"I'm not a boy, I'm a Princess!“Working with Gender Variant Children

Morganne Ray Crouser, LICSWTranslating Identities Conference

October 10, 2015

Gender Identity

Sex

Gender Expression

The Basics

LanguageTransgender

Gender ExpansiveGender Nonconforming

Gender VariantGender Liberated

Genderqueerand…

Gender Dysphoria

Put on Your Own Oxygen MaskNo matter how experienced and/or enlightened we are,

cultural norms and systems of oppression still have ways of sneaking into our perceptions and reactions.

Checking and challenging internalized cis-sexism is a constant battle that requires frequent attention.

Safety First- Be aware of federal, state and local laws and policies that

protect transgender children (GLAD and Lamda Legal are good resources for this)

- Respond immediately to reports of harassment/violence of any kind to ensure the child’s safety

- Support the child in making informed decisions about when and where to express aspects of their gender, in order to strike a balance between authenticity and safety

Who did you confide in as a child?

Why did it feel safeto do so?

Create a Supportive Environment- Keep conversations confidential

(and disclose early if you are a mandated reporter)- Avoid making assumptions- Use inclusive, affirming, nonjudgmental, and gender-neutral

language- Don’t ask questions just to quell your curiosity- Trust that the child knows themself

Supporting the families

Initial Family ReactionsFear – “Is my child safe? Will people hurt them?”

Guilt – “What did I do wrong?”

Uncertainty – “Is my child actually a boy or a girl?”

Loss – “My boy/girl is gone forever.”

Worry – “Will my child be able to get a job?”

Anger – “I didn’t choose this!”

Hurt - “Why does this have to happen to me?”

Yes, Talk to these Folks- co-parent- therapist- adult friends- support groups- service providers- other helpful adults

No Thank You- the Child- the Child’s siblings- any other children

Process those Tough Feelings with:

Siblings can talk to parents, therapists, and other supportive adults to process their feelings. There are even sibling support

groups!

Supporting Families- Provide resources for families to learn more and connect

with other families of gender variant children.- Validate the parents’ fears and concerns for their child’s

health and safety, while correcting misinformation.- Support families in requiring respect from extended

family, schools,. service providers, etc. - Encourage families to keep documentation illustrating the

child’s “gender journey” in order to educate others when necessary

Working with little kids

Child Development

Age 4 – understand gender and can define “boy” and “girl”

Age 5 - understand that biological sex does not change

Age 6 - reinforce gender normative behavior among peers

What is Actually Distressing?Academic Struggles, Poor Hygiene, Social Problems, Angry Outbursts, Anxiety, Oppositional Behaviors, Withdrawal, Hyperactivity, Disassociation, Sibling Rivalry, Psychosis, Impulsivity, Depression, Attention Difficulties, Mood

Disturbances, Overactive Imagination, Communication Issues

-or-

Feeling constantly invalidated and/or invisible?

Be an Advocate- Stay cool, calm and collected- Assume competence and best intentions- Know the rights and protections afforded the child- Provide specific, relevant resources

Schools – “Schools In Transition” by the ACLU, Gender Spectrum, HRC, NCLR & NEA

Sports Teams – “On the Team” by Pat GriffinDoctors – “Affirmative Care for Transgender & Gender Non-Conforming

People” by the Fenway InstituteFaith Communities – “Transitioning to Inclusion” by the CLGS

- Follow up and offer support- Bring back up when necessary

Working with big kids

Fitting in with Peers Find one’s Authentic Self

Adolescent DevelopmentCompeting Developmental Tasks

- versus -

pressure to “decide”concerted effort given to passing within the binary

increased urgency regarding transition

Good ChoicesTrans youth need to know how to keep themselves safe and healthy. They may need support in choosing how to navigate situations like:

- Coming out- Dating- Sex- Finding/making community- Using gendered public spaces

(bathrooms, locker rooms, etc)- Transition options

20 Questions!

Know Your Stuff- Educate yourself on transition options available to

transgender youth- Be aware of health care protocols like the

Primary Care Protocol for Transgender Patient Care and the WPATH Standards of Care

- Become familiar with financial resources such as grants from Jim Collins Foundation, Point 5cc and TUFF

Know When You Don’t KnowIt’s okay not to have all the answers to every question. It’s even okay not to have answers to most of the questions.

-but-It is also important to connect the child with someone who does have the answers, or can help them find the answers.For specialists in your area, check with your local LGBTQ Center or look online for resources including:- World Professional Association for Transgender Health

(Find a Provider)- Gay and Lesbian Medical Association

(Resources: For Patients: Find a Provider)

Take Home Points- Let the child lead- Adults should get support from other adults- Do your research- Support informed decision making- Refer out when necessary

Want to Get In Touch?

mcrouser@jri.org