Interpersonal Communication 316 165[1]

8/3/2019 Interpersonal Communication 316 165[1]

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Improving InterpersonalImproving InterpersonalCommunication SkillsCommunication Skills


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The concept of communication hasThe concept of communication hasevolved throughout the yearsevolved throughout the years..

Approaches to interpersonalApproaches to interpersonal

communication: brief backgroundcommunication: brief background


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SENDER RECEIVER

NOISE

MESSAGE

CODE

SPEAKERSPEAKER

PARTICIPANT PARTICIPANT

TEXT GENRE

FEEDBACK

PERSONALITY

CONSCIOUS/UNCON.

SETTINGORCONTEXT

SIGNS

INTERPRETERINTERPERTER

PERSONALITY

CONSCIOUS/UNCON.

Transmission

Models

Linguistic Models Psycho-social Models Interlocutive

Models

1949 1962 1971 1986


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reception productio

n

interpretation of a message

elaboration of a message

context of reception

A DISCOURSE APPROACH TO LANGUAGE

context of production

Speaking

and writing

Listening and

reading


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Task:Task:

Think of someone you would like to improve interpersonalThink of someone you would like to improve interpersonalcommunication with in your work environment. It should becommunication with in your work environment. It should besomeone you interact with on a regular basis.someone you interact with on a regular basis.

1. What kind of work relationship do you have with this1. What kind of work relationship do you have with thisperson: cooperation, interdependence, independence?person: cooperation, interdependence, independence?

2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?

3. Has there been any conflict with this person?3. Has there been any conflict with this person? 4. Whats the history behind this relationship?4. Whats the history behind this relationship?

5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?

6. Who has the power in this relationship?6. Who has the power in this relationship?

7. What are the positive traits you see in this person?7. What are the positive traits you see in this person?

8. What are the negative traits you see in this person?8. What are the negative traits you see in this person? 9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?

10. How much impact could he/she have in your present or10. How much impact could he/she have in your present orfuture career?future career?


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Consider each communication

event as a pearl in a necklace.

emailemail

phone callphone call

one on one meetingone on one meeting

teamworkteamwork

notenote

faxfax

talk at lunch breaktalk at lunch break

online chatonline chat group meetinggroup meeting

synchronous and asynchronous


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Align the horizon

Participate in

the interaction

Learn from the

experience

A model for interpersonal communication


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Pre Some historyPre Some history

33. Has there been any conflict with this. Has there been any conflict with this

person?person?

44. Whats the history behind this. Whats the history behind thisrelationship?relationship?


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Pre What do we have inPre What do we have in

common?common? 55. Do you feel any form of affection for. Do you feel any form of affection for

him/her?him/her?

77. What are the positive traits you see in. What are the positive traits you see inthis person?this person?

88. What are the negative traits you see in. What are the negative traits you see in

this person?this person?


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AttitudeAttitude

Airplane pilots often use

"attitude" to describe their

horizontal relationship with the

runway when they land. If their

attitude isnt aligned properly,the plane will make contact

with the ground at the wrong

angle and it will cause them to

crash.


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STAGE FOCUS STRATEGY

Pre ALIGN THE

HORIZON

Reflect upon the

situation.Set reasonable

expectations.

Make the right

choices of timing

and channel.

Attitude Memory: Associate, elaborate, use

imagery.

Cognitive: Analyze and reason.

Compensation: Guess intelligently.

Metacognitive:Arrange and plan. Set

goals and objectives.

Affective: Lower anxiety. Encourage

yourself

Social: Develop understanding of the

situation.


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TaskTask

You are in a queue at the movie theater. SomebodyYou are in a queue at the movie theater. Somebodycomes in and jumps the queue right in front of you.comes in and jumps the queue right in front of you.What do you choose to do?What do you choose to do?

1.1. Nothing. You just bear it.Nothing. You just bear it.

2.2. Vent comments out loud such as some people are such/soVent comments out loud such as some people are such/so. but you dont face the person.. but you dont face the person.

3.3. Face the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he thinkFace the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he thinkhe is?!he is?!

4.4. Approach the man and politely but firmly tell him that heApproach the man and politely but firmly tell him that heshould take his turn at the end of the line.should take his turn at the end of the line.

5.5. Other Other


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ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESSDEFINITIONDEFINITION

Assertiveness is defined asAssertiveness is defined as

behavior which enables peoplebehavior which enables people

toto actact in their own bestin their own bestinterestinterest by expressing theirby expressing their

thoughts, feelings, desires andthoughts, feelings, desires and

opinionsopinions directly, honestlydirectly, honestlyand appropriatelyand appropriately..


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BIDIRECTIONAL MODELBIDIRECTIONAL MODEL

ASSERTIVEASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE

PASSIVEPASSIVE PASSIVEPASSIVE

AGGRESSIVEAGGRESSIVE

OVERT EXPRESSION

COVERT EXPRESSION

NO COERCIONCOERCION

-

+

+


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WhileWhile

Recognize patters of behavior.

BEHAVIOR PARAMETERS RIGHTS

RESPECTED

PASSIVE Expression --Coercion -- Other peoples rights.

AGGRESSIVE Expression ++

Coercion ++

Your rights

PASSIVE- AGGRESSIVE Expression --Coercion ++

None

ASSERTIVE Expression ++

Coercion --

Your rights and other

peoples rights


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Task:Task:

This chart (see your handbook) showsThis chart (see your handbook) shows

assertive behavior and alternative forms ofassertive behavior and alternative forms of

behavior based on the four quadrantbehavior based on the four quadrant

model. Classify the following examples ofmodel. Classify the following examples of

behavior in the right category:behavior in the right category:

manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.

Page in your handbookPage in your handbook


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Task: Identify three very distinct parts inTask: Identify three very distinct parts in

this fragment.this fragment.

"I've"I've noticednoticed thatthat wheneverwhenever we'rewe're preparingpreparing toto gogo somewhere,somewhere,

youyou startstart rushingrushing meme toto finishfinish dressingdressing asas soonsoon asas you'reyou're readyready

eveneven ifif it'sit's notnot yetyet thethe timetime wewe hadhad plannedplanned toto leaveleave.. II knowknow youyou

getget anxiousanxious whenwhen you'reyou're allall readyready toto gogo andand I'mI'm not,not, butbut whenwhen

youyou dodo that,that,IIgetget allall flusteredflustered andand taketake eveneven moremore timetime..

By

By thethe timetime wewegetget inin thethe car,car, we'rewe're madmad atat eacheach otherother andand notnot muchmuch inin thethe moodmood toto

havehave aa goodgood timetime.. FromFrom nownow on,on, let'slet's bebe suresure wewe knowknow whatwhat timetime wewe

wantwant toto leave,leave, andand ifif you'reyou're readyready beforebefore II am,am, willwill youyou pleaseplease justjust gogo toto

anotheranother roomroom andand readread thethe paperpaper oror watchwatch TV?TV? FromFrom nownow on,on, ifif youyou

comecome intointo thethe bedroombedroom oror bathroombathroom beforebefore it'sit's timetime toto leaveleave andand startstart

askingasking meme toto hurryhurry up,up, I'mI'm justjust goinggoing toto remindremind youyou ofof thethe time,time, askask youyoutoto gogo toto anotheranother room,room, andand closeclose thethe doordoor untiluntil I'mI'm readyready.. II knowknow thisthis isis

goinggoing toto seemseem weirdweird atat first,first, butbut II betbet we'llwe'll enjoyenjoy ourour outingsoutings aa lotlot moremore

overover thethe longlong runrun..""

http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.htmlhttp://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html


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"I've noticed that"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to gowhenever we're preparing to gosomewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing assomewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing assoon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we hadsoon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we hadplanned to leave.planned to leave. I know you get anxious when you're allI know you get anxious when you're allready to go and I'm not,ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get allbut when you do that, I get allflustered and take even more time. By the time we get influstered and take even more time. By the time we get inthe car, we're mad at each other and not much in thethe car, we're mad at each other and not much in themood to have a good time.mood to have a good time. From now onFrom now on, let's be sure, let's be sure

we know what time we want to leave, and if you're readywe know what time we want to leave, and if you

're readybefore I am, will you please just go to another room andbefore I am, will you please just go to another room and

read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you comeread the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you comeinto the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leaveinto the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leaveand start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remindand start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remindyou of the time, ask you to go to another room, and closeyou of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close

the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seemthe door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seemweird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot moreweird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot moreover the long run."over the long run."

http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.htmlhttp://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html


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WhileWhile Apply a variety of techniques to

communicate1. the art of listening1. the art of listening

Act like a good listener. Adopt the physical bodyAct like a good listener. Adopt the physical bodylanguage of a receiver.language of a receiver.

Look at the other person.Look at the other person.

React to the speaker by sending out nonReact to the speaker by sending out non--verbal signals.verbal signals.

Stop talking and use receptive language instead. UseStop talking and use receptive language instead. Usethe I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really!the I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really!

Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip overConcentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip overdelivery errors and fight distractions.delivery errors and fight distractions.

Listen between the lines to tones of voice.Listen between the lines to tones of voice.

Observe.Observe.


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Message pacingMessage pacing

and chunkingand chunking ExpressingExpressing

conversationalconversational

intent:intent:

Uh...Maria, do youUh...Maria, do youhave a minute?have a minute?

Right now Id like toRight now Id like to

talk to you about... Istalk to you about... Is

thatOK

?thatOK

?

WhileWhile

Apply a variety of techniques to communicate

2. the art of speaking and more 2. the art of speaking and more

Non verbalNon verbal

components:components:VocalicsVocalics

KinesicsKinesics

ProxemicsProxemics

ArtifactsArtifactsTouchTouch

SmellSmell


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WhileWhile 3. the art of conflict prevention:3. the art of conflict prevention:What are fire starters?What are fire starters?

Person centered comments and past centeredPerson centered comments and past centered

commentscomments

Inappropriate reassurance and inappropriateInappropriate reassurance and inappropriatepositive thinkingpositive thinking

Histrionic behavior (overdramatization)Histrionic behavior (overdramatization)

Guilt induction and blaming commentsGuilt induction and blaming comments

Kitchen sinkingKitchen sinking

Infallibility commentsInfallibility comments

OverapologizingOverapologizing


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While PARTICIPATE IN

THE

INTERACTION

Use your

resources: apply avariety of

techniques to

communicate.

Make choices.

Stay focused.

Monitor

Perf. Cognitive: Practice techniques. Recognize

patters of behavior. Create structure for your

input and output.

Compensation: Overcome limitations in

communication skills.G

uess intelligently.

Metacognitive: Self monitor. Delay speech

production to focus on listening.

Affective: Take risks wisely. Take your

emotional temperature.

Social: Ask questions. Cooperate.

Empathize.



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To rememberTo remember

Hostile communication causes inaccuracies.Hostile communication causes inaccuracies.

Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms.Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms.

An important sending skill is knowing how to favorAn important sending skill is knowing how to favordisarming language over arming language.disarming language over arming language.

The latter selects more forceful over more moderateThe latter selects more forceful over more moderatewords, uses statements rather than questions and whenwords, uses statements rather than questions and when

spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations,spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations,pauses and other nonverbal messages that conveypauses and other nonverbal messages that conveyhostile feeling.hostile feeling.


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PostPost

Reflect upon the interaction

Empathy requires that you suspend judgment ofEmpathy requires that you suspend judgment of

another's actions or reactions, while you try toanother's actions or reactions, while you try tounderstand them. Sometimes, this will mean readingunderstand them. Sometimes, this will mean readingbetween the lines of statements made, and almostbetween the lines of statements made, and almostalways it will involve gentle questioning and probing, toalways it will involve gentle questioning and probing, to

clarify what is going on. The goal here, again is toclarify what is going on. The goal here, again is toUNDERSTAND, and not judge.UNDERSTAND, and not judge.Robert BacalRobert Bacal

.


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PostPost

CycleCycle

analyze evaluate

Revise modelChange and adjustexpectations


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Post LEARN FROM IT

Reflect upon the

interaction.

Follow

up

Cognitive: Analyze, summarize, and

take mental notes.

Memory: Review well.

Cognitive:Analyze and reason.

Metacognitive: Evaluate your learning.

Link with already known material.

Affective: Reward yourself. Discuss

your feelings with someone else.

Social: Empathize. Become aware of

the others thoughts and feelings.



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TEN TIPSTEN TIPS1.1. Set the ground for communication and align your horizon. WorkSet the ground for communication and align your horizon. Work

on your attitude.on your attitude.2.2. Have reasonable expectations.Have reasonable expectations.

3.3. Make the right choices of timing and channel.Make the right choices of timing and channel.

4.4. While interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety ofWhile interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety oftechniques to communication: message pacing and chunking,techniques to communication: message pacing and chunking,expressing conversational intent.expressing conversational intent.

5.5. Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics,Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics,proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts.proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts.

6.6. Be the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsiveBe the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsivelistener.listener.

7.7. Avoid fire starters such as hot words, overdramatization, guiltAvoid fire starters such as hot words, overdramatization, guiltinduction, blaming, person and past centered comments.induction, blaming, person and past centered comments.

8.8. Choose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passiveChoose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passive--aggressive behavior.aggressive behavior.

9.9. Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature.Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature.

10.10. Reflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing theReflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing therealtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.realtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.


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THANK YOU!THANK YOU!

Interpersonal Communication 316 165[1]

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