Islamic Lessons about Interacting with Youth & Children

from the Quran & Sunnah of our Blessed Prophet (sws)

Prepared by Mona SalemHalaqa date: April 25, 2013

Hadith 1Abu Qatadah reports that the Prophet (sws) was praying and Umamah bint Zainab was on his shoulder. When he performed ruku’, he put her down, and when he got up from his prostration, he would place her back on his neck.

Related by Nisai’ and in the collections of Imam Ahmad.

Lesson: Status of Children The Arabs used to believe that

carrying around a child, especially a girl was shameful, so the Prophet (sws) did this to set an example and to separate himself from them

Even at times for prayer & worship, love, care and concern for children was valued by our holy Prophet (sws)

Children should be treated with honor and respect, not as second-class citizens

Hadith 2Anas was a small child when he served the Prophet (sws). About his time there, he narrated that, “I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, ‘Uf’ (a minor harsh word denoting impatience or displeasure) and never blamed me by saying, ‘Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?’

Related by Imam Bukharri.

Lessons: Kindness & PatienceTreat children with kindnessUse patience when dealing with people,

especially childrenAn environment like this in the home yields a

beautiful character like that of Anas bin Maalik:◦ A most pious Companion of the Prophet (sws) who

served the Prophet (sws) for 10 years◦ Died at the age of 99 after narrating literally

hundreds of hadith (age of death is disputed between 99-120 yrs.)

◦ He had many children and much wealth as the Prophet (sws) made du’a especially for him

◦ He was a founding father of Islamic scholarship and fiqh in Basra (Iraq)

Hadith 3Ibn Abbas narrates: One day I was behind the Prophet (sws) [riding on the same mount] and he said: O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be Mindful of Allah and Allah will protect you. Be Mindful of Allah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allah [alone]. And know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already prescribed against you. The Pens have been lifted and the Pages have dried.Related by Tirmidhi, Rated Hasan.

Lesson: Spend Time & Give AdviceThis narration shows the importance

that the Prophet (sws) gave to spending with young people. He was the leader of the world and the greatest spiritual leader – but he was not too good or too important to hang out with a child.

He (sws) honors ibn Abbas by calling him “young man” not demeaning or condescending to him as a child

Hadith 4Jaabir bin Samurah – a young child – narrated that he prayed Dhuhr with the Prophet (sws) in the masjid. He said that the Prophet (sws) went to his house and he went with him. As the Prophet (sws) was walking, he would stroke his hands on the cheeks of the kids passing by. Jaabir said that he never smelled a fragrance that was more beautiful than the fragrance of the hand of the Prophet (sws).

Lesson: Associate Positive Things with Good DeedsObviously at the time of our Prophet

(sws) an audience with him (sws) or time spent with him was considered an honor, so the Prophet (sws)’s walking Jaabir home and lovingly stroking the cheeks of children was associating the prayer with positive things

The love and kindness and affection made Jaabir’s association of prayer with something beautiful and sweet, not a chore.

Positive Reinforcements TodayMake worship and doing good

deeds something positive for our children – something that is associated with good rewards

Especially young children can have treats and rewards, instead of for good grades, why not for good deeds, good Islamic behavior, reading of Quran, etc.

Hadith 5Abdullah ibn Abbas (ra) said told us that one time the Prophet (sws) went to use the toilet and he realized that the Prophet (sws) would need to make wuḍūʼ, so he brought him some water and waited for him. When the Prophet(sws) came out he inquired about who brought the water, and then he immediately made this du‘ā’: “O Allāh teach him this deen and its interpretation (ta'weel).”

Lesson: Encourage Spiritual Development First & ForemostWhen our children do something good, we

should reward them with positive reinforcements, but remember that these deeds should get more response and reward than an A+ in math or a goal in soccer!

As a youth, Imam Abu Hanifah was approached by a man in the marketplace who asked him, who do you study with? He replied no one, I tend to my business. He told him, go and sit with the scholars, for I see signs of intelligence in you.

Encouraging Spiritual Development in Our KidsKids have lots of incentive to do

good in school – they get grades, internships, jobs, salaries, cars, houses, spouses… what is their incentive to become pious?!

It’s on us to encourage and stimulate their desire for learning and living Islam

Results of Spiritual DevelopmentIbn Abbas (RA) is one of the greatest

Companions of the Prophet (sws) and he was sought after by all the other Companions and he interpreted the entire Quran. Most books of tafsir and many books of fiqh are based largely upon his opinions and interpretations (among others).

Abu Hanifa is one of the four founders of fiqh today and one of the greatest and most respected scholars of all time. His rulings are the basis for Islamic law in many countries.

Hadith 6: Importance of Du’aThe Prophet (sws) said: "Three types of supplications (du’a) are answered (without doubt); the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of the parent for his child.”

This means making du’a for our child’s good character and upbringing is clearly necessary.

Lesson: Du’a – The Instrument of ChangeEvery parent does, and must make

du’a for their children as the Prophet (sws) prayed for these youth – Anas, Ibn Abbas, etc. When Allah chooses to bless a person, He will.

Even a simple du’a of “jazakAllahu khayr” when your child does something good is a reminder to the child that we invoke Allah for good in our lives.

Hadith 7Abdullah ibn Abbas spent the night one day with his maternal aunt (Maimoona) who was the wife of the Prophet (sws). When the Prophet (sws) got up, he checked to see if ibn Abbas was asleep and then got up to pray Tahajjud. Ibn Abbas woke up and jumped to go and pray with him. He got up and went to pray with him and stood beside him on the left side. The Prophet (sws) put his hand on his head and brought him around to his right side.

Lesson: Make Kids a Central Part of Your Life as a MuslimIt’s easy to let the kids entertain

themselves while we go about our lives, but this hadith shows that we should instead make a concerted effort to involve them in our activities

Children learn by example and it’s best to put them at the center of things and make them feel involved in the lifestyle – not necessarily leave things for when they “grow up”

Story of Prophet Luqman (AS)And (remember) when Luqmân said to his son when he was advising him: “O my (beloved) son! Join not in worship others with Allâh. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allâh is a great Zûlm (wrong) indeed. …. “O my beloved son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allâh will bring it forth. Verily, Allâh is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well Aware (of its place). O my son! Perform prayer, enjoin (people) for all that is good, and forbid people from wrong, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad, and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allâh with no exemption. And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allâh likes not each arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the donkey.”

[Surah Luqman verses 12-19]

Parenting Guidance from AllahAllah says that Luqman (AS) was given wisdom –

that means that the actions he took and sayings of this verse reflect a wise and instructed way of parenting.◦ 1) The Prophet Luqman was a great example for his son,

however, he did not leave it up to good example, he took the time and initiative to SPEAK to his son

◦ 2) What did he choose to speak about? He did not advise his son how to get rich, what career to choose… he chose the most important spiritual advice and moral character to speak to his son about!

◦ 3) He (AS) did not leave it to his wife to raise his child, he did it himself once his son was of the age to understand.

◦ 3) He (AS) did not leave it to his son to figure things out for himself, it was necessary to give his son guidance and instruction

Guidance from Sura LuqmanHow did he approach his son?!

He calls his son in Quran “ya bunay” which is an Arabic term of endearment when used for a grown boy, especially to show that this advice is given from a place of love and compassion!

Now let’s look closely at what Luqman (AS) said to his son:

Guidance from Sura LuqmanNow let’s look closely at what

Luqman (AS) said to his son:◦1st in priority He spoke about Allah’s

rights to be worshipped alone and was stern about this.

◦Then, he established his role – He reminded his son that he must be good to his parents i.e. Luqman (AS) himself. He established a parent/child relationship… not a buddy, friend relationship

The Parent/Child RelationshipMeaning that he was deserving of

respect since his mother bore him and weaned him. And Allah says: “Show gratitude to Me, and to your parents” verse 14. So with kindness, he set the standard of respect and obedience of his child.

Then he qualified the obedience by saying – obey but not in committing shirk – or associating partners with Allah or disobeying Allah.

Duty to Allah & Good Moral ValuesThen Luqman (AS) tells his son to be

regular in prayer, do what is just, forbid what is wrong, and be patient when something bad befalls him

Then Luqman (AS) transitions into good moral values – telling him not to be insolent, arrogant or puffed up, and to be moderate in his voice, and gives him an example to understand – that the donkey’s sound is a harsh one.

SummaryMay Allah bless our efforts to

raise good, pious children who will pray for us when we die, Ameen.