IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF...

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Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC Proprietary & Confidential. Do not reproduce or distribute without permission from Marsh & McLennan Agency. © 2013. All Rights Reserved. 1 IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG- TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC, Certified Intrinsic Coach® Health Management Services Manager Marsh & McLennan Agency Minneapolis, MN MARSH & McLENNAN AGENCY LLC 1 RELATIONSHIP OF WORK AND SELF Outcomes Part 1 Work Side Part 2 Self Side Outcomes Part 1 Work Side Part 2 Self Side Source: Byrum, Ph.D. / Judgment Index™ RELATIONSHIP OF WORK AND SELF

Transcript of IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF...

Page 1: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC

Proprietary & Confidential. Do not reproduce or

distribute without permission from Marsh &

McLennan Agency. © 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013

Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC, Certified Intrinsic Coach®

Health Management Services Manager

Marsh & McLennan Agency

Minneapolis, MN

MARSH & McLENNAN AGENCY LLC

1

RELATIONSHIP OF WORK AND SELF

Outcomes

Part 1 – Work Side

Part 2 – Self Side

Outcomes

Part 1 – Work Side

Part 2 Self Side

Source: Byrum, Ph.D. / Judgment Index™

RELATIONSHIP OF WORK AND SELF

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Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC

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SELF FIRST!

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THE CRISIS OF CAPACITY

• Humans are NOT Computers!

– Continuously, at high speeds, for long periods of time,

running multiple programs at the same time.

Source: Tony Schwartz (The Energy Project, www.theenergyproject.com)

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CAPACITY AND ENERGY

Energy (n).

The capacity to do work.

4 July 26, 2013 Source: Tony Schwartz (The Energy Project, www.theenergyproject.com)

10 hours @ 60% Capacity

= 30 hours of work

8 hours @ 80% Capacity

= 32 hours of work

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THE IMPORTANCE OF ENERGY The New Values Exchange

Values

• Physical Health: Quantity of

energy; renewal for sustainability

• Emotional WB: Quality of

energy; how you feel influences

how you perform

– Core emotional need = to feel

valued

• Mental Clarity: Capacity for

focus (myth of multi-tasking)

• Spiritual Significance: Serving a mission/purpose bigger

than yourself

How to Renew Each Value:

• Physical: food, exercise,

sleep, rest

• Emotional: managing triggers,

cultivating positive emotions

• Mental: Flexible focus, quieting

the mind

• Spiritual: connecting to a

purpose (leaders inspiring

others)

Source: Tony Schwartz (The Energy Project, www.theenergyproject.com)

Page 4: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC

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LIFE BALANCE ASSESSMENT

• Example:

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LIFE BALANCE REFLECTION

• Notice your overall perceived balance.

• In looking at your LBW, what stands out for you

• What does balance look like for you? How do you know when

you’re balanced?

Page 5: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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LBW EXAMPLE

• Initial LBW and 3-months later:

8 July 26, 2013

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THE FRAME

See Feel

Get Do

9

Source: Paul Bernabei (www.top20training.com)

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THE POWER OF CHOICE

10 July 26, 2013

Source: Marilee G. Adams, Ph.D., The Art of the Question

START

What happened? What’s useful here?

What do I want?

Judger Pit

JUDGER • Automatic

Reactions • Blame-Focused • Win-Lose

Relating

LEARNER • Thoughtful

Choices • Solution-Focused • Win-Win Relating

What can I learn? What is the other person

thinking, feeling, needing and wanting? What am I responsible

for?

What’s possible? What are my choices?

What’s best to do now?

Who is to blame?

Why am I such a failure?

Why are they so stupid?

What’s wrong with me?

What’s wrong with them?

Switching Lane

SWITCH Ask Learner ?S to avoid Judger Pit

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RECOGNIZING THE RUTS

• Continuous growth and learning is essential to living powerfully.

• Are you stuck in your ways or in a rut?

– Are your habits/stories/judgments serving you?

– What are you gaining by holding onto your old ways?

Page 7: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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TOP 20 VS. BOTTOM 80

• Bottom 80s:

- Change nothing

- Change what we do

- Blame (need to be right)

• Top 20s:

- Get Curious

- Change how we SEE it

12

Source: Paul Bernabei (www.top20training.com)

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HOW WE SEE THINGS

13

Source: Paul Bernabei (www.top20training.com)

Above the Line

Below the Line

• Positive view on life and how we see the world

• Energetic moods and emotions

• Positive attitudes & beliefs • Hopeful and optimistic • Power to control my life

• Negative view on life and how we see the world

• Depressing moods and emotions

• Negative attitudes & beliefs • Hopeless and pessimistic • Powerless victim of life

Page 8: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC

Proprietary & Confidential. Do not reproduce or

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THE SELF-DECEPTION BOX

• How I Start to See

MYSELF:

– Victim

– Hard Working

– Important

– Fair

– Sensitive

• How I Start to See

OTHERS:

– Lazy

– Inconsiderate

– Unappreciative

– Insensitive

– Faker

14 Source: The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self Deception (2010)

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RECOGNIZING WHEN YOU’RE IN THE SELF-DECEPTION BOX

15 Source: The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self Deception (2010)

What Other Person Does Doesn’t complete a project

on time

Alan

What I See Irresponsible Disrespectful

Distracted Lazy

What I Do

Discipline Harshly Criticize

Micro-Manage Stop Giving Projects

Rosie

What Other Person Sees

Dictatorial Disrespectful

Devaluing Nosey

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SELF-DECEPTION IN ORGANIZATIONS

• Symptoms of Self-Deception:

– Lack of Motivation

– Lack of Commitment

– Stress

– Communication Problems

• *Organizations are severely crippled by these

symptoms but often don’t even know they’re carrying

the “germ” causing them.

16 Source: The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self Deception (2010)

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GETTING OUT OF YOUR SELF-DECEPTION BOX • Don’t try to be perfect. Do try to be better

• Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own.

• Don’t’ accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box

yourself.

• Don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box.

Do keep trying.

• Don’t deny that you’ve been in the box when you have been. Do

apologize.

• Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you

can do right to help.

• Don’t worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you

are helping others.

Source: The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self Deception (2010)

Page 10: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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IMPORTANCE OF RESILIENCY

• Characteristics of Resilient People: – Don’t sweat the small stuff.

– Able to be at their best and maintain a sense of balance when faced with “big stuff” or major challenges.

– They are flexible but durable and have a better ability to “go with the flow”

– They come back stronger in the face of adversity.

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WHO’S REALLY RUNNING YOUR LIFE?

CORE:

• My True Self

• Worth from who I am as a human

• My greater purpose

Circumference:

• Busy, multi-tasking

• Reacting to others OPO

OPA

OPE

Page 11: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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Don’t SHOULD on me!

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BUILDING RESILIENCY

• Put things into perspective.

• Be mindful of what comes out of your mouth.

• Practice acts of gratitude.

• Life in the present moment.

• Pay it forward.

• Stop Settling!

• Give yourself a break.

Page 12: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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distribute without permission from Marsh &

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LIVING WITH INTENTION

• YOU must come first!

• “What am I wanting for myself in THIS MOMENT?”

• Make small, incremental changes

• Ask for the support you need

– Proactively offer support for others

• Give yourself credit for even small changes.

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“SHAKING THE TREE” STORY

• When will you know you’ve had enough and what will

it take for you to start living with intention?

• Do you wait for life to happen or do you create it?

Page 13: IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS … · IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: WHY PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST IS CRITICAL TO LONG-TERM SUCCESS August 15, 2013 Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH,

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PERFECTION IS RESERVED FOR FAIRYTALES…

24

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BALANCE ISN’T STATIC!

25

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THE GREMLIN EFFECT

• The Gremlin: – The part of us that hates change, that prefers the status

quo, that would just assume keep us small in our lives.

– Acknowledge the Gremlin for what it is and then get clear about what is most important to you.

“The chief cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what we want MOST for what we want NOW.” ~Zig Ziglar

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LESSONS FROM A 2 YEAR-OLD

27 July 26, 2013

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Proprietary & Confidential. Do not reproduce or

distribute without permission from Marsh &

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CONTACT INFORMATION

Rosie Ward, Ph.D., MPH, MCHES, BCC Certified Intrinsic Coach®, Certified Valuations Specialist

Health Management Services Manager

Marsh & McLennan Agency

[email protected], (763) 548-8861

www.rjfagencies.com

www.DrRosieWard.com

© Copyright 2013. Marsh & McLennan Agency. All Rights Reserved.

The content provided in this presentation is proprietary and confidential and not for distribution without written consent from MMA.