Interpersonal

Effectiveness18th April, 2013

Introduction to Research ID 6020

"If you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, go together.“ 

Cliché! IPS Is An Ocean

Emotional Intelligence – Self-Awareness, Self-

Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management

Assertiveness, Conflict Management

People Skills – Social Intelligence

Communication-Listening, Non-Verbal – Body

Language

Setting the Context

Awareness Interpersonal Effectiveness

AdvisorColleagues, Lab Mates,

Hostel Mates

Starting with Self-AwarenessTypes of Research Scholars

TYPE1: “I have come here to do path-breaking research. I don’t worry about time. I understand that 5 years is the upper limit.”

TYPE2: “I have come here to get a degree. I want to finish in 3-31/2 years. I have family/other commitments.”

Goes onto Understanding

OthersTypes of Guides

TYPE 1

TYPE 2

TYPE 3

A Common Typology

‘Significant Others’?GTC/DC/Compre

Members

Colleagues

Other faculty

Staff

Hostel Mates

Friends

Symptoms of Unhealthy Interpersonal Skills

Family• Arguments

increase – for the silliest reasons!

• You start smoothening conflicts – not addressing them.

• You are misunderstood more often.

• More time @ work – not necessarily working!

Research• Starting to

avoid bumping into the guide!

• Infrequent visits to the department.

• Venting out with fellow scholars more often.

• It’s my research and my world.

Workplace• Everyday is

Monday morning!

• Cribbing on the rise.

Interpersonal Skills – NOT At Its Best!

Guide “When can you submit the

1st draft of the paper”

Scholar“When do you want it Sir?” (and you give an unrealistic estimate)

Father/Mother “When will you complete

your research?”

Son/Daughter“What is your problem? I just come home for a few

days and you start off!!!!!!”

Boss “Can you just do this work for me? I have

loads of other things to do”

Sub-ordinate“Fine. When do you

want it?” (Yes Boss!)

Spouse“What do you think of

this?”

Spouse“Yes…OK” (watching

TV)

Unhealthy IPR Scholar’s Video

A Myriad of Tools

Johari Window

Neuro-Linguistic Programming

Transactional Analysis

OtherSelf-Assessment tools

Transactional Analysis

The unit of social communication is a transaction Stimulus -> Response

“I do something to you, you do

something back” Dr. Eric Berne

I am OK-You are OkTransactional

Analysis

TA for Empowerment

T A forEffective

Communication

TA for Interpersonal Effectiveness

TA and Life Skills

Ego State: “a consistent pattern of feelings, experiences and behavior.”

P - Parent Ego StateJudgmental, critical, paternal/maternal,guiding, bossy, dictatorial, nurturing

A – Adult ego StateNon-emotional, factual, information gathering of information giving

C – Child Ego StateCreative, curious, inventive, playful, childlike, joking, emotional

‘Taught’ Concept

‘Thought’ Concept

‘Felt’ Concept

NURTURING PARENT

c Encouragec Supportc Love c Carec Helpc Provide

CONTROL / CRITICAL PARENT

D CriticizeD PunishD Control

D Give valuesD JudgmentalD Do’s & Don’ts

An Example of CP

FREE/NATURAL CHILD• Loves• Curious• Fun loving• Playful• Alive• Afraid• Sad

Little professor• Spontaneous• Imaginative• Creative

Rebellious, argues,Tantrums

ADAPTED CHILDGObeysGCompliesGComplainsGServileGAdaptsGAdjustsGCourteous

Dear Prof. Morris

How are you? I am so sorry for delaying the journal review. I wanted to submit this on time, but feel really bad that yet again I could not commit to the time given. Please accept my apologies. I will submit it by end of tomorrow.

Hope this will not deter you from giving me reviews in the future. Your journal is of very high order and I will not forgive myself if I do not get to do the reviews of your esteemed journal.

Hope this hasn’t changed anything. Please do send across any reviews and I promise I will submit them on time, unlike the last two times.

Thank you so much for your patience. Regards

ADULT

• Mature• Rational• Practical• Decide

• Analyze• Weigh pros & cons• Decide probabilities• Seek & give • information

IDEAL EGOGRAM

10

14

19

16

1210

02468

101214161820

CP NP A NC LP AC

Ego States

Scor

e

Constant ParentSome individuals may constantly advise and criticize others

Constant AdultSome may analyze, live only with facts, and distrust feelings

Constant ChildSome operate with strong feelings, all the time, consumed with anger, or constantly clowning

Knowing Thyself - Preferred Ego State

Beyond Sophisticated ‘Labeling’Identifying Ego States from movies

Transactions – The Variety

Want the draft EOD Sure.

Oh God! How is it possible!

COMMUNICATING EXPECTATIONS , ISSUES CLEARLY AND HONESTLY

Transactions – The Variety

Formulate a LP problem and

come tomorrow with the results

Hmmm…Ok Sir.

Works hard,

cannot crack it,

Ctrl C & V

CONSIDERATE AND UNDERSTAND DEEPER NEEDS, INTENTIONS

Transactions – The VarietyOh Oh,

there she goes..crying once more...

BEING SENSITIVE OF DEEPER MOTIVES, FEARS

EMPATHY

What will help?

King Lear: “Gloucester, you have no eyes in your head, yet you see

how this world goes.”

Gloucester replies, “I see it feelingly.”

LISTENING...PROPERLY!

What will help?Publication – low quality

journal/Single author

paper

My name in a low quality

journal!!???/Where is my

name?!!!

TRANSPARENCY IN RELATIONSHIP

TRUST

What will help?

A HEALTHY DOSE OF HUMOR!

What will help?

Faculty’s Video

Strokes

The Inner You

What personal qualities will enhance IPR? Respect & trust

Warmth and sensitivity

Positive unconditional regard

Expansiveness

Empathy

Faculty

Free will to Change!!!Think of 2 situations of importance

to you.Two responses (behaviors) you

would want to do differentlyWhat When How WhereWith whom

Identify your blocks that does not allow you to do what you want?

• ______________

• ______________

How will you overcome these to achieve your goal?

• ______________

• ______________

Hope this doesn’t happen!

Hope this happens!

Signing Off…

Life is not a competition, it's a game. It's not

about winning or losing, it's about all the

fun you can have before it ends.

Simon Sinek