakness” on which the bullies can prey.

What are some characteristics of a bully?

Regardless of gender, bullies need to control situations and even certain people. This is difficult to understand, given that bullies usually have little self-control. As a reaction to their own lack of self-control, they seek to take control in any way they can, without thinking about the feelings of others.

Some mental health professionals believe that bullies lack empathy and possess poor interpersonal skills. They are frequently having trouble in school. Although some bullies have low self-esteem, others think very highly of themselves. In fact, research has found

that most bullies have normal to high levels of self-esteem. Many bullies feel that rules do not apply to them, and they become angry at authority figures who try to make

them obey rules. With peers, they can become angry and dismissive toward those who follow rules. Bullies are usually negative toward other people, tasks, institutions and expectations of them.

Do you

know

any

bullies?

How do

they

act?

Why do

you

think

they

act this

way?

Are

they

popular

?

Characteristics of boy bullies include:

Physically strong with no hesitation to hit, push or bull to get their way. If they have a weapon, they may also use it as a part of their bullying.

Usually have a model of bullying in their lives, often a male relative or older friend, and they come to believe that bullying is an acceptable way to get what they want, especially from those younger or weaker (in some ways) or from women or girls.

Often have family conflict or poor relationships among family members. May be just getting by in school. Often (but not always) not well-liked; this lack of friends tends to become worse as they get older because

others get tired of being used or treated badly by them.

Characteristics of girl bullies include:

Use of more subtle ways to bully, such as excluding another girl from the group, spreading

gossip or lies about her, sharing secrets, publicly shaming her in manipulating relationships

that such a girl might have with others.

A classic “triangle-er”, one who gets in the middle of people and knows how to

manipulate relationships in such a way that its often not clear where the truth lies and a

who is on whose side.

Not usually physically bullying although a boy might be recruited to do it for her.

Might be popular and even well-liked by teachers and other adults, who might have

difficulty believing that she could be a bully.

Often part of a larger group that joins in with the bullying or doesn’t try to stop her.

Do you see more

boys bullying other

kids or more girls

doing it?

THE BULLIED…

Bullies choose their “victims” for certain reasons, as it is rare for bullies to bully just anyone. In other words, bullies pick those whom they think they can successfully control.

Often these children and teens are afraid of what might be done to them in the future. They might feel responsible for their situation, even if that is not true or realistic. They worry that no one will ever like them because they are the target of a bully and don’t stand up for themselves. Hence, they often lack a good same-age friend. They might be very angry-at the bully and the situation-but their fear prevents them from expressing their anger toward the source of their problem. Instead, a bullied child or teen might lash out at loved ones instead, often causing people to label the bullied child or teen as moody. Although some research has suggested that the parents of children who are bullied might have overprotected their children (leading to their lack of assertiveness), that finding is not uniform across studies.

What would you think

is the scariest thing

about being bullied?

Is it that people might

get hurt physically or

that their feelings

might be hurt or that

they will get scared?

Characteristics of those who are bullied:

Weaker or different in some way. This can include being of a different religion or ethnic group, being new to a school, having a physical or educational limitation, etc. If a boy is bullied, he might be (or appear) weaker in some way, making him an easy target.

Often quiet, shy, withdrawn or sensitive. May have low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness; as a result, they feel lonely or friendless. Like the bully, might have poor coping skills or emotional problems. Might have trouble sleeping, eating or participating in the usual activities of young people their age. At the extreme, might display anxiety, phobias (such as school phobia), nightmares, stress-related physical

symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches, school absenteeism and depression (including thoughts of self harm). Unfortunately, there have been a number of news reports of children and teens who have killed themselves because they were bullied and felt humiliated (especially if social media was involved) and helpless to stop it.

THE WITNESSES… What are the characteristics of those who witness

bullying and do nothing?

Many young people have had this experience, and their behavior can actually encourage the bullying. After all, if nothing

is going to be said or done to the bully, why should he/she stop? If similarly-aged children or teens don’t say or do

anything, it may seem as if they are in agreement with the treatment that the bullied person is receiving, even if that

might not be the case.

Bullies want attention, and if onlookers are present to witness bullying, the bully is receiving what he/she most wants. On

the other hand, if those in attendance don’t seem to care about what is happening or are just not noticing, the bully may

escalate the bullying in order to catch their attention.

Have you ever witnessed

bullying of someone else?

Who was the person? How

was he or she bullied? Were

you afraid? Were you unsure

of what to do or say?

The Witnesses continued…

Other onlookers smile, giggle or laugh, indicating to the bully that they like what is going on (almost ensuring that the bullying will not continue) and indicating to the bullied person that they are not on their side, further excluding them. This increases that the child’s or teen’s sense of having no friends and perhaps even increases their sense that the bullying is deserved, especially when no one tries to stop it.

Another hurtful behavior of onlookers is to join in with the bullying by talking about the unkind action as if the bullied person is not even present. This gives the bullied child or teen a sense that her pain is not even visible or valid.

Why do children and teens do nothing when they witness bullying behavior? Many are afraid to say something to the bully or to take the victim’s side so that the bully’s attention will not turn toward them. This is especially true if their parents warned them not to get involved. Other children and teens don’t know what the right thing to do or say is, so they do or say nothing. Still others (a minority) do not like the bullied person and permit the bully to do their “dirty work” for them.

Do you think that most kids tell

their parents when they’ve seen

someone else being bullied?

Why or why not? What would be

some reasons that they wouldn’t

tell?

What can you do to prevent bullying?

There are different ways that you can handle bullying; walking away, ignoring the bullying,

confronting/standing up to the bully, telling the bully to stop, getting a trust adult to help,

trying to be friends with the bully, get a group of people together to stand up to the bully,

telling the bully no

Don’t be a bystander do something about it.

If you see bullying happening to someone else step in and help that person.

Don’t join in on the laughter or watch/observe the bullying that is happening.

Tell an adult.

Be a leader not a follower. (become an example of how kids should act at your school)

Report bullying if you see it happening online.