let’s savor milestone · 2016-12-06 · Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO,...

www.ncchwc.org www.nbme.org

let’s savor milestone

Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO, Wellcoaches Corporation, Co-Founder/Co-Director Institute of Coaching,

Co-Founder, Board member, National Consortium for Credentialing Health and Wellness Coaches

Inner Family & Immunity to Change

Harvard Health book published by William Morrow September 2016www.organizeyouremotions.com

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.

Walt Whitman

Coaching the Multiplicity of Mind:A Strengths-Based ApproachJuly 2013

Pixar 2015: Inside Out

Transcendence, Benevolence, Peacemaker, Harmony, Gra5tude, Meaning, Purpose,

Wholeness, Congruence Achievement, Contribu5on

Respect, To maCer, To be valued, To be validated, To be heard, Acknowledgement,

Jus5ce, Fairness, Integrity

Authen5city, Individuality, Responsibility, Self-determina5on, Choice, Control, Freedom, Independence, Space

Physical survival, Safety, Sustenance, Security, Sleep, Relaxa5on, Exercise, Nutri5on, Balance, Familiarity, Conserva5on, Health, Healing

Self-efficacy, Competence, Strength, Power, Protect, Compe55ve

Crea5vity, Beauty, Celebra5on, Flow, Play, Leisure, Humor, Self-expression, Procrea5on

Clarity, Produc5vity, Reliability, Work, Problem-solving, Organiza5on, Order

Openness, Sensory s5mula5on, Adventure, Wonder, Explora5on,

Discovery, Novelty, Challenge, Learning, Consump5on, Risk

Love, Empathy, Support, Connec5on, Interdependence, Belonging,

Community, Coopera5on, Soothing

MeaningMaker

Standard-Se.er

Rela1onal

CuriousAdventurer

Execu1veManager Crea1ve

Confidence

BodyRegulator

Autonomy

3rd person perspective…

a part of me feels, says, thinks, knows...

Kross, Grossman (2011). Boosting Wisdom: Distance from the Self Enhances Wise Reasoning, Attitudes, and Behavior

ambivalence emerges…

….from competing needs and drives

Immunity to Change parts who want me to improve

parts who don’t want me to improve

hidden conflicts keep us stuck 1.  Parts of me want to get

better at... 2.  Parts of me are sabotaging

the good intentions. 3.  The sabotaging parts need to

protect me from something terrible.

4.  I can help those parts shift their beliefs and assumptions

1. Improvement Goal

2. Doing/Not Doing

(vs. #1)

3. Hidden Competing

Commitment

4. Big

Assumption CRITERIA: •  True for you •  Implicates you •  Room for improvement •  Important to you

CRITERIA: •  Behaviors (not inner states) •  That work against col. 1 • Not Why? or What you should do about it.

WORRY BOX

CRITERIA: •  Follows from the fear • Commitment to self protection • Show why column 2 behaviors make good sense! • Feels powerful

CRITERIA: •  See how it sustains immune system •  Has a ‘Big-Time Bad’ conclusion for you •  Shows a bigger world for you (“I must not enter”) •  Feels powerful

example 1 •  I want to go to the gym

regularly •  I buy a gym membership.

•  I don’t go to the gym regularly.

•  I’ll become a dumb jock.

Kegan, Lahey, Helsing, (2015). Right Mind, Right Weight

example 2 •  I want to make better food

choices •  I buy healthy foods.

•  I buy unhealthy foods. •  I dislike following other

people’s rules about what is healthy.


example 3 •  I want to make eat healthier in

social situations with unhealthy food available.

•  I eat what my friends eat. •  They will think I’m a girl and I

won’t belong.


example 4 •  I want to engage in lifelong

healthy habits, not fads •  I set unrealistic goals that

assure failure. •  If I succeed I’ll have no

excuses.


what are examples of parts keeping me

stuck?

harm my relational belonging

•  Being rejected •  Avoiding conflict •  Avoiding looking selfish •  Seen as ungrateful •  Not fitting in


harm my status with others

•  Losing respect •  Appearing weak •  Disappointing people •  Letting people down •  Looking like failure


harm my self-worth

•  Feeling worthless •  Feeling like a failure •  Letting myself down •  Don’t deserve to be

happy or successful


harm my identity •  Having to be a different

person •  Having to meet others’

expectations •  Being insignificant •  Unable to be authentic •  Sacrifice part of myself


harm my sense of control

•  Losing free will or choice

•  Being vulnerable •  Being overwhelmed •  Being in chaos


failure •  I will fail •  Letting myself down •  Losing my excuses •  Finding out that I’m not

as good as I think I am


risks to safety •  Weakness •  Illness •  Injury


too few resources •  Not enough time •  Not enough energy •  Sacrifice something I

need


other unmet needs

•  Feeling deprived of enjoyment

•  Missing spontaneity •  Feeling bored


more suffering

•  Loss of way to self-soothe

•  Will have to feel discomfort


coaching demonstration parts who want me to improve

•  parts who don’t want me to improve

•  Hidden beliefs and commitments

•  Shift perspective?

parking lot

Needs & Drives: Body Regulator

Safety Security Stress & recharge Balance Vitality Sustainability

Needs & Drives: Curious Adventurer

Novelty Risk Adventure Change Exploration Zest Sense of wonder

Needs & Drives: Confidence

Competence Strength Power Protect

Needs & Drives: Standard Setter Self-esteem Self-image Measure Evaluate Judge Critique Fairness

Needs & Drives: Relational Love Compassion Nurture Serving others Loyalty Trust Benevolence Belonging

Needs & Drives: Autonomy

Self-determination Self-actualization March to own drummer Authenticity Freedom to choose Control of destiny

Needs & Drives: Creative

Spontaneous Nonlinear thinking Generate ideas Impulsive Play Humor

Needs & Drives: Executive Manager Organize Plan Think through Make decisions Linear analysis Productivity Time management Self-regulating

Needs & Drives: Meaning Maker

Quest for answers Find meaning Identify higher purpose Zoom out to big picture Gratitude

Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO, Wellcoaches Corporation, Co-Founder/Co-Director Institute of Coaching,

Co-Founder, Board member, National Consortium for Credentialing Health and Wellness Coaches

Inner Family & Immunity to Change

let’s savor milestone · 2016-12-06 · Margaret Moore, aka Coach Meg, MBA Founder/CEO,...

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