In Search of a Song Volume 323

8/6/2019 In Search of a Song Volume 323

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Celeste

Ramos



~~~~~~~~ AWaterways Project

Publication

Richard Spiegel

Barbara Fisher

codirectors

Thomas Perry

administrative assistant

Mr. Zacaries RiversTeacher

Bushwick HS

Stephen E. Phillips

Superintendent

Alternative High Schools &Programs

©I997 Ten Penny Players

with funding support from

the NY State Council on the Arts



In Strange Flesh

I lie here

And Iwatch you breathe.

Icatch your blood

on my tongue

Final drops of life.

Iam exclusively odd.

There's something beautifully

strange

within my voice and my mind.

Ifrighten myself - and Iove it.

Istare at you

in strange flesh.

For these eyes are not mine

nor are the bones

that move me to you.

Isuffer for the time being

in strange flesh.

And as much as Ihate to decline

from your experience ...

I've got to go

Let me goThey need me.

2



An Autograph fot;a Friend

In words to my friend

I wish you luck,

Anywhere near me

May you never end up.

"Why Go?" said Eddie --

Because we need to,

We have to move on

Out of frame, out of view.

So I guess here we depart

Homeless but still alive,

We'll all find a place

Where we'll eventually survive.

And though we all wish

To be left alone,

3



Sometimes you have to be two

For one is a chilled bone.

And though I hate to admit it

I think I'll miss you,

Despite the number of times

I wanted to kill you.

May everything you wantCome out in the end,

I'll miss you, I love you:

Your most interesting friend.

4



Fear &Adrenatfne

A favorite movie played

on a least favorite channel.The soul turned off

the bathtub water.

/

Another tragic love story -

Eased in, clothes drowned

by the water. The soul thought.

the movie would be over

in 20 minutes.

The soul looked up

and smiled at the light

and the razor forced the hand

and raised the blade.

In stare with the wrist

the razor went straight

straight. Deep.

the left skin

began to cry.

5



In stare with the wrist

the razor went straight

straight. Deep.the right skin

began to cry.

I t fell. The small-tiled floor

dotted with red.

Skin met with waterAnd said their final goodbyes.

Then the soul let it go.

The movie was fmally over.

6



IO:OO

two people meant for one another

may be meeting now.

a faithful man to family and job

may be cheating.

someone desperate in society

is committing their first crime.

someone who never thought of it

is dying somewhere.

people are enjoying the raptures of youth

in a nightclub.

someone is having sex for the first timewillfully and vice-versa.

someone is crossing the street

taking that slight chance.

someone is committing murder

and can't decide the fate of the body.

7



someone is just being born

already missing their mother.

someone is in pain.

and has no damn aspirin.

someone is sick

while their sibling's just fine.

someone is doing

terrible things for money.

someone is being arrested

for a crime the officer committed.

someone is hungry

with money in their pockets.

someone is watching over

and we can't see who we worship.

someone is swearing

that this would be the last time.

someone is missing youand you don't know who it could be.

8



Lost in Black Threading

I t's like being lost in black threading:

being so en tangledin you.

- Being so in love with you.

N ever would I say

That I'd kill myself out oflove.

Because you're just like a dream,Like one of the blackest forms of Heaven

God has ever allowed.

But if it comes to that: my death,

Then I'll finally know

That when I look at you

I'll see the clearest picture of Hell

through my Black Heaven,

And for the first time

Hell would be beautiful.

9



, Capital of the World

Fifth Avenue:

Pauper's town.The rich's fame

Are hell's hounds.

The city, the ughts:

And no good show.

No love, no life

And no where to go.

Pity, Respect,

And all the Humanity:

All people can say

is "get away from me!"

A big green park

A wonderful place:

And no one observesDiscolored fabric below the lace.

10



At the best restaurants:

The food sickens you

And the revolving eateries

Have lost their view.

The wonderful people:

Tired as time

There are so many laddersAnd floors to climb.

Large bank accounts:

All with broken Bills

The streets have gotten narrower

There's less space to fill.

That political Big Apple

Thank God it was Clinton, not Dole

That poor little Big Apple

Soon to be swallowed whole,

II



Throughout

Evil

Spreading down the hall of Timeechoing madly throughout

turning all those who hear it

just as insane

as the rest.

I am an outcastYes, I know.

The more you talk the more this is repeated:

Yes, yes, yes! -

I know.

A pain grows and writhes within me

A savage weed

Entwined around this soul

that is new and borrowed

old and stolen.

But anyway, there's something VlTongwith me:

I look in the mirror

12



And it's the face I don't expect.

I forget the way I look sometimes.

And this is a sin, no?If this is a sin,

Then therefore I am evil again,

Evil

rampant throughout.

13



Four

It's all the same cycle.

Over once, then repeated again.

Four more left to go.Four more.

I can't do this four more times.

I can't fight her anymore.

The loudest voice in my head

Is subsiding.

I'm scared now for sure.

Am I strong enough?

What do I think I am?

I open my mouth to let the old one pour out

And leave air for the new one

But no one ever hears me scream!

This has gone beyond desperation

As I now calm a little

Then get a little worse

I can't do this another four times

\Vithout getting a little worse.

I need someone

Something

Anybody, please!



I don't know who I talk to in the mirror

anymore.

Iam loved

And at the same time Ifeel soalone

that my nerves begin to twitch

and program her to keep me company

in her own, vicious way.

And though some may see keeping yourself

company as rather psychoticIdon't care.

Each day, Ibreathe easier with a tighter chest,

Ibreathe deeper

without the muscle for this heavier load.

Ican't keep pulling this off for much longer,

This actress is beginning to forger her linesIcan't keep pulling this off for much longer,

Soon I'll lose my masks and have bones to wear.

Ican't-

Not four more ...

It's just too much for two people in one

to bear.

1 5



Aquarianx

the others laugh.

they have something to laugh at.they think they do.

they really don't.

they're just laughing

to relieve themselves.

they're just laughingto ease themselves.

they know what they are

and can't bear to think about it.

so they laugh.

i've never understood why

iwas born alone.

is my purpose so great

ican't have company?

(they're still laughing.)

16



a cold breeze is always inmy hair.

and ihave guitars strings sewn into my sides.

they were a gift.

from someone that got lost in a stormand never came back.

the strings were sewn in tight.

that way, a melody would always be by my side.

do they find that funny?

itry to get rid of myself sometimes.

but they don't make blades like they used to.

you don't know what i'm talking about ...

i'm sorry, let me explain.

(they still laugh.)

you see, Ihave this twin.

and she's out creating future trouble for me.

and i think that that's the joke.

they think that this only happens to the

weird

people.

I7



they think that i'm an alien, and don't talk to me.

and iknow that if the person who gave me

the gift was here

he'd never allow this. imiss him.

there's something so wrong with me ...the strings

are rusting with blood. no one will help me heal.

and ithink, if you've been paying strict attention,

you know,

the reason why.



Scent

Gasoline.

Your carpets drink it.The clothes

get a taste of it

as do the stairs

the kitchen the stove

and everything else in

your lovely home.

And ah, the bed

it cursed us both-

gets an ever heavy

sample.The gasoline follows me

out onto the empty blackness

of an early morning hour.

My match finishes it off

formeas a blue and yellow trail

I9



mindless with a mind of its

own

runs into the house

and your house

is aflame.

Fire.

It looks like

the First House in Hell.

Glorious, Vengeful.

From my car I laugh.

I am rid of your scent

Forever.

20 .



In Search of a SongVolume 323

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i-::::>~ .:: ..-..c ' • • • , - - ._ .

. " . . ,..~ , , .~~~~~~~~~~~~

a waterways project publication

In Search of a Song Volume 323

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