I've Been Raped by a Church: A Recovery Guide for those suffering from Church Abuse

8/13/2019 I've Been Raped by a Church: A Recovery Guide for those suffering from Church Abuse

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I’ve Been Rapedby a Church!

A Recovery Guidefor the Wounded

by Vicky Elizabeth Lynch

Bladensburg, Maryland

www.conquestpublishers.com


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Conquest PublishersA division of Conquest Industries LLC

P.O. Box 611Bladensburg, MD 20710-0611

www.conquestpublishers.com

Copyright © 2012 by Vicky Elizabeth Lynch

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be repro-duced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any form orby any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recordingor otherwise, without permission of the publisher.

ISBN 13: 978-09883809-0-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012949864

Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise noted, scriptures are taken from the King JamesVersion of the Holy Bible, 1769 edition, public domain. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy

Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 byTyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of TyndaleHouse Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights re-served.

Scriptures in chapter “Questions to Help Identify Church Abuse”taken from The New American Standard Bible, Copyright©1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by TheLockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Disclaimer: The author is not to be held liable for expressing whatis a personal opinion. The information presented in this book isnot meant to replace scriptural counseling and support by a bibli-cally functioning church body.


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Introduction xiii

Introduction

This story is true, although the names have beenchanged to protect the innocent. I share the details tobring truth to light regarding an all-too-common sce-nario: church abuse that borders on cultism and mindcontrol. As you read, you will discover several impor-tant things, including how to pray and intercede forthose in leadership. You will learn to determine whena shepherd has a heart for his people, and when theopposite is true. You will discover the importance ofthe spirit of discernment—that check in your spiritthat tells you that all is not well. I will also share an

exist within the four walls of a church building. Fi-nally, you will begin to understand the tactics andthe people that Satan uses to keep God’s people inbondage so that you can successfully protect yourselfand those you love from such betrayal.

who know how to operate in demonic realms that

oppress the children (also referred to as sheep) ofGod. The prince of Grecia and the prince of Persiawere demons who worked in those nations to opposeGod’s people. By the end of this book you will knowwhat to do if your leader is in that category. As you


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I’ve Been Raped by a Church! |xiv

Recovery Guide for the Wounded requires a great deal of

Although the word “rape” conjures all kinds of mental

images, remember that for our purposes the term meansusing power to manipulate others into doing what theywould not otherwise choose to do.

This book was written to expose what occurs whenchurch leadership develops its own agenda and fails tolisten and obey the voice of God concerning the people

of God. However, let me reassure you that there is hope.Not all politicians are crooked. Similarly, lawyers don’talways lie, and every pastor does not manipulate. Rather,I want to equip the people of God to be able to identifythe difference between faithful pastors—who love theirpeople the way God does—and those who have agendasof their own. Most important, it is imperative to stressthe need for healthy relationships and divine healing totake place, especially within the church.

Rape does not just occur in back alleys. It also occursin pulpits, pews, and behind closed doors in the sanctu-ary. But it is often misinterpreted as something else—ormissed entirely. When I realized how badly I was raped,it shocked me to my very core. People whom I trustedand opened myself up to for many years had perpetratedit. The very people who should have protected me tookadvantage of me in many different ways and left mescarred, isolated, and hesitant to step out of my shell totrust anyone again. And while I felt as if I’d been tied upand gagged, unable to run or scream, no one could take


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Introduction xv

away my personal relationship with God or his deep and escaped that I saw how a bucket of cold water had been

within me. Today, my deepest desire is to be a voice forthose in the same or similar situation. Through my ownpain, I learned to have a tender heart of compassion forother wounded people.

Have you ever wondered what it means to be raped and a spiritual rape is that, with the latter, the signs andsymptoms are not always visible.

Church should be a safe haven for people who are seek-ing salvation, healing, deliverance, restoration, and rec-onciliation. But because some men and women simplychoose to work out of a pulpit instead of being calledand anointed, they often operate out of their own fallennatures so that their people are bruised, bound, isolated,and derailed from their God-ordained destinies. In everycase, the abuse impairs the ability of the victim to hearGod’s voice and feel his tender compassion. In that place,victims lose their vision and feel anxious, even paralyzed,for fear of doing something that will bring down thewrath of the pastor. These people are often controlled,manipulated, and micro-managed, and their gifts are -sonal agenda. However, such leaders fail to recognizeone important fact: there will be a day of reckoning whenGod will demand to know whether they faithfully caredfor God’s people. The judgment for false shepherds willbe severe, because their people’s blood will be requiredat their hands.


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The sad reality is that people can be saved for years, before the Lord, but they will still bust hell wide openfor perpetrating assault on those God loves.

Such churches mirror the sibling rivalry of Cain andAbel. “And the Lord said unto Cain, ‘Where is Abel thy of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hathopened her mouth to receive thy brother’s blood fromthy hand’” (Genesis 4:9-11).

In our day, such things often take place in the churchbecause we’ve lost the heart and hunger for God thatwe once had, and we now settle for a counterfeit of thegospel and the abundant life. To prevent that, we mustcompare our pastors’ behaviors with the requirementsfor leadership outlined in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, which tells us:

bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then mustbe blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober,of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach; not patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth wellhis own house, having his children in subjection withall gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into thecondemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have agood report of them which are without; lest he fall intoreproach and the snare of the devil.’”

On the other hand, Luke 20:46-47 (NLT) says: “Beware


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Introduction xvii

of these teachers of religious law! For they like to parade as they walk in the marketplaces. And how they love theseats of honor in the synagogues and the head table at

banquets. Yet they shamelessly cheat widows out of theirproperty and then pretend to be pious by making longprayers in public. Because of this they will be severelypunished.”

down; unfortunately, so do confusion and disorder. Andsometimes the temptation is just too strong for somepastors to resist when there is money to be made at the

church’s expense.As a mother, it would be an indictment of my parent-

ing skills if my children grew up to become perfectly ca-pable adults who still lived at home because of a sense ofcodependency that I cultivated in them from childhood.Because it is my assignment to rear bold and courageousmen and women of God, I should not be content withbabysitting my own grown children. Unfortunately, thatis what some in the body of Christ are doing today. Thehouse of God has become a place where destinies are be-ing thwarted, and people are not prepared for freedomat the proper time to take care of the kingdom’s businessof winning souls.

Good parents always know, based on a child’s levelof maturity, when the child is ready to leave home andmake his or her own way. Loving parents want their childto excel beyond their own level of achievement. They are excels to a greater extent than the parents. That is exactlywhat’s missing in the leadership of today’s churches.


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Why has the church lost sight of what it means to de-

church. We must realize that leaders must no longer beallowed to get in the way of God’s moving in people’slives. While Scripture advises us to respect our leaders,it does not give them license to abuse the privilege.

As a victim of church abuse, I am not ashamed or fearful todeclare what God has shown me through my personal expe-rience. As the prophet Ezekiel said in chapter 34, verses 1-16:

“And the word of the lord came unto me, saying,Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Is-rael, prophesy, and say unto them, Thus saith theLord god unto the shepherds; Woe be to the shep-herds of Israel that do feed themselves! Should and ye clothe you with the wool, ye kill them that have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healedthat which was sick, neither have ye bound upthat which was broken, neither have ye broughtagain that which was driven away, neither haveye sought that which was lost; but with force andwith cruelty have ye ruled them. And they werescattered, because there is no shepherd: and they they were scattered. My sheep wandered throughall the mountains, and upon every high hill: yea, earth, and none did search or seek after them.


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Introduction xix

Therefore, ye shepherds, hear the word of thelord; As I live, saith the Lord god, surely because

no shepherd, neither did my shepherds search for the word of the lord; Thus saith the Lord god;Behold, I am against the shepherds; and I will shepherds feed themselves any more; for I will

not be meat for them. For thus saith the Lord god;Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and in the day that he is among his sheep that are scat-tered; so will I seek out my sheep, and will deliverthem out of all places where they have been scat-tered in the cloudy and dark day. And I will bringthem out from the people, and gather them fromthe countries, and will bring them to their ownland, and feed them upon the mountains of Israelby the rivers, and in all the inhabited places of thecountry. I will feed them in a good pasture, andupon the high mountains of Israel shall their foldbe: there shall they lie in a good fold, and in a fatpasture shall they feed upon the mountains of to lie down, saith the Lord god. I will seek thatwhich was lost, and bring again that which wasdriven away, and will bind up that which was


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I’ve Been Raped by a Church! |xx

broken, and will strengthen that which was sick:but I will destroy the fat and the strong; I will feedthem with judgment.”

In these last days, God is in the process of restoringpeople who have been abused by leadership. Now thatmy husband and I have stepped into pastoral roles inthe church, our greatest prayer is to treat the people ofGod with love, kindness, and sincere hearts. We cannotand will not abuse God’s beloved through mind control,manipulation, or ungodly guilt in order to perpetuate a

G.G. Bloomer wrote an excellent book titled Witchcraftin the Pews: Stop the Manipulation of Your Church, Fam-ily, and Faith witchcraft in the pews, but also in the pulpit, and mybroken marriage. By witchcraft, I mean the manipulationof a person’s mind against his will. It was not simply amatter of who was sitting next to me; it became a matterof who was preaching to me. It was my pastor’s desireto impose not only his will, but also his timeline, on me,which is why he was so upset when I decided to leave.

In Daniel chapter 10, the prince of the Persian king-dom held up Daniel’s prayer for twenty-one days. Likeso many of God’s chosen people, Daniel was doing ev-erything he could that he knew was right. He sincerelyhumbled himself before God. He fasted and sought theface of God in prayer. Yet, he didn’t understand that itwas not God who failed to answer his petitions; rather,they were being delayed behind the scenes as a war wenton between angels and hindering demon spirits in the


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Introduction xxi

won a mighty victory when God spoke to him directly to like Daniel. You worship God with your whole heart andhave been petitioning him for a very long time. You have

been living righteously before him, but never realized thesource of your real opposition.

It is one thing to step into a boxing ring and know thatyour opponent is the one throwing punches at you to know your adversary. However, what do you do whenyour true opposition is someone who is supposed to be -

vidual and receiving instruction, yet you never realizethat your downfall is because of an inside job. Whilesome church members, including adjutants, pastors andbishops, appear to stand with you, they are actually un-dermining your success.

“And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me uponmy knees and upon the palms of my hands. And he saidunto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understandthe words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: forunto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken thisword unto me, I stood trembling. Then said he unto me, thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself beforethy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thywords. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstoodme one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chiefprinces, came to help me; and I remained there with thekings of Persia. Now I am come to make thee understandwhat shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet thevision is for many days” (Daniel 10:10-14).


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Many times, I received prophetic messages from out-side preachers. After each one, my pastor would slyly the sarcasm in his tone and could see a lack of genuine

concern; clearly, he had no desire to see me receive myblessing.

Once I had escaped from under my pastor’s thumb andsought shelter under God’s mighty hand, God restoredall that the cankerworm had eaten. He restored my self- -ment. I am now at the place where God is manifestingand revealing what had been locked up for so long.

I am now serving notice that God is revoking the li-censes of those who care more about hindering his peoplethan blessing them.

He will demote leaders who have usurped their powerand authority over his people, leading so many astray—especially those who have sought to please men ratherthan pleasing God—promoting their own interests in-stead of God’s.

Scripture promises that he will seek out those who arelost. He will establish new leadership who will care forthe sheep and not scatter them. This new leadership willwork to heal the sick, restore the broken, welcome thelost, and use meekness and love to care for those in de-spair. The new leadership will be skilled to raise up afresh generation of powerful, anointed leaders.

In a relay race, a runner will complete his leg of the raceand then pass the baton to the next runner, who runs thenext leg of the race. Sadly, some older church leadersrefuse to pass on the baton, preferring to run the entirerace. They will ultimately have to face God’s wrath for


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Introduction xxiii

playing mind games and forcing God’s people to remainchildren rather than assuming adult leadership roles. Ihave served under leaders who purposely preventedtheir people from reaching their God-given destinies.

Leaders who fall into this category get in God’s wayand have no agenda but to stay in power and keep oth-ers in line.

I have also seen the other end of the spectrum and havethe utmost respect for real, godly leadership that seeks toempower the people of God. And while I respect leader-ship and submit to the authority of those whom God hasplaced over my life, they must be worthy of that trust.

I encourage you to seek out godly leadership that linesup with God’s agenda rather than man’s. But let me alsowarn you not to get so caught up with a church body thatyou forget God and his will for your life. If you choose making an unwilling pact with the devil—forever dis-qualifying yourself from running the race. And the realityis that your very soul is at stake.

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1. I’ve Been Raped!

had no visible scars or anything that would showup on a rape kit. If I could, I would have called 9-1-1and said:

“My name is Amariah! Please help me! I’ve beenraped, and I need help now!”

And the operator would have said, “You need tokeep calm. I see your address, and I’m sending help aswe speak. Stay on the line . . .” But I couldn’t do that. My husband, Jeremiah, was also in the same situation

and we both needed help.It was a terrible shock to realize that my pastor hademotionally and spiritually raped me. I was stunned.I tried to understand what had happened.

It was subtle, occurring over a period of four longyears, and I was far into the abuse before I actuallyunderstood what was happening. Going into the situ-

-tion my own survival—and shortly felt ill equippedto handle life on my own terms without his input.Over time, I was led to believe that he was the onlyone who had answers. I had to agree with him, or be


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I’ve Been Raped by a Church! |2

counted as a castaway.I had long since begun to feel vulnerable—stripped of

everything I had once been so certain of. My very identitywas in question at that point, and I felt powerless and

hopeless of ever regaining my equilibrium.I knew I had to escape, but I didn’t know where to go.

I tolerated it until that point, but now I was determinedto do whatever it took to escape.

pastor, Kevin, made subtle threats. However, I could no

respect, I sat down to talk with him. I kept hoping againsthope that things would change. I should have known bet-ter. It was, in effect, like casting my pearls before swine.

Facing him, I said, “I love and respect you as a man,but I have no choice but to go elsewhere. I just wantedyou to know that I’m not coming back.”

He gave me “the look” that I had seen so often be-fore—as if I were a worm and he was the one with allthe answers.

“I’ve prayed and consulted with God about it, and I

have his okay to leave.” “My Bible says I only have to please and obey God, so

that’s what I’m going to do.”“But as your pastor, you owe me the respect of listen-

ing to my opinions.”“I’ve done that long enough. I don’t believe that you

have my best interests in mind. And if I’m honest with


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1. I’ve Been Raped! 3

myself, I don’t think you ever did. It’s all about you.”

for you.”I knew he was twisting things around, beguiling me—

as he always did—with his charismatic personality. ButI had no answer. By his knowing smile, I could see thathe had the upper hand. I would never win this battle. Soinstead, I went on the offensive. “I’ve made my decision,and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“You’re making a big mistake. One you’ll regret for therest of your life.”

I shook my head, resolute. “I beg to differ. I already

feel like a giant load has been lifted off my shoulders.”“That feeling is merely the devil’s lie, trying to convince

you to leave.”“I’m not going to argue with you. I’ve made my deci-

sion.”He stood and looked down on me with one eyebrow

raised. “I knew you’d never amount to anything. With-out my leadership, you’re a pawn of the devil, and he’llhaunt you day and night. Without my wisdom, you’llmake unwise decisions that will lead you into poverty,

I stood to face him and lifted my chin. “I’ll take mychances with God.”

“I give it six to nine months, and then you’ll come crawl-ing back once you realize you can’t get along withoutme.”

As I listened to him, I felt completely disconnected. Itwas clear that he had never been the man that I thoughthe was. He had deceived me the whole time; I just hadn’t


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me about Michelle’s experiences (see chapter thirteen),but I didn’t know that things went so deep.

When I got up to leave a moment later, he played histrump card and studied my face, waiting for my response.“You need to stay until I give you permission to leave.”

“That’s not going to happen. Good-bye.”As I turned to leave, he said inexplicably, “I will love

-ished the sentence yet, and I knew it was a lie. Couldn’t

As was his custom, he wanted the last word. “Listen.Pray for me, will you, that God will clarify his opinion on to pray for himself and hear God’s opinion concerningmy life. Obviously, the two weren’t on the same page.

At that point I scarcely knew who I was, but I certainlyknew who I wasn’t. And I can tell you, I was no longerthe patsy who planned to stay under the dominion of a

Truthfully, it was now a matter of life and death. I hadto make a clean break from everyone in order to startover. Despite everything that happened, I had to get backto the beginning, to the place where I knew my identity.While I had been stripped bare and beaten into submis-sion, I wasn’t dead yet, and where there is life there ishope. In fact, I was more determined than ever to drawnear to God and take comfort in his plan for my life.

I had hoped that we could part as friends, without ran-cor, but it wasn’t long before I learned the truth—that he


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had concocted a wild scheme so intense that it kept mefrom returning to say good-bye to my Christian brothersand sisters. In fact, he stalked me and plotted against me,

was not genuine. Clearly, the only thing he wanted wasto keep me in his control, but God strengthened me en-abling me to withstand the temptation to be immobilizedwith fear.

At that point, he reminded me of the Scripture verse blood, but against principalities, against powers, againstthe rulers of this darkness, against spiritual wickedness

in high places.”

all. Rather, he was a slave master who violated me timeafter time. And I wasn’t his only victim. I repeatedlywatched it happen to my brothers and sisters as well. Infact, we sometimes shared our experiences. Other times,we were too intimidated to even speak of it. He and his forced their will on us on a regular basis. They coercedus often in various ways—emotional, mental, physical, whom to ask for what.

On the surface, everything seemed innocent. But behindthe smiles, laughter, and jokes, a dark side was coveredup for many years. Consequences of resistance oftencame in the form of verbal beatings and hard labor thatpitted Christian brothers and sisters against one another.In the beginning, I believed that they would love andnurture me, encouraging me to reach for my destiny.


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However, their true motives were anything but loving.Ultimately, they sought power—with the goal of com-plete domination.

By the time I left, I could clearly see that those who did

not bow to their every whim were regularly humiliatedand shamed, knowing we were little more than propertyor cattle. I could also see that the abuse had become sofamiliar that we began to see it as normal. And while itwas occasionally done in public, much of it was done inprivate.

This is the story of my spiritual rape.

where I could grow and walk into my destiny. Like somany other young Christians, I was looking to be re-ceived with open arms, and this new church, Rising StarCommunity Chapel, did just that. Because I wanted to wonderful new family. I felt excitement rise within meknowing that we had so many great things in common.In the beginning the pastor and his wife seemed trustwor-thy, as if they wanted the absolute best for us. And I wasexcited to build a fresh, new relationship with them. Sowhen it was time to serve, I did it with great enthusiasm.When it came time to obey, I eagerly did that, too. Forinstance, I volunteered to pray for those who needed abreakthrough. I also voluntarily launched the E-Network I consider the honeymoon period. Not long after that, thehoneymoon was suddenly over.

By then, my joy was fading away for reasons I couldn’texplain, so that every interaction was now more of a


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chore. Things were becoming strange and uncomfort-able, but I couldn’t understand why. All I wanted was tobe validated and loved by my new family, but that washappening less and less frequently. In fact, I smiled at

every opportunity in order to be liked. During that time,I would encourage others when they were down and domy best to contribute whatever I had to offer. I immedi-ately discovered my personal talents and used them to Without warning, I began to feel intimidated by my pas-tor and his wife. I later suffered the same kind of fate in

my marriage – watching things becoming strange anduncomfortable until I had to separate from my husband.

Their tone had changed so that I felt somehow coerced,tricked into doing what they wanted. It wasn’t long be-fore I became overwhelmed, feeling as if I were just act-ing a part, doing what was expected instead of doing itfreely, with joy.

Though I had many Christian brothers and sisters, Ionly shared my feelings with Melanie (chapter two), whowas also Jeremiah’s natural sister. We often disagreed onthe dissonant tone of the church, but I knew, even then,that it was because of her deep and ongoing indoctrina-tion. She had been brainwashed. While I was still func-tioning in the church services, I felt terrible guilt any timeI failed to meet even their smallest expectations.

- - if I had literally been bound and gagged so that I couldn’tscream or defend myself in any way. I felt my praise and


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worship being spiritually blocked and hindered. Andhis wife even played a small, passive part in my assault.And while my experience was traumatic enough, I wasoften present when she violently assaulted others while

he watched. At times it seemed like a tag-team effortwhere they took turns violating those around them. Ithurt me to watch it happen to others, but by then I’d beenstripped bare, and was helpless to do anything to help.I could have responded like Michelle and pronounced

judgment upon the house; however, it would have failedsince the prophetic was frowned upon in this church. OrI could have left earlier, but since Jeremiah and I made

a covenant agreement to stay under that umbrella, weagreed to stay and comply with the dysfunctional de-mands of that house. Though I often contemplated myoptions, I could see no way out. At that point, I found itinteresting that the church was in chaos because of theevil behind the scenes.

In the end, I was fortunate to escape. I resolved neverto look back. In retrospect, I can see that some victimsbecame abusers—becoming the very people they hat-ed most. Others became withdrawn and emotionallydisconnected. Before long, the entire church was in tur- or another. Abused parents couldn’t even muster theemotional strength to protect their own children. By then,I could only stand and wonder how in the world thingshad deteriorated to that extent. And I had to ask myself:“How could I have missed the signs while they were

And while I was upset with myself for not recognizingthe symptoms until far too much time had elapsed, I had


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to let go of the pain and anger and forgive both them,and myself, lest I become ensnared in bitterness. It wasthe only way to heal and recover, and in the end, I feltgrateful for the experience. Now I can quickly recognize

the signs in others and reach out to help. Never again willI take freedom for granted. And no longer will I standidly by and watch abuse happen.

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I've Been Raped by a Church: A Recovery Guide for those suffering from Church Abuse

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