Intimacy and Grief

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    outlinewed06 OCT

    QUIZ NO.20

    Intimacy

    Grief and Loss

    Meaning

    Elements: True Intimacy

    Intimacy Fears

    Definitions

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    THE MEANING OF

    INTIMACY

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    CAPACITYTo commit to particular peoplein relationships that last over time

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    To meet the accompanying demands for change

    in ways that do not compromise personal integrity

    CAPACITY

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    born between two peoplewho open themselves up,make themselves vulnerable,

    and allow and invite each other tosee into their deepest selves.

    INTIMACY

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    ELEMENTS OF

    INTIMACY

    TRUE

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    An abundant inner sourceof self-nurturance

    ONE

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    Trust in ourselves to receiveloyalty and betrayal

    TWO

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    Ability to give and receive

    THREE

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    Respect for ground rulesregarding lifestyles, responsibilities,

    sex, and differing time/space needs

    FOUR

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    Encouraging, fearless, and pleased acceptance

    of the others unique needs, differences,

    development, and path

    FIVE

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    Engaged focus on the other

    SIX

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    Commitment to maintain the relationship

    during periods when ones needs

    are not being met

    SEVEN

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    Ability to tolerate love and angerat the same time

    EIGHT

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    Ability to pass throughthe normal phases of relationships

    NINE

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    Commitment to an essential bondthat weathers the stresses

    and crises of change

    TEN

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    FEARS that arisein Intimate Relationships

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    MAJOR FEARSTWO

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    Fear of being abandoned

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    Fear of being abandoned

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    Fear of being engulfed

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    Fear of being engulfed

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    These are normal fears.

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    Capacity to commit ourselveswithout being immobilized by fears

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    Fear ofAbandonment= Fear of Independence

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs space

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

    Is taking care of the other and not of oneself

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

    Is taking care of the other and not of oneselfAlways wants to give more (sense of never giving enough)

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

    Is taking care of the other and not of oneselfAlways wants to give more (sense of never giving enough)

    Goes along with others ideas, plans, or timing

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

    Is taking care of the other and not of oneselfAlways wants to give more (sense of never giving enough)

    Goes along with others ideas, plans, or timing

    Has no personal boundaries or bottom line for abuse

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    Has trouble letting go when the other needs spaceSeeks maximum contact (clings)

    Is enmeshed or obsessive about the others story

    Is taking care of the other and not of oneselfAlways wants to give more (sense of never giving enough)

    Goes along with others ideas, plans, or timing

    Has no personal boundaries or bottom line for abuseCopes with any conduct

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    Is addicted to the other

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

    Rationalizes (makes excuses that enable coping)

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

    Rationalizes (makes excuses that enable coping)Protects the other from the impact of ones own feelings

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

    Rationalizes (makes excuses that enable coping)Protects the other from the impact of ones own feelings

    Shows fear, represses anger

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

    Rationalizes (makes excuses that enable coping)Protects the other from the impact of ones own feelings

    Shows fear, represses anger

    Distress is caused by comings/goings

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    Is addicted to the otherNeeds constant reassurance that the other will stay

    Fears aloneness

    Rationalizes (makes excuses that enable coping)Protects the other from the impact of ones own feelings

    Shows fear, represses anger

    Distress is caused by comings/goingsManifests clinging, closeness, and reaching out

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    Fear ofEngulfment= Fear ofDependency

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

    Feels entitled to need fulfillment by the other

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

    Feels entitled to need fulfillment by the otherConstrues giving as obligating, or receiving as smothering

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

    Feels entitled to need fulfillment by the otherConstrues giving as obligating, or receiving as smothering

    Needs to be in control, to make decisions, or to be right

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    Has trouble making a commitmentSeeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

    Feels entitled to need fulfillment by the otherConstrues giving as obligating, or receiving as smothering

    Needs to be in control, to make decisions, or to be right

    Has no tolerance of disloyalty or inadequacy

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    Has trouble making a commitment

    Seeks more space (distances)

    Takes the other for granted or is indifferent

    Feels entitled to need fulfillment by the otherConstrues giving as obligating, or receiving as smothering

    Needs to be in control, to make decisions, or to be right

    Has no tolerance of disloyalty or inadequacyHas rigid boundaries with no tolerance of error

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    Seduces the other and then withholds

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