Joel Young - Negotiation Skills

Negotiation – Vero 2013

To sustainably achieve goals as a team we must stay on the same page and avoid pretend agreements that result in resentment. This workshop teaches the skills of assertiveness and negotiation as well as theory on perceived power. This facilitates ownership, and mutuality, and avoids resentment.

Agenda: Personal Power and Perceived Power

o Power is as power is perceivedo Why do I say yes/no?

Ownershipo Pretend agreementso Resentment Check

What is Yes and Noo What’s the ‘need’ behind the ‘no’?o If I say yes do I mean it?

A good negotiator aims for mutual need meeting (bi-winning) not just ‘winning’!

Negotiation AwarenessWrite down some thoughts, feelings, and needs that activate when you think of negotiation.

I think_____________________________________________

I feel ______________________________________________

I need_____________________________________________

Our memories, associations, echos, welds and beliefs all come together to determine how well we assert ourselves. If we

don’t dismantle our defaults we are destined to disaster, that is, unless we had a perfect upbringing!.

Q. What did my parents (or caregiver) teach me about negotiation?

Mum ______________________________________________

Dad _______________________________________________

Who held the power!?_______________________________

Why? _____________________________________________

© Joel Young (2012) www.newinsight.co.nzWith acknowledgements to M. Rosenburg’s & D.Riddell for inspiration.

Notes:


Step 1 = Awareness of self and otherPut my judgments/strategy aside. What are my needs and feelings? What are their needs and feelings?

Step 2 = Expressing my need and Empathising with theirsWhen I notice:I feel:I have a need for:

Step 3 = Brainstorm (traditional negotiations)I would like…Would you consider…

Spinning Spanner of Death – (being addicted to our strategy)Psychodynamics kick in on difficult conversations with difficult people (that includes us sometimes).

e.g. Deep Hurts, Family Mottos, Outdated Beliefs.

Q. What are my vulnerabilities? ___________________

Q. What is my default spanner? ___________________

BoundariesNegotiation has to take place inside healthy boundaries. Fundamentals like; My feelings are my feelings. My needs are my needs. My actions are my actions.

Boundaries tell us what is ours and what isn’t.

Q. Are you aware of your own boundaries?

Without boundaries we take responsibility for what isn’t ours. Assertiveness is about protecting our boundaries or negotiating boundary lines. Without assertiveness people don’t know what our boundaries are.

“…their response is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY”.

Overstep and Pushback exercise.

Asserting my boundary felt ____________________.

Being pushed back on felt ______________________.

Without true negotiation we don’t agree on where the boundaries are. This is called a pretend agreement.


Notes:

“What bruises do I have that influence my negotiations?”


Pretend AgreementsI am in pretend agreement with ____________________.

Because I feel ________________ .

I find it difficult to be honest with them because ___________

__________________________________________________.

Pretend agreements breed resentment which results in distanced relationships. Taking time to think things over is different. Pretending you are thinking things over is also a pretend agreement.

Keys to negotiating more win/wins in my life:Change in thinking:

*___________________________________________

*___________________________________________

*___________________________________________

Change in action/technique:

*___________________________________________*___________________________________________

*___________________________________________

*___________________________________________

Recommended Recourses www.newinsight.co.nz

Strength Finders with Anna Sanford

Counselling/Coaching with Joel/other

Relate – Christopher Defibaugh

School of Living Wisdom

Boundaries Face to Face – Town and Cloudsend

______________________________


Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:

“My responsibility is to speak the truth in love and their response is their

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http://www.newinsight.co.nz/


Common Feelings

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Common Needs

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HONESTYauthenticityintegritypresence

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Joel Young - Negotiation Skills

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Transcript of Joel Young - Negotiation Skills