My journey to living & working authentically…

"If there is one thing I

believe more than I believe

anything else, it's that

you can't fake the core, the

truth that lives there will

eventually win out. It‘s

a god we must obey, a force

that brings us all inevitably

to our knees". - Quote from Cheryl Strayed, Author of “Wild: From lost to found on the Pacific Crest Trail”.

Cheryl Strayed book, “Wild”, tells the story of her 3 month pilgrimage hiking solo from Mexico to Canada along the Sierra Nevadas. 

When I experience stories that involve people finding their courage to face and examine their lives like Cheryl -  it inspires me. 

It moved me to think deeper about the concepts of authenticity, finding the truth and meaning in my own life – and ultimately…to share this story of my search.

Who am I?!!

No one. I am not an expert.  I haven't written any books on the subject and I haven't done anything extraordinary like hike the Pacific Crest Trail by myself. 

Why share my story? Who the hell do I think I am?

I felt compelled though…

…against all the voices in my head telling me NOT to do this…

…to face my fear….

…and share with you my story about finding truth.

It involves my unlikely conversion to Judaism….

How it happened, why I decided to do it…

…and the perspective and lessons it has brought me in my life. 

Ultimately, the underlying message is not about Judaism or religion even – but rather finding  a path, any path that can lead to examining one’s life, seeking the truth to live and work authentically. And even those of us (like me) that are not extraordinary – we can find our paths as well…

A bit of background to my story first…

I was born to parents of German/English descent. 

White, Anglo-Saxon and protestant. 

Humble, unpretentious, hardworking people - that experienced the depression in and all of harshness that went with it.

My Parents wanted a better life for me and my two older sisters, without life's hardships and problems.

But like everyone, we had our problems, our issues, - and we swept them under the rug.  We didn't deal with the truth if it was uncomfortable. 

We pretended everything was fine – even when it wasn’t.

Since I was young though – I have been inspired by anything genuine. Anything perceived  true to its own spirit and essence. 

This is true of most people, but perhaps because of the communication difficulties in my home – I was obsessed with it. 

I was keenly aware and looked for it everywhere.  In stories, in books, in photos, in music, in films, in people. And in nature – where everything is always genuine, authentic and raw. 

Upon Reflection – I feel my life has always been marked with seeking out honest encounters, asking questions and getting as close to the truth as possible. 

.

So fast forward to the late 90’s…

…I’m living in NYC, which is not an accident….

…I absolutely love the raw, directness, almost rudeness of Nyers!!

…getting ready to marry my now husband of almost 15 years, when I was confronted by a new co-worker I had taken to lunch.  She asked me a question I wasn’t expecting. 

… She said, “I hear you are getting married next month and are converting to Judaism.  Is your fiancé making you convert?  I asked if she wanted to hear a quick answer or if she wanted to hear the story, the truth as to why. 

She said, “I’m Jewish, I know nothing about my faith.  I’m interested”. …And this is what I told her…

“Growing up, I never felt inclined toward religion. 

I was brought up going to Church.  I had exposure unlike others that didn’t feel religiously connected. 

I had a spiritual sense of things from the time I was small. 

I had a compassion for people at a very young age – even if they differed greatly from me. 

But organized religion, blind faith, the inability to ask questions or confront  things – like in my own family – left me empty.   At least this was my personal experience.”

“In the beginning, I knew I loved Jeff and immediately recognized that he had an ancestry with powerful ties and family traditions handed down.  I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and envisioned the family we would one day have together. 

If Jeff felt so strongly about his culture and religion – whereas I did not – I was open to knowing more – for him and for us.  

We went to our Intro to Judaism class together – but I was skeptical.  I questioned everything as usual.  Jeff picked up on this and was confused – wondering if this signified my lack of interest in becoming Jewish.  I was confused. 

How could I become Jewish if I was not born Jewish?  How could I become Jewish if the only way for a convert is through the religious doorway and I did not believe in organized religion? ”

“Going to class each week I learned the basic concepts of Judaism, received an intro to Hebrew, learned about Shabbat, the high holy days, the torah and Jewish History. I took in everything in like a student would.  My experience was about learning – but there was no personal connection.  Jeff and I looked for my converting Rabbi together. 

Actually – Jeff did it all. 

He made all of the inquiries, phone calls and finally connected with an incredible Rabbi.  When we sat down for the first time – he made it abundantly clear that in order for us to work together, I would need to be committed to the process and be extremely honest with both myself and him. 

I was scared. But I knew I could be honest.

I didn’t know if I could make the commitment.  I had conflicted feelings about religion.  I told Jeff that in order to through the whole process…I would have to find personal meaning.  ”

 ”I didn’t think for a moment that it was going to be possible.  That very 1st meeting 1 on 1 with the Rabbi, I expressed all of my doubts, skepticism and problems with organized religion.  Rather than throw me out of his office (which is what I expected), he told me that Judaism does not ask you to give up your questions or deny your doubt.  He said…

Faith is not the starting point of the journey… Uncertainty is not the enemy of religion or spiritual growth…Doubt is what fuels the journey… 

And this where my personal journey began…  

As I’ve grown older – my instincts are still strong in who I am, how to be a good person and how to live my life.  However, every day pressures of life have caused me to disconnect. 

It is so easy to get caught up in the grind of everyday life and lose your perspective and inspiration. I realized there was something here for me….”

“My Rabbi embraced my skepticism, doubt and had me read the Torah – something I thought I would never do. 

I never thought I could find meaning in my own personal life from an ancient text!  But what I learned gave me perspective and inspiration! 

The literal translations of the text – teaches that life is a passionate struggle of honest soul searching. 

The story of the Jewish people begins and concludes outside the promised land.  The very first words God utters to the very first Jews are Lekh-Lekha – get up and move.  

God tells Abraham that his life as a Jew needs to be a gradual journey towards the promised Land.  But that journey will not be easy.  

He tells him to leave his homeland, the land of his fathers, the land in which he is comfortable and where he feels he belongs and go to a land that is not yet his, about which he knows little and that might provoke tremendous fear in him.”

 

There are many messages that I found in these stories that I related to my life….

…and here is what I learned…

First  - Each of begins our adult spiritual journey unsatisfied - not where we ultimately wish to be.

Second - We cannot expect fulfillment to be simple or mechanical.  We will have to risk.

Third - Our journey will not only be difficult but lengthy.  Do not expect instant gratification.

Four - Never expect to feel, at any given moment that you have arrived.  The magic & power is in the "quest".   

The value is in the struggle….  

I believe that finding a religion, any religion – that helps you examine things in your life – be it running, be it music, be it writing or going on a pilgrimage – anything that makes you take risks, face uncomfortable truths, contemplate, meditate, deal with things head on, and be 100% truthful and real – will bring depth and meaning to your life.

 

This is not just about compartmentalized life from work.  It includes work.

 To be human, authentic and real at work – inspires, empowers as well as delivers real answers to real problems…. 

It makes the team believe they can deliver the impossible and then they do. This approach brings the best breakthroughs, team work and spirit. 

To be allowed to be authentic and be truthful is so incredibly important. 

It ultimately allows all of us to make the move from good to great. 

To make a difference and an impact in our own lives and others.

It's true what they say, the truth will always set you free.

Thank you for listening.

- Jen Burak