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Introduction

Welcome to Peer Mediation! You are about to discover a new way to make your school a safer place to be. You will also gain valuable experience, skills, and an understanding about conflict resolution. You were selected to be a peer mediator because of your skills in

• Leadership • Communication • Problem Solving • Flexibility • Organization

As a mediator, you will be a neutral third party who helps individuals involved in conflict find a win – win solution. When you successfully complete the program, you will be certified to mediate conflicts at school. You will also know how to solve problems at home and in your neighborhood in a peaceful way. As part of the peer mediation training, you will be responsible for completing all assignments and participating in the exercises and role-plays. You will be asked to follow these ground rules.

1. Listen with respect 2. Participate responsibly 3. Make an honest effort to use the concepts taught 4. Motivate yourself to stay focused

Peer mediation is a serious commitment with many benefits. The experience and

skills you will be learning will be useful to you for the rest of your life. They can enhance your college applications, assist you in choosing a career and help in building healthy relationships.

Congratulations!

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Vocabulary List

Agreement ____________________________________________________________ Body Language ______________________________________________________ Brainstorming ______________________________________________________ Caucus ____________________________________________________________ Clarify ____________________________________________________________ Common Ground _______________________________________________________ Communication _________________________________________________________ Confidentiality __________________________________________________________ Conflict ____________________________________________________________ De escalate ____________________________________________________________ Disputant ____________________________________________________________ Emotions ____________________________________________________________ Empathy ____________________________________________________________ Escalate ____________________________________________________________ Hidden Agenda _________________________________________________________ Impartial ____________________________________________________________ Mediation ____________________________________________________________ Mediator ____________________________________________________________ Neutral ____________________________________________________________ Paraphrase ____________________________________________________________ Resolution ____________________________________________________________ Win – Win ____________________________________________________________

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The Nature of Conflict

A conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or thoughts. Conflicts are a natural part of life and can be managed in productive or destructive ways. Conflict can be positive when it results in change for the better, better understanding of ourselves and others, or learning of new behaviors. Conflict can be negative when feelings are hurt, violence occurs, relationships end, or property is damaged. Every conflict is an opportunity for a positive choice and can be settled in a nonviolent way. As a mediator, you will use your communication and problem solving skills to help disputants examine their conflict and work together to reach a win – win solution!

Symbol Definition

Kids Adults World

Leaders

What do they have conflicts about?

Conflict

Conflict Word Web

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Alternatives1. 2. 3.

Choose the Best

Alternative

Evaluate your

Decision

StopAnd

Think

Consider Consequences

Act Responsibly

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What is Mediation?

Peer mediation is an opportunity for two people who are having a dispute to meet

together face to face to resolve their conflict with the help of two trained student mediators. The mediators are neutral third parties who facilitate the process by setting ground rules, controlling the communication flow, and helping the parties to brainstorm possible solutions to which they can agree. An agreement is written and signed by all parties. Step One: Introduction and Ground Rules The mediation begins with an opening statement, which welcomes the disputants, and explains the mediation process. Mediators explain confidentiality and set the ground rules. Step Two: Getting the Story The next step in the mediation process is gathering the information or getting the story. Disputants will have an opportunity to tell their story without interruption. The mediators will listen and paraphrase what is said until both disputants have had an opportunity to share all relevant issues and concerns. This step ends with the mediator summarizing the problem and clarifying the issues. Step Three: Brainstorming for Solutions Once all information has been shared, mediators will introduce the brainstorming process. Disputants will come up with as many ideas as they can to solve the conflict. This is a time for thinking, not judging or choosing. Step Four: Choosing a Solution The next step in the mediation process is for the disputants to evaluate the options and agree on a win-win solution. The solution needs to be respectful, relevant, reasonable, responsible, and related. The mediators fill out the report form and the disputants sign it. Step Five: In the Future In this step, disputants talk about what they could do differently to prevent the problem from happening again. Step Six: Closing The mediators congratulate the disputants for solving their conflict and remind them the mediation is confidential. They ask the disputants to tell their friends the conflict has been solved to prevent rumors from spreading.

Mediation is a WIN – WIN solution!

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Communication Skills

Communication is a complex exchange of ideas and perceptions. It includes what

we say as well as how we say it. Many conflicts occur because of poor communication. As a mediator you will help disputants to clarify and communicate their feelings and needs.

Words are just the tip of the iceberg!

Body Language

17%

23%

60%

Words

Tone and Volume

Active Listening

One of the most powerful communication skills we use in resolving conflicts is active listening. Active listening includes having an attitude of genuine interest as well as using communication skills including paraphrasing, questioning and summarizing. An active listener

Maintains eye contact Stays focused on the speaker Remains attentive Identifies and restates important facts and feelings Asks clarification questions Is aware of body language and facial expressions

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Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing means to listen with an open mind to what the other person is saying

and then to restate the important points in your own words. The listener must focus on what is being said without judging, criticizing, or interrupting. When the mediator paraphrases what was said, it clarifies the information and helps the disputants to see the other person’s point of view. Sometimes disputants are so angry with each other they can only hear the other person’s side of the story when the mediator restates it in a neutral way.

Paraphrasing Lead Ins

In other words… So you mean that… If I understand you correctly…. You said… _______________________ _______________________ _______________________ _______________________

Questioning

Sometimes when disputants come to mediation they may have difficulty telling what happened or may not tell the whole story. It is the mediator’s job to ask questions to find the missing information. Effective questions can help both the mediator and the disputants understand the problem. Good questions will help the disputants focus on the problem and relevant details.

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Ask questions 5. When one part of the story contradicts another part. 6. When you do not understand what the disputant has said. 7. When the disputant is telling only facts, not feelings. 8. When body language doesn’t match what is being said. 9. When you need relevant details.

Open Ended Questions: encourage the disputant to give more information. They do not allow for a yes or no answer.

“What do you want to happen?” “ How did you feel when this happened?” Closed Ended Questions: clarify unclear statements, require only a yes or no

answer, and do not provide additional information. “Are you willing to solve the problem?” “Did you do it on purpose?” Reality Questions: are designed to show possible consequences, point out unrealistic

or impossible expectations, and to move a party away from an unyielding position.

“What would happen if you…?” “If this isn’t settled, how will it effect your friendship?”

Ask questions to clarify.

“Can you help me understand?” Avoid why questions. Rephrase so they do not sound accusatory.

“What was the reason for …?” Remember to keep your questions neutral!

Questioning Tips Be alert to missing links and contradictions in the story.

“Can you tell me more about…?”

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Summarizing

After hearing each disputant’s side of the story and paraphrasing what was said, the mediator summarizes the conflict by stating the important issues and feelings that were shared. This should be done after the disputants have shared all the relevant issues and before moving on to step three: Brainstorming.

Summarizing Lead Ins

So the conflict is…. As I understand it, the problem … The problem involves… The conflict is about… _______________________ _______________________ _______________________ _______________________

Roadblocks to Communication

Communication is discouraged when a listener responds in a way that makes the speaker feel judged, put down, or belittled.

Avoid these roadblocks. Ordering - “Come up with 3 ideas right now!” Advising - “I think you should both apologize and forget the whole thing.” Warning - “If you continue to do that you will get suspended.” Moralizing - “It’s not nice to cheat on your girlfriend.” Judging - “Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.” Diagnosing - “It seems like you were both overtired from the night before.” Distracting - “Let’s talk about something else.” Bribing - “If you settle this now, you can have some free time to talk.” Reassuring - “I know you can be friends again.”

Brainstorming Brainstorming is a creative process for problem solving. The disputants list as many ideas as possible for solving the conflict. Ideas are not evaluated or commented on at this time. This is a time for thinking, not judging or choosing. Mediators should explain the brainstorming process to the disputants as

A chance for both disputants to think of all possible ways to solve the problem Say any ideas that come to mind Do not judge ideas

Ideas will be written down and you will decide later which ones you think will work.

What can be done to resolve the conflict? What do you need to make the problem better? What are you willing to do to solve the problem? What other possibilities can you think of?

Brainstorm Starters

Evaluating the Options

After brainstorming has occurred and the mediator feels that all possible ideas for a solution have been identified, it is time to choose a solution. The mediator starts this step by asking: “Which idea or ideas do you think will work? The mediators should guide the disputants to choose a solution that is respectful, relevant, reasonable, responsible, and related to the problem.

Is this a fair solution?

Can it be done?

Does it relate to the original problem? Once the disputants have chosen a solution(s), summarize the agreement and ask, “Do you both take responsibility for carrying out this agreement?”

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Arranging the Room

Mediation is a formal, orderly process. The mediator is in control of the mediation from the moment the disputants enter the room. The mediator conveys an atmosphere of trust and safety by being prepared and having the room properly set up. The best arrangement is to have the disputants separated at a safe distance with a table between them. The disputants should be facing each other to allow for the development of communication between them.

M M

D

D

Room Arrangement

M = Mediators

D

D M

M

D = Disputants

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Opening Statements

The opening statement sets the pace for the entire mediation process. The opening statement

• Establishes that the mediator is in control of the session

• Explains what mediation is

• Establishes the neutrality of the mediator

• Sets the ground rules

• Establishes an atmosphere of trust and confidentiality

Step One

The mediator welcomes the participants by giving his/her name and asking the disputants their names. The mediator acknowledges acquaintance with either or both parties. The mediator asks if either disputant has a problem with him/her serving as the mediator.

“Welcome to mediation. My name is __________. What are yours? I do (do not) know either of you. Do either of you have a problem with me being your mediator today?”

Step Two The mediator states his/her qualifications. This helps to create a feeling of control and confidence. “I have had _____ hours of training and have taken an oath as a peer mediator.” Step Three Explain what mediation is. The mediation process will go more smoothly if the disputants understand what is expected of them.

“Mediation is an opportunity for both of you to sit face to face with a neutral third party to talk about your conflict and identify solutions you can both agree to. Mediators do not judge, take sides, or tell you what to do. You will each have an opportunity to tell your side of the story and then brainstorm ideas for resolving the problem. You will choose the ones you both agree to and I will write them down on an agreement form that you will each sign.

Step Four The mediator sets the ground rules and asks for agreement.

“ There are some ground rules you must agree to before we begin. Everything we say in this room is confidential unless it involves drugs, weapons, threats, or abuse. Then we will have to tell our advisor and possibly end the mediation. You must also agree to

1. Be honest 2. Show respect by

a. listening without interrupting b. avoiding fighting, name calling, and other fouls

3. Be motivated to solve the problem 4. Take responsibility for carrying out your agreement

Do you agree to these rules?” Step Five The mediator gives further explanation of the process including note taking, the adult in the room, and the possibility of a caucus.

“I may take notes while you are speaking. This is to help me remember what has been said. The notes will be destroyed at the end of the mediation session. You may have noticed ____________ in the back of the room. He/she is there for safety reasons only. If we get stuck, I may choose to have a private session with each of you. What you say will remain confidential unless you give me permission to share the information with the other disputant. Do you have any questions?”

Step Six The mediator concludes the opening statement in a positive way by thanking the disputants for choosing mediation to solve their conflict. The mediator can ask who would like to talk first or choose the disputant on the right to begin.

“Thank you for choosing mediation as a way to resolve your conflict. Let’s get started. I usually start with the person on my right.”

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Persuasion Techniques to Use with Disputants

A mediator uses persuasion techniques to help disputants clearly focus on their problem and to consider every side of the conflict. These strategies can be used to help the disputants through an impasse by considering something that may be in their best interest in the long run. Actively Listen: listen and paraphrase what the other said, especially repeating those things that sound like a desire for a resolution Appeal to Commonly Held Standards: get the disputants to agree on some basic matters on which they agree Appeal to Current Needs/Wants: find common interests or motivation for solving the conflict Appeal to Past Practices: reach back to a time when the disputants did get along Challenge Assumptions: point out if one of the parties is assuming something rather than basing it on fact Control the Order that Issues are Discussed: try to get agreement on the easy issues first. Alternate matters so that one party isn’t giving in on everything at one time Discuss Consequences: ask the disputants what will happen if they choose not to settle the conflict Encourage: focus on the progress the disputant’s have made Focus on the Future: remind the disputants that the past cannot be changed Humor: defuse angry feelings in a humorous and constructive way - laughter and smiling, when appropriate, can ease a tense situation Point out inconsistencies: point out when the disputant’s story changes Prioritize: find out each disputant’s most important wants or needs Reality Check: point out when the disputant is demanding something that is not possible Role Reversal: ask the disputants to view the situation from the other person’s perspective Silence: be quiet and let the disputants think

Solution Strategies

Apologize: Saying you are sorry does not have to mean you are wrong – you can be sorry the conflict happened!

Chance: Flip a coin to solve the dispute. Common Interests: Listen for and point out similar interests or desires. Compromise: Both parties give up something and both parties get

something in order to resolve the conflict. Consultation: Seek help when the conflict is too difficult to solve. Focus on the Future: The past can’t be changed but the parties can agree to

do things differently next time. Help: The parties decide to assist each other. Share: The parties use the item together. Take Turns: One goes first, then the other. Use the Facts: Deal with the facts. The truth is powerful!

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Taking Notes

The mediators may decide to take notes during the mediation session to help remember important details. Disputants should be told about this possibility during the opening statement. If you choose to take notes, they must be destroyed at the end of the session. When taking notes, the mediators should write down

• Key issues

• Important facts

• Questions that need clarifying

• Resolution ideas

• What disputants are willing to do It is essential to maintain active listening while taking notes!

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General information about the dispute

Disputant 1 Information Questions

Solutions

Disputant 2 Information Questions Solutions

Sample Note Taking Format

The Caucus

A caucus is a private session the mediator holds individually with each disputant. This occasionally becomes necessary if the mediator feels that one or both of the parties may have a hidden agenda. Disputants may not reveal how they really feel or what they want or need for a variety of reasons:

• Fear of physical violence at a later time • Embarrassment to admit a feeling in front of the other disputant • Fear of getting someone in trouble • Mistrust of the mediator • Seeing compromise as a weakness

It is always preferable to work with both disputants together. However, when the

mediation process gets stuck, the mediator may choose to hold a caucus. To maintain impartiality, always meet with both disputants. Keep private sessions as short as possible and be sure to spend the same amount of time with each disputant. At the end of each caucus ask, “Is there anything you told me that you do not want me to repeat?”

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Reasons for Holding a Caucus

To gain information or clarify details the disputant may be unwilling to share in the joint session

To move beyond an impasse To reduce tension between disputants To explore options To give people time to think and reflect To build trust in the mediator To avoid a potentially dangerous situation

Guidelines for a Caucus

All the rules of confidentiality remain the same Use the skills of active listening, clarifying and summarizing Do not permit discussion of issues that are not related to the dispute Point out non-verbal behavior that was observed in the joint mediation

session Information shared during the caucus is not shared with the other disputants

unless permission is given Attempt to convince the disputant to tell the other party how he/she feels and

what he/she wants

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The Mediation Process Checklist Step I: Introductions and Ground Rules

Ask if there is anything either disputant would like to add Summarize the problem Make introductions Explain Mediation Explain the Ground Rules Explain confidentiality Complete your opening statement Ask for any questions before beginning

Step II: Getting the Story

Ask both disputants to tell their side of the story Ask disputants how they feel about the conflict Paraphrase Ask questions Ask if there is anything either disputant would like to add Summarize the problem

Step III: Brainstorm for Solutions

Explain the brainstorming process Ask disputants for any ideas they have to resolve the conflict Ask questions to encourage ideas Avoid judging or criticizing ideas Write down all ideas

Step IV: Choosing a Solution

Review the solutions that were suggested Ask disputants to select the solutions they feel would work best Be sure the solution is respectful, relevant, reasonable, responsible, and related Summarize the agreement Write the agreement Ask disputants if they agree to the solution Ask disputants to sign the agreement

Step V: In the Future

Ask the disputants what they could do differently to prevent the problem from happening again

Encourage disputants to use mediation again if needed Step VI: Closing the Session

Congratulate the parties and thank them for participating in mediation Remind the parties to keep the details confidential Encourage the parties to tell their friends the problem is solved Destroy any notes that were taken during the session

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Mediator’s Script

Step 1: Introductions and Ground Rules

Mediator 1 Welcome to mediation. My name is _________ and this is _________. What are your names?

Mediator 2 Mediation is an opportunity for both of you to talk about your conflict and

identify solutions you can both agree to. Mediators do not judge, take sides, or tell you what to do. You will each have an opportunity to tell your side of the story and then brainstorm ideas for resolving the problem. You will choose the ones you both agree to and I will write them down on an agreement form that you will each sign.

Mediator 1 There are some ground rules you must agree to before we begin.

Everything we say in this room is confidential unless it involves drugs, weapons, threats, or abuse. Then we will have to tell our advisor and possibly end the mediation. You must also agree to

10. Be honest 11. Show respect by

listening without interrupting avoiding fighting, name calling, and other fouls

12. Be motivated to solve the problem 13. Take responsibility for carrying out your agreement

Do you agree to these rules?

Mediator 2 I may take notes while you are speaking. This is to help me remember what has been said and will be destroyed at the end of the mediation session. You may have noticed the teacher in the back of the room. He/she is there for safety reasons only. If we get stuck, I may choose to have a private session with each of you. What you say will remain confidential unless you give me permission to share the information with the other disputant.

Do you have any questions? Thank you for choosing mediation as a way to resolve your conflict.

Step 2: Getting the Story Mediator 1 ________________, tell me what happened. (paraphrase)

Is there anything you would like to add? How do you feel about this? (paraphrase)

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Mediator 2 ________________, tell me what happened. (paraphrase)

Is there anything you would like to add? How do you feel about this? (paraphrase)

Mediator 1 So the problem is __________. (summarize)

Step 3: Brainstorm for Solutions Mediator 2 Now we are going to brainstorm for solutions. This is a chance for both of

you to think of as many ideas as possible for solving the conflict. Say any ideas that come to mind. This is a time for thinking, not judging or choosing. All ideas will be written down and you will decide later which ones you think will work.

________________, what can be done to resolve the conflict? (write down all ideas) Anything else you would like to add?

Mediator 1 ________________, what can be done to resolve the conflict?

(write down all ideas) Anything else you would like to add?

Are there any other possibilities can you think of?

Step 4: Choosing a Solution Mediator 2 ________________, which solutions would you like to try?

Anything else? Mediator 1 ________________, which solutions would you like to try?

Anything else? Mediator 2 __________, you have agreed to ________________. __________, you have agreed to ________________. Mediator 1 Is this conflict solved?

(fill out and sign agreement form)

Step 5: In the Future Mediator 1 ________________, what do you think you could do differently in future

so this problem doesn’t happen again? Mediator 2 ________________, what do you think you could do differently in future

so this problem doesn’t happen again?

Step 6: Conclusion

Mediator 1 Congratulations for solving your conflict. Please remember that mediation is confidential. Remember also to tell your friends that the problem has been solved to prevent rumors from spreading. Thank you for coming to mediation.

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Peer Mediation Report Form Referral Information: To be completed before mediation Referring Person ______________________________________ Date _____________ Students Involved in Conflict: Student 1: _________________________ Student 2: _________________________ Grade ____ Room # ____ Male ____ Female ____ Grade ____ Room # ____ Male ____ Female ____ Conflict is about: (check all that apply)

name-calling rumors physical contact (hitting, pushing)

lost/damaged property relationship problem other ____________

Place of Conflict:

Classroom Cafeteria Restroom

Bus/Bus stop Hall Other

Mediation Information: To be completed during the mediation Is this conflict resolved? (check one)

Yes Classroom No

Students’ Agreement

________________ agrees to (name) ____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________ (signature) Mediator 1 _________________________________ (signature) Day _______________ Date__________

________________ agrees to (name) ____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________ (signature) Mediator 1 _________________________________ (signature) Day _______________ Date__________

Important – This form is confidential and should not be placed in the student’s cumulative folder. Copies may be given to the students involved, referring person and mediation coordinator.

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