INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

INTERPERSONALEFFECTIVENESSObjective EffectivenessRelationship EffectivenessSelf Respect Effectiveness

The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 1

The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center

When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills


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Balancing Priorities and Demands Ask others for help Say “No” to unwanted requests If lacking structure, try to create structure and responsibilities

Offer to do things If overwhelmed reduce low priority demands



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Balancing Wants-to-ShouldsLook at the balance between how much you

do because you enjoy it “want to” and “have to” –try to find a balance, even when you need to….

Say NO to unwanted requests Get your opinions taken seriously

Ask for what you want/need in an appropriate way



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Attending to Relationships Don’t let problems build up Use skills to head off problems End hopeless relationships Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming



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Building Mastery and Self Respect Interact with others and yourself in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless or overly dependent Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your own wise mind

Objective effectiveness

Ask for what you want

Say No to unwanted or unreasonable requests

Negotiate Conflict without damaging the relationship

Describe Express Assert Reinforce

Mindfully Appear

Confident Negotiate

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Assertiveness-Getting your objectives or goals met in a situation, effectively

Assertive:Self-confidentSelf-assuredFirmPowerfulForcefulPersuasiveinfluential

Modulating intensity


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How you ask for something or say no to an unwanted request depends on the situation

Level of intensity you need to use Level of insistence you need to use

Factors to consider when deciding how or at what level to respond

Modulating Intensity (Continued)

HIGH INTENSITY: TRY AND CHANGE THE SITUATION

LOW INTENSITY: ACCEPT THE SITUATION AS IT IS

Ask firmly, insist 6 Refuse Firmly, don’t give in.

Ask firmly, resist no 5 Refuse firmly, resist giving in.

Ask firmly, take no 4 Refuse firmly, and reconsider

Ask tentatively, take no

3 Express unwillingness.

Hint openly, take no 2 Express unwillingness, but say yes

Hint indirectly, take no

1 Express hesitancy, say yes

Don’t ask, don’t hint 0 Do what other wants without being asked

Factors to Consider when using I.O.E.

Relationship effectiveness

Acting in a way that the other person keeps respecting you

Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long term relationship

(be) Gentle

(act) Interested

Validate

(use an) Easy Manner

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Obtaining and maintaining a good relationship

Repairs

“This skill is about having HEALTHY relationships that LAST!”

Effectively making and accepting apologies (shows compassion and respect).Letting Go! (This can enhance relationships by leaving your past in the past).Admitting when you are wrong or have made mistakes.

4 Horseman of the Apocalypse

Common YOUTH “Horsemen”Not CommunicatingWithdrawalDishonestlyNot going to schoolPlaying video gamesBullyingViolenceDrugs and AlcoholUnhealthy eating habitsDelinquency

This skill involves identifying the

primary destructive forces that each

person brings into a relationship that ultimately can

cause stress and damage to

relationships.

Examples of

common

ADULT

Horsemen…

Dishonesty Not taking mental

health meds Out-of-control spending Credit card debt Workaholism Drugs and Alcohol Unhealthy eating habits Compulsive and

addictive behaviors Violence Infidelity

4 Horseman of the Apocalypse

Self Respect Effectiveness

Respecting your own values and beliefs

Acting in a way that makes you feel moral

Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective Taps into PLEASE

MASTER

(be) Fair

(no) Apologies

Stick to values

(be) Truthful

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Keeping or Improving Self Respect and liking for yourself

Factors that Reduce Interpersonal Effectiveness and Dealing with Difficult People


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Lack of Skill

Worry Thoughts

Emotions

Indecision

Environment

Everyone has to deal with difficult people from time to time; remarkably unpleasant, cranky, argumentative or down-right snotty individuals. Utilizing the concepts of Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are used in these situations in order to maximize our effectiveness.

Overview of Interpersonal Effectiveness


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DEAR MAN - Asking for what you want/Saying No

GIVE - Keeping/Maintaining healthy relationships

FAST - Self Respect

INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

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