February 2015 Page 1 of 8

Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter Newsletter

February 2015

The mission statement of The Compassionate Friends: When a child dies, at any age, the family

suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly

personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a

brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. (Adopted 2-

25-2012)

The vision statement of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and

everyone who finds us will be helped.

National Chapter: TCF National Office

P.O. Box 3696

Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696

Tel. (630) 990-0010

Toll free (877) 969-0010

Online resources & e-mail

www.compassionatefriends.org

Oklahoma Area Coordinator:

Richard Szczepaniak

Local Chapter: Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter

P.O. Box 3575

Lawton, OK 73502

tcflawtonftsill@gmail.com

Phone: (580)215-3479

Chapter Leader: Georgia Smith

580-284-7181

Newsletter Editor: Gina Hawkey

ginatcf@gmail.com

Secretary & Children’s Memorial Garden

Chairperson: Linda Owens

Treasurer: Goody Tendall

Librarian & CMG Christmas Decoration

Chairperson: Ed Mayfield

Outreach PR: Julie Mayfield

Outreach: Brenda Sippel

Hospitality: Sheryl Mather

Meetings are held the first Thursday of

each month.

6:30 – 8:30 P.M.

Meetings will be held at Lawton First

Church of the Nazarene Fellowship Hall

located at 1402 NW Arlington Ave.

Entrance is in back of parking lot off

of 14th Street.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Topic: Sharing Session

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Upcoming Events:

Indian Taco Fundraiser

Friday, March 7, 2015

Lawton First Church of the Nazarene

1402 NW Arlington Ave.

Walk to Remember

Saturday, April 4, 2015

10:00 A.M.

Elmer Thomas Park

Indian Taco Fundraiser

Friday, May 1, 2015

February 2015 Page 2 of 8

Feb. 10 Sean Kyle

Son of Carole Kyle

Feb. 17 Jani Marie Hawkey

Daughter of Gina Hawkey Granddaughter of Veda & Lewis

Hawkey

Feb. 19 Leon Lee Burnett

Son of Jennifer Burnett

Feb. 21 Jimmy Dale Bennett, Jr.

Son of Jimmy & Merry Bennett Grandson of Viola Stamper

Feb. 24

Mitchell Reid Williams Son of Marilyn Esadorah Williams

Feb. 25

Michael Emery Lindley

Son of David & Wendi Lindley

Feb. 10

Wesley Tatum Lasher Son of Arnold & Linda Owens

Feb. 14

Rodney T. Cornegay Son of Maxine Cornegay

Feb. 20

Lisa Maree Myers Daughter of Violet Aitson

Feb. 22

Anthony L. Fonseca

Son of Daisy Christian

Dear Friends, It is our desire to remember our children on their special days. If I make any

mistakes I sincerely apologize & would appreciate it being brought to my attention. Thank you,

Gina

Our Children Remembered…Never Forgotten

Birthdays Angelversaries

February 2015 Page 3 of 8

Chapter Corner:

Hello, I am Georgia Smith. My husband, Kenny, and I have lived in Comanche County for 20 years. I am a military veteran and now work as a social worker for the Department of Human Services. We have two children. Our daughter Mikayla, left this world on May 7, 2013, she was three months shy of turning 19 at the time. Our son, Nicholas, is 16. We are forever changed by the loss of Mikayla and are taking it one day at a time. I was so blessed to find the Compassionate Friends, and cannot imagine how I would have fared without this group. I am honored to be the new leader for the Lawton Ft. Sill Chapter; I love this group of leadership and consider them family. I hope to be able to meet you all at some point. I wish you all a year of healing and peace.

Sincerely, Georgia

If you would like to receive the newsletter by

email, please send me a message at ginatcf@gmail.com.

Also, if you have a story, poem, or any contribution for the newsletter please send it. I can be contacted either by email

ginatcf@gmail.com or by snail mail at 15907 SE Woodlawn Rd

Lawton, OK 73501. I will include as much as I can each month. Gina

Loving Listeners:

(when you need a friend to talk to)

Suicide: Carolyn (580) 492-6388

Sudden Death: Goody (580) 678-9024

Adult Child: Glenda (580) 529-2879

Miscarriage/Infant Death: Dottie (580) 583-5143

Murder: Kathy (580) 699-2473

Birthday Table In the month of your child’s birthday, a Birthday

Table is provided where you can share photos,

mementos, your child’s favorite snack or a

birthday cake, a bouquet of flowers – anything

you’d like to bring to share. We want to know

your child better, so please take advantage of

this opportunity to celebrate the wonderful day

your child was born.

February 2015 Page 4 of 8

Gifts of Love Thank you: Sheryl Mather for bringing refreshments to the January meeting in memory of her son Michael’s Birthday. The family of Jani Hawkey for sponsoring the newsletter. A love gift is a gift of money to the Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. It is usually in honor of a child who has died, but it can also be from individuals who want to honor a relative or friend who has died, a gift of thanksgiving that their own children are alive and well, or simply a gift from someone who wants to help in the work of our chapter. All chapters within TCF are totally dependent on funds from our families. We DO NOT receive funds from our National Office. Everything we need to operate our chapter is paid directly from our local resources and our local family contributions. Thank you to all who contribute and support your local chapter.

Love Gifts should be made payable to: T C F Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter and mailed to:

T C F Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter PO Box 3575 Lawton, OK.73502

We will be having 2 Indian Tacos Fundraisers. The first will be on Friday, March 7th at the church and the other one on Friday, May 1. If you have some time on those days, please help us deliver orders.

We would appreciate any help. The fundraisers will be to help support the members that are traveling to the National Conference in Dallas in July, the healing workshops, the Candle Light Ceremony and the Walk to Remember.

Our Walk to Remember will be April 4th at Elmer Thomas Park, starting at 10:00AM, with refreshments at the conclusion. The Walk to Remember is a way to honor your child and also raise

money for the regular upkeep of the chapter and our mission of outreach. Friends and family are encouraged to walk with you and everyone is encouraged to collect pledges. I will include the pledge

sheets in the March newsletter. If you would like it sooner, email me and I will send it. We also have Walk to Remember T-Shirts for $15.00.

If you would like your child’s pictures added to the back,

it is an additional $5.00. Deadline for pictures to be

added is March 15th. We have a limited number of

previous versions of the shirts for $10.00.

We still offer Sponsorship for the newsletter. This help with the cost of printing and mailing the

newsletter. Our chapter members have an opportunity to remember their child, sibling or grandchild

by sponsoring an edition of our newsletter. For $25.00 we will dedicate up to one page. All you need

to do is write something about your child, your grief journey, a special memory or experience or

submit a story or poem that especially touched you. Please include the source and author’s name. You

may include pictures and/or quotes. Send payment to TCF Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter PO Box 3575

Lawton OK 73502. If you can email picture, stories, etc. send them to ginatcf@gmail.com or mail

them to Gina Hawkey 15907 SE Woodlawn Rd. Lawton OK 73501. Please send information before the

15th of the month before (for example: if you want to sponsor the March newsletter, I need

everything before the 15th of February.)

February 2015 Page 5 of 8

The Pit of Grief The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life, waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing she is gone forever. The pit is full

of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to think. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.

Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before

their eyes, not understanding what’s taking me so long to emerge. After all...in their eyes, I’ve been in the pit for quite some time. Yet, in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.

Not all of my pre-grief friends gathered at the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly, they climb ahead of me,

waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes. Then there are the casual acquaintances (or maybe even family members), you know, the ones who say, “Hi, how are you?” when they really don’t

care or really don’t want to know. These people are the people who sighed in relief that it was my child who died and not theirs. You know, the “better you, not me” attitude.

My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief.

They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need strength. They have no

expectations, no memories, and no recollections of how I “should” be. They want me to heal, to smile more often and find joy in life. But they’ve also accepted the person I’ve become: the “Person” who is

emerging from the pit. Cindy Early, November 1999

From the “old” web page MISS (Mothers in Sympathy and Support) Lovingly borrowed from the newsletter of The Compassionate Friends,

Seattle-King County, WA, July 2001

To All Bereaved Parents . . .

I am a recovering bereaved parent. I was a parent by choice. One of my children died; I became a bereaved parent, certainly not by choice. As I tried to recapture the security of what was, after many agonizing months, I would always hurt and miss my dead son, and that, ultimately, only I could be responsible for recovering this hateful disease called grief. I had to make the choice of being a bereaved parent or a recovering bereaved parent. I chose the latter. I sometimes fall off the wagon, and I know that I always will. The love of my child will never leave me, but thank God for being a recovering bereaved parent. It does take time, however, so don’t give up on yourself. It may take more or less time for some others. Be patient.

Eunice Guy TCF Atlanta, GA

February 2015 Page 6 of 8

Groundhog Day

According to folklore, every year on this day, a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil, in a little town by

the same name in Pennsylvania, wakes from his winter slumber, rises from his cozy little burrow and gazes

about at his surroundings. Legend has it that if he doesn’t see his shadow, he shakes himself off and

ventures out to welcome an early spring. If he sees his shadow, he becomes frightened and quickly

retreats down his hole to safety where he goes back to sleep and the winter weather continues. This year

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, thus predicting another six more weeks of winter. When we lose a

child, we seem to linger in a perpetual winter. For a very long time we see our world as a barren winter

landscape. The warmth and love that our children brought to our hearts has been ripped away by their

death and we’re left with a cold aching void. We are a little like Punxsutawney Phil. We might be afraid to

come to our first Compassionate Friends meeting. We may want to hide from the world and stay in our

burrows. But if we are very brave and come to a meeting, we will meet others who have survived the

long cold winter of their hearts. We gather to share our stories, support each other, love each other and

very slowly we begin to and rejoin life as best we can. Remember, we need not walk alone.

Janet G. Reyes

TCF/AAC

LOVE IS IMMORTAL

Many of us will resent the lengthening of time between our child's life and our own present. Others may welcome

the increasing distance in the hope that time itself will be a balm to pain. Yet, all of us perceive, beyond all the

hype and expectations, that new years and seasons are merely calendar events.

Whatever problems we have had in the past will follow us into the present. There is no inner demarcation with

hurting behind and joy ahead.

Each of us has the same opportunities now as we had before. We can permit time to simply pass, or we can work

to mold its passage into constructive growth.

In the deaths of our children we have discovered with certainty that we lack the means to control the most

cherished elements of our lives. But we also know that within each of us is the potential to rise above the

debilitating anguish we have experienced.

Time continues to move forward and most of us have been too damaged to even play the games of resolutions

and dance the rites of spring. We are beyond the futility of such exercises. But, let us each confront this moment

and time with an inward commitment to recovery, to living the hours which comprise our existence with the fullness

and love of which we are capable.

Hurting will ultimately lessen. Pain will slowly become more bearable. Fears and guilt will gradually pass away. But

love, that inner dance of the heart which leaps to our child's name or the memory of an especially close

experience that bears only the mantle of endless joy, will not pass away. All else, fame, fortune, distress and

dismay, wealth and power, even ourselves, will at last be done.

But love…Love is immortal…May the immortality of love grow secure and healthy again within each of us.

Don Hackett Plymouth, MA

From ALIVE ALONE

February 2015 Page 7 of 8

HOPE SHINES BRIGHT ON THE TRAIL TO TREASURE Thursday, July 9, 2015

2:00-5:00 p.m. Hyatt Regency Downtown Dallas

This very special pre-conference event is for those who have lost a loved one to any substance related cause, and who are now ready to search for the treasure that can be found on the trail from despair to hope. It is intended to provide ideas, information and resources on ways to find healing and to move forward, honoring their loved ones by making a difference. Program content is closely connected to the workshops and sharing sessions offered during the main conference, and will include special speakers, music and a memorial observance. This will be a ticketed event, and space will be limited. Please watch the TCF national website and Facebook page, as well as the closed group Substance Related Loss Facebook page for future announcements and details. For more information, contact Chairperson Barbara Allen at: TCF-Barbara@comcast.net

TCF National Conference The Compassionate Friends is pleased to announce that Dallas, Texas, will be the site of the 38th TCF National Conference on July 10-12, 2015. "Hope Shines Bright ... Deep in the Heart" is the theme of this year's event, which promises more of last year's great national Conference experience. The 2015 Conference will be held at the Hyatt Regency Downtown Dallas. The Hyatt Regency Downtown Dallas, 300 Reunion Blvd., Dallas, TX 75207, is now accepting reservations for TCF's National Conference. To make your reservation, please access the following link, which will take you directly to TCF's reservation portal on the Hyatt's website. Conference attendees are receiving a discounted room rate of $129. We anticipate a large attendance for the conference, so we encourage you to make your

reservation as soon as it is convenient for you. https://resweb.passkey.com/go/CompassionateFriends2015 or go to the National website: www.compassionatefriends.org and find information under News & Events.

Volunteers Volunteers are always needed for this very special conference. If you would like to

volunteer, please fill out the Volunteer form or call the National Office at 877.969.0010.

February 2015 Page 8 of 8

I’ve been trying to decide what to say or include. It’s not an easy thing. There is so much I

want to say, so many things I want to include. Trying to decide on what picture to use isn’t easy

either. There are so many that I love, that show the different sides of Jani. Jani may have only spent

14 years on this earth but she packed more into those years than I have in my 40+ years. She was

outgoing, energetic, loving, creative, etc. She took dance lessons starting at the age of 4 & studied

ballet, pointe, tap, jazz & modern. She loved to be on stage and her smile showed it. She had a strong

love of almost all animals and had a special way with them. We would have owned a zoo if she had

her wish. She is the only person I know that trained a duck to sit on her hand until she told it to fly

down & trained it to walk on a leash. She loved being involved in 4-H & made many friends that have

continued to help me and include me in their lives. It’s easy to go on & on about the good things about

Jani but she also had a mischievous side & could push my buttons faster than anyone else. Sometimes

I believe she did it just to see the reaction she would get from me. She loved April Fool’s Day pranks &

trying to scare me at Halloween.

Jani really loved her family & her friends!!! Holidays were special to her because she knew the

family would be together. A favorite memory is a trip to OKC for a concert of Trans Siberian Orchestra.

It was Jani, me, my mom, 2 of Jani’s aunts & 1 uncle. We had dinner & had time to spare so we went

to a thrift store that was near the restaurant. Jani & I loved to shop in thrift stores & at garage sales.

While shopping she came to me with a big smile & told me she found a shirt she wanted. She held up

a black shirt with the words “My mom rocks” in pink glittery letters. She asked me to buy her the shirt

& how could I refuse! I loved seeing her wear that shirt! I loved that she wanted to spend time with

me & did at every opportunity. Even when she didn’t agree with my rules or decisions she never said

hurtful things to me or told me to go away.

Jani was fearless & made friends wherever she went. She also had a forgiving nature. These

are three qualities that I wish I had!! She loved to climb rock walls, rode a mechanical bull every

chance she got, etc. She made friends with the mascot for the Cavalry basketball team that was in

Lawton for a few years. She got up on stage to dance with a band performing at Remington Park. She

loved life & made the most of it. I think of this daily & know this is what she would want for me & I am

taking small steps towards that. Unfortunately, I let my grief & my injuries make me take more steps

backward than I take forward but each year I feel I am making progress. I won’t stop until I make my

goal of being more like my daughter!! She was my inspiration then & continues to be. I will always

love you & remember you, Jani Marie!!!

Love Mom (aka Gina) (this is what Jani would

write on my birthday cakes!!)

This newsletter is sponsored in

Loving Memory of

Jani Hawkey