Issue 881

8
Of Douglas & Elbert Counties Of Douglas & Elbert Counties Watches now on SALE! 11028 S Pikes Peak Dr Parker 303-841-2666 190 S Wilcox Unit C Castle Rock 303-660-2696 SEIKO We Buy Junk Cars & Trucks 720-560-6763 CA$H ON THE SPOT WE COME TO YOU. NO HASSLE. Se Habla Espanol www.chunkystowing.com DIESEL EMISSIONS TEST Only $30! Offer valid with cash only. Exact change a must. Will accept credit cards or check but full rate of $40 applies. 6250 E. Pine Lane Parker, CO 80138 303.841.6527 Diesel Repair & Performance 500 2nd St, Castle Rock, CO 80104 www.handmtransmission.com 720-213-8902 Diesel Emissions Test 45 $ Parker Rd Plaza Dr Dransfeldt Rd Progress Way Lincoln Ave German car repair focusing on Volkswagen and Audi 303-840-7664 10315 S Progress Way, Unit 2 Parker, CO 80134 303-840-7664 10315 S Progress Way, Unit 2 Parker, CO 80134 www.bestyard.com Best of Parker 5 Years 720-851-7550 Mowing Fertilization Spring Clean Up Sprinklers FREE Treatment!!! Call for details. Mention ad in Tidbits! Cande Introducing our Newest Hygienist... 720-443-0596 10470 S Progress Way #100 Parker, CO 80134 www.parkerlumineers.com The comforts of advanced dentistry with a human touch A LIFETIME OF HEALTHY TEETH & GUMS FREE PUBLICATION ISSUE 881 JULY 21, 2014 World-Class experience, instruction and facilities Enrolling now for fall classes! Where Princesses Become Swans. Parker Dance Academy 303-840-7408 TIDBITS® INVESTIGATES FAMOUS FIRSTS By Kathy Wolfe This week Tidbits looks at the originals, the pioneers, the earliest – all those who made history by being the first to hit the scene. • Established in 1636, Harvard is America’s first institution of higher learning. The college, originally just for men, was founded 16 years after the Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth, with an enrollment of nine students. The institution owes its name to its first benefactor, John Harvard, a minister who bequeathed his library and half his worth to the college. Seven U.S. presidents are Harvard graduates, as well as 40 Nobel Prize winners. • Alan Shepard was the first American in space, but not the first human in space. That distinction belongs to Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, who rocketed into space on April 15, 1961, a mere three weeks before Shepard’s May 5th flight. Nine months later, astronaut John Glenn became the first American to orbit Earth, circling the globe three times in just under five hours. That wasn’t to be Glenn’s final record-breaking flight. At age 77, he spent nine days aboard the space shuttle, Discovery, testing the effects of space on the elderly. turn the page for more!

description

Tidbits of Douglas & Elbert Counties

Transcript of Issue 881

Page 1: Issue 881

Of Douglas & Elbert CountiesOf Douglas & Elbert Counties

Watchesnow on SALE!

11028 S Pikes Peak Dr • Parker • 303-841-2666190 S Wilcox Unit C • Castle Rock • 303-660-2696

Watchesnow on SALE!

SEIKO

We Buy Junk Cars & Trucks

720-560-6763CA$H ON THE SPOT

WE COME TO YOU. NO HASSLE.

Se Habla Espanol

www.chunkystowing.com

DIESELEMISSIONS

TESTOnly $30!

O�er valid with cash only. Exact change a must.Will accept credit cards or check but full rate of

$40 applies.6250 E. Pine LaneParker, CO 80138303.841.6527

Diesel Repair & Performance

500 2nd St, Castle Rock, CO 80104www.handmtransmission.com

720-213-8902

Diesel Emissions Test

45$

Parker Rd

Plaza Dr

Dran

sfeld

t Rd

Progress Way

Lincoln Ave

German car repair focusing on Volkswagen and Audi

303-840-766410315 S Progress Way, Unit 2

Parker, CO 80134

303-840-766410315 S Progress Way, Unit 2

Parker, CO 80134

www.bestyard.comwww.bestyard.com

Best ofParker5 Years

720-851-7550

MowingFertilizationSpring Clean UpSprinklers

FREE Treatment!!!Call for details. Mention ad in Tidbits!

CandeIntroducing our NewestHygienist...

720-443-059610470 S Progress Way #100 • Parker, CO 80134

www.parkerlumineers.com

The comforts of advanced dentistry with a human touchThe comforts of advanced dentistry with a human touchThe comforts of advanced dentistry with a human touchThe comforts of advanced dentistry

A LIFETIME OFHEALTHY TEETH & GUMS

FREE PUBLICATION

ISSUE 881 • JULY 21, 2014

World-Class experience, instruction and facilitiesEnrolling now for fall classes!

Where Princesses Become Swans.

Parker Dance Academy303-840-7408

TIDBITS® INVESTIGATES

FAMOUS FIRSTSBy Kathy Wolfe

This week Tidbits looks at the originals, the pioneers, the earliest – all those who made history by being the fi rst to hit the scene. • Established in 1636, Harvard is America’s fi rst

institution of higher learning. The college, originally just for men, was founded 16 years after the Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth, with an enrollment of nine students. The institution owes its name to its fi rst benefactor, John Harvard, a minister who bequeathed his library and half his worth to the college. Seven U.S. presidents are Harvard graduates, as well as 40 Nobel Prize winners.

• Alan Shepard was the fi rst American in space, but not the fi rst human in space. That distinction belongs to Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, who rocketed into space on April 15, 1961, a mere three weeks before Shepard’s May 5th fl ight. Nine months later, astronaut John Glenn became the fi rst American to orbit Earth, circling the globe three times in just under fi ve hours. That wasn’t to be Glenn’s fi nal record-breaking fl ight. At age 77, he spent nine days aboard the space shuttle, Discovery, testing the effects of space on the elderly.

turn the page for more!

Page 2: Issue 881

2 Tidbits® of Douglas & Elbert Counties Interesting StuffFor Advertising Call Tim (303)994-9683

Continued on page 5

Cindy Rose, AAMS®Financial Advisor

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FAMOUS FIRSTS (continued):• Frances Perkins was appointed Secretary of Labor

in 1933 by Franklin D. Roosevelt, making her the fi rst woman cabinet member. This also made her the fi rst woman to be placed in the presidential line of succession, in the event of the death of the president. (The Secretary of Labor is 11th down the line, following the vice-president, speaker of the house, and eight others.) Perkins held her position longer than any other labor secretary, 12 years, the entire FDR presidency.

• Franklin Roosevelt also made history as the fi rst U.S. president to speak on television, when he gave a short speech at the opening of the 1939 World’s Fair in New York City. In addition, in 1943, he became the fi rst president to fl y in an airplane (although Theodore Roosevelt had ridden in a Wright biplane in 1910, he was no longer president).

• Johnny Carson stepped up as host of The Tonight Show on October 1, 1962. Actress Joan Crawford was his fi rst guest. When Johnny’s replacement, Jay Leno, took over in 1992, Billy Crystal was the fi rst to join Jay on stage.

• Chicago’s Home Insurance Building is regarded as the world’s fi rst skyscraper. Completed in 1885, its original ten stories and height of 138 feet (42 meters) were the fi rst to be supported by a fi reproof metal frame and steel skeleton construction design. It was demolished in 1931 to make way for a taller 45-story bank building, which rose 535 feet (163 meters), a structure that still stands today.

• “Live from New York! It’s Saturday Night!” This line has been shouted out on late night television since October 11, 1975. George Carlin was host of the premiere showing with musical guests Janis Ian and Billy Preston.

• Although Michael Jordan was the fi rst basketball player to have his picture on the Wheaties box, he was far from being the fi rst athlete on the box. That honor went to baseball great Lou Gehrig in 1934. However, for many years, athletes were featured on the sides or back of the box. Lou wasn’t the fi rst to have his image on the front of the box, but rather on the back. The honor of being fi rst on the front went to pole vaulter Bob Richards in 1958.

• Ray Harroun sped along at an average speed of 74.59 miles per hour during the fi rst Indianapolis 500 race, held in 1911. It took him just over six hours and 42 minutes to complete the course. (Compare this with the highest average speed to date of about 186 miles per hour and a race time of approximately two hours and 40 minutes.) Janet Guthrie holds a place in history as the fi rst woman to qualify and race in the Indy 500. Guthrie, a former aerospace engineer, made her initial appearance in 1977, in which she fi nished 29th, and went on to compete two more years. In the 1978 race, she fi nished in ninth place. Visitors to the Smithsonian Institute can view her helmet and race suit.

• The National Woman’s Suffrage Association nominated Victoria Woodhull as their candidate for President of the United States in 1872. Woodhull, the fi rst woman candidate, ran as a member of the Nation Radical Reformers Party. It wasn’t until 1984 that a woman was on the ticket for vice-president. Geraldine Ferraro was Walter Mondale’s chosen running mate that year. Mondale, who had been vice-president under Jimmy Carter, was soundly defeated by Ronald Reagan.

•We’ve all heard the famous literary fi rst line, “It was a dark and stormy night.” But how many folks know what work it introduced? It was written by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton in his 1830 novel Paul Clif-ford, the story of a man who leads a double life as both a criminal and a gentleman. The opening line is so well-known and often ridiculed that San Jose State

Page 3: Issue 881

Pet Page Tidbits® of Douglas & Elbert Counties 3For Advertising Call Tim (303)994-9683

HELP WANTEDHELP WANTED

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Call for an interviewBrad @ 303-814-1400

Dr. James Olson - The Meow Doc

Cat Q & ACat Q & A

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The Buddy Center Needs Your Help

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Name:SWITCHID# 06736333I'm a handsome black and white cat with long hair. I have a sweet meow and give sweet kisses.

Dr. James K. Olson is "The Meow Doc", a nationally recognized veterinarian specializing exclusively in cats. Dr. Olson holds the title of Diplomate, Feline Specialty, from the American Board of Veterinary Practitioners. He is certifi ed to practice nuclear medi-cine by the State of Colorado Department of Radiaton Safety. His practice is located in Castle Rock, Colorado. For more information please visit his comprehensive website: CatSpecialist.com

303.660.0072 Mon - Sat10 - 5

FIREWOODIn Franktown at the Corner of Hwys 83 & 86

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gregsautorepair.com

Quality Service on all Foreignand Domestic Vehicles

Greg’s Auto Repair is a local, family owned and

operated, small business delivering quality

and reliable automotive services. Owner, Greg

Beumel, has been one of Parker’s most trusted

neighborhood mechanics for years.

ParkerTrailers.com

Parker R

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E-470

Cottonwood

8900 S. Brompton WayParker, CO 80134

Book signingMeet local author, Michelle ParkerPoor Richard's Book Shoppe19402 East MainstreetParker COSunday, July 1311am - 1pmWe'll be just a few steps from the Farmers Market

Probiotics – The Good Bacteria

The term: microbiota defi nes all the microorganisms that inhabit the gastrointestinal tract (GI). Cats have a large number of bacteria normally in the small intestine (400 strains) and a much greater number in the large intestine (2,000+ strains). Newborns start out with a sterile gut and quickly are exposed to bacteria from their moms and the environment that make up their GI fl ora. There is a dynamic interplay throughout a cat’s life between the good and bad bacteria and how the body regulates internal health. A balanced GI culture provides nutrients, stimulates the immune system and enhances the cat’s defenses to respond to intestinal pathogens. Many common triggers can cause diarrhea, nausea, vomiting and discomfort, including stress, not eating regularly, use of antibiotics and eating spoiled food. Acquired and genetically predisposed diseases such as infl ammatory bowel disease are common and linked to diet and the imbalance in the GI bacteria.Probiotics or ‘active culture bacteria’ when supplemented to the diet can help normalize the GI tract. Competitive exclusion of bad bacteria (population dynamics) can shift an unhealthy bacterial mix to a healthy mix. Good bacteria decrease bacterial toxins and decrease the numbers of bad bacteria. Adding good bacteria prevents and treats GI infections and chronic disease without adding drugs. Stimulation of the immune system tends to keep the body healthy. Probiotics have been shown to help fi ght disease by making the body defenses stronger. Treating diarrhea to ocular herpes virus in the cat works better when active culture bacteria are administered. Good bacteria produce vitamins, inactivate poisons and protect the body by adding another barrier layer to keep bad bacteria out. The benefi cial effect of probiotics is bacterial strain specifi c. Out of 1,500 active culture bacteria tested, only eight were found benefi cial in the cat. The probiotics with a greater number of good strains appears to have a better effect on the patient’s health. Probiotics need to be safe, be able to survive passage through the GI tract, must be able to colonize in the GI tract, must be stable in manufacture/storage and the product must improve the patient’s health. A few feline specifi c products currently fi t this criteria, many are not effective but have good marketing. Talk to your veterinarian about probiotic therapy.

Page 4: Issue 881

4 Twenty Questions Tidbits® of Douglas & Elbert Counties For Advertising Call Tim (303)994-9683

Sudoku Made Possible By

Bob LowryNeighborhoodExclusive Agent

303.688.1966Auto-Home-Business-Life

Allstate Insurance Company201 S Wilcox St. #2A

Castle Rock 20 QUESTIONS

The Gem Advisor

Scott McQueen

Scott McQueen is the owner of Pinetree Jewelers, Parker’s oldest jewelry store established in 1976. 2 store locations: 11028 S. Pikes Peak Drive in Parker and 190 S Wilcox in Castle Rock. For more call 303.841.2666 or 303-660-2696

The Russian Czar Alexander II (1818-1881) has the distinction of having his name on this rare gemstone. The very first crystals were discovered in April 1834 in the emerald mines near the Tokovaya River in the Ural Moun-tains. The discovery was made on the same day the future Czar of Russia came of age. Because the stone shows both read and green, the principal colors of old Imperial Russia, it became the national stone of Czarist Russia. George Frederick Kunz (1856-1932), master gemologist for Tiffany’s, produced some beautiful series of rings and platinum ensembles at the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th century. This lovely stone was also used in Victorian jewelry produced in England during the Victorian era. The distinctive feature about this stone is its ability to change color. In daylight Alexandrite appears green or bluish-green but when brought into incandescent light it will turn to a soft shade of red, purplish-red or raspberry red. Because of its ability to change colors Alexandrite is one of the most valuable gemstones of all! Scarcity is another reason for its high value. Its formation required specific geological conditions and millions of years to form.

Alexandrite

303.

688.

1966

Bo

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All the answers begin with CBy Ron Ross

Julius ________________ (100 – 44 B.C.) was the great Roman general and statesman whose dictatorship led inevitably to Rome’s transition from republic to empire.Name the capital city of Egypt.Name the state that has a bear on its fl ag.What do you use to seal the joints in wood, steel or tile to protect against leakage of liquids or gases?Name the mount where Jesus Christ was crucifi ed.The capital city of the S.E. Asian country of ________________ is Phnom Penh.What do you call an artifi cial watercourse built for navigation or for the movement of water?What is the word that refers to the practice of eating human fl esh?You don’t want LDL ______________________ in your blood.Cape Kennedy was previously known as Cape ______________.Name the hook-shaped peninsula that extends into the Atlantic Ocean from southeastern Massachusetts.Name the economic system characterized by private ownership of property, freedom of enterprise, and the freedom of individual consumers.Name the capital city of Venezuela.The Carlsbad _______________ National Park is located southwest of Carlsbad, New Mexico in the foothills of the Guadalupe Mountains.Flesh-eating mammals are referred to as _____________.What is the capital city of Nevada?Name the revolutionary premier of Cuba who turned a once prosperous nation to communism.What is the word used to refer to the subterranean cemeteries containing corridors and crypts for the burial of the dead.What did they call that part of an army that fought on horseback?Name the actor who played on Saturday Night Live, starred in “Fletch”, and in several “Vacation” movies.

Answers: 1. Caesar 2. Cairo 3. California 4. Calk 5. Calvary 6. Cambodia 7. Canal 8. Cannibalism 9. Cholesterol 10. Canaveral 11. Cape Cod 12. Capitalism 13. Caracas 14. Caverns 15. Carnivores 16. Carson City 17. Castro 18. Catacombs 19. Cavalry 20. Chevy Chase

©2014 by Ronald D. Ross

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Page 5: Issue 881

Tidbits® of Douglas & Elbert Counties Classifieds 5For Advertising Call Tim (303)994-9683

EducationTHE OCEAN Corp. 10840

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Miscellaneous

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Field Mowing

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University sponsors an annual contest to celebrate the “worst in writing.” Contestants are asked to complete the worst possible introduction of a novel based on that opening sentence. Contest judges pre-fer writers “with a little talent but no taste.” • Research indicates that there is a streak of

perfectionism in first-born children. Out of the first 23 U.S. presidents, 21 of them were first-born. Other famous eldest children include Walter Cronkite, Oprah Winfrey, Hilary Clinton, and Barack Obama.

• Citizens of Atlanta, Georgia were the first to sample a new beverage developed by Dr. John Pemberton, a local pharmacist. After concocting the syrup for the drink, Pemberton carried a jug down to Jacobs’ Pharmacy, where they added carbonated water and sold it for five cents a glass at the store’s soda fountain. Dr. Pemberton’s partner/bookkeeper came up with the name Coco-Cola and hand-scripted the famous curlicued logo.

• What did hotel magnate Conrad Hilton, Jr., former Queen of England Catherine of Aragon, and actress Ava Gardner have in common? Each was the first spouse of an individual who married many times. Hilton was the first of eight husbands for Elizabeth Taylor, Catherine was the first of Henry VIII’s six wives, while Mickey Rooney made Ava Gardner the first of his eight wives.

A1 CARBURETORS and Fuel Injectors Remanufactured. 1 year

warranty, engine tested. 1-800-806-7316 See a1carbs.com

VERY PROFITABLE Historic Lakeview & Creekside Mountain Restaurant with

it's 60 year tradition for serving excellent food and impressive customer service is

up for sale. The restaurant is a real money maker. It's a very popular eatery for locals and the thousands of tourist that visit this renowned restaurant. The restaurant on

three city lots is situated across from the city park and lake in an historic and very popular destination area and located in

the shadows of Pikes Peak. $ 849,900.00. [email protected]

FurnitureROCKING CHAIR, traditional-style,

all maple hardwood, new condi-tion. Lots of turnings in the rails and armrests and the headrest is carved.

Finish is a medium brown. Used very, very little, has really just been a decoration in the living room. Solid, heavy, heirloom quality. Perfect for

nursey, living room, bedroom. Comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-free home. Pueblo West, 719-547-

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HIGH PLAINS Horsebreaking Co., LLC. Experienced horse training,

retraining, and ride-outs. Mustangs, Mules, Mares, and Studs (and Geld-

ings, of course). Riding Lessons. Located in Pueblo West, 719-547-2455. Visit highplainstradingpos

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Rims, 3 Kurtz chrome reverse slot-ted (5 slots), 16", $20 each or all

3 for $50. Pueblo West, 719-547-2455. Cash only.

CUTE AKC Adorable Teacup Yorkshire puppies available Text (651)317-7449 Amazing tea cup Yorkie puppies. They

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com

Page 6: Issue 881

Of Douglas County ColoradoOf Douglas County Colorado

HomeImprovement

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Edging Your LawnAccentuate Your Lawn and Landscape

The iconic neatly manicured, square home lawn isn’t for everyone. In fact, many

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entails shaping, cutting, digging, and fi lling to create a distinguishable border

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Looking for a simple yet rewarding summer project? Edging is the perfect

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Brick Edging

Brick edging looks professional and polished, is relatively easy to install, and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, making it a popular option among homeowners everywhere. With a wide range of colors, shapes, and sizes to choose from, you’ll be able to select a custom look that suits your tastes. If installing the edge yourself, remember to keep your bricks pushed tightly against one another. Using sand or packed gravel as your base will minimize movement and unevenness.

Rock Edging

If you’ve ever dreamed of having your very own rock garden, now’s your chance! Separate your lawn and garden using a collection of beautiful stones in your choice of color and texture. Because no two rocks are exactly the same, this type of edging can give your property more of a rugged, natural look. Fill in gaps with sand or soil to create a more fi nished project.

Concrete Edging

Concrete is a popular edging choice for many, simply because it leaves little room for error. Once poured, set, and dried, concrete remains completely in place and does not allow for any weed breakthrough (unlike rocks or bricks).

With the help of a great blueprint, a top-of-the-line shovel, and the right materials, you’ll be able to create a series of clean lines between your lawn and the surrounding landscape of your yard. Try edging this season and give your property a brand new look and feel!

Page 7: Issue 881

Ask the Dentistby Dennis L. Burgner, D.D.S.

Master, Academy of General Dentistry

The Problem with Wisdom TeethQ. How did “Wisdom Teeth” get their name?

A. Wisdom Teeth (Third Molars) develop behind the fi rst and second permanent molars in each quadrant of the jaw or mouth (Upper Right, Lower Right, Upper Left, Lower Left) areas. The third molars’ common nickname is age-related. They usually try to erupt into the mouth between the ages of 17 and 21, when people become “wiser”. Thus they earned the name “wisdom teeth”.

Q. What is an “impacted” wisdom tooth?A. “Impacted” refers to a tooth that has not fully

erupted into a functional relationship with the other teeth in the jaws. An impacted tooth can be either partially or completely covered by bone and gum tissues. Sometimes the wisdom teeth develop at odd angles within the jaw bone, and may even butt up tightly to the next molar forward. For the wisdom tooth area to be healthy, it should be fully erupted and have enough room for the gum around it to be fi rm and tight around the tooth.

Q. I am twenty-two years old and still have all my wisdom teeth. My dentist wants to take them out, but they don’t bother me. Should I go ahead and have them out?

A. You will be very lucky to never have any problems with an impacted wisdom tooth. Having wisdom teeth removed before they get infected is often the best preventive treatment. Your dentist can evaluate with a special x-ray that shows all the jaw and teeth position and structure, and then discuss with the benefi ts versus the risks of removing the wisdom teeth.

Q. Why does the gum around my wisdom tooth become swollen and painful?

A. The crypt where the tooth is located practically always has a loose gap or fl abby pocket in the gum that lets food particles to get stuck and bacteria from the mouth accumulate under the gum. The tiniest food particle becomes a huge feast for a nasty bacteria bug. It’s a perfect place for a Roman Bacteria Orgy banquet: It’s warm, dark, and moist. The tiny morsel is so big he needs help, and calls in his friends. The party is on – they eat, they drink, and they “multiply”. Pretty soon the bugs all need to go to the bathroom, and they “poop” and “pee” right there in the dining room. Graphic? Yes, but essentially, that’s what happens.

Q. What happens next?A. Infection! As more banquet “by products” accumulate, the

dining room becomes a stinky open sewer. Pus develops in the surrounding bone and gum. The gum and cheek swell up and get really sore - Pain and Misery! The dentist will then have to call in the Swat Team (antibiotics) and sometimes “drain” or clean up the mess. Don’t wait that long. The best approach is to get them checked BEFORE the party begins.

Q. When should I get my wisdom teeth out?A. Typically before the roots of the teeth complete their development,

and do “curly cues” in the bone. Root development normally fi nishes up during the late teen age years. Removal of the wisdom teeth is usually simpler and less complicated when the roots aren’t completely developed. They can be removed at any age, but a “young” body usually heals faster than an “older” body. See your dentist for timing recommendations.

Please send in your questions. You can Ask the Dentist by calling Dr. Burgner at 720-870-9500, or consult the website: www.ParkerLumineers.com

Dr Burgner has served on the Fellowship Examination Committee

of the Academy of General Dentistry (AGD), and received

national recognition awards from that 30,000 member

organizaation. He has also been recognized in the local magazine

5280. He practices General Family and Cosmetic Dentistry in

Parker, Colorado.

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FUGITIVE OF THE WEEKName: RONALD EDWARD RIVERA

TAKE NO ACTION TO APPREHEND THIS PERSON YOURSELF

To provide information and remain anonymous, call the Douglas County Sheriff’s Office Tips Hotline: 303.660.7579 or E-mail us at [email protected].

For immediate action call 303.660.7500 or call your local law enforcement

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TRUE STORY

This actually happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

The French policeman stopped his car and asked the gentleman if he had been drinking.

With great diffi culty, the Englishman admitted that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeded to alcotest (breath test) him and asked the

Englishman if he knew under French Law why he was going to be arrested.

The Englishman answered with humor: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car, and my wife is driv-ing... On the other bloody side???

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Lo-cals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

Following the tragic death of the Human Can-nonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.It's great though. It does everything –Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00, and I said "May I have large bills, please." She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service de-partment and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.As I watched from the passenger side, I instinc-tively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the techni-cian, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'