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Bucket list: (clockwise

from top) One of 

Kovalam’s three

crescent-shaped

beaches (Mark E

Dyer/Flickr.com/Photos/Markedyer);

the seafood comes

recommended by the

locals(SangeethaSubhash/Kothiyavunu.com);

and the nude mermaid

statue at

Shanghumugham(Midhun

Manmadhan/Flickr.com/Photos/Midhunam).

Beach bums: A

crowded Hawah beach

at sunse t in Kovalam(

Peter 

Fristedt/Wikimedia

Commons); and (right)

toddy in an earthen

pot(Vinay

Kudithipudi/Wikimedia

Commons).

paradise.

Interestingly, one of the beaches (Hawah beach)

used to be known for topless European women who

used to frequent the place during the hippie era,

but the government of Kerala has put its foot down

and banned toplessness, insisting that only temple

sculptures can portray female nudity.

Thiruvananthapuram has changed as a city in the

last decade. From being the temple-infested, hartal 

(strikes)-crazy Communist capital of Kerala, it has

slowly morphed into an IT hub of sorts. Several

large Indian software companies have set up shop

in Kariavattom, a suburb to the north of the city, and

with that, for the first time in the city’s history, large

numbers of people from north of Hebbal flyover 

arrived. These weren’t families. These were college

freshers with jobs in IT companies.

Until then, north Indian men knew Kerala for one

reason alone. Shakeela. The legendary starlet of a

thousand B-grade movies from the only film industry

that was mature enough to separate soft

pornography from mainstream cinema (a distinction

Bollywood does not make even today), Shakeela was Kerala’s brand ambassador. The arty types knew

 Adoor Gopalakrishnan and his brand of depressing movies, and the rich knew Kerala as a tourist

destination. But this middle-class, 23-year-old engineering graduate from Roorkee, knew Shakeela. So

when this chap got off the train at Thampanoor station after a 187,465-hour journey from Delhi, the first

thing he wanted to do was watch a Mallu adult movie at the nearest theatre.

Once that was ticked off from his bucket list, he took

off to the disappointingly Juhu-like

Shanghumugham beach near the airport. Not to

experience the beach, because there isn’t one for 

the most part. There is, however, a large statue of a

mermaid, and to a visitor from the north, it’s the first

secular nude sculpture he has seen in his life.

Gaping at a temple nude tends to be detrimental to

one’s health. But at Shanghumugham, the gang will

ignore the sea and boldly indulge in Patel posesinvolving several parts of the mermaid’s anatomy,

and with that, the young north Indian male’s

immediate expectations (as per Maslow’s hierarchy

of needs) of Kerala are met.

 And that’s when a local will suggest that they go visit

Kovalam (sniggering a little under his breath, he

may also recommend the local seafood).

Kovalam, unlike Goa, does not feel like an

auditorium with several seats reserved for VIPs. The big five-star hotels do have their own private

stretches of sand but the wide, crescent-shaped beach that’s open to everyone feels like the real deal.

WED, DEC 25 2013. 07

14 PM

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28 PM

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  Share Tweet 0First Published: Fri, Sep 23 2011. 09 36 PM IST

▶

Shock and awe atKerala’s annual moviecarnival

In Goa, I always got the feeling that the posh hotels fenced off the best bits, but not in Communist Kerala.

There would have been a hartal outside the secretariat in Palayam if any greedy capitalist had attempted

to exploit Karl Marx’s own sand. Our northern ingénues will have the whole beach to explore.

The state transport bus from Thampanoor will deposit them a little away from the beach, and when this

assorted gang of Hindi-speakers, frustrated by the lack of mother-quality roti s and grandmother-quality

dal s, find themselves standing in front of pristine sand followed by endless water, there is a pause. No

words are spoken, but the faces ring out a loud “ Abeyaar, itna zyaada paani! ” when the boys, who’ve

lived all their lives in a part of India that’s at least 1,000km from the nearest sea, realize for the first time

the implications of the geography books that told them that earth was 71% water.

Some get shaken so much that they find it impossible to go anywhere near the water. The bolder ones

grow younger by 10 years at that moment, take off their shirts, roll up their pants and joyfully wade into

the sea. Several hours (and lot of itchy underpants) later, the gang is ravenous and will take up the

local’s advice to try eating species they have never eaten before.

The highway from Thiruvananthapuram to Kovalam is dotted with numerous kallu shops (yes, the ones

that bring in excise revenue), and so obtaining something to wash the seafood down is easily done. It’s

heady and intense, and goes well with a side of fish fry.

That’s when, emboldened by the sea and the kallu, they will try the crab. Shellfish are a handful for even

the most iron-clad stomachs, and to the dal-makhni softened innards of these north Indians, the shellfish

might as well have been fired from a cannon. The next two days will be spent crafting leave letters to

their companies, explaining that due to severe shellfish-induced gastrointestinal problems, they mightfind it difficult to make it to work.

But Kovalam, they will never forget. They will, armed with an H-1B visa, visit more beaches in their lives,

beaches in Florida, California and the Gulf Coast, but that “ Abeyaar”  moment will stay with them all their 

lives. And that mental note to avoid crab.

Write to lounge@livemint.com

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