It is estimated that about 1/3 of divorces result from high...

Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

• It is estimated that about 1/3 of divorces result from high levels of conflict and other serious problems

• 2/3 of couples divorcing say the reason is that “they’ve grown apart.”


A build-up of negative interactions (4 Danger Signs)

A failure to nurture the positives—friendship, fun, and affection


ESCALATION

PUT-DOWN / INVALIDATION

AVOIDANCE / WITHDRAWAL

NEGATIVE INTERPRETATIONS

One negative interaction can wipe out

between five and twenty positive ones.

©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Goal is to

Reduce, Stop,

Exit out of these

negative patterns

©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.


Skills to Reduce, Stop & Exit Negative Interactions

• Recognize the four danger signs

• Use time-outs to cool down or reflect on actions/decisions

• Know how to complain effectively & raise issues

• Use speaker-listener technique when needed

• Use proper problem-solving techniques, such as compromise, in-depth discussions, and analysis of possible options

• Think about your expectations & discuss with each other


Keeping Love & Friendship Alive

• Maintain your friendship

• Take time to connect—stay in touch with each other

• Make plans for fun, keep having dates

• Give daily appreciations

• Be physically affectionate

• Remind yourself frequently of your partner’s qualities

• Engage in healthy giving to each other

• Be faithful



Benefits of a Healthy Marriage

Married men live, on average, seven years longer than single men. Both men and women are more settled and live less risky lives.

Healthy marriage also pays off in better general health—as in less disease and better recovery from illness. Married individuals have better immune systems. However., high conflict and stress is harmful to health.

Those in healthy marriages have better emotional health than singles and those in unhealthy marriages.

Married couples enjoy higher income and wealth, on average.

Married couples also report more satisfying sex lives, on average, than singles.


The Success Sequence

There are four powerful things you can do to reduce your chances of poverty and achieve your education, work, and family goals: 1.Finish high school and get as much college education

as you can. 2.Apply relationship smarts to your love life. Don’t

Slide! 3.Be married before having a baby. 4.Wait until older to marry (in your 20’s).

Graduation Marriage Baby


Success Sequence for Teen Parents

• Finish your schooling. Pursue job/career plans • Assess your relationship – end a dangerous one, or work to improve one with potential & move towards deeper commitment. • Take a go-slow/go-smart approach in your next relationship. Important for your child! • Acquire as much parenting and relationship or marriage skills education as possible.

WAIT for a second child until you are more financially & emotionally settled and married.

Graduation/Job Marriage 2nd Baby? Baby


Some Powerful Facts

Only 7% of the children of mothers who: finish high school wait until they are married to have a baby, and, only marry after the age of 20, live in poverty.

On the contrary, 64% of the children of mothers who fail to do these three things live in poverty.

And, those who:

get some college/technical school education have higher incomes wait until their mid-twenties to marry, and wait at least 18 months after marriage to have a child, have

much lower divorce rates.


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