Introduction

Selling in a Skirt is not just a training program. It is a method, a philosophy, a way of life

for the next generation of successful sales women. After nearly 30 years’ experience in

the ‘sales’ side of business, I have observed and experienced such a wide variety of

techniques come and go, sizzle instead of smolder, ultimately leaving adopters high and

dry, that I felt the need to step in and do something about it.

I created the suite of services that make up Selling in a Skirt to address one particular

segment of misguided sales professionals: women. Selling in a Skirt speaks to both the

woman’s need to use her gender-based talents and the male manager’s need to

understand how to help her be successful by using her instinctive qualities rather than

those which are natural to him.

This ‘miniguide’ only scratches the surface regarding the world of selling from a

woman’s point of view. Although it does not cover every single tip, tool and technique

that is offered through the complete Selling in a Skirt program, the following pages are

filled with some of the most used and sought after principles, examples, and action

items that you can put into practice immediately.

Qualifying on the Phone: Your Three Minutes Are Up

When speaking with a prospect on the phone, many sales people will get appointments that are unqualified. Having appointments is great; having appointments with those that can actually afford your product or service is better. The last thing you want to do is waste your time seeing people who will never be able to buy from you. Or do you? One of the biggest problems salespeople face is that they don’t see enough people. If that’s the case, why qualify? In all industries, qualifying and scheduling appointments is a must. Whether your company schedules them for you or not, it needs to be done.

Case in Point: Scheduling Appointments is a Must

When I was going through my initial sales training in the insurance field, I was given the telephone schedule that was used by all the top producers. Our success was dependent on the appointments that we set for ourselves. On my first day of training, I was handed a script and given a spot to sit in. I decided to listen for a bit so I could get the juices flowing. But I noticed that everyone was loud and no one was given the “right of way” to make a call. I could already tell this style was not for me.I heard what other sellers were saying to their prospects:

“Let me explain the plan.”

“You will need to give me a check.”

“If everything looks good we will be writing an application.”

“When was the last time you were hospitalized and for what?”

“What medications do you take?”

I certainly wouldn’t give that kind of personal information to someone I didn’t know; yet, I was told that we needed to acquire this information on the phone before the appointment. I was also told that I shouldn’t go on an appointment unless I was going to be picking up a check—plain and simple.

“Why waste your time? What if the person doesn’t qualify?” my trainer asked me. And my favorite statement from the trainer: “Don’t be such a girl by trying to make friends with everyone.”My schedule went something like this: Monday morning meeting from 8:00-10:00am and phones from 10:30am to 9:00pm.

If I scheduled enough appointments on Monday, I didn’t come back to make calls on Tuesday. If I didn’t reach my quota, Tuesday was a shorter day of calls. I was (and am) a woman who thrives on building relationships—and sitting in a call center for days, making call after call, hardly qualifies as building a relationship. Being face-to-face with someone and listening to them is what I do best. I was determined to figure out a way to make that happen.I lasted on Monday until about 1:00pm.

The idea of being on the phone for so many hours just didn’t make sense to me. So, I told my sales leader that I needed a quieter environment and that I would have the 20 appointments per week that were required—just not from the office. I was excused, but told that if I didn’t have the 20 appointments I would either be back in the office calling or I would be out of the job. After that, I never showed up at the office with less than 20 appointments. I also didn’t qualify anyone over the phone, yet was in front of more people and wrote more business by building relationships and receiving referrals from clients I went to see in person.

I had discovered that my system worked—but my sales leader didn’t think the system could be duplicated by others. I was fighting an uphill battle with no support. A few years later, I moved up into management—and I implemented a very different system for calling. We did not have everyone in the office on the phones for hours and hours at a time. Instead, I encouraged brief phone calls to set appointments and urged everyone to go on every appointment.

The worst-case scenario was that the prospective client didn’t qualify for some products, but may be interested in other components. I used egg timers to remind everyone that the purpose of the phone call was not to sell the product—but instead to get the appointment. If a representative was still on the phone when the sand ran through the egg timer, his or her three minutes on the phone were up. It was a great system, and we had happy sales people.

We also did a monthly phone blitz where everyone came in and worked the phones for three hours maximum. The veterans helped the newer agents. While we had our short phone blitzes, we also worked on direct mail pieces, which helped representatives sound fresh when they’d return to the phones. This translated into many phone calls, lots of appointments, and 5,000-10,000 direct mail pieces at the end of the day. Our entire team built relationships with each other and with their clients.

Just Pick Up the PhoneWhether or not to qualify the sales when making a phone call is an arguable point. In too many instances, salespeople use qualifying questions to talk themselves out of scheduling appointments. They may look for that one “deal breaker” qualifier so they can let their managers know this would not have been a sale. It gives them an excuse not to sell. Some people are simply afraid to pick up the phone to make calls. These people either never get going at all or only make a few calls, and unfortunately never generate enough positive activity to succeed.

Picking up the phone can be a scary thing. This is true whether you are male or female, but the way you deal with it might be different. Since men like to get the job done on the phone, they tend to be on the phone longer. I know and have talked to many female salespeople who will go on any appointment with the hope of building a relationship that may help them in the future, if it doesn’t happen at that initial visit.

Case in Point: In-Person Appointments Reduce Confusion

Here is an example of what not to do on the phone. A trained sales professional of more than 25 years came to our company. He was going to show us how to do this business easier and how he could better understand his potential clients on the phone, schedule more appointments and close more deals. I wasn’t going to burst his bubble, so I sat back and watched. After a 40-minute call, he finally hung up the phone. I'm not sure how many times that egg timer would have had to be turned over. The only thing I remembered hearing was a discussion about the screw in a pair of eyeglasses. Here is the conversation:

Me: Why were you discussing a screw in the eyeglasses?

Him: She asked about vision

Me: Why were you talking about vision?

Him: I told her we covered vision and dental

Me: Why were you talking about dental?

Him: We talked about x-rays and testing

Me: Why were you talking about testing?

Him: We were talking about hospital coverage

Me: WHY WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE HOSPITAL?

Him: I decided to go over the plan on the phone so I was sure she understood it and then would be picking up a check.

Me: Did you get the appointment?

Him: No, she was confused.Had he been in front of her, she may not have been confused.

Had he been in front of her, he could have seen the confusion in her body language and facial gestures and addressed that. Had he been in front of her, he may have been able to help her.

Qualifying by Building Relationships

Here are some realities about the distinct ways men and women approach selling. Men tend to be more direct on the phone. They call a prospect and go straight into the sales presentation. They tend to be driven to get the job done. They will then repeat the process and the system is easy to duplicate. The purpose and result of making calls is different for a man. They have closed the deal on the phone and the only reason they schedule an appointment is to pick up the check and complete the process. There is no focus on building relationships, either short- or long-term.Women have a knack for developing strong relationships. Their desire to build a relationship begins on the phone and continues at the appointment. They sell the way they want to be sold, and that relationship begins when they pick up the phone.

Women want to cultivate that beginning relationship in person, rather than over a phone. They will schedule the appointment on the phone and continue the relationship when they meet. As we have discussed, men and women think differently, work differently and shop differently. It is much harder to build a relationship on the phone than it is in person. Selling the appointment and agreeing to a face-to-face appointment begins that process. Don’t continue talking when the sand runs out.

Skirting the Issues Spotlight Next steps YOU can use from this chapterPreparation tips before you get on the phone:

• Before you begin dialing and setting appointments, make sure you have identified the target number of sales appointments you want to make during that telephone session.

• Set a specific number as a goal for contacts (or appointments) for this phone session and do not stop until you have reached that number. Be specific!

• Have set times when you plan to be on the phone, and do not procrastinate. Block these times out in your schedule. This will give your business both discipline and structure.

• Organize your prospects (best first) before making calls.• Call during prime calling times—mornings for business calls, evenings or Saturdays for

kitchen table calls.• Make sure your phone script is in front of you for easy reference.• Be on the phone every day but not all day!• Call every name on the list. Do not skip names.• Attitude is important. Be enthusiastic! The next call will be a “yes.”

Tips while on the phone:• Always smile when you talk on the phone. It has a positive impact on how the prospect

receives your call. Sound happy and fun to be with.• Use the name of the person who referred you whenever possible.• Be excited about your service. Prospects will let you come over just to find out what you

are so excited about.• Have a sense of urgency. Fill the next opening on your schedule even if you have no

appointments in your book.• Never hang up the handset. Push the button and make the next call.• Record your numbers and results daily so you know your statistics and can make them

work for you.• Continue to increase your goals to challenge yourself. Always try to do more during your

next telephone session than you do at this one.• Always give a choice of appointment times.• Do not sell your products over the phone—sell the appointment.

Outline of a good phone script

Who I am

Greeting (hello, hi, good morning, afternoon, evening)

Introduction (my name is, I’m ____ )

Your company affiliation (I represent ____ company)

Why I’m calling

The connector (from referral, from lead response, from mailing list)

The offering

Why you should meet with me

How it will benefit them

Address some part of their concerns

Be enthusiastic

Schedule the appointment

The alternative choice close: “Are mornings or afternoons better for you?” (This will narrow

down the time of day rather than the day of the week)

After the appointment is set, always repeat your phone number twice and ask for their cell phone

number in case you need to reach them.

Once you have set the appointment, you may want to ask a few questions to prepare for your meeting with the prospect but remember...you are selling the appointment, not the product.

Product Knowledge: Don’t Worry Your Pretty Little Head

One of the keys to being successful in sales is product knowledge. Imagine going to sell someone your product or service and you knew nothing about the product itself or its features and benefits. Each client you have is looking to you to become their trusted advisor and help guide them through the sales process. You are building a relationship through this trust.

This doesn’t mean that you take all your product information and dump it onto your customer—if you do this, you’ll get a deer-in-the-headlights look. This simply means that you should:

• Understand how the product works• Describe what would happen if your customer had this product/service• Describe what would happen if they didn’t have the product/service

Why is this important? Because our knowledge of our products enables us to help our customers. Your goal is to illustrate why your product or service is the one they should choose. You want to let them know how your product or service will add the most value. But, how can you show the value if you don’t understand the product?Knowledge is key in the consultative sales process and that brings it back to relationship building. How? Even if you are in a sales job where you will only see your customer once, it is still important to build a relationship. Being someone that your customer can count on goes a long way with future business with them, as well as earning their trust with their referrals.

Product Knowledge Helps Build RelationshipsResearch indicates that female salespeople are better at establishing a long-term relationship with a customer, are better listeners and find it easier to identify emotions and respond with empathy. Female salespeople start from a very different place than their male counterparts. Women start with the relationship rather than offering quick fix solutions that are typically a male trait. Women tend to be better listeners, and men are better at asking for the business. Women are more patient and men are more direct. Women like to build the relationship, and men like to “consummate” the relationship with the sale.

When I started in sales, we had one product to sell and the chances of you seeing this particular client again were slim. I was told to be more on the basis of “Slam, bam thank you ma’am”—but that was not a comfortable concept for me. I had asked why wouldn’t I treat each client as a friend and be an all-around resource for them. The response was simply that my idea was ridiculous and would take too much time. But I forged ahead with building relationships. It wasn’t long before the rest of my office was asking me how I received so many referrals.

Displaying your product knowledge to your customer is essential for building your credibility and your success. Your customer is more interested in learning about how you’re going to solve his business problem than in hearing every nuance of the product.

Know Your ResourcesOne major component of product knowledge is knowing your resources. Have that information in your back pocket so that your customer doesn’t need to know any other phone number but yours when it comes to your product or service. Make sure you know whom you can count on in other departments of your company or if you are a one-person show. Know who you can call, so that if a question comes up that you can’t answer on the sales appointment, you can pick up the phone and get a quick response.

I had so many questions when I started in sales that I was nicknamed the “Question Queen.” When I entered the office I would see eyes roll and groaning would begin. My team knew I would have questions and many times I had questions the rest of the team hadn’t thought of. In the long-term, my questions were helpful to everyone. I started calling the home office and found out quickly not only who would respond to me immediately, but who actually had the correct information. So, while I didn’t always have the answer to every customer question, I did always know how and where to find that answer.

Describe, Explain and IllustrateKnowing your product also means being able to describe it so that the person you’re with wants to learn more and gets involved in the sale itself. Get your customer’s interest in your product in a way they will understand. There is more to knowing your product than knowing what the brochure and website show. There is also practical application that hopefully you will uncover or will be trained on. If not, you will need to come up with a few ideas on your own—and you can even get creative!

Case in Point: Describe, Explain and Illustrate

We had no training and no training department when I was starting out, so I had to incorporate my own ideas. I used flash cards to test myself on the products on my own. I also played a game with other salespeople to reinforce what I was trying to learn. I would have a few salespeople sitting in a circle with me. I would name a product and toss a soft ball. Once the ball was tossed to you, you had to catch it and describe the product. The next person that caught the ball would give a benefit of having that product and the next person would describe what would happen if they didn’t have the product.

This proved to be a valuable exercise and our team understood the product and all the features and benefits. This was known as “You Throw Like a Girl” game and not adopted by all the teams. The advantage to being part of this game was that we not only knew the products but could also anticipate questions or concerns that might come up and address them in our fact finding session. To me, that was a grand slam.

Know Your Customer—Then Your ProductWhich do you think makes an effective salesperson: great knowledge of the product being sold or an understanding of the customer and the sales process? It is more important to know your customer than it is to know your product.

To know every answer to every product question is not nearly as important. That information can be found in a manual or brochure. It’s important to find the right solution for each customer. To get to the point of knowing your customer and determining what solution might work the best for the customer’s needs, you need to build that relationship. Almost every aspect of the sales process is dependent on that premise. Women take the time to cultivate relationships rather than just solve the problem.

The ability to explain specific features is important, but it’s not nearly as critical as understanding the sales process, knowing how to read and react to different buying personality styles, and qualifying potential customers. We will go into different learning styles as well as different selling styles in a later chapter.

Know Your Product, But Don’t Obsess Over DetailsMany industries don’t feel the need to provide you with product knowledge. You will find this in engineering and technical industries and some financial services, as well. There are “experts” out there that can speak the language and close the deal for you...or so I was told. I would hear “Don’t worry your pretty little head with all that information. The customer will buy you and that face so you’re good to go.”

As flattering as I would like to say that is, remember, consumers are much more savvy today than they were 10 years ago. They have more information available to them in seconds, and often they will do their homework before you arrive.

I am sure that combining a product expert with a sales person is sometimes easier than training someone else on product. Often this is evident with a female in a very technical male-dominated industry. I was victim of both scenarios and in both cases I tried my best to learn as much as I could about the product so that I was able to understand it and explain it to my customer.

The bottom line is you should be like a girl scout and be prepared—but don’t wait to get out there until you are a pro at every facet of the business. Find those that have the product knowledge and spend some time asking questions. Find out the most commonly asked questions and have responses for those. Remember, analysis causes paralysis and you make no money sitting home for weeks and weeks studying.

Case in Point: Know Your Product, But Don’t Obsess Over Details

I was recently in a large home improvement store looking for a particular item. The item wasn’t easily found, so I asked a female associate if she would help me locate it. She looked in numerous locations because she said that product would overlap into different categories. I was happy she knew that because I certainly did not. After looking everywhere possible, and with no luck, she suggested we go over to the special order desk where she would continue the search.

We did find what I was looking for and she ordered it and had it shipped to my home to make it more convenient for me. She had spent about 30 minutes with me, which may not sound like a lot, but in that store it is. When we were done she asked if there was anything else she could help me with and I told her that I do training for women who are in a male-dominated industry and wanted to ask a few questions. She agreed and here is what I found out:

Was there a training program? Yes, but mostly computer-based on products only. There was no training on customer service.

Who delivered the training? The instructions were given to her by someone who could explain about the online training process (the trainer happened to be male).

What were the expectations? You have 30 days to learn what you can and get out on the floor and 60 days to prove yourself or you are out the door. Any additional product training would be done on her own time (and the store had more than 80,000 products!).I then asked if she had any training on working with customers and she said no, but she felt that her job was to treat everyone the way she would want to be treated because that was what she learned growing up. Understanding your customer and their needs is part of building a relationship. I know if I ever need something for my home, I will be returning to that home improvement store because I have a new relationship with that sales woman.

Product Knowledge is the KeyHere are a few reasons why product knowledge is essential to successful sales:

Knowledge is power and product knowledge can mean more sales. It is difficult to effectively sell to a client if we cannot show how a particular product will address their needs. Women tend to be more detail-oriented and will help to provide solutions by asking questions. Men will want to solve the problem without offering the explanation of why this is the correct solution.

Knowledge will help to strengthen your communication skills so that you are able to have different ways to present your product to your client as well as different presentations for different types of clients.

Knowledge will help you to be excited about your product. Nothing is better than an excited sales person that believes in their product and is able to provide solutions for their customer because they understand what they are selling.

Knowledge helps you to become more confident. Many times a sale is not made because the client is not confident in the salesperson. Having the product knowledge, being able to show the features and benefits, and being able to translate that into simple terms will help your own confidence and your client’s confidence in you.

Knowledge helps to overcome objections. Objections that come up from your customer can be eliminated with factual information regarding your product. That comes from product knowledge. The best way to overcome objections is to prevent them from coming up in the first place. When you can anticipate what an objection is and address it upfront, it no longer is an objection.

Skirting the Issues SpotlightNext steps YOU can use from this chapter

Be sure to create a list of the resources (whether training manuals, books, websites, or other material) and the people (managers, trainers, colleagues) that are your “go-to” materials and people to ask questions. Remember: you don’t have to know the answer to every customer question—you just need to know how to find the answer. Keep this list handy so you don’t have to waste any time in seeking out information.One key to showcasing your product knowledge during a sale is developing a great presentation. A good presentation has four parts:

IntroductionHere is where you are now.Here is where you want to go.Here are the challenges/obstacles to getting there.Here’s the solution my product/service provides.

BodyPresent the solution and its features and emphasize the benefits to this particular client.Reinforce how this solution addresses this client’s problem(s).Ask questions to be sure you are on the right track.

ConclusionAsk the client to buy.

Q&AInvolve your prospect in a dialogue and make them feel like a part of the decision-making process. No doubt all of your product knowledge will come in handy!

Listening & CommunicationI See Your Mouth Move, But all I Hear is “Blah Blah

Blah”

Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening? There absolutely is. Quite simply, hearing is the act of perceiving sound by the ear. Unless you are hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens. Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences. Listening leads to learning. In other words, hearing is when the sound reaches your ears. Listening is when it reaches your brain. Most people tend to be “hard of listening” rather than “hard of hearing.”

Listening is the key to selling and is one of the most important aspects in the sales process. By simply asking the right question and then stopping to listen, you will get all the information you need to help solve a problem, address a concern and ultimately giving your client what they are really looking for.

Unfortunately, it is human nature to speak more than we listen, even though we have two ears and one mouth. If you want to be successful, whether in your personal or professional lives, you have to listen first. You will have an opportunity to speak soon enough.

Men and Women Listen DifferentlyAs in almost every aspect of life, men and women also listen differently. Men listen to find out what the point is or what the problem is. They are focused on what is the most important part of the conversation and then take this information and solve the problem. The information in the middle is the part that is generally tuned out. Women will want to gather all the information and find out what is needed to give an appropriate solution, but she can’t offer this solution unless there is a beginning, a middle and an end to the story.

In fact, in a study conducted by the Indiana University School of Medicine, the brain activity of 20 men and 20 women were monitored while listening to an audiotape of a novel. The results indicated that the men listened only with their left-brain, which controls listening and speech. The women had brain activity in both sides of the brain; the right side is associated with creativity and imagination and the left with listening and speech. The research suggests that language processing is different between men and women.

Case in Point: Men and Women Listen Differently

Let me give you an example of how men and women listen differently. In one of my field training sessions, I had a brand new salesperson with me. We had been together in the field for a few weeks and this particular day he asked if he could do the presentation. I agreed because he had seen me do this enough times. I reminded him that he needed to ask questions to determine what the client’s needs were and then simply listen.

We went into this beautiful home in an extremely affluent area. As we walked in I told him I would be his safety net and would not jump in unless it was necessary. He smiled and you could see how excited he was. When we sat down, the client let us know what his needs were before we even asked. We were presenting insurance and because he was wealthy, he was not concerned with the “little” things. His concern was to protect his assets. I knew what type of plan we needed to present but kept quiet so that the new salesperson would have the opportunity to put together his solution.

With everything but this client’s 1099 in front of us, the new associate began discussing having a co-pay for doctor’s visits. It was clear that the client was not worried about co-pays—he was more interested in protecting his assets. My colleague was not listening to the client.

I ended up finishing the appointment and we were able to help address his needs. What could have been a losing situation ended up with a completed application—but only because I stopped the conversation and restated the need of the client, to make sure he knew not only was I hearing what he said, but was listening and able to offer appropriate solutions.

Listening is the most important aspect of the sales process. I’ve already mentioned this, but it bears repeating.

Listen and CommunicateListening is only one piece in understanding what others are trying to convey. Communication is the other half of the process, and if you haven’t guessed it already, men and women communicate differently.

These different communication styles developed long before we started working. As a child, girls are told to be ladylike and use their manners. Boys are encouraged to play rough and loudly. Boys like things and how they work, girls are interested in people and relationships. Girls are allowed to show their feelings if they are hurt and are nurtured, while boys are told to be tough and not to cry. Girls play together and develop relationships while interacting. Boys play team sports and are competitive. (Now, I know you are reading this and thinking you played field hockey as a girl and were wildly competitive, but these character traits are from studies conducted regarding the differences in gender. There are always exceptions to the rule.)

Fast forward to the workplace. Deborah Tannen uses the terms “Report Talk” and “Rapport Talk” in her book Talking From 9 to 5. Male communication traits tend to be honest, direct and factual—“report” talk. Women tend to be less direct, more tactful, and focus on connecting—“rapport” talk. To have effective communication, understanding these differences is critical. Here are some facts regarding the differences in communication:

• Women want to discuss a problem while men want to solve it.• Women want to approach a problem by first talking about it. Men tend to want to go

directly to the problem solving.• Women feel more comfortable expressing their feelings than men.• Women tend to cope by expressing feelings, while men tend to cope by actually trying to

solve the problem.• Women like to tell and share stories while men cut to the chase.• Men like to get to the source of the problem, while women like to talk about the issues. • Women like sharing information to build relationships. Men enjoy giving information as

a way to show their expertise.• Women listen to gain understanding of a speaker’s experience. Men listen to solve

problems.• Women are better at having a dialogue while men are better at monologue.• Women connect, men compartmentalize.• Women want relationships and cooperation. Men want power and status.• Women want to immerse you in their world. Men want to give you just the bullet points.

Asking Questions and ListeningIn sales, one of the ultimate goals is having all your business come to you in the form of referrals. One of the components of receiving referrals is being able to listen and communicate.

When I was with a client, I was 100% present. I wasn’t thinking about what I needed to do on the way home or when the next game was on TV. I was interested in what they had to say but I had to open up the conversation. I asked questions but not questions that would elicit a yes or no answer. I asked open-ended questions. We used to call this “talk-show host” questioning. If you were on a talk show and you had just sailed around the world, alone, in a sailboat in very difficult conditions and the host asked you “Were you afraid?” your answer could be yes or no and that could be the entire answer. However, if you were asked “You were all by yourself, the conditions were horrific, tell me about your scariest (or most exciting) moment.” This kind of open-ended question would elicit a much different response.

With that said, I would always ask questions that would start a dialogue. Honestly, the client doesn’t care about everything you have to say. Sure, they need to hear the features and benefits and product knowledge is critical, but they love to talk about themselves and what better outlet than you! Do remember, however, that you may have to rein them in if their response becomes a dissertation. If you ask the right questions, you will get more information than you will ever need to make a sale.

To put this all together, here are some key points to remember:• Men and women have different learning styles.• To a woman, good listening skills include making eye contact and reacting visually to

whomever is speaking. To a man, listening can take place with a minimum of eye contact and almost no nonverbal feedback.

• When a man nods, it means he agrees. When a woman nods, it means she is listening. • A woman listens and takes in the information to build rapport and relationships. A man

listens with a more aggressive stance and tends to boast about his accomplishments and strengths when responding.

• Men form relationships by proving how good they are. Women tend not to boast because it may come across as offensive.

Case in Point: Asking Questions and Listening

Here is an example of using good listening skills. I was in a weekly meeting and changes were coming down the pike. I’d heard how this might affect everyone but we were told not to worry because plans were in place. I like being in the know and as I gazed around the room, I could see who already knew what the plan was and who didn’t.

After the meeting, I walked into the office of the head of our team and instead of demanding to know the plan because I was a huge producer, I simply asked how I could be of help during the transition, where would I be able to help the most and how could I take some of the pressure off his plate. I never took my eyes off him and was strong but not aggressive. I didn't need to remind him that I was his number one producer. I was told the entire game plan and thanked for being such a team player. The way we communicate is key.

Remember what your mother told you growing up? It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. It couldn’t be any more true than it is today. And not only is it important how you communicate something—it’s also critical that you focus on your listening skills to have well-rounded communication.

Skirting the Issues Spotlight Next steps YOU can use from this chapter

• Understand your prospect’s problem; you can’t sell them something if you don’t know what they need.

• People are also buying you in addition to your product/service! The more you focus on understanding their problems, the more they will trust that you are the one they should work with to make that happen.

• Ask a combination of both open-ended questions and closed-ended questions when discussing your product/service with the prospect. Doing so will give you plenty of opportunity to listen. By asking questions, you get the opportunity to listen and discover your client’s needs. Try some of the following questions along the way:

- What is the most important issue we are trying to address?- Tell me about your last experience with this product/service?- How does this seem to you?- Do you agree that this can help?- Are we on the right track?- Will this work in your case?- Is this what you had in mind?- Does this make sense to you?- What else haven't we covered that is important to you?

Another key to excellent listening and communication skills is providing great customer service. The following tips will show that you are listening to your client and that you are open to two-way communication:

Provide the customer with a simple way to get in touch with you, whether it’s your business card or a magnet.

After the sale, send them a note thanking them for doing business with you. If you don’t make the sale, send them a thank you note for taking the time to meet with

you.

Follow up to phone calls and emails in a prompt manner; by responding to client inquiries and concerns quickly, you can avoid potential snags or miscommunications.

Ask for feedback; this instills the trust and confidence your client has in you!

Follow up with your clients at various intervals (for example, 3, 6 or 9 months after the sale).

Fact Finding: The $64,000 Question(s)

According to BusinessDictionary.com, the definition of fact finding is the “discovery stage in an inquiry or investigation where information is procured (using tools such as questionnaires), verified, and assembled in a report, with or without the recommendations of the investigator.”

This definition may sound like business jargon, but put simply, fact finding is the process of asking questions to find out what the client needs and how a product or service can provide a solution to that need.

The Importance of QuestionsAsking questions means different things to men and women. Men ask questions for one purpose only: to gather information. For women, asking questions serves two purposes: to gather information and to show interest in what the other person has said in order to cultivate the relationship. For women, it’s all about connecting—connecting with the salesperson, their business, and others. As a salesperson, it is up to you what kind of connection will be made.

Women ask a lot of questions—more than men—and most women cannot move forward until all their questions are answered. Men exchange information whereas women have a relationship with the information they exchange. And because women have a relationship with information, they also have a relationship with everything they buy.

Case in Point: The Importance of Questions

Early in my career, one of my first sales positions was with a burglar alarm company. During my training, I was told not to ask any questions about how the alarm worked because it was such a “simple” process—and I was assured that the clients wouldn’t ask any questions, either. This is what I was told: “Just demonstrate the product and it will sell itself. Don’t ask them what they want or need. Have the ‘package’ put together and get in and out. You will be dealing with the husband and he wants to protect his family.”

I was young and new to the job, so I followed my trainer’s instructions. I arrived at the client’s home, walked in, introduced myself and proceeded to set up the alarm. I was stopped dead in my tracks by the female client, who immediately started asking me question after question: “How does it work? Is it connected to the police? Why is this alarm different than others? How many customers does the alarm company have? Could you provide me with some referrals of happy customers?” I couldn’t believe the number of questions she had, but I did my best to answer them—even though I hadn’t been prepared for those questions during my training.

Two hours later, the appointment ended and my clients said they needed to think about the product and would let me know their decision the next morning. When I returned to the office, my manager told me that I must have done something wrong to prompt all those questions and to have not made the sale.

The female client asked those questions because she wanted to establish rapport with me and with the product I was selling. I imagine my manager was not aware of the necessity of building relationships.

Fact Finding to Discover AnswersWith that said, men are generally transactional sellers as well as transactional buyers. This means that they like to know facts, figures, features and benefits before closing the sale. When men buy, they are fulfilling a need. Women, on the other hand, will sell the way they want to be sold to. They are more consultative in their sales approach. They focus on connecting with their client and solving problems together, asking questions that will encourage their client to talk:

“What problems are you trying to solve?”

“Tell me, what is important to you?”

“What is your primary focus today?”

Case in Point: Fact Finding to Discover Answers

In another job, I was on my way to an appointment and had a fairly new salesperson with me. He asked if I’d printed out the quote so he could review the details before we got to the appointment. I never print anything out and I never assume I know what the client needs...until I do some fact finding. I had been in the business for four years and he for about four weeks. He had traveled with others that had printed out their quotes and naturally assumed I would do the same.

When we arrived at the appointment, the woman gave me a scenario that involved at least a dozen different situations that could happen and wanted to know if and how she would be protected in each of these situations. I addressed every question and asked why these issues were important to her. She conveyed a story about a friend whose family struggled because they didn’t have the appropriate insurance coverage. By the end of the appointment, she decided on coverage not only for herself, but for the rest of her family, as well. If I had printed a quote for just her, as my colleague had suggested, the sale would have turned out much differently. The key strategy in this situation was to avoid assumptions and ask questions to determine exactly what the client needed.

Questions Eliminate BarriersBuilding relationships is selling. Ask questions and then listen before you speak. The true secret to fact finding is to answer all the questions, no matter how trivial they may seem to you. The more questions you ask, the more you will find out about your client. The more questions you

answer, the more your client will connect with you. Your job is to focus on your client’s needs and come up with an appropriate solution.

Case in Point: Questions Eliminate Barriers

When the lease on my car was ending, I was deciding between two cars. I went to the first showroom and a salesman offered to help me. He asked whether I was ready to purchase a car that day. I definitely was, but he never asked me any questions—not even the color of the car I was looking for. I told him I had some questions and he rolled his eyes. He threw away sale at that very moment. But I continued and asked him some questions and even made up a few, just to see what kind of customer service was ahead of me. He was obviously not interested in building a relationship, short- or long-term, with me.

I went to the next dealer and already felt my guard up. The salesmen approached me and I wanted to scream something to prepare him for what was about to happen, but he politely said to me, “Car shopping can be tortuous sometimes and I am hoping I can make this a pleasant experience for you. How and where can we begin?” My entire attitude changed and I knew I had found a home: I was in a comfortable, pressure-free environment where I could ask questions. I not only purchased a car that day, but also referred two of my friends who bought cars that week. I have been a repeat client for that sales pro ever since.

I did relay what happened to me at the first dealership and he laughed. He said he grew up with six sisters, and between them and his mom, he knew how women like to be treated and would do nothing less than treat women like family. Don’t you wish that would happen in every part of your life?

The difference in the two car dealerships was the willingness of the salesmen to ask and to answer questions. The first salesman built a barrier when he rolled his eyes and showed his impatience with my questions (which meant he lost the sale!). The second salesman eliminated barriers by asking, essentially, “How can I help you?”

Skirting the Issues Spotlight Next steps YOU can use from this chapter

Keep an open mind going into the sale.You don’t necessarily know everything your prospect needs—leave your assumptions behind and keep an open mind.Ask questions to establish a relationship.

- Ask closed-ended questions (“Do you currently use service/product?”)- Ask open-ended questions (“What do you like most about service/product? What do you

like least?”)- Ask approval questions (“If you wouldn’t mind answering four or five questions, together

we can determine which service/product will best suit all your needs.”)

Listen to further build that relationship.- Restate what the prospect said to ensure you’re both on the same page.- Ask follow-up, or “checking,” questions to ensure you understand your client properly.- Watch for signals: agreement, disagreement, confusion or frustration. These signals will

help you determine whether to ask more questions and what kind of questions to ask.Answer all questions.No question is too simple or “obvious” to answer.Understand your prospect’s budget.

- If your prospect can determine their budget, acknowledge and move on.- If not, provide them with the plans, levels and options they may choose from.

Make your prospect part of the process.All of these steps are meant to help you include you prospect in the entire sales process. Ask, listen, rinse, repeat!

Dressing the Part: More Skin = Less Power

With more and more women in the workplace, and many heading for the corner office, it’s important to be respected and taken seriously. From the time we were growing up, most girls played dress up. We graduated from princesses to pop stars and then we had our own style that would reflect how the world saw us. Dressing professionally isn’t about what you wear—it’s more about how you wear it.

Sex Doesn’t Necessarily Sell—Modesty DoesMany men—and some women, for that matter—will tell you that sex sells. While that is true, especially since it is a multi-billion dollar industry, it is not necessarily true in the professional arena.

Case in Point: Sex Doesn’t Necessarily Sell—Modesty Does

In the early 1990s a few of us were working a trade show. Some of the men in the office told the women that were working the show that they should wear short skirts and low-cut blouses. The men, of course, would be wearing suits. “Why should I wear short skirts and low-cut blouses?” I asked. Their response was, “Sex sells. You get them in the booth and we’ll close them.” Although I held my tongue and we did not dress to their liking, I did conduct an informal survey with all the men that visited our booth. I asked them three questions:

Do you prefer women that are going to sell you a serious product to be wearing professional attire or evening attire? The majority said professional attire. Which woman would you take more seriously in an office? Most everyone said the professional attire. If you were going out for the evening, which would you prefer? It was almost a unanimous vote for evening attire. (I just wanted to make sure they were honest and breathing!)

Now let’s move to a different trade show. This was a construction show and the women arrived professionally dressed. We were the only exhibitors that had nothing to do with construction, so that alone set us apart. The first night it opened, it was myself and another woman working our booth. We overheard two men saying, “Isn’t she beautiful? She really is gorgeous.” Needless to say we were flattered and excited that we heard that even without wearing short skirts. However, as the two men got a little closer, those wonderful remarks were aimed at a beautiful truck that was next to us. In this case, dressing professionally was neither an asset nor a liability.

In both of these examples, sex didn’t sell in the professional arena. To further emphasize this point, here are some interesting statistics from a survey conducted by Work Your Image:

• 75% of Americans say that a woman's appearance on the job is likely to affect whether she is taken seriously.

• 64% of respondents say that a woman’s appearance on the job affects whether she will be considered for a raise or promotion.

• 84% of Americans say that a woman’s appearance on the job is likely to affect whether she is asked to represent her company at outside meetings.

• 66% of respondents say that a woman’s appearance on the job is likely to affect whether she is given new challenges, responsibilities and opportunities.

Maria Puente summed it up the best in her article “How NOT to Dress for Work”, in which she wrote, “Of course, no one wants to return to the silly old days when women could be chastised—or even banned from the U.S. Senate floor—for wearing a pantsuit. But many people say the pendulum has swung too far.” Don’t let the pendulum swing too far in your professional attire!

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” - Mark Twain

Men’s Professional Attire Hasn’t Changed Over the YearsOur male counterparts don’t have as difficult a job as we do to dress professionally. Is it a suit, a jacket and pants, or a shirt and pants? They can dress up with a tie or dress down by taking the tie off. In the winter, they can add a sweater or vest and in the summer they can wear a short-sleeved shirt. In fact, if you look up dressing professionally for men, you will see longer and shorter versions of these descriptions above, but not too many additions or deletions. However, I did come across an article, “The General Appearance for Men,” that was compiled a few years ago. It is geared toward a man going on an interview:

- Dress in a manner that is professionally appropriate to the position for which you are applying. In almost all cases, this means wearing a suit. It is rarely appropriate to “dress down” for an interview, regardless of company dress code policy. When in doubt, go conservative.

- Clothing should be neat, clean, and pressed. If you don’t have an iron, either buy one or be prepared to visit the dry-cleaner’s often.

- Shower or bathe the morning of the interview and wear deodorant. - Don’t wear cologne or aftershave. - Make sure you have fresh breath. - Don’t smoke right before an interview. - Your hair should be neat, clean, and conservative. - If you have a facial piercing or earrings, remove the jewelry. - While it may be appropriate to dress more casually for a second interview, you must still

dress professionally. It’s much better to be too dressed up than too casual. A good rule of thumb is to dress like your boss.

When I first read this I would have guessed it was from the 1950s (until I got to the piercings). Really nothing has changed much for men in many years, and there aren’t many suggestions for men to dress professionally. Women’s professional attire, however, is an entirely different story.

Women’s Professional Attire OptionsThe guidelines for appropriate attire have changed drastically over the past several decades. There is no final say about what we should or shouldn’t wear, what is or is not appropriate, and what the alternatives are. I came across some pretty loose guidelines (for men and women) that I thought I’d share with you. These guidelines came from USA Today in 2004.

Probably OK Sleeveless tops, Leather mules, Multiple gold earrings, Highlights, Above-the-knee skirts, Cropped pants in dressy fabrics, Lace camisole peeking from blouse

Not OK Spaghetti straps, Rubber flip-flops Nose rings, Blue hair or other colors not found in nature, Micro-minis, Shorts, No socks, Denim jackets, Underwear as outerwear

With these guidelines in mind, let’s go over some of the choices in clothing that we have:

Suits: Many industries have dress codes, and for some that includes suits. They can be pantsuits (which some say are not feminine enough) as well as skirt suits.Pants: If you do wear pants, make sure they aren’t too tight and that you have no visible panty lines. (Fortunately, there are new remedies for that problem.) Make sure the pants are not cut too low so that if you bend down, you will remind people of the plumber on television. Skirts: If you choose skirts, the length is important. They should always be knee length or longer, and stay away from slits and tight skirts. You should do the “sit” test. Try the skirt on in front of a mirror. Do everything you would do in the office in front of the mirror; sit down and cross your legs, reach for something, stoop down. If you see too much leg, the skirt is probably too short. Tops: You can wear a spaghetti strap top if you plan on keeping your jacket on all day. If not, wear a top that is not as revealing. In either case, make sure you are not showing too much cleavage—and be mindful of whether others can see down your top when you bend forward!Shoes: As far as shoes, choose shoes that are appropriate—and save your high high-heels for your evenings out.Pantyhose/tights: The rule of thumb is that whenever any part of your leg is showing, you should be wearing pantyhose, thigh-high stockings, or tights.

Why Pantyhose?I am often criticized for wearing pantyhose in the 100-degree weather. But if I am going into the office, conducting a training session, or speaking on stage and I’m wearing a skirt or dress, my outfit is not complete without some kind of hose. Yes, I get the eye-rolling...and that is from both the men and the women. We had a very large training class and when I was not on stage I was sitting at a table with both men and women. Another trainer was on stage with a short skirt and no hose. The comments were not complimentary and those were from the men. Their biggest gripe was that she was not wearing hose. I rest my case.

If you have any question at all about what you are planning to wear, the outfit probably isn’t appropriate. In her book Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman, Gail Evans writes, “The primary message your clothes convey: I am suited up. I am ready to play. I am wearing the appropriate uniform to achieve my goal. Dress for the team, but do it with confidence, creativity, and within the range of your own personal comfort. Clothing telegraphs to the world not just who you think you are, but who you want to be.”

Skirting the Issues SpotlightNext steps YOU can use from this chapter

In addition to the tips and suggestions provided above under “Women’s Professional Attire Options”, you can find dozens of books written about dressing for success and appropriate professional attire, including:

A Guide to Style: A Manual for Business and Professional Women by Iris McMillan

Dress to Impress: How a Navy Blazer Changed My Life! by Joyce Nelson Shellhart and Lana Beck

New Women’s Dress for Success by John T. Molloy

Dressing Smart for Women: 101 Mistakes You Can't Afford to Make...and How to Avoid Them (Career Savvy) by JoAnna Nicholson. These books will give you great ideas and guidelines for dressing professionally in the workplace.

Closing The Deal: Don’t Be Such a Girl

Today, men and women speak, think, play, buy and sell differently. Their priorities, values and perspectives are different. Imagine that you are a lefty and the only set of golf clubs in a tournament is for a right-handed player. You will have to make some adjustments. Corporate executive and author Gail Evans says it best: “Being yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t and won’t succeed in a male world. It does mean you have to find a comfortable fit between who you are and the environment in which you work.”

You’ve gone through the entire sales process and now you are ready to close the deal. If the preceding steps in the sales process have gone smoothly, closing the sale should be the next natural step. But getting here is not always the way you anticipated.

In some instances, you are reading the buying signals that let you know that this client is going to close. They are starting to think more, talk less and give you positive feedback. In other instances you think they are ready to close and they tell you they need to think about it when there is still an objection hanging out there. In yet another instance, they are ready to close, just not today. You can recognize these three distinct scenarios on a sales appointment:

Scenario #1This is always the preferred situation: the client is ready to sign the deal. Men will start the application process as soon as they see a lull in the conversation. They might say something like this, “And your middle initial is?” as they start the application and the deal closes. Women might take the positive feedback and foster the relationship by saying, “Have we addressed all of your needs?” and again, the deal closes. The fear from a male perspective is that you are opening yourself up for more questions. While this portion of the sales process might take a little longer for women, you can see how in both instances, the deal would close, but one relationship would be long-term and one would not. However, you don’t want to be “Vicki Visitor” or “Tammy Timid.” This is the time to finish the process and your client does expect you to close the deal.

Scenario #2The second scenario is always a little trickier: the client has questions or needs privacy before closing the deal. Sometimes having to think about your product or service means they are asking for more information or perhaps just a little privacy. Other times it means they really need to think about it. Maybe it’s your product or maybe it’s their budget. When I was trained, I was told that the way to handle this would be to say “We have already discussed your budget and the product at length. Wouldn’t you agree that making a decision that is so important to you should be done now?” If they still need more time, your response should be, “I’ve gone over the product/service so that you understand it. It must be me then. Tell me what I did wrong so I can correct it next time.” This often made the client feel uncomfortable and guilty. Many times the deal was closed but many times it was cancelled before the salesperson got home. Now I will tell

you, that did not work for me and I never used that tactic. Some of the most successful men in my company used this as part of their scripting.

Going back to building relationships, at this point in the process, women are still asking questions. But, sometimes you just can’t get to the root of the problem. Have you ever had to tell someone that you just met that you can’t afford something? Isn’t budget one of the hardest objections to overcome? When I was in the field and I came across the situation that they needed to think about it and I knew that all questions had been answered, all needs had been fulfilled and the price didn’t seem to be a factor, I would excuse myself and give the clients a few minutes by themselves. Many times the wife would remind the husband what funds were available and when. These few minutes of privacy were sometimes all they needed to make the decision. Women listen hard—not just to what is said, but what is not said.

Scenario #3The third scenario is the most challenging: the client is not ready to close and requires additional time. They will not make a decision after one meeting. The reaction to this was not favorable when I was trained. I was told, “Go out there, use what you have, let them buy you and don’t come back without a check. If you don’t close it after the first visit, someone is coming right behind you that will.” I was told that was not a threat but rather an absolute guarantee.

My version was just a bit softer in content. I would tell my clients, “I understand this is such an important decision to make. Sometimes you need a little time to digest the information. Why don’t we schedule an appointment for next week at this time since this seems to have been a perfect time for us both. Between now and then, review the information and please call me with any questions that you have.” Not only did I make my clients feel at ease, I quickly discovered who was serious about continuing the process and who was not. Those that did not schedule another appointment went into a different file and would be followed up with at a later date. Those that did schedule that next appointment felt confident with their decision and would refer me to their friends and families.

When I shared my version of the appointment at my company, I was told “Don’t be such a girl,” and “Grow up or you will never be successful.” But I was successful and my business was based solely on referrals after my first year. I built relationships and many of my clients have become friends. I proved that “being a girl” was a good idea.

“Being a Girl” is OkayThere is not one perfect way to do anything—including selling. When you are trained to do something and the fit just doesn’t work, it’s okay to try new things. Men and women are different in almost everything they do. Remember, these differences started a long time ago with men being the hunters and women being the gatherers; the men protected and the women nurtured.

Women in the workplace encourage teamwork and collaboration. We are starting to see that the once all-male sales technique of “my way or the highway” is being questioned. Perhaps the more

we ask questions and probe what is bothering the clients instead of bullying them into buying, the more we’ll succeed.

But what happens until there is shift from one way to the other? Change takes time. It takes time to find out what motivates people to change and then actually persuade them to change. And in the long run, it will be worth it. Until then:

- You must rely on yourself to learn the product or service you are providing.

- Get comfortable with the verbiage, the technical aspects and the reason why someone should buy from you.

- Find the resources both in print and in person and use them to your advantage.

It does take time to make things fit. As Diane Mariechild says, “A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” Keep trying and adjusting until the fit is perfect.

Skirting the Issues Spotlight Next steps YOU can use from this chapter

You’ve met with your prospect, you’ve listened to and addressed their questions and concerns, and you’ve offered them all their options for your product or service. You’ve built a relationship. You’ve earned the right to ask them to buy! Now, it’s time to close.Closing Techniques:

Set an agenda with your prospect at the beginning of your appointment and stick to it. For example, “What I hope to accomplish for you today is______. How does that sound to you?” This paves the way for a smooth road to closing.

Look for verbal and non-verbal cues that your prospect is ready to buy, such as:

“I see what you mean.” (verbal)

“Can I afford the plan you describe?” (verbal)

Leaning forward and being very attentive. (non-verbal)

Shifting from a closed to an open posture indicating readiness to accept your advice and suggestions. (non-verbal)

Nodding affirmatively and actually participating in a positive way. (verbal or non-verbal)Assume that the client wants to buy—then help facilitate that process. Provide your prospect with options in their decision-making process, like:

Which of these methods of payment do you prefer?

We have some flexibility in providing you with product/service—which option are you most comfortable with today?

Give your prospect best- and worst-case scenarios if they buy; many buyers want reassurance that they are making the right decision.

And here’s the ultimate key to closing: Build a relationship with your prospect. Believe in what you are selling and show it.If the most successful people on your team are not using techniques that work for your individual style, reach out to others. Many women have written books on selling and sales. Read the information and devour as much content as you can, and then role-play until it feels natural.

Attitudes Are Contagious—Is Yours Worth Catching?

Do you think attitudes should be included in selling strategies? After all, it isn’t really part of the sales process…or is it? Your attitude is the single most significant determining factor of success in many situations. With the increased presence of women in the workplace, old attitudes and behaviors have had to change.

Attitude—whether positive or negative—will manifest itself in our daily lives. Adages that you’ve heard probably include:

- Attitude is more important than experience or education

- We cannot change the past or how others act, but we can change our reactions and attitude

- Positive attitude attracts positive outcome

Laughing At YourselfA positive attitude will help us create our future. No matter where you are, no matter who you are with, no matter how people treat you—it is your positive attitude that ultimately matters. Positive energy draws people to you in both your personal life and in business. The more comfortable people become around you, the more likely they are to do business with you. And part of being comfortable with yourself is the ability to laugh at yourself—even in tough or uncomfortable situations.

Case in Point: Laughing At Yourself

Here’s an example of when I had to laugh at myself. One of the positions I had was training on different products in 44 states. This meant 44 different state regulations, 44 different state mandates and 44 different versions of the same product. While the desired outcome was to have all the information in the training 100% correct, the odds were not in my favor.

The very first time I was called out for having less than perfect information, I felt my attitude changing, and I began to feel defensive. Although I had not designed the training, I was ultimately responsible for its final approval and delivery. Rather than tell the group I was training that the inaccuracies weren’t my fault, I turned it around and laughed at it and said, “A-ha! You are now part of the game. Since we do cover all 44 states, we always ask the group to see if they can pay closer attention to the details and find ‘Waldo’—or in other words, anything that is not correct for your state. The winner gets to gloat.” My attitude remained positive on the outside and I could feel my internal thermostat returning to normal. You wouldn’t believe how everyone became totally engrossed in the training.

After this happened, the game became part of my introduction. Needless to say, the surveys were always positive because we laughed at own mistakes and the audience realized we were human and got to learn in a fun, engaging way. The trainings went so well because I had such a positive attitude.

Your Positive Attitude is InfectiousYour attitude is the part of your personality that others see, the projection of yourself. It is important in all areas of life but especially so in the workplace. It is how others perceive you, including your boss; and if you are the boss, it determines how your employees perceive you. Whereas a negative attitude discourages and alienates, a positive attitude at work is infectious—it encourages and inspires.Someone with a positive attitude likes people and knows how to bring out the best in others. They instill in people a sense that it isn't impossible to finish a task or that there is a good reason for being at work today. A good attitude can give you and those around you a new sense of energy and purpose at work. Change your attitude and you automatically change:Your perspective, The way you interpret things, The decisions you make, The actions you take, The results you get.

There are probably times when you want to have a positive attitude, but the circumstances might prevent it. It’s all about choices. You can choose to react to a situation positively or negatively.

Case in Point: Your Positive Attitude is Infectious

In the late 1990s, my company had gotten itself into a situation that no one was sure if or how it would survive. We were told not to worry. We were told there was a plan in place. We were told the opportunity was still as strong as it was when I first began. To say I was scared was an understatement. After all, I loved this company and trusted everything I was told, but the indicators were not good. I was a leader in this company and ran a weekly meeting. I was the one that everyone looked up to and trusted. If I stood in front of them with doom and gloom written all over my face, that would be the message they heard. As it was, the company lost more than half of its field force because their field leaders didn’t stand as a united front and communicate what was happening in a positive manner.

I can remember going home and crying—but I didn’t dare bring that into the office. There was an unspoken “No Crying” rule in the office of all men (I was the only woman!), so I didn’t have the luxury of wearing negative emotions on my sleeve. I used some of the traits that are considered typically female and told them stories. These stories were factual explanations and I brought out the positive reasons why I was choosing to stay. I didn’t salvage the entire team, but I did keep a good portion of my team and we all made a conscious choice together to stay and get through the obstacles. We ended up just fine and many that left eventually asked to come back.

When a leader walks through the front door, she is on stage. Her every move is being watched. In my case, I needed to be consistent and predictable in how I was going to approach the challenges facing me.

How Negative Attitudes Can Affect Your WorkplaceNow you are probably thinking that not everyone can be “Positive Pollyanna” all the time. What about those “Negative Nellies”? One of the challenges we face is dealing with difficult people—those who have negative attitudes. It is important to understand that a person with a negative attitude has the same power to influence others as a person with a positive attitude. The difference appears in the results. Someone with a negative attitude can tear up a team, increase stress and decrease productivity. That atmosphere in a workplace can zap the confidence of others and make them believe that they are not able to do their job. Someone with a negative attitude becomes a cancer in your group. Unfortunately, that very same person may be a top producer or someone high on your team. But sometimes those at the top are the ones that have the farthest to tumble.

Case in Point: How Negative Attitudes Can Affect Your Workplace

HI have been moved around many times in my career and have lived in many states. Building a team when you are the new kid in town is not always the easiest thing to do. At one point, I “inherited” some people from another team and with that came several issues. One of the top producers from the other team didn’t feel that he was getting the recognition he deserved. Rather than let people figure out that he was a top producer on their own, he puffed out his chest and told everyone what a great salesperson he was and how anyone should be honored to be in his presence.

Another salesperson from my original team out-produced him every week and never said a word. Everyone knew it and she received constant recognition and praise from the team. Jane Sanders wrote in her article Gender Smart, “Women have been raised not to brag or boast. As girls, those who bragged lost friends and were ostracized. Boys who bragged and bossed others around became the leaders.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Numbers are numbers—and tracking numbers is part of the sales game. Displaying numbers on boards or reprinting reports and posting them is not only for the producer but also for the office; friendly competition is a great thing. Unfortunately in this situation, this infuriated him, and he decided to play both sides of the field. He was contracted with our company and went out and got contracted with a competitor. Every week after our meeting, he would leave and hold court outside in the parking lot, letting anyone that would listen to him know how well he was doing at the other company and how he would be in management in no time.

What do you do when this cancer can spread like wildfire in your group? Is his production worth risking everyone else’s success? I asked a male colleague what he would do in this situation and he told me not to worry because the money I would make on this producer

would be worth it and I should leave the negative behavior alone until it becomes unbearable. I decided on a different tactic: I un-invited this producer to my meetings and by default, he left the company. Did I suffer any casualties? I did, but not as many as if I’d let him stay. The other producer went on to become a field leader and she received more accolades and awards in her first year than he did in multiple years.

My colleague quietly watched the dynamics unfold and pulled up the production numbers before and after the other producer left. He was shocked that other than a little hiccup, my team’s numbers continued to grow. Numbers don’t lie. My colleague wondered how my team’s production was not affected long-term. My response was that communication, bonding with your team and keeping the attitudes positive will go a long way. Going forward, my colleague and I would sit and discuss the players and decide what would be the appropriate way to deal with attitudes and outcomes.

Being Assertive versus Being AggressiveA final piece on attitude. In this new world of men and women trying to work together in a harmonious atmosphere, women at times will try to take on some male characteristics that they feel will bring them success. This can be confusing to them, as well as to the men around them.

Men tend to be seen as “aggressive”—and that is an acceptable approach for men. When women try to mimic an aggressive attitude, they are seen as overdoing it—and such an attitude is usually not well received. Women are comfortable asking for help and sometimes this can be seen as a weakness. Women are stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to be ambitious—without overdoing it. According to Deborah M. Kolb, author of Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating the Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success, “To be a leader you have to be decisive and take charge. That fits fine for men, but when women do it they get labeled.”

Women need not be aggressive. Instead, they can be assertive. Being assertive is the ability to communicate one’s ideas or thoughts openly and with confidence. Acting in an assertive manner eliminates the forceful, in-your-face attitude that is usually associated with being “aggressive.”

Case in Point: Being Assertive versus Being Aggressive

My first sales leader was a woman who was clearly trying to mimic some of the traits of her sales leader, who was a man. She was aggressive to the point of being abusive. When she wanted something done, she demanded it and there was not one bit of femininity in her entire persona or in any of the selling skills she was trying to teach. She made a point of letting everyone know she was performing like her male sales leader and that she would beat him in every contest they would compete in. Interestingly enough, his behavior was as aggressive as her behavior—but people tolerated it because he was male.

One day during our meeting I had a question. After I asked a question that I thought would be beneficial for her entire team, she yelled, “IN MY OFFICE, NOW!” in front of more than 60 people. I walked into her office, she slammed the door and proceeded to scream at me for a good five minutes at the top of her lungs. I knew everyone could hear every word. She accused me of making others feel as if she wasn’t doing her job because I had a question. “Why do you need to ask so many questions? Can’t you just figure things out yourself? Couldn’t you just get to the bottom line? You are acting like such a brat and such a girl.”

She couldn’t believe I dared to make her look bad in front of her male counterpart. And that was what truly bothered her—because no one ever questioned him. At the end of her tirade, I walked out of her office, walked past the stone-silent group, got in my car and drove home.

Unfortunately, I was driving a bit above the speed limit and was pulled over by a state trooper. His words to me were, “Honey, do you know how fast you were going?” I certainly was not going to challenge him about anything or question the way he spoke to me, because I still believed I should be respectful and have a positive attitude—even during this horrible day. He was kind enough to give me a warning (a $350 warning!) and sent me on my way.

It’s likely that a man would have dealt with a day like this by himself, following the “fight or flight” mentality and escape to possibly hit balls at the driving range or doing something physical. It is unlikely that a man would have internalized this or blown a gasket.

As a woman, I could have gone home and told my children what happened so that I would feel loved and supported, but I decided to take a different route. I drove back to the office and walked into my manager’s office, handed him the speeding ticket and told him that I was not paying this ticket and told him the way the sales leader spoke to me was inappropriate and he would need to see how this could be changed. In this case, I was assertive—not aggressive. He took the ticket and brought me into her office and told her not only was she going to pay the ticket, she was to buy me a radar detector and that her aggressive behavior would stop then and there. He told her that she hadn’t won this round. Short and sweet—the way the sales leader liked conversations—and my manager even added the sports metaphor to make his point.

Skirting the Issues Spotlight Next steps YOU can use from this chapter.

Sometimes it isn’t easy to keep a positive attitude—but you have the power to choose your attitude. Did a sale that you thought was definite change their mind? Did a friend or family member do something to send you over the edge? Is it just one of those days? No matter what obstacles you face, here are a few strategies that will improve your mood:

• Work off the stress with some physical activity.• Find someone that you are comfortable with and vent.

• If you would rather not talk about it, start a blog. You’d be amazed how quickly your mood changes!

• Avoid energy vampires—remove the toxic people from your life.• Play some music and turn it up loud.• Don’t sweat the small stuff—prioritize your list and let the rest go for now.

Ask yourself this: When was the last time my attitude, good or bad, made a difference? You can probably even think of examples from your day today. Consider how your attitude affected the situation, what the results were and what changes (if any) you would make in a similar situation.

To make the point about the importance of attitude, I’m including an exercise for you:

Write the word ATTITUDE on a piece of paper.

Now, each letter is assigned its numeric value where A is 1 and Z is 26. So, under the letter A write 1, T write 20, T is 20, I is 9, T is 20, U is 21, D is 4 and E is 5.

When you add the numbers up, it comes to 100. Isn’t 100 worth striving towards?

You might want to put this somewhere that you can look at it daily.

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” - Francesca Reigler