Lessons in Personal Change

8/8/2019 Lessons in Personal Change

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Powerful Lessons in Personal

Change


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PARADIGMS

A general agreement or belief of howA general agreement or belief of how

the world worksthe world works


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Paradigm - How do we see

things? The lens we all wear

We all see things through our own Paradigms, which are ourown ways of thinking.

We may not know the paradigm exists, like contact lens. We think

what we see is objective. But it may not be.

Our unique experience creates the lens

Family

Education

Environment

Culture


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Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet

both be right.


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Whats the biggest problem you

are facing? At work

In family

Relationship Health

Time

Meaning of life

Death


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Everybody has one

I am having tremendous professional success, but its cost mepersonal and family life.

I know Im overweight. I tried all the ways without success.

My employees are always waiting for me to give them orders.I am tired of that.

I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day,seven days a week.

My kid wont listen to me anymore

There is no love in my marriage. We dont feel it anymore.


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The way we SEE the problem is the

problem Its out there. Its the problem of the others. We look at the symptoms and ignore the root cause

We expect some magic techniques and quick fixes. The realsolution may be a long process and require significant efforts

Examples:

Employees lack of loyalty

Marriage without love

Always busy, but little accomplished


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Paradigm shift - See things

differently Paradigm shift is powerful Fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviors

The only way for us to make significant and quantumchanges Science

From Earth center to Sun center

Society From Kings to Democracy

Life Life threatening crisis

Step into a new role


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Inside-out

Start with yourself

Paradigms

Characters

Motives

Private victory precedes public victory

Keep promise to ourselves before to others

Improve ourselves before improve the relationships

Work on our characters before work on personalities


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Inside-out examples

To have a good marriage Help in daily tasks

Frequent appreciation

Understand his/her interests and motives

To have a pleasant, cooperative teenager More understanding

Empathic

Consistent

Loving

To have more freedom, more latitude in your job Be more responsible

More helpful

More contributing


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The Paradigm Change Process

Its a continuing renewal process

No quick fixes. No shortcutNo quick fixes. No shortcut

The heights of greatThe heights of greatmen were notmen were notachieved by suddenachieved by suddenflightflight

-- AristotleAristotle


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The journey of a thousand

miles begins with a single step


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HABIT

A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of

behavior that is acquired through frequent

repetition.

An established nature of the mind or

character


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We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, therefore, is not an act,but a habit

- Aristotle


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HABIT 1

BE PROACTIVE


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Proactive

Acting in advance to deal with an expected

change or difficulty

Being anticipatory so as to look or plan ahead


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Responsibility

Response ability

The ability to choose your response


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Stimulus

(event)

Response

(behaviour)

Our choice onsequence(how the event

affects us)

Natural law


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Examples

S Due to obesity, you feel lethargic and lessenergetic

R Ive tried dieting in the past, it doesnt workfor me; my body structure is such that I puton weight easily; I dont have time to cook

healthy food at home; numb out (internet, tv,shopping)

C You stay obese and unhealthy


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Examples

S Due to obesity, you feel lethargic and lessenergetic

R Do something about it; Others have done it, Ican too; baby steps towards a healthierlifestyle; reduce that 1 coke which you takeafter lunch

C You get small successes, and motivated bythem, you move on to achieve your goal


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Examples

S A challenging assignment comes up at work

R There are senior people also, why should I volunteer;

I know I cant do it, Im not that smart and

hardworking; the last time I wasnt given proper

credit for my work, so I wont bother this time

C You miss out on growth opportunities as well as on

finding your capabilities


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Examples

S A challenging assignment comes up at work

R This is a perfect opportunity to showcase my skills

and talent; if I can do this, it will be a great additionto my CV

C You take the assignment with the right attitude and

effort, and grow personally as well as professionally


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Examples

S I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day

R Am I working on priorities or on to-do lists? How

will this help me achieve my goals? Can I delegatesome of this work? Can I talk to my boss to give me

some advise in this matter?

C You work on important stuff, achieve more in less

time, and get ample leisure period


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Examples

S You are stuck in the same job at the same post for a long

time

R Im not as smart as others in this company; the companyvalues only good talkers and not hard-workers; I will do

just my share of job and show no initiatives; there is no

use learning new stuff since it wont be noticed by my

boss anyway, basically, you COMPLAIN

C You stagnate and pretty soon life feels hopeless and

empty. You are just existing, not living


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Examples

S You are stuck in the same job at the same post for a long

time

R Why is it that some people are moving ahead of me while I

remain here; I will read articles and books related to my field;

I will develop one new business skill this year; you seek

counseling from a trusted senior/mentor

C You get noticed, you are given slightly more responsibility,your experience and knowledge helps your boss in running

the business better, your value is realized you get promoted


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Examples

S Employees/team-members are not motivated

R They are just a bunch of dumbos, its no use trying

to motivate them; I tried a few times but they arenot interested; this is the way things have been

always, it wont change now

C The team remains demotivated, performs below

par, your productivity suffers as a result of being part

of the team


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Examples

S Employees/team-members are not motivated

R What is the reason no skills? No opportunities?

No guidance? No reward system?; what steps can Itake to increase their motivation level; talk to them

individually to find out the problem

C The team opens up to you and you build mutual

respect; if gaps are filled the motivation improves;

productivity soars


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Not until you can sayI am what I am today

because of the choices I

made yesterday

... can you say

I choose otherwise.


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People are always blaming their

circumstances for what theyare. I dont believe in

circumstances. The people who

get on in this world are thepeople who get up and look for

the circumstances they want,

and, if they cant find them,

make them.

George Bernard Shaw


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The decisions you make in

todays circumstance are thedefining factor in what your

circumstances will be in the

future

You do this by deciding to overcome todays

circumstances no matter what they are


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Easier said than done

DOESNT GET YOU

OUT OF THE

RESPONSIBILITY


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Myth about circumstances

Myth : My circumstances prevent me from doing

what I want to do

Law: A circumstance is a fact. A circumstance

with an opinion is an excuse


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Circumstance

A condition or fact attending an event and

having some bearing on it


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RATIONALIZATION

Allows us to work our way OUT of the

circumstance, rather than standing up and

facing the circumstance and doing something

about it

BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO STOPDOING IT. NOW


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Not take NO for an answer


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Its not a matter of working harder - Its a

matter of working until it gets done. Period.

Facts (circumstances) are not supposed to

prevent action, but they do because of the

emotion we attach to them.


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EXERCISE


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Be Proactive

Proactive people:

Are responsible for their own actions

Are conscious of their own decisions and theconsequences of those decisions

Do not blame circumstances, conditions or people for theirbehavior

Do not use statements like Its not my fault if

I just couldnt help it

If only I had more time/money/resources

Avoid being REACTIVE


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HABIT 2

BEGIN WITH THE END

IN MIND


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Stimulus

(event)

Response

(behaviour)

Our choice onsequence

(how the event

affects us)

Natural law


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You cannot choose your response

unambiguously until you are clear on

what you want


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Which road do I take? Alice

Where do you want to go? Cat

I don't know - Alice"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter


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So hat do YOU ant ?


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Goals and Goal Programmes

Everybody has a goal even alcoholics doGoal programme

1. Objective

2. Benefits (cant sell on price)

3. Skills

4. Obstacles

5. Ppl to work with

6. Plan of action

7. Completion date


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Why are you here?

What is your purpose in life?


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Set your goals TODAY

Write them down


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Lifelong goals

To live the most authentic and fulfilling life

possible

To connect to and fully express the divine

within me

To touch others lives and to help them

achieve their highest potential

To be better tomorrow from what I was

yesterday


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Once you have set your macro (lifetime) goals,

you can then work towards micro (short term)

goals

Physical goal

Financial goal

Professional goal

Emotional goal

Personal goal

Leisure/travel goals


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Some guidelines

You are not stuck with your goals

The very process of choosing goals brings up

emotional resistance depression,

overwhelmed, numbing out

Start with simple, obvious goals

Write goals for each category

Write down whatever comes to mind

loosens you up


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Goals should be in alignment with each other

Now write goals for next week, month, 6

months

KEEP IT REALISTIC!!! Comfort, stretch and

panic zones

REVIEW, REVISE, RECREATE


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Failure will happendont freak out!


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As will successcelebrate it!!


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We must accept finite disappointment, but

we must never lose infinite hope- Martin Luther King Jr.


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Learning to be helpless

THE SHUTTLEBOX EXPERIMENT


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Experiment repeated with humans with

SAME RESULTS

But, one out of every three DID NOT

become helpless

Went trying on and on regardless of what

others did


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Fierce curiosity

Who gives up and who doesnt?

Who prevails and who succumbs?

WHY?


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PERMANENT (Pessimistic) TEMPORARY (Optimistic)

Diets never work Diets dont work when youalways eat out

You always complain You complain when I dont do

my share of work

The boss never appreciates me The boss is in a bad mood

today

Im always busy and pressured

and given too much work

The SALE is on and we need to

make the most of this time


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UNIVERSAL (Pessimistic) SPECIFIC (Optimistic)

Im not attractive enough Im not his/her type

I can never keep promises to

anyone

I generally keep my promises,

but this time I wasnt able to

My boss is a bastard, my team is

lazy, my wife fights with me. My

whole life is a failure

Things are not going well at

work right now, but my personal

life is good my wife loves me

and I enjoy with my friends

Books are useless This book is not good


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Common traits of pessimists

Blame their failures on their lack of ability

and their worthlessness

Cannot get started on any but the most

routine tasks and give up easily when

impeded

Are inattentive and dont pay attention to

the crucial cues that signal reward or safety

Lose interest in usual activities life seems

drab and boring


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GOOD NEWS Pessimist

explanatory style can bechanged, and

permanently


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STEP 2 Get contrary

evidence


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STEP 3 Make different

explanations


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STEP 4 Distract from

depressing thoughts

STEP 5 Question your


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STEP 5 Question your

assumptions I cant live without love

Love is precious but rare

If my work is not perfect, Im a failure

Success is doing my best

I have to be in the good books of everyone

For every one person that likes me, two will dislike

me


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HABIT 3

PUT FIRST THINGS

FIRST


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urgent not urgent

important

I: necessity

crises

deadlines

maintaining(25 - 25)

II: opportunity

PC activities

planning & prevention

commitment(65-15)

III

interruptions

some meetings

some reports(5-55)

IV

trivia

busy work

time wasters(5-5)

We want Quadrant II > Quadrant I.

Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV.

Not important


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Dont confuse Important with Urgent

Urgent is easy to see. But

Important is what gives RESULTS


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Habit 3 ... The 80/20 rule

1 Identify big rocks (Q2).

2 Schedule these FIRST!

3 Surround with other.


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You cannot manage time

You can only manage youractions


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Re-examine your workload


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Delegate

Delegation is not DUMPING


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Minimize interruptions


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Take care of your health


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Quit making excuses


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FINALLY

Periodically review/modify your

schedule and priorities

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