Lake of Lotus (35)-The Profound Abstruseness of Life and Death-The Meaning of NDEs (35)-By Vajra...

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The Profound Abstruseness of

Life and Death

What is Your Most Wanted Thing When You Come Across a Major Crisis?

How to Express your Genuine Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?

Excerpt of Last Chapter: VariousReasons on the Formation of Different

Scenes at the “Moment of Death”

The “scenes at the moment of death” can be roughly classified in

the following categories in accord with the varieties of the “main

causes” and “auxiliary conditions”:

1. The “Separation of the Four Elements” – the “main cause” (the

internal “consciousness” and “sub-consciousness”, including

all kinds of memories) conjoins with the “auxiliary conditions”

(the ‘Separation of the Four Elements’ in the external circum-

stances) in forming the “scenes at the moment of death” (please

refer to the articles on “The Meaning of Near-death Experienc-

es” in Issues 8 and 20 of the “Lake of Lotus”).

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By Vajra Master Pema Lhadren

Translated by Simon S.H. Tang

Issue no.35 Back to Content





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2. The “Endorphins Inside the Brain” – the “main

cause” (the internal “consciousness” and “sub-

consciousness”) conjoins with the “auxiliary con-

ditions” (the “endorphins inside the brain” of the

external circumstances) in forming the “scenes at

the moment of death” (please refer to the article

on “The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in

Issue 21 of the “Lake of Lotus”).

3. The “Karmic Forces” – the “main cause” (the in-

ternal “consciousness” and “sub-consciousness”)

conjoins with the “auxiliary conditions” (the “kar-

mic forces” of the external circumstances) in form-

ing the “scenes at the moment of death”. This can

be further classified into the following two kinds:

i. Wholesome Ones – arising from: (a) virtuous

retributions (please refer to the article on “The

Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue

21 of the “Lake of Lotus”); and (b) the efforts of

one’s Dharma practice (the main theme of this

article in this issue).

ii. Unwholesome Ones – arising from: (a) vicious

retributions; and (b) the forces of karmic credi-

tors in seeking compensations on one’s karmic

debts.

According to the records of different surveys, most ofthe dying people had seen the following scenes:

1. Protectors or avengers: (i) good ones – saw kith and

kin who had passed away, unknown protectors,

deities or Buddhas coming to fetch for oneself

(ii) bad ones – being besieged by a crowd of fero-

cious persons or beasts, and going along in

company with groups of people who looked

confused.

2. Strange places: (i) good ones – saw pavilions, bal-

conies, buildings, flower fields, rivers, light zones,

towns or cities.

(ii) bad ones – saw wilderness, forests, darkness,

caverns, hells.

3. Messy Issues that cannot be recalled clearly.

How would the Buddhist point of view comment on

these phenomena? According to the Buddhist teach-

ings, it was said that rebirth would take place within

forty-nine days after a person has passed away, then

why would a dying person see the kith and kin who

had passed away long time ago still coming to fetch

for him or her? Why had not the kith and kin taken re-

births after so many years posthumously? Are the ap-

pearances of these deceased persons merely the illu-

sions of the person who is going to die? Or were they

really true? Are there any other reasons? Are those

strange places the destinations where they are going

to be reborn into? Under what circumstances would

the normal rebirth of a dying person be negatively en-

cumbered? Is there any way to help a deceased per-son to avert sufferings

and elevate to a better

place of rebirth?

Human beings have

four kinds of condi-

tions of conscious-

ness (please refer

to the article “The

Wisdom in Directing

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the dying patients respond to the “transforma-

tion of consciousness” and change of “scenes at

the moment of death” for guiding the emotions and

spiritual direction of the dying patients? Could the

“transformation of consciousness” and the change of

“scenes at the moment of death” be complementary

to each other? Furthermore, the “disintegration of the

Four Elements” of the physical body also affects the

“transformation of consciousness”, as well as on the

change of the “scenes at the moment of death”.

Hence, how should one support and provide guid-

ance to a dying patient in order to reduce or resolve

the predicament from these problems?

What is the Ultimate Assistancein the First Stage of Approaching

Death?

The care-givers, kin and kith and professional

counselors should perform the following steps when a

dying person is approaching the “first stage of death”:

1. Accepting and Understanding

2. Listening and Observing

3. Analyzing and Adopting

4. Leading Out and Guiding In

5. Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus

One’s Dharma Practice” in Issue 26 of the “Lake of

Lotus”) as follows:

1. Betaßwaves – the “conscious condition” of daily living;

2. Alpha a waves – the relaxed “consciousness condi-

tion”, such as in entering into the elementary stage

of ‘visualization”, or at the first stage of “mentalconcentration”; or the condition when the “spiritual

body” is slowly separating from the “physical body”;

3. Theta O waves – the peaceful “conscious condi-

tion” of having entered into higher levels of

“visualization”, or at the deeper levels of “mental

concentration”;

4. Delta δ waves – slow “conscious condition” of not

having any dreams, and in a stage of slow-wave

deep sleep.

In fact, how does the arising of the different stages

in approaching death and its “transformation of con-

sciousness” affect the thoughts and behaviors of

dying patients? What are their relationships with the

“scenes at the moment of death”? How should

the family and kin and kith who take care of

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The key points of applica-

tion and their importance

on the issues of “Accepting

and Understanding” and

“Listening and Observing”

had been clearly high-

lighted in the cases of the

previous chapters (please

refer to the articles on “The

Meaning of Near-death Ex-

periences” in Issues 29-30

of the “Lake of Lotus”), as

well as on the issue of “Ana-

lyzing and Adopting” by

the dying persons (please refer to the article on “The

Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in Issue 31 ofthe “Lake of Lotus”) have been clearly explained.

To most people, the issues of “Accepting and Un-

derstanding” and “Listening and Observing” are not

difficult to do and it is relatively easy to carry out un-

der the call of “love” and with one’s wisdom. Not too

many skills will be required. Even though a person

has never learned of the relevant know-how, nor have

received any such relevant training, he or she canstill spontaneously provide proper care or resolve

various problems for the seriously-ill persons, or dy-

ing patients.

However, the quality and depth of the resolution to

a problem would be inadequate or imperfect, due

to the lack of relevant know-how or training by the

participants. In order that both the care-giving fam-

ily members and the dying patients do not have re-

morse which will be too late to repent later on, but

only ultimate offering in farewell with a “heart-to-heart

connection and having no trace of regret”, the follow-

ing three steps should be included in the issues that

must be done when a dying patient is approaching

the “first stage of death”.

There are at least two parts to the issue of “Analyzing

and Adopting” in the third step. The first part of “Ana-

lyzing and Adopting” is to be directed by a dy-

ing patient, while the second part of “Analyz-

ing and Adopting”, which is to be directed by

the care-givers, kin and kith and professional

counselors , have already been discussed in

the previous two chapters (please refer to the

articles on “The Meaning of Near-death Expe-

riences” in Issues 32 and 33 of the “Lake of

Lotus”). The fourth step on “Leading Out and

Guiding In” has already been discussed in

the last chapter (please refer to the article on

“The Meaning of Near-death Experiences” in

Issue 34 of the “Lake of Lotus”). Now, we are

going to discuss the fifth step on “Accompa-

nying with Unspoken Consensus”.

What is Your Most Wanted Thing

When You Come Across a Major

Crisis?

When a person comes across a major crisis, some

expectations will certainly arise from oneself. Besides

some vague wishes, it is crucial that some pragmatic

needs should be satisfied which would are more

significant to them. For instances, when a persongets cancer, the most needed thing would be that

someone is caring about him, understanding him,

accepting him, making company with him and assist-

ing him to go through the proper treatments.

Therefore, a care-taker

must stand by the side

of the patient and un-

derstand what is the

patient’s most wanted

thing. At the same time

of understanding, the

care-taker would best

be able to develop a re-

lationship on the issue

of “Accompanying with

Unspoken Consensus”

with the patient. There

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are a few key points in the development of such kind

of a relationship:

(1) On the same camp of companionship – compris-

ing of

a) Listen to the patient empathically,

b) Express the empathic feelings as personal

experience to the patient,

c) Pass on the message of accepting, under-

standing and tribute with genuineness.

(2) Unspoken Consensus from Heart to Heart – com-

prising of

a) Develop Unspoken Consensus – under reason-able circumstances, carry out more welcome

behaviors to the patient,

b) Express Unspoken Consensus – with the attitude

to express feelings that the patient recognizes

and considers as of same direction,

c) Coordinate Unspoken Consensus – when

deviation appears, employ proper approach

to coordinate mutual thoughts to shorten the

distance and seek for building of common

ground for unspoken consensus.

(1) In the same camp of companionship -

a) Empathically listen to the voice from the bottom

of the patient’s heart:

When a patient comes to know that he or she is

seriously ill and might not live long, the kind of complicated

emotions would certainly cause confusion in thoughts.

Among which the most commonly-arisen

emotion that is often seen is that “how is my

illness seen in the eyes of others?”. Apathy?

Gloating over the mishap? Grieving excessively?

Giving no weight to it? Paying no attention to it?

Intending to help out but lack of ability? Caring

with genuineness? Providing assistance?

As a patient, he or she would have certain an-

ticipation or viewpoint upon the response of

each and every person. If the response of the

kith and kin differs too much from the anticipa-

tion of the patient, a certain unspeakable feeling of ab-

sence of mutual understanding would result. It would

affect the caring provided by the kith and kin, or the

care-giver, which might worsen the negative emotions

of the patient.

Therefore, kith and kin,

or care-giver, must fig-

ure out a way to develop

a good relationship of

mutual understanding

and trust with the

patient. For the first step,one must listen to the pa-

tient with empathy. The

first thing is to find out

what is the expectation,

or viewpoint, of the pa-

tient upon you. There-

fore, at the same time of

listening to the patient, it

is better to guide him to express to you what is his orher expectation or viewpoint on you.

In fact, this is a rather important step. It is a quick

and effective way of breaking the septum and doubt

among each other. There is a case about a husband

who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Under

the situation of not many alternatives, he decided

to go for naturopathy. Moreover, he thought that the

“fung-sui” of his residence was not good, such that

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ssue no.35 Back to Content





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he ended up with an incurable disease. For the sake

of a slim chance of survival, he expected to live in the

best living environment to cope with the naturopathy.

As such, he proposed to his wife for moving to an-

other residence.

(Remark: “Fung-sui” is a kind of traditional Chinese

metaphysics dealing with the environment, setting,

construction, decoration, etc. in the residence or

graveyard with which, it is believed to be connected

to the fortune, health, wealth and so on of thosepeople concerned.)

It was a pity that the wife firmly refused to move as

she regarded that it was too troublesome to move out.

As a result, the husband declared to the wife, “if you

don’t want to move, I will move out. I will separate

from you and I can take care of myself.” Everybody

has gotten one’s own reasons for doing things. How-

ever, as the kith and kin or care-giver, please keep in

mind that this is a moment of life and death, and so

a person should not merely take one’s own viewpoint

for consideration and keep arguing but not giving

way for any concession. Instead, one should listen to

the patient empathically.

As a patient, if he firmly believes that his disease was

derived from the residence, then the home is definite-

ly the origin of sickness to him and is thus not suit-

able for rehabilitation. This rationale is very simple:

“Dislike” is a sort of negative emotion which would

worsen or accelerate the symptoms. Changing the

residence to a place where the patient likes would

definitely bring a fresh and peaceful feelings to the

patient, which will be good for the recovery of the pa-

tient. Therefore, it is no longer an issue of whether it

is “a superstition or not, or not to be as superstitious

as the patient”. Rather, it is an issue of whether one

is “willing to devote to the patient for his well-being

or not, or whether one really loves the patient or not”.

In avoiding the troubles by refusing the requests of

the patient, which is undoubtedly an expression of

the wife’s behavior that made the patient felt that his

wife did not care about his feelings and situations, but

only cared about her own benefits and standpoints.

To the patient, it was such a gesture of message that

really hurts deep down inside. From the statement he

made, one can deeply feel that he was so desolate,

and was thus thinking, “I don’t need your help. I will

save myself.”

Apparently, the patient didn’t feel being accepted

or sympathized. He had decided to face all those

challenges all by himself in walking alone on the

road. Therefore, during this critical period of life and

death, the kith and kin, or care-giver, should not offer

an opinion or make a decision casually. One should

first listen to the patient empathically. Only then, can

a direction of “companionship” be figured out.

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How to Express your Genuine

Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?

b) Express your empathic feelings as personal

experience to the patient:

After listening to her husband’s heartfelt words, his

wife should have thought of the following points:

1. How should I vent out his unfolded emotions at the

present moment?

2. How should I convey the message that his emo-

tional exposure is a normal reaction and not to be

surprised?

3. If I follow his requests, how many and how great

would be the benefits to him?

4. How should I convey the message that I do share

the same opinion with him, so that he would feel

pleased and comforted?

5. How should I convey the fact that, even though

there are messages that we don’t share the same

opinions, I have made concessions purely on the

ground that I love him so as to make my sacrifice

as a tribute to him?

6. How should I convey the message that, even

though I didn’t make any concessions, it is purely

because I have better and more suitable sugges-

tions for the betterment of his benefits?

7. How should I convey the message that he has full

authority in making choices and he is not being

forced or being isolated?

8. How should I express my feelings so that he can

feel that those feelings of mine are to be in

congruent with his?

9. How should I convey the message so that he can

feel that I am totally on his side for a "heartfelt

companionship"?

10. How should I convey the message so that he can

feel that, even though our thoughts may differ

only slightly and if given some minor coordination

and readjustment, I will be totally on his side for a

"heartfelt companionship"?

When the kith and kin, or care-giver, encounters

emotional reactions of the patient, it is best to pass

out such a message: “It is better to be just an ordinary

person, and don’t strain oneself to be an angel.”

Therefore, we should accept that it is normal to see

emotional reactions of a

patient, and this is just

natural for such kind of

responses. In dealing

with the situation in sucha way, the patient will feel

that he is being accepted

and understood, which

would help to vent out his

emotions.

Since “listening to the

patient’s needs” is the

top hierarchy in the

procedures “for caring

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t b F b k 土豆优酷 56

Remarks:

1. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (1)” has been published. Its contentsinclude the articles on “The Meanings of the Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 1 to 10 of the “Lake of

Lotus”.

2. The newly-released book on “The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (2) – The Key Points at the Moment

of Death and the Essential Revelations of the Tibetan Book of the Dead” has been published. Its contents

include the articles on “The Meaning of the Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 11 to 20 of the “Lake of

Lotus”.

3. The newly-released book on “The Meaning of Near-Death Experiences (3) – The Various Ways of Realization

and Rescue of Dying Kith and Kin” has been published. Its contents include the articles on “The Meaning of

Near-Death Experiences” from Issues 21 to 30 of the “Lake of Lotus”.]

the patient”, the kith and kin or care-giver should

not make any casual remarks or suggestions to the

patient before having thorough understanding, analy-

sis and preparation. If the patient express dislikes to

the medical staff in “anger”, the kith and kin or care-

giver should listen to the patient with an attitude of

attempting to realize the situation, and should not de-

fend, or battle against the medical staff with the pa-

tient. Any actions to heighten the confrontation, or to

“express an opposite opinion”, should never be em-

ployed. One should merely show an attitude to listen

patiently for “realization and understanding”.

Listen to the patient

empathically

Express the em-

pathic feelings as

personal experi-

ence to the patient

Pass on the mes-

sage of accepting,

understanding and

tribute with genu-

ineness

On the same camp of Companionship

Develop unspoken

consensus – under

reasonable cir-

cumstances, carry

out more likeable

Behaviors to thepatient

Express unspoken

consensus – with

the attitude to

express feelings

that the patient

recognizes and

considers as of

same direction

Coordinate unspo-

ken consensus

– when deviation

appears, employ

proper approach to

coordinate mutual

thoughts to shorten

the distance and

seek for building

of common ground

of unspoken con-

sensus

Unspoken Consensus of Heart to Heart

After listening, and if the circumstances allows, we

should attempt to resolve the existing problems un-

der the consideration that it would not disturb the

patient’s emotions too much. Genuine concern is not

only limited to the expressions by spoken soft words,

but it should also include actual support and assist-

ance. This sort of sentimentally attentive and intimate

caring would shorten the distance between oneself

and the patient, such that both would feel that they

are on the same side for “companionship”.…(To be

Continued)

Accompanying and Unspoken Consensus

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Lake of Lotus (35)-The Profound Abstruseness of Life and Death-The Meaning of NDEs (35)-By Vajra...

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