KOSOVO CAFÉ

BY

DARIJAN MIHAJLOVIC

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

HERR LAZAR, a businessman, merchant and the owner of a few “Serbian”

quarters in Dusseldorf (57)

HERR MILOSH, Lazar’s hope and support, a handsome and temperament

guy (27)

HERR WOLF BRANKEN, the thorn in Lazar’s side and the husband of

Lazar’s daughter, Mara (50)

HERR BOSHKO JUGOVIC, an authentic Serbian hero (25)

HERR STRAHINYA, an authentic Serbian hero (25)

HERR VLATKO VLADJEVIC, an authentic Serbian hero from Bosnia (25)

! 2

HERR MURAD, a businessman, merchant and the sultan of a few “Turkish”

quarters in Dusseldorf (55)

HERR EFFI BEGBER, a typical German guy, Murad’s lawyer and counselor

(43)

HERR BAYAZID, Murad’s younger son, with the ambitions to succeed his

father (23)

HERR YAKUB, Murad’s elder son, without any ambition to succeed his

father (26)

OSMAN, THE TELAL , always at the wrong place in the wrong time (25) 1

TSEYMET, a beautiful Oriental beauty, forced by circumstances to be a belly-

dancer (22)

FATIMA, her colleague (20)

telal – Turkish, a messenger1

! 3

GERMAN GIRL, THE POP SINGER (SCHLAGERSÄNGERIN), the

age is not important

GERMAN GIRL WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE A NURSE, the age is not

important

FEHMI, THE ALBANIAN, the owner of the “Kosovo” restaurant, he likes

to mind his own business (35)

INSPECTOR

THE TURKS

The action takes place in the Kosovo Café in Dusseldorf, in the year 2389.

All the characters are fictitious and any similarity with the actual

characters and events is warning.

! 4

The “Kosovo Café” in Dusseldorf, the year 2389. There is a big neon sign with the

inscription “Kosovo Café”. The restaurant is bedecked with the flags of the most of the world

countries. The flags are lined above the bar. They are positioned in such a way that the

observer cannot be sure whether what he sees is the German or Belgian, Italian or Hungarian

flag. Everything is ready for the celebration of the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of

Kosovo. Two waitresses, both German, are setting a big table decorating it with the Serbian

national emblems. The first one, who really is a waitress, wears sunglasses so as to hide

bruises on her face. The other one, wearing tinseled clothes, having white, delicate skin is a

schlager singer. The waitress places a stand with the Serbian flag at the center of the table,

not noticing that the cloth is turned upside down so that what we really see is the Russian

flag.

Having finished their job, the girls exit, and three young Serbs: Strahinya, Boshko and

Milosh, enter the restaurant in a loud and joyful manner. The oldest is the last to enter. That

is Lazar. When they see that the flag is turned upside down, the boys stop laughing.

VLATKO: Well, Lazar, where have you brought us?

BOSHKO: Are they nuts? Where’s the manager?

! 5

STRAHINYA: Lazar, please, sit down if you don’t feel well.

LAZAR: It’s all right. Let’s all sit down. We’ll settle everything when we sit

down. There’s no need to be nervous. After all, this is the Russian flag, and the

Russians have been our brothers for centuries. Two hundred million that’s what

we and the Russians together count.

BOSHKO: And without the Russians a half of the truck is the amount!

Where’s the manager! I want to be served for what I pay. I want them to know

their geography and history.

LAZAR: Calm down, Boshko, calm down!

BOSHKO: I won’t calm down. I gave the money, too, and I want them to

explain to me why they’ve turned the flag upside down.

...

The manager of the restaurant enters. He is smiling and helpful. He readily pulls a chair up

for Lazar.

! 6

FEHMI: I am more than happy to be able to serve you in my restaurant

“Kosovo de lux” that more than once got “The Golden Apron” and “The

Golden Spoon” of Dusseldorf award. So, can I help you sir, is there any

problem?

BOSHKO: Listen, you Swiss guy, I’m really glad for your reputation. I don’t

doubt your catering qualities at all. I have another problem... I would like to ask

you why our flag is turned upside down?!! I want to be served for my money!

OWNER: There’s no problem at all, sir. Here, we’ll turn everything, as it

should be. I really apologize – the girls didn’t know! I’ll fix it in a second. He

puts the flag in the proper position. Here... there it is! Is it all right now? What would

you like? Something to drink?

VLATKO: Bring us a whisky each, let’s say a hundred kebabs, some cheese,

paprika, salad, ajvar, sour cabbage, pihtiye , bread... something for meze , I 2 3

mean!... What’s the word for “meze”?

pihtye – Turk. aspic2

meze – Turk. a light snack, something to munch on3

! 7

OWNER: It’s all right, sir, I understand you very well. Mixed meze, five dishes.

BOSHKO: Bring ten. We are not vegetarians.

VLATKO: Good for you... well said! Why don’t you get going now, and come

back so we can order something to eat.

OWNER: I’m already gone, sir.

THE OWNER makes a gesture as if piloting a plane and goes to bring the order.

VLATKO: He’s rather nice for a Swiss.

LAZAR: Where’s Vuk?

STRAHINYA: He said he’d come!

VLATKO: Lazar... let’s not wait for him, let’s drink, what do you say?

! 8

LAZAR: Of course. Cheers! He raises his glass, everyone stands up to hear the toast.

Today is 27th of June, Vidovdan , and we are gathered together here to 4

celebrate the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Kosovo when we

defeated the Turks for the first time. We left our homes and came here to this

foreignness to seek our fortune. In time, we adapted ourselves, but we never

forgot our homeland. When we had but little, when we were nothing – anyone

could do with us what he pleased. But we wouldn’t give up. Because we are

Serbs and because our glorious history began before Europe, when only

paramecia lived here. The Serb was created even before them, and then came

the Krapina man, and then Homo erectus. Our history is bloody but heroic.

Golden spoon was used for eating at our courts in the Middle Ages. Our

emperors served as an example for the whole world. That’s why everybody

wants to destroy us. Gentlemen, would you, please, count, how many Serbs

there would have been, had not the Austrians, the English and the rest, got us

involved in WWI in 1914. A Million of us died. How many more Serbs that

would be today! Twenty or thirty million. And how many of us are there today

– less than then. How many of us there would be if it were not for the

decreased birthrate and for the world conspiracy against our country. That’s

why, dear brothers, the only thing we can do is struggle and fight against those

Saint Vid day, 15th of June, according to the Serbian Orthodox church calendar4

! 9

who are against us. And due to our wisdom, beauty and talent, everyone is

against us. It is impossible to count all the battles we won!

We are always happy to remember the most glorious ones. The Maritsa’s battle,

for example, that occurred before Kosovo, in 1379, when we also defeated the

Turks.

During Lazar’s speech, Wolf Branken enters the restaurant. He goes to the corner, and

unobtrusively listens to the whole speech. Others do not notice him until he starts speaking.

VUK: I am afraid, my cousin, that you are wrong.

LAZAR: And you, my cousin, are late, and today is the holiest day for the

Serbs.

VUK: I am afraid, my cousin, that that day is tomorrow.

LAZAR: And how would you know? It is well known that of all the Serbs, you

have the least Serbian name, my dear Herr Wolf Branken.

! 10

BOSHKO: That’s right, Lazar! Why would you, you Islamite and ratter, tell us

when the Battle of Kosovo took place?!

VUK: For half of the money you are spending here, you could put a Serbian

child trough school!

VLATKO: We have nothing to talk to you about, sir. So why don’t you turn

and leave.

STRAHINYA: Vuk, sit by me. Do come. There’s no need to quarrel. Let

bygones be bygones. Vuk is your son in law, Lazar, and, well... he’s one of us.

LAZAR: Unfortunately, he is.

MILOSH: But keep your mouth shut or we’ll talk otherwise.

BOSHKO: And he wants to spoil our celebration for which I’ve paid. Shame

on you!

! 11

VUK: It is up to you whether you’ll celebrate the anniversary today, tomorrow

or yesterday. Whatever it is you are celebrating, gentlemen, it is not time for

celebration. Although, if we want to split hairs, we might wonder why you have

gathered today if we have in mind that the real date according to the old

calendar was 15th June 1389. It was on Monday or Tuesday, early in the

morning when the Serbian and the Turkish army met at Kosovo. We can

presume that you have made a mistake because you have not taken into

consideration the fact that Pope Gregory XIII introduced the new calendar in

1582 so that we now celebrate 28th June instead of 15th. Thus, having taken all

the above-mentioned into consideration I can conclude with regret that it is

impossible to find a single good reason to celebrate on 27th June, which is

today. But that doesn’t matter, gentlemen, I shall repeat it again: it is not time

for celebration.

BOSHKO: Shall we, the Orthodox Christians, let the Pope tell us when and

what we’ll celebrate!

VLATKO: Stop it! Call that Swiss guy and let’s eat and drink. Lazar, you just

say it, and I’ll take care everything is explained to our dear Vuk!

! 12

MILOSH: Hey, Swiss!!!! Come here!

BOSHKO: Hey, Swiss guy, come quickly! Do you hear me? (The Owner comes)

I’ve told you once that I want to be served for my money. I want you to wait

only on this table.

OWNER: Of course, sir, a hundred apologies!

BOSHKO: And no other!

OWNER: Certainly, sir, innumerable apologies!

VLATKO: Bring that roast pig we ordered. And wine – two bottles!

OWNER: Only two bottles, sir, for all of you?

VLATKO: Two bottles each. Don’t you play the fool!!!

OWNER: Coming, sir. Anything else, sir?

! 13

BOSHKO: Bring your two girls for our friend Strahinyic, look how handsome

he is, pretty as a picture, but he’s so woeful he hardly notices us...

OWNER: You’ll be served!

BOSHKO: Wait!

OWNER: At your service!

BOSHKO: You can leave now!

OWNER: I’ll be right back, sir! Very good, sir!

BOSHKO: Such a nice Swiss!

LAZAR: Vuk, since you’ve been friends with the Croats you’ve become

somehow... soft. My daughter, and your wife, has told me that you’d moved to

Dubrovnik recently, and I’ve also heard that you bought some land there.

Everything is brought into the open eventually, my dear. It is said in the papers

! 14

that they gave you the citizenship. It is not enough for you to be friends with

them but you think the same, too.

VLATKO: Yes, yes, Lazar, I agree. Let alone the fact that he is so rarely seen in

our company. Every weekend, when the folk singers from Yugoslavia come,

everybody’s here but no trace of Vuk. And I also saw you going to the theater

when we played against the Croats. Such an important thing for our country,

and you in the theater?! Listen, do you really think that I don’t know how many

times you’ve negotiated with the Turks. We can see, my dear cousin, how much

Serbia means to you, when you have even changed your name. I don’t know

why you came here in the first place. On the holiest Serbian holiday.

VUK: As I’ve said that holiday is tomor... ah... it doesn’t matter... I came here to

ask you to give 10 000 DM each to help the victims of the latest war with

Bulgaria.

There is a moment of silence. Nobody moves. Everyone is looking at Wolf.

BOSHKO: I didn’t even know that we’re at war with Bulgaria.

! 15

STRAHINYA: Hadn’t we been at war with Azerbaijan till last year.

MILOSH: I think we lost that one.

STRAHINYA: How can we be at war with Azerbaijan when we don’t border

on Azerbaijan?

VLATKO: We were at war with America 380 years ago, although we don’t

border on America. Everyone should know that Serbia never gives up, be this

the fiftieth war we are waging.

MILOSH: We’ll have to start a new war after the Bulgarians. To get back

Vojvodina that we lost ten years ago during the last war with the Hungarians.

I’ll start that one.

VUK: People, it is necessary that you help immediately. Give money. I do not

have time for your empty talk. Children are starved to death there.

! 16

LAZAR: There is time, Vuk. Take it easy. It’s not been easy for us, either. The

Turks are invading our territories, here, in the middle of Dusseldorf. We have

our problems.

BOSHKO: Do you remember the war with San Marino? We had to wage war

with Italy so we could reach them at all.

VLATKO: Don’t interrupt Lazar when he’s talking!

LAZAR: But our brave Vlatko has defeated the Turks more than once and

took from them the territories where they were racketeering us. There’s no such

a hero. We’ll erect you a monument in Serbia, Vlatko!

MILOSH: I could stick them on the knife twice more than he. Like shish

kebabs.

BOSHKO: And when we were waging war with the English, I stole the

Mercedes from the English consul.

VLATKO: There will be time, you’ll prove yourself, Milosh.

! 17

STRAHINYA (who drinks exceedingly all the time, utters between two gulps): Where’s

that Swiss guy to bring some more wine?

VUK: You care for nothing.

MILOSH: When I strike the Turks, you’ll see, Vlatko, who Milosh is! But I

don’t brag around like you, the Bosnians! Have you heard that joke when the

Bantus capture an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Bosnian guy...?

VLATKO: Wait till I catch you... You, blockhead, want to teach me something.

LAZAR: Please, brothers, don’t, today is the thousandth anniversary of the

Battle of Kosovo.

VUK: Not today but tomorrow.

BOSHKO: Will this convert still teach us how the things were, Lazar? Let me

smash his head! You lousy coward, you want to teach us our history, you that

even changed your name.

! 18

VUK: Out of gratitude.

VLATKO: What gratitude?

VUK: Gratitude to the country that accepted me.

STRAHINYA: Hey, Swiss guy! More wine!

BOSHKO: Lazar, just give me a signal and I’ll kill him in no time, I swear!

VUK: If you don’t want to give money, just don’t. What else could you do?

That problem is not yours, it is out of your sight, and you are interested only in

what you want to see – until there are no more people alive there. But you

should know, as long as you act in such a way, we’ll wage wars with Botswana,

and Morocco, and Sudan and Norway and Paraguay; and until nothing changes

in your minds how can we expect it to be changed in the minds of those in

Germany, England and France. But the worst of all is that you are not aware of

it at all... You are not aware at all!!!

! 19

BOSHKO: Haven’t you got carried away? Here, I admit I’m not aware.

Though, that doesn’t mean I’m stupid, but that I’m sick of listening you

complaining about everything. You traitor!

VUK: I’ve said it, and don’t forget it... When I got my PhD in history in

Belgrade, the first thing I had to do was to go to the western countries and

wash dishes. So go figure why Tesla is an American and why Vuk Brankovic is

Wolf Branken. And let me say you something else, Lazar. That battle before

Kosovo, where the greatest Christian army was gathered, the Battle on the

Maritsa – not the Maritsa’s battle as you call it, was not in 1379, but in 1371!

LAZAR: Really! And you’ll tell me I’m a Negro!

OWNER: That’s right, you’re right!

BOSHKO: You should be ashamed. Just look at those white hands.

OWNER: No, sir, not that, but... I mean... the year...of the Battle on the

Maritsa.

! 20

BOSHKO: And how should you know?

OWNER: Well, I used to study history, the same as mister. For a whole year.

BOSHKO: And why would you, a Swiss, be interested in Serbian history?

OWNER: I’m not a Swiss, sir. My name is Fehmi Krasnici. I am Albanian, sir.

Osman enters, the Turkish petty thief and Herr Murad’s telal. He is short, with big black

moustache. While the Serbs are quarreling, he stands aside, trying not to be recognized by

anyone, and than when he gathers courage, he straightens up and briskly goes to his table

keeping an eye on the Serbs. He sits at the table.

FEHMI: Can I help you, sir, what would you like?

OSMAN: An espresso.

VLATKO: Is that Osman? The famous Osman?

FEHMI: You might like Turkish coffee. We do have Turkish coffee.

! 21

OSMAN: An espresso.

BOSHKO: Is that Osman, Osman the Robin Hood. The man who robs the

rich to help his-poor-self.

FEHMI: Coming, sir. Maybe caffe latte or ness coffee. We make really good

ness coffee.

OSMAN: Espresso.

FEHMI: Coming, sir. Cream or no cream?

OSMAN: All I want is an espresso.

FEHMI: Coming, sir.

OSMAN: How’s life, friends?

BOSHKO: Well, Osman, how’s life with you?

! 22

OSMAN: Not bad.

BOSHKO: How’s job?

OSMAN: Not bad.

BOSHKO: How’s family?

OSMAN: Not bad.

BOSHKO: Come, sit with us. We are having a small celebration. Come, come

on, don’t be shy.

VLATKO: Sit down, Osman. We’re celebrating a little. Lazar, this guy is... well,

a miracle. He can really make you laugh and cheer you up. And then takes your

watch off or steals your wallet in a second, and you haven’t even bat an eye.

Really, before you can say Constantinople, you are left without your watch, and

see what you can do...

! 23

OSMAN: Well, Herr Vlatko, it’s not exactly like that.

VLATKO: Come on, don’t be so modest, what’s true is true... Come on,

please!

MILOSH: I’ve heard, Osman that you can climb to the tenth floor over the

balcony, take a TV set and get back down in less than five minutes.

OSMAN: Well, I can’t exactly manage the tenth floor, but I have no problems

up to the eight.

STRAHINYA: Come on, drink some wine.

OSMAN: Thank you very much, I’ve already ordered.

FEHMI: Your espresso, sir!

VLATKO: Forget the espresso, give the man something to drink!

! 24

FEHMI: Of course? Well, I was asking the gentleman if he’d like something,

but he said just espresso... Here, there’s a little whiskey.

OSMAN: No, no way! Thank you.

VLATKO: Don’t listen to him. When I order, everyone has to drink.

FEHMI: Whiskey coming, sir.

OSMAN: No, I really can’t.

STRAHINYA: Osman, have some wine.

OSMAN: No, thank you. Here... I’ll have some apple juice.

FEHMI: We have excellent pineapple juice.

OSMAN: No, I’d like some apple juice.

! 25

LAZAR: Have whatever you like, Osman! It’s on us. We are having a

celebration today.

FEHMI: Maybe you’d like a starter?

OSMAN: Apple juice.

FEHMI: Apple juice, coming.

BOSHKO: Maybe our friend Osman doesn’t know, but today, we’re celebrating

the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Kosovo when we defeated the

Turks. However, today we are all sitting together here in Germany, as if nothing

had ever happened.

MILOSH: Although you’ve started meddling with our business, Osman.

OSMAN: We are meddling with your business? I haven’t heard anything about

that. And I am not familiar with the fact that you’ve ever defeated us.

! 26

VLATKO: You are and we have. But we’ll leave it tonight. Would you like

something to drink, Osman?

OSMAN: No, thank you. You’re so kind that I feel ashamed. But, by the way,

there’s something else I want to tell you, friends... You probably didn’t know

that this is our territory. Herr Murad wouldn’t exactly be happy to see you here.

It would be, I mean... it would be better if you went down to the basement.

He’s coming back from his holiday today. You’d better went to the basement so

as not to be seen by him.

BOSHKO: Forget the basement. Don’t you worry.

MILOSH: I know Murad, he’s just saying so.

STRAHINYA: I don’t think you know Murad!

LAZAR: Osman, have something to drink.

VLATKO: Lazar is asking you if you’d like to have something to drink.

! 27

OSMAN: I’ll be off now. But, friends, I don’t think you’re safe here unless you

go to the basement.

Osman starts towards the exit.

VUK: Lazar, I’m leaving, too. This celebration smells no good.

VLATKO: Go ahead, mister. You know where the door is.

Vuk makes for the exit, Osman lets him exit first, then exits himself.

BOSHKO: And say hello to Murad for us!

LAZAR: Woe to us with such people as Wolf Branken.

VLATKO: He is a traitor, Lazar.

MILOSH: Sit down, Boshko, I’m telling you.

BOSHKO: Tell Murad to drop by so we can have a drink in the basement!

! 28

MILOSH: Sit down, Boshko.

A sound of a car engine is heard. The sound is loud at first and then fades away. Realizing

what is going on, Boshko runs out. There is a pause and then we hear him yelling at someone

and swearing loud. A few moments later he enters the restaurant – all gloomy.

BOSHKO: The Turk has stolen my Mercedes!

FEHMI: Here’s apple juice for the gentleman.

The German singer starts singing her song. The lyrics are about eternal love, the sun and the

sea. As the song goes on, the melody turns into turbo-folk. The light changes. In front of the

Turkish restaurant where kebab is sold there are a few chairs. That Mediterranean custom

of sitting in front of the restaurant remained even until 2 389. The inscription shows that

the name of the restaurant is “Turbe”. The restaurant is just a cover for some other, darker

business, and only the chosen can go there. We can see the Turks coming from their holiday in

Turkey. They are dressed as tourists. A Turkish turbo-folk hit can be heard from the big

cassette player. The lyrics are about eternal love, the sun and the sea. Efri Berbger, the

! 29

German lawyer, is whispering something to Herr Murad’s ear, but Murad cannot hear him

well. The music stops and the Turks put down their suitcases.

EFRI: Salaam aleikum, Herr Murad.

MURAD: Salaam...

EFRI: Salaam aleikum, Herr Yakub.

YAKUB: Salaam.

EFRI: Salaam aleikum, Herr Bayazid.

BAYAZID: Salaam aleikum, Efri.

EFRI: Herr Murad, why don’t we talk tomorrow, you are too tired from the

journey.

BAYAZID: Who’s tired from the journey?

! 30

EFRI: Well, you’ve been driving all day.

BAYAZID: Oh, if it hadn’t been for the war between the Serbs and the

Bulgarians I would’ve driven my family here two days ago. But our poor Yakub

has such a weak stomach...

YAKUB: We’ve seen so many corpses that I got cramps. I’ve thrown up seven

times. Gall was all that was left in my stomach in the end. Terrible!

EFRI: Herr Murad, we have so many jobs that are not closed... If you would

be so kind... as to talk.

BAYAZID: There’s no need. Dad we’ll tell you everything in time.

EFRI: How was it at home, Herr Bayazid?

BAYAZID: Galatasaray beat Manchester United 7:0, that’s how it was. Turkey

will triumph at the next European championship – mark my words.

EFRI: Salaam aleikum, Herr Yakub, how was it at home?

! 31

YAKUB: Really bad. There’s no more that old Turkey. Only fast food, fast

tracks fast trade, everywhere. No one bargains any more, no one has respect for

the old, and kebab is nothing special. Not even close to what they state in the

tourist guide. Not exotic at all.

EFRI: It’s good to be at home again.

BAYAZID: It’s good to be back in our Dusseldorf.

YAKUB: Dad was in a really bad mood while we were passing through

Yugoslavia. The Balkans has become a really primitive place.

BAYAZID: Our Mercedes broke twice and the mechanics in Yugoslavia sold

us some fake pieces.

YAKUB: That’s no wonder since we had been tyrannizing them for five

hundred years. They are so radical, my dear Efri. They have some weird dynasty

that, if I got it right, has been ruling for a couple of centuries. They came to

power by removing one tyrant from power and then fell out about the fact who

! 32

deposed him. That king of theirs managed to root out the opposition and his

dynasty has been ruling freely ever since. The Serbs and democracy, dear Efri,

never went together.

BAYAZID: Ever since the Turks left the Balkans, no one knows how to

behave.

EVERYONE: Oh... yes...

EFRI: Herr Murad, only a few words...

Osman, the telal, comes in.

OSMAN: Salaam aleikum, Herr Murad.

MURAD: Osman...

OSMAN: Herr Yakub.

YAKUB: Salaam.

! 33

OSMAN: Herr Bayazid.

BAYAZID: Salaam aleikum, Osman.

OSMAN: Salaam aleikum, Herr Efri Begber.

EFRI: Salaam aleikum.

BAYAZID: What is it, Osman? What are you doing here? Would you like to

hear the news from Anatolia? Or maybe you came to try hashish? Only, we

don’t accept credit cards any more, only cash.

YAKUB: Osman, where did you get those keys? Is that your alarm with the

cross? Well, that’s so... démodé!

EFRI: Say it, Osman!

OSMAN: Herr Murad, the Serbs...

! 34

YAKUB: You haven’t become a giaour, have you Osman?

BAYAZID: Where did you get the Mercedes, Osman?

OSMAN: Herr Murad, the Serbs are...

YAKUB: Efri, could it be that Osman stole your car!

BAYAZID: Yakub, you’re my brother, but you’re taking far too much hashish.

MURAD: Stop it.

EFRI: Herr Murad, just a few words.

MURAD: Stop it. Say... He has difficulties remembering the name... Osman.

OSMAN: The Serbs are in the “Kosovo” restaurant.

Silence.

! 35

MURAD: What are they doing?

OSMAN: Celebrating... something.

BAYAZID: What are they celebrating?

YAKUB: Dad, isn’t that our street?

EFRI: Herr Murad, tomorrow is the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of

Kosovo. I just don’t know why they are there today... Herr Murad, a few words

about our financial...

MURAD: How many of them are there?

OSMAN: Many.

BAYAZID: I don’t care if there were as many of them as raindrops. I’ll kill

them all by myself.

YAKUB: You’re only talking violence. Not interesting at all.

! 36

MURAD: Are they all armed?

YAKUB: Dad...

MURAD: Shut up! Osman?

OSMAN: All of them.

BAYAZID: I’m going to bring you the heads on the plate, father.

MURAD: Are they drinking?

OSMAN: A lot.

MURAD: Are they shouting?

OSMAN: A lot.

! 37

MURAD: Then everybody knows that they overstepped the line and came to

our property.

EFRI: Herr Murad. Getting into a conflict wouldn’t be good for our business.

BAYAZID: If we let them do it once, they’ll reach Istanbul. Shall I go, dad?

MURAD: Wait! Is Milosh there?

OSMAN: Yes.

MURAD: You’ll go there again. Take Fatima and Tseymet with you... let it be

my gift to Milosh. Tell him that what belongs to Lazar can very easily become

his property.

OSMAN: Yes.

BAYAZID: What, shall we make peace with the unbeliever?

MURAD: Will you shut up, or I’ll tear your head of and hang it on the post.

! 38

EFRI: I have to go, Herr Murad. I have an urgent meeting.

BAYAZID: I’ll wait if you say so.

All of them, save for Yakub, exit taking the player from which the music is heard with them.

YAKUB: And I find those Christian so cute... Especially the French. “Allons

enfants pour la patrie...” Tomber la neige. La vache qui rire, Gitanes, Kus-kus,

tour Aifell. La vie est trop complique! Christ, Christ, it sounds so... modern. I’ll

have to consider becoming a convert when I’m already a transvestite. His mobile

rings. The ringing sound is some oriental melody.

Let’s see who that is. Hello... Bayazid is that you? I’m coming, of course, I just

got carried away by my thoughts... Such a stupid melody. Let’s see what

Christian items do we have on the menu... He’s browsing the melodies. Carmina

Burana! That’s it!

The mobile plays several times the opening of Orff ’s “Carmina Burana”. Yakub is listening

to it, enjoying, until, at one moment, he falls asleep. The melody is repeated several times and

than blends into the original version.

! 39

A theatre in the Central European fashion. The performance of Schiller’s “Wilhelm Tell" is

in progress. Wolf Branken and Effi Begber enter, sit next to each other and read the

playbill. At first it seems as if they did not know each other at all, and then they exchange

glances. At the same time they look back to make sure that nobody is following them. All

that seems choreographed, it seems that they have met there several times already. Behind them

we can see the shadow of a man. He is exactly between the two of them. On the stage there is

the scene of the conspirators’ meeting in order to resist the Austrian emperor from Schwyz,

Unterwalden and Uri (Act II, Scene 2).

***

STAUFFACHER:

...No, the tyrants’ might does have its end.

If there is no justice for the oppressed,

! 40

If he is bound to always bear the yoke,

He bravely lifts his hands to the sky

And there below he uses his eternal rights,

Which soar unviolated in the upper spheres,

And look as changeless as the groups of stars –

The ancient age of the world returns,

Where man stands equal to another man –

***

Wolf and Effi start whispering.

WOLF: It is marvellous you had the tickets, Herr Begber.

EFFI: I snapped it up from an old married couple. I always talk subscribers

into thinking that the director is extremely bad. Off they went to dinner. How

are you?

! 41

WOLF: Thank you for asking. I would say fine – if it were not bad. That is

why I called you.

EFFI: When you told me to come quickly, you sounded pretty upset.

WOLF: All this will not turn out well, Herr Begber. I have just been with my

fellow-countrymen. For some reason they are tonight celebrating the

thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Kosovo. I say for some reason,

because that is tomorrow...

EFFI: As far as I can remember, the date is 28th June according to the

Gregorian calendar. For you in the Balkans it is often a doomsday. Wasn’t it on

that very day in 1914 that World War I was initiated – by the assassination of

Archduke Franz Ferdinand?

MAN FROM THE SHADE: Gentlemen, please be quiet!

EFFI and WOLF: Yes, yes, excuse us, please!

! 42

WOLF: There is a celebration at the Kosovo Café tonight. Osman, one of your

men, if I may say so, has stolen their car. The fact that the Kosovo Café belongs

to Herr Murad’s territory complicates things even further, doesn’t it?

EFFI: That “Kosovo” territory has never been explicitly solved. I mean, the

restaurant.

WOLF: You are aware of the consequences of a general conflict?

EFFI: That would be tragical. We have just legalised all Herr Murad’s

transactions. A conflict with the police or an investigation of Herr Murad’s

business would bring us ten years back.

WOLF: What makes me oppose the conflict is more prosaic. Firstly, my wife is

very closely related to Lazar, that is to say, she is his daughter. That kinship

obliges me a great deal. On the other hand, I would like to see everybody

splitting up home unwounded and in one piece, for a change. Finally, I think we

could, in the end, due to various ties between the Serbs and the Turks, establish

very close business cooperation. Such a similar mentality, so many loan words...

! 43

EFFI: We completely agree on that point. Even I can notice that. To begin

with food...

WOLF: Via music...

EFFI: To power.

WOLF: Anyway, here in Germany all of them fare equally. I am also a

gastarbeiter, just as anybody. At the same time, I am fully proud of that. A

Yugo or something else, who can tell us from each other...

MAN FROM THE SHADE: Mister gastarbeiter, please shut up! If you don't

like Schiller, find yourself some appropriate amusement.

Wolf turns around and with a lot of false sympathy makes a grin.

WOLF: Excuse me, I am really sorry...

EFFI: Well, man. Speak your mind, what do you think? What should we do?

! 44

WOLF: I don’t know, they don’t listen to me. No matter how much I

contradict them, they spite me. That word is familiar to you – “spite”?

EFFI: Yes, “spite”. An irrational opposition or even better – a defiance of fate.

In the Balkans as present and common as air.

WOLF: Yes, mixed with alcohol, primitivism, turbo-folk music, hatred, misery,

depression, revenge and wrath it gives...

EFFI: ...An authentic postmodernism. But I don’t know, although you have

taught me so much about the Balkans, what does “wrath” mean?

WOLF: My dear sir, that is a feeling made up of one’s offended pride, anger

and desire for revenge. Roughly, the way I feel now. It took me a lot of time to

replace one feeling by another. For years I tried to stop feeling humiliated, and

now that humiliation only turned into anger. There is, of course, an equilibrium

in my case – between humiliation and anger. I have no more strength. Being a

populist nowadays means being “an enemy of the people”. As if they had not

had enough, during all these centuries...

! 45

EFFI: Why are you so downcast? You know well that I have the best opinion

about you. A long time ago Goethe spoke about your national poetry...

WOLF: Yes, I know, I know. That is the very problem. You can’t avoid

observing me as a nation. Such an approach, even with the best intent, now

unfortunately makes a lot of room for the wrong view of the Balkan issue.

Somebody is always better.

EFFI: I don’t understand you.

WOLF: You see, each of us has come here for some kind of appreciation,

economical or intellectual. So long as you, you as the civilised world...so long as

you observe us from the interest point of view, the harder it will be for us to

establish certain lost humanistic values. For example, honour...simple honour,

nothing more.

EFFI: I don’t observe you from the same point of view as Ranke, Goethe or

Hugo. That is too romantic for me. I like sitting on my sunny terrace until

seven every day, recycling my trash, I don’t like talking too loud, I like drinking

decaffeinated coffee, voting for my political party, playing golf sometimes or

! 46

sailing across the Mediterranean – that is why I find it necessary to work for a

Turkish or Serbian Mafioso. Life is rough. In order to survive, we need to get

rid of naivety. My attitude towards the Balkans is neither better nor worse than

yours. I think that you are over exaggerating when you say that the Western

civilisation prevents you from regaining your honesty. All these years and the

fiftieth war your homeland is engaging in only prove a deep naivety of the

people. There is something deeply naïve and emotional in you. You know, Wolf,

in war, those that go first become heroes, but when the war is over – the army

turns around and goes home. And at the head of it are quartermasters and

those less naïve. They are the ones who profit. That characteristic makes you so

vulnerable, you Balkanians, South Slavs, and Slavs in general...I observe you like

Andersen, with a lot of warmth, although not with so much understanding. If

you allow me, I am going to quote: “The Serbs like their forests...”

WOLF: “...just as the Swiss like their mountains.” Such Serbs don’t live there

any longer, nor is there any forest there. That time is past, we have changed,

developed into another direction. Now it is a country of small businessmen in

every sense. That is the outcome of the years of misery. The intellectuals,

notorious opponents of the totalitarian regime accept enormous sums of

money overnight and, feeling satisfied, they become professional

! 47

revolutionaries. The outcasts of the regime, also overnight, become the

favourites of the rich and satisfied opposition. There is a tyrant in power and

let me now quote somebody else – “and man can’t love even his fatherland –

when it is ruled by a tyrant”. There is no place only for such like me, my dear

Effi. We are dispensable.

***

STAUFFACHER:

When there exists no other way to go,

He takes the sword as the ultimate means;

From despotism and the tyrant’s rage

We can defend the precious wealth we own –

And we rebel for our fatherland’s sake,

For our wives, and for our children!

***

! 48

EFFI: You are here now, fortunately or unfortunately... Anyway, I can count

with seeing you again if the situation requires? The contact person’s name is

Osman. I will send you messages through him...

***

ALL: (Battering the ground with their swords)

For our wives, and for our children!

ROSSELMAN: (Steps into the centre of the circle)

Think deeper before you take up arms!

You could reconcile with the Emperor,

A single word would be fairly enough,

And the tyrant that is pursuing you now

Would flatter you smooth-spokenly instead.

- Accept what they have often offered you:

! 49

Admit the eagle of the Habsburg king,

And give up the thought of the German realm –

HANS AUF DER MAUER:

What? To take an oath to Austria?

BURKHARDT AM BUHEL:

Don’t listen to what the priest is saying!

WINKELRIED:

It is a thought that only a betrayer

And a tormentor of his people can think!

***

WOLF: Count on me...

! 50

MAN FROM THE SHADE: To Wolf. I sincerely hope that I will never see

you again, sir. What a lack of manners!

EFFI: I hope that you will notice that I spoke as well, not only the gentleman!

MAN FROM THE SHADE: But you are a German!

EFFI: You are an idiot...sir. Don’t worry, nobody is going to make houses of

human skulls, as before. Tell me something else, Wolf... If you had ever had a

chance to choose where you would be born... would it have been at the same

place again?

WOLF: Yes.

EFFI: Why?

WOLF: Because even if I had been born here, I would have been born there,

since the Balkans... the Balkans starts in Paris today, my Effi...

! 51

Both of them stand up because it is the end and the applause is heard. The shadow we saw at

the beginning slowly bends forward and we see that it is the inspector’s face, who has been

having great fun all the while.

“Kosovo” restaurant

The Serbs are now pretty drunk. They are positioned as in da Vinci’s painting the “Last

Supper” or rather as in Mica Popovic’s painting. The scene is frozen. The inspector is sitting

at the table in the corner.

FEHMI: (Goes to the inspector) For you, sir? As always?

INSPECTOR: Yes, thank you.

FEHMI: Coming, sir. Your tea is already ready.

INSPECTOR: What are these gentlemen celebrating?

! 52

FEHMI: Tomorrow is the thousandth anniversary of the Battle of Kosovo.

You know, they are Serbs, sir.

INSPECTOR: And why are they celebrating today when the anniversary is

tomorrow?

FEHMI: Well... because... because... Because they are Serbs, sir, as I said.

Sorry sir, we have a lively atmosphere here tonight...

INSPECTOR: That’s all right, Fehmi, ska problem . 5

FEHMI: How do you know my name? You’re not from the Police, are you,

sir? It’s really not my fault that they are so loud. They’ll go soon, sir. Please,

don’t be offended. All my workers have work permits. Except the chef, but he’s

my cousin. Well, all right, and except the two who wash the dishes. But those

are my children from my first marriage, they took their mother’s name. That’s

why they don’t have the same name as me. I have a big family, and everyone is

helping me. Eight of them depend on me and this restaurant. You probably

have a bad opinion on the people from the Balkans. But I obey the law. I have

No problem, Albanian5

! 53

to, things have been going fine for me here. If you have to write a report for

the Police, write that Fehmi was forced to be on this celebration tonight. You

know, I’m Albanian, why would I be at some Serbian Celebration?

INSPECTOR: Fehmi Krasnici.

FEHMI: You know my surname, too?! What have I done? I didn’t know they

were Serbs, sir, I swear!!!

INSPECTOR: Fehmi Krasnici. That’s engraved on that golden bracelet on

your hand. That’s how I know your name.

FEHMI: So, you’re not from the Police?

INSPECTOR: No.

FEHMI: That was my impression. You’re here every day.

INSPECTOR: I’m not from the Police.

! 54

FEHMI: Your tea, sir. He leaves.

Osman comes in, with Tseymet and Fatima. The Serbs, noticing them, stop talking.

VLATKO: How dare you come in, Osman?

BOSHKO: Now you’ll explain some things to me, Osman. Ah, poor Osman...

OSMAN: I’m really sorry I stole your Mercedes, Herr Boshko.

BOSHKO: Here’s a turning point. He breaks a bottle and points the sharp end at

Osman. And now? What now, you little Turkish peace of shit? Where’s your skill

now?

VLATKO: Our little friend is brave. Lazar, do you have a message for Murad?

Osman will carry it in his teeth, like a dog.

BOSHKO: Where is my Mercedes 600 SEL with the built-in CD jukebox and

leather seats? Where’s my car? You have five seconds or I’ll make a kebab of

you.

! 55

OSMAN: Here you are, Herr Boshko. Your keys. Your Mercedes is washed.

Boshko puts down the bottle but still keeping a hold of it.

VLATKO: What shall we do with him, Lazar?

OSMAN: Herr Murad sends his regards to Herr Lazar wishing him many

happy returns. He admires him and his family. He wants you to be happy and

that’s why he sends these two girls as a gift. They are his present for Milosh

Obilic, the greatest hero, the most courageous Serb, and our friend.

MILOSH: What?

BOSHKO: You, a traitor...!

VLATKO: Licking the Turk’s ass, you rat! Here. Lazar, now you can see who’s

plotting against you.

MILOSH: Take your word back, you Turk, or... He pulls out his gun.

! 56

LAZAR: Now I know where I stand. Now I know who’s plotting against me.

That’s how you would betray us Milosh in the decisive moment, too. What

would have happened if we hadn’t found out about your relations with the

Turks? Do you need my gray head, Milosh? How much did you get from them,

you greenhorn? He takes out his wallet and throws money at Milosh. Here. Now you

can buy something for your Turkish friends. Here you are, come on, betray

Lazar, betray Serbia, betray our history.

MILOSH:

He attacks Osman like a beast, kicking and hitting him until Osman falls down.

We’ll see who’s loyal and who’s not! We’ll see who’ll be a traitor? I’ll kill be the

one who’ll kill Murad. He’ll die of my hand. The Turks, I’ll show you who

Milosh is! He is hitting Osman so savagely that the others put their guns down and turn

away with disgust. I’ll show you, Turks, who Milosh Obilic is! I’ll send you back

home. You’ll go back to where you came from. But not to Istanbul, I’ll send

you back to Anatolia. Istanbul will be Constantinople again. What will Istanbul

be called? Say it!!!

! 57

Osman cannot utter a word.

MILOSH: What will Istanbul be called?!

OSMAN: Constantinople...

MILOSH: He throws Osman down, he’s stained with Osman’s blood. Here you are,

Lazar...! Are you satisfied now? Look how I fixed you, Osman, my friend.

You’ll see who’s loyal and who’s not! I’ll kill Murad myself! He turns and kicks

half-dead Osman again.

VLATKO: O.K. Milosh, that’s enough.

LAZAR: Come on, let’s have another drink!

BOSHKO: Hey, Swiss guy! Come here! Bring more wine!

FEHMI: Of course, sir. Two bottles more each. Would the gentleman like a

napkin or a towel?

! 58

MILOSH stands still over Osman.

MILOSH: Bring me a towel.

FEHMI: Right away, sir.

MILOSH: Come on, Osman, get up. Don’t pretend on me. You aren’t that

hurt. Get up when I tell you! Osman gets up with great difficulty. All right, come on,

take this... He takes a bank note from his pocket and gives it to Osman. Osman can hardly

stand, but he does not take the bill. Take it, I said, take it... Osman wipes the blood with

the towel, which Fehmi brings. Give him something to drink. What was he

drinking?

FEHMI: Juice.

MILOSH: What juice?

FEHMI: Apple juice...

MILOSH: Bring him a bottle of it. Come on!

! 59

FEHMI: Something to eat? Some grilled meat for you, sir?

OSMAN: No!

FEHMI: So an apple juice only. Are you sure?

OSMAN: No thank you, I don’t want anything...

MILOSH: Leave him alone! Can’t you see that he doesn’t want anything?

Come on, beat it!!... Osman... Osman turns away and starts towards the door... Sorry...

Osman does not look back... I’m sorry!! Osman is slowly making to the door, not looking

back. Suddenly, Milosh wildly runs to Osman. With a savage scream, he gets Osman and

knocks him against the door. He knocked him so hard that Osman collapses. I said sorry

zillion and you wouldn’t give a damn. Where’s the toilet, I want to wash my

hands?

FEHMI: ...Behind the bar, sir...

! 60

Now we can see the other Serbs, pretty drunk. The girls climb on the table and everyone is

enthusiastic about it. Tseymet goes to Strahinya and he slowly raises his head. She stops and

freezes.

STRAHINYA throws down everything that was on the table with a sweeping movement.

He gets up and goes to the corner with his back turned to the others. Vlatko grabs Tseymet’s

hand and makes her turn to him. She moves away and goes back to Strahinya. Boshko is

observing the whole situation from behind, but neither Strahinya nor Tseymet can see that.

She stares at Strahinya steadily and he stares bluntly straight ahead.

TSEYMET: A gentleman, just like you, used to come here. Strahinya is silent.

He used to carry a flower in his hand.

STRAHINYA: So what?

TSEYMET: He would hide it behind his back first, and squeeze it so much

that the petals would fall off.

STRAHINYA: What a freak.

TSEYMET: His palms were sweaty.

! 61

STRAHINYA: There’s cure for that.

TSEYMET: He would squash that flower so much in the end that only a few

petals would be left. And he would be ashamed to give his girlfriend a flower

that was so destroyed.

STRAHINYA: What an idiot.

TSEYMET: Then, I remember, he threw the flower under the table. Then the

waiter came, picked up the flower and asked the gentleman, “Would you like

me to put this in water, sir?” The gentleman blushed, grabbed the hand of the

girl and said, “I wanted to give you the flower, but I am an idiot.”

STRAHINYA: What an amazing idiot. Why are you telling me the story?

TSEYMET: (Goes to Strahinya and takes something out of the pocket on her dress).

This is the flower, and you are the idiot.

STRAHINYA: Who are you, miss?

! 62

TSEYMET: Look me in the eye, Strahinya.

STRAHINYA: The others are waiting for you, why don’t you go!

TSEYMET: You weren’t expecting that I, of all, would come. You thought

you were finished with me forever.

STRAHINYA: Would you, please, leave me alone...

TSEYMET: Look me in the eye, Strahinya.

STRAHINYA: Go away, or, I swear to God, I’ll kill you right here just so as

not to look at you. Go away, leave me, I hate the sight of you. Go, Tseymet,

now... go away. He pushes her away.

TSEYMET: No, I won’t go.

STRAHINYA: Get away from me you Turkish bitch!

! 63

BOSHKO: Goes to Strahinya. Did she remind you of the old love, did she

Strahinya?

STRAHINYA: It’s over. Shut up.

BOSHKO: Is it possible that she’s the bitch we threw out?!

STRAHINYA: It’s over Boshko, would you leave it, please.

BOSHKO: You don’t have any doubts, do you? You didn’t think that Lazar

would bring up a Turkish child in his house, didn’t you? Tell her to go

Strahinya, or I will.

STRAHINYA: All right, now, it’s enough. We’ll sit down as if nothing had

happened. Everything’s over, and no one knows for this. Except you. It’s over...

BOSHKO: All right.

The situation at the table is getting more and more out of hand due to alcohol. Fatima and

Tseymet are on the table. After Strahinya sent her away from him, Tseymet gets on the table

! 64

again and starts to dance – first slowly and provocatively and then faster and faster, flirting

openly with other men. Strahinya watches her, frozen. Boshko looks at him suspiciously.

BOSHKO: That’s enough, you whore! He takes out his gun. I’ll kill you if

Strahinya won’t!

STRAHINYA: Boshko, don’t.

BOSHKO: I’ll kill her!

STRAHINYA: No. I won’t let you. If you should kill someone, kill me. I am a

coward. They don’t know. They don’t know anything about us. Nothing at all.

Do you know why? Because I was too much of a coward to tell them... I’m a

worm, Boshko. I’m a coward. They don’t even know that we’re married,

Tseymet. I haven’t told them. It wasn’t them that threw you out, it was me.

Because I was afraid.

BOSHKO: Come on, you two, beat it. Get out of my sight.

! 65

LAZAR: Strahinya, my friend, are you with the Turks, too?!

STRAHINYA: I’m fed up with you. With you and history and everything. Has

anyone asked me what I want? I’m sick of your taking sides and your clans and

power... celebration... of your fucking ancestors. I’m sick of it, Tseymet. Wait

for me outside. I’m going now. Don’t look for me, you won’t find me.

He goes out.

VLATKO: Traitors everywhere, my Lazar.

LAZAR: Well said, Vlatko. Woe to us. We’ll be done soon enough. Everyone

finds some heavenly things more important. Love, science, happiness. And no

one is aware that we’ll perish like that. We don’t need a scientist or a lover, my

Vlatko. Look how many of us are left. If a Turk came in now... he’d finish with

us in no time. How can we survive when everyone wants to build castles in the

air, and all we need is them to obey and procreate? That’s all we need. Simple

reproduction. Oh, my Vlatko, that’s what we are like. We are neither West nor

East, neither Heaven nor Earth.

! 66

VLATKO: Let’s drink something. You seem to need it.

BOSHKO: Lazar, let’s show the Turks that we’re still here. Let them know that

we haven’t gone to the basement. He takes his gun and fires into the ceiling. He shoots

the lamp, which crashes on the ground. Lazar and Vlatko barely manage to avoid the lamp

falling on them.

VLATKO: You imbecile!!!

WITH THE TURKS, in front of “Turbe” fast oriental food restaurant. They

are smoking.

Murad, Herr Efrie, Bayazid, Yakub, Telal, Tseymet, Fatima, later on Strahinya

BAYAZID: So, what do you say, Osman, Milosh made a bow to you and kissed

your feet?

! 67

OSMAN: Yes, he was so delighted and happy with Herr Murad’s present that

he knelt to the ground and said, “I want to kiss the hand that has touched Herr

Murad, whom I bow before!” There, that is roughly what he said... He also said

that he would do everything that was in his power to help us... I think that they

have already left the restaurant because Milosh persuaded them to go away and

not be a pain in the neck.

YAKUB: Dad, what do you think about forgetting the Serbs and getting down

to another business, like for example purchase? This whole story is getting very

boring to me!!!

BAYAZID: Why are you lying, Osman?

OSMAN: I am not lying, Herr Bayazid!!! By Allah!

Shots are heard from the restaurant accompanied with Boshko’s clamour.

YAKUB: Come closer, Osman. Osman approaches very slowly. Quicker, Osman.

Osman approaches. You swear by Allah...

! 68

OSMAN: I didn’t want to... Branken made me do everything... I even carried

his letters for the Serbs... I didn’t want to... he made me do it...

BAYAZID: Effi?

EFFI: That is right.

MURAD: Bayazid, we are off in an hour. Go gather all the vassals we have.

Put Osman into the first row.

OSMAN: Herr Yakub... Herr Bayazid... Herr Murad... I didn’t know... I really

didn’t know... I didn’t know.

Bayazid slaps him in the face.

EFFI: I have an important meeting, Herr Murad... If you would allow me to

come directly... I would be grateful to you. About those letters, he is right. Of

course I sent letters but I didn’t tell him to lie that the Serbs had gone.

! 69

MURAD: Nobody expects you to fight our battles, Herr Effi. You are not one

of us, after all.

EFFI: I will be there, Herr Murad, I will be there. Be assured of that.

He exits in haste.

MURAD: (To the girls) You two are not supposed to slink off for an inch! Let’s

go.

BAYAZID: The day has come. It has finally come. Today we are going to show

them where they belong to.

MURAD: Once upon a time, Osman, you would have been impaled. Since that

time we have civilised and changed a little. Of course, it is not us who will kill

you. Let them kill you. All we will do is name a street after you. When we

conquer it, we will need a hero... Your sacrifice, as a matter of fact, is not and

will not be heroic, it is only political. As far as Effi is concerned... night will

swallow him as well. We will get rid of him much more elegantly than of you.

Anyway, you are one of us, and we are in his country. That has to be respected,

! 70

even a little. Keep still and don’t show spite. You know what “spite” is? You

don’t know? An irrational resistance or, even better – a defiance of fate.

He exits.

YAKUB: You mustn’t lie, Osman, your nose is going to grow! To be honest, I

don’t have a clue how they can still occupy themselves with those wars of

theirs. Goodness, that Battle of Kosovo took place a thousand years ago...

Corpses, all they have in mind are corpses... They are corpses themselves.

Because they are closer to death than to life... Frankly, I don’t care about it... I

fell sorrier for the horses that got slain in that Kosovo... There, where they were

born, they carelessly trotted in the field, drank water, mated. Full of strength

and wish to live... there was only the sky between them and God. They were

brought to get killed for the faith. You can understand it, Osman, but the

horses? Can they understand? Please, is there a difference between the faith of

an Arabian and that of a Lipizzaner? They have only one faith, that is – grass...

some water... and the most important thing for their confession – the wind in

their ears while galloping. If everybody had dismounted on that day, could you

tell me what would have happened? Nothing. The horses would only have

scattered, mingled and grazed. That field was their tomb, the field covered with

! 71

green, tasty grass. Through the middle of that wavy meadow, I heard, ran a

greenish, clear river. To them it must have been very, very strange. The fact that

they were dying where they would otherwise have been running and graying...

and the fact that the water suddenly turned completely red. Blood-red... To

them it was inexplicable. But, let’s accept things as they are! He fixates him with

an angry glare. Come on, move!

All exit, except for Tseymet and Fatima, music is heard, a kind of turbo-folk march, during

that time the two of them stand still, enters Strahinya and the music abruptly stops.

STRAHINYA: Tseymet... Here... I have come...

Fatima lowers her head lest he should see her face and runs away.

TSEYMET: You fool.

STRAHINYA: They are done over with. Now it’s only us that matters.

TSEYMET: There is no “us” any longer.

! 72

STRAHINYA: Don’t say like that, Tseymet. Don’t. Is there any place for me

there by your side? May I sit by your side, may I? What do you say, Tseymet?...

May I? Just for a moment. She moves aside and the two of them are now sitting side by

side on a very small space. They are not looking at each other. They keep silent. That’s how

it goes... in life... always upside down. This morning I was thinking that this day

would be full of monotony, but now... so many things have happened. It is

incredible that everything happens when you expect it the least. You see, I was

dying with desire to see you for the first ten days. I got a little relaxed and

started thinking about something else when there was you... like a bolt from the

blue. No, no, that is really strange, that illogicality law...

TSEYMET: They are going to kill your folks, Strahinya. They are going to kill

them all.

STRAHINYA: ...and then all that pressure on me, get married, get married,

and they told me I was incapable, hey, I was incapable...

TSEYMET: They went there to kill them! Do you realise what it means?

STRAHINYA: I don’t care about that, Tseymet. Not a bit.

! 73

TSEYMET: What do you care about? About me. I don’t love you. You don’t

exist in my heart any longer. Now you are all alone, if you don’t have your own

any more, then you are all alone in this world.

STRAHINYA: I will love you, Tseymet. I will love you for both of us. Well, it

is not hard for me! Believe me, you are predestined to me, even if I am not

predestined to you. You are all I need. All I need from sunrise to sunset. Like...

a daily dose of vitamins. If only for ten seconds a day. To touch you and to

know you exist. That’s all I need.

TSEYMET: Murad is going to kill all your folks. Help them. Don’t you care?

Are you such a coward that you can’t even get killed like a man?

STRAHINYA: I haven’t been a man all until now. Now when I am afraid. I

am afraid because I love you. I can neither go to that or this side. I can only go

with you. That is why I am afraid of dying, Tseymet... I am terrified.

TSEYMET: Why didn’t you think like that before?

! 74

STRAHINYA: Of course, I did think like that before. I needed time to uproot

all of them from my heart, all my folks. Tseymet, I have come and I am going

to stay all until some of your family appears. Now I am resolved to give my life

a sense. I will stay here.

Tseymet is curled up and does not speak. Strahinya keeps silent for a long time and looks at

Tseymet. Then, as if something had snapped within him, Strahinya turns around and starts

toward the exit.

TSEYMET: Do you still remember those five days when we met every night

at the railway station? That dirty toilet. That musician who played that

instrument with a funny name...

STRAHINYA: The balalaika.

TSEYMET: Yes, that’s it! Then it rained one night and I fell into a pond near

that gate behind which stood that horrible dog with a lot of skin around his

head...

STRAHINYA: The mastiff of Naples.

! 75

TSEYMET: Yes, yes! Then we ran like mad. We were happy because nobody

knew we were together. We made up the names for the embassies of the

countries we could go to, you remember?

STRAHINYA: The Embassy of the Republic of Mango and Papaya.

TSEYMET: The Embassy of the Federal Republic

Whogivesafigwhatyouthinkasia.

STRAHINYA: The North Republic of Mystery.

TSEYMET: Then you saw me home. I know that you would, when I came in,

wait for the whole night in front of the house.

STRAHINYA: How did you know it?

TSEYMET: I watched you. I could watch you for hours.

STRAHINYA: And I could watch you for days.

! 76

TSEYMET: And I could watch you for years.

TSEYMET: If you kiss me now, please make it last for many years.

STRAHINYA: If you don’t trust me now, please let it be now and never again.

TSEYMET: I have something else to tell you. But we are not safe here. Now I

am afraid again. It is strange.

Bayazid, who has got back, approaches him from behind, pulls out his gun and aims at his

head. Tseymet keeps silent, in shock.

STRAHINYA: It is good that we are afraid... The more we feel fear, the more

we love life. Tiny, humble, comfortable life. Life with you. We are going to live,

Tseymet, you and I, we are going to live as we wished, with no name and

surname. Together, Tseymet. What do you say?

Bayazid shoots.

! 77

BAYAZID: I saw him sneaking and entering the house. Did he harm you?

TSEYMET: (Petrified with shock. To Strahinya) An idiot...

BAYAZID: He is really a fool when he thought to sneak in behind our back.

He was quite mad or very brave. He didn’t bother to hide much. I am off.

He exits.

TSEYMET: An idiot... You made an idiot of yourself again...

The same Central European theatre again. Another “Wilhelm Tell” performance is in

progress. Wolf and Effi are now looking round in the same way as the first time, but it is

more nervous this time. They look round all until the moment when their eyes meet

accidentally. They quickly turn their heads forwards. There is the sound of “Wilhelm Tell”

in the background, and the music, which is becoming more dramatic by the moment. The two

of them gaze in front of themselves and speak.

! 78

***

STAUFFACHER:

We are unarmed. Everything is in vain. A forest of spears surrounds us all.

MELCHTAL:

Oh, I would we had rebelled at once!

May God forgive whoever put that off!

GESSLER: To Tell.

Come! One does not carry arrows in vain.

The deadly weapon is a dangerous friend,

Even an archer can be shot by one.

That shameless right your peasant lays claim to

Is such a terrible offence for the One

Who is this country’s greatest overlord?

The rulers sole are allowed to have arms.

If you are pleased to carry arms with you,

All right, but I will give you a proper mark.

! 79

TELL: Draws his bow.

Make place for me! I need an open way!

***

EFFI: We seem to be on the verge of the remake of a battle that took place

1000 years ago.

WOLF: Civilisation progresses with grasshoppers’ jumps, my Begber. If a wind

blows into its face, it sometimes happens that it falls behind the place from

which it jumped.

EFFI: The motives for the battle that took place 1000 years ago were a

reflection of political or economical power or lack of power, and by the same

token they were reasonable and politically explicable. These present ones look

as if they were a reflection of a deep emotional adolescent crisis.

! 80

WOLF: I think it is time we took the things into our own hands. A deal

between you and me, with slight political cunning, will be enough to turn the

tables.

EFFI: What about spite?

WOLF: All that can be solved. With some persuasion and financing at the right

place, I think I can easily defeat even spite. Vlatko will gladly accept a

percentage of certain affairs you are now engaged in. That means you would

get the restaurant. I am sure that we can make an arrangement with Vlatko. He

does not have a strong wish to die, and he is an authority, even Lazar respects

his opinion.

EFFI: Why are you doing all this, Herr Branken? You know, you’re not

responsible for all that has been going on. The price is too high. My reasons are

explicable, but what about yours? You have no profit at all from this what you

do, on the contrary.

WOLF: It might be that I am correcting the incorrigible, but maybe by praising

life I provide myself with hope. There is no person that is more eager than me

! 81

to get his nation’s head out of a thousand-year-long enrapture by culprits,

threats, chivalry, death, pride and suffer. If they ask me later what remained to

us when we lost everything that made us such, I will tell them – tomorrow’s

day. Uncertain, but full of hope. It takes me a lot of time to make them all not

look at yesterday, but at tomorrow, but I rejoice in this success, too. If the

restaurant is a problem, Herr Branken, then you are going to get the restaurant

as well. The times are such that one needs to survive. One petty exception will

take place. There will be no dead. There will not be any, even if I should take

the responsibility for being called a traitor.

EFFI: At least for a while, Herr Branken. Not even we are interested in that

restaurant any longer. It has become a symbol and matter of principles. As

such, it has only become a problem, the problem we have to get rid of. Let it be

so at least for the beginning, and then we will leave it to its owner. Who needs

such a millstone? Personally, I would like to see arguments not supported by

arms this time. Just like you, I think that is not a great advance, but it is an

advance...

***

! 82

STAUFFACHER:

What? You want to do it, Tell? – Never so!

Your hands are shaking, tremble’s in your knees –

TELL: (He puts the arrow away from his face)

The dark is gathering before my eyes!

WOMEN:

Oh, saviour of our lives! Heavenly God!

TELL: To the governor.

Excuse me from this shot.

Here is my heart so you can shoot at it!

(He tears his shirt and exposes his breast)

And call your horsemen, summon them to come,

Tell them to tread me over with the hoofs!

GESSLER:

! 83

It is your shot I want, and not your life.

- You can do everything, afraid of none;

You lead the stern as deftly as the bow,

You don’t feel dread from the raging storm,

When someone asks your help for saving them.

NOW, REDEEMER OF THE FOLK, SAVE YOURSELF!

WALTER TELL:

Oh, father, take shot, I’m not afraid!

TELL:

It has to be done!

***

WOLF: We are going to make a contract with Vlatko and Lazar. You just put it

down on paper, and I will talk to them in the meanwhile. Don’t worry, when

! 84

you come, they will be informed and willing to sign it. You think that you can

guarantee for Herr Murad?

EFFI: For him, yes. For Bayazid, no, but he is going to listen to his father.

Murad is a wise and calm man. He is a pragmatic, and unless he has to, he will

sooner turn to peace than to war. We don’t have much time. I am off and I am

coming with Murad’s signature. You just be there, Herr Branken.

WOLF: I will, Herr Begber. Believe me, I think that we will soon be sitting

together and laughing at all this. Those are the Balkanians, anyway. Our

reconcilements are as emotional as our quarrels. Effi exits in haste. Wolf remains

alone. If they ever take place.

***

TELL:

My son has got no injury at all;

And may the everlasting God help me!

! 85

***

We can see again the shadow of the man who set behind them. While Wolf stands, he leaves.

At the “Kosovo” restaurant. Lazar, Vlatko, Boshko and Fehmi, later Bayazid, Yakub,

Murad, Efri, Wolf, Milosh.

VLATKO: Lazar, if they attack us now, we’ll be done.

LAZAR: Everything is already lost, anyway.

BOSHKO: No, Lazar. Why should we give up so easily? I’ll attack them on my

own, if I should! We never give up! Never. I never give up. Even if there are a

million of them, we’ll all die here, till the last. Let that happen, but the border

will be here.

VLATKO: Don’t behave so foolishly, you idiot. We’d better withdrawn. We’ll

die anyway, somewhere... maybe in a car accident or in a plane. Why here and

now?! I know that I won’t die in bed, but it doesn’t have to be in a restaurant.

! 86

FEHMI: Gentlemen, if you’ve finished with your celebration... you might as

well go... it’s closing time.

BOSHKO: You’ll close when I tell you, not before that.

FEHMI: The girls have to clean up. You can stay, socialize, and drink... but we

have to go home, if you don’t mind.

LAZAR: Come on.

VLATKO: Let’s go.

BOSHKO: You’re not going anywhere.

Efri enters.

EFRI: Good evening, gentlemen, the Serbs...

VLATKO: Who are you?

! 87

LAZAR: Do we know each other?

EFRI: Well, I’m Herr Wolf ’s friend...

BOSHKO: Please, proceed.

EFRI: Actually, I’m Herr Murad’s personal assistant.

BOSHKO: Very interesting. How’s the business going? How’s the “Murad Oil”

firm? I’ve heard your are present in the bourse.

EFRI: Actually, the firm is “Murad & Sons Oil”. Mister Branken is not here?

BOSHKO: Unfortunately not. Will you wait for him here?! He’s getting closer and

closer to him. He’ll be here any minute now. Suddenly, he grabs him by his neck and

starts strangling him. He takes his gun. Where are the others? Speak! Speak, you

Turk!

! 88

EFRI: I’m German, sir. I’m German. I’m bringing you an offer for

cooperation. A contract, sir...

VLATKO: What contract?

EFRI: We haven’t exactly decided yet, Herr Wolf and I, the solution will

probably be locatio conductio rerum...

VLATKO: Well, that would suit all of us!!

EFRI: ... perhaps just acomodatum... that’s a good offer!

VLATKO: What offer?

EFRI: Empio venditio, if you agree, would be the most realistic...

VLATKO: Oh, that. I absolutely agree. Though, would you, please, explain to

me all the consequences of the act?

! 89

EFRI: That would be a sales contract. Or, more simply, selling the territories.

In addendum we would also have a contract on cooperation and mutual

understanding. That contract would be of mutual benefit for us. At least,

consider it. Let’s be rational, let’s find a compromise. Think about ombudsman.

If we reach the common resolution we can turn it later on into a legal act. Let’s

solve the conflict in a civilized and European manner... I talked about that with

Herr Wolf and he agreed... I cannot see why he has not told you that.

Wolf Branken enters.

Herr Wolf, what took you so long? Would you, please, explain to them, it seems

they don’t know for our agreement?

WOLF: Herr Efri... My car suddenly broke. As if someone had known for our

plan and had tore the cables on my engine... I’m sorry, Herr Efri...

BOSHKO: You had to betray, Herr Wolf! You couldn’t help it, you scum! I’ll

kill you, you traitor, be it the last thing I do. I had enough of watching you

destroying my pride, bit by bit. I had enough of being spat at. I’ll resist you all,

you leeches, bloodsuckers, lizards... You want to throw everything under their

! 90

feet, to humiliate yourselves, to sell, to... I know everything, I watch TV, and

I’m not stupid... You want to make me cease to exist. Well, you won’t, you

won’t till I’m alive!

WOLF: Efri, I really tried, I did my best...

BOSHKO: You did too much, Wolf, did give too much away. But no one asked

you to, you infidel. Who are you to dispose with us on your will, who gave you

the right to be the solution? We are the majority. The I-like, the med, crazy,

strong, and undefeatable. I’m the fucking principle. I, not you. Such like you do

not exist. You think you’re a rule whereas you really are a shitty exception.

WOLF: You’re wrong. The man you’re holding is probably the last chance for

all of us: both those that are the rule and the exceptions.

BOSHKO: The last chance for what? For me to survive. To be shapeless as

you, you worm.

WOLF: No, not for that. You don’t necessarily have to survive. You tell me I

am not a Serb enough. That I am a coward. I respect my country, I treasure it

! 91

deep in my heart and don’t squander it. For me, my country is the yard of the

house I was born in. The fence at my grandma’s in the country. There, in the

heart of Shumadia . I’m from Shumadia. Do you know at all where Shumadia 6

is? Shumadia with its thousand shades in the summer, calm as if asleep and

even calmer in winter, covered in snow, and tame. You can hardly distinguish

white houses in all that snow, only their red roofs tell them out. Smoke ascends

from the stoves inside and rises high in the sky. In summer, a shabby dog is

always in front of the house. It occasionally barks at passers-by and steadily

guards the yard. The picture is so vivid as if I were looking at them now. My

grandpa and the dog are sitting by the well. In the lime tree shade, grandpa

smokes and drives the flies away, he occasionally pats the dog and says, “God,

just save us from the war”. He’s a coward. His grandpa sat just like that, by the

same well, and his grand-grand-grandpa, many centuries ago. That same

grandfather of his, during WW I, at the Serbian border, rushed into the battle,

fell down, shot, and kissed the earth, kissed the grass, pressed the turfs against

his face. He died for the country that gave him life, and not because he hated it,

not because he hated it, like you... How can we save our honor in the eyes of

the others if you hate it? How? How can we save our honor when all you have

been doing till now was eating and thinking that one measures his national

Region in the central Serbia6

! 92

pride by the quantity of food and drinks consumed! Well, it’s not like that.

There’s something more to it. There are a few more details that define us as a

nation beside hedonism, brandy, war and hot peppers. But you’ve decided

everything in your head, luckily, it’s much easier for you than for me. Your

world is black and white. You disregard everything that does not fit in such a

system, even if the price you have to pay for your stupidity is death. Future

belongs to you and the you-like, my friend. I cannot stop it any more.

BAYAZID enters. He is alone. He holds a gun in his hand.

BAYAZID: Salaam, the Serbs. BAYAZID ONE MAN SHOW. BAYAZID

THE ORIENTAL!!!

Shadows of other Turks can be seen all around. Lazar sees an apparition. The light from

above falls on him and he addresses the imaginary person who, he thinks, is God.

LAZAR: This is the moment when we will a) run away or b) die. There is too

little of us to stay and too many to manage to all run away. a) Glory or b) the

restaurant. a) Heaven or b) Earth. I have to consider the possibilities. If I ran

right away I might manage to sneak away while they are still dealing with

! 93

Boshko. Though, having in mind all the quarrels and divisions among us, I do

not trust anyone any more. Maybe Boshko himself will shoot if I run away?

What if I stay? Tales will be told about me, books written, TV series made,

songs sung. They will probably make up that someone is the guilty one, Wolf

Branken, for example. The only thing my people cannot accept is defeat. It’ll be

easier for them to think that someone betrayed them than that we were

infected by dissension. Let them have it their own way. We waged so many wars

that I’ll disappear in the inflation of heroes. And war is not that popular, as we

would want it to be. The world thinks that’s not civilized. For the time being, at

least. I better run away. Though, when I look better, it seems I got carried away

talking and we are completely besieged now. Any attempt to escape would be

pointless. My dilemma is solved all by itself. I have to stay now – because that’s

the only logical thing. Here, that’s how the great riddles of humanity are

solved... All by themselves. I just have to think of something that’ll remain for

future generations... Maybe the most becoming thing to be said at this historical

moment is this:

Death cannot be escaped by postponing anyway, but the glory is much lessened

when we try to avoid it. Is death anything but the end to all evil? The brave are

lucky, and victory is not gained through numbers, but through courage of

soldiers and wisdom of commanders. Justice is on our side, because the enemy

! 94

stepped on our soil and occupied many places. We are in hardship that makes

the greatest cowards courageous. God’s judgment will be fulfilled in me.

BOSHKO: If you’ve finished, I’ll sign that contract of yours. You, Wolf

Branken, will pay me first. He fires his gun.

A general war, we can occasionally see the wounded get up and collapse again. Suddenly,

everything turns into a football match between Turkey and Yugoslavia. The flags are raised.

Fans are cheering. Everything turns into the Eurovision song contest. The hymn of the

contest is heard. We see two presenters. It all looks like a horror-show. The participating

countries are Uzbekistan, Azerbaijan, Ingushetia, Nagorno-Karabakh, Chechnya,

Kurdistan, Luxemburg, San Marino, Serbia, Croatia, Macedonia, Bosnia, etc. The light

fades out.

THE MALE PRESENTER: Good evening, ladies and gentleman. We are

calling the studio in the romantic capital of Ingushetia.

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: Good evening Nazran!

! 95

FROM THE STUDIO IN INGUSHETIA: I am afraid that we are

experiencing some technical difficulties.

(The noise is heard as if Ingushetia was cut off)

THE MALE PRESENTER: I am afraid that we have lost Ingushetia.

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: But, we can give them two points for trying!

THE MALE PRESENTER: Yes, Ingushetia, two points for trying.

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: l’Ingushetia, deux points!

THE MALE PRESENTER: And now we are going to the beautiful

Kyrgyzstan.

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: Good evening to you Bishkek. We can feel

the tension from here!

! 96

THE MALE PRESENTER: (The sounds of war. Mumbling, yelling and roaring

sounds are heard) And we can certainly hear how the Kyrgyzstanians are

celebrating!

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: Kyrgyzstan, seven points for the sound

effects!

THE MALE PRESENTER: Kyrgyzstan, sept points!

THE FEMALE PRESENTER: And this is the end of the Euroasianvision

contest. Good night to all of you in Dushanbe, Baku, Belgrade, Zagreb,

Podgorica, Prishtina, Almaty, Ashgabat, Tashkent, Bishkek, Xankändi…

THE MALE PRESENTER: Good night to you Europasia!

The winning song is heard. It is in German. The lyrics are about love, the sun and the sea.

The Turks are obviously the winners, because all the Serbs are dead, save for Lazar who is

badly wounded. They sit at the table. Murad is in the middle.

! 97

MURAD: Victory is great and sweet when complete.

MILOSH enters with a gun in his hand. He is wounded but he is still on his feet.

MURAD: Don’t be afraid, Milosh. I’ll be merciful in my victory, too. I don’t

really care to kill you all. If you want, I’m offering you to be my vassal. Sit next

to me, Milosh. Milosh sits next to Murad. That’s right. With me, you’ll have much

more than you have now. Isn’t that nice, Milosh. Say, isn’t Murad great and

merciful?

MILOSH: Yes, yes. It takes me a while to understand. I’m not that lucid

sometimes.

MURAD: Come on, help yourself, Milosh. You must be hungry. We don’t eat

pork like you anyway.

Milosh puts his gun on the table, and Bayazid takes it right away. A pause and then

laughter is heard again. They look at each other silently, but eventually Milosh starts eating.

Suddenly, he takes the spit and kills Murad with it. Everyone is silent for a moment.

! 98

MILOSH: I’m only asking you, Bayazid, to tell to burry my at Lazar’s feet.

BAYAZID: You’re not afraid?

MILOSH: No, this will be over soon, and I’d have been a traitor forever.

BAYAZID: It’ll be over soon.

Bayazid kills Milosh.

MURAD: The victory is great but not that sweet any more... Lazar is still alive,

he moves. What was the saying, “When the time comes, blind is the eye of

wisdom”, or something like that. The infidel killed me, but not like water with

glittering dirk that brings quick death, no, he gave me a slow and painful death.

There is a thing I haven’t told you which is important for every ruler to know.

Please, sons, if you want this power over the conquered to be long lasting do

not be harsh and bitter to the Serbs... Stay away from what’s theirs, their law,

and their honesty, do not avenge, and keep everyone else away from that. My

death had to be. That’s what war is like. Like it’s said, sitting on a mattress and

! 99

smoking is not the way to conquer an empire. Well, isn’t it so? Ha, ha... Bayazid,

my son, let me see that Lazar leaves this world before I do, it’ll be easier for me.

Bayazid goes to Lazar and kneels down by his side. He raises his head.

LAZAR: God’s judgment will be fulfilled in me.

BAYAZID: In a few moments, while dying, you should think this, “Bayazid

knows that I have a daughter, Olivera.” I’ll take her. There’ll be no one of your

own blood in this world any more.

LAZAR: I’ll die so as to be alive forever.

Bayazid drags Lazar in front of Murad and breaks his neck.

MURAD: That’s right. I fell well now... I feel better already... He dies.

YAKUB: He died. What are we going to do now, Bayazid? Are you going to kill

me? You know you don’t have to, you can let me live. I’m your brother after

all... Bayazid, my brother... Bayazid points his gun at Yakub. Can you show some

! 100

mercy? I’m afraid, Bayazid! I’m afraid of darkness, Bayazid! I don’t want to go

in darkness. By Allah, Bayazid, I beg you...

BAYAZID: Stop it! Shut up!

Yakub straightens up and raises his head high. It is obvious that he is terrified.

YAKUB: Pull yourself together, Yakub! Pull yourself together... Easy. Be

realistic. It’s better to die at once, than bit by bit every day. What a terror to

stand for the sake of a single breath. I won’t bother you. I’ll be brave. Here, I’m

brave! At that moment, Yakub mobile rings, the programmed “Carmina Burana” melody is

heard. Yakub thinks that that will prolong his life for at least a second. He reaches for the

phone. May I answer? Bayazid? Let me answer! Please...

Bayazid shoots.

Yakub’s phone keeps ringing. Bayazid stands still over the corpses. The light slowly fades out.

Bayazid is alone.

BAYAZID: I KEPT MY WORD AND TOOK OLIVERA TO MY SERAI.

WOLF BRANKEN ENDED UP IN MY PRIVATE JAIL, WHERE, AFTER

SOME TIME, HE DIED. I OCCUPIED ALL THE SERBIAN

! 101

TERRITORIES IN DUSSELDORF AND A FEW YEARS LATER, WHEN

I TRIED TO OCCUPY THE EAST SUBURBIA OF DUSSELDORF, THE

RUSSIAN-MONGOLIAN MAFIA OF TAMERLANE THE GREAT

CAUGHT ME. THE TURKS IN MY GUARD RAN AWAY AND LEFT ME

WITH THE SERBIAN VASSALS THAT GOT KILLED TRYING TO

SAVE ME. TAMERLANE KEPT ME IN CUSTODY FOR SOME TIME

HOPING TO GET A RANSOM FOR ME. HOWEVER, THE RANSOM

WAS NOT PAID AND I ENDED UP IN GREAT PAIN...

Bayazid exits. There are bodies piled everywhere. Limbs are entwined making a shapeless

mass. Someone moans. Then, he starts making his way through the arms, legs and heads, and

we can see that that is Fehmi, dying. The German girl, who was hidden behind the bar,

approaches him cautiously, carrying a wet handkerchief. She puts his arms around him and

raises his head.

FEHMI: It’s late... you know... you should clean and lock up... it’s a mess... you

can go then... and turn off the lights... it hurts... it hurts. We must open

tomorrow, too... it’s a working day...

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GERMAN GIRL: It’s not late, sir, I’ve called the Police, just hang on for a

while. I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. I know such wounds. It’s not that

serious. Just take deep breaths and it’ll be fine... Oh, my God, oh God... The

ambulance will be here in no time, in no time. They know their job well...

excellent, just take deep breaths...

Meanwhile, Fehmi has died, silently. The inspector appears at the door. He stops for a second,

then takes out his mobile and comes into the room. Tseymet appears behind him at the door.

The inspector is holding torn engine cables in his hand. He throws them in the corner.

INSPECTOR: He dials a number. It’s all over. Yes, yes, everything is just right.

The Police will be here any time now. Thank you, thank you, I was just doing

my job. Of course, we shall take the greatest possible advantage of the

situation. Yes, of course. If you ask me, I would help their government, too.

Not publicly, of course. What is a decade or a century to us, lives sacrificed for

justice, careers destroyed, mass graves, dead people, revolutions, swollen

corpses – nothing more... Washing machine will clean that up in no time... yes...

yes... ha, ha...! We are eternal. We used this the best we could. Now that we are

left without enemies we have to find out a new one... He turns and sees Tseymet.

Are you related? Tseymet is silent. She just crouches silently, broken down with pain. It’ll

! 103

be all right, Miss. The world will be much cleaner without these people. We

created and destroyed them, got them up and back down safely. A few victims

more or less... What could we do when they themselves rushed ahead? Whether

they are clean or not – the interest will decide, not God... We created him, too,

so that people could think it was possible to forgive. I’ll be honest with you, we

created all the religions, so as to be able to use some people several times, when

their people forgive them. “Away, the ungrateful mob”, said Danton in front of

the guillotine. It’s just that we know the people a bit better. Go, the Police will

come any moment now, and if they find you here... but it’s up to you. Whatever

you please.

The inspector exits.

A year later, Tseymet throws garbage in front of a fast-food restaurant. With a plastic bag

in her hand, she slowly collects garbage scattered in the street. With her head bent down, she

just bluntly and mechanically picks rubbish and puts it in the bag. There is a boy behind her

who can hardly be seen. He holds to her skirt, hiding. As if wanting to become one with his

mother. He is so scared. While Tseymet talks to him a married couple with a small child

passes by. An utterly clean and civilized married couple with an utterly clean and civilized

boy. They stop to take a picture. Unexpectedly, Tseymet addresses them.

! 104

TSEYMET: Not much time had passed before the “Kosovo” restaurant was

sold to a chain of fast-food restaurants. Nothing indicated the past events. All

those saints, shehits, Janissaries, flag bearers of this or that, were covered with a

layer of fresh paint, tiles and photos with various sandwiches on them. Their

blood, intermingled, as in the first battle, was mixed with cement and sand

lavishly spent so as to cover all the traces of slaughter. Life, like a tided river,

found its meanders and flooded and erased the past that won’t even be

remembered. The Police classified the case under the gang-clash files. No one

sang about nor mourned those who took part in the “incident”. I had cried my

eyes out much before that. Not much after, one of the Gods gave me a son.

He was born, accidentally, by a synagogue where I felt labor pains while

cleaning. A rabbi came, rang a hospital and took me to it. While we were in the

car to hospital I was screaming with pain, and he was saying prayers so as to

soothe my pain. He was the first to see the child. My son is of many nations,

has many names, speaks many languages, he will live in many countries. His

face will be the one that gives hope. Till the end of my time, and the end of my

world, he marks the point from which I count the time. It’s the fifth day, the

seventh month, the second year. Of the age of my son.

! 105

The clean and civilized father takes a picture of her.

THE END

! 106