RAVINDERSINGHITooHadaLoveStory

Contents

AbouttheAuthorDedication

ReunionKhushi

AnotherStepCloserFace-to-Face

AwayfromHerReturn

TheUnexpectedWithoutHer

ThePresent

AcknowledgementsCopyrightPage

PENGUINBOOKS

ITOOHADALOVESTORY

RavinderSinghisabestsellingauthor.ITooHadaLoveStory,hisdebutnovel,ishisownstorythathastouchedmillionsofhearts.CanLoveHappenTwice?isRavinder ’ssecondnovel.AfterspendingmostofhislifeinBurla,averysmalltowninwesternOrissa,RavinderhasfinallysettleddowninChandigarh.HeisanMBAfromtherenownedIndiaSchoolofBusinessandispresentlyworkingwithaprominentmultinationalcompany.Ravinderlovesplayingsnookerinhisfreetime.HeiscrazyaboutPunjabimusicandlovesdancingtoitsbeat.ThebestwaytocontactRavinderisthroughhisofficialfanpageonFacebook.Youcanalsowritetohimatitoohadalovestory@gmail.com

orvisithiswebsitewww.RavinderSinghOnline.com

.

Dedicatedto

ThelovingmemoryofthegirlwhomIloved,yetcouldnotmarry.Terejaanekaasarkuchaisahuamujhpar,

tujhedhoondatedhoondate,mainekhudkopaaliya…

-Anonymous

…Otherwise,Iwouldn’thavecomeacrossanauthorinme.

PRAISEFORITOOHADALOVESTORY

‘Inhisbook,Singhhasbeautifullyportrayedvariousemotionsoflifeandlove,itstrialsandtribulations,victoryanddefeat’

—TheIndianExpress

Thepasttenseinthetitleisintriguing,asisthededication:“TothelovingmemoryofthegirlwhomIloved,yetcouldnotmarry.”Ravinder ’snarrativeiscompelling,hisemotionsreflectafeltexperience,andthedenouementistouching.Histributetothegirlhelovedwilltouchmanyaheart’

—TheTribune

‘Ravinder ’sdebutnovelpromisestostrikeachordwiththereaders.Whilethispoignanttalemightnotmakeyousmileattheend,itwillstrengthenyourbeliefinthefactthatlovestoriesareeternal’—TheTimesofIndia

‘Thestoryispoignantandalsoreal.Fullcreditgoestothewriter,RavinderSingh,whokeepsthestoryfocused.Everythingisrealinthebook.Thepeople,placesandespeciallyhowtheyinteractwithoneanother.ThebooknarratesaveryimportantchapterinRavin’slife,butnotwithoutthe

messagethattheshowmustgoon’

—MetroNews

‘Theysay,don’tcrybecauseit’soverbutinsteadsmilebecauseithappened.Thisinherenthopeandoptimismiswhatthisbookembodies.AsweaccompanyRavinonhisjourneytofindhappiness,wego through a range of emotions. From initial excitement to elation, from contentment toanticipation,

despairtodevastationandfinallyasenseofresurrection,weseeitallthroughRavin’seyes.ITooHadaLoveStoryisasimplestoryoflove,abouttrystsofdestinythatmakeuplifeasweknowit.IcommendRavinonhavingthecouragetosharesomethingsopersonalwiththeworld.’

—AnupamMittal,CMDandfounder,Shaadi.com

‘Simple,honestandtouching’

—N.R.NarayanaMurthy

Noteveryoneinthisworldhasthefatetocherishthefullestformoflove.Someareborn,justtoexperiencetheabbreviationofit.

Dayspassbysomehow

ButnightsnowareawagonofpainInjuriesmayhealwithtime

ButmarkswillalwaysremainRestlessonmycomfortablebedItossandturnandtrytosleepButthoughtsarebulkingmyhead

Andhaveformedahugeheap

Thepastisflashingitsscorchinglightbeams

Tearingmeapart,breakingmeattheseams

Thedarknessofmylifeismorevisibleinthedark

AndnowIamtryingtogiveitavoice,tryingtospeakmyheart

Reunion

Irememberthedatewell:4March2006.IwasinKolkataandabouttoreachHappy’shome.IhadbeenveryexcitedallmorningasIwasgoingtoseeourgangoffourafterthreeyears.Afterourengineering,thiswasthefirsttimewhenallofus—Manpreet,Amardeep,HappyandI—weregoingtobetogether.Duringourfirstyearinthehostel,HappyandIwereindifferentroomsonthefourthflooroftheBlock-Abuilding.Beingonthesamefloor,wewereacquaintancesbutIneverwantedtointeractwithhim.Ididn’tthinkhimtobe‘agoodguy’becauseofhisfondnessforfightsandtheredonhismarksheet.But,unfortunately,Iwaslateingettingbacktothehostelatthebeginningofthesecondyearandalmostalltheroomswerealreadyallottedbythen.IwasnotleftwithanychoiceotherthanbecomingHappy’sroommate.Andbecauselifeisweird,thingschangeddramaticallyand,soon,webecamethebestofbuddies.Thedayourreunionwasscheduled,hehadbeenworkingwithTCSfortwoyearsandwasenjoyinghisonsiteprojectinLondon.Happywasblessedwithaheightof6’1”,agoodphysiqueandstunninglooks.

AndHappywasalwayshappy.Manpreet,orMPaswecalledhim,isshort-statured,fairandhealthy.

ThereasonIusetheword‘healthy’isbecausehewillkillmeifIusetheproperword—‘fat’—forhim. He was the first among us to get a computer in the hostel and his machine was home tocountlesscomputergames.Infact,thiswastheveryreasonHappyandIwantedtobefriendswithhim.MPwasquitestudious.HehadevencrackedtheMathsOlympiadinhisschooldays,andwasalwaysboastingaboutit.HisnativeplacewasModinagarbut,atthetimeofthisreunion,hewasworkingwithOcweninBangalore.

Amardeephasbeenbaptized‘Raamji’byMP.Idon’tknowwhenhegotthisweirdnicknameorwhy,butitwasprobablybecauseofhissimple,sobernature.Unliketherestofusatthehostel,hewasnotatallanightpersonandhisroom’slightwouldgooffpreciselyat11p.m.Attimes,MP,HappyandIusedtostandoutsidehisroomafewsecondsbefore11andbegintocountdown,‘10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1…andRaamjihasgonedown.’TheonlymysteriousthingaboutAmardeepwasthatheusedtogosomewhereonhisbicycle,everySunday.Henevertolduswherehewent.Wheneverwetriedtofollowhim,somehowhewouldknowandwoulddigressfromhispathtoshakeusoff.Eventoday,noneofusknowsanythingaboutit.Thebestthingabouttheguy,though,ishissimplicity.And,veryimportantly,hewasthetopperinthefinalsemesterofourEngineeringbatch.Hemadeourgroupshine.HebelongedtoBareillyandwasworkingwithEvalueservewhenhe,along

withMP,flewtoKolkataforthereunion.

Aftercollege,allofuswereprettymuchinvolvedinourstereotypicallives.Oneday,wefoundoutthatHappywascomingbackfromLondonfortwoweeks.Everybodywasgameforareunion.‘Happy’splaceinKolkata,4March2006,’wedecided.

Finally,onthescheduleddate,IwasclimbingthestairstoHappy’sapartmenttwostepsatatime.Itwasabout12.30intheafternoonwhenIknockedonhisdoor.Hismomopeneditandwelcomedmein.

AsIhadoftenbeenthere,sheknewmewell.Forme,Happy’shousenevermeanttoomany

formalities.IwashavingsomewaterwhenshetoldmethatHappywasnotathomeandhiscellwasswitchedoff.

‘Wow!Andheaskedmenottobelate,’Imurmuredtomyself.

Alittlelater,therewasanotherknockonthedoor.Igotupfrommychairtoopenit,asHappy’smomwasinthekitchen.Ipulleditopentoshoutsof,‘Oh…Burrraaaaahhhh…Dude…Yeah…Huhaaaaaaaaa…Ohaaaaaaaaaa!’

No,itwasn’tHappy.MPandAmardeephadarrived.

Seeingyourcollegefriendsafterthreeyearsissocrazyandexcitingthatyoudon’tevenrealizeyouareatsomeoneelse’splacewhereyoushouldshowsomemannersandbepolite.Thenagain,theverypurposeofthisreunionwastorecallourcollegedaysandthiswastheperfectstart.Whilewemadeourselvescomfortableonthesofasinthedrawing-room,MPaskedaboutHappy’swhereabouts.

‘He’snotontimeinhisownhome,’IsaidlookingatMPandwelaughedagain.

For thenexthalf houror so, the threeofus talked, laughedandmade funof eachotherwhileeatinglunchmadebyHappy’smother.Yes,westartedourmealwithoutHappy.Thismightnotsounddecent, but we had genuine reason—nobody could predict his arrival, so there was no point inwaiting.

Alittlelater,therewasanotherknock.Happy’smomopenedthedoor.

‘Happyveeeeeeeer!’MPshouted,gettingupfromthediningchair.

AmardeepandIstaredateachother.ItseemedasifMPwasgoingtoshedtearsashehuggedHappy.Werememberedhowtheseguysusedtocryduringtheirlongboozingsessions,whentheirbrainsswitchedoffandtheirheartsstartedspeaking.AmardeepandIusedtoenjoyourCoke,whileseeingthemgettingsenti.

Weallstooduptohughimandassoonasthatwasdone,wecontinuedourlunch.Happyalsojoinedus.Thefoodthatdaywasverytasty.Ormaybeitwasjustbecausewewerehavinglunchtogetheraftersolongandthatmadeitspecial.

Afterlunch,wemovedtoanotherflat,afewfloorsabove,inthesamebuilding.Thiswasthe

secondflatwhichHappy’sfamilyowned,andwasmeantforrelativesandfriendslikeus.WewerelaughingatoneofMP’sjokeswhilemovingin,andwereprobablystilllaughingaswefellonthegiantcouchinthedrawingroom—upsidedown—legsonthecouchandourtorsosonthefloor,armsspreadacrossandfacingtheceiling;wemadeourselvescomfortable.

Nobody said anything for a fewmoments.And then it started againwithHappy’s big laugh. IguessherememberedsomeincidentinvolvingRaamji.

Thatevening,thefourofusinthatflatwerehavinganamazingtime.Talkingaboutourpastandpresent.Aboutthosenot-so-goodlookinggirlsincollege.Aboutthepornweusedtowatchonour

computer.Aboutourexperiencesabroadandmanyotherthings.

‘Sowhichonedidyoulikemore,EuropeortheStates?’Happyaskedme,gettingup.‘Europe,’Ireplied,stilllyingdownandlookingattheceiling.

‘Why?’Amardeepasked.Healwaysneededtofindoutthereasonbehindeverything(thoughhenevergaveanyreasonfornottellinguswherehewenteverySunday,duringourhosteldays).‘Europehasahistory.Thelanguageschangewhenyouleaveonecountryandmovetoanother.Thefood,theartandarchitecture,fabulouspublictransport,thescenicbeauty,everythingisjustwonderfulinEurope,’Itriedtoexplain.

‘YoudidnotseeallthisintheUS?’

‘Somethings,likepublictransport,arenotthatgoodincomparisontoEurope.Youandyourcararetheonlyoptionsinmostofthestates,NewYorkbeinganexception.Youwon’thearasmanylanguagesasyougettohearinEurope.ImeantheUSisdamnadvancedbutstill,IwouldpreferEuropetotheStates.’

Amardeepnoddedandthismeanthisquestionshadended.

‘ThisisthebestthingaboutITjobs,Amardeep.Wegettovisitdifferentplaceswhichweneverdreamtofduringourcollegedays,’MPsaidtoAmardeep.AftercollegeMP,HappyandIjoinedITfirms,whileAmardeepjoinedtheKPOindustry.Hehadneverlikedthehardcoresoftwarebusiness.

Weweregladtobetogetheragain,finally,afterthefarewellnightincollegeandwekepttalkingforhoursthatafternoon.Wewereplanninganoutingfortheeveningwhenwerealizedhowtiredwewereandhowbadlyweneededalittlerest…Idon’trememberwhichoneofusfellasleepfirst,thatafternoon.

‘Wakeup,youasses.It’salready6.30.’

Someonewasstrugglingtogetusoutfromourutopiaofdreams.Inthehostel,Amardeepwasthefirstamongustowakeupand,ofcourse,theonlyonetowakeupothers.Soweknewthatitwasourearly-morningAmardeep.

Still,howcansomebodythumpingyourdoortogetyououtofbedbepleasant?Wehumanbeingshavesuchaweirdnature—whileasleep,wehatethepersonwhoistryingtowakeusup,butonceweareawake,wetendtolovethatsamepersonbecausehedidtherightthing.Asusual,Amardeepwassuccessfulinhisendeavor.Itwas7intheevening.

ThiswasthefirsttimeAmardeepandMPhadcometothecity,sowedecidedtoexplorethestreetsofKolkata.Fortunatelyourhostpossessedtwobikes—hisownPulsarandhisyoungerbrother ’sSplendor.Wegotreadyandpulledoutthebikesfromthegarage.MPandIgotontheSplendor,HappyandAmardeeponthePulsar.

WecrossedtheriverHooghly,overtheVidyaSagarSetu,shoutingandtalkingtoeachother.

Speed-breakerscouldn’tbreakourspeedthatevening.Andwherewerewe?Oncloudnumbernine.Beingwithyourbestbuddiesaftersuchalongtimeis,atonce,sentimentalandthrilling.WewenttotheVictoriaMemorialandfewotherplaces.Attimes,wegotdowntohavesomefruitjuice.Attimes,wehaltedtoenjoyKolkata’sfamoussnacksandsweets.Attimes,wegotdownbecauseoneofuswantedtopee—whichinitiatedachain-reactionamongtherestofus.

Wewereatsomeplace,enjoyingice-teainanearthencup,whenMPasked,‘Whendoweneedtogetbackhome?’Itwasalready10.30.

‘Noworries.Ihavethekeysfortheflatupstairs.Wecangoanytimewewant.Hopefully,wewillnotmoveinbefore1,’Happysaid,finishinghisice-teadowntothelastdrop.‘Andwherearewegoingtobetillthen?’Amardeepwasconcerned.

Amardeepandhis11p.m.sleepingtime,Iremembered,butdidn’tbringittotheothers’notice.Happylookedatmeandaskedwithasmile,‘Shallwegotothesameplace?’‘Oh!Thatone…?’BeforeMP’sdirtybrain-cellscouldstartthinkingsomethingfilthy,Itriedtoclearthepicture.‘Gentlemen!Wearegoingtoaverycoolplacenow,andIbetbothofyouwillfindit…’

IwastryingtofinishwhenMPbecameimpatientandcutmeoff,‘Ohyes.Iheardthat

Chandramukhi was fromWest Bengal. So, are we guys planning to …?’ His wicked smile andnaughtyeyescompletedthequestion.

‘You’renuts,’Happysaid,laughing.

‘Don’tthinktoomuch,MP.Justfollowus,’Iadded.

Withoutrevealinganymore,wewerebackonourbikes,drivingtoourdestination.

Itwasn’tyetmidnightwhenwereachedtheplace.Theairherewasalittlecolder.Atfirstglanceitlookedasifwewereintheslums.Therewasarun-downgaragewhichwasshuttered.Sometruckswereparkedoutside.Theirdriverswereprobablysleeping.Weparkedourbikesbesideoneofthetrucksandwalkedthroughasmallstreettotherightofthegarage.Theplacewasbadlylitandutterlysilent.Ourvoicesandfootstepsrangoutloudly.Thesoundsofinsectsaddedtotheeerinessoftheplace.MPheardapackofdogsbarkingsomewherenearby.Idon’tknowifhereallyheardthem,though.Maybeitwasjusthispoorheart,beatingloudly.

‘Shhh!Theywillwakeup,’ saidHappywitha fingeronhis lips.‘Who?’Amardeepwhispered.

‘Therearepeoplesleepingonthegroundahead.Watchyourstep,’Happysaid.

‘People!Sleepingontheroad?’Amardeepsloweddown.Theywerelocalfishermen.Somewere

sleepingandsomewerehung-overfromhome-madeliquor.

Suddenly,thestreetendedinawoodenchannel.Thiswasastaircase-likestructuregoingdown,andwecouldhearadullsound,likethatofwaterbeatingagainsttheshore.Westeppedonthischannelleavingbehindtheinsect-sounds.

Inafewseconds,wewereatourdestination.

ItwastheriverHooghly,andwewerestandingatitsbay.Amardeep’sandMP’sfearturnedintodelight.

‘ThisistheLaunchGhatand,rightnow,weareinHowrah.Thisisthepointfromwheretheferrytakesyoutotheotherside:Kolkatacity,’Happyannounced,pointingacrosstheriver.Inourexcitement,wejumpedontothewoodenharbor-likestructure,fromthechannel.Surroundingthisharboronthreesideswastheriverinitsperfectvelocity.Itwasabeautifulnight,withthemoonoverheadandthestarsshiningbright.Andbeneaththissky,thefourofus!

Wesatdownbesideoneofthegiantanchorsinacorneroftheharbor.TheriverracedagainstthecoolbreezetomeettheBayofBengal.Inthesilence,thesoundofwaterhittingtheharborwascrystalclear.OntheothersideoftheriverwasKolkata.Thetallbuildingsandthechainoftiny,yellowlightsremindedmeoftheNewYorkskyline.Butthiswasmuchbetter,justbecauseIwaswithmyfriendsnow.

Withourarmswideopen,webreatheddeepandlong,inhalingthefresh,chillair,stillintoxicatedbythebeautyofthisplace.ThatwaswhenHappyspokeup.

‘So?’heasked,lookingatAmardeep.

‘What?’Amardeepasked in return,notunderstandingHappy’s ‘So.’‘So,howisthisplace,dammit?’

‘Oh!Thisplace?Icannotthinkofabetterplacethanthis.Thisisheaven.’

Andthen,again,acoolbreezeblew,embracingus.Welaydownontheharbor.

Thatwaswhenthediscussionstarted.Aseriousdiscussion;adiscussionthatchangedmylife.Itstartedwithanother‘So’.

‘So?’ Amardeep asked this time, looking at Happy.‘What?’Happyasked,raisinghischin.

‘What’s the next important thing?’ Amardeep asked.‘Youmeandinner?’MPjumpedin.

‘No,Imeanthenextimportantthinginlife.Schooling—done.Engineering—done.Gettingagoodjob—done.Goingabroad—done.Bankbalance—inprogress.What’sthenextmilestone?’‘Ah!Iknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,’Happynodded.‘Askhim,’hesaid,pointinghisalreadyraisedchintowardsme.

Everyonelookedatme.

‘I don’t knowwhat’s going on in your life and family, butmymom and dad are going crazy.They’reaftermelikeyouwouldn’tbelieve.Don’tImakeagoodbachelor?’Isaid.

‘Thestoryisthesameeverywhere.Wepoorbachelors,’MPsaidtryingtobefunny.‘Iamserious,MP,’Amardeepsaid.

‘So,haveyouoryourfamilyfixedsomething?’Iaskedhim.

‘No.Mystoryisjustlikeyours.Butthefactisthat,oneday,we’llhavetosettledownwithalifepartner.Howlongcanweignoreourparents’questions?Theytoohaveexpectations,wishesanddreamsforus.’

‘IknowwhatyoumeanAmardeep.Butareyoureallyreadytospendyourwholelifewith

someone?Imean,inourfouryearsatthehostel,thereweresomanytimeswhenwehadtoadjustwitheachother…Thisonewillbeforalifetime,’Happysaid.

‘But,sooneror later,wehave todo this, right?’Amardeepasked.‘Whatifwejustcarryonthewayweare?’MPsaid.

‘Then imagine yourself at the age of sixty, living alone. Life isn’t that easy, my friend. It’s ajourney.Andthebestwaytocompleteitiswithalife-partner,’Amardeepsaid.

Thatnight,onthebankoftheriver,thefourofusdiscussedthisissueseriously,forthefirsttime.Maybeitwasthefirsttimewefeltwewerematureenoughtotalkaboutit.Somanyquestions,ifsand

butswereraisedandansweredbetweenus.Somanyviewswerebroughtinanddebated.Noneofuswasagainstmarriagebutwewantedtoevaluateitsbenefits.AmardeepandIwerequiteconvincedaboutthemarriagething.AndthisdiscussionmadeHappyandMPthinkaboutthematterquiteseriously,evenitdidn’tconvincethem.(WhichremindsmeofasloganIreadonaT-shirt:Ifyoucan’tconvinceher,justconfuseher!)

‘But then, other things come into the picture. Love marriage or arranged marriage? Parents’choiceorours?’Happysaid.

‘Now,that’sapersonalchoice.Butgiventhatweareindependent,Idon’tthinkourparentswillobjecttoourdecision,’Amardeepsaid.

Happykeptmumhearingthis.

‘ButAmardeep,lookatourlives.AllofusareNorthIndians,workinginfar-awaystates.The

chanceoffindingasoul-mate,inthiscase,isquiteslim.Moreover,thekindsofjobswehavedon’tgiveusthetimetointeractwithdifferentpeople.Andaboveall,noneofuswouldliketomarryagirlchosenbyourparents,ifIamnotwrong,’MPsaid.

‘Idon’tknowifyourlaststatementisvalidornot,buttherestisinyourhands,’Amardeepreplied.‘ButMPhasapoint.Inmycase,Iwouldliketomarryagirlofmychoice,butforthelastoneyearIwasabroadandIdon’tknowif,inthenextcoupleofyears,IwillbeinIndia.Giventhisfact,itisquitehardformetoworkonmymarriageplan.Andforapersonlikemeit’simpossibletosettle

downwithanygirlwhoisnotIndian.ForgetIndian,shehastobeaPunjabifirstofall,’Isaid.‘HowdidyouapplyforyourjobatInfosys?’Amardeepasked,digressingfromthetopic.Ianswered,‘Throughsomejobwebsite.’

‘AndHappy,howdidyoutransfermoneyfromLondontoyourparents?’‘ThroughmyInternetbankingaccount.It’squitefast,’heanswered.

‘See?TheworldisbecomingInternet-savvy.And,giventhefactthatweallareITgraduateswhoareonthenetalmosteveryday,whycan’tweusethisforthemarriagethingtoo?’‘AreyoutalkingaboutmatrimonialwebsiteslikeShaadi.com?’Happyasked.‘Yes.’

‘Aretheyreallyuseful?Idon’tthinkso,’MPputforwardhisview.‘Toknowifadishissweetorsalty,youhavetotasteitfirst.That’stheonlywaytoknowthingsforsure,’Amardeepanswered.‘Orbetteryet,askapersonwhohasalreadytastedit.Whytakeachance?’Happysaid,tryingtomakeuslaugh.

‘So Raamji, are you on any suchwebsite?’ I asked.‘Notyet.ButI’mthinkingofit…’

Whenwedidnotsayanything,heexplained,‘Thebestthingaboutthisserviceisthatyoucangothroughsomanyprofileswithoutleavingyourdesk.Thefiltersaregoodenoughtoprovideyousuitablematches.Andyoucaninteractwiththepersonswhointerestyou…Everythingissosystematic.Aboveall,youdon’tneedtoworryaboutyourphysicallocation…’Amardeepmadesomevalidpoints,whichisprobablywhywedidn’thavemuchtodebateabout.‘Hmm…Well,Idon’tknowifthisthingisgoingtowork,butitisworthgivingatry.Whoknows…?’EvenMPwasconvinced.

Itwas1.30a.m.Ouremptystomachsremindedourbrainsoftheirexistence.

Amardeepsaid,‘It’squitelateandI’mdamnhungry.Let’sgethome.’Andhestoodupstretchinghisback.

‘Sowho’sthefirstone?’MPaskedwhileweallweredustingourclothes.

‘Thefirstonetomarry?Orfirstonetomakehisprofileonthewebsite?’Happyasked,laughing.‘Both.’

‘Ithinkthisguy,’Happypointedhisfingeratme,Idon’tknowwhy.

Itwasprobably4a.m.bythetimewehaddinnerandslept.And,afteralongtime,weenjoyedthe

kindofsleepweusedtoenjoyinourhostel.Thatdaybecameoneofthemostmemorabledaysinourlives.

WespentthenextdayvisitingsomeofthebesthangoutsinKolkata.Andwewentagaintothe

LaunchGhatintheeveningtoridetheferrytotheothersideofthecity.And,believeyoume,beingontheferrywasnolessamazingthanboardingtheTitanicin1912.Beingwithyourbestfriendsis

simplywonderful.Weate,drank,talkedandenjoyedtothefullestatapubcalledSomePlaceElse.Thatwasthelastnightofthereuniontrip.

AllthreeofthemcametodropmeatHowrahStationand,onceagain,thefourofushugged,justlikewehadatHyderabadStation,onthelastdayofcollege.

‘Who’sgoingtocryfirst?’MPasked.Butallofuslaughedatthatstupidandsentiquestion.

Thetraincalledmewithitsfinalwhistle.Igotintothecarriageandstoodatthedoor,wavingtothemallasthetrainlefttheplatform.IreachedBhubaneswarthenextmorning.Thatsamemorning,AmardeepandMPboardedflightsbacktotheirrespectiveplaces.Soonafterwards,HappyalsoflewbacktoLondon.

Khushi

Threeweekslater.Iwasinmyoffice,justlikeonanyotherweekday.IwascheckingoutthephotosthatMPhadshotofusall,duringthereuniontrip.HeemailedthemtousandwhileIwaslookingatthem,inmyYahoo!inbox,Inoticedanadflashinginthetop-leftcorner.

Itwasanadforamatrimonialsite—Shaadi.com

—withabeautifulgirl,smilingandlookingforherperfectmatch.

Recallingourreuniondiscussion,Iclickedthehyperlinkonthisad,whichtookmetothewebsite.Withthedefaultfiltersenabled,Iclickedthesearchbuttonand,innotime,Iwasontheresultpagewithmanyfemininepics.Wow!Someamongthemweredamnpretty,andIwantedtocheckthemallout.ButbeforeIcouldvisitthesixthone,Iwaspromptedtoregisteratthewebsite,withoutwhichIcouldn’tbrowsethroughmoreprofiles.Thetrailerwasoverandtowatchthewholemovieyouhadtoregisteryourself.

‘Ididn’thavemuchworkthatday,soI thoughtI’dregistermyselfandcreatemyprofileonthesite.’ThisiswhatIkeptsayingtoHappy,AmardeepandMP.Whereas,itwasactuallytheotherwayround.Thoseprettyfacesontheresultspageforcedmetomaketimeinmyhecticschedule—whichinvolvedprojectdeliverytoaclient,theverynextday.

Someonerightlysaid,‘Threethings—wealth,womenand…’(Ialwaysforgetthethirdone)‘…canmakeanythinghappeninthisworld.’

So,finally,myprofilewasonthewebsite.Iuploadedanicephotographanduncheckedany

checkboxwhichaskedtohidemywhereaboutsfromgirlswhomightbesearchingforme.IdidnotforgettomentionmyprofessionaltripstotheUSandEuropeeither.Afteranhourorso,Iwasallsettocheckoutthoseprettyfacesagain.IsetmyfilterstocheckoutallthePunjabigirlsonthewebsiteandhitthe‘search’button.

Theresultspagedisplayedsomethree-digitnumber—thetotalnumberofprofilesthatmatched

mysearchcriteria.Thiswasexciting!ButIcouldonlycheckoutsomefiftyofthembeforemyeyesgrewtired.Still,amongthosefiftyorso,therewereafewwhomIwantedtocontact.ButbeforeIcoulddoso,therecameaheartbreakingmoment.TotalktothoseprettyfacesIhadtomakeapaymenttothesite.Thereisnosuchthingasafreelunch.Damn!

Theonlycost-freepartwasawaytoexpressmyinterestinthembyclickingabuttonontheirrespectivepages.Thiswouldsendamessagefrommetotheirinbox.Buteveniftheygavemeanaffirmationtointeract,Istillwouldn’tgettheiremailidsunlessImadethepayment.Icheckedtheamounttheywereaskingfor.‘3000bucksfortheyearlyplan!Noway,’Isaidtomyself.ThenI

thought,‘IwillonlypayupifIhappentogetgood,affirmativeresponsesfromthosebeauties.’Tillthen,wheneverIfeltlikeit,Icouldpinganygirlonthewebsitetoshowmyinterestinherprofile.ThiswasthebeginningofmyexperiencewithShaadi.com

—atthecostofmyprojectdelivery,whichIalmostscrewedup.

ApartfromHappy,AmardeepandMP,nobodyelseknewaboutmyprofileonthesite,notevenmyparents.BecausetellingthemthatIwasthinkingofgettingmarriedmeantstirringahornet’snest.Themomenttheyfoundout,theywouldbringinputsfromtheiracquaintancesallovertheplanet—and,Jesus!HowIhatedthat!

Forthenextfewdays,Igotresponsestomyrequests.EverytimeIopenedmyinboxtherewasthisstrangeexcitement.But,mostofthetime,itdidn’tlastlong.Thebestoneshaddeclinedme.Infact,mostofthemhadignoredme.Onlyahandfulacceptedmyrequestbut,unfortunately,theydidn’tappearthatgood.‘Ah!Thiswebsiteisgoodfornothing,’Itoldmyself.AsifIwasJamesBondandallgirlsintheworldwouldthrowthemselvesatme,themomentIapproachedthem.AndthisishowShaadi.com

wentfromhigh-prioritytothelowest-priority.TimepassedbyandIvisitedthesiteonceintwoorthreeweeks,clickingbuttonsonprofilesthatinterestedme,butwithoutmuchexpectation.Somemoregirlsdeclinedme;somegirls,Ideclined.Afewwantedtointeract,buttheireducationwasnotimpressive.Somecalledmeuponmycell;tosomeIwroteafewSMSs.AcoupleofthemwantedmetomoveabroadbutIwasnotgame;someothers,IcouldnotconvincethatIndiawasabetterplacetolivein.

Duringoneofmyshort,officialtripstotheUS,Ialsohappenedtobuytheyearlyplanforagirl

whobadlywantedtotalktome.Damn!Outofthethreethings(wealth,womenand…thelastone

whichIalwaysforget)thatcouldmakeanythinghappeninthisworld,thesecondwasalreadymakingmedothings.Theironybeingthatthegirl,whomIcoughedup3000bucksfor,nevergotintouch.Ilostallinterestinthewebsite.

Then,oneevening,IreceivedanSMSonmycellphone.

HiImKhushiI

receivedurmsgs

onmyothercellcanuplscallmenow

Thatwas20-July-200618:58:19.Mycellphone’sinboxstillshowsthedateandtime.

WhenIgotthisSMS,IwasinaconferencecallwithaclientintheUS.IquicklyrecalledthenameoftheprofilefromwhichIhadgotanacceptancetheweekbefore,alongwiththecontactmobilenumberandanemailid.IwroteanSMSinreply:

Minmidofaconfcall.

wllringyouinanotherhlfnhr.

Theverynextminute,mycellflashedthearrivalofanewmessage.

Itoohvcmpltdmyconfcal

few min bck. U cmplete urs and Icanwaittillthen.

Afterfinishingmycall,IdialedhernumberbutonlyafterIhadquicklybrowsedthroughherprofile.‘Hello!’saidabeautifulvoicefromtheotherend.

‘Hi!ThisisRavin.’

‘AndIamKhushi,’shesaidinapleasingandconfidentvoice.

‘Yup,IlearntthatinyourSMS.SorryIkeptyouwaitingbutIwasinthemiddleofanimportantconferencecallwithaclient.’

‘Noproblem.EvenIhadsomestufftocomplete.’

Ourconversationbeganformallybut,innotime,itbecamequiterelaxedandinformalwhenwefoundoutsomeamusingthings.

‘IlearntthatyouwereborninthemonthofFebruary1982,’shesaid.

‘Yes.4thFebruary.Anythingspecific?’IwonderedifIwassupposedtorecallsomethingfromherprofile.ButtheonlythingIremembered,then,wasthatshelookedbeautifulinherpicture.‘Youmighthavenoticedthatmyyearandmonthofbirtharethesame.’‘Ohyes!22ndFebruary.Ihadseenthat,’Isaid,quicklyrushingtomycomputerandscrollingthroughherprofile.‘AndyouwereborninFaridabad…’

‘No.IwasborninKolkata.Mydadwasinthedefenceservicesand,whenIwasborn,hewaspostedinKolkataandwasstayingtherewithfamily.’

‘Really…?Youwon’tbelievethis!’Ishouted,attractingmycoworkers’attention.‘What?’

‘You guess!’ I said, heading towards the staircase area, where I could talk to her withoutdisturbingtheothers.

‘Don’ttellmeyouwerealsobornin…’

Butbeforeshecouldcompletehersentence, Ishoutedagain, ‘Yes!’‘But,howcome?’

‘That’smymother ’snativeplace.’

AndIdon’tknowwhywescreamedandlaughedatthisfact.Thousandsofpeoplemusthavebeenborninthesameyear,thesamemonthandthesameplace,givenourcountry’strackrecord.Butthewaywereacted!

‘Youknow, there issomethingelsewehaveincommon—theclassicalmusic thing.I learnt thatyouholdadegreeinplayingthesitar,’Isaid.

‘Yes.Andyouholdoneinplayingthetabla,right?’

‘Indeed.Ilearnttoplayitforfouryears.Infact,Iwasneverinterested,butmydadforcedmeto…’

‘Well,youknowwhat?That’stheonlyreasonwhyIfeltlikecontactingyou.’‘I’mnotsureIunderstand,’Isaidslowly.

‘Thehobbysectioninyourprofilesaidthatyouplaythetabla.Andyourinterestinclassicalmusicwastheonlythingthatdifferentiatedyoufromtheothersandmademefeelliketalkingtoyou,’sheclarified.

Sothatwasit!Atablamakesagirlwanttotalktoaguy!Itwasimpossibletounderstandgirls,butIfeltlikehuggingmydadandthankinghimforforcingmetolearnthetabla.

‘EvenIgotmydegreeafterfouryearsatPrayaagUniversity.AndwebothareintheITindustry,’shepointedoutmorethingswehadincommon.

‘Ohyes!YouworkwithCSCNoida, if Iamnotwrong?’Iasked,knowing that Iwasn’twrong.AndhowcouldIbe,whenherprofilewasinfrontofme?

‘Yes.IworkwithCSC…Tellmesomething.MyfriendssaythatInfosyspeoplearestudiousandgoodrank-holders.Isthattrue?’

‘Are you expectingme to say ‘no’ to that?’Shelaughed.

ThatwasmyfirstevercandidtalkwithagirlIhadn’tseenyet.Onthatcall,wetouchedbaseonvariousthings:thelatestmovieswehadseen,ourbestfriends,herfamily,myfamily,ourcollegedays,musicandotherareasofinterest.

‘SoisyourfamilyinBhubaneswartoo?’

‘No,mynativeplaceisaverysmalltowncalledBurla,nearSambalpur.Momanddadlivethere.MybrotherandIareinBhubaneswar,andwebothworkwithInfosys.Westayinarentedflatwithtwootherroommates,andvisitourparentsonalternateweekends.Burlaisjustanight’sridefromBhubaneswar.’

Wetalkedfornearlyanhour.Icouldfeelmycellphoneburningmyear,andthecell’sbatterywasonitslastlegs.AndeventhoughIwantedtokeeptalkingtoher,Ihadtosay,‘Listen!Mybatteryisgoingtogiveupsoon.ButIhopewearegoingtostayintouch.’

‘Yourbattery?’shesaid,laughing.

‘Imean,mymobile’s.’Istartedlaughingtoo.

‘Justkidding.ButIbelievewe’lltalkagain.’Thensheadded,suddenly,‘Butbeforeyouhangup,youhavetosayonegoodthing.’

Onegoodthing?NowwhereonearthwouldIfindonegoodthingtosay?ButI’dwatchedamoviethedaybeforeand,thankinggod,Irepeatedalinefromit.‘BismilkasandeshhaikikalLahorejaanewaligaadihumKakoripelootenge,aurunpaisonsehathiyarkharidenge.’Then,Itookadeepbreath,andwaited…Andsheburstintoabiglaugh.

Istillthinkitwasagoodline.ButIdon’tknowwhatmadeherlaugh.Anyhow,Itoojoinedinherlaughter,sothatshewouldnotthinkmestupidorlackingasenseofhumor.‘OK!I’mhearingthefinalbeepsfrommycell.Itwasreallynicetalkingtoyou,Khushi.Butwewon’tbeabletotalkmore,thoughIwantto.’

‘Samehere. I liked talking toyouverymuch.Seeyou.’‘Yeah,bye.’

‘Insteadofbye,youshouldsay‘seeyou’.It’snicer.Itmeanswe’llinteractagain…’shesaid,andtouchedmyheart,somewhere.Herinnocenceandthecandidwayinwhichshetalkedtomehadleftitsmarkonmymind.

‘Seeyou,’Isaid,beforeIhungup.

Thatnight,lyingonmybed,Iwentovertheconversationagainandagain.AndIwondered:CouldIhavebeenmorehumorous,justtoimpressherfurther?Orwasthecalljustperfect,thewayitshould

havebeen?Andwasshethinkingabouttheconversationtoo,atthatverymoment,sittingsomewhereinherroom.

Idon’tknowwhy,butIfeltlikecallingherupagainanditwashardtocurbthaturge.ButIhadtocontrolit,becauseIdidnotwanttomessthingsup,rightinthebeginning,bybecomingaguywhobothersherat11.30inthenight.‘No,’Isaidtomyself,loudly,switchedoffthelightandjumpedintobed.

Aloneinmyroom,Iwassmiling,talkingtonobodyandtherewasthisdifferentsortoffeeling

withinme.Islept,justsothatthenightwouldpass,andanewdaywouldcomewhenIcouldhearherbeautifulvoiceonceagain.

Thenextday,Iwaitedforhercall.Thoughwe’dnotdecidedthatshewassupposedtocallme,stillIhadthisgut-feelingthatshewould.By10,intheofficeIwasgettingrestless.Iwantedtohearhervoicebut,atthesametime,Iwantedhertocallmeup.

Happyhadgivenmethissuccessfundainthematterofgirls:Don’tmakethemfeelthatyouaregoingcrazyafterthem;justgivesometimeandtheywillcometoyou.

At11,IrealizedthatHappywasafoolandIwentaheadandSMSedhera‘goodmorning’,even

thoughitwasa little latefor that.ButIdidn’t receiveanyreply tomySMSandbeganwonderingwhotherealfoolwas…

And,thatday,Iwasalsouncertain.ShouldIlistentomyheartormybrain?Bothofthemwerepointinginoppositedirections.Mybrainwastellingmyego,‘Whatdoesshethinkofherself?’Whereas,myheartstillwishedtohearhervoice.

Callitmyweaknessormyefforttocurbmyego—alittlelaterIdidwhatmyhearttoldmetodoandIdialedhernumber.

‘Hey!Hi,howareyou?’Khushipickedupthephone.

‘Whenwishingyouagoodmorning,thesenderalsoexpectsasimilarresponse.Iamfine.’‘Iwasgoingtoreplyonthewaytotheoffice.’

‘Youmeanyou’restillathome?’

‘Yeah.Actually,weworkintheafternoonshiftaswehavetobeinsyncwithourUK-basedclients.Hey,mycab’soutside,’shesaidrushingandsaying‘bye’tohermom.Icouldhearthedoorbeingclosedandher‘hi’toherfriendsinthecab.Aftershegotin,weresumedourtalk.‘Sowhat’sup?’Iaskedher.

‘Amidiwasherethismorning,’shesaid.Irememberedhermentioningacoupleofnamesduringourpreviouscall,butIcouldhardlyrememberwhowaswhoamongthem.‘Amidi…?’Imurmured,tryingtorecallthename.

‘Ihavethreesistersandonebrother.MishadiistheeldestandlivesinLudhiana.Shehasavery

sweetkid,Daan,whoisstudyinginnursery.Amidiisthesecond,andshetooismarried.ShelivesinNoida,anhour ’sdrivefromourplace,andworkswithaBPO.Deepu,mybrother,istwoyearsyoungerthanmeandisworkingwithanMNCinAssam.Theydealwithoilwellsandstuff.AndNeeruistheyoungest,mysweetlittlesis,’shetoldmeabouthersiblingsagain,withnocomplaintsorquestionsastohowIforgotaboutthemsosoon.

Shecontinued,‘Andapartfromthis,mumanddadarewithus.Andinyourfamily,it’syourmomanddad,youandyouryoungerbrother,Tinku,whoisalsoasoftwareengineerwithInfosys,andhisofficeisinthesamebuildingasyours,exceptheisonthefirstfloorandyouonthesecond.Right?’

Andthatwasasilentslaptomymemory.Sherememberedeverythingaboutmyfamily.AllIcoulddowassay,‘Hmm…10on10,’andlaugh.ButIlaughedalone.

‘So,Iwassaying,Amidiwasherethismorning.Aftercompletinghernight-shiftshecametoFaridabad.Shevisitsusonceinaweekortwo.’

Thiscallwasallaboutherfamily.Icametoknowabouttwomorepeople—DavinderJiju,Mishadi’shusband,andPushkar,Amidi’shusband.PushkarandAmidiusedtoworkinthesamecompanyandtheyhappenedtofallinlove,whichwasnotagoodideaaccordingtoKhushi’sdad.ThehurdlestheyhadtofacewerenodifferentfromanylovestoryinBollywoodmovies.PushkarcomesfromaHindufamilywhereasAmidibelongstoaSikhfamily.Pushkariscoolwithboozingandnon-vegwhilethesethingsaretabooinKhushi’sfamily.Butthen,aswelearnfromthosesamemovies,Love,intheend,winsallthebattles.And,thatiswhathappenedhereaswell.Alltheyoungstersin

Khushi’sfamilysuccessfullyconvincedtheirdadtogivehisapprovalforthemarriage.

Inthatcall,Khushialsomentionedthatsheusedtoleaveherofficearound9.30atnightandreachherhomeby11.WhichmeantthatshewouldbeawakeforquiteawhileandIcouldcallherlateatnightincaseIfeltthewayIhadthenightbefore.

Sothatwashowwestartedcallingeachother,writingmessages,evenwishingeachothergoodnight.But,inourinitialcalls,wenevertoucheduponthepurposeforwhichwehadstartedinteracting—marriage.

Butsheinitiatedthis,oneday,whenIforwardedherane-albumofmypictures,withmyfriends,inBelgium.

‘Inoticedonepicwiththedescription—enjoyingredwineinapub,’shesaid.‘Ohyes,thatwasoneofthehappeningeveningsinBelgium.’‘Soyoubooze?’

‘Hmm…yeah.Butveryrarely.Onceintwoorthreemonths,orattimessix.Onlyonsome

occasionswhenIamwithfriendsandtheyinsistIgivethemcompany,’Iansweredcoolly.

‘Well,Idon’tknowhowyouaregoingtoreactonthis,butIalwayswantedalife-partnerwhoabstainsfromthis.’

AndIaskedmyself,‘So,isshesayingthatsheisgoingtolookforsomebodyelse?’Iwasn’tsure.ButtheonethingIwassureaboutwasthat,finally,wewerediscussingmarriage.Shecontinued,‘See,everypersonhassomelikesanddislikes.Whenwetalkaboutmarriage,it’saboutrespectingeachother ’sfeelings;it’sabouttrust,afewcompromisesandmuchmore.Andifyouaregoingtobemylife-partner,Isincerelyurgeyoutochoosealifewithoutalcohol.’Shewasthefirstamongustosay:ifyouaregoingtobemylife-partner.Andinhervoicethosewordssoundedsodifferent,somagical.

And,ofcourse,itwasthemagicofthosewordswhichoverrodemyconsciousnessandmademesay,‘It’sagentleman’spromise.Ifyouaregoingtobemylife-partner,Iwillnotboozeunlessyouare

comfortableaboutit.AndImeanit.’Ididn’tstoptherebutcontinued,‘ThereasonIcandothisisbecausealcoholisnotsomethingIamaddictedto.Atthesametime,Idon’tthinkit’sbadtoboozeonceinhundreddays,justtogivecompanytoyourbestfriends.Eventhen,Ihavenevercrossedmylimitsandgotdrunkcompletely.Still,ifthisbecomesaproblembetweenmeandmylife-partner,Iwillgladlyabstain.’

‘Andpromisesaremeanttobekept…’shereiterated.And,probably,shesmiledtoo.

‘Absolutely!’Thegentlemanwithinmewasstilltalking.‘Butthedayyougettoknowme

completely—aftersixmonths,orten,ormaybeayear,ormaybemorethanthat.Then,ifyouthinkthatboozingisnotatallabadcasewithme,youwillhavetoallowmetohaveadrinkwithmybestfriends.But,again,Iwillneverforceyoutosaythat.’

Thiswasanotherlandmarkinoursagaand,henceforth,shefeltmuchbettertalkingtome.AndI

feltgood,justbecauseshefeltgood.

Wasthesecond,outofthethreethings(wealth,women,andIstillcan’trememberthethird)thatcouldmakeanythinghappeninthisworld,makingmedothis?Ididn’tknowthen,andIdon’tknownow.Theonlythingbotheringmewas,whatwouldIsaytoHappyandMPwhenwesattogetherwithredwine,atournextreunion?‘Guys,pleasebearwithmeasI’vestoppedboozingbecauseofapromiseImadetoagirl,whomI’veonlytalkedtoonthephoneforaweek.Yes,onlyaweek.Farlessertimethantheyearswhichweallhavespenttogether.’

Ididn’tknow,then,ifthatpromisewasgoodorbadforme.Butwhatwasdefinitelygoodwasthetrustandunderstandingwegained.Andthiswasjustbeginning.Itwasatoughcall…Butthen,somethingwithinmewantedherforalong,longtime…Forever.

AnotherStepCloser

‘What?Youhaven’ttalkedtoyourparentsyet?Shona!Youpromisedmeyou’ddothatbynow.’Ifyouarewonderingwhothisnewcharacter,Shona,is—it’sme.AndthepersonshoutingthosequestionsatmeismyKhushi.Yes,sheisminenow.

Weareinlove.Forthefirsttime…Soundscrazy?

So,didithappenwhenwewerestudyingtogetherincollege?

Ofcoursenot.Iamathousandmilesawayfromher.

Wasitloveatfirstsight?

Definitelynot.Wehaven’tevenseeneachotheryet!

—Thequestionsmyfriendswouldaskme,andtheanswersIgavethem.(Thereweresomedirtyonestoo,whichIcanignore.)Buteveryone’slastquestionwasthesame.

Areyoucrazy?

Idon’tknnoooowwww…

Indeed,beinginlovewithapersonyouhaven’tevenmetisacrazything.Anddecidingtomarrythatpersonsomeday,evencrazier.NeverinmywildestdreamshadIthoughtmylove-lifewouldbelikethis.Tobehonest,Ihadnevereventhoughtofanylove-life.

But,now,IhadchangedalotandwasnolongerthepersonIusedtobetillsometimeago.

Alotofthingshadchanged,inmeandaroundme.Ihadstartedslippingoutofconversationswithmyfriendsjusttogiveheracall.Isleptlessandtalkedmore.Myphonebillsledmymonthlyspendingchart,leavingthehouserentmilesbehindintherace.Istartednoticingcouples:thewaytheysattogetheringardens,handinhand;thewayagirlholdsherboyfriend,onamotorbike.Istartedworryingaboutthe‘howdoIlook’factor.MystatusonOrkutchangedfrom‘single’to

‘committed’.ShebecamethepasswordtomyseveralInternetIDs.Sittinginmyofficealone,Iusedtosmile,talkingtonobody.

Lovewasintheair.

Ourswassuchadifferentstory.A21stcenturylovestory,whosefoundationwasmodern-day

gadgetry.ThankstoGrahamBellforinventingtelephonesthathelpedmetalktoher,knowherbetterand,finally,fallinlovewithher.ThankstotheInternet,theWorldWideWebandsiteslikeShaadi.com

thathelpedmefindher.Idiscoveredmyselftobeatruesoftwareengineerinthishi-tech-lovephase.Andwhetherthiskindoflovewasgoodorbad,wasnolongerapointtoponder—wewerealreadyinit.

Comingbacktothereasonshewasshoutingatme.

ItwasbecauseIhadbrokenapromise.No,nottheboozingone.Somethingelse.

Herfamilyknewaboutmesinceourfirstcall,butthecasewasn’tthesameatmyend.Myfamilydidnotknowaboutheryet.Infact,theydidn’tevenknowthattheirson’sprofilewasonsomematrimonialsite.Naturally,shewasconcernedaboutthissituation.Thattoo,afterwehadfinallydecidedourdestiny.

Herqueriesaboutthismatterweregrowingeveryday.Gradually,shestartedfeelinguncomfortablebecauseofthisveryreason.Therefore,aweekearlier,IhadpromisedherthatIwouldtalktomyfamilyonthecomingweekend.Butunfortunately,Icouldnot,becauseoftheweekendexamatIMS.(IMS.AnotherinterestingsimilaritybetweenuswasthisMBApreparationcenter.WebothwerepreparingforMBA,andwehadjoinedthesamecrash-courseinthesameinstituteinourrespectivecities!)

‘IcouldnottraveltoBurlalastweekendbecauseIhadtoappearforatestatIMS,’Isaid,tryingtocalmher.

‘ButyoupromisedmeShona…!’Myshoutingladyturnedintoanemotionalone.Shekilledmewiththatname.ShelovedtocallmedifferentnamesandthebestamongthemallwasShona.AndIlovedthewaysheusedtosayit.Withsuchcareandwarmth.

‘ThisweekendIwill,forsure.Idon’thaveanytaskmoreimportantthanthisone,’Itoldher.

AndmyShonimoniwashappyagain.Shonimoni.ThenameIgaveher.Punjabiforcuteandsweet;thefemininecounterparttoShona.

ThenextweekendarrivedandIwaspanicking.Afterall,Iwasgoingtotalktomyparentsaboutmymarriage.Thiswasdefinitelygoingtobeaboltfromtheblue,forthem.

Iwassmartenoughtotakemyyoungerbrother,Tinku,intoconfidencethenightbeforeweleftforBurla.Healreadyknewsomethingwasgoingonbetweenmeandsomegirl.Mylatenightcallshad

madethatmuchclear.Buthehadneverimaginedthatallthisstartedatamatrimonialsite.Beinghiselderbrother,IdidnotgivehimanyoptionexcepttobeonmysidewhenItalkedtomomanddad.

SincethemomentwearrivedatourhomeinBurla,Iwasdoingstrangethings,movinghereand

there,tryingtobringthesubjectup,tryingtofindjusttherightmoment.ButIwasnotatallsurewhattheperfectmomentwas.

Iwasthinkingtoomuch.Morethanmybraincouldhandle.ShouldIsayitnow?OrshouldIwaittilltheclock’sminutehandhascoveredfifteenmoreminutes?Butevenafterithadcoveredahundredandfiftyminutes,Iwasstillwaiting.

EverytimeIwasabouttospillitout,somethingwouldhappen:thetelephonerang,somebody

knockedatthedoorand,ifnothingelse,thestupidpressurecooker ’swhistledraggedmymombackintothekitchen.Theonemomentwhennosuchthinghappened,Ijustcouldnotopenmymouth.‘She’sgoingtocrythistime,ifIdon’tdothis,’Itoldmyself.

Afterlunch,Isomehowgatheredenoughcouragetoinitiatethedreadedconversation.EventhoughIthoughtitwasquitebizarretoaskmyparentshowtheymetandmarriedeachother,Icouldnotthinkofabetterwaytobringupthesubject.

‘Mumma,tellmeonething.Howdidyouguysfindeachotherandendupmarrying?’Iasked.

Momanddadlookedateachother,thenatmeandsmiled.Parentsaresmart,andwhatwedon’tknowisthattheyknowwhatisgoingoninourminds.Theyhadprobablyread,veryeasily,whatthemarqueeonmyforeheadwasdisplaying.

Still,theynarratedtheirstory,andthemomentthatwasover,Mummaasked,‘Sohowisyoursgettingstarted?’

Iwondered if I should hidemy face in the cushions, or say, ‘My story…? I don’t have any,’beforemybrainangrilytoldme,‘Comeon,speakup,youfool!’

And,fortunately,gatheringallmyshycourage,Inarratedmystorysofar. Ievenshowedthemherpicture.Iwasexpectingalotofifsandbutsfrommyparents,buttomysurprisenothingofthatsorthappened.EvenTinkuhadaskedmemorequestionsthanmyparentsasked!

Momwashappybecause,finally,hersonwasthinkingaboutmarriage.Dadwashappybecausethetoughestpart—searchingforagirlofhisson’schoice—wasover.Hewasrelieved,thoughhetriedtosoundquitediplomatic.Iwashappybecause,finally,Iwasabletogetthisthingoutofmyheartandplaceitinfrontofeverybody.AndTinku,hewasobservingeverybody’sreactions.Hedoesn’tgetinfluencedeasily,andthat’ssomethingIbothlikeanddislikeinhim.

Acoupleofquestionsfrombothmomanddad,whichIansweredwithconfidence,andthatwasit.Ihadneverthoughtthatthistoughestofhurdleswouldbeoversoquickly.

ButbeforeweleftforBhubaneswar,onSundaynight,atthebusstop,dadsaid,‘Wewillanalysethis,butit’sgoodthatyouhavebecomeseriousaboutyourmarriage.’

‘Noissues.Iunderstandyourpoint,’Isaidtohim.Inside,though,Iwasthinking,‘WhocaresDad!’

Mondaymorning,IreachedmyotherhomeinBhubaneswar.Stretchingoutonmybed,IcalledKhushiup.

‘Missionaccomplished,’Isaid,wakingherup.Thosetwowordsconveyedeverythingtoher.AndwhatdidIgetinresponse?Afusilladeofkisses.Thelastoneswererealpassionate.Thatwasthefirsttimeshekissedmeonphone.

‘Ohboy!Soloud?Nooneisaround,haan?’Iasked.

Shedidn’tanswermyquestionbutsaid,‘Ifeellikepullingyouintomybedrightnowandkissingyoumadly.’

Wow!Shewassohappy,madandcomfortable,knowingthatIhadfinallytoldmyfamilyabouther.Anothermilestoneinourlovestorywascrossed.Bothourfamiliesnowknewaboutouraffair.And,asusual,IwashappybecausemyShonimoniwashappy.But,astheysay,‘Loveisablendofdifferentemotions.’SoonaneveningcamewhenImadehercry.AndthenIcriedbecauseshewascrying.

ItwasanotherweekendandIwasinBurla,sittingintheverandah,busywithmyReading

Comprehension—RC—section.Iwasannoyed,havingscoredratherbadlyinmyself-exam.Iwasabouttoadvancetothenextpassagewhenshecalled.

‘Hey,hi…’Isaidinadepressedtone.

‘Whatismybabydoing?’sheasked.Iloveditwhenshetalkedthatway,whenshecalledme‘baby’inhercutestvoice.Itsoundedsocaring.Asifshehadtakenoveralltheresponsibilityoflookingafterme.

‘RCisscrewingupyourbabyandI’minaverybadmood.’

‘Thentalktomeforawhileandyou’llbeinagoodmoodagain.’

‘Nodear.Iwanttostartanewpassageandscorebetterthistime.Onlythatwillchangemymood.Canwetalkatnight…please?’

‘Hmm…Ok.Seeyoulater.Butatleastsayonegoodthingbeforehangingup.’

ThereweresomanythingsspecifictoKhushi,thelittlethingsthatwereimportanttoher.Likethisuniqueideaoflisteningtoonegoodthingbeforewehungup.Ilikedit,mostofthetime,unlessIwastootiredtothinkupsomethingnewandgoodforher.

‘Khushi!Pleaseunderstand.Mymindisn’tworking.Ican’tthinkofanythinggoodatthismoment.I’lltellyoutwogoodthingsatnight.Ok?’

‘Ok.Youtakecare.’

‘Bye.’

‘Byenahin,seeyou,’shecorrectedmeagain.

‘Ohyes.Seeyou,’andIhungup,stillinabadmood.

HardlyfifteenminuteshadpassedwhenIheardmycellphoneringingagain.Itwasher.‘Nowwhat?’Myvoicewasalittleloud.

‘You know why I called you earlier?’‘Oho…!Why?’Iwasannoyed.

‘Becauseit’sraininghere.AndIfeellikeholdingyourhandsanddancingintherain.’‘Khushi!’Myvoicegrewlouder.

‘Okbaba,I’msorry.Seeyoulater,’shesaid,innocently.

ShewasabouttohangupwhenIfeltbadabouthowIbehavedandsaid,‘Heywait.Wecantalkforawhile.IneededabreakfromthisdamnedRCthing.’

Andshewashappyagain.

Inalittlewhile,thefocusofourconversationchangedfromraintoourpromisesandpriorities.

Thethingswewantedtoacceptandthethingswewantedtogiveup,foreachother.Noboozinguntilshewascomfortablewithit,preparingmyselfforavegetarianenvironment(atleastathome)andafewothersthingswereonmyplate.AndtalkingtomeandmyfamilyinPunjabiwasthemostimportanttaskIputonherplate.(HerfamilyspokeHindiandshewasbroughtupinthatatmosphere.Whereas,myearsbadlywantedtohearthelanguagewhichIwasbroughtuparound.)Noneofourexpectationswereforceduponeachother,though.Itwasmutualunderstanding,anattempttodothebestwecouldforeachother.Afterall,weweresupposedtolivetogetherfortherestofourlives.Thatevening,Iaskedhermischievously,‘Hey!DoyoumindtalkinginPunjabi?Ineverheardyoufulfillingmyexpectations.Orareyougoingtostartafterourmarriage?’

‘AndifIsayIwon’tdothatevenafterourmarriage,whatwillyoudo?’sheteasedmeand

laughed.Iimaginedherjumpingoffherbedandrunningtothewindowtocatchafewraindrops.‘ThenI’lltakeyoubacktoyourhomeinFaridabadandleaveyouthere.’

Allshesaidwas,‘Shona…?’Icouldheartherainfallingonthegroundoutsideherwindow.I

realizedwhatIlandedupsaying.Myattemptathumorhadbadlyfailed.Ididnotknowhowtoreact.BeforeIcouldsayanything,shesaid,‘Shona,youcarryonwiththepassage.Seeyoulater.’Andshehungupveryquietly—somethingsheneverdid.

Ifeltveryuncomfortable,recallingthewayIhadreactedtoherteasing.IcouldneithercallheruptotellherthatIdidn’tmeanwhatshethoughtImeant,norcouldIconcentrateonmyRCpassages.Allmyanswersforthenextpassagewereincorrect.

Later thatevening,around7p.m., I rodemybike to thenearestATMtogetsomecashformyticketbacktoBhubaneswar.Itstarteddrizzling—thefirstrainoftheseason.NowIcouldimaginehowshefelt when she had calledme earlier. I got out of the queue in front of the ATM and dialed hernumber.

‘Hello?’shesaid.Hervoicewasshaking.

‘Khushi,’Isaid.

‘Yes,Shona,’shepromptlyresponded.ThenIheardachokingnoisewhichwasenoughforanyonetorealizethatshewascrying.

Icouldnotsayanythingforamoment,duringwhichhertearsrolleddownfurther.‘Heydear!Please…Pleasedon’tcry.I’msosorryforhavingsaidthoseterriblewords.’ShestartedsobbingloudlyandIfeltveryashamedforwhatIhaddonetothegirlwhowantedtoholdmyhandsanddancewithmeintherain.IfeltasifIhadcommittedthegreatestsin—makingthesweetestgirlonearth,whowasonlymeantforme,cry.HowcouldIhavedonethat?Ihitthewallinfrontofmeveryhard.Thepeopleinthequeuelookedatme.Imoveddownthestreettowheretherewasnolight.

‘Iamsosorry,Khushi.Iamsosorry.Pleasedon’tcrybecauseofmystupidmistake.’Silence.

‘Talktomedear.Saysomething.Punishmebut,forGod’ssake,talktome,’andwiththatItoostartedcrying.

Afterawhileshemanagedtosay,‘Shona,youhaven’teventakenmetoyourhomeyetandyou’retalkingofsendingmeback.’

Hersimple,innocentquestionleftmespeechless.Shewascrying,Iwascryingandtheskywascryingwithus.Itstartedrainingheavily.

‘Ittookyoujustasecondtosaythat.ButIamagirl.Iwillbeleavingmyparents,mybrotherandsisters,peoplewithwhomIhavelivedmylifesofar,myhome,whichholdssomanymemories,justtobecomeyours.Andyousaidthatyouwillleaveme.’

‘I’mstupid,I’mterrible.Ireallyam,’Ishouted,hittingapoleonthesideofthestreet,cryingloudlyinthatrain,notcaringifanybodysawme.Thecloudsthundered.Theraincamedownhardandnoisy.AndIkepthittingthepoleandcrying.Theremusthavebeensomethingwrongwithme,forIhadnevercriedthatway.

Andit’sprobablythenatureofthefemininehearttostopothersfromcrying.SoshedidwhatIshouldhavedoneforher.Shewipedmytearsfirst.

‘Shona!Shona…Please!Icanhearyoucrying.Pleasedon’tdothat.Please…See,I’mtalkingtoyou.Andnomatterwhat,Iamyours,justyoursandevennowIamwithyou.Andifyouwanttosee

mehappy,pleasedon’tcry,mydear.’Thebrokenheartwascomfortingtheheartthathadbrokenit.Sheevenmademelaughalittle,later.

ThenIsaid,‘IfeelsorryandI’mashamedofmyselfforhurtingyou.’

‘Shona,doyouknowthat,justlikeyou,Itoowanttobewithmyfamilyforever.Butbecauseofthewayoursocietyandcultureis,Ihavetoleavethemall.AndIwilldothat,becauseIaminlovewithyouandthepersonIneedthemostfortherestofmylife,totakecareofme,isyou.’

‘Iknowthatdear.Iknowthatverywell.Idon’tknowhowIlandedupsayingthat.Ineverfeltit

frommyheart.Youhavealltherighttopunishme.’

‘Punishment?’ she asked in a cute voice.‘Yeah.Itcanbeanything,’Isaid.

‘Whereareyou?’sheasked,andIfelthervoicegettingbetter.‘IcametogetsomecashfromtheATM.It’stwoblocksaway.’‘AretherepeopleattheATM?’

‘Yeah,thereisalongqueue.’‘GobacktotheATMqueue.’‘Why?’

‘Justgothere.It’spartofyourpunishment.’

‘All right,’ I said andwent back. ‘Yes. I am there.’‘Ok.Nowgivemefivekisses.’

‘What!?’

‘Shona!’shesaidsternly,remindingmethatIcouldnotbackout.

I hadmade her cry, and now I had to dowhat shewanted. I steeledmyself and, ignoring thepeoplearoundme,wentaheadandgaveherfiveloudkissesoverthephone.IwasthesecondlastpersoninthequeueandIkeptmyheadbenttoavoidcontactwiththesurprisedeyeswhichwerestaringatme.

Itwasembarrassing,tosaytheleast,butshejustlaughed.Anddespitemyembarrassment,Iwashappytomakeherlaughagain.

Atthesametime,Iunderstoodagirl’ssituation,thesacrificesshemakesforthemanofherdreams.Sheleavesbehindeverythingshepossessedsofarinlife,toembracehimandhisfamily.IaskedmyselfhowIwouldhavefeltifIwastoleavemyfamilyforher.CouldIeventhinkofleavingmyfamily?Howdogirlsdoit?And,moreimportantly,whydoonlytheyhavetodoit?Ididn’thaveanyanswers.Induecourseoftime,Khushitaughtmeseveralsuchlessons.Gradually,shewaschangingmeandmymindset.

Thatevening,Ididnotwithdrawanycashbecausethenextmoment,Inoticedoneofmyneighborsstandinginthequeue,rightaheadofme.Hisfacemadeitclearthathehadcaughtmekissingmyphone.

Itismidnight,thelastSaturdayofAugust.Ihavecomebackhomeafterwatchingamovie.KhushiandIhadaquarrelintheafternoonand,becauseIcouldn’tstandnottalkingtoher,Iwenttowatchamovie,thinkingitwouldmakemefeelbetter.Itdidnot.

Unabletostanditanylonger,Icallherupinthemiddleofthenight.

Shepicksupmycallwithalaugh,makingmerealizethatIcouldn’tstandbymytoughwords—Isaid

Iwouldnotbethefirstonetostarttalkingagain.Momentslater,evenIjoininherlaughter.Wearenolongerquarreling.Later,shesayssomethingthattouchesmyheart.

‘Shona!Let’smakethisaruleforourlifeaftermarriage.Ifwearetogetherathome,thenwe

willhavedinnerinthesameplate,nomatterwhat.Evenifwehadaterriblefightthatday.Wemaynotspeaktoeachother,butsittingtogether…waitingforourturnstobreakthenextbiteofchapatti…theinadvertenttouchofourhandsasweeat…allthiswillcalmouranger.Haina?’

ItwasthebeginningofOctober—almostthreemonthssincewekneweachother.Ihadtalkedtoherentirefamilybythen,andshehadtalkedtomine.

Infact,shehadbecomeagoodfriendofmymother.Mummaalwayswantedtohaveadaughter.Gradually,shestartedsharingherjoysandsorrowswithKhushi.Sheusedtotalkaboutmychildhood,mynature,mylikesanddislikes,thethingsthatmademeangry.Shealsotalkedaboutherlifeinthisfamily,afamilyinwhichmenoutnumberedwomenbyaratioof3:1andwhere,unfortunately,themajoritydominated.

TherewerethingsaboutmymotherwhichIhadneverknownearlier.ButKhushiwouldtellmethosethings.Likeanyotherson,Ialsolovemymother,buttheproblemisthatweneverknowwhenwebecomepartofthismaledominantsociety.Khushiusedtoexplaintomethenatureofawomanandherexpectations.SheusedtotellmewhatIshoulddoforherwhenIwentbackhome,onweekends.Sheusedtogivemetips.Attimes,shealsousedtoshoutatmeifIforgotthem.Ihadonemorereasontobehappythen,forKhushiunderstoodtheimportanceofrelationships,sheknewtheimportanceoffamilyandhowtocareforit.

OnemoreresponsibilitythatIhadgivenherwastoneithercallmeupafter10p.m.,nortalktomeifatallIhappenedtocallherupafterthattime.ThereasonwasthattheCATexamwascloseandIwantedtodevotethree-fourhoursadayforpreparation.

So,wetookavow,albeitreluctantly.

‘TilltheCATisover,wewillnottalktoeachotherafter10p.m.,’Isaid.

‘…Andthisrulewillonlybefollowedonweekdays,’sheaddedherclause,reasoningthaton

weekendswehavesurplustimetoprepareanddidn’tneedtomakeourlivestougherbynottalkingtoeachother.

‘Okbaba.Nowrepeatafterme,’Isaid.

‘InthenameofGod,I,Ravin…’Ipausedforhertorepeatafterme.

‘InthenameofGodmyShonaandI,Khushi…’AndIfeltsogoodforthe‘myShona’inher

statement.Inside,Ifeltlikekissingheronemoretimeforthesesmallbutwonderfulthingssheoftendidforme.Outside,Iwentaheadwithmyvow.

‘…takeavowthat…’‘…takeavowthat…’‘…wewillnotcalleachotheronweekdaysafter

10p.m.,unlessthereissomekindofemergency…’

‘…wewillnotcalleachotheronweekdaysafter10p.m.,unlessthereissomekindof

emergency…andevenifthereisnoemergencybut,somehow,Iamnotabletosleep,Iwillonlycallyouforfiveminutes,’sheaddedanotherclausetothevow.

‘Whatisthis…?’Iasked,andlaughed.Notbeingabletoholdbackmyloveforher,Ikissedher.Oneafteranother,thosekissesflewallthewaytoherplace,bypassingsomanymobiletowersandsatellites.

Khushimademeenjoyeverymomentofmylife: thegood, thebad, thechallenging.Shemadethemallsimplywonderful.

Thefirstweek,itwasquitetoughtoabidebyourvowbut,somehow,wemanaged.Thetruthwasthat,becauseofthisvow,theurgetotalktoeachother,especiallyafter10atnight,increasedevenmore—itishumantendencytodesirewhatisprohibited.Andduringourmorningcalls,werealizedthatnightwassuchabeautifultimetotalktoeachother.

‘Talkingatnightusedtobesoromanticna?’sheaskedinhercute,innocentvoiceonemorning.‘Imissthemsomuch.ThisdecisionmakesmefeellikeI’vestruckmyfootwithanaxe,bymistake,’Isaid.

‘Nodear,it’snotlikeyou’vestruckyourfootwithanaxe,’shestartedpolitely,thensuddenly

shouted,‘Ratheryourfootwantedtolickthataxeand,willingly,youjumpedonasharpenedone,thattoobarefoot!Nowenjoyyourwounds.’Shewasfuming.

Butnothingcouldbedone.Promisesaremeanttobekept,andwebothknewwehadtokeepthisone.

Soon,theweekendnightcameandweweredesperatetotalktoeachother.

Night!Nightisreallyabeautifultimetotalk,forlove-birds.Parentsareasleepbythen.Siblingsunderstandwhytheyshouldnotdisturbyou.Andyou?Holdingyourcellphone,youarealoneinyourbedroom,lyingonyourcosybedinyourshortsandacomfortableT-shirt,withthelightsdimmed.Whichmeans,youarecompletelywiththepersonyouaretalkingto.

‘HiShona,’shesaid.

Therewassomethingdifferentinher‘hi’thatnight.Somethingpassionate,somethingI’drarelyfeltbefore.

‘Hihoney,’ I respondedcalmly,andwebegan talking. I rememberhowgoodwe felt talking toeachotheratnightaftersolong,thoughithadjustbeenaweek.Alittlelater,shewastellingmeaboutherfriend’sengagementand,inashortwhile,shewastalkingaboutwhatourengagementwouldbelike.

‘Theengagementwillbeatourpremises,andIwillbewearingasarithatevening.Youknow,why?CozIlookstunninginasari,’sheansweredherquestion,beforeIcould.‘Aha…Chalo,inthatcase,IwanttoseemyShonimoniinasarithatevening.’‘Itwillbeoneofthebesteveningsofmylife.Iwillbestandingbesidemyfiancée,amidsomanypeople.Icantouchyou,holdyourhandinfrontofeveryoneandnobodywillsayanything,’shesaid.‘Iamdyingforthateveningtocome.ThenIwillholdyourhandandwewilldancetothemusic,in

frontofeverybody.IwantmyfriendstobejealousbecauseIpossessyou,’Isaiddreamingofthatdaysoontocome.

‘And,ineverybody’spresence,oureyeswillbetalkingtoeachother.

Thoseunsaidwordswhichwillbeheardveryclearlybythem.Whenyouwilllookintomyeyes,youwillunderstandwhatIamfeeling,thatverymoment,gazingatyou.’

‘Andwhenthepeoplewillbebusyhelpingthemselvestothefood,myeyeswillaskyoutocomeupstairs,totheterrace.AndIwillmakemywaytothestaircaseandheadupwards.’‘Andmyeyeswilltellyoutogoonahead,andatthefirstopportunity,Iwillsoonescape,sayingIhavetogotowashroom,’shesaid,inthatgirlish,mischievoustone.

‘Iwillbeontheterrace,standingjustbehindthedoorwherethestaircasetotheterraceends.’

‘YouwillhearmyankletsandmybanglestinklingasIcomeupthestairstothedarkterrace,’shesaid,slowly.

‘Butyouwon’tknowthatIamstandingbehindthedoor,’Iwhispered.

‘AndIwillpushthedoorandgostraightahead,’shetoostartedwhispering.‘Themomentyougotwostepsahead,Iwillgrabyoufrombehind.’

Idon’tknowwhatwashappeningtous.Wasitthefruitofspendingthoseweeknightswithouttalkingtoeachother,orsomethingelse?

Outside,ithadstartedraining,addingtothesensationofthemoment.Icouldheartherain

spatteringontheground,andthecoldbreezeblewopenthewindowsandcameintomyroomthatnight.

‘Shona!’shecriedmynamewithpleasure.

‘Andgrabbingyoufrombehind,Iwilltakeyouandlockyouinmyarms.’Iclosedmyeyes.And

maybe she did the same when she said, ‘Shona!’ again, very slowly, full of love, taking a deepbreath.‘AndwithmyhandIwillbringyourlonghairinfrontofyourleftshoulderandIwillbringmyfaceveryclosetoyourneckontheright,withmyotherhandplayingonyourbarewaist…’

ItriedtokeepmyemotionsincheckbecauseIdidnotwanttoscaremysweethearttoomuch,soearly.Shedidn’tsayanythingforawhile,butourbreathsweregettinglouder.Myownheartwaspoundinginsidemewithpleasure.

‘Andthen?’shefinallyasked.Iunderstoodherstateofmind,theripples,thetroughsandcrestsinherheart.But,aboveall,shewantedtoenjoythatmomentwithme.

AndIansweredher,‘Andthenyouwillfeelmylipsbehindyourrightear,onyourneck.’‘Mmm,’shemurmured,breathingheavily.

‘Iamfeelingsomethingsodifferentatthismoment.Areyou?’Iaskedherverysilently.‘Yes,somethingverydifferent.Whatareyoufeeling?’

‘Withyouinmyarms,Iamabletosmellthecolognethatyouarewearing,yoursweetfemininefragrance.Ifeelmylipskissingyourshoulderandgoingdownyourback,lickingtheslightestsweatadheringtoyou…’Bythistime,evenmyvoicehadstartedshaking.Iaskedher,‘Tellme,whatareyoufeeling?’

‘Ifeel…’shewasstrugglingtocompletehersentenceandIcouldstillhearherbreathloudandclear.

Shehesitated.Iwaited.

‘I…Ifeel,’shepausedandthentriedagain,‘Ifeelasifyouarehypnotizingme,castingamagicspellthatIdon’twanttocomeoutof.’

Shewasbreathingfasternow,shivering.Herpassionatevoicewasstimulatingmefurther.‘Nowmyotherhandismovingonyourwaist.Andthen…’Ipaused.

‘Andthen…?’sheinsistedIgoon.

‘Andthen,allofasudden,ithasstartedraining,’Ibroughttherainfromoutsidemywindowintooursweetdream.

‘Mmm…Andthen…?’

Veryslowly,Iwhispered,‘Andthen,Ihaveturnedyoutowardsme.Wearewetfromtherain.Iamwatchingyouinyourwetsariwhichisstickingtoyourbody.Iamseeingtheraindropsfallingonyourforehead,runningdownyournoseandhangingonyourlipsforawhilebeforerunningfurtherdownyourbody.Strandsofyourwethairaregluedtoyourcheek.’

‘Andthen…?’Shestartedwhisperingagain.

‘Youare lookingdown, somewhereonmy shirt, too shy to look intomyeyes. I am raisingyourchin,tohelpyoulookintoandreadmyeyeswhicharestaringatyou.’

‘A…n…d…t…h…e…n…?’shewashardlyabletospeakanymoreandwaslosingherwords.

‘Withourheadstiltedslightly,mylipsfeeltheraindropsstickingtoyourlips,swallowingthem,furtherdiscoveringthesoftnessofyourlips…’AndthatpassionatekisswhichIdescribedtoherlastedforquiteawhile.Thatwasthefirst time,Ifelt,sheallowedmetocrossafewboundaries.Milesapartfromeachother,wefelteachandeveryshiverofthatmoment.

Wewerelostineachotherwhen,suddenly,sheturnedmischievous.‘Hey!Peopledowntherewillbelookingforus.Ihavetorushbeforemyparentscomeupstairs,searchingforme,’sheshouted.Iwonderhowshecollectedherenergyand,morethanthat,howsherememberedthefakepeopleinthefakerain,onthatfakeengagementnight(thoughitwastocometrue,inafewmonths).‘Aah!Thepeopledowntherewillbehappywiththeirfood,’Itriedtoconvinceher.‘Nah…please.Comeondear,nowopenyourarms.Wehavetogoandchangeourclothesbeforetheyseeus,’sheurged,laughingatthevirtualrealitywewerein.

‘Ok.Butononecondition.’

‘Andwhat’sthat?’

‘Iwanttoseeyouwhileyouchange.’

‘Oh…ho…ho…tumheunglikyapakdaai, tum topurahaathpakdnachahteho.Zyaadagalatfehmiyaanmatpaalo,’shewarnedmewithalittlelaugh.

‘Haathpakdna?Notjustthehand,Iwanttoholdallofyou!’Iresponded.Itriedhardtoconvinceher,butshedidn’tallowme,eventhoughitwasonlymakebelieve.

Thatnight,wesleptquitelate.No,itwasn’tnight.Iguessitwasclosetosunrisewhenwefinallyhungup.

Istaredatmycellphoneand,risingfrommybed,Iwalkedtothewindow.Inoticedthattherainhadstoppedbythen.Iwastiredandhungry,soIpickedupanapplefromthekitchenand,munchingonit,Ilaydownonmybed.ThenIwentoverourconversationagain,overallthathadhappened,everydetail…Idon’tknowwhenIfellasleepandstarteddreaming…

Thenextmorningwasbeautiful,with the sunraysbouncing intomy room through thewindow.Themorningsafterarainynightarereallypleasant.Withmyeyespartiallyopen,Ismiledtomyself,

recallingthepreviousnight.Imanagedtopullmyselfup,satonthebedandturnedtoseemyselfinthemirror,stillsmiling.ThenIaskedmyreflection,‘Stillinherhangover,haan?’Andwhatanightitwas.Ifahypotheticalkisscouldgivesomuchapleasure,whatwouldapracticalonebelike,Iwondered.ThenIdecidedtocallherup—toteaseherforallsheendedupdoingthenightbefore.

Shepickedup thephone inher sleepandasked, ‘Merababyuthgaya?’‘Aah…Youkillmewhenyoutalksosweet.’

‘Really?’

‘Hmm…’

‘ButIamstillsleepyandwanttoreturntomydreamsagain,’shesaid.

Mischievously,Ishoutedather,‘Sleep?Iamheretowakeyouup!Doyouevenrememberwhatallyousaidtoaguylastnight?Imean,Iwonderhowyoucouldbesoopenandbold,forcingmetosayallthat.Youknow,Iwasstrugglingtogetovertheembarrassment.Ineverthoughtyouwouldcrossalltheboundariesofshyness,ethicalvalues…’

Ihadnotyetfinishedmyspeechwhenshewokeupcompletelyandshoutedbackatme,‘Aaye-haye…haye…Youguys!Howcunningyouare,myGod!Allyouboysarealike.Thelinesyousaidjustnowshouldbemineactually.YoustolemylinesjustbecauseIwassleepy.Youcrossedallyourboundariesandpulledmetotheothersideaswell.Howcouldyoudothat?Youguysplaysosmartwithinnocentgirlslikeme…’

‘Hey,’Isaid,interrupting,tryingtocalmherdown.Butshekeptgoinglikeanoppositionparty’srepresentativeonNDTV’sBigFight.

‘…Allyouguysarelikechameleons,changingyourcolourwhenrequired…You…’AndIwastryingtorecallwhereIhadheardaboutchameleons.

ProbablyinBiology.Wasitsomekindofflowerwhichchangedcolouratnightandreturnedtoitsoriginalcolourinthemorning?Ithinkitwassomethingelse.Iwasn’tthatgoodwithBio.Keepingthechameleonatbay,Itriedtointerruptagain,‘Achchababa,listentome.’‘…Andonlyyouboyswanttotalklikethis,wegirlsnever…’Shewasnotthroughyet.‘Hey,Khushi…’Isaid,butshewascompletelyignoringme.‘…Andyouknowwhat?Allyouboys…’

‘OKENOUGH!’Ishouted,‘YOUKNOWWHAT?THATHALFANHOURLASTNIGHTISSOPRECIOUSTOME,THATIAMREADYTODIEAHUNDREDDEATHSTOENJOYTHATAGAINWITHYOU…ANDJUSTYOU.’Thistime,sheheardeverywordloudandclear.Icontinued,‘Becauseitwassosweet,soloving,andsobeautiful.AndIamsohappythatyoutrustmeenoughtoallowmetogetsoclosetoyou.AndIwanttosaythat…Iloveyousomuch.’Andshemeltedlikeanice-creaminsummer.

‘Sachhi?’Herinnocent,sweetvoicewascalmnow.

‘Muchhi.Iwillwaitforourengagementeveningtocometruethisway.Justmakesurethatyoudon’tputonalotoflipstick.’

‘Shutup,’shesaidshyly.

AlldayIwaitedfortheconfirmationofnewswhichwouldhavebeengood,ifithadbeenatanothertime.Unfortunately,IgottheconfirmationandIhadtotellherandmyfamilytoo.Iwonderedifshewouldbehappywhenshefoundout,orsad.

Still,withoutthinkinganyfurther,Icalledheruptotellher.Whenshedidnotpickherphone,Igotbacktomystudies.Fiveminuteslater,Iheardmycellphoneringing.Icouldseehernameflashingonthescreen.

Ipickedup thephoneand said, ‘Hi, Jaaaaaaaaaan,’ very romantically,with a small kiss.‘Uh…Hi.’

Damn!ItwasNeeru,heryoungersister.Whatablunder.WhatshouldIsaynow?ShouldItalkorshouldIjustdisconnect?Iwaspanicking.WiththekindofimageIhadprojectedtoherfamily,thatfirstlinewouldhavebeenashockforsure.

‘Howareyou?’Neeruaskedme,breakingthesilence.

‘Uh…Iamfine.Howareyou?Andhowcomeyoucalledupfromhercell,’Iasked,scratchingmyheadandwonderingwhethershehadn’theardmypreviouslinebecauseofsomechamatkaarorduetosomefaultinthephoneorthenetwork.

‘Iamfine.Actually,KhushiwasinthewashroomandIwasabouttotakeyourcallwhentheringstopped.SoIdialedthemissed-callnumber.Well,heresheis,backinthisroom.Andnowsheisstrugglingwithmetosnatchhercellphone…’andhervoicefadedintothebackground.

Finally,Khushisaid,‘Haan…Hello,’defendingherselffromhersister ’spunches.Neeruwantedtotalktome,anditwasprobablytheonlytimewhenIfeltuncomfortabletalkingtoher,justbecauseofthewaythecallstarted.

‘Hey,thankGodyoucame,’Isaidtoher.

‘Shona,ekminute,’shepausedwith thatsentencetohearsomethingwhichNeeruwastryingtotellherattheotherend.That‘ekminute’lastedforfiveminutesandIrealizedhowwrongIwastothinkofanychamatkaar.

‘What?’Khushishouted,amused,andlaughedcrazily.

‘Hi,merijaan!’Neerushoutedfrombehindandjoinedhersister ’s laughter.‘OHMYGOD!’Ithought,feelingveryembarrassed.

ButKhushididn’tcometomydefence.Rather,shejoinedhersisterincelebratingthatmoment.

‘Damn!’Ithought.‘Herlittlesistertalkedtomeasifshedidn’thearanythingandlookathernow.Girls!’Inowrememberedwhatachameleonwas,andthoughttheanalogysuitedgirlsevenbetter—theychangecolourssofast.

SothatwashowIbecameajokeforthetwosisters.

IalmostforgotthereasonIhadcalledher,whenKhushicamebackatlast,takingabreakfromherlaughter.

‘Yeah…Tellmenow.She’sgonetoanotherroom.’

‘Yoursisterissocunning.Shebehavedasifshedidnothearanything.’‘Afterall,she’smysister!’

‘NowIwon’tbeabletofaceherforthenextfewdays.’

‘Ohcomeon!Afterallyouareherjiju,andsuchthingskeephappeningbetweenjijuandsaali.’

‘But,thenexttime,Iwon’tbeginwithromanticlines,unlessImakesureit’syouonphone.’‘Okbaba,nowtellme.Whatwereyougoingtosay?’

Afterasmallpause,Isaidinasinglego,‘IneedtogototheUSforfourweeks,formyproject.’‘What?’Actuallyitwasmorelike,‘W-H-A-T?????’Asinglewordwithathousandthoughtsrunningthroughit,allindifferentdirections.

‘Yes.’

‘Whysosuddenly?’sheaskedimpatiently.

‘Iknewthatthisthingwasinthepipeline.ButIwastryingtoavertitfortheCATinNovember.Thereisn’tanyescapefromthisnow.’

‘But…youcanmakeanyhighpriorityexcuse,right?’

‘Hmm…Butit’sgoingtomatterformycareertoo,dear.Listen.Pleasedon’tgetangry.Atthis

point,IamalittleconfusedabouthowIwilldothis.Imean,leavingtheIMSclasses,themock-tests.Ineedyoursupport.’

‘IMS,mock-tests,career…Youremembereverything,butwhataboutme?Busyinouroffice,

careerandIMSclasses,wehavenotevenseeneachotheryet.Oursissuchadifferentstory…Andnowyou’resayingyouaregoingtotheStates…’Shewasabouttocry.

‘Hey…ButIhavesomethingtocheeryouup.’

‘Whatisit?’

‘IwillbeboardingmyplanefromNewDelhi.I’lltakeaday’sleavesothatIcanspendanentiredaywithyou.We’llfinallybeseeingeachother!Isn’tthatsomethingtocheerupabout?’EvenIknewthatitwasn’ttheperfectwaytocheerherup—spendinganentiredaywithherandthenleavingthecountryformorethanamonth.Butthefactthatwewouldgettospendanentiredaywitheachothergavesomecomforttoourhearts.Itwasnotasifwehadanyoptionotherthaneagerlywaitingforthatdaytoarriveandthentryingtomakeitlastaslongasayear.Whatwassurprising,though,wasthatanofficial,on-sitetripwasgivingustheopportunitytoseeeachotherfortheveryfirsttime.Attimes,wewonderedhowbusyourlifewas:runningfromofficetoIMS,fromcareertofamily,butwithnotimetoseethepersonwithwhomweweregoingtospendtherestofourlives.

Everypassingdaywasmarked.Andas timepassed,our feelingsgot stronger.Theexcitementwasincreasing,both, in themindand in theheart.Andfinally, thedayarrivedwhenwemeteachotherfortheveryfirsttime.

Itisahot,stickySundayafternoon.Wearewatchingthesamemovieonourtelevisions:she,inFaridabad;I,inBhubaneswar.AndIamdoingthisbecauseshesentmeanSMS,tellingmetowatchit.

Inthemovie,theheroineispackingherbagsafterhavingabigfightwithherhubby.

Atthisverymoment,Khushicallsmeup.Andputtingherselfinthatwoman’sshoes,Idon’t

understandwhy,shesays,‘Youknowwhat?IfsomedayIamsoangrythatIwanttorunawayfromyou…justdoasimplething…’

Idon’tsayanything,butshecontinues.

‘Simplyrun tomeandgivemea tighthug,nomatterhowmuchIhityou then.Butgivemeawarm,tighthug.Don’tsayaword.Justholdmeinyourarmsforsometime…And,alittlelater,helpmeinunpackingmybags.Bolokarogena?’

Face-to-Face

Itwas2.30intheafternoonandIwasonanairbusfromBhubaneswartoDelhi.Firstrow,windowseat.Ijustlovegettingwindowseats.

Withmyofficiallaptoponmylap,Iwasn’tworkingextrahoursandmakingInfyproudofme.Rather,IwasgoingthroughherpictureswhichI’dmanagedtodownloadattheverylastminutebeforeleavingfortheairport.

Duringthejourney,Igaveplentyofreasonstotheairhostessesandmyfellowpassengerstothinkthattherewassomethingwrongwithme.Or,tobeprecise,withmybrain.Whenyouseeaguytalkingtohislaptop,attimeslookingoutsideattheclouds,smiling,thenlookingatthescreenagainandsmilingonemoretime—youcannotbeblamedforfeelingthathistopfloormightbevacant.Irememberthediscomfortoftheairhostesswhenshecaughtmesmilingatmylaptopwhileshewasdeliveringthesafetydemo.Sheprobablyhatedmebecausethedemowassupposedtobeinsyncwiththeannouncementbyhercolleague,andshewaslaggingbehind.Butwhoaskedhertofocusonme?Ididn’t.

OnmycomputerscreenGazingatherpicture

I found myself falling with the rising heightsFallinginLovewithher

Couldn’t resistsaying—IloveyouThemadnessadded

Whenthepicturesaidittoo

IfyouaskmewhyIwasblushingandsmiling,Ihadplentyofanswersforthat.Enjoyingthecandies(servedbythesameairhostess),IwasrecallinghowKhushigavemeacalllastnightastheminutehandjustmovedpast12a.m.andweenteredthefirstminuteofanewday—today.

‘Youaregoingtocometometodayyyyy,’sheshouted

‘OhBoy! I amgoing crazzzyyyyyyyy,’ I also shouted, jumping inmybalcony, stirring thecalmmidnight.

IguessIwokeupsomeofmyneighbors,anddisturbedsomewhowereabouttoorgasm.Acoupleofstreetdogscameoutofthedarknessandstartedbarkingatme.IrushedbackintomyroomwhenIsawthelightsturnoninafewflatsinthebuildingnexttomine.

Laughingatlastnight’seventsandstillenjoyingmycandies,IrecollectedhowconfusedIwasthatmorningaboutwhattowear.Ipulledouteverythingfrommyclosetthatmorningandtrieditallinfrontofthemirror.Itookalmostanhourtodecideand,then,changedagainjustbeforeIleftforthe

office.Thefunnything is that Iendedupwearing theonlyshirtwhichwasn’t ironed(alongwithdarkdenim).

EverythingIdidthatday,Imadeamessof.AndwhileIrecalledthosemoments,everynowandthenweirdthoughtswouldpopintomyhead—

What if she isn’t as beautiful as she appears in her pictures?Whatifshelaughsinaveryweirdway?

Whatifshelimps?

—andmanyothersuchthoughtsplayedhideandseekinmymind,untilIfinallyaskedmyselfthebigquestion.

Doyouloveher,Ravin?

Holy shit!Of course itwas too late tobe asking this.‘Yes,Ido.OfcourseIdo,’Isaidtomyself.

Well,tobehonest,Iactuallyforcedmyselftosayit.Idon’tknowwhyIwasalittleapprehensive.But, good or bad, the truth was that marrying her wasmy independent decision, one that I hadarrivedatwithoutanykindofpressurefrommyfamilyorfromher.

So,tosilencethoseweirdthoughts,Ipulledoutanewspaperfromthesmallrackinfrontofmy

seat.ButIcouldnotconcentrateonthenewspapereither.Therewasadifferentkindofexcitementinmewhichwassendingupachillinsideme,shakingmeabitattimes.Idon’tknowwhatkindoffearitwas.

ThenervousnessandanxietymeantIwasgoingtothelooeverytwentyminutes.Ibecameapeeingmachine.Ithappenstoeveryone…Ordoesn’tit?AndIwassurethatthekidonthelastseatwascountingthenumberoftimesIpassedbyhim.Ipretendedtoignorehimwhenhestartedwhisperinginhismom’sear.Ofcoursehewastellingheraboutme.Inoticedhishandpointingatme,whichhismompulledback,smiling.

Finallyat5intheevening,theplanelandedatDelhiandIswitchedonmymobilecompletely

ignoringthecaptain’scommandtonotdosobeforeinstructed.WhiletheplanewastakingaU—turnontherunway,Ilookedoutofthewindowtoseeiftherewasanygirlwavingtowardsmyplane—itcouldbeher!(Now,IwonderhowIcouldhavebeensosillyastoexpectvisitorsontherunway.)

Iwastryingtocallherupbut,forsomereason,mycellphonecouldnotadaptitselftotheroamingzone.Ikepttrying,cursingmyphoneandthenetwork.Ikepttryingandkeptfailing.Afewminuteslater,Iwasstandingatthebaggageclaimsection,waitingformyluggagetoarrive.Butmyeyeswerenotontheconveyorbelt.Theywerelookingforsomethingelse,rathersomeoneelse.Hereandthere,Iwaslookingateverygirl,andpeeringatthecrowdstandingoutsidewhichwasvisiblethroughtheglasswall.

ThenIsawmyredbagglidingtowardsmeonthebelt.Butbeforeitcouldreachme,shereachedme.

Onmyphone.

MycellwasworkingnowandIheardthering.‘Khushicalling,’itsaid.Itookhercall.‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’

Silence.

‘So.’AndIturnedback,facingtheexit.

‘So.’

‘Whatso?’

‘Imean,whereareyou?’

Shehadneverseemedsoshyandsilent.Icouldalmosthearherblushing.Obviously,herstateofmindwasnodifferentfrommine.Andhowcoulditbe?Twopeople,whoweremadlyinlovewitheachotherandhaddecidedtomarryeachother,weregoingtoseeeachotherforthefirsttimeintheirlife!

‘Iamatthebaggageclaimsection,’Isaid.And,withthat,Inoticedmybaggoingawayfromme.‘Damn!Imissedit.’

‘Whatdidyoumiss?’

‘Myluggage.IstartedtalkingtoyouandImissedit.’

‘Uh-oh.’ShepausedwhileIkeptmyeyesontheconveyorbelt.Thenshespokeagain,‘CanIaskyousomething?’

‘What?’

‘Areyounervous?’‘Howdoyouknow?’

‘Because… even I am,’ she confessed. Then she said, ‘Ok! Tell me, what are you wearingtoday?’‘Olive-greenshirtanddark-bluejeans.You?’

‘OhmyGod!’

‘Whathappened?’I thoughtshedidn’t like thecolourIwaswearing.‘Itlooksgoodonme.’

‘No,no.It’snotaboutgoodorbad.’‘Then?’

‘Iamalsowearingolive-greenandbluejeans.’

Coincidencesseemedalwaystobefollowingus.Ourbirthplace,themonth,theyear,ourinterestinmusic,ourcareer,IMS.Andnow,theclotheswewerewearingthatday.

‘Amazing!Wearedefinitelymadeforeachother.Hey!Myluggageiscomingtomeagain.I’mgoingtopickitupandcomeoutsideintwominutes.Seeya!’

Imademywaythroughthebrokenqueuetogetmybag,andloadingitonatrolley,Iwalkedtowardstheexit.Thelaptopwasstillhangingonmyshoulder.

Finallyabouttoseeher,Iwasanxious,shiveringandmyheartwasbeatingfast.Everyfemininevoicefromthecrowdseemedtobehers.Ofcourse,IwastryingtobehaveasifIwasrelaxedandcool.

‘Relax…Relax…Relax.Takeadeepbreath,’Itoldmyself.AndthenextthingIknow,Iwasalreadyoutside.

Therewerealotofpeopleinfrontofme,waitingfortheirdearones.Somecabdrivers,holdingupnameplatesfortheirbosses.Therewasalotofshoutingandnoisefromthetraffic.Then,forsomereason,Istoppedmovingforwardandturnedleft.

Andthereshewas!

Myangel,mybeautifulone.

Hersmilewhichtriedtooverridemysenses.Thatchillinghesitationinher,andinme.Herlong,untiedhairthatfelluponhereyeswithagustofwind.Herhandmovingacrossherface,andmovingherhairbehindherleftear.Herleftear,andtheglitteringsilverearringshewaswearing.Herbeautifulface,whichmesmerizedme.Andinthatgreen,off-shouldertopandjeans,herbodyappearedsoperfect,soyoung,sopoised.Shewascharismatic.Iwasn’tabletotakemyeyesoffher.Rather,Iwantedtostareatherfromtoptobottom,veryslowly—whichIactuallydid.‘Thisisher,’Itoldmyself.‘Sheismine.’

ThatwasawonderfulmomentwhichIhavere-livedagainandagain,recallingthatfirstsight.

Imovedtowardsherwithasmile,almostforgettingmytrolley.Andinafewseconds,thereIwas,rightinfrontofher,afootapart,stillnotabletotakemygazeoffher.

‘Hey,’Isaid,offeringmyrighthandforashake.

‘Hi,’sheresponded,politelyandinsuchanelegantway,touchingmeforthefirsttimewiththat

handshake.(DidyouhearwhatIsaid?Thefirsttimewetouched…Itwasmagical!)

Andhereyes…Sobeautiful!Therewassomethingspecialinthem.Somethingwhichdidn’tletmelookaway.Iwantedtohearwhattheyweretellingme.Thefeeling,thetruthofthemoment,the…the…Idon’tknowwhatitwas.

Ilooked,andmyeyeswerestuckonyou

Itriedtomovetheblackinthem,buttheywerestucklikeglue

Lookingatyouforreal,Inoticedyoureyes

That’sexactlywhereyourentirebeautylies

Sogenuine,sohonest,sobeautiful,sodeep

Withaglintoflight,somenaughtinessdidcreep

Findingmydreamcomingtrue

IpleadedmyshiveringlipstobringoutthewordsIhadkeptforyouThereweresomanythingstosay

Icanremembernoneofthematall

But,Idon’tlosewiththat,Idothingsmyownway…

‘…AndthisismysisterNeeruandheisGirish—herbestandonlyfriend,’shebrokemygazeand

thoughtstointroducemetotwootherpeople.IwonderedhowIdidn’tnoticethemstandingbesideus.WasIsolostinher?Undoubtedly,Iwas.

Isaidhellotobothofthem,crackingsomejokestoeasethesweetpressurewhichKhushiandI

werefeeling.Thenwemovedoutoftheexitchanneltowardstheparkinglotinsearchofthecabtheseguyshadcometotheairportin.KhushiwastooshytowalkwithmeandshejoinedNeeruandGirishinlookingforthecab.Ifollowedatadistance,withmytrolley.Myconditionwasnodifferentfromher.

IwroteheraveryshortSMS,then,‘Youaredamnhot!’

The next moment I saw her coming towards me from the other side of the exit, looking atsomethingonhercellphone,probablyreadingmySMS.

Whenshereachedme,shesmiled.

‘Thanks,’shesaid.

‘Ilovethis.Whateverishappening.Theexcitement,theanxiety.Andseeingyou,’Isaid.

And in her shyness, she turned away, her hair falling across her eyes again. Her completeattentionwasuponme,yetshewastryingtoescapemygaze.

‘Hey.AmImakingsense?OramIbeingstupid?’Iasked.

Shelaughedandturnedbacktome.Shehadalotofteeth.‘Noyou’remakingsense,actually.It’sthesamewithme,’shesaid,smiling.

Soon,NeeruandGirishappeared,pointingatthecabwhichwascomingtowardsus.ItbecameclearthatIwasexpectedtostepintothecabfirst,andbecauseofthisIpanicked.WhereshouldIsit?Iaskedmyself.Intheback,withher?ButwillitlookgoodifIsitbetweenthetwosisters,pushingGirishtothefront?ShouldIsitinfront,then?OrshouldIsitintheback,butontheleft,withGirishinmiddleandKhushiattheright.Andhersisterwiththedriver?No.No.Whatamess!Somanypermutationsandcombinationstobesolvedinasecond.Itwasbeyondtheabilitiesofmybrain.Bettersitupfront,Ithought.Itwastheeasiestsolution.

AndinhasteandalarmIgotinbesidethedriver.‘Youfool.Whatisshegoingtothinkofyou?Whydidn’tyousitbehind,besideher?’mynot-so-talentedbrainshoutedatmetheverynextsecond.Damn!Iwasscrewingupthingswithmystupidity.Iwassittingapartfrommyowngirlfriend.Barelyaminutelater,Igotacallonmycell.Momcalling.

‘Shit!SheaskedmetocallherthemomentIlandedinDelhi.Iforgot,’ImurmuredasItookthecall.‘HaanjiMumma,Ijustcameoutoftheairport,’Isaidbeforesheaskedmeanything.‘Iknewyouwillforget.Nowtellme,’shesaid

‘Tellme?What?’Iasked,thoughIknewsheprobablyhadahundredquestionsforme,aboutKhushi,whichIcouldn’tanswerbecauseIwaswiththeminthecab.

Butshedidn’taskmeallthosequestions.Justone,whichsummarizedallofthem,‘So,areyou

happy?’

‘OhMom!Iam…Iamveryhappy,’Irepliedquietly,lookingoutsidethewindow.

‘Good.I justwantedtoknowthat. Iknowyouwon’twant to talk tomeat thismoment.Soyouguysenjoyandwewilltalklater.Allright?’

‘HaanjiMumma,theekhai.Iwillcallyoulater.Bye.’

Wewerenowonourwaytothehotel,whichIwastomoveintoforslightlymorethanadaybeforeIleftfortheUS.Ihadnoideawherethishotelwas,nordidthecabdriver.KhushiandGirishsaidtheydidbutbothwerepointinginoppositedirections.Inotherwordsnoonehadaclue.Butwemovedaheadthinkingwe’dsoonasksomebodyaboutthepreciselocation.

Whataneveningthatwas!Iwassittingbesidethedriverandbehindmewasmysweetheart,withNeeruinthemiddleandGirishonherright.Thesongselectionontheradioseemedtobeexceptionallygoodthatday—romanticsongsthatKhushiandIcouldrelateto—andwesatlisteningtothemwithoutsayinganything,butsmilingwithin.

Thesemomentsofsilenceonlyaddedtothebeautyofthesongs.Itriedtoseeherintherearviewmirrorbut,everytime,I’donlyfindGirish’sfunnyfaceandhewouldraisehiseyebrows,mocking

me.

Soon,however,ourformaldemeanorgavewaytoamorecasualoneandwestartedtalkingabouteachother,attimespullingeachother ’sleg,recallingsomestupidincidentsoutoftheblueandspicingthemupaswenarratedthem.KhushibecameaneasytargetforbothNeeruandGirishandtheymimickedherembarrassmentthatday,beforeseeingme.Wewereshoutingandpartyinginthecabwiththepattiesandthepastriestheyhadbrought.

‘Yehlo,ladkivaalonkitarafse,’Girishsaidofferingmetheboxofpastries.

Wewereinajollymoodand,addingtothedelight,itstarteddrizzlingoutside.Shouting,laughing,goingcrazytothosepeppynumbers,wewerehavingagalatimeinthecab.Onafewoccasions,secretly,shepinchedmefrombehind,andIjustlovedthat.

Formorethananhourandahalf,wehuntedformyhotelonthestreetsofDelhi.And,morethananybody(evenme),Khushiwasconcernedaboutthis.Accordingtoher,Iwastiredfrommyjourneyandneededsomerest,butIwonderedwhyIdidn’tfeelthatway.

Itwasaround7.30intheeveningwhenwefinallyreachedtheQutubDinhotel,inthevicinityoftheQutubMinar,thankstothechaiwalasandpaanwalas.Weallenteredthehoteland,atthereception,Icheckedoutmybooking.

‘Roomno.301.Thatway,sir.Theboywillbringyourluggagein,’saidamanwithahugemoustache,atthereceptioncounter.

‘Allright,’Isaidandweallheadedtowards301,everyonefollowingme.

NeeruandGirishweretalkingtoeachotherinwhisperswhenKhushisaidsomethingtome,verypolitely

‘Canyouwalkalittleslower?You’veleftmebehind.’

AndIrealizedwhypeoplesaythatgirlsarefarmorematurethanguys.Iwasafool,earlier,

leavingheronthebackseatofthecabandtakingthefrontone.Andhere,again,Iwaswalkingalone,leavingherbehind.Istartedpanicking,notknowinghowtohandlesuchsituations.Iwasaboyfriendforthefirsttime.Afresherintheschoolofromance.

‘God!Pleasehelpme,’Imutteredanddecelerated.

Shecameclosertomeandsaid,‘Nowyou’renotalone.Youhaveagirlinyourlife.Sowalkbesideher.’

Behindus,NeeruandGirishsmilednaughtily.

‘Won’ttheyleaveusaloneforawhile?’Ithought.Buthowcouldtheyhearmythoughts?Theykeptfollowingus.

Wewereat301.Iopenedthedoortomyroomandweallwentin.

Theroomwaswelllit.Asmalltable,withatelephoneandaflowervase,separatingthetwobeds.Nicebed-sheets.TherewasatelephonedirectoryandamenubesidetheTVset,acrossfromthebeds.Agiantmirroronthewallinfrontofuswhichreflectedtheentireroom,includingthosetwobedsandacupboardneartheentrance.Besidethemirror,therewasadoortothewashroom.‘Hmm…Thisisgood,’Iannounced.

‘Yeah’,‘Yup’,‘Hmm…’thepeoplesurroundingmemurmured.Then,Girishstartedhissurveyoftheroom,analysingeverythingandtellingmethegoodandthebad.

‘ThanksGirish,’Isaid,whenhehadfinished.‘Anytime,’heacknowledged.

AfterwhichIwantedtoaskhimjustonemorequestion—‘Sowhenareyougoingtoleaveusalone,forheaven’ssake!?’Instead,Ijustkeptmum,hopingmyeyeswoulddothetalking.AndNeerufinallyunderstoodthattheyshouldbetterleaveusaloneforawhile.ShewhisperedtoGirishandIdon’tknowwhatwasmakingthethreeofthemlookateachotherandsmile.Ihopedtheywerenotjokingaboutme.

‘Wearegoingtoanearbyplacetohavesomething.Ifyouguyswant,wecangetsomethingforyou,’Girishsaid,movingtowardsthedoorwithNeeru.

‘No.I’mstuffed,’Isaid.‘Wow!Atlast,’Ithought.

‘Girish,ifweneedsomething,Iwillcallyouup.AndtakecareofNeeru.Don’tleaveheralone,allright?’Khushisaid,openingtheBisleribottleplacedonthetable.

‘Yes,Iwill.Youdon’tworry.Bytheway,it’s8.30now.WeshouldleaveDelhiby9sothatwecanreachFaridabadbyabout10.15.

We’realreadylate,youknowna?’

‘Yeah. But don’t worry, we will manage,’ said Khushi.

‘Allright.Seeya.’

AndfinallytheylefttheroomandItookadeepbreathtorelax.

IwentandlockedthedoorwhileKhushitookalastsipofwaterfromthebottle.Shenoticedme

doingthatandsmiled,thenshekeptthebottleonthetableandmylaptopbagonthechair.Isteppedbetweenthetwobedsandsatontheleftone.Shecameinandsatontherightone,justinfrontofme.Weweretogether,justthetwoofus.Oursmilesdescribedourmood.

Thatmomentseemedtobeabeautifuldream.Wewantedtofeelandlivethatmomentforever.ThepersonwithwhomIwasgoingtospendtherestofmylifewasrightinfrontofme.Icouldlookintoherbeautifuleyes,Icouldtouchher,feelher.Thedelightofthatmomenthadbothofusspellbound.Wordswereunnecessary.Istaredatherforalongtime.Andwhenshecouldnothandlemygaze,shelookedattheground,hernecktiltingdownandstrandsofherbeautifulhairfallinginfrontofhershoulder,coveringherrightcheekandear.

Andthesilenceintheroompersisted,andtherewewere,madlyinlove.Stillnotbelievingthat,finally,wehadseeneachother.Stillnervous,stillwonderingwhattosay.Gatheringhercourage,shelookedup,intomyeyes(whichwerestillfocusedonher)andmovingherhairbehindherearagain,sheasked,‘Safarmeinkoitakleeftonahihui?’Comingasitdid,aftermorethanfiveminutesofsilence,thatquestionsoundedhilarious.ItremindedusbothoftheoldBollywoodmoviesinwhichtheheroinewouldaskherbeloved,‘Suniyeji,aapkesafarmein…’andallthat.Beforeshecouldseemyreaction,sheunderstoodwhatastupidandstereotypicalquestionitwas,andwelookedateachotherandlaughedandlaughed,fallinguponourrespectivebeds.Butthatquestionalsobecameanicebreakerandwebothrelaxed.‘Hahahaha!Yeah,Imean,nahikoitakleefnahihui,’Isaid,gettingup.‘Iamsostupid,’shesaid,slappingherforehead.

‘Nah,you’renot.Youare…beautiful,’Isaidcalmly,lookingintohereyes.

AndIdon’tknowwhatgavemethecouragetoraisemyrighthandtowardsher,toreachherface.Myfingersfirsttouchedhercheek,themiddlefingerfirst,thenthefirstfingerandthenallofthem,helpingherhairbehindherear.Thathumantouchwasincredible.Feelingmyfingersonherface,sheclosedhereyesandIfeltherbreathingheavilynow.Iwatchedher.Hergood-lookingface,thelinesonherforehead,appearingandvanishing.Hercurvedeyelashes.Hercutenose.Hersoftlips,whichIverygentlyrubbedmythumbon,andshestartedshaking,hereyesstillclosedandherhandsgrippingthebed-sheetverytight.Myeyeswerethesilentobserverstothismomentwebothwerein.Mymindwashypnotizedandfingerswerestilltryingtounderstandthebeautifulfacebeforeme.Occasionally,Ifeltherwarmbreathbreakingonmycoldfingers.

Myconsciousnessaskedmewhetherwhatwashappeningwasrealandthenitanswereditself—Iwasnotdreaming.Shewasreal.Shewaswithme.Deepinside,Ifeltsosatisfied,soblessedthatthemomentwhenmyangelwasinfrontofmehadfinallyarrived.

Wewerelost.Lostineachother.

‘Shonimoni,’Iwhisperedinherears,silently,gettingclosetoher,veryclose.Shewasstill

breathingheavilyandcouldn’tsayanything.‘Thisisawonderfulmoment.Ican’tbelievethis.Youarewithme…’

Imovedalmosttoherbed.

‘Shona!’shesaidandgrabbedmyhand.

Inawhile,veryslowly,sheopenedhereyesandlookedatmeandsmiled.Shewassohappy,sodelightedtohavemesoclosetoher.Andshekeptlookingatmeinthatway,forsometime.Raisinghereyebrowsslightlyandstillsmiling,sheaskedme,‘Tellme,howyouarefeelingatthisinstant,withme?’

Iputmyarmsaroundherandbitingherear,Isaid,‘Don’taskme.Iwon’tbeabletodescribeit.Ijustwanttosayonething…’Then,Iwhisperedinherear,‘Iammadlyinlovewithyou.’Withthat,Irestedmychinonhershoulder.

‘Iloveyoutoo,’shesaidandmovedherfingersallthewayfrommyforearms,tothewrist,thenthepalmandfinallyintothespacesbetweenmyfingers.Atthatmoment,Ifeltsocomplete.Irealizedhow,justlikeme,shetoowantedtolivethatmomentasifitshouldneverend.Iheldherinmyarmsforsometime.FromtheromanticmoviesIhadseentillthen,Iknewthatholdingyourbelovedinyourarmsthatwayissuchadifferentfeeling.Butthatitwouldbesomagical,Ineverknew.Tounderstandandbelievecertainthings,youhavetoexperiencethem.Andloveisonesuchthing.Hmmm…Actually,it’snotathing—it’salotmorethanthat.Wewerespeechlessagain,justfeelingeachother.Butwhoneededtotalk?Silencewastalkingatitsbest.Butthreateningthesilence,anotherthoughtcreptintomyheart,allofasudden…ShouldIkissher?And,withthat,thebattlebetweenmyheartandmindstarted.Heart:Yes.Mind:No.Heart:Whynot?Thisissuchaperfectmoment.IthinkIshould.Mind:Whatifshedoesn’tfeelgoodaboutit?Afterall,thisisjustyourfirstdate.Heart:ButwillIgetamomentlikethisagain?Tomorrow,herentirefamilywillbearoundus.Notime,then.AndthenextdayIhavetotakemyflight.Ishouldtakeachancerightnow…Mind:Chance?First,lookintothemirrorandaskyourselfifyoucandothisinthefirstdayitself?

Heart:Stopthatnonsense.Iamgoingahead.Mind:Goodluck.Heart:Thanks…Mind:Heywaitasec.Heart:Nowwhat?

Mind:Areyoucomfortable?Maybeyouwanttousetheloofirst…Ithelps,youknow.

Heart:Shutup!Now,thishappenstomemostofthetime.Sometimes,Ithink,Iamnottoostrong,mentally.Andthat’swhymyheartalwayswins.But,tobeveryhonest,Ijustlovethat.Ioxygenatedmylungswithadeepbreathandturnedheralmost180degrees.Wenowwerefacingeachother.Myarmswerestillaroundher,herhandswereonmyshoulders.Ilookedintohereyes.

Igrabbedher

LookedstraightintohereyesItoldher,Idothings

AndIdotheminmyownway.

Iwaspreparedtofeelsomethingfortheveryfirsttimeinmylifeand—Iwon’tlie—myheartbeats,atthatmoment,werefasterthanSchumacherinhisFerrari.Ilookedintohereyesanddrewclose.

Igrabbedher

Lookedstraightintohereyes

Withawink,Idrewherclose

Mylipsmoved,butthistimenottosay

Itoldher,Idothings

AndIdotheminmyownway.

Yes,itwasgoingtobemyfirsteverkiss…But!

But…HowIhatetothewordB-U-T.

ButfatehadtointerveneandGirish,playingdevil,calledheruponhercell.Theringtoneshatteredmyutopiaand,beforeIcouldreachherlips,shewantedtoanswerthecall.Andbeforeshecouldanswerthecall,shelookedattheclock.‘OhmyGod!It’s9!N-I-N-E!’shesaid,(no,shescreamed)andstretchedtoreachhercellphone.

‘It’sGirish,’shesaid,pressingtheanswerbutton.

While shewas talking toGirish, I collapsed on the bed in total dismay,wondering atGirish’ssenseoftiming.Howcouldhebesoperfect?Iwasfuminginside.

Allthewhile,shecontinuedwiththatcall:

‘Haanbolo.’

‘Yeah,Iknowwehavetoleave.’Sheturnedherbacktomeandwalkedtowardsthedoorwhichwaslockedfrominside.

‘No,wedon’twantanythingtoeat.’ShelookedbackatmeandgesturedwithherotherhandtoaskmeifIwashungry.

‘YesGirish,justfivemoreminutesyaar.’Sheclenchedandunclenchedherfist.

‘Arey,Iknowbaba.Isaidna,wewillmanage,’andshelookedatherselfinthemirror.

‘Nowwillyoupleasehangup?Pleaseeeee?’Sheturnedherbacktowardsthemirror.

‘Yeah,wewillbethereinfiveminutes.Allright?Byenow.’Andshecametome,disconnectingthecall.Shewaspanicking,allofasudden.

‘Shona!Ihavetoleave.Iamgettinglate.Mommustbeabouttocall.’

‘Hmm…Allright.Don’tworry,you’llbeontime.WhereareNeeruandGirish?’Itriedtocomfortherand,moreimportantly,toextinguishthefirethathadjustnowbeenburninginme.‘Atthereception,’sheanswered.

‘Ok.AndIguessyouguyswillbegoingbythesamecab,’Iasked,gettingupfromthebedandtakingasipofwaterfromthehalf-filledbottle.

‘Yes,thesamecab,’shesaid,gettingupandmovingtowardsthemirroragain.

Thenhercellphonerangagainand,again,itwasGirish.Ipickedupthecallthistime.‘Hey,Iguessyoushouldhurryup.Ithasstartedrainingagain,’hesaid.

ThoughIhatedhimatthatmoment,Istillsaid,‘Yes,justasecond.Wearecomingdown.Seeyouthere.’

Wewereabouttoleavethatroom,whenshescreamedonemoretime.‘Shit!Iforgotthis,’shesaid,lookingatthebigplasticbagswhichNeeruhadleftattheentrancetotheroom.Shequicklypickedthemupandsaid,‘Shona,thisisforyou.’‘Whatisthis?’

‘Openit.’

Ididwhatsheasked.Ablue-stripedshirtwithaParkAvenuetagandtwoties:one,blackwithwhitestripesinthemiddle;theother,steel-coloured.Iwassopleased.Agirlboughtsomethingforme…MyKhushiboughtsomethingforme.AndIsuddenlyrecalledacoupleofmanagersfrommyofficewhomIusedtosee,attimes,inshopsalongwiththeirwives,whowereselectingshirtsforthem.Ifeltgood,realizingallthosethingswerehappeningtomenow.Newthings,differentthings,beautifulthings.

‘Forme?’Iaskedher.‘No.Forthatfatcabdriver,’shetriedtoteaseme.‘Really?Youhadan

affairwithhimtoo?’Iteasedherback.‘Shutup,’sherespondedwithasmilebuthereyeswantedmetofearher.Thensheremindedme,‘Ihavetorushnow.Ithasstartedraining.’‘Ohyes.Let’sgo,’Isaid,droppingtheboxonthebedbehindmeandsteppingoutoftheroom.ThistimeImadesuretowalkbesideher,andsheacknowledgedthatwithhermischievoussmile.WewereabouttoreachthereceptionwhenIcouldn’tcontrolmyselfanymoreandaskedher,‘WhyareyouleavingKhushi?Don’tgo…Please.’Andmyspeechpausedthere,alongwithmyfeet.Shestoppedthereaswellandheldmyhandinhersandsaid,‘JustacoupleofmonthsandIwon’thavetoleaveyouthisway.Iwillbeallyours.’Therewassomuchloveinthosewordsasif,fromnowon,shewasgoingtotakecareofmeforever.

‘Iknow,’Isaid.

‘NowshallwegobeforeGirishgivesanothercall?’‘Yes.’

Backatthereception,wemetNeeruandGirishagain.TheyweretryingtoteaseKhushiwiththeirfacesandexpressionsbutshewas,somehow,managingeverythingwithhersimplesmiles,digressingfromwhattheywantedtohear.Weallstoodthereforafewminutesbeforetheywenttotheircabwhichwasparkedoutsidethehotel.

Itwasdrizzling.Theygotseatedandthecabreversed.Theywereleavingandmyeyeswere

following the leftwindowfromwhichshewaswaving tome. Ialmost ran into themiddleof theroadtocatchalastglimpseofherfortheday.Thenthecabtookarightturnattheendofthestreetandshedisappeared.

ButOh!Ilovedthelightrainshowerandlookedupatthesky,thankingtheheavenlyfirmament.

Thatdaydidnotendthere,though.

Afewminuteslater,Iwasinmyroom,busyperformingmyvictorydanceandsingingthelines‘pehlanasha,pehlakhumaar.’Justlikeinthemovie,Iplacedmyleftfootonthebedandjumpedbackonthegroundtomyright,inslowmotion.Theonlydifferencebeing,mylandingwasnotsuccessfulandIbroketheglassofwaterplacedbesidetheTV.

Shatteredglassonthefloor.Andsilence…

Standingalone,infrontofthemirrorIscoldedmyreflection,‘Seewhatyouhavedone?’

Theverynextmoment,myreflectionsmiledandmurmured,‘nayapyaarhai,nayaimtihaan.’

Iwasoutofcontrol,wonderinghowIcouldtelltheworldthatIwasthehappiestmanontheplanetatthatmoment.Thefeelingswithinmewerestrainingtocomeout.AndIdon’tknowwhetherIwasfailingtohandlethem,orcelebratingtheminthebestpossibleway.

Finally,Igrabbedmycellagaintogiveheracallandtellher,‘Youaredamnbeautiful.Youaresoperfect…Iamsolucky…’Iwentonandon,andsheheardallthatwithasmile.ShewasstillinthatcabandIcouldheargigglingvoicesaroundher.Allshesaidwas,‘Andviceversa.Ihavesomuchtosay,butjustcan’t.Youknowna.’

WetalkedforaveryshortwhileandthenIorderedmydinnerwhicharrivedinanothertenminutes.By10.30,Ihadeatenandthebellboycametomyroomtocollectthedinnerplatesandbowls.‘Howwasthefood,sir?’heasked.

DidIreallynoticethetaste?Forgetthetaste,didIevenknowwhatdishesIhadeaten?AllIcouldthinkofwasherface,thewayitappearedwhenIpulledherinmyarms,hereyesandherfragrancewhichstillpersistedinmybreath.

ButIanswered,‘Ohyes,itwasgood.’Hegatheredtheplatesandleftmyroom.

By11.30,Istillcouldn’tsleep,thoughIwastired.Iwashungoveronsomethingsodifferent,forthefirsttime.Iwascelebratingthespiritofbeinginlove.Everythingaroundmeappearedbeautifulbecausetheonlythingrunningthroughmymindwasbeautiful.

Shetoowasgoingthroughsomethingsimilar,Ilearntwhenshecalledmeatlast.Andwetalkedforalongtime,candidly:confessingourfears;describingthethoughtsflowinginourmindwhenwesaweachotherattheairport,whenIsatonthefrontseat,leavingherbehind,whenIlockedthedoorofmyroomfrominsideonceNeeruandGirishhadleft,whenIpulledherinmyarms;ourhappiness,theeuphoriainwhichwestillwere.Idon’trememberwhen,exactly,weslept…

Thenextmorning,IwaswaitingforGirish.KhushihadcalledmeuptotellmethatGirishwouldbecomingtoDelhiforsomeworkandwouldpickmeuponhiswaybacktoFaridabad.There,forthe

firsttime,I’dmeetKhushi’sfamily—exceptforherdadwhowasinPunjab,takingpartinsomereligiouseventatagurudwarathere.

WhileIwaitedforhim,Ispentmytimedoingsomepeculiarthings.Standinginfrontofthemirror,IpracticedlineswhichImighthavetosayinfrontofherfamilyindifferentsituations.Iwantedmyfacialexpressionsandbodylanguagetomakeagoodimpressiononherfamily.So,Irehearsedsomecommonlines:

‘No,no,myparentswon’thaveanyissuesifshecarriesonwithhercareeraftermarriage.Infact,Iammarryingherbecausesheisacareer-orientedgirl.’(Withabrilliantuseofthehands.)‘I’mnotsureifwe’llmovenorthsosoonbut,yes,theplansarethere.’(Withconfidence.)‘Ohyes,Icancook.Inmywork-relatedtripsabroadIlearntthat,youknow.Itmightnotbeasdeliciousaswhatshecanprepare,butitservesitspurpose.’(Withasmile.)Andsoon.

Itwas10a.m.Tokillsomemoretime,Imovedouttothelounge.IwasnervousagainasIleftmyroom.Thenervousnessoffacingsomanynewpeopleatonce.Inthelounge,Iglancedthroughthenewspaperandhadacupoftea,whichwasmyonlybreakfast.Iwasn’tfeelinghungryatall,butexcitedandthrilled.

Afewminuteslater,mycellphonebeeped.ItwasanSMSfromher.

Girishwlbdereby10.15.

BreadyandGudLuk.Afewhrsfromnowu’llbamongurwouldbeinlaws.:-)

AssoonasIreadhermessage,anewnumberflashedonmycell’sscreen.Thistime,itwasGirishcallingmeoutside.Iquicklyfinishedmytea,putthenewspaperbackintherackandleftthehotel.Soon,IwasinhisQualis.Obviously,hisdadwasabigman.OnourwaytoFaridabad,hekepttellingmeabouthisdad,whohadbeenanMLAsomeyearsback.Hekepttalkingabouthisinvestmentsinrealestateandinshares.AndIkeptreplyingwith‘ok,’‘yeah’and‘ohreally’—notreallylisteningtohisbigtalk.Allthatwasgoingthroughmymindatthatpointwashowthingswouldpanoutinthenextcoupleofhours.Ihadneverbeentoanyin-lawstillthen!Withtherestofourrelatives,itwasalwaystheboy’sfamilywhowenttothegirl’s.Buthere,thingsweresodifferent.Iwasallalone.Somanythoughtsgoingthroughmymind…

Iamallalone.Damn!Idon’tevenbelieveIamdoingthis,goingtovisitmyin-laws.DoIneedtotellhermotheronemoretimethatIloveKhushi?

ThankGodherdadisnothome.

Ishouldsoundmature.Aresponsiblecitizen.Shit!Notcitizen.AresponsiblepersonwhowillkeeptheirKhushiveryhappyfortherestofherlife.

Whatwillherhomebelike?Biggerthanmine?

Isanybodygoingtoaskmemysalary?ShouldIaddafewmorethousandstothefigure?TheyhaveabigcartooandIhavejustabike—notevenaPulsar,atthat.Damn!WhatallIamthinking?Shit!

‘Whathappened?’askedGirish.‘No,no,nothing,’Isaid,wonderingifheheardmythoughts.‘Hey!Hey!Aisahihotahai,’hemockedmycondition.‘Whatdoyoumean,aisahihotahai?’Iaskedtohidemyrestlessness.‘Kuchnahin,’hesaidwithasmileandputonsomemusic.Afteralmostanhour,wereachedourdestination.Ontheway,IboughtapineapplecakeforthemfromaconfectionaryinFaridabad,whichGirishsaidwasoneofthebestintheircity.‘Hereweare.Loaagayaaapkasasuraal,’saidGirish.‘Boy!Thisisit,’Isaidtomyself.

I took a deep breath andgot down from the vehicle and looked at thewhite-coloured house infront ofme. Then I opened the black gate andwalked in. Therewere a few plants, with flowersblossominginthem.Atiledveranda,halfofwhichwascoveredwithashed.Iknockedonthedoorinfrontofme,whileGirishcameafterlockinghiscar.

SomebodyopenedthedoorandIwasexcitedtoseewhoitwasgoingtobe.

Hermom.Inaverysimpleanddecentsuit.Nomakeupatall,simplyakadainherrighthand.Sheappearedassimpleasmymom.Shesmiledwhensheopenedthedoortowelcomemein.‘SatSriAkal,’Isaidandbentdowntotouchherfeet.

‘SatSriAkalbetaji,’shesaidkissingmyforehead.

Hermomwasdelightedtoseeme.Finally,Iwasinfrontofhereyes.Shewasseeing,forthefirsttime,thepersonwhowasgoingtotakeherbeloveddaughterawayfromher.Andinthoseeyesweresomanyexpectations,somanyconcernsandsomuchhopeforherdaughter.

Shewelcomedmeintothedrawingroom.Girishfollowedme,touchingherfeet.‘Baithobeta,’shesaidtobothofus.

Whilewemadeourselvescomfortable,sheaskedmeifIwaswellandifmyjourneyhadbeen

comfortable.Thenshewentoutoftheroom,saying‘Mainbasabhiaayi.’Probably,shewenttothekitchen.

Backinthedrawingroom,Iwasadaptingtomywould-besasuraal.Ilikedtheambienceoftheroom:thesofaandthechairssurroundingthecenter-tableatoneendoftheroom;theTVsetattheoppositeend,inamovablecabinetthathadalotofotherstuffonitsshelvesdecorativepieces,includingsmall,floweryminiaturesontheupperleft,atoy-trainontheright(possiblyDaan’s);themoney-plantinonecorner,betweenthesofasandchairs;acoupleofbeautifulpaintingsonthewallwiththesignaturesoftheirmakersatthebottom-right.Theoneinfrontofmewasbig,almostameterlong,anddepictedthebaaraatofaPrince,whowasonhishorse,withhisbridebeingcarriedinadoliandafewpeopleplayingtheshehnai.

‘Howareyoufeeling?’Girishwhisperedfromtheotherendofthesofa,havinghisshareoffuninallthatwashappening.

‘I am doing fine,’ I whispered back.‘Good,’hesmiled.

Alittlelater,somebodycameintotheroom.Abeautifulgirlinalightgreentopandblackdenim,withatrayinherhand,carryingsoft-drinksinbeautifullycarvedglasses.ItwasNeeru.Thedaybefore,Ihadnotnoticedhowbeautifulshewas.ButhowcouldI,whenherstillmorebeautifulsisterwasinfrontofme.Anyway,Iwashappywithonemorethought,‘BeautifulSaalitoo.’

So,thisishowitstarted.Withcolddrinksandawholelotofsnacks,dryfruitsandsweets.Neeruandhermomjoininguswiththeirchitchat.Questionsfromhermom:HowwasmyfamilydoingbackinOrissa?ForhowlongwasIgoingabroad?Andmanymore…Attimes,shetalkedabouttheirfamily,whichmeansthatIgottoknowoncemore,thethingsIalreadyknew.DeepuwasinAssam,workingwithanMNC.PushkarandAmrit(a.k.a.Amidi)wouldbehereinhalfanhourorso.

Already,thereweresomanysimilaritiesbetweenKhushiandme.And,now,Isawsomany

similarities between our families too.Bothwere religious-minded and believed in simple living.Hermother,ineachandeveryaspect,appearedjustlikemymother.

Aswetalked,IoccasionallykeptraisingmyeyebrowslookingatNeeru,silentlyaskingherabouthereldersister ’swhereabouts.

‘Havepatience.Sheisgettingready.Sirfaapkeliyehi,’sherepliedandlaughedatme.Thenshebroughtmeaplate,‘Takeonesamosa.’

‘Haanji beta, lo na,’ her mom insisted.Andthiscontinued

‘Oh! Have some cashews.’‘Thanks.’

‘Trythisaaloobhujia.’‘No,please.I’mstuffed.’

‘No,no…Takesome.Allright,trythisdhoklathen.Youwillloveit.’‘A…a…allright.Butthisisthelastone.’

‘Arey,aaptokuchlehinahiraheho…Yehlona.’

‘Nahin,please.Thanks.Bas,bas,bas!Thisistoomuch…’

Withsomuch,Ifearedconstipationand,ifnotthat,definitelyloosemotions.

AlmosttwentyminutespassedandtherewasstillnosignofthegirlIhadcometherefor.Backinthatroom,thefourofusweretalkingtoeachother.Attimes,NeeruandGirishweresmilingateachother.

Thenallofasudden,avoicetraveledfrominside,‘Neeeeeruuuuuu!’

‘Lo,hogaitaiyaarmaharani,’Neerusaid,gettingupfromherchairandgoingtoKhushi.Momentslater,Iheardtwodifferentfootstepsapproachingus.

Thereshewas.Myangelinaravishingsuit:pinkkameez,skybluepyjaamiandablendedchunni

withmanyshinystonesmakingunevenlinesonit.Herhair,longandsilky.Glossylipsandthoseglitteringearrings.

Shelookedatmeandsaid,‘Hi!’

‘Hi!’Irespondedwithasmile,amazedathowbeautifulshelooked.

There was a different kind of hesitation between us now, to talk to each other in front ofeverybody.Still,wewentahead.

Withhereyessheaskedhowshelooked.AndIsaid,‘Youlookamazing.’‘Thankyou,’shesaidandjoinedus.

Shesatrightinfrontofme.ShereallylookedsobeautifulinIndian-wear.Iwishedeverybodyinthathousewouldvanishforacoupleofhours,sothatIcouldkeepstaringatherthatway.Weallstartedtalking.Everynowandthen,shewasadjustingherchunniwhichkeptslidingdownherrightshoulder.Onhermom’sinsistence,shepickedupafewcashewsfromthedry-fruitsbowl,leavingthedhoklaandrasgullasbecausetheywouldmessherlipstick.Attimes,shelookedatmeandnoticedhowIwaslookingatherwitheveryonearoundandshesilentlybeggedmetotakemyeyesoffher.Butmenwillalwaysbemen.

Tobreakher spellonme, she started talking tome.‘Whattimeisyourflighttomorrow?’

‘7:30inthemorning.’

‘So you’ll have to leave the hotel at around4:30, then?’‘Yeah,Ihavetowakeupearlytomorrow.’

Andweallkepttalkingforawhile.Iwasmuchmorecomfortablebythen,apartfromthefearofbeingofferedmorefood.Girishwantedtoleave.Hehadjustrisenfromthecouchwhenweheardacararrivingatthegate.

‘Hey!Amidiaagayi,’Neerualmostsangthat,rushingtothedoorandpeepingout.‘AndPushkar?’Iwantedtoconfirmthearrivalofanothermaletoo.‘Unkesaathhitoaayihongi,’Girishsaid.

Andfewsecondslater,bothPushkarandAmidicamein,wipingtheirshoesonthedoor-mat.

Everyone stood up to welcome them, as if they were the ones for whomwe all had assembled.Seeingthem,Igotuptoo.

‘Wow! Such awarmwelcome for the second son-in-law of the house. Hmm… I’m the next.Toughcompetition,dude!’Ithoughttomyself.

Inherblacktopandbluedenim,Amidilookedlikeaprofessional,21stcenturylady.Herdenimwasinthelatest,weirdfashion—theoneinwhichgirlswouldfolduptheirjeans’legsafewinchesabovetheirankles,showingthelight,innercolourofthedenim.Idon’tknowwhat’ssoexcitingaboutit.Weguysusedtodothatwhileplayingsoccerinmud,inourschooldays.Herglasseshadastylishframe,andshehadadifferentstyleoftyingherhairattheback—ofcourse,amodernone.

Altogether,Amidiappeareda‘Yo!Yo!’girl.

A‘Yo!Yo!’girl,inourtermmeans…a…a…Yo!Yo!kindofgal.

ThethingwhichIlikedmostinherwastheredandwhitebanglescoveringbothherhands.Of

course,theyrevealedthatshegotmarriedthatveryyear.Accordingtocustom,thesebanglesstayedonthehandsofanewly-marriedgirlforalmostayear.

Pushkarappearedverysimpletome.

Aftershakinghandsandsaying‘hi’and‘hello,’everybodysettleddownonthesofasandchairs.Conversationstartedagain.

‘Sohowareyou,Ravin?’Pushkarasked.

‘Iamfine,thanks.Howareyouguysdoing?’Iasked,lookingatbothofthem.‘Prettygood.Andhowareyourparentsandbrotherbackthere?’

Amidiaskedthistime.

‘Theyaredoingwell,’Irepliedwithasmile.

Andsowecontinuedourchitchatonvarioustopics:myoffice,theiroffice,Khushi’soffice;the

differentplaceswevisited,whichwasachanceformetoboastaboutmytripsabroad;Delhitraffic,CAT,thenextIndianIdolandwhatnot…

And,yes,therewasasecondroundofsnacksand,ofcourse,Ihadtokeepthenewarrivalscompany.IfeltlikeIwasgoingtoexplode.

Meanwhile,Girishgotanothercallonhiscelland,thewayherushedouttohisQualis,weweresureitwashisdad.AllIcouldsaytohimwas‘thanks’—forhelpingmereachthisplaceand,moreimportantly,forbeingtheonlyothermanwithme,amongthoseladiestillPushkararrived.Heleft.

Theconversationreallywarmedupinawhile,anditdidn’ttakemeevenhalfanhourtorealizethatPushkarwasacooldude.Heappearedtobeverypractical.Andtheentirefemaleunionkeptboastingabouthisgreatestasset—

‘Patahai,Jijubahutachchakhaanabanaatehain.Hehaslearnttheartofcooking,’saidNeeruproudly,asifherjijuwasgoingtopresentanothercookeryshowonStarPlus.But,well,aguywhocookslovelyfood,knowshowtogarnishvariousdishesandhowtoplacetheforksandspoonsonthediningtableisadreamguyfor99.99%ofthegirlsonthisplanet.(Infact,I’msureit’sthesameonotherplanetstoo…iftherearegirlsonthem.)

Neeruhadjustinitiatedthistopicanditdidn’ttakeevenacoupleofminutesforPushkar ’sgreathobbytobecomeathreatforme—Khushi’smomthrewmeabouncer.‘Betaaapkhaanabanaleteho?’sheaskedpolitelyand,unfortunately,withmuchexpectation.

Silence.Thesoundofsomeonegrindingcashewbetweentheirteethcouldbeheard.

Everyonewaswaitingformyresponse.Itwasasif,whilefollowinganIndia-Pakistancricketmatchontheradio,theyhadjustheardthat

Tendulkarhadhittheballhighintheairandwerewaitingforthecommentatortorevealifitwasasixoracatch.

StaringatthebubblesinmyglassofCoke,Ithought,‘Nowthenextquestionyouwillaskmeis‘Willyoubeabletoironhersalwarkameez?’Or,‘Doyousing?Arey,kuchgaakesunaona?’See!Thisiswhathappenswhenyoucometosuchplaceswithoutyourparents.Theotherpartytriestovalidateyouondifferentplatformssocandidly,andyoucannotsaynotoeveryquestion.’

Itriedtocomeupwithsomeanswer,lookingatmycellphoneandwishingthatitwouldringsothatIcouldescapethequestionswhichIwasgoingtoface.Butthedamnedgadgetwasmeanttoringonlyattheworsttimes—liketheeveningbefore,withthekissthatcouldhavebeen—butneverwhenIneededitthemost.

Finally,swallowingafewtimesinmynervousness,Iwentaheadandtoldthemwhattheywantedtohear.

‘Ah,umm…Yes,Ican.Withmostofthethings,IamkindofOK.ButImakegoodparanthas…’Ihadn’tevencompleted,whenhersweetandinnocentmother,delightedbymyanswer,askedme,‘Kaunkaunseparanthe?’

‘Nowthisistoomuch!’Well,Ididn’tactuallysaythat,butthat’swhatIwasthinkingandI

wonderedifIwassupposedtoreciteamenulist,likePappuunclefromthePunjabidhabaatBurla.

But,interestingly,thenextmomentIhadasmileonmyface.Iwasamusedatthekindofquestionsbeingputtoasoftwareengineer.IneverthoughtI’dbefacingsuchaninterview,noteveninmyweirdestdreams.Iwashappythat,forachange,Iwasbeingaskedsuchdifferentquestions.Itoldmyself,‘Thesewerenotbadquestionsbutexcitingones.Beconfidentandgoahead.’AndIwentaheadandsaid,‘Mumma,Icanpreparemany—aalooke,pyaazke,occasionallygobhikeandmoolikebhiinthewinters.’

‘Wow!Ravin,that’sgood.Whendidyoulearnallthis?’Pushkarasked.Heseemedtobequiteinterested.

AndItoldhim,‘WhenIwasinBelgiumforeightmonths.Ilivedtherealoneandhadtocookformyself.Beforethat,Ineverdidanycooking.Necessityisthemotherofinvention,youknow…’KeepingmyglassofCokebackonthetable,Itoldthemthestoryofmyfirstdayinthekitchen,whereIwantedtomakeamixed-vegdish,butendeduppreparingahotpoolofspicy,colouredwaterinwhichvegetableswereswimming.Someofthemweresoover-boiled,theyturnedintopasteandsettleddownatthebottom.

And,aswasexpected,everybodylaughedatDayOneofmyCookeryShow.MyKhushi,withamouthfulof soft-drink,was trying to, somehow,holdbackher laughter.Pushkar laughed loudlyandalmostclappedhishands.Itfeltgood.

And,soon,itwas2p.m.Noonerealizedhowmuchtimehadpassed—or,atleast,Ididn’t.‘Lunchisready,’Neeruannounced.

BynowIhadmadealittlespaceinmytummyfortherajmawhichKhushisaidshehadmadefor

me.Sheknewitwasmyfavorite.

Weallmovedtowardsthediningtable,pulledoutthechairsandsat.Andshesatrightinfrontofme.Iwaslookingatmyfuturewife,thinking,‘Afewmonthslater,wewillbehavingourlunch,dinnerandbreakfasttogetherand,thattoo,inthesameplate.’

Amusedwiththesamethought,Iopenedthelidofthebowlinfrontme.

‘Neeru,youalsocome,’saidAmidi,takingsomesalad.Thediningtablewasfullofvarious

dishes:paneer,raita,aaloogobhi,salad,aricebowlalongwithacasseroleofchapattisandmyfavoriterajma.Thecutleryappearednew,thekindthatwasbroughtoutforspecialoccasions.Everyoneatthediningtablewashelpingthemselvesandeachother,passingthefoodstuff.Iwastryingtogetaservingspoonfromtheotherendofthetable,whenKhushistoppedmeandsilentlysaid,‘Wait,Iwillgetit.’

Shepickedup the spoon inonehandandabowl in theother and servedme.Then, sheplacedsomesaladonmyplate,andaskedme,‘Chapattiorrice?’

Iwaslookingatmycaringsweetheart,whowashelpingmewithmylunch.Iwassmilinginside,maybeevenoutside,andinmyheartIaskedher,‘Youwillalwaystakecareofmethisway…Right?’

‘ChapattiorRice?’sheagainasked,raisingherbrows.

Butwhowashungrythen?Hercareandloveformehadalreadyfilledme.Still,Isaid,‘A…A…Chapatti.’

Withherbeautifulhandssheopenedthecasseroleandquicklymovedherhandbacktoavoidthehotsteam.Herbanglestinkled.Then,withthreefingersshefoldedtwochapattisinhalfand,verygracefully,placedthemonmyplate.Shelookedatmeandsmiled.IwantedhertofeedmewithherownhandssothatIcouldlickherbeautifulfingers…Allofasudden,Iwantedtomarryherandmarryherverysoon.SothatIcouldliedowninherlap.SothatIcouldhavemymealsfromherhands.

Everyonewentaheadwiththelunch.ThemomentIhadthatbiteIknewthoseanxiouseyeswereexpectingaresponsefromme.IlookedupintohercharmingeyesandtoldherIlovedwhatshehadpreparedforme.ShesmiledandfeltsosatisfiedwhenshenoticedthatIhadtherajmabeforeanythingelse.Shethentookherfirstbite,afterIdid.

Wegotbusywithourmealandtheconversationreducedandnarroweddowntotheappreciationof the lunch and the peoplewho had prepared it. I believe itwas quarter to threewhenwewerethrough.Iwasallpackedwithdeliciousfood,puddingandfruits(dessert,forwhichIstruggledtomakesomespaceinmytummy).

Conversationresumedatthesofaandchairsagain.Thistimeitinvolvedhumor—goodjokes,poorjokes,andjokeswhichwerenotjokesatall.Evenhermotherwaslaughingaloud,alongwithusyoungsters.And,attimes,Inoticedadifferentsmile.Asmilewhichwasnotonherlips,butinhereyes.AsmilewhichtoldmethatshethoughtIwasaniceguy.Asmilewhichrevealedthat,soon,shewouldbepreparedtogiveherdaughtertome,fortherestofherlife.Asmilewhichwasblessing

meandher,forabrightfuture.Andsomewhere,silently,thatsmilealsowhisperedinmyearthewordsfromherheart,‘Withher,Iwillbegivingyoumyheart.Takecareofher…Always’Itwas4o’clockintheeveningwhenwehadacupoftea.‘We’,meaningPushkarandI,asrestofthemdidnotdrinktea.Yes,nooneinthatentirefamilydrinkstea.Strangefamily—that’swhatPushkarandIfeel.

Meanwhile,Khushiwenttoherroomand,theverynextmoment,IwasastonishedtoseeherSMSonmycell.Wonderingwhyshedidthat,Ireadthemessage.

I’llcaluin2min.ugoout

intheveranda2receivedcal.

Don’tletodersknodatImcalin.

Andshecalledmeup.

Iactedasifitwasoneofmycollegefriendsand,talkingtothiscollegefriendofmine,Iwentoutintotheveranda,andfromitsfurthestcorneraskedher,‘Whereareyoucallingfrom?’‘Bathroom,’shereplied.

‘Wow!Whatareyoudoingthere…?’Iaskedmischievously.

‘Shutup!Nowlistentome,’shesaid,tryingtoexplainsomethingtome.And,forthenextminute,thisiswhatIsaid:

‘What!?’

‘Areyoucrazy?’‘Wow!’

‘Butareyousureyouwillbeabletodothis?’

‘Yes!Yes!ImeanwillWEbeableto…?’

‘OhBoy!Ican’tbelievethis.Youhavesuchguts.Iwouldlovetodothis…’‘Thrilling!Butwhatifwegetcaught?’

‘Neeru?Shewillhelpus?Great!Yourlittlesisterrocksyaar.’

‘Allright,done.Let’sdothisinhalfanhour.Youcancallmycabrightnow.’

Thrilledandanxiousbecauseofher(Imeanmycollegefriend’s)call,Ireturnedtothedrawing

room.Everythingwasthesamethere—theenvironment,thetalkandthepeople—butallofasuddenI wanted the time to pass quickly. I was excited about the plan (which also involved Neeru) thatKhushiandIhadjustdiscussed.Ikeptwonderingifwecouldreallydoit.

4.10p.m.

Toputourplanintoaction,wewerewaitingforPushkarandAmidi’sdeparture.

Everynowandthen,oneofuswouldlookatthewallclockorawristwatch.Thatandafewquietmomentsmadethemrealizetheyweregettinglate.And…

Bingo!

Pushkargotupandsaid,lookingatAmidi,‘Ithinkwearegettinglate.’

Hearingthat,NeerulookedatmewithhertwinklingeyesandIlookedatKhushi.Thethreeofuswerereadyforaction.

4.12p.m.

‘Mumma!IhavetoleaveforIMS,’Neerusaid,likeakidwhodoesn’treallywanttodosomething.‘IMS??Now?Butyoudon’thaveclassesintheeveningna?’hermotherasked.‘Thereisadoubt-clarificationsessiontoday.Khushialsohasaclass.Askher…’‘Youalsohavetogo?’MummaaskedKhushi.

‘Classtohai,butIwon’tgoifyoudon’twantmeto,’Khushireplied.

Meanwhile,Irushedinwithmylines,‘No,no,Ithinkyoushouldgoaheadwithyourclass.EvenIhave to leave soon.A fewminutesback, oneofmycollege friends fromDelhi calledup andhewantstoseeme.Ican’tignorehim.’

Pushkarasked,‘Howwillyougirlsgothen?Doyouwantmetodropyou?’

Khushirepliedimmediately,‘No,Pushkar.Youguysgoahead.IMSisinatotallyoppositedirectionfromwhereyouaregoing.Wewillmanage.’

4.15p.m.

ThingsweregoingasperplanwhenPushkaraskedme,‘Ravin,howwillyougobacktoDelhi?’‘Oh,Ihadcalledupacab.Ithinkit’sthere,outside,’Iansweredhim,walkingtowardsthedoorandlookingouttoconfirm.

Lookingathersisters,Amidisaid,‘Well,inthatcase,RavincandropyouatIMS.It’sonhisway.’Andthiswaswhatwewantedtohear.

AmidilookedatmeandIpretendedthatIdidn’tknow.‘Oh!IMSwillbefallingonmyway?InthatcaseIcandropyou,’Iturnedtowardshersisters.Itwasgettinghardtocontroloursmiles,

especiallywheneverythingwasgoingasplanned.‘Youwon’thaveanyproblemna?’Neeruasked.

Andinmyheart,Isaid,‘Comeon!Don’toverdoit,dumbo.’Aloud,Isaid,‘Ohcomeon!WhatproblemcanIhave,ingivingalifttotwogorgeousladies?Thepleasurewillbemine.’Ilookedateverybodyandsmiled.

Khushirushedtoherroomandcamebackintenminutes,havingchanged.Shelookedstunninginherblacktopandwhitedenim.Shestartedmovingfromoneroomtoanotherinsearchofhersandals.Stillbusywithherdressingup,shedidn’tnoticeme.

‘Chalo,letmeshowyouourroom,’Neerusaidandledmetoherroom,whichshesharedwithKhushi.Atthedoor,shegesturedwithherarm,‘Thisisourroom,’makingmyeyesgofromrighttoleft.

Whileshetalkedaboutthedifferentthingspresentinherroom,Iwasbusyseeingsomethingelse.Myeyesfellonthebedwheretherelaysomethingsoattention-grabbing,sofascinating.Thepinkandsky-bluesuit,thatmyladyhadtakenoffherselfafewminutesback,waslyingonherbed,insideout.Itwasspreaduponthesurfaceofthebed,coveringhalfofit.Idon’tknowwhyitwassoexcitingformetogazeattheclotheswhichshehadbeenwearingtheentiredayinfrontofme.Especially,turnedinsideturnedout.Ohboy!Thefactthat,minutesbefore,shewasinthemandtheywereadheringtoherbodywassendingwavesoffantasythroughme.Acrazy,chilledandwarmfeeling,thattheystillwerecarryingherfragranceinthem,inthosewrinkles,inthethreadsofthestitchesthatwerenowvisible,inthatsweetwetnessontheunderarms.IwishedIcouldtouchthem,feelthem,breathethem.HadNeerunotbeenthere,Iwoulddefinitelynothavebeenabletostopmyself.

ButIhadtoendmyfantasyandlookatwhatNeeruwasshowingmeonherdifferentshelves,herbooks,hercomputerandtherestoftheroom.IwasstilllisteningtoNeeruwhenKhushicamein,lookingforus.Shewasnowready,withhersandalson.

Themomenthereyesfellonthebed,shequicklyrushedtograbherclothes.

‘Shit!’shesoftlymuttered,revealinghershynessatthefavorshehadunconsciouslydoneforme.Shethentookthemtothebathroomwheresheprobablyhungthembehindthedoor.ShethoughtIwasbusytalkingtoNeerubut,fromthecornerofmyeyes,InoticedwhatshethoughtIdidn’tnotice.

4.20p.m.

Bynowwewereatthedoor,almostdonewithourfinalgoodbyestoeverybody.PushkarandAmidigotintheircar.ItouchedMumma’sfeetandsheputherhandsonmyhead.IsaidthatIwouldseeherafterIcamebackfromtheUS.Shewishedmeahappyjourney.

Khushi,NeeruandIthenmadeamovetowardsmycab.Thefeelingofvictorywithinuswasatitspeakthen,whenwefoundourselvesatthelaststepofourmission.OurimmediatedestinationwastheIMScenter,wherewewoulddropNeeruwhowouldattendanunscheduledclassinanunknownbatch.AndKhushiwouldnotstepoutofthecabasshewouldbewithmefortherestoftheevening—withoutlettingherfamilyknow.Thatwasourplan.

Butthen,somethinghappenedtheverymomentwegotintoourcabandlockedthedoors—acontingencywehadn’teventhoughtabout,letaloneplannedfor.

AllofasuddenKhushi’smotherrememberedthatshehadtogotothedairy,fromwheresheusedtogetmilk,everyevening,fortheirhome.Itwouldsoonclosedownand,withnooneleftinthehouse,itwouldbeaproblemforher.And,unfortunately,Ifoundoutthat,besidesIMS,thedairyalsofellonmyroute.

‘Uh…ah…y…yes…we…Wewilldropherna,’Khushistammered,lookingatNeeruandme,hereyesfullofquestionstowhichneitherofushadananswer.

Theplanforherescapewithmewasnowdanglingonabrokenbridge,andwedidn’thaveanyideawhatwasgoingtohappennext.Allwewerewonderingwas:Couldwegetawaywithit?Howlongwouldittakeforthetruthtocomeout?Wouldwehavetopileonmoreliestoconcealthefirstlie?Then,Khushiwhisperedinmyear,makingsurehermotherdidn’tnotice,‘ThedairywillcomebeforeIMS.Don’tworry.’Wewouldbebackontrackafterthedairy.Orsoitseemed.

Khushistartedexplainingtheroutetothedriver.Attimes,Ifeltshewasexplainingmorethan

necessary,talkingtoomuch.Iwasnotsureifitwashernervousness(hermotherwaswithus!)orherexcitement(theplancouldstillworkout!).Whateveritwas,itwasmakingmealittleconsciousandIwishedthatmomentwouldsoonpass.Nosensibleguywouldwanthisfuturemother-in-lawtoseehimasapersonwhodeceivedherandranoffwithherdaughterontheveryfirstday.

ButKhushi…Idon’tknowwhatwaswrongwithher.Shewastalkingalot.Talkingtothedriver,talkingtoMumma,talkingtoeveryone.Talking,explaining.Explaining,talking.Andwithsomuchexplanation,thedrivergotlittleconfusedandheendedupaskingNeeru,whowassittingonthefrontseat,‘Matajitodairytakjaayengi.Auraapkahantakjaaoge?Delhitak?’Andthentheblunderhappened.

Myexcited,talkative,nervousKhushiforgot,forasecond,thealibiwe’dbeenbuildingupforthelasthourandsaid,beforeNeeruhadachancetoanswer,‘Nahinbhaiyya,yehtoIMSpehiutarjaayegi.’

Beforeshecouldunderstandwhatshehaddone,hermothertappedhershoulderandasked,‘YetoIMSpehiutarjayegimatlab?Tuneykahaanutarnahaifir?’Ofcoursehermother ’sradarhadbecomeveryactive,tryingtounderstandwhatwashappening.

‘Gayibhainspaanimein,’IheardNeerusaytoherselfwithoutlookingback.Myexpressionsaid,‘HolyShit!’

AndKhushi.

Khushibithertongue,realizingthemessshehadcreated.Shetookanothername—afriendshewasgoingtomeetfirst,sothatshecouldtakehernotes.ButhermotherhadalreadysmelledsomethingfishyandshelookedatNeeruandasked,‘Neeru.What’shappening?’

AndNeeru,helpinghereldersisteroutofthemess,replied,‘Mumma,shehastogethermathsnotesfromafriend,first.’

Atthatmoment,thecabarrivedatthedairywheretheirmotherwastohalt.I’msureshewantedtosayalotofthingstoherdaughters,especiallytheelderonebut,becauseofmypresence,sheonlysaid,‘Comebackhomeontime.Theekhai?’

‘Haanji.Yes,Mumma,’thefemalesinthecabreplied.AndIbidgoodbyetotheirmotherforthelasttime.

Asoonassheleftandthecabmovedon,NeeruandIbothyelled,‘Whatthehelldidyoudo!?’Khushilookeddownandsaid,‘Sorry,’likeakidwhoseparentshavecaughthimbreakinga

windowwithhiscricketball.

‘Martemartebachehain…Yebhinaa,’Neerusaid.

Still,allofuswererelievedbythenarrowescape.Butitwasnotanescape.Parentsknowtheirchildrensowell.Theyhavespentmuchmoretimethanusinthisworldand,ofcourse,ifatouragewethinkwearesmart,thenattheiragetheyaresmarter.HermotherhadunderstoodverywellthatherelderdaughterwasdefinitelynotheadingtowardsIMSbutsomeplaceelse.Butthat’sthebeautyofamother ’sheart.Sheallowedhertogo,withoutlettingherknowthatsheknewwhereherdaughterwasgoing.

Backinthecab,NeeruandIwerelaughingatKhushi’sgreatwork.Inoticedthedriver ’ssmilingfaceintherearviewmirror.Hehadalsofiguredoutwhatwewereupto.Inanotherfiveminutes,wereached

IMS,whereNeerugotdown.

‘Bye-byebeautiful,’Iwavedmyhand.

‘Byeeee,’shesanginhersweetestvoiceandremindedme,‘BringmeatonofchocolatesfromtheUS.’

‘Iwill,forsure,’Ireplied.

Shethenwalkedtowardsherdestinationandwemovedtowardsours—thehotelIwasstayingin,inDelhi.ThispartoftheplanevenNeerudidn’tknowabout.Allshewastoldbyhersisterwasthatweweregoingtowatchamovie.Adouble-cross!

Khushi,again,touchedmyheartwiththis.Iwashappyseeingherexcitementandsatisfaction

matchingmine.Mylovehadcookedupastorytospendtimewithherprincecharming.(Oh,yes!Iwasgiventhattitlebymyprincess,thatevening.)Iappreciatedhergutsandherwillingnesstobewithme.Afterall,shewastheonewholiedandplannedthings.Theeagernessinher,tospendafewmoremomentswithme,anevening…Thetrustsheshowedinmethatdaycreatedanintangiblebondbetweenourhearts.

Iturnedtowardsherandsawthatbeautifulinnocentfaceglowingwithhappiness.Iwassittingbyhersideanditwaslikebeinginabeautifuldream.Yes,Iknowwhatwashappeningwasallreal.Yet,itwassomagical.Eventheairthatsurroundedusinthecabwasdifferent.IfeltgreatandwasgladthatshewasmineandIwaswithher.And,atthatpointoftime,Ineverknewshewasgoingtogivemethebesthourofmylife.

Atabout6p.m.thatevening,wereachedmyhotel.Beforewegotdown,Iaskedthecabdrivertobebackby7.30sothatIcoulddropherhomeby8.45orso.Accordingtotheplan,herclassatIMSwastolasttill8.30thatevening.

WalkingupthestaircaseofthehotelIfeltadifferentfeeling.Ifoundmyselfamongadifferent

sectionofmyfriends.Friendswhopossessedagirlfriend,withwhomtheyhungout in theircars,took

them out to dinner, or maybe to a disco or a movie.Maybe their girlfriends had to lie to theirfamiliestoo,justlikemine.Idon’tknowwhyIneverfeltthatwayearlier.Khushihadbeeninmylifefora

coupleofmonthsbythen.ButIguessherpresenceinfrontofmewasmakingmeseemyselfinthatclassofmyfriends.And,tobehonest,seeingmyselfinthatcategorywasexciting.Withherinmylife,theworldappearedsogoodtome.

Walkingtogether,wereachedroom301onceagain.Ihandedoverthekeysoftheroomtoher—Iwantedhertoopenmyroom.

WeenteredandIswitchedonthelight.Myroomwasalittlemessy,withmanythingsdumpedonthebed—theemptywaterbottle,aT-shirt,mycellphone’schargerandhands-freesetalltangledupwitheachother,thebedsheethalfonthebedandhalfonthefloorandsomeofmyofficial,butnot-so-importantdocumentsunderneathmypillow.

‘Sorryforthismess.Ithoughtthehotelpeoplewoulddothis,’Isaid,rubbingmyhandbehindmyneck.

Shesmiled,probablyrecallinghowIusedtoboastthatIwasaneatandtidyguy.Shecouldnowseethatwithherowneyes.

‘I’llbebackinaminute,’Isaidandwenttothewashroomtowashmytiredandoilyface.

WhenIcameout,twoorthreeminuteslater,Isawsomethingwhichpleasedmeimmensely.Myroomhadbeentidiedupinthosefewminutes.Frommybed,thethingshadreturnedtotheirproperplaces.TheT-shirtinthecloset,thechargerwrappedandplacedbesidetheTVontheTVset,theemptywater-bottleinthedustbin,theofficialpapersallpileduponthetablebesidethebed.

Andwhodidthat?Ofcourse,itwastherealneatandtidypersoninthatroom.

Wow!Nowthat’swhatbeingwithagirlis.Ifeltthisfortheveryfirsttime.Thisiswhatiscalledawoman’stouch.Thisiswhywekeephearing,‘Menbuildhouses,butwomenmakehomes.’AndnowIhadfoundonesuchwoman.

Alittlelater,weweresittingonthebed,withourfeetinthechannelbetweenthetwobeds.OnmylaptopwewerewatchingadancevideoinwhichIhadperformedsometimeago.ItwasaculturalfestivalbackatInfosys.ShewassoexcitedtoseemedancingandkeptsayingthatifshehappenedtogetonboardatInfy,wewillperformtogetheratthenextculturalmeet.Withthoseglitteringeyes,shekeptlookingatthelaptop’sscreen.AndIkeptlookingather…

Iamstillnotsurewhatwassobeautifulaboutthesideofherneck,underneathherear,towhichherlongearringwasdrawingmyattention.IstaredatherneckandIstaredatitsomemore.Herbeautywastrappingmysenses.Andmysenseswerefreezingeverysecond.ShewasstillwatchingthatvideowhenIcameveryclosetoherneckand,withoututteringasinglething,Ikissedherthere.Ididnotseeherexpressionthen,asIwasstillfeelingherneckandthesweetsmellofherbody.Thishappenedinnotimeandshewasnotinaconditiontoreacteither.Whenshegainedhersensesinawhile,sherespondedbyraisingherface,lettingmegettoherneck,beneathherchin,andIwentahead,kissingeachandeverycellofhers.Oureyeswereclosed.Igrabbedherinmyarms,felther

armsstiffeningandgrippingtightlythecornerofmyshirt,hervoiceexpressingwhatshefelt.Thevideoonmylaptopwasstillrunning,butitfailedtointerruptus.

Shealmostleftherselfinmyhands.Ileanedonherabitandsheleanedonthebed,ourfeetstilltouchingtheground.Shecrossedherhandsaroundmyneckandmyhandsweresupportingherbody.

Togetherwewereslidingdown,everysinglesecond.Thekissesandpassionatehugscontinuedtillwefellonthebed.

Suddenly,Irememberedsomething.‘I’llcomeinasecond,justasinglesecond,’Iwhisperedinherear.Hereyeswerestillclosed.AndIwentandcheckedanddouble-lockedtheroom.Iswitchedoffourroom’sbrightlightandswitchedonthewashroom’slightallowingittoilluminateourroomsoftly.IdidthatforareasonwhichIdidnottellher—memoriesfromamoviewerebotheringme,inwhichahiddencamerainahotelroomcapturedacouple.

ThenIcamebacktoher.Buthereyeswerenotclosedanymore.ShewasstaringatmeasIwalkedtowardsher.HoldingherhandsinmineIstoodbyherandlookedintothedepthofhereyes.And,forthefirsttime,Inoticedsomethingdifferentinthem.Isawagirlinwhoseheartfearhadentered.ThenIrealizedwhatcausedit.Theinnocentgirl,whomIsawinthoseeyes,wasafraidofbeingwithaguy,especiallyonhisbed,inaclosedroom,double-locked,whichwasnotevenlitproperly,butilluminatedbyadimlightseepinginfromthewashroom’sopendoor.Shedidnotsayanything,butIsaweverythingthatwasgoingthroughhermindatthatinstant.

‘Shona…’shesaid,andIgentlywhispered‘Ssshhh!’andplacedmyhanduponherlips,not

allowinghertospeak.Iranmypalmacrossherforeheadandverygentlyclosedhereyesoncemore,myfingersflowingonhereyelashes.ThenIsaidtoher,verysoftly,‘Youknowwhat?Iwon’tdoanythingwhichourconscienceandvaluesdon’tallow.Ijustcan’t.ForthesimplereasonthatIloveyou.IknowmylimitsandIpromisenothingwillhappentomakeyoufeeluncomfortable,nothingthatyouwillregretlater.Ipromise…Justbewithmeinthismoment.’Andmyangelwrappedmeinherarms,pullingmeclosertoher.

‘Shona!’shecalledmynamewithsuchaffection.‘Iloveyousoverymuch,foreverythingyoudoforme.’Ifeltherhandscrawlingonmyback.Herfearhaddisappearedandshewascelebratinghavingmeinherarms.

Iwaslyingpartlyonthebedandpartlyonher.ShewasbecomingmischievousandIwasno

different.Neitherofusknewwhenthevideoinmylaptopstopped.ButthemomentIrealizedthis,withouthernoticing,Iranmyfavoritesoundtrack’splaylistonmylaptopatalowvolume,addingtotheromanticambienceoftheroom.

Everythingwasjustperfect—adimlylitroom,lightmusicrunninginthebackground,nicebedsheets,andsheandI.

Iblewuponhereyes,whichmadeherlashesgodownfurther,gentlyclosinghereyes.Thatwispofairmovedonherforeheadfromlefttoright,backtohereyes,thenhercutenose,makinganirregularfigureonhercheeks,scrollingbetweenherlipsandridingherchinfromwhereitsliddowntoher

neckandwaslostintheairbetweenus.Sheopenedhereyesagain.ItouchedhernosewithmineafterwhichIrubbeditagainsthers,justlikemothersdototheirbeautifulbabiestoexpresstheirlove.She,too,wasabeautifulbaby.Mybaby.Shesmiledwiththatmischievousshyness.Whatabeautifulmomentthatwas!And,ofcourse,Ihadtomakeitamemorableone,andhowcouldthatbewithoutakiss?Andthat’swhy,innotime,Ithoughtofsomanythingstomakeitaperfectkiss…I’lldothis…I’lldothat…Iwillembraceherthisway,holdherfacethatway…andthen…Somuchplanningforakiss.And,then,Iwentforit.

Soon,ourfaceswereclosetoeachother,slightlytiltedatoppositeangles,ourwarmbreathsfallingoneachother ’slips.Mylipstouchedhers.Ikissedher.AndIkissedheragain.Idon’trememberwhenIclosedmyeyesandIwaslostinher.ThatmomentwasaheaventhatIknewforthefirsttimeinmylife.Inthatmoment,Iforgoteverything,forgoteverythingthatIhadplannedafewminutesback.ForgoteventhefactthatIhadplannedsomething.ForgotthatthenextdayIwastoleavethiscountry.Forgotmyjob,theCATexam,forgotmyfriendsandmyfamily.Forgettingeverything,Ilivedthatonemoment…Thebesthourofmylife.

Idon’trememberwhetherIopenedmyeyesfirst,orshedid.Butwewerelookingintoeachother ’seyes.

Iwasstilllyingonher.Shesmiled,Ismiled.

Sheblinkedhereyes,Iblinkedmine.

Kissingmyforeheadonemoretime,shesaid,‘Iloveyousoooooooooomuch,Shona.’

AndIrubbedmynoseagainsthersonemoretimeandrepeated,‘Iloveyousosososomuch,sweetheart.’

Wehadbeensobusywithourromancethatweforgottolookatthetime.Wehadaskedthecabdrivertobethereatthehotelentranceby

7.30.Thewallclockinfrontofmesaiditwas8.30.‘Uh-oh!Doyouknowwhattimeitis?’I

asked,verycasually,smiling.Sheimmediatelylookedattheclock.Andthenshescreamed,justlikethewayshedidthedaybefore.

‘EIGHTTHIRTY????’

Andwiththat,shegotupfromthebed,panicked,rushedhereandtheregrabbingherbelongings,hercell,herpurse,hersandals…andalotmore.Iswitchedonthelightstohelpher.Shethenrushedtothewashroom,splashedalittlewateronherface,usedthesparetowelhangingbehindthedoor,pulledacomboutofherpurse,gotherhairdone,pulledoutalipstickanddaubeditonherlips.

Watchingher,IwonderedhowmuchlipstickIhadswallowedandIlaughedatmyselfwithout

sayinganything.Asshewasgettingready,Ipickedupherpurse.‘Boy!Seemslikeamagicalpurse.Somanythingsarecomingoutofit—comb,lipstick,hanky…Letmeseewhatelseisleftinthis,’Isaidlaughing.

Andatthatverymoment,sheslappedmyhandwhichwastryingtounzipthepurse.‘Bad

manners!Aboyshouldnevercheckagirl’spurse.’‘But,why?Doyougirlscarrybombsinyourpurses?’Isaidhandingitover.‘Evenatmyoffice,theyhaveappointedaladyatthegatetocheckthepursesofallthegirls.Iwonderwhatfunnythingsthosegirlsshowherintheirpurses…theysmilelookingatherandthenshesmilesbackatthem.’Ilaughedatmyjoke,butshedidn’t.

Shewasworriedaboutgettinglate.Inoticedthatand,parkingmylavishlaughtersomewhere,triedtoconsoleherwithasmile,‘It’sok,Khushi.Relax.We’llreachyourplacebefore10p.m.Don’tworry,dear.’

Wearinghersandals,shesaid,‘Shona,ifwedon’treachontimeandtheyfindoutathome,na,I’llbeinbigtrouble.’

SeeingherinthisstateIwentclosetoherandputmyhandsonhershoulders.‘Khushi.Everythingisgoingtobefine.Nomatterwhat,youwon’tbeinanytrouble.Ipromise.Willyoutrustmenow?’Igentlyaskedher.

Andveryinnocentlyshenoddedherhead.

‘Takeadeepbreath,haveasipofwaterandwewillmoveout.’Afewminuteslaterwewereintheback-seatofourcab.

‘Bhaiyya,backtoFaridabad,fromwherewecame,’Khushisaidtothedriver,inhaste.

But,aswefoundoutwhenwecameoutofthehotel,ithadrainedheavilyduringthepasthour.

Waterwas flushing down from the corners of the roofs of nearby buildings, rattling down pipesfromvariousfloorstothecommonground.Manholesontheroadswereopentolettheaccumulatedwateronthestreetsdrainout.

Ourcabstartedrolling.

‘Bhaiyya,howlongwillittake?’sheaskedthedriver.

‘Kuchkehnahinsakte,madam.Bahutbaarishhuihai.Busaageyroadpekahinjamnalagaho.’Thethoughtofapossibletrafficjamworriedherallthemore.Shelookedatme.AndItoldhertorelax.‘Iamtherewithyou,right?Sowhyareyouworried?We’llreachontime.’Hearingmytone,thedrivertoorealizedthatheshouldnotscareher.Infact,headded,‘Madam,ghabraanewaalitokoibaathinahinhai.Humpahunchjaayenge.’

Butsoonwefoundourselvesintrouble.Aboutfifteenminutesfrommyhotelwegotstuckina

trafficjam—probablythebiggestIhaveeverseeninmylife.Therewerehundredsofcarsinfrontofus,I’msure.Ahorriblejam.Waterrushedovertheroadstowardsthedrains.Everythingouttherewaswet.Theshopswereclosing;theirwetshutterswererollingdown.Thecars,bigandsmall,struggledtofindtheirway.Noneofthevehiclesonthatroadstayedinline.Everyonewasontheirown,findingalittlespaceforthemselves,competingwitheachotherbecauseofwhichnoonewasabletomoveahead.Whatamess!

‘Atruck’senginehasfailedtostart,halfakilometerahead,’weheard,whenourdriverrolledhiswindowdown.Hearingthis,almosteveryoneswitchedofftheirengines.Insideourcab,themercuryofpanicandhelplessnesswasrising.

Halfanhourafterthemostwonderfultimetogetherinmyhotelroom,wewerenowenteringaphasefullofanxietyanddespair.Withmewasagirlwhohadliedtoherfamilyandmanagedtoescapewithme.Apartfromheroffice,shehadneverstayedoutsolateatanyotherplace.Butthatday,shewasinanotherstateandtheguyshehadputallhertrustin(ofcourse,me)wasnotfamiliarwiththecity.Andtime…Timewasrunningfastinmywristwatch,butstoodstagnantwhenIglancedatthetrafficaroundus.Fifteenminutespassedandourcabdidnotmoveaninch.Itwouldbewrong

tosaythatIwasnotpanicking.ButIwasawareofmyresponsibilities.IwasresponsibleforKhushi’ssafety.

Eventually,ourcabdriveralsoswitchedoffthecab’senginewhichraisedthealreadyhighlevelsofanxietywithinusstillhigher.Somehow,arunningengineinatrafficjamstillappearsmorehopeful

thanaswitched-offone.Ofcourse, it’sallpsychologicalbut,unfortunately, itmadean impactonbothofus.

Andsinceitneverjustrains,butitpours—Khushi’scellphonestartedringing.

Shelookedatmeinfear.Ilookedatmywatch.Itwascloseto9p.m.

‘Whatifit’sMumma’sphone?’sheasked,worriedandallIcouldsaywas,‘Firstseewho’scalling.’

Sheopenedherpurseandbreathedasighofrelief.‘ThankGod!It’sNeeru.’

Sheput the phoneon speaker.Clearingher throat and recoveringher strength (which she lostwhensheheardthering),shesaid,‘Neeru.’

‘Whereareyou,yaar?’Neeruasked.‘Yaar,we’restuckinatrafficjam.’‘Butyou’reinFaridabadonlyna?’

‘Haanbaba…Wewenttoseeamovie.Meanwhileitrainedheavilyandallthewaterontheroadhascausedatrafficjamandwe’restuck.’

‘Theekhai,butcomehomequickly.IhavereachedhomeandhavetoldMummathatyourdoubtclassgotdelayedandyou’llreachhereinanothertwenty-thirtyminutes.’‘Thanks.We’rejustwaitingforthisjamtoclear.I’llbehomesoon,’Khushisaidandhungup.Twenty-thirtyminutes!?NobodycoulddrivetoFaridabadthatfast,eveniftheroadswerecompletelyempty.EvenKhushiknewthat.

‘Shona,I’mfeelingverytense,’shesaid,hervoicescaredandsoft.

Butobviouslywe’dbetense.Still,Isaid,‘Iknowdear.Butweshouldnotlosepatience.Intheworstcase,we’llreachyourplacealittlelate,right?Don’tworry.Ifthathappens,IwillexplaineverythingtoMumma.Theekhai?’Itriedtoconsoleher,raisingmyhandtomoveherheadclosetomesothatshecouldrestonmyshoulder.

Thenextmomentwenoticedthetrafficmovingaheadfromonecorneroftheroad.Likeeveryoneelse,ourdriverstartedtheengineandfollowedtheherdofthevehicles.Arayofhopebrightenedourfaces.

Inawhileourdrivergaveusareasontobolsteroursmile.‘Sahibabnikaljaayengeaaraamse,jamkhulgayahai.Basekbaarbordercrosskarlein.Phirhighwaytheekhai.’HewasreferringtotheDelhi-Haryanaborderwhichwesuccessfullycrossedinanother20

minutes.Butourdestinationwasstillmilesaway.

HerheadwasstillonmyshoulderandIkepttalkingtoher,tryingtodiverthermind.Shewasmovingherfingersonmypalm,drawingimaginarylines,playinglikeakid.Whenshereachedmythirdfinger,shestartedplayingwiththeringIwaswearing.Itwasanunusualringwiththreeintersectingsilvercircles,justliketheOlympiccircles.

Whensheaskedmeaboutthatring,Itookitasanopportunitytodivertherfromthepanicofthe

momentandstartedtellingheralittlestoryaboutmyringwhichbecameasmysteriousasTheLordoftheRings.

‘Aaah!’Isaid,asifshehadsteppedonabrokenlimb.

‘Whathappened?’sheasked,raisingherheadfrommyshoulder.

‘Nothing,’Irepliedverysadly,turningmyheadtotheotherside,lookingoutsidethecab’swindow.Surprisedbymyreaction,shedidnotsayanythingbutwaitedformetospeak.AndIdid,saying,‘Iknew,somedayIwouldhavetotellyouaboutthis…’

ThisstatementraisedhereyebrowsandsheinsistedItellhereverything.Ikeptlookingoutofthewindowandshekeptaskingmetorevealthestorybehindit.‘BataaonaShona…Tellmeplease…’Iwaskillingtime.Thecabwasspeedingahead.Andthoughtswererunningthroughhermindaboutthemysteryringonmythirdfinger.Moreso,becauseIappearedsoreluctanttotellher.‘Shonatellmena…kyabaathai,’sheagainasked,turningmyfacetowardsherwithherhand.‘Khushi…’Isaid,lookingather.

‘Hmm…?’

‘Almostayearback,beforeImetyou…BeforeImetyou…Imean…Itwaslike…Onedayabeautiful girl put this ring on my finger…’ and I turned away, avoiding her eyes and lookingoutsidethecabagain.

Silence…

Shewasstilllistening—allears—forgettingcompletelythatweweregettinglate.

Looking out of the cab I continued, ‘I always wanted to tell you this, but… but never got achance,forIdidn’tknowhowyouwillfeelaboutallthis.’

Hereyeswerestaringatmewithsomanyquestions.

Thenextsecond,hercellphonerang.ItwasNeeruagain,sayinghowtheirmomwasgettingrestlessandthefactthat,bynow,sheknewwellenoughthatKhushihadnotbeentoIMSbutsomewhereelsewithme.ShealsosaidthatitwasrainingheavilyinFaridabad.AndallthatKhushitoldherwastomanagethesituationsomehow,‘TellherthatIamstuckintherain.’SweetNeeruwasbouncinglikeashuttlebetweenhermotherandhersister.Thisisthefateofbeingtheyoungestinthefamily—everyonetendstopushyouaround.

Themomentshehungup,shereturnedtotheearliertopic.

‘Agirlgaveyouthis?’sheasked,lookingattheringandthenatme.Thatwasn’theronlyquestion,though.Therewasafusillade,readyforme.AndIkeptbeatingaroundthebush.Thiswentonforsome15minutes,whenshefinallyaskedme,pullingmyhandoverherhead,‘Swearonme,didagirlslipthisonyourfinger?’

Somuchexpectationinhereyes.ExpectationthatIshouldspeakthetruth.Andalsotheexpectationthatmyanswershouldbeabig‘No’—whichwouldhavemeantthatmyentirestorywasaliemeantonlytoscareher.But,breakinghersecondexpectation,Inoddedmyhead,acknowledgingthatallsheheardwastrue.

Pin-dropsilence…

Theenvironmentinsidethecabnowwasmuchmoretense.Thetrafficjams,reachinghomelate,standingbeforehermothertoadmitherlie,allofthisappearedsominusculeinfrontofthisgianttruth.Thegirl,whowasinmyarmssopassionatelyanhourago,wasnowfacingsuchadifferenttruth.Iexpectedhertoshoutatme,toyellatme,todosomethingbeforeItoldher.AndIwantedthistocontinueforafewmoremiles.

AndIwasdoingthatforareason.ThemoretimeIconsumed,thelessershewouldhaveworriedaboutreachinghomesolate.Itwasalready10p.m.

Butwhen that sweet and innocent heart sobbed,when the first tear came out of those beautifuleyes,Ihadtobreakthemystery.HowcouldIseehercrying?

‘HeyShonimoni…Listentome.’AndItookherinmyarmsandsaid,‘All thatyouheardwastrue,butinatotallydifferentaspect.Youhavetoknowthecompletestory.’

‘Tellmethen,’shesaid,rubbinghereyelashlikeakid,hereyesonmeagain.

‘Thegirlwhoslippedthison…Idon’tevenknowhername.Ihardlymetherfortenminutes.

Almostayearback,IwasatWaterloostationinLondonalongwithmyfriend,waitingformytraintoBelgium.Becausemytrainwasalittlelate,myfriendandIvisitedalittlestallontheplatformnearus.Agirlinthatstallwassellingrings.Fromthedisplay,Ilikedthisoneandpickeditup.ButIwaswonderinghowtowearthisringwiththreecircles.Tohelpme,sheheldmyhandandslippediton.Itlookedgood.Ithankedher,paidherfivepoundsandwalkedawaytocatchmytrain.’

Withthat,mytenseexpressionturnedintoamischievousoneandInoticedthecurveofherlipsexpandingeverymicrosecond.Herweteyeswerenowglitteringagain.

‘Onemorething…’Iinterruptedhersmile.‘Thatgirl…Shewasdamnbeautiful!’AndIlaughed.Andshelaughedtoo,punchingmeonmychestandshoulders.‘Youuuu…Youknowhowbadlyyouscaredme?I’mgonnakillyou,’shekeptshoutingatmeandpunchingmewhileIwastryingtosafeguardmyself.

Butthenextminute,hercellrangagainandonitsscreenwasflashing‘Neerucalling…’

Khushitookthecallandsaid,‘Neeru…I’mjustabouttoreach…Andlisten…’

Shedidnotcompleteherlinebutpausedthenandthere.Itwasn’tNeeru,buthermom.

Thefear returned toher face.Shewasshaking.Patting theshoulderof thedrivershegesturedhimtomutetheradio,andwithafingeronherlipstoldmetostaysilent.Thensheputhercellonspeakeragain.Itwas10.10.

ShetriedhardtoconvincehermomthatshewasstillatIMS,stuckintherain.Idon’tknowhowsuccessfulshewas.Itwasgettingdifficultforhertohidethetruth.Thelastthingshetoldhermomwasnottoworryasherentirebatchwaswithher,afterwhichbothofthemhungup.

Allmyefforttodivertherattentiontosomethingelsewithmyringstorycrashedinaminute.Whileshekepthercellbackinherpurse,thedriverturnedtheradioonagain,atalowvolume.BythenwewereonMathuraRoad,headingtowardsherhomeinFaridabad.‘Bhaiyya,howmuchmoretime?’sheaskedthedriver.

ButthedriverdidnotrespondandIsensedsomethingwasverywrong.

Anever-endingpoolofwaterwasinfrontofus,coveringeverythingontheground.Theroadhad

disappearedandeventhedividerwassubmerged.Ourcabwas,evennow,runningonwater-coveredroad.Everysingleminute,thewaterlevelwasincreasing,reachingalmostafoot.TheculpritwasFaridabad’sfabulousdrainagesystem.

Therewerenostreetlightsonthatroad.Oriftherewere,theywereoutoforder.Inthatpoolof

water,therewerevariousvehiclesstrugglingtomoveahead,inchbyinch.Intheheadlightsofourcab

Isawwavesinthewater,carryingleavesandstemsofsmallcreepersandweeds,beatingagainstthebodiesofthevehiclesstuckinthespate.Thecabwasstillgoingahead,ataslowerspeed.Weweremovingintodeeperwaternowand,finally,thedriversaidhecouldn’tgoahead.‘Sahibyechotigaadihai,enginemeinpaanichalajaayega.Humauraageynahinjaasakte.’ItriedtopersuadehimtogoaheadbuthewasadamantandIgotfurious.‘Bhaiyya.Isvaktna,meradimaagbahotjaadakharaabhorahahai,auragarfirsetumneyekahanaa…’Isaidtohim,losingmypatience,whenKhushiheldmywriststoppingmefromsayinganymore.Sheknewwedidnothaveanyoptionbuttosurviveonthedriver ’smood.SoIchangedmytoneandtoldhiminagentlemanlyway,‘Bhaiyya,mujhesirfinheghartakpahonchaanahai.Aappleaseaageychalteraho.Agaraapkicabkharaabhuitojobhikharchahogavomaindedunga.’Withmypleading,somehowheagreedtomoveahead.Hedrovethecabfurtherbutthegoingwasveryslow.

Itwas10.30now.Iknewthatoursituationwastense,andIwassickandtiredofbeingtense.Ourcabwasstuckinthatmessypoolwhen,allofasudden,atruckpassedusonourleft.Isawthosegiantwheelschurningthewaterlikeaturbine,generatingbigwavesofwater.IwastryingtoshowKhushithosecircularwaves,whosecircumferencewasexponentiallyrisingfrommylefttoherright,whenIfeltmysocksgettingwetinsidemyshoes.

‘Whatthefuck!?’

Thedirtywaterontheroadwasnowseepingintoourcab.Water,waterandmorewater…

Everywhere.Bubblingsoundscamefromunderthecab’sdoors.Ourfeetweredippedinwater,liketeabagsinacupoftea.

‘Shit…somuchwater?’shescreamed.

Wetookoffourshoesandliftedourlegsupontheseats.‘Yehtohonahitha,’thedriversaid.

Atthattime,wewerenotveryfarfromherhouse.Onanormalday,itwouldhavebeenafifteen-minutedrive.Butstuckinthatdisaster,itwashardtopredicthowlongitwouldtake.Gradually,theviewoutsideourcabwasgettingevenworse.Onebyone,almostallofthevehiclesstoppedmoving.Theirenginestooktheirlastbreathsandfailedtostartagain.Isawpeoplegettingoutoftheircarsandpushingthemfrombehind,inordertogetthemoutofthatpool.Itwasacompletemess.People,withtheirtrousersrolleduptotheirknees,barefoot,outoftheirvehicles,wereshoutingateachotherforvariousreasonsandfornoreason.Someofthemhadeventakenofftheirshirts.

Thefew,whowerestillbehindthesteeringwheel,werestrugglinghardtodriveandconstantlycursingeachother,especiallytheautorickshaw-wallas.‘Terebaapkisadakhai?’‘Abeysaaleypeechehatt!’‘Areyterimaaki…’Theyweregettingintofights,leavingbehindtheirdeadautos.

Backinthecabourmindsweretenseandtiredoftheeventsofthelasttwohours.Lookingatherthen,Ifoundherhandsjoinedandeyesclosed.ShewasprayingtoGod.Shewasveryscared.Andmaybeherprayerswerebeingheard.Maybethatwaswhyoursmallcabwasstillmovingaheadinthewaterwhenalmostallthesmallcarsonthatroadhadbrokendown.

Meanwhile,shegotanothercallfromhermother,whowasnowmorefuriousandmoreworried.

AndwhenshesaidthatshehadcalledupKhushi’scousin(whoalsolivedinFaridabad)togotoIMSandbringherhome,wehadtorevealthetruth.

TakingadeepbreathKhushisaid,‘Mumma,mainIMSmeinnahinhun.MainRavinkesaathhun…shaamse.Iamsorrykimaineaapkojhootbola.’

Iheldherhandinmyhand.Wewerebothscaredofwhathermother ’sreactionwouldbe.

AndKhushitoldme,afterthecall,that,surprisingly,hermotherrelaxedwhensheheardthetruth.Maybeshethoughtthatherdaughterwaswithsomeoneshethoughtshecouldtrust.Thecitywasnotsafeforwomen,especiallyatnight,whenthesavagesofthecitycameoutoftheirdensanddidallmannerofill.So,maybe,hermotherfeltsomecomfortknowingIwaswithKhushi.

Butthe‘truth’wetoldheronthephonewasstillahalf-truth.

Whenaskedwherewehadbeentillthen,KhushitoldherwhatshetoldNeeru,‘Mumma…we

wenttowatchamovie.Andwhenwecameout,ithadrainedsomuch,therewaswatereverywhere,andthenthetrafficjam…’

Whileshewasconvincinghermom,shestoleamomenttowhisperinmyears,‘Wehadbeento

seeMunnabhai,allright?’

AndIlovedherforthisveryreason.Thewayshehadthegutstotakeallsortsofriskstomakemefeelhappy, tomakemeenjoy thatdayofmy lifewithher,and toendurescoldings fromherfamilyforthat…Ifeltblessedtohaveherinmylife.

Oncethatconfession-callended,wefeltrelaxed,asifwehadgotaweightoffourhearts.

Wehadjusttakenaleftturntoenterherstreetwhenourcabsuddenlytiltedtotheleft.Thethreeofussliddowntowardsourleftandourhandsgrabbedourseats,tryingtokeepourbodiesupright.Morewaterrushedin.Therewasnowabouthalfafootofwaterinthecab.Ourshoeswerefloatingsomewhereinside.

Ourtiltedcabfailedtomoveahead,nomatterhowmuchthedriveraccelerated.Theleftfront-wheelseemedtobestuckinapothole.Inordertomoveahead,thedriveraskedmetopushthecabfrombehind.SoIjumpedoutintothepuddle.Itfeltjustlikejumpingintotheshallowendofaswimmingpoolexcept,inaswimmingpool,thewaterisnotsodirtyandyouarenotinyourjeansandshirt.

Istoodbarefootinthatpuddle.Myfeettouchedsmallstoneswithsharpedgesandsomebushystuffwhichmighthavebeenweedsorsomesmall,wateryinsects.Itwasalittlescary.Thewatercameuptomythighs.Evenrollingupthejeanstomykneesdidnotserveanypurpose.Iwentbehindthecab.ThedriverwasstillacceleratinghardandKhushikeptsaying,‘Shona…Sambhaalke…Dhyaanse.’

Ipushedthecabhard,butnothinghappened.

‘Sahibaurjorse…’shoutedthedriverfrominside.

Ofcourse,hewasshoutingandtalkingtome.ButIwaslostinmythoughts…

Iwassupposedtocatchmyflightinsixhours.IshouldhavebeenbackinmyhotelroominDelhi,takinganapsothatIcouldwakeupby4a.m.andgototheairport.ButIwasfaraway,stuckonaroadinadifferentcity,inwetjeans,awetshirtand,perhaps,wetinnerweartoo,standinginaneverendingdirtypond,pushingacabtotakemygirlfriendbacktoherhome.

Tobehonest,Ihadnohopesofmakingittotheairportinthemorning.OfcoursethetriptotheStateswasimportantand,forthat,catchingtheflightafewhoursfromnowwasimportant,andforthatreturningtothehotelinDelhiwasimportantbut,aboveall,togetherhomewasthemostimportant.

‘Sahibaurjorse…’shoutedthedriveronemoretime.

Finally,weweresuccessfulingettingthecabout.IobservedKhushi,whohadturnedaroundinherseatandwaslookingatme,breathingasighofrelief.

Thedepthofwateronthestreetaheadwasterrifying.Goingoninthatsmallcabdidnotlooklikeagooddecisionatall.Afteralittlebrainstormingweconcludedthatrestofthedistancecouldonlybecrossedbyrickshaw.Becauseofitsbigwheelsarickshawseemedtobetheonlyviableoption.SoIwalkeddowntheroad,stillbarefoot,tofindarickshaw.AndIhappenedtofindone,withmuch

difficulty,buttherickshaw-walladidnotagreetodriveonthatfloodedstreet.Whenhefinallydidagree,itwasbecauseIpaidhimtentimesthenormalfareand,thattoo,inadvance.Mynecessitywashisopportunity.

Isatontherickshawandgotbacktothecab.Inoticedbloodonmyrightfoot—Ihadacutonmy

righttoe.Buttherewereotherthingstoworryabout.Backatthecab,IaskedthedrivertowaitformetillIcamebackafterdroppingherhome.Itookhiscellnumberandgavehimmine.Khushigotoutofthecabandsatontherickshaw.Shewassoshockedbyeverythingthatwashappeningthatsheforgottogethersandalsandittookmeafewminutestofindthem.(Searchingforyourgirlfriend’sfootwearinthebackofacar,yourhandsdippedinadirtypoolofwater…Whosaysloveisalwaysapleasantexperience!)

ThewaterlevelonthisstreetwasthehighestandIwarnedtherickshaw-walla,‘Bhaiyayahaanparjaraadhyaanse…’Thewheelsoftherickshawwerealmostsubmergedinthewaterand,attimes,thewaterwassplashingatourfeet.Therickshawpuller ’sthighsmovedinandoutofthewaterontheroadashepaddledstrenuously.Butweweremakingprogressand,inanotherfiveminutes,ourjourneywasgoingtoend.

Andwiththatwouldendourbeingtogether,soclosetoeachotherforsolongthatday.InthenextfewminutesIwasgoingtoseeherforthelasttime,beforeIleftthecountry.Allthiswasrunningthroughourminds.

Andthatinstantturnedintoanemotional,romanticmoment.

Otherthanourrickshaw,therewasnovehicleinthatdesertedstreetfilledwithwater.Submerged,theentirestreetappearedsodesolate.Adifferentkindofsilenceprevailedandtheloudestnoisewasthechurningofthewaterfromthewheelsofourrickshaw.Themoonintheskyabovesawustogether,inthathardtime,attemptingtogetoutofit,ourcareforeachother.Shewasrestingherheadonmyshoulder,herhandswereinmylap.WithmyrightarmaroundhershoulderIwassupportingherastherickshawmadeitswayontheunevenroad.AndinmyotherhandIwasholdinghersandals.Takinghersandalsfrommyhandanddroppingthemonthefootrestoftherickshaw,sheheldmyhandandsaid,‘Shona!Ourlovestoryissodifferent…Isn’tit?’

‘Hmm…’Ismiled.

‘Thewaywefoundeachother,’shesaid.

‘Thewaywekepttalkingonthephoneandchattingforthepastfewmonths,’Iadded.‘Thecoincidences.’

‘Thewaywefellinlovewithoutevenseeingeachother.’‘Thewaywefinallymetandspenttheentireday.’‘Andthewaywearenow.’

Indeed, everythingwas so different about our love story.‘CanIsaysomething,Khushi?’

‘Yes,’shesaidwithsuchwarmth.

‘Iamgladthatsuchanightcameinourlife.Youknowwhy?Afterourmarriage,sittingtogether

onourterraceonbeautifulnights,wewillrecallthishardtimesomanytimes…IfeelsogoodthatIamabletogetyoubacktoyourplace,’Isaid.

Shepulledmyhandtowardsherandkissedit.‘Now,canIsaysomething?’sheaskedme.‘Hmm…Yes.’

‘Iamsofortunatetohaveyouinmylife.Thewayyoutakecareofme,protectme,loveme…Iknowourrelationshipdoesnotneedwordslike‘thankyou’and’sorry’butthereisonethingwhichyoudidtodayandwonmyheart,forwhichIcan’thelpthankingyou.’Shepausedforawhileandthensaid,‘ShallItellyouwhatitwas?’

‘Hmm.’

‘Ireallywantedtothankyouforthosebeautifulwordsyouwhisperedinmyear,inyourroom.Thatyouwouldn’tdoanythingourconsciencedidnotpermit.YouwonmyheartonemoretimewhenyoupromisedmethattherewouldbenothingthatIdidnotlike,nothingthatI’dregretlater.Foragirl,thosewordsmeanalotandIamgladyousaidthem.Iloveyousomuchbut,morethanthat,Irespectyouforwhatyouare.’

Sheopenedherhearttome.Inthatmoonlight,sittingbesideheronthatrickshaw,sailinginthatpoolofwater,Irealizedhowhappyshewas.Maybethat’swhyhereyesgotwetandhappinessdroppedoffhereyelashes.

‘IloveyouShona…Alwaysbewithmeingoodtimesandinbad,justthewayyouarenow,’shesaid.

‘Ipromise,’Isaid,wipinghertears.

Ourromantic,moonlightsafariendedwhenwereachedherhome.AtthegatewereNeeruandhermotherwho,afterbreathingasighofreliefonseeingherdaughter,walkedbackinsideshowinghermotherlyanger.

WegotdownandIaskedtherickshaw-wallatowaitforfiveminutes.AtthegateIaskedNeeru,‘What’shermood?’

‘Tillnowshewasworried,butnowit’stimeforhertoshowanger.Butshewon’tsaymuchbecauseyou’rehere,’Neerureplied,smiling.

‘Chal,I’lltakecareofthat.Buthey!Thankyousoooooooomuchforhelpingussofar.’Andthethreeofusmarchedin,withmeinfront.

IsawMummasittinginthedrawingroom.Withoutcaringthatmywetjeanswerespoilingtheircarpet,Iwenttoher.Justlikeanymotherinthisworldwouldhavefelt,shetoowasangry.Withoutsayingawordtoher,Ikneeleddowninfrontofher.Yes,Iwasonmykneesinfrontofmyfuturemother-in-law,lookinginhereyes.

VerypolitelyItoldher,‘Khushikikoigaltinahihaiismein.Yesaaraplanmeratha.Andyoucanpunishmeforthat.’(AndIsaidtomyself,‘Pleasedoitfast,Ihavetocatchmyplaneinafewhours.’)

Standingatthedoor,boththesisterslookedatme.Idon’tknowwhattheythought.WasIbraveorstupid?IdidnotwantKhushitokeepansweringhermother ’squestionsaftermydeparturesoItriedtosortthingsout,asfaraspossible,whileIwaspresent.IdidwhatIfeltwouldsafeguardher.

Thenextmoment,Mummahelpedmegetupandsaid, ‘Ise itnapyaarkartihunaa, isliye itnichintahotihai iski.Thodeydinomeinchale jaanahai isneyahaa seaapkeghar…’Shemeltedinside,thinkingaboutherbeloveddaughter.Allmothersaresoemotional,evenminewas.

Shefurthersaidthatwecouldhavetoldherthetruthandthenleftintheevening.Shewouldn’thavesaidno.(‘Ofcourse,shewouldnothavesaidnoforMunnabhai,butwhataboutDelhi?’Iwasstilltalkingtomyself.)

Well,that’showIhandledthesituationbackatherplace.WhenIcheckedmywatchnext,itwasmidnightandIhadtoleaveforDelhi,crossingthesamepoolofwater,thesamebrawlsandthesameborder,inthesamewaterycar.Timewasstillrunningoutand,ifeverythingwentwell,IwouldbeatIndiraGandhiInternationalAirportinanotherfivehours.

Theatmosphereatherplacewasmuchbetternow.Iwalkeddowntothebathroom,badlyneedingtopee.Ofcourse,beinginthosewetjeansforalmosttwohoursandsurroundedbywaterandmorewater,itwasonlynatural.

Alittlelater,backatthemaingate,allthethreeladieswavedmegoodbye.ButIwavedtotheonestandingaheadofeverybody.Ifeltsodifferentagain.IwaswavingtothegirlwithwhomIspentthelongestdayofmylife,thegirlwithwhomIenjoyedthebesthourofmylife.AndIkeptlookingathertillmyrickshawtookaleftturnandsheslippedoutofmyfieldofvisionandIfromhers.

Inashortwhile,Iwasbackinthecab.Thewaterlevelonroadhadgonedownandtheconditionswerebetternow.Wedidn’thavetoomanyproblemsgoingback.Thetrafficwasnegligiblebythen,thoughIstillsawafewdeadvehiclesoneithersideoftheroad.

Everyfifteen-twentyminutes,Khushikeptcallingmeonmymobiletocheckifeverythingwasfine.Shetoldmeshewasoutofherwetattireandwaslyinginhercutenightdressonhercosybed.Iloveditwhenshesaidthat.Itfeltlikebeingwithheragain.Wecouldn’ttalktoolongthough,asmycellphone’sbatterywasdying.

Iaskedthedrivertoswitchontheradio,wantingtocelebratethevictoryofthedayor,probably,

oneofthememorablevictoriesofmylife.SittingbesidethedriverIpulledbackmyseattostretchmyaching,wetlegs.Tappingmyfeet(andtheinjuredtoe)gentlytothemusic.Ilookedintherearviewmirror,onmyleftandIsawareflection…

Areflectionof the lights,of thosevehiclesstruggling in thewater,a reflectionof themomentwhenshewasrestingherheadonmyshoulderintherickshaw,areflectionofthetimeIwaspushingthe

cab,ofthecallsfromherhomewhichweweretooscaredtopickup.AreflectionofthatperfectkissinRoomNo.301,thatevening.

And,watchingthosereflections,Ismiledandclosedmyeyes.

‘Oh!Mumma…Sheissoperfect!’

Iwasattheairport,thelastpersoninthelongqueueheadingtowardstheBritishAirwaysterminal.Iwasstrugglingwiththelaptophangingonmyshoulder,pushingthetrolleywiththesamehandandtalkingtomymomanddadonmycell.Outside,itwasstilldawn.Thesunwouldriseinafewminutes.AndIwasdamnsleepy.Butthecoldshowerinthehotelhelpedmewakeup.AndtopushmeintotheshowerwasKhushi,whowokemeupat4a.m.sharp.

Backinmyhometown,momanddadwereanxioustoknowwhathappened.Dadseemedtobe

enjoyingmyanecdotesmuchbetterthanhismorningnews,otherwisehe’dneveraskmomtoputmycallonthespeakerwhilehehadhismorningtea.Howisherfamily?HowisherMumma?Whatdideveryonesay?What is theirhouse like?And thecraziestquestionwasmymom’s:Whatdidyouhaveforlunchthere?

(God!Lunch?)

‘Herfamilyisreallynice.Imethermother,hereldersisterAmidiandAmidi’shusbandPushkar.HeryoungersisterNeeruwasalsothere.Hermomisjustlikeyou.Ilikedeachoneofthem.Khushiisa very nice girl,Mumma…And I am very happy,’ I said afterwhichMumma said, ‘If you arehappy,wearehappy.’

Andthehappiertheywere,themoretheyquestionedme.IttookmealmosthalfanhourtoansweralltheirqueriesbeforeIbadethemgoodbyeandtheywishedmeahappyjourney.Afteralittlewhile,Ifeltlikecallingher.ThoughIknewshewouldbesleeping.WhileIsleptinpeaceforthreehoursinmyhotelroom,shewascheckinghercell’sclockeverynowandthensothatshecouldwakemeupontime.Nowitwasherturntosleepinpeace.Still,Idialedhernumber.Becauseinanothercoupleofhours,Iwouldn’tbeabletocallherup.

Iheardhercompletering,butdidnotgettohearhervoice.

Disappointed,Islippedmyphonebackinmypocketandmovedahead.Peoplewereshovingtheirtrolleyswithonehand,theirpassportandticketsintheother.SomewereenjoyingthemusicflowingoutoftheiriPods.Indianfaces,non-Indianfaces.Thewhitekidsstoodsilentlyinthequeue,holdingtheirparents’hands.Therestofthelittleonesrunninghereandthere,shouting,playing,wereallIndian.

IwasattheX-rayscanner,waitingformybaggagetoslideout,whenIheardmycellringing.Itwasher.

‘Uthgayamelababy…?’

‘Hmm…’Andinherwarm,sleepy,heavyvoiceshewaskissingme,probablywithhereyeshalfopen,stilltired.Hearingthesweetnessofhervoice,Iimaginedwakingupnexttoher,onthesamebed,somemorning.

Clearing her throat, she then started talking tome.Myqueuekeptmovingandwekepttalking.

Atthebaggagecheck-insection,shewasstillwithme.Attheimmigrationdesk,shewasstillwithme.

Atthesecuritycheckgateway,theofficialsseparatedherfromme.Theyaskedmetoswitchoffthecellphonebeforethecheck.ButthemomentIwasthroughwithit,shewaswithmeagain.Ibadlywantedtotalktoher,IbadlyneededherandIwantedtorunawayfromtheairportstraightbacktoher.Actually,Ifeltlikemarryingherthenandthere.IwassomuchwithherforthoseoneandhalfhoursthatIdidn’tevennoticethethirdandfinalannouncement,meantforme.Thelastwordswere:‘…BoardingFlightNo.BA182toNewYork,pleasereportatgateno.2.’

Iknowmynextstatementwillbehardtobelieve,butthisistrue.Milesawayfromme,lyingonherbedinadifferentcity,sheheardmynamebeingannounced(whichIhadmissed,thoughthespeakerboxwasrightaboveme),throughmycellphone.Unbelievable,isn’tit?

‘Shona,Ithinkit’sforyou,’shepanicked.

‘What?’

‘Thatannouncement.I thinkit’sforyou,’sheshoutedinhaste.‘Justasecond.’

Ipattedthebackofawhite-skinnedmaninfrontofme.HehadaUSflagonhisT-shirt.‘Wudgyaamindtellinmewhomtheywerecaallinfor?’Idon’tknowwhybuttalkingtogorastendstochangemyaccent.

‘Oh,youmeanthelastcall?’‘Yeah.’

‘SomeRavintoNewYork.Forfuck’ssake,whyarepeoplenotontimeattheairport?’

AndIkeptlookingintohiseyeswithangerbutdidn’tsayanything.Ofcourse,thefaultwasmine.‘That’sme,’Isaidfirmly,gettingclosertohisface.‘Butyouknow,hey…Thanksforlettingmeknowthatitwasme.’

Hisfacewassomethingtobeseen.Pale.Maybe,forasecond,herememberedthathewasn’tonhislandbutmine.Butbeforehecouldstartapologizing,Irushedtogateno.2.Onthecall,Khushiwasstillwaitingformyresponse.

But,whathappenednextatthegatewassurprising.

‘Khushi,I’llcallyoubackinawhile,’Isaidanddisconnectedthecallstilltryingtounderstandwhathappened.

Thesecurityladyatthedoorhadtakenmyboardingpass,swipeditthroughagadgetwhich

punchedasingleword,inboldredletters,onit.INVALID.Shethenreturnedittomewithasmileonherface.Ilookedatthepassandthenatherfaceandwondered—Nowwhatthehellwasthis?Then,shesnatcheditbackfrommeandtoreitintotwopieces,stylishly,anddroppedthemintothedustbin

besideherdesk.

Iwascompletelypuzzled.Didtheyfindsomedrugsinmybaggage?Orsomesmuggleddiamonds?Ormaybeahand-grenade?Jesus!Idon’tevenknowwhatgrenadeslooklike.Seeingtherestlessnessonmyfacetheladyfinallyrevealedwhatwasgoingon.‘Congratulations,sir!Youareourluckypassenger.Youwon’tbetravelinginEconomy,butintheBusinessclass.’

Withasmile,shehandedmeaBusinessclassboarding-passandaskedmetomoveaheadtotheplane.Therestofthepopulation,thepooreconomyclassone’swhoweremadetowaitjustbecauseofme,werethenallowedtofollow.

Whatasurprise!

Momentslater,IwasintheplaneandKhushiwaswithmeagain.Itoldheraboutmygoodluckandshepromptlysaid,‘BecauseI’minyourlife,onlygoodthingswillhappentoyou.’WhiletalkingtoherIsawthesamepassengerpassingby—theonewiththeUSflagonhisT-shirt.Iwavedtohimsarcasticallyandhemovedaheadtoeconomyclassasifhehadn’tseenme.ButIknewhehad.

Thirtyminuteslater,theplanewasgoodtotakeoff.Bythen,oneoftheair-hostesseshadalreadytoldme,twice,toswitchoffmymobile.ButIwaslike,‘Whocares?’Iwasstillbusywithmyromanceonthephone.

Whentheplanewasontherunway,theairhostesspleadedwithmeagaintoswitchoffmycell.IamsureshemusthavewonderedwhoallowedmeintotheBusinessClass.Iwasbehavinglikeaschoolkidwhomteacherstendtocomparetoadog’stail—nomatterhowyoutry,itcanneverbestraight.

Thistime,though,Igesturedhertocomecloserandaskedher,‘Haveyoueverfalleninlove?’Iwhisperedinherears.

‘What?’Shetookastepback.

‘Ontheotherendismygirlfriend,whomIwillmarrysomeday.Iwon’tbeseeingherforalong

timeandthesearethefew,finalmomentsbeforeIleavethiscountry.Andinthesemomentsshewantstobewithme.ShallItellherthatabeautifulairhostessiscommandingmenottotalktoher?’Shesmiledatmeandwentaway.Andinafewsecondsshereturnedwithatallglassofjuiceandsomecookies.Helpingmewiththeblanket,especiallycoveringmymobileandthehands-freewires,shewhispered,‘Enjoyyourmomentswiththese.’

AndofcourseIenjoyedmymomentswithKhushi.ShekeptkissingmeandIwasbiddinghergoodbyebeforethenetworkgotdisconnected.

Theplanetookoff.

AwayfromHer

Shelton,Connecticut

DayOne

Irememberwell.ItwasSaturdayevening,around7.30p.m.,whenIcheckedintomyhotel.Atthereception,whilemakingthepaymentwithafewtravelers’cheques,ImadesuremyroomhadanInternetconnection.

Thebellboyhelpedmeuptomyroomonthefirstfloor.Ihandedoveradollarbilltohim,thenenteredmyroom,leavingmybaggageatthedooritself,andrushedtoopenmylaptopbagandgoonlineatonce.IloggedintoYahoo!messenger.Yes,thatwastheveryfirstthingIdid.

ItwasearlymorninginIndiaandIknewshewouldbewaitingforme.Andshereallywas.

We’ddecidedearlierthatthiswasthetimewewouldbeonchat.Though,becauseI’dexpectedashorterjourney,Iwassomewhatlate.AndaftertheeighthourjourneyfromDelhitoHeathrow,thethreehoursintransit,theeighthoursfromHeathrowtoNewYorkandthetwohours,bycab,fromNewYorktoShelton,Iwasseverelyjet-lagged.

Butthosetwentyfourhoursofnotbeingabletotalktoheroverrodeeverythingelse.

Shewasdelightedtoseemeonline.AndsowasI.Butherdelightwasgreaterwhichiswhyshewrotesomanymessagesinafractionofsecond:

Heyyy….Shona…youdere.

Howru…wendidureach.Howwasyourjourney?Whereareyounow?Youdere?BUZZ

And I didn’t reply, just asked her, ‘Did umissme?’‘Soooooomuchdear.AndYou…?’

‘Hmmm…Iwillletyouknowbutfirstswitchonyourspeakersandacceptthevoicechatrequest.’Itoldhereverythingaboutmyjourney—theflights,thetransit,thepassengersandhowImissedheramideverything.Shetoldmehowshespentherentiredaywithouttalkingtome.Evenherfamilyrealizedhowmuchshewasmissingme.Hearingeachother ’svoiceafteranentiredaywasso…touching.Thishadneverhappenedinthepastsixmonths.WekepttalkingforalongtimeanditwasonlywhentheelectricitywentoffinFaridabadandherUPS,too,gaveupthatwefinallybadegoodbye.

WhichwaswhenIrealizedthatIshouldtakeoffmyshoes(whichIwaswearingsincetheday

before),shouldbringmyluggage(whichwasstillinthegallery)intomyroomandthat,inthehastetotalktoher,Ihadleftmywalletatthereception.

DayThree

ItwasaMonday(OGIM—OhGod,it’sMonday!).Myfirstdayatmyclient’soffice.

In theoffice, I firstmetwithallmycolleaguesfromInfosyswho’darrivedonsitebeforeme—someoldfacesandsomenew.Inforeignlands,weIndiansalwaystendtolookforfellowIndiansfirst.AndIam,proudly,onesuchIndian.

Inthenextfewhours,myprojectmanagerintroducedmetoourclientandviceversa.Morethantheirfaces,Iwastryingtorememberthewaytothecafeteria,totheconferenceroomsand,ofcourse,totherestrooms.

Verysoon,Iwasoccupiedwithmywork.Myweekdayspassedintheoffice,workingalongwithmyclient,meetingwithdifferentstakeholders,offshorecallsandenjoyingdifferentlunchesinthecafeteria.Intheevenings,IusedtogobacktomyhotelandstudyfortheCAT.Often,Iusedtocookmydinnertoo.(Tobehonest,therewasnothingtocook.Ijustheatedthefrozeneatables.)

But,nomatterwhatIdid,shewasalwaysonmymind.

ImissedherinmyUSdaysandshemissedmeinherIndiannights.ShemissedmeinherIndiandaysandImissedherinmyUSnights.Lifewasn’ttooeasy.Wecouldn’tcalleachotherwheneverwewished.Twiceaday,wewereonchat:mymornings,afterIwokeupandbeforeshewenttobed;mynights,beforeIsleptandaftershewokeup.

DaySeven

Wewereonchat,justlikeanyotherday,andsheaskedmetodosomethingspecialforher.

‘Shona,Iwantyoutowritemeanemaileveryday,beforeyousleep.

TheywillbewithmeandIwillreadthemoverandover,wheneverImissyou.’

But,breakinghersweetexpectationIreplied,‘Hmm…Iwilltry.ButIdon’tknowifIcandoitaftersuchhecticdays.Office,CAT,chats,dinner…thereissomuch,youknow.’IsaidthatnotbecauseIdidn’twanttowritetheemails,butbecauseIwantedtogiveherabeautifulsurprise.

Iwroteadiaryforher.

Somehow,Ibelievedthathandwrittenwordscarrymuchmoremeaningandmuchmorefeelinginthem.Theyhaveaspecialsomethingthatcan’tbeconveyedinsterile,electronicmails.Ididn’ttellheraboutit,butattheendofeveryday,Istartedwritingmyfeelingsforherinadiary.EachandeverypagedescribedhowImissedher,whatallIwantedtodohadshebeenwithme,wrotesmallversesforher.Andherhalf-sketchedpicturewhichIdrewwhilethinkingofher,butleftincompletewhenIrealizedIwasapoorartist.

DayTwelve

ItwasaFriday(TGIF—ThankGod,it’sFriday!).IntheWest,thisdayoftheweekisagoofyday.

Officiallyitisaworkingdaybut,unofficially,it’sanythingbutaworkingday.Though,becausewewereourclient’svendor,ourweekendsstartedonlyfromFridayevenings.

Enjoyingtheseevenings,weusedtohangoutinbunchesatthediscotheques,pubs,eatingjointsandbowlingalleys.Orwewoulddrivedowntothenearestcityhostingadesimovieshow.AndMunnabhaiwasrunningintheUStheaterstoo,makingmerecallthattroubledandtendernight.Weekends,onsite,werealwaysfun.Buttherewassomethingdifferentthistime—IhadtofacethisquestionfrompeoplewithwhomIenjoyedmyweekendsduringmypasttrips.‘Butyouusedtobooze,right?Sowhathappenednow?’

Iwantedtotellthemthetruthbutdidn’t.Thereasonbeing,inmyearlierlife(Imean,beforeIfellinlove)Iusedtogivethemgyaan,tellingthemguysshouldnotchangethemselvesforgirls.HowcouldItellthemthatI’dleftmyoccasionalliquorforagirl?SoIhadtogivethemfakereasons.

AndI’lltellyouwhat.It’shardtogivefakereasons,fortworeasons.First,there’stremendous

pressure from friends, especiallywhen they are totally drunk and start swearing on each other ’snametomakeyoudrink.Andsecond,myownwillingnesstobooze.

ButIdidn’t.

AndIwashappythatIkeptmypromisetoher.

DayThirty

Onemorning—itwasprobably9o’clock—Iwasinmyofficeandsignedintomymessenger.Asusual,shehadleftavoicemessagetomakemyday.Bynow,Ihadaplentyoftheminmyvoicemessagelist.TheywereallsosweetthatIneverfeltlikedeletinganyofthem.Butthen,whenthemessageboxgotfull,Ihadtotakeupthedifficulttaskofchoosingwhichonetodelete.TherewasonewhichIcouldneverdelete,though,foritwasthecutestofall.Init,shewaschildishlyangryatmebecauseIdidn’tcomeonlineonedayandwasyellingatmedespitehavingacold.Iwastakinganoffshorecall,talkingtomyprojectteambackinIndia,whenIsawthatshehadcomeonline.

‘Ihavetoshowyousomething,’shemessaged.

TowhichIreplied,withonehandputtingthespeakerphoneonmute,‘Iamrunningbusy…You’llhavetowaitforawhile.’

Thenextminute,myclientmanagergrabbedme foradifferentmeeting inanotherconferenceroom.ThatdayIkeptrushingfromonemeetingtoanother.Somedaysarelikethatandthiswasthatkindofday.Atnoon, Ientered thecafeteriaalongwithmyclients for lunchand itwas then that Iremembered—shewaswaitingforme.

Damn!

IrushedbacktomyroomandtomylaptopwhereIcheckedthenumerousmessagesshehadleft.Thelastoneread,‘KabaaogeShona…Ihavetoshowyousomething.’

Icheckeditstimestamp.Shewrotethatanhourback.Ifeltbadformakingherwaitforme,forso

manyhours.Workingintheafternoonshift,gettingbackat11inthenightandthenwaitingformefor

thelastthreehours…Shemusthavebeensotired,sosleepy.Whatdidshewanttoshowme?Hadshegone?Wassheasleep?Herstatusonthemessengerappeareddormant.Iquicklyfishedmycallingcardfrommywalletanddialedhernumber.Afterafewringsitgotdisconnected.Iwastryingoncemorewhen,suddenly,hermessageflashedonmylaptop’sscreen,‘Wasityou?Ruonline?’

I quickly got on the keyboard. ‘Yes dear,’ Iwrote.‘Wherewereyou…?’

‘Msososo…sorrydear.Iambad.Imadeyouwaitforsolong…Actually,sincemorning,Iamrunningsobusyhere,Icompletelyforgotthatyouwereonlinewaitingforme.AtleastIshouldhavetoldyouthatImightnotbeabletoturnup…:-(’

‘Thishappenssometimes.Icanunderstand.’Shedidn’tshoutatme.

‘Stilluknow…Buthey…Icannotwaitforthatthingyouwantedtoshowme.Tellmewhatthatwas.’

‘Canyoushowthattomenow?’Iaskedheragain.

Andshereplied,‘Yes…herecomesthefirstone.Checkyouremail.’

Irefreshedmymailboxandafreshmailfromherarrivedinitwithasubjectlinethatread:1.Andthencameanother:2.Andthen,3,4,5,6,7,8and9.

Nineb-e-e-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-lphotographsofher.

Amazedandspellboundbyherbeauty,Ikeptstaringatthosepictures.Withoutanydoubt,those

wereherbestpictures.Theyhadamagicaleffectonme.Inthatmoment,Istruggledwithtwothings:first,myunwillingnesstotakemyeyesoffanyonepictureand,second,theeagernesstoseetheothersatthesametime.

Whatasweetsurpriseshehadgivenme.Myheartwasoncloudnineknowingthatthisbeautywasmine,andwhenbeautyoverridesyourbrain,youdon’tknowwhattosay,yougonumbwithpleasure.Then,realizingthatherinnocenthearthadsacrificedanight’ssleepwaitingforme,Ifinallytyped,‘HeyAngel…becausethat’swhatyoulooklikeinthosepictures.Thankyousomuchdear,forsuchasweetsurprise.’

Simultaneously,hermessageflashedonmyscreen,‘Achchilagrahihunamain?Youwanttosaysomething?’

‘Bahut!:-*Iwon’tbeabletofindbetterwordsthanwhatIamfeeling.OrmaybeIwill…’

And before I could complete my line, I heard the door of my room opening followed byfootsteps.Iturnedback.Itwasmymanagerwhowasonthephonewithsomeoneandwascallingmeforanotherquickmeeting.Ibeggedhispardonfortwominutes,inwhichImanagedtosaygoodbye

toher.

‘Iamstillinabeautifulshock,’wasmylastmessage.

Ididn’teatlunchthatafternoon.Thefeastformyeyessatisfiedmyhunger.

Thatdayonwards,oneofherpictures—theonlyonewithaclose-upofhers—becamemydesktop’swallpaper.

DayForty-Five

IboardedmyplanebacktoIndia.

Return

ItwasalmostmidnightwhenIgotoffatDelhiairport.AssoonasIwasoutoftheimmigrationchannel,IswitchedonmyIndiancellphone.AndIcalledmymombeforeanybodyelse,likeshewanted,toletherknowthathersonwasbackandwasabsolutelyfine.Shetoowasexpectingmycall,andthat’swhyshecouldn’tsleep(mom’sarelikethat).Ispoketoherforafewminutesandbadehergoodnight.ThenImovedtotheconveyorbelttopickmyluggage.

Attheexitgate,IbookedacabtoFaridabad.

No,Iwasn’theadingtowardsherbuttoahotelshehadbookedforme.WelearntfromourpastmistakesthatcommutingbetweenFaridabadandDelhicouldbemorethanalittleproblematic.SowhynotbookahotelinFaridabaditself?

IwasinthecabwhenafewSMSsmadeasharpentryinmymessagebox.AllofthemwerefromKhushi.Thetopmostoneread:

Urhotelisbooked.Gimme

acallwenyouland.

IwasveryeagertotalktohernowthatIwas,onceagain,inhercountry…Imeanourcountry.It’s

suchadifferentfeeling,returningtoyourbelovedafteralongtime.Everythingaroundyouappearssolovely.Everybeautifulthingbringsasmiletoyourface.Everyhour,thelevelofyouranxietyincreasesasthetimebeforeyou’llseeeachotherdecreases.

Icalledherup.Later,shetoldmewhatshedid:Seeingherfavoritenameonthedisplayofher

phoneaftersolong,sheheldherhandtoherheart,smiled,closedhereyes, thankedGod, tookadeepbreath,openedhereyesandpickedupthephone.

‘H-i-i-iiiiiiiiiiiii!’Shejumpedloudlyontheground.

‘Haha…Helloooooooo!’Iwashappytohearhercrazy’hi’,justlikeakid.‘I

amsososohappyyou’reback.’

‘SoamI.’

Andwewentcrazy.Shouting.Laughing.Singing…Thatwashowhappywewere.

I heard her, going merrily around her house, letting everybody know that I was back. In aroundrobinfashion,eachandeveryladyinthehousetalkedtome.

‘Mujhebhido…mainebhibaatkarnihai.’

‘Dadissleeping,somaybeyouwillbetalkingtohimtomorrow,’shesaid.

Well,wekepttalkingtillIreachedmyhotel.Ofcourse,therewasnoreasonwhyweshouldn’tbedoingthat.Gettingthedirectionsfromher,Iexplainedthemtothedriverofmycab.

MagpieHotelonMathuraRoadwasmydestinationforthenight.Itwasnotthatgoodahotel,butshehadbookeditbecausemostofthegoodhotelsinthecitywerefullasitwasthemarriageseason(October)and,moreimportantly,itwasthenearesttoherplace.

OnmywaytoMagpie,wewerepassingthroughtheoutskirtsofthecityandmycellwasfrequentlylosingitsnetworkcoverage,andIdialedhernumberagainandagain.Beforegivingoutcompletely,thenetworkplayedhideandseekonmymobile’sscreenforawhile.IsomehowmanagedtosendheranSMS:

WllcaluonceIrchhotel.

Towhichshereplied:

NO.CALMEDMOMENT

U R GNG 2 OPEN UR ROOM.DN’TFORGET

Well,Ididwhatshewanted.Halfanhourlater,asIwasunlockingthedoorofmyroominthehotel,Icalledher.WewerebackonthephonewhenImovedintothedarkroom.

‘Ok,nowonyourrighthand,thereisaswitchboard.Thefirstoneisthelight,’shesaid.AndIwonderedwhyshewasinstructingme.

Theroomwascold.TheACwasonandtherewasabeautifulfragranceintheroom.

Inthelightofmycellphone’sscreen,Iswitchedonthelightsoftheroomandwhatcamenextwasasweetsurprise.

‘OHMYGOD!’

Infrontofmewasagiantbedwithtwobouquetsofroses,alongwithanoteoneachoneofthem.Andtheyread—‘Welcomeback’and‘Imissedyousomuch.’

Apartfromthis,therewasatissuepaperpeekingoutfromunderthecushions.FromadistanceIcouldnotreadit,butInoticedthemaroonimpressionofherlipsonit—alovelyadvancegiftoflove

whichsheleftforme.

Ireadthenote.

While youwere gone, I realized how badly I need you formyself. Iloveyousomuch.

‘Iloveyousomuchdear,’wasthesweetreactionofmymeltingheart.Iinhaledthescentofherkissonthattissueandkissedit.Sheheardmedoingthat.Iwantedhertohear.

Thenextmoment,someoneknockedatmydoor.

‘Whoisit?’Iasked.

‘Bellboy,’camethereply.

‘Twominutesdear,thereissomeoneatthedoor,’ItoldKhushiandopenedthedoor.‘Sir,Ihavegotwaterforyou.’

‘OK.’

HecameinwithabottleofBisleriandanupside-downglass.Hekeptitbesidemybedand,fromthecornerofhiseyes,henoticedallthatwaslyingonit.Thoseflowers,thatnote.Maybehesawthe

kisstoo.Hesmiledtohimselfforafractionofasecondandthenreturnedtohisformaldemeanor.Whilegoingback,henoticedahalf-filledglasscoveredwithalid,alongwithanotherbottleofwater.

‘Ohyouhavealreadygotwater.’

‘That’snotmine.Youcantakeitaway,’Isaid.

As I said that, I heard her voice from the cellphone. Shewas shouting ‘Shona! STOPHIM…Don’tlethimtouchtheglass….’

‘RUKO!’Ishoutedattheboy.

Andhearingtheintensityofthat‘RUKO,’hefroze,justlikeastatue.Asif,thenextmoment,hewasabouttotripamineandIsavedhim.Helookedatmecuriously.EvenIwasn’tsurewhyshehadaskedmetodothat.

I told him, ‘I’m all good. You can leave.’Confused,helefttheroom.

Closingthedoorfrominside,Iaskedherwhyshereactedthatway.

‘Iwantyoutodiscoverthatyourself,’shesaid.Shewascalmagain.

WhileIwaswonderingwhatshemeant,sheaskedme,‘Aren’tyouthirsty?’

‘Maybe,’Isaid,removingthelidcoveringtheglassandliftingit.

ThenIheardhersaying,‘YoucanhavethewaterwhichIleftinyourroom.’

IwasabouttotakeasipwhenIrealizedthathersweetsurpriseswerestillcoming.Myheartwas

smilingwiththedelightsitwasreceiving.Therewerepatchesofherlipstickonthecircumferenceofthatglass.Havingsippedsomeofthiswater,shehadlefttherestforme.Whatasweetheart!

‘Youaresuchadarling,’Islowlysang,enjoyingthewater,drinkingitexactlyfromthespotwhereshehadpressedherlips.

Ourconversationturnedromanticandwekepttalkingofbeautifulthingsforquitealongtime.Ithinkitwasaround2a.m.whenwefinallyseparated.Imadehersleep,afterwhichIwentandshowered.ThelastshowerIhadtakenwasthirtyhoursback,intheUS.

Laterthatnight,onmybed,surroundedbythosebeautifulroses,Iwroteheramessage:

Smhowthose45dayshvpassed

bt this hiatus of few hrs to see u again iskillingme.GoodniteAngel.

Unfortunately,thenextmorningwasn’tapleasantone.

Jetlag,changeofweather,thewearinessafteralongjourneyandmynightshower—allbroughtmedownwithacold.Iwassneezing,hadabadheadacheandanachingthroat.Inotherwords,Iwascompletelyscrewedup.

Inthatunpleasantcondition,Iwasturningleftandright,squeezingthebouquetswhichIhadbeenembracinginmysleep.Ittookmealongwhileto,finally,openmyeyescompletely.ThenInoticedherSMS—Willbedereat11.

Itwasquartertoteninmywatch.

Damn!Iwantedtoreplyaskinghertocomealittlelater.ButIdidn’t.Rather,gatheringallmy

energy,Igotready.Itookawarmshowerthistime.IwasslowineverythingIwasdoing.Andallthat

wasrunninginmymindwas:WillIgetbetterbythetimeshecomeshere?

Byeleven,Iwasthroughwithmybreakfastandshecalledmeuptosaythatshewasgoingtobelate.Shewouldbeatmyplaceinthenexthalfanhour.

‘OK,’Isaid.IkeptthecallshortbecauseIdidn’twanthertonoticemycondition.Iwasstillsneezingandcoughing.Andsomeoneseemedtobebeatingagiantdruminsidemyskull.Theheadachewaskillingme.Irarelygetheadaches,butthatwasonerareday.Justmyluck!

Forthenexthalfanhour,weirdthingswererunningthroughmybrain.

‘Damn!DidIhavetocomedownwithacoldtoday,ofalldays?’Withmyrunningnoseanda

heavy,chokedvoice,mydesiretokissheragainafterforty-fivedaysgotcrushed.IhadbeenwaitingforsuchalongtimeandthenextdayIwastoflybacktoBhubaneswar.Moreover,IwasnotsurewhenIwouldseehernext.

‘WhatifIstillkissher?’Iwasstilltalkingtomyself.Thatonewishwasdebatingwiththegermsofcoldinme.Butthen,intheevening,Ihadtobeatherplace.Whatifherfamilynoticedhersneezingandcoughing,justlikeme?WouldtheyfigureouthowItransferredmyvirustotheirdaughter?(Yes,Iknow,attimesIthinktoomuch.)

Butshereachedthehotelandgavemeamissedcall,interruptingmyweirdthoughts.Irushedoutofmyroomtoreceiveher.And,atlast,aftertheselongoneandahalfmonthsofbeingapart,wewerestandinginfrontofeachother.

Shewaswearinganicewhitetop,bluedenim(aperfectfit),alightshadeofglossylipstickandsmallearrings.Herhairwasuntied,thebreezescatteringitacrossherface.Mybeautifulwasinfrontofme—hersneezinghandsome.

Herblushesandsmilesrevealedhowdelightedshewastoseeme.Shesmiledandhereyes

revealedhersatisfactionofbeingwithmeagain.AndwithinmeIwasallhappy,excitedandnervous.‘Hi,’Isaid,givingherasmall(ormaybethesmallest)hug.Ididthatwiththefearofothersnoticing,thoughtherewasnooneoutside.Therewasalittlehesitationintheinitialmoments.Ithappens,youknow…Andwiththat’Hi,’sherealizedmyconditionimmediately.‘Coldhuahaitumhe?’sheasked,raisinghereyebrows.

‘Nah…It’sjustalittlething,’IansweredasifIwasfine.

‘But…’Andshekeptlookingatme,tryingtohelpme.‘Youwanttotakesomemedicine?’

‘No…no.It’sokay,dear.Iwillbeallright…Justbecauseoftheclimatechange.ButIwillbefinesoon.Nowshallwemoveinorarewegoingtostandherefortherestoftheday?’Isaid.Theworryonherfaceturnedintoalittlesmile.(Afakeone—shewasstillworried.)Wewenttomyroom.ShesaidIshouldhavesometeainordertohelpmycold,soIorderedacupofitformyselfandasoftdrinkforher.(Nobodyinherfamilydrinkstea,remember?Strangefamily.)Herphysicalpresenceinfrontofmeaftersuchalongtimewasmakingmeconscious.Idon’tknowwhy,attimes,Igetintothatmode.AndintheseblankconditionsIalwaysneedsometimetogetintoacomfortzone.Butthefeelinginsidemewasgood.Toseeher,tositbesideher,touchheragain….But,allthiswithoutinhalingherfragrance.(Blockednosescan’tsmell.)Butthatshorttea-time(myteatimeandhersoft-drinktime)helpedmefeelbetter,physically,allowingmetimetobecomecomfortableinhercompany.

Afewminuteslater,Iwastellingherthestoriesofmyonsitetrip,discussingofficialthings,

laughingatstupidones,watchingthepicturesIhadtakenintheUS,onmylaptop.Innotime,onthatgiantbed,wewerelyingonourstomachs,nexttoeachother,ourfeetpaddlingintheairaboveus,ourhandsunderneathourchinsandoureyesonthescreenofthelaptop.WewerewatchingthoseshortmoviesIhadshotonmytrip.Andbesideus,werethoseflowerswithwhichIsleptthenightbefore,hernotesandthetissuecarryingherkiss’simprintwhichwasnowmakinghershy.Shewasactingasifshenevernoticedthatonmybed.

Withmycold,Ididn’tfeellikeroamingaroundthemallsofFaridabad,sowehadtocancelher

plan.Rather,westayedbackinourroom.Wediscussedsomeimportantthings.Like,whenshouldourparentsmeet?Whattimewillitbegoodforustogetmarried?Whereshouldwesettledownaftermarriage,takingourcareersintoconsideration?

AndIrememberwell,onthatlastquestionshequicklyresponded,‘ItshouldbeDelhi.’‘ButwhynotBhubaneswar?’Icalmlyrevoltedback.

Andlikeafive-year-oldkid,sheanswered,fullofinnocence,‘ItwillbehardformetolivefarawayfrommyMumma.’

Strokingherforeheadandhair,Isaid,‘Wewillbringyourmomforyou,indowry.’Andwelaughed.

Duringourconversationthatday,wetookaU-turntodiscussourrespectivepasts.Ourcollege

life,ourschoolfriendsandourfamily.Thesweetmemoriesandthehardtimes.Andononeoccasion,sheburstintotears.Shehappenedtorecallsomethingsinherlifewhichshecouldneversharewithanyoneelsebutme.Takingherinmyarms,Iwipedhertears.Shesaidshefeltrelievedaftersharingthatwithme,andshemademepromisethatIwouldnevertellittoanyone.Andpromises…Promisesaremeanttobekept.

Iheldherheadonmyshoulder, rubbingherbackgently,dryinghermoisteyes.Shefeltgoodandrestedinmyarmsforquitesometime.

InordertochangehermoodIstartedtellinghersomejokes,justtocomforther.AndwhenIsawthatsmilereturningtoherfaceIsaid,‘Hmm…SoletusseewhatIhavegotfromtheUSformydearest…’

‘Sachhi?’

‘Muchhi,’Isaidandjumpedoutofmybedtounlockmybag.Shealsofollowedmeand,whileIwasopeningit,shestoodbehindme,lookingovermyshoulder.Iquicklyrecalledsomethingandturnedbacktosay,‘Girlsarenotallowedtostareinguys’bags.’

Shelaughed,butfoughtbacktostandthereandcheckmybagalongwithme.SeeingthebigpolythenebagItookout,hersmilewidened.Butwhenshereachedforit,Igrabbeditback.‘A…a…aa!Notlikethis.Letmeopenitandshowyou.’

‘Ok.’

AndIpulledoutapurpletopwithshortsleeves,alongwithamatchingpastel-colouredskirt.

‘Wow!’shestaredatthedressopen-mouthed.‘Thisisawesome!’(Girlslovesurprises.No?)

‘Notyet,’Isaid.‘Forittobereallyawesome,itneedstobeonyou.Wearitandshowme.’I

pointedtothewashroom,whereshecouldgoandchange.Carryingasmileandthatdressshewalked

away.

Backinthatroom,Icrossedmyfingers.Ihadneverboughtanythingofthatsort,ever,foranygirl.Ididn’thaveasister,nordidIhaveanypriorgirlfriendwithwhomIcouldhavelearntsomethingaboutbuyingclothesforgirls.

Afewminuteslater,Iheardthewashroomdoorgettingunlocked.Shepoppedherheadoutfirstandasked,‘ShallIcomeout?’

‘Please!Iamdying,’Isaid.

‘1…2…3…’Shecountedbeforecomingout.Andthen,shewasinfrontofme.Seeingher,Iuncrossedmyfingerswithimmensepleasure.Shelookedstunninginmygift.‘B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!’

And,suddenly,Iturnedmygazeawayfromher,thinkingthatmylookingatherthatwayshouldnotbringherbadluck.Butthen,Ilookedatheragain—Icouldn’tresist.

Thattopandtheskirtsuitedherbodysowell,asiftheyhadbeenmadejustforher.Iwassurprisedand,silently,Icongratulatedmyself.Evenshewassurprisedand,probably,that’swhyshesaid,‘Ineverknewyouknowmesowell.’

Thatdress…or,shouldIsayherbeautifulbody-linewascomplementingthedress.Lookingat

herselfinthemirrorofmyroom,shesaid‘Ilookmybestinthisdress.ThisisthebestoneIwillhaveinmywardrobe.’

‘Thenpromiseme.’‘What?’

‘Thatthisonewillonlybewornbyyouandnooneelse…Notevenyoursisters.Iwanttoseethisonlyonyou.’

‘Ipromise.’

Andwiththatpromisesherealizedthatshewasgettinglate.Ihelpedherpackhergiftsinapolythenebagafterwhichshehuggedmeandsaid,‘It’sbeautifulbeingwithyouaftersolong.’‘Samehere.’

Atthedoorsheexplainedthewaytoreachherhome.Iwastovisitherfamilyagain.

‘Don’tbelate.’Shesaidandwavedmegood-byeandleft.Iwaswalkingdowntoherplaceintheevening.IthinkIwastwoblocksawayfromherhousewhenIsawtwopeoplewalkinginmydirection.Onewasaboutthreeyearsold,andholdinghishandwasamanofaboutsixty.IthoughtIknewwhotheywere.

Seeingme,theoldmanhalted.

Thelittlekidtriedtopullhimalong.‘Chalo!IceCream!’hescreamed.Thepoorkidtriedhisbestbutfailed.

Ilookedatthepersoninfrontofmeandtheoldmanraisedhisfinger,afewlinesappearedonhisforehead.HewaswonderingifIwastheirguestfortheevening.

Butbeforehecouldspeak,Isaid,‘IthinkIamcomingtoyourplace.AmIright?’‘Ravin?’

‘Haanji.’Ismiledandtouchedhisfeet.

He was Khushi’s dad and the kid was Daan who was pulling his grandfather to the nearesticecreamparlor.

Butnow, thecutekidheldmyhandandshoutedonthestreetaskingme,‘AapKhushimaasikedostho…hain…aaphona?’

Ibentdownandkissedhissmallhands,saying,‘Haha…hmm.’

Soonheforgotallabouttheice-creamandstartedpullingmetowardshishouse.Allthewhile,hekeptshouting,‘Aaona…Maasiaapkeliyetayaarhorahihai…Aao…Aao.’HekeptpullingmetillIenteredtheirhouse.Innotime,IfoundmyselfsurroundedbyMumma,NeeruandMishadi(Daan’smother).EverybodywaslaughingatthewayDaanwasdraggingme.IslippedmyfingersoutofDaan’sgriptogreeteveryone.

Later,weallsettleddowninthedrawingroom.Khushi’sdadwasalsobackandhadjoinedus.Thequestionsstarted—Thekindofhow-was-your-journey-and-ifeverything-is-finetypes.AndansweringthemallImanagedtomakemyspaceamidallofthem.Meanwhile,Khushitooappeared.

Theroundsofsnacksstarted,exactlylikelasttime.Ofallherfamily,itwasherdadwhomItalkedtomost.HewastryingtounderstandwhatexactlyIdid,beingasoftwareengineer.Inturn,hewasalsoexplainingwhatheusedtodoasanengineerintheIndianAirForce.(Impressive!)

Lateron,hebroughtupthesubjectofmarriagetoo,indirectly—howandwhenMishadigotmarriedandthenAmidiandnowitwas

Khushi’sturn.Healsotalkedabouthismarrieddaughters’in-laws,theirfamilyandtheirprofessions(thoughIkneweverythingindetail).

Iwonderedwhatthepurposewas.Irecalledthatadinwhichaguy’swould-befather-in-lawaskshim,‘Youaregoingtomarrymydaughter.Butwillyoubeabletosupportafamily?’TowhichIanswered,inmymind,‘Ithink,inmarriage,Iwillonlytakeyourdaughteralongwithme.Therestofyourfamily,youwillhavetomanageonyourown.’

But,jokesapart,Ifoundherdadtobearealsensibleandunderstandingperson.Ilikedhispersonalityaswell.

WeallwerewaitingforDeepu(Khushi’sbrother)whowasdrivingbackhome.Mummawasgettingimpatientandkeptcallinghimup,checkinghowfarhewasfromhome.LittleDaanwasaddingtotheflavorofourconversationeverynowandthen,makingeverybodylaughwithhischildishpranks.Hewasonmylapwhen,suddenly,hereactedtoacar ’shornandrushedtothedoor.ItwasDeepu.Minuteslater,hepulledDeepuintothedrawingroom,justlikehehadbroughtme.IshookhandswithDeepuandhejoinedus.

Heseemedtobethemostrobustpersonintheirentirefamily,withawidechest,broadshouldersandawell-builtphysique.HewasworkingwithsomeoilwellsinAssamandhadcomebackonholiday.Sonow,frommyjobtheconversationshiftedtohis.

Wesatinthedrawingroomforalongtimeandataround8.30,wehadourdinner.

Afterourmeal,Khushitookmetotheothersideoftheirhousetoshowmethegarden,themoneyplantandtheguavatreeswhichsheusedtoclimbsometimes,pickingguavasforhermom.Well,IcouldhavegotalittleprivacywithherbutNeeruandMummadidn’tleaveusalone.

Theeveningattheirhomepassedquitewell.BythenIhadmetthepeoplewhomIdidn’tseethelasttime—herdad,Deepu,MishadiandcuteDaan.IwashappythatIwasgoingtobepartofanicefamily.(AndIassumetheywerehappytoo!)

By9.30,Iwasallsettoleaveformyhotel.

‘IthinkIshouldmakeamovebeforeIgettoolate,’Isaidtothepeoplearoundme,butespeciallyherDad.

‘Hmm…Yes,youareatanewplace.It’sbetterifyoureachyourhotelwellintime.Deepuwilldropyou,’hesaidlookingatDeepu,whomDaanwaspunching,thewayhehadseenhisfavoriteWWFfightersdoing.

Afterashortwhile,DeepuwasstartinghiscarandIwasbiddingeveryonegoodbye.Daankeptshouting,‘Mujhebhijaanahai…Mujhebhijaanahai!’Andbeforehecouldmakeascene,hismotherallowedhimtogetinthecar.

Amidallthis,IlookedatKhushi,silentlyaskingherifshetoocouldcome.AndIthinkMummanoticedmylook.Maybethat’swhyshetoldKhushi,‘Tubhisaathmeinchalijaa…’Herdadwasprobablygoingtointerrupther,butIchangedthetopicassoonasIheardhermothergivingheragreensignal.Inashortwhile,wewereintheback-seatofthecar.Daankeptshufflingplacesbetweenherandme.Inthoselastminutesofbeingtogether,weheldhandsbutdidn’ttalkmuch.Soonweweregoingtobeapartagain,foranuncertainamountoftime.WereachedMagpieabittooquickly,anditwastimetosaygoodbye.

DeepucameoutofthecarandhetookDaan’shandinhis.IshookhandswithhimandgaveakisstoDaan,whoaskedmewhenIwouldcomeagain,andtoldmethatIshouldnotforgettogetchocolatesforhim.

Nowwastheturnofmysweetheart.Shestoodbesidethecar.Ilookedinhereyes.Theywere

expressingthesamefeelingswhichminewere.Shecameandstoodrightinfrontofme.Icouldn’tsayanythingbutsmiledsadly.Thatonemoment,shedidn’tcareaboutDeepu’spresencebutkeptlookingintomyeyes.TakingDaaninsidethecar,Deepustartedthevehicletolethissisterknowtheyweresupposedtogetback.

Sheignoredthattooandcameclosertomeandsaid,‘Iwanttobeyours,forever.’‘Youaremine.Alittlemorethanforever,’Isaid.

Andwehuggedeachotherthistimewithoutcaringabouttheworldaroundus.

Thenshesatinthecar.Ikeptwavingtohertillthecarturnedoutofthehotel’sgate.

BackinBhubaneswar,lifegotbackonthesametrack.Office,phonecallstoher,gym,phonecallstoher,CATpreparation,phonecallstoher.ButwhatwasdifferentthistimewasthatIhadstartedrelatinghervoicetoherappearance,herbodylanguage,herfragrance.

Dayspassedandourdesiretobetogetherkeptincreasingwitheachday.

ItwasDiwaliand,intheevening,ourentireverandawasshiningwiththesparkleofdiyasand

candlesandcrackers.Withonehand,Iwasshootingeverythinghappeningatmyplacewithmy

camera; in theotherhand, Iwascarryingmycell, talking toKhushi.Wewere tellingeachotherabout

theatmosphereatourrespectiveplaces.Thephonesonbothsideswereshufflingthroughdifferent

hands.First,itwasmetalkingtoher,thenmymomandher,thenhermomandme,thenmymomandhers,thensheandIagain,thenmeandhersister…he,she,she,me…everybody.Buteachoneofthemmentionedthis:ShewouldbecelebratinghernextDiwaliaspartofourfamily.

Afewmoredaysofourlifepassed.

Lifereturnedtoitsbestafterwewerereleasedfromourvowofnottalkingtoeachotherafter10p.m.onweekdays.Yes,CATwasover.Itwentwellforbothofus.(Everyonehastherighttosay‘Itwentwell,’tilltheresultsareout!)Butyes,thecompletionofCATmarkedthebeginningofourbestdays.Well,actuallyitwasnights.December,January.Winter.Coldnights,blanketsand,wrappedinthosewarmblankets,ourcellphonesandus.(Itellyou—winteristhemostromantictime.Andsoarerainydays.And…and…and,waitaminute,summertoo!AmIgettingsomethingwrong?Or,maybe,it’sthateveryseasonbringsadifferentflavorifyouareinlove.)

Onenight,itwas12.10a.m.andwehadlefttheyear2006behind,and2007wastenminutesyoungforus.Despitetheoverloadedtelephonenetwork,somehowwewereamongtheluckyonestogetconnected.Ofcourse,wehadtotryahundredtimestocalleachother.

Shewasthefirstonetoreachmeanddoyouknowwhatherfirstwordswere?No,shedidn’twishmeahappynewyear.Instead,sheshoutedwithhappiness,‘Shona!Wearegettingmarriedthisyear.2007hasarrived.Wow!’

Timeandagain,all these little things(which, forme,werebig things)shedidwouldmakemefeel,moreandmore,thatIwouldneverbeabletolivewithouther.

‘Yes!Wewillmarrythisyearandthenwe’lllivetogether.Happynewyear,dear,’Iwishedher.‘Averyhappynewyeartoyoutoo.’

Networkcongestionthatnightdidnotallowustotalkmuch.Still,weweresatisfiedenough.Andwefeltthat,justlikeus,theremusthavebeensomanycouplesdyingtotalktoeachother.Whoknows,maybesomeamongthemweregoingtogetmarriedthesameyear…

Apparently,mylovestoryoverrodemyfriendship.Thisshouldnothavebeenthecase.But,thiswasthecase.Afteralongtime,itwasAmardeepwhoconnectedHappy,MPandmewithane-mail.Inhise-mail,hehadtakenascreenshotofMP’sandmyprofileonShaadi.com

.Hisfirstintentionwastomockatusfortheexaggeratedinformationwehadprovidedaboutourselvesonthiswebsite.Secondly,hewantedtoknowifthiswebsitehappenedtoworkforus.

Later,thatevening,allfourofusgottogetheronachatconference.

Happy:Raamji,sofinallyucaughtthesea***-holeshaan!!Goodjob.

Amardeep:Hahaha…theywereplayingsmart,withoutlettingusknownything.

Amardeep:Nowspeakuputwo.Wathvumanagedtogttillnow?

Ravin:Ifuhvsearchedourprofile,densurelyutoowudbehavingone.Bataasaaley?Amardeep:IfIwillhave,Iwon’thideit.Nowdon’tchangethetopic.MPyoutell.Happy:Yeah,MPtellus…howmanytillnowJ????????

MP:Areyyaar…itwaslongtimeback.Nothingserious.Ihardlycheckitnowadays.

Amardeep:Achha!!That’swhyyouractivitypercentageonthissite(asitshows)is98%J.Ravin:Hahaha.Gaatchu!!

Amardeep:YdhellareulaughingsomuchRavin?Utell…wathvugot?Ravin:Well!Ihavegotsomething.

MP:Gotwhat????????

Ravin:Her.

Happy:Whom?

Ravin:HernameisKhushi.Amardeep:Ruserious?Ravin:Damnserious.

Happy:Hu…Huuuuuuuuuuuuu.Hegaatit!!!!!!…hegaatit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thisgonnabef***ininteresting.Everybody:LeavethistextchatandturnyourheadphonesON.Wegonnalistentohisstoryrightnow.

And,forthenexthalfhour,Ihadtonarratemyso-farstorytothem.Theconversationendedwithacelebrationofloudnoises,bestwishesandthepromisetomakethemalltalktohersoon.

8January2007

Mynot-so-good-lookinghousewaslookingbetterthatmorning.Andwhynot?Thefirstwould-bein-lawsofthathouseweretocomethatday—Khushi’smomanddad.

UnderstandingthefactthatmyMummacouldn’ttravelinwintersbecauseofherasthma,theyhadagreedtocomedowntoourplace.

IwasthereatSambalpurstationtoreceivethem.ThetrainarrivedontimeandIcouldeasilytracethem in thecrowd,gettingdownat the station. I touched their feet,welcomed themandpickeduptheir bags. On our way back from the station, I showed them certain landmarks in my smallhometown.The longest dam—Hirakud—built on the riverMahanadi.HerMummawas astonishedwhen I told her that it was 4.8 kilometers long. Towhich shemischievously replied by boastingabouttheBhakraNangaldam(thehighestone)whichshehadseen.

By12.30thatafternoonwereachedhome.Herparentswerewelcomedbymine.Boththemomsandboththedadswerehappytofinallyseeeachother.Well,inourcountry,seeingtheboyisoneofthemostimportantstepsintheentiremarriageprocess,buttruehappinesscomestotheparentswhentheyhugeachotherwiththosesmilingfaces.Ithinkthisbolsterstheirtrustandconfidenceineachother ’sfamily,allowingthemtogoaheadwiththisthingcalledmarriage.Istilldoubtthattheyreallytrustusyoungstersonehundredpercent.

Butanyway,thefolksgotintroducedtoeachother.ExceptforTinku,whowasinBhubaneswarforhisweekendsupportathisoffice,theyhadseenmyentirefamily.

Weallthenmovedtotheguestroomwhereherparent’swouldstay.Theylikedourplace,

especiallyhermom,whonoticedtheguavaandthejamuntreeinourcourtyard.Andthistimeitwasmewhoboasted,‘See,ourtreeisbiggerthanyours.’Andeverybodylaughed.Whiletheyenjoyedtheirlemonsquash,mymomreturnedtoherkitchen.Shewasverybusy.Inashortwhiletheyweregivensomeprivacy,togetcomfortableinthenewplace,relaxabitandtakeashower.Weallthenmetatlunch.

Ofcourseithadtobegood.Anditwas,actually,oneofthebestluncheongatheringsatmyplace—agoodmenu,goodpeople,goodconversationandallthatforagoodpurpose.Alongwiththemeal,theelderlypeoplewentdownmemorylane,recallingmarriagesintheirperiodandcomparingitwiththepresentsystem.AndIwonderedif,fortyyearslater,Iwouldberecallingthepresentmarriagesystem.Ormaybe,whoknows,marriagemightnotevenexistbythen…

Apartfromthat,therewerealotofthingstheydiscussed:thecurrentsociety,mind-sets,the

generation-gapfundasandallthat.AndIhadtoagreewithwhatevertheysaid,thoughtherewerealotofthingsIwouldhaverevoltedagainst.Butthen,allIwasbotheredaboutwasmymarriagetotheirdaughter.SoInoddedmyheadtowhatevertheysaidaboutouryounggeneration’sfailings.Butthankfullytheyendedonahappynote,sayingthatwearethebrightfutureofthiscountry.(AndIsaidtomyself,‘Oh,thankyousomuch,folks!Iamhonored.’)

Beingagoodchild,Igavetherequiredprivacytotheparents,sothattheycoulddiscusswhattheyhadcometodiscuss.Iwentouttotheverandaandlyingonacotunderneaththejamuntree,Icalledherup.

‘Heyyyyyyyy!’

‘Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!’

‘What’s up there?’ she asked.‘Thesky,’Ianswered.

‘Shut up! Batao naa. How’s mymom? Is she fine?’‘Kamaalhai.AtleastaskmehowIamfirst!’

‘Nothing’sgoingtohappentoyou.You’llalwaysbefinebecauseI’minyourlife,’sherepliedsweetly,thoughIwondered—didn’tthesameapplytohermotheraswell?‘Yourmomisdoingverygoodaurhaanyourdadisalsofine,’Iaddedthattaunttomakeherrealizethatsheshouldhaveaskedaboutherdadtoo.Butshealwayssaidsheishermom’sdaughterfirst…Herdearestdaughter.

ThenItoldherallthathadhappened,sofar,atmyplaceandtheagendafortherestoftheevening.Meanwhile,therewasaburstoflaughterfrominsideandIthoughtIshouldgobackandcheckonthethingsbeingdiscussed.WehungupandIwentbackin.

I’dleftthemalonetoplanmymarriagebut,damn!theoldfolkswerecrackingjokes,recallingthefunnythingsIusedtodowhenIwasakid.Whydoparentshavetorevealallthoseembarrassingsecretstoothers?Iwasnottheonlykidintheworldtosuckhisthumbinhissleep!What’sthebigdeal?

Butanyway…

Wemadeaplanfortheevening—avisittoHirakuddam.Momwantedtostaybackhome,becauseofherhealthandtotakecareofotherhouseholdchores,mostimportantly,dinner.Iwantedtostaybackwithmombutshewantedmetobewiththem.Itwasjustamatterofhalfanhourorsoandwewouldbeback,shesaid.

Soafteranhour ’snapandeveningtea,wewentaheadwiththeplan.Asourdestinationwasonlythreekilometersfromourhouse,itdidn’ttakeusmuchtimeandwereachedthereintenminutes.

WeparkedourvehiclesandthenclimbedtheJawaharMinaartower(thetallestbuildingthere)whichwasbuilttokeepvigil.Wewerealmost150feetabovethegroundand,fromthere,thecatchmentareaofthedamappearedatitsbest.Onourrightwasthegiantstructureofthedam—thosehoveringpulleys,thenoiseoftheturbinecomingfromsomeplacefarbelow,thebigwaterreservoirbehindthewallandthetributariesofwateroriginatingandpassingbymytowntowardstheeast.Onourleftwasthescenichorizon,withhalfoftheburningsunaboveit,creatingamesmerizingsunset,givingusahinttointerpretthecommonlinebetweentheskyandthewater.Verysoon,ourshadowsperchedinthelongershadowofthetowerwerefading.Thesunwasbiddinggoodbyefortheday.Andtherestoodthosesilentislands,bigandsmall,farandnear,inthemilesandmilesofwater,waitingforthenight-creaturestocomeoutandrulethem.Birdswereflyingbacktotheirhomesand,fromthattower,wecouldseethelightsinourtowncomingon.Everyonethereappreciatedthebeautyoftheplace.

IwashappyIhadbroughtKhushi’smomanddadthere.AndIrememberverywellwhather

Mummasaid.‘WhenKhushicomeshere,bringhertothisplace.She’llloveit.’Andherdadsaid,‘Itwasasimilar,spellbinding,scenicviewwhichmademewriteapoemwhenIpassedthroughtheKhandalaHillsonthePune-Mumbaiexpressway.AndIhavethesameurgenow.’

Thatwassogoodtohear.Idon’tknowifhewroteanypoemonitornot.Buttheydidn’tknow,tillthen,thatmysmalltown,Burla,hadsuchbeautyinitslap.And,onthatnote,wewereonourwaybackhome,thesettingsuncolouringuswithitshuesandthankingthe‘guests’fortheirvisittothisnaturalheaven.

Wewerebackataround8p.m.,alittlebeforedinner.AndthisiswhenpeopleactuallystarteddiscussingthepurposeforwhichKhushi’sparentswerehere.And,beingagoodlover-boy,Iwasupdatingmybelovedabouttheproceedingsatourpremises.Momentslater,whenIjoinedthediscussion,weallarrivedatacommondecision.

Thering-ceremonywastobeheldinFaridabad,on14February2007.

KhushiandIhadchosenthisdatelongago.ShehadsaidshewantedtocelebratethisValentine’s

Daywithherfiancé(thefutureme),whereasmystandwasthatIwantedtocelebratethisdaywithmygirlfriend(thecurrentshe).Sowebothagreedtoexchangeourringsontheeveningof14February.Forthefirsthalfofthedayshewouldbemygirlfriendandforthelaterhalf,Iwouldbeherfiancé.Suchasimplesolution,no?

So,thering-ceremonywouldbeon14February.Andthemarriage,sometimeinNovember.

Afterthat,wehadourdinner,andthenherparentswenttotheirroom,quitehappily.MyparentsandIhadabriefdiscussion,planningsomeofthethingsatapersonallevel,especiallyfortheengagementwhichwasamonthlater.

Sheisdifferentlyhappytoday.Itseemsshewantstotellmesomething.AndIamasking—What?Butsheistakinghersweettime.Ihearherturningthepagesofnewspaper.Thenshespeaksup.‘Shona!’Andafteramomentofsilencesheadds,‘Yourpromisetomeaboutthatboozingthing…’

‘Hmm…’

‘Iwanttosetyoufreefromthatpromise.’

‘What?’For amoment, I cannot figureout the context.But, still, I amhappy. I againhear thesoundofnewspaperpages.

Shesays,‘Youkeptyourpromiseforthepastsevenmonths.I’msurealcoholwon’tturnyoubad.’

Idoubtthat’stheonlyreasonandaskheragain,‘Areyousure?Isthistheonlyreason?’

Mischievously,sherevealsthewholetruth.Shereadsoutanarticlefromthenewspaperwhichdescribesthevariouspositiveaspectsoflimitedalcoholintake.Italsosaysthatacouplecanmaketheirromanticmomentsspecialwithaglassofchampagne.

Iamsmiling.

Shesays,‘IrespectyouforkeepingyourpromisetometillthedayIaskyoutobreakit.’Idon’tsayanything,butIsmile.Iamfeelingniceaboutthis.

Shesays‘It’sbeenalongtimeforyou.Doyoufeellikeenjoyingadrinkwithyourfriendstonight?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Haha…Well,nottonight.’Iamlaughing.‘Iamgladthatyouaresettingmefreefromthis

promiseandIamhappierthatIcouldkeepit.Ionlyboozeinordertogivecompanytomyfriends.Maybethenexttimetheywantmeto,Iwillbeabletodrinkwiththem.Iaminnohurry,though.’Shesaysshefeelssocomfortablewithmylastline.

ItwasFridayafternoonand,asusual,Icalledherupbeforelunch.Ihadtotellherthatwehadmadeourreservationsandalsowhenwe’dbearrivingatherplace.AndIwantedtoknowwhatallwashappeningattheirend.Actually,Ialreadyhadanidea;still,allthesethingsrelatedtoourengagementweresobeautifulthatwelovedtotalkaboutthemagainandagain.Ithappenswitheveryone,no?‘Hey.’

‘Heyyy!Hi,mycutebaby.’

‘Listen,Ihavecompletedmynexttasktoo.Wehavegotour…’

Butsheinterruptedmetosay,‘Arey,wait.I’lltellyouaboutmytask.’Sheseemedveryexcitedand,ofcourse,completelyignoredwhatIwassaying.Shewasveryhappy.Imeansheisusuallyhappy,butthatafternoonshewasdifferentlyhappy.

Iheardherjumpoffherbedontothefloor.

‘Givemeasecond,’shesaidandstartedsingingtoherself.Lala…Lalala…Lala.‘Weird,’Ithoughtandwaitedforheronesecondtocomplete.

‘Ok!DoyouknowwhatIhavedone?’sheaskedinhercutestvoice.‘Hmm…No.Tellme.’

‘Ihavejustpaintedsomeflowervases.Andsomecandlepots,youknowthekind?Bowl-shapedearthenpotswhichwillbefilledwithwater,andfreshrosepetalsandafewsmall,lightedcandleswillbefloatingonthesurface.’

‘Wow!Butwhatareyougoingtodowiththis?’

‘Areybuddhu!Wewillplacethemonthepodiumwherewewillbeexchangingourringsthatevening.Toaddanaesthetictouchandsweetfragrancetothesurroundings.’‘Oh…Wow!Niceyaar,thiswillbeawesome.’

Thenshegotbusyagain.Probablyworkingagainonthosecandlepots.‘Achcha,listen.Ihavemadethereservations,’Itriedagaintotellher.

‘Wow!Youknowwhat?Ihavemadeanawesomedesignonit.It’slookinggood…It’slookingsobeautiful!’

Idon’tknowwhathadhappenedtoher.Shewascompletelyignoringmeandenjoyingher

preparation for her engagement evening. She was singing, she was laughing more than I everheardher,shethoughteverythingaroundherwassobeautiful.

La…Lala…Lala…Laa…

‘Heyyyyyyyyouknowwhat?Theentiremenuisselected.Yes!I’vedonethat.Anddadhasgiventheorderaccordingly.Everythingispurchasedapartfromsmallaccessories.Iwillbuythemtomorrow.’Andshekeptnarratingherentirelist,whatshewasgoingtobuyandwearontheengagement.

‘Arey,dektherehjaaoge.Inthatfirstlook,I’lltakeyourbreathaway.’shestartedjumpingandsingingagain,thistimeatahigherpitch.

‘What’s happened to you?’ I heard hermother ask.‘She’sgonemad,’IheardNeerusay.

AndKhushi?Shekeptlaughinganddancing.

‘Arey,Mumma,Iamgoingcrazy….coz…coz…threedayslater,

IT’SMYENGAGEMENT!’

La…Lala…Lala…Laa…

Andthen,Ithink,shemadehermotherdancewithher.Shewascrazy.Themadnessofbeinginlove…Herdreamcomingtruewitheverypassingday…Shewasoncloudnine.Allofasudden,hermothertookthephonetotalktome.

‘Mydaughter ’sgonecompletelymadtoday…She’sbeenlaughingallmorning.She’ssohappy,I’vestartedworrying…kahinkuch…’

‘Whenyouweregettingmarriedyoumusthavefeltthesame!’IheardKhushishoutinginthebackground,hervoicefadingawayasifshewasgoingoutoftheroom.‘Didyouhear?’herinnocentandworriedmotherasked.

‘Haha.ButMumma,todayIlikeyourdaughterevenmore.Youdon’tworry.Justletherenjoythepreparations.’

FromhermotherIfoundoutthat,sincemorning,shehadbeentryingonherdressforthateveningeverynowandthen,hersandals,herbangles.Shehadnoteveneatenbreakfastinherexcitement.Allmorningherhandsweredippedinthepaintshewasapplyingtothosevasesandcandlepots.

‘DoyouwanttotalktoRavin?’hermotheraskedher.

Andfromoutsidecameherfaint,childish,arrogantvoice,‘Mumma,tellhimIambusyplanningmyengagement,sodon’tdisturbme.’

Shewassolostintheeuphoriaofherengagementthatsheprobablyforgotthepersonwhomshewasgettingengagedto!

Ileftmycuteprincesstoherwork.ButbeforeIhungup,Ilethermotherknowaboutour

reservationsandthetimewhenwe’dbearrivingatFaridabad.AndIheardKhushi’s,‘La…La…Laaaaa…’

Iwaswonderinghowshewashandlingallthis.Ononehand,Iwasstrugglingtogeteverythingcompletedfortheceremony.Mylifewasscrewedup:bookingtickets,callingandplanningallmyfriends’schedules,buyingclothesandjewelry.Andshoppingforallthe‘miscellaneous’things—whichwasthebiggestheadacheofall.Iwastired.Iwasfrustrated.Ontheotherhand,Khushiwashandlingallthissoeasily.Laughing,kidding,enjoyingeachandeverysecond.Planning,shoppingandtryingeverythingon,onemoretime.Ienviedherforbeingsorelaxedamidallthis.AndIlovedherforthisveryreason.

Donewithmylunch,aloneinthefood-courtofmyofficethatafternoon,Iwaslaughingrecallinghereuphoria.Ifelthappyforherandformyselfforhavingherinmylife.Khushi’sfundaoflifewassosimple,yetfruitful—shewantedtoliveandenjoyeverymomentofherlife.Shekeptsaying,‘Forgetwhatothersthinkwhenyouwishtodanceintherain.Justdoit.It’syourmoment.It’syourhappiness.’Shewascorrectwhenshesaidengagements,marriages,love(or,tobeprecise,firstlove)—alltheseareone-timeoccasions.Therefore,theyareprecious.Youhavetocelebratethem.Youhavetomakethemmemorable.

ThinkingofallthisevenIwantedtoactcrazy.‘Yes!It’smyengagement,’Isaidtomyselfin

excitement.AndwithalastsipofwaterIreturnedtomyofficetocompletetheleftovertasks,beforeIwentonleave.

Ifilledinmyleaveform,forthenexttwoweeks,onmycomputer.Inthe‘reason’sectionofthe

form,Iwrote,‘It’smyengagement!Mycellwon’tbereachableforanycodefixesortestreports,butonlyforyourgoodwishes.’

Laterthatnight,Iwasfeelingthisexcitementcreatingwavesinme.SoonIwouldbeengaged.Iwouldbecalledsomebody’sfiancé.Thefreedomofbeingwithmyfriendsandstaringatothergirlsmaybegone.Thatonering,whichIwouldsoonbewearingonmyfinger,wouldstopallincomingtrafficofothergirls.Mybachelorhoodwasgoingtoexpiresoon…

WouldIenjoymylifegoingforward,justthewayIdidtillnow?Ididn’tknow.ButIwantedthatringonmyfinger.Icouldn’twaitanylonger.Ididn’tknowthefuturebut,yes,IwantedtomarryKhushi.Iwasdyingto.Allofasudden,Iwantedtohaveherwithme.Iwantedtostareather,kissher,loveher.Ripplesofromanceweremakingtroughsandcrestsintheoceanofmyheart.Icalledherup.

ThemomentshepickedupthephoneIsaid,‘IthinkIwanttomakelovetoyou.’

‘Hmm?Haha.You’renuts.Iaminmyofficeandhavehigh-prioritydefectstobeassignedforclosure,’sheansweredwithanaughtylaugh.

Afewweeksback,shehadmovedtoaUSprojectandwasworkingnight-shifts.IknewthatbutIwassolostinmythoughts,Ikepttalking.‘…AndIwanttoclosemyeyesandfeelyourfacewithmyfingers…’

‘Hey!Shona…Listen,’shewasstilllaughing,tryingtohaltmythoughtprocess.‘…Andthenmyfingers…’

‘Listendear!Pleaseeeeeeeeeee.Iunderstandyourmood.But,Ihavesomeveryurgenttasks,’shesaidgently,sothatIwouldnotgethurt.

‘Screwwork,screwdefects,’Isaid.

‘Iloveyoudear.Butthisismylastdayatoffice,beforeItakeleave.Don’tyouwantmeto

completeallmyworkheresothatIcanenjoymyownengagement?’

Thisishowshealwaysmademethinkandbroughtmebacktoreality.

‘Hmmm…’Isaid,toletherknowIunderstoodbut,still,wasdisappointed.

‘I promise, I will wake you up at around five in themorning, as soon as I reach home,’ shequicklysaidtocomfortme.

‘Wakemeupatfive.Why?’

‘Mmm…MaybeI’llwant tofeelyourfingersonmyface…’

‘Gotcha!Enjoyworking.’

‘Enjoyyoursleepbeforeaneroticmorning.Seeyouatfive.’

Shekissedmeandreturnedtoher‘high-prioritydefects’.Halfasleep,Ireachedformycell

underneathmypillow.Fromthefaintlightcominginthroughthecurtains,Icouldmakeoutitwasmorning.Icheckedthetimeonthescreenofmyphone.Itwas6.30a.m.

IrememberedKhushiwassupposedtocallme.Whydidn’tshecall?Didshefallasleep?Stillinthemoodtocontinuelastnight’sinterruptedconversation,Idialedhernumber.Iwasstillundermyblanketonthatchillymorning.Foralong,romanticchat,Iputonmyhands-freeandclosedmyeyesbeforeIenteredaworldofromancewithher.

Herphonekeptringingbutshedidn’tpickitup.

‘Iwon’tletyousleepdear,’Imurmuredtomyselfandredialed.

TomysurpriseIheardamalevoice.‘Hello?’Thevoicewasbreathingheavily.‘Whoisthis?’Iasked,suddenlyawake.

‘Girish.’

Icouldmakeouthewasrushingsomewhere.Therewerenoisesaroundhim.‘WhydoyouhaveKhushi’scell?’

He didn’t answer but handed the cell to someone else.‘Hello,’saidanothermalevoice.

‘Pushkar?’

‘Yes,Ravin.’

‘What’sup,yaar?Allyoupeople?WhereisKhushi?’Iaskedanxiously,throwingofftheblanket.‘Ravin,wearerushingtotheICU.Khushimetwithanaccident.’

TheUnexpected

‘W-H-A-T-?’Somethingstruckmyheart.Ijumpedoffmybed.‘ACCIDENT?’Irechecked.‘Whilecomingbackfromoffice,hercabmetwithanaccident…’

Myheartbeatsincreased.Pushkarthenrushedofftoseesomeone,probablyadoctorandpassedthatcallbacktoGirish.

‘Girish,tellmethetruth.Whathashappenedtoher?Issheallright?’Hewassilent.

‘Speakup!Goddammit.Sheisfinena?’Ishoutedathim.Icouldfeelmyfeetshaking,losingtheirgriponground.AndIstartedrushinghereandthereinmyroom.

‘Idon’tknow,Ravin.’

‘Whatdoyoumeanyoudon’tknow?’

Heansweredsoftly.‘Thecabgothitbysomegianttruck.Thedriver…thedriver…he…’‘Whathappened?’

‘Hediedonthespot.’

‘OhGod!’Thatscaredthehelloutofme.‘Girish.Forheaven’ssaketellmeaboutKhushi.PleaseGirish…Please.’

‘KhushiisintheICU.Thedoctor ’shaven’tconfirmedanything.Shehassufferedalotofbloodloss….’

Istartedscreaming.

‘Wasthereanyoneelseinthecab?’Ifurtherasked.

‘Yes,onemoreguy,whowassittingnexttothedriver.Butheisfine.Hehasgottensomeminorscratches.Thecarwascompletelysmashedfromtherightside,leadingtothefatalinjuriestothedriveronthefrontandKhushiwhowassittingjustbehindthedriver.’Girishreplied.

Momentslater,Pushkarreturnedandcomfortedme,sayingthatthedoctorsweretakingcareofherandtheyfelttheywouldbeabletogetthesituationundercontrol.

‘Allofusarehere,Ravin.Don’tpanic.Shewillbeallright.Thedoctorsarepositive.Ihavejusttalkedtothem.’

‘Yes,Pushkar.Shewillbefine.Iamsureshewillbe.Shehastobe,’Iwhispered,prayingthatmywordswouldcometrue.

‘Listen,Iwillcallyouupsoontoupdateyouonhercondition.RightnowIhavetogoandcheckouthermedicinesandotherthings.’

‘Yeah…yeah…ya…Youjustgoaheadwithwhat’srequired.I’ll…I’llwaitforyourcall.’

Backinmyroom,Iwasstillinshock,wonderingifallthatwasrealorjustanightmareandthatwhenIwokeupIwouldfindKhushiwaswell.

But,unfortunately,itwasreal.

Ifeltsuffocated.Iwastryingtobreatheinasmuchairaspossible.Iopenedallthewindows,tryingtomakecontactwiththeworldoutsidemyhome.Iwasaloneinmyhouse.Andthatterribleshockwastearingatmeinmyloneliness.Icalledupmyparentsbutdisconnectedthecallbeforeanyonetookit,wonderinghowtogivethemthisnews.Iwantedtogetagriponmyselffirst.Somanyfearscrowdedmymind.Ididn’tknowwhattodo,soIrushedtotheotherroom,tomyworship-place.Withmyhandsjoined,IsaidtoGod,‘No!Don’tmakethesebadthoughtscometrue.PleaseGod.Nother.PLEASE.’

Laterthatmorning,Icalledmyfamilytotellthem.Theydidnotbelievewhattheyheardfirst,but

laterhelpedme,sayingshewillbefine.ItoldthemIwasgoingtobookthenextavailableflight.Fortherestoftheday,Ikeptcallingherfamilymembers.Iwasrestless.Igotmyflightconfirmed.

Beforethedayended,IwroteanSMSandforwardedittoallmyfriendswhowereabouttoattendmyringceremony.

Friends,thereisbadnews.

Khushihasmetwithanaccident

andeverythingelsestandspostponed.

Thenextmorning,Igotupfrommybedataround6.30thoughIhadbeenawakesince5,strugglingtogetridofallbadthoughts.

Iwenttomycloset,openeditand,then,withmypalmsjoinedandeyesclosed,IbowedmyheadinfrontofGuruNanak’spicturewhichIkeptonthefirstshelf.Inmyheart,Iuttered,‘Healherwoundsandmakeherwell…Please!Iknowyoucandothat.’

Istoodthereforawhile.Alittlelater,Iopenedmyeyes,lookedupandwalkedaway,leavingtheclosetdooropen.Onmywaytothebathroom,Ihaltedtoseemyselfinthemirrorbesidemycomputertable.Ilookedscaredandpale.Atearwasstillonmyrighteyelash.Iwipeditoffand,takingadeepbreathandputtingonafalsesmile,Isaidtothemirror,‘Yoursweetheartwillbeallright.Sheissuchasweetgirl.GodcannotbesocruelthatHe’llharmheranymore.’Sayingthattomyself,IrushedtothebathroomasIwasgettinglateformyflight.

By7.30Iwasthroughwithmybath.Therewasanhourleftformetogetready.WhateverIwasdoing,thereweretwonamesalwaysonmylips:‘Khushi’and‘God’.

Iwenttothecloset,pickedupmyprayerbookandthensatonmycotwithmylegscrossed.Forthenexttenminutes,Iprayedwithutmostdevotionandconcentration.Therewaspin-dropsilenceinmyroom.Inmyprayer,IagainbeggedGodtosavemyKhushiandgetheroutofdanger.Withthis,Ibowedmyheadinfrontoftheprayerbook,wrappeditinitsbagandkeptitbackintheclosetwithutmostcare.Sayingmyprayereverymorninghadbeenmydailyroutinesincecollegeand,probably,today,Iwassubconsciouslydemandingtheresultsofmyprayers.

Ididnotfeellikehavingbreakfast.HowcouldI,whenmybelovedwasunconsciousintheICU?Iskippeditandleftfortheairport.

Outside,thebrightsunwaswishinggoodmorningtoBhubaneswar.AndIwasdesperatetogetsomegoodnewsaboutKhushi.Everynowandthen,IwascheckingmycellforanymissedcallorSMS.EarlyonSunday,theroadswerenotcrowded.Ihailedanauto-rickshawandwithoutbargaining,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Igotinwithmyairbag.

‘Where?’askedtheauto-rickshawdriver.

‘Airport.’

By9.30,Iwasattheairport.Igotmybagcheckedin.Therewerestillsometwentyminutesleftbeforemyflight.IcouldnotresistcallingupsomeoneinFaridabadtogetanupdateonKhushi’scondition.Idialedhernumber.Someonepickedupthephone.

‘Hello,’saidafemininevoice.

‘Hi!Mishadi.’BynowIcouldrecognizethevoicesofeveryoneinKhushi’sfamily.‘Hi,Ravin.Howareyou?’

‘IamOkdidi,howareyou?Andanyupdatefromthehospital?’

‘Thedoctorshavenotattendedtoherthismorning.They’llprobablygiveanupdatebyeleven.’Iwasgettingrestless,notknowingKhushi’scondition.

Mishadithenasked,‘Whenwillyoubereachinghere?’

‘RightnowI’mattheairportandmyflightisgoingtodepartinafewminutes.So,probablybyoneintheafternoon…Ithinkthesecuritycheckhasstarted.I’llhavetohangup.WillseeyouguyswhenIreachthere.’

‘Yes,yes.Yougoon.Reachheresafelyand thenwewill talk.Bye.’‘Bye,’Isaidandwenttothesecuritycheck.

Alittlelater,Iwasintheaircraft,onmyseat,tryingtocheermyselfupwiththefactthatIgota

window-seat.But,innotime,Iwasworriedagain.Iwaslostinaseriesofthoughts,whenabeautifulhandofferedmesomecandies.

‘May Iofferyou somecandies, sir?’ theairhostess asked.‘Nothanks.’

Evenherlovelyfacecouldnotgetmetosayyes.Maybebecausenooneappearedasbeautifultome,anymore,asmyownKhushi.Andatthatverymoment,athoughtflashedthroughmybrain:‘Onceyoufallinlove,thingslikeexternalbeauty,apparelandsoonbecomeunimportant.’

Thethoughtsurprisedme.Iwonderedifthiswaswhatwecallthemagicofbeinginlove.

Whateveritwas,butatthattimeIwassureaboutonething—thatIdidnotlikemyselfinthismoodatall.Imean,justthedaybefore,Iwassohappytoseemyblazer,herengagementringandhersari.Lookatmenow.‘HeyRavin!Youhavetogetoutofthismood.Thisisabsolutelynotyou,’Isaidtomyself.

Bynow,theaircraft,thepassengersandthoseairhostesseswereallintheair.Ilookedoutsidethewindow,observingthewhitecloudsandthosebirdswepassedby,afewsecondsback.IwonderedhowlongitwouldhavetakenmetogotoFaridabadforweekenddateswithKhushi,ifIwereabird.Ihadalmostlostmyselfinthosehappythoughts,whenthefatladysittingbesidemeaskedmetoshutterthewindowbecauseofthescorchingsun.Idon’tknowhowthesunrayscouldhavemadeherskinanydarker.Butanyway,IwasnotinthemoodforanargumentandIdidwhatshewanted.

Itwastimeforlunchnow.IrealizedthiswhenIsawthefoodtrolleyintheaisle.ButIwasn’tfeelinghungry.Iwasverysad,wonderinghowsuchadayhadcome.And,atthesamemoment,IknewthatifIdweltonthesethoughts,thejourneywouldbeveryhardforme.Imadeupmymindtohaveatleastasandwichanddrivemymindawayfromthosebadthoughts.‘Thinkofsomethinginterestingorfunny.Oh!Howaboutplanningasequenceofbhangrastepsfortheengagementnight?’Isaidtomyself.Thenhadtoadd,‘Whichwillnowbepostponedbyafewmonths…’Bynow,thefood-trolleywasbesideme.

‘Excuseme,sir!Whatwouldyouliketohaveforlunch?’theairhostessasked.

‘Youareexcused,baby,’Ithought,forcingmyselftochangemymood.Aloud,Isaid,‘Hmm…AsandwichwithaCokewilldo.’

‘You don’t want to have lunch?’ She was surprised.‘Thisismylunchfortoday.’

‘Ok.Vegornon-veg,sir?’Shesmiled.

Wow!Thistimethatsmileappearedgoodtome.

‘Youwon’tbeservingmeboth?’Iaskedherassoonasshecompletedherquestion.

Shelookedatthefoodonhertrolley,alittleflustered,probablycountingtoseeifshecouldsparetwo.

‘Hey,Iwaskidding.Givemeavegsandwich,’Isaid,interruptingher.

She again smiled and served me the sandwich and Coke. I forced myself to come out of thatgloomymood.

‘Wow!Thatsmileisprettyindeed,’Itoldmyself.ThenextmomentIhadthisweirdurgetocheckouthernametag.Idon’tknowwhy,butIfeltthatshewasaPunjabitoo.ButbeforeIcoulddothat,shehadgonetotherowbehindme.Itriedtostandupabitandturnedbacktolook,butthenInoticedthatthefatladybesidemewasstaringatme,asifshehadcaughtaguyinherneighborhoodmakingpassesatherdaughter.

(‘YouMenaredogs,’Khushialwaysusedtosaytome.‘Andyouaregoingtomarryoneofthem,no?’wasmyreplyeverytime.)Isatbackonmyseatwithalittledisappointmentandhadmysandwichandcoke.

IonlyrealizedIhadfallenasleepwhentheannouncementwokemeup:‘Ladiesandgentlemen,weareabouttolandatDelhiairportinashortwhile.’

Ibecameveryanxiousagain,recallingthepurposeforwhichIwastraveling.Alittlelater,IwouldbeseeingKhushiintheICU.Iraisedthewindow’sshuttertohavealookattheviewoutside.Itwasdrizzling.

Allofasudden,Ifeltabitcold.Notduetotheweather,butbecauseofmynervousnessandanxietyabouthercondition.

At1.45,forty-fiveminuteslateduetobadweather,theplanelanded.Infifteenminutes,Imanagedtocollectmyair-bagandwasoutsidetheairport.Atadistance,amidthecrowdinfrontofme,IsawDeepuandJijuwavingtome.Iwavedbackandmovedtowardsthem.Meanwhile,IswitchedonmymobileandsawsomemissedcallsfromDeepu.

‘Howareyou?’Deepuasked,shakingmyhand.

‘Iamfine.HowareyouandanyupdateonKhushi’spresentcondition?’Iasked,withmyfingerscrossed.

Hethengavemeanupdate,withsomemedicaltermsthatwerenewtome.But,somehow,theydidnotmakemefeelgood.Ithenaskedhimiftheoverallsituationwasbetterthanyesterday.‘Hmm…’Deepuwastryingtoframehisnextsentence.Iunderstoodthesituation.IthenacknowledgedJiju’spresence.ThiswasthefirsttimeIwasseeinghim.‘ThisisourelderJiju,’Deepuintroducedme.

‘SatSriAkal,’Isaidandshookhishand.‘Ibelievetheflightgotlate,’hesaid.

‘Yes,becauseofthisweather…theywantedustoenjoythescenicbeautyofDelhifromupthere,’Ipointedtowardstheskywithasmile,tryingtomakeeveryonealittlerelaxed.Wegotintoacab.DelhiwasquitechillyandIwantedtofeelthecoldsoItookoffmyjacket.IttookusmorethananhourtoreachthehospitalinFaridabad.Thecabdriverleftusattheentranceanddrovetotheparkinglot.

Wewentintothehospitalandtooktheelevatortothesecondfloor.AsIwasgettingclosertoher,myfearwasincreasingandIstartedshakingabit.Ilookedatthedifferentfacesintheelevatorandtheirexpressionswhichtoldtheirhappyandsadstories.Onthesecondfloor,theelevatordooropened.

Steppingout,IsawPushkarcomingtowardsme.Ihuggedhim.Beforehecouldaskanythingaboutmyjourneyandme,Iaskedhimabouthercondition.

‘Thedoctorshaveupdatedmeaboutherconditionafewminutesback,’Pushkarsaid,lookingatallofus.

‘Whatkindofupdate.Tellme?’Iasked.

‘Sheisstillunconsciousbutherconditionisalittlebettersincemorning,thoughsheisnotyet

completelyoutofdanger.Theyareplanningtooperateonherfracturedjawandthighsinadayortwo.Apartfromthattherearesomebloodclotsinsomesectionofherbrain,thoughthey’renotthatcriticalandarelikelytohealthroughmedication.’

That‘littlebetter ’madeusallfeelalittlebetter.Still,wewereworried.

ThoughweknewthatPushkarhastolduseverythingthedoctorshadtoldhim,wekeptaskinghimmorequestions,hopingthatatleastsomethingwouldbepositive.

Meanwhile,therewasanannouncementonthatfloorforallofuswhowerewithoutICUpassestogotothegroundfloorasthemeetingtimewasover.Everyevening,between5.30and6,oneortwopeoplefromthepatients’familieswereallowedtovisit.Ilookedbacktoseewherethisannouncementcamefrom.

ThereIsawadoorwiththeletters‘ICU’engravedonit.IntensiveCareUnit.Themeaningoftheacronymmademeshiver.Arawfearpassedthroughme.ThiswasthefirsttimeinmylifeIwasstandinginfrontofanICUdoor,thinkingaboutthepersonontheothersideandwhatshemeanttomeandmylife.

‘God,please,’Isaid,staringatthoseboldletters.

Itriedtolookinfromthelittleglasswindowembeddedinthatdoor.

‘Thepathontherightsideleadstoherbed.Bednumber3,’apersonstandingbehindmesaid.Ilookedback.

‘This is Susant,’ Deepu said and introduced us.‘Ohyes,Khushiusedtotalkaboutyou.’

KhushiandSusantwereinthesamecollegeandheusedtotreatherlikehisownsister.

Amidourintroductions,therewasasecondannouncementbiddingustovacatetheICUfloor.ItwasdecidedthatSusantwouldstaybackinthehospitalthateveningandweallwouldgohome.Atnight,oneofuswouldcomebacktoreplaceSusant.

At6.15p.m.,wereachedhome.ThedoorwasopenandIwasthefirstpersontoenter,carryingmyairbagonmyshoulder.WhileenteringthedrawingroomIsawKhushi’smum.Sheseemedtobeveryworried—amotherwhosechildwasfightingthemostcrucialbattleofherlife.Keepingmybagontheground,Iwenttohertotouchherfeetandshehuggedmelikeherownson.

Iwhisperedinherears,‘Everythingwillbefine,absolutelyfine.’

‘Yes.Nowthatyouhavecome,shewillbefine,’shesaidpattingmybackwithaffection.

Meanwhile,IsawMishadiandAmidi.Imetthem,answeringtheirquestionsaboutmyhassle-freejourney.Wesatonthesofasandchairsinthedrawingroom.Alittlelater,herdadcameinfromtheotherroom.Igotuptotouchhisfeetandhe,too,inquiredifmyjourneyhadbeenfine.

Wethensatdiscussingwhateverhadhappenedduringthelasttwodays.Hewasdescribingtheprobableconditionsinwhichtheaccidenthadtakenplace.Amidourdiscussions,thereweremomentsoflongsilencesanddeepbreathswhichweallweretryingtobreakwithourpositive

words.

IthensawNeerucomingoutofthekitchenwithsomewaterandteaonatray.‘Lookatherfaceandthegriefwhichhasreplacedhersweetsmile,’Ithoughttomyself.Shecameandplacedthecupsonthetableinfrontofus.Shewasabouttoleavewithouttalkingtome,whenIsaid,‘Hi,Neeru.’

‘Hello.Howareyou?’

‘Iamfine.Andhowaboutyou?’

‘Iamfinetoo,’shesaid,pickinguptheusedglassesandsilentlyreturningtothekitchen.‘She’sterriblysad,’Mummasaidtome.

‘Icanunderstand.’

Wecontinuedtalkingforalittlewhile,afterwhicheveryonegotbusywiththeirrespectivetasks.IthensawlittleDaanrunningoutoftheotherroomwithhistoys.Herecognizedmeimmediatelyand,comingtome,heasked,‘You’vecomeagain?’

‘Yes.Ihavecometoseeyou,dear,’Ianswered,takinghiminmyarms.‘Whathaveyougotforme?’Iwasexpectingthisquestion.

‘Well, Ihavechocolates foryousweetheart!Butyouwillget themifyougiveme tenkisses,’ Isaid,gentlypressinghissweetcheeks.

Hedidnotsayanything,butstartedkissingmeandcounting,afterwhichIhandedhimhischocolates.Hewassohappythatherushedtohismothertoshowher.

‘NeverforgettogetchocolatesforDaan,’wasKhushi’ssweetcommandforme.Shekept

remindingmeofsuchsweetandcaringtaskswhichhadsomuchimportanceinherlife.

Wehadourdinnerat9thatnight,afterwhichwewerediscussingwhowouldbethetwopersonsgoingtostayinthehospitalforthenight.EverymalememberinthefamilywaswillingtobethereandIcountedmyselfpartofthisfamilytoo.

‘Youmightbetiredafteryourjourney.Sobetteryouresthereathome,’Dadsaidtome.‘No,I’mfine.Myjourneywashardlythreehours…’

Ibadlywanted togo to thehospital. Iwanted tobeascloseaspossible toher.But then,a littlelater,DadfinallydecidedthatDeepuandJijuwouldgotothehospitalandIshouldremainathomethatnight.Pushkarhadtogotohisofficetocompletesomework.

Iwasdisappointed.Ibadlywantedtoseeher.Butnow,Ihadtospendanothersleeplessnightwithoutseeingher.

At11.30Iwasinbed,inKhushi’sroom.Alone,Iwaslookinghereandthereatthethingsinherroomandtryingtorecollectwhatsheusedtotellmeaboutthemduringourconversations.Thecomputeronmyright,herclosetontheleftandthestoreroom,attachedtothisroom,fullofbooks.ThedisappointmentofnotbeingabletomakeittothehospitalthatnightwasreducedalittlebythethoughtthatIwasgoingtospendthatnightinherroom,onthebedwheresheusedtosleep.Withallthesethoughtsinmind,Idon’trememberwhenIfellasleep.Imusthavesleptforafew

hours.ThenexttimeIwokeup,therewasalittlenoisecomingoutoftheattachedbathroom.Thelightsintheroomhadbeenswitchedoffandtherewasablanketcoveringmefromshouldertotoe.Icheckedmycelltoseethetime.Itwas5a.m.Somebodythenswitchedonthelightinthebathroom.Itriedtofigureoutwhatthatsoundwas.Soon,Irealizedthatitwasthetapwaterfallingintheempty,gianttubinthebathroom.

‘Ah!Sheusedtotellmethis,’Ithoughtwithalittleexcitement.Khushiusedtotellmeaboutthisirritatingthinginmostofour‘goodmorning’calls.

Completelyawakenow,Ismiled,rememberinghernarration.Howwellshehaddescribedthismoment,whichwassopainfulforapersonwhowantedtosleep.Andjustlikeshehadtoldme,hermothercameoutofthebathroomandturnedthegreennightlamponbeforeleavingtheroom.IfeltasifIhadwonsomechampionshipforknowing,inadvance,whatwouldhappen.HowwellIknewmyKhushi,Ithought.Weweremadeforeachother…

Icoveredmyfacewiththeblanket,tryingtoescapethatgreenishlightandthesoundofwaterfallinginthetub.

‘Jesus!Howdoesshebearthiseverymorning?’Iwonderedandwentbacktosleep.

Thenextmorning,IwokeuparoundeightandsawMummaintheotherroom,tryingtowakeherdaughtersupeverytenminutes.

Iwentuptoherandsaid,‘Goodmorning,Mumma.’

‘Goodmorning,betaji,’shereplied,‘Lookatthem,theyaresolazy.’Shepointedatthem,withalittlefrustrationandasmileatthesametime.

IlookedatwhereshewaspointingandsawAmidiandMishadifightingforthecommonblanketintheirsleep.Ifeltpityforthepoorblanketwhichwasbeingpulledhereandtheresooften.Theheadsandfeet,comingoutoftheblanketatoddangles,posedquestionsabouttheirsleepingposturewhichwerehardtoanswer,atleastforme.Amidthisfightfortheblanket,Neeruwasverycalminhersleep.Nothingwasbotheringher,notevenhermother ’swake-upcalls.Watchingthemwithasmile,IwasabouttogotothebathroomwhenIsawalittlehandcomingoutofNeeru’slonghair.

‘Hey!Who’sthat?’Isaidinasweetvoice,tryingtouncoverlittleDaanwhowassandwichedinbetweenhismaasis.HelookedsoverysweetinhissleepthatIcouldnotresistgivinghimagoodmorningkiss.Thefourofthemsleepingonthatbedappearedsogoodtome.Lookingatthem,Irealizedhowmuchtheylovedeachotherandhowclose-knitthisfamilywas.‘Touchwood,’Isaidinmyheart.

Iwasamazedatthemorninginthishousebeingsogood.AndwhenKhushiwouldbebackhere,itwillbesimplyawesome.IwishedIcouldsoonseeallthesiblingsinthishouse,sleepingintheirfunnyway.

By9.20Iwasreadyandthroughwithmymorningprayers.WhilecomingoutofmyroomIsaw

NeeruandAmidiinthekitchen.Iwantedtocrackalittlejokethen,recallingthemorning’ssight.ButIcheckedmyself,maybebecauseofthethoughtsofKhushi’sconditionrunningineveryone’smindandmine,orthesilencethatpervadedthehome.Andifnotthateither,thenbecauseofDad’s

seriouspresenceatthediningtable.

‘Wearegettinglateforthehospital.Whyisthebreakfastnotreadyyet?’Dadaskedthefemalesofthehouse,lookingatthekitchendoor.

WehadtoreachthehospitalandsendJijuandDeepu,whohadbeenthereallnight,backhome.NoonebutMummadaredtoanswerthequestion.‘It’salmostdone,’shesaid.Andinashortwhile,breakfastwasserved.Dadcalledmetojoinhimand,ofcourse,Ididaccordingly.Wetooknearlytwentyminutestohaveourbreakfastandatten,weleftforthehospital.Onourway,suddenly,IhadthesamefeelingthatIhadthedaybeforewhen,forthefirsttime,IwasenteringtheICU,wishingtoseeher.

Soon,wewereinthehospital.OntheICUfloor,IsawDeepuhalf-asleepinacornerchairinthehall.DadandIwentstraighttohim.

‘HeyDeepu,’Isaid,placingmyhandonhisshoulder.

Hewokeupwithastartandlookedup.HewastiredandIcouldseethesleepinhiseyes.‘Hi,’hesaid,gettingupfromhisseat.

‘Didthedoctorsseeherthismorning?’Dadaskedhim.

‘Yes,theysawher.Infact,alittlewhileago,theytalkedtomeandsaidthattheywillbegoingforaCTscanbynoon.Theywanttocheckthepresentstatusofthebloodclotsindidi’sbrain.’Meanwhile,Jijujoinedourconversation.Hehadgonetogetawaterbottlefromtheshopinthehospitalcampus.HetoogotanupdatefromDeepu.Alittlelater,Dadaskedbothofthemtogobackhomesothattheycouldhavebreakfastandtakesomerest.ButJijuinsistedonstayingthereforawhile,withus.HesuspectedthatthedoctorsmightbetakingKhushifortheCTscansoonandthenhe

toocouldseeher.Sohestayedback,whileDeepuleftforhomeinhiscar.Deepuwasdefinitelynotgoingtorest,astherewasimportantworkathometobecompleted.

Thethreeofusoccupiedvacantchairsindifferentrowsonthatfloor.Istartedlookingatthe

peoplearoundme—somesleeping,sometalkingtotheirdearonesontheirmobiles,somechantingprayersandafewwipingtheirtears.Deepintheireyeswasafearwhichtheywerefightingagainst.Therewasthissmellintheair,peculiartoeveryhospitalinthiscountry.InfrontofuswastheICUdoorwhichwasscaringmeanawfullot.

IntherightcornerofthisfloortherewasaTVset,ataheight.SomeIndiaversusSriLankaserieswason,withthevolumealmostzero.AfewyoungsterswerefollowingthematchbeforealadydemandedtoseetherepeattelecastofaSaas-Bahuserialwhichshehadmissedlastnight.Accordingtothepersonsittingnexttome,thisladywasquitehappytodayasherfather-in-lawwasbeingdischargedfromtheICUinafewhours.Themomentsheheardthisnewsfromherdoctor,shediscoveredawaytocelebratebywatchingrerunsofherfavoritesoap.

Somuchwashappeningaroundme.Everyfiveminutes,theelevatordooropenedinordertoflushoutandtakeindifferentpeople.Nursesandwardboyswheeledpatientsontrolleystodifferent

roomsontheothersideoftheICUdoor.Frequentannouncementscalledforattendantstomeettheirrespectivedoctorsand,witheverycall,theconcernedpersonsrushedtotheICUinhopeandfear.Thiswasanaltogethernewatmosphereformeor,probably,foreveryoneonthisfloor.ThedoctorsontheothersideoftheICUdoorseemedlikeGodstousandthegatekeeperattheentrance,theirmessenger.Andjustlikeatemple,weweresupposedtoremoveourshoesatthedoorbeforemovingin.Attimes,thesamedooropenedfromtheothersideandwesawpeoplecomingout,somesmiling,someabouttoburstintotears.

Finally,therewasanannouncementforustoo.‘Bedno.3.AttendantsofKhushi,pleasecomein.’Thiswasenoughtosendmyheartracing.Despitethesweatonmyforehead,allofasuddenIfeltextremelycoldinside.Istartedbreathingheavily.IknewthetimehadcomewhenIwasgoingtoseesomethingwhichwoulddisturbme.IlookedatDadandJijuandthenthethreeofusrushedtowardsthedoor.Bynow,noneofushadseenherandIdon’tknowwhatwashappeningtothem,butIwasshaking.IfeltJiju’shandonmyshouldertryingtocomfortmeasweapproachedthedoor.‘Yes,’Dadsaidtothegatekeeper.

‘GototheCTscanroomonthegroundfloor.Thenurseshavetakenherthereforthescan,’thegatekeepertoldus.

Werushedtowardstheelevator.Thedoorwasabouttoclosewhenwesqueezedourselvesin.Atthegroundfloor,outsidetheelevatordoor,IaskedtheguardfordirectionstotheCT-scanroom.Busywithhiscellphonehepointedtheway.Iwasrunning,withDadandJijutryingtocatchup.IpassedbymanyroomsonthisfloorandfinallyreachedthezonewhereIsawaboardwhichread‘CTscan’.Theentrancetothiszonewasagrill-likestructurebehindwhichtherewasareceptioncounter.‘Yes?’oneoftheladiesatthereceptionaskedme.

‘HastheCTscanofthepatientnamedKhushistarted?’Iaskedher,tyingmyshoelacewhichhadcomeundonewhileIwasrunning.

Sheglancedatthelastentriesinherthickregister.Meanwhile,IturnedbacktoseeDadandJiju,whowerestillfourblocksawayfromthisroom.

‘Canyouseethatstretcherinside,behindthatgreencurtain?That’syourpatientandtheCTscanisabouttostartinashortwhile,’shesaid,pointingtowardstheCT-scanroom.‘Whoareyouand…’shetriedtoaskmebut,beforeshecouldcompleteherquestions,myfeetstartedmovingtowardsthatstretcher.AllofasuddenIwascalm.Ifelteverythingaroundmewasfreezing,asiftimewasslowingdowneverysecond.Thevoicesaroundmegrewdiminmyears.Iwasseeingpeoplearoundmeandtheiractionsbutwasnotabletohearthematall.Icouldseethereceptionladybehindmestillaskingsomanyquestionsandprohibitingmefromgoingin,butIwasnotabletounderstandherandIkeptwalkingtowardsthegreencurtainwithoutevenblinking.Atthedoor,thewardboytriedtostopme,possiblyatthereceptionist’scommand.Idon’trememberhisfaceandwhathadhappenedtohim,buttherewassomething,somethingbecauseofwhichhetookhishandsoffmetheverynextmoment.Maybeitwasmytearsfallingonhishands…

And,finally,Iwasstandingbesideher.

Seeingher,myheartmeltedinsideme.NeverinmyworstnightmarecouldIhaveseenherthis

way.Mysweetheart,myKhushiwasinfrontofmeandherbodyrevealedwhatshehadgonethrough.Mostofherbodywascoveredwithawhitebedsheet.Herinnocentfacehadsufferedsomanyinjuries.Therewerebloodclotsonherswollenrighteye.Therewerescars,bigandsmall,onherentireface.Athickventilatortuberandownhernose.Herbrokenjawwastemporarilyfixedwithbandages.Thesoftskinofherrightarmborethemarksofsomanyinjectionsthatithadturnedblue.Icouldseemultipletubesofdifferentdiameterspiercingdifferentpartsofherbody.Onherbedshewassurroundedbyvariousmedicalequipmentincludingaventilator,asmallmonitortoreadtheheart-beat,anoxygen-cylinderextensionandmedicinebagswithinjectionsandmedicineinthem.Andthereweretheseconstantbeepsfromtheventilator.

Isawherhand,comingoutfromunderthebedsheetatmyside.Itouchedherlittlefingervery

gently.Inresponse,Ifeltherbeautifulfingerscrawlingonmypalmand,withthat,Isuddenlyheldherhandandstartedcrying,seeingmydearestbearingthatpainallalone.

Ifeltahandonmyshoulderagain.Regainingmysenses,IlookedbacktoseeJijustandingbehindmelookingather.Dadapproachedherfromtheothersideandwasobservingherwithloveandwarmthinhiseyes.Indeed,it’shardforafathertoseehisdaughterbreathingwiththehelpofasupportsystem.AndthereIwas,stillholdingherhand.Thethreeofus,standingbesideourdearKhushi,wereprayinghard,withallourheartandsoul.

‘Wehavetotakeherforthescan,’afemininevoicebrokethesilenceinthatroom.ShewasthenursewhowasinchargeandhadbeentogettheCTscanmachineready.

Shecalledthewardboyattheentranceforhelpandwheeledthestretchertothescanner.Itwasagiant,white-coloured,wheel-likestructurewhichIhadseenearlieronlyinsomemovies.Iwasfeelingapprehensive.

‘Helpmetoshifthertothescanner,’thenursesaidinaloudvoicewhileassemblingtheventilatortube.

Weallhelpedinshiftingherfromthestretcher.Iwasstandingonherleftalongwiththenurse.DadandJijuwereattheotherside.Thewardboytoocameandstoodbesideusinordertolifther.Weallwereatourpositions,butIcouldn’tunderstandhowwewouldshiftherwithalltheequipmentandvarioustubesattachedtoherbadlyinjuredbody.

‘Now,’thenursesaid,commandingallofustolifther.

Allhandswereatworkthatmoment.ThoughDad,JijuandItookutmostcareintransferringhertothescanner,thenursedidnotseemcarefulenoughtome.Sheliftedherfromthestretcherwithoutgivinganysupporttoherneckand,moreover,thewayshegrippedherhandwasdefinitelynotright.‘Thesalinetubehascomeout,’thewardboysaid.

Ijumpedandcaughtholdofthattubetogiveittothenurseassoonaspossiblesothatshecouldfixit.Butthenurseappearedtoolazytodothat.

‘Pleasefixthatthingfirst,’Isaidtoher.

‘Relax,sir.Everydaywehandlemanypatients.Don’tworry,’shesaid,arrogantly.‘Yes,andthat’swhyyouhavebecomesocallous,’Isaidsilently.

Khushihadstartedshowingsomemovementinherhands,whichwasgraduallyincreasing,maybebecauseofthepain.Inalittlewhile,shewasliterallyshakingherhandstogetridoftheneedlespiercingherhand.Seeingher,Ipanickedandaskedthenursetodosomething.‘Sheisinasub-consciousstatewhereeverybodyreactsthisway.Nothingnew,’sheanswered,completelyignoringmypanic.

Maybenotforher,butitwasdefinitelynewforme.Iwasnotabletostandseeingmybetter-halfinthatstate.Iwasgettingfrustratedbythenurse’sbehaviorbutIknewwewerenotinapositiontodoanythingwhichmightaddtoourmiseries.IstoodbesideKhushi,holdingherhandsinmineinordertopreventherfromtakingoffthesalineandventilatortubes.

‘Apartfromyou,everybodycanleavethisroom,’thenursesaidpointingatme.‘Why?’Iaskedherinagentletone.

‘Wearegoingtobeginthescanandusuallyweallowattendantstostayonlyifweneedthem.I

needyoutoholdherhandsthroughoutthescanorshemighttakeoffhersalineneedle,’sheexplained.Dad,Jijuandthewardboylefttheroom.Thenurseclosedthedoorfrominsideandgavemeasleevelessjacket,toprotectmefromtherayscomingoutofthatgiantwhitewheel,Ithink.Shethenwentinsidethecontrolroomtooperatethemachine.Backinthisroom,Iwasstanding,holdingmybeloved’shands,lookingatherface.MyheartbargainingwithGod,‘Anything,butnother.’GraduallyIfeltthestrengthwithwhichshewastryingtoshakeherhands.Itwasgettingdifficultformetoholdherfirmlywithouthurtingher.Noonewasaroundus.Isteeledmyselftoholdhertight.AndIstartedtalkingtoher.

’Hey,dear.IamsosorryifIamhurtingyou,butthisisforyourgood.IamdoingthisbecauseI

wantyoutogetwellsoon.IamdoingthisbecauseyouarethebestthingthateverhappenedtomeandIdon’twanttoseethatgoingawayfrommebecauseIsimplycannotthinkoflivingwithoutyou.Comebacktome,please.Openyoureyesandsee,yourShonaishereforyou.’Holdingherhandsinmine,Ibentdowntowhisperinherears,‘Fight.Fightforme.Forallofus.AndIpromiseyou,wewillprovideyouthebesthospital,thebestdoctors,thebestmedicineandthe

bestcare.’

Forrestofthefewminutes,Ikeptseeingherface.

Meanwhile,thenursecameinfromthecontrolroomconfirmingthatthescanwasdone.Irealizedthatthesoundcomingfromthemachinewasn’tthereanymore.SheopenedthedoorandIsawDadandJijustandingoutside,lookingatme.

Withthehelpofthewardboy,wethenshiftedherbacktothestretcher.Thistime,Itookcaretoshiftthesalinepouch,theurinebagandtheventilatoralongwithher.Ididn’twantanybodytomake

anymistakethistime.Aftershiftingherbacktothestretcher,thewardboywheeledheroutofthescanroom.Wetoowerewalkingalongwiththem.Backattheentrance,Isawthereceptionladyagain,lookingatme.‘Iamsorry,’Isaidandpassedbyher.OnthewaybacktotheICUthenursetookadifferentroute—anelevatorthatledtotheICU.Ourentrancewasprohibited.Westoodthere,seeingthemtakingheraway.

Ijoinedmypalms,prayingtoGodtotakecareofherandmakehergetwellsoon.Thenwe

returnedtotheICUattendant-hall,backonthesamechairs,amidthesamecrowd,hearingsimilar

announcements.Alittlelater,JijuleftforhomeafterDadinsistedthathegoandtakesomerest.DadandIspenttherestofthetimeinthehospitalsittingonourchair,confinedtotheattendant-hall.WhateverIhadseeninthepastfewhourswasflashingthroughmybrain.Herface,herhandsandmyone-sidedconversationwithher.

‘Didsherecognizemyvoice?Didshehearmetalkingtoher?Didshewanttosaysomethingto

me?’ThesewerethequestionsIwasaskingmyselfagainandagain.Forhours,Istruggledwiththesequestionsandbadthoughtsatoneend,andprayersandhopesattheother.

Itwas3p.m.whenPushkararrivedatthehospitalwithalunch-box.ImethimwhileIwascomingoutoftherestroomandupdatedhimabouttoday’sCTscan.

‘Sodidthedoctorstalkaboutthereportstoo?’heasked.

‘Notyet.Theymight,duringtheeveningcounselinghours,’Isaid.

‘Hmm…Ithoughtso.Bytheway,IhavegotlunchforyouandDadandme,’hesaid.

‘IthinkitwouldbebettertosendDadbackhome,sothathecanhavehislunchcomfortablythereandrestalittle.Heseemstobetired.’

‘That’sfine.I’llbeherewithyou.’

Wethenmovedtowardstheattendant-hall.

DespiteDad’sreluctance,wesucceededinsendinghimbackhome.

Ihadmylunchafterthat.Forthenextfewhours,PushkarandIweretalkingtoeachother,aboutouroffice,familyandfriends.AndourKhushi.

Itwas5.30intheeveningwhenwesawDeepucomingoutoftheelevator.ThevisitinghourshadstartedandIknewhewasheretoseehissister.Hesatbesideus,talkingaboutthelittleproblemwithhiscarandthatitneededservicing.Dadhadalreadytoldhimaboutthemorning’sCTscan.

Whenourturnwasannounced,weaskedhimtogoaheadtotheICU.Backinthehall,PushkarandIwereworriedabouttheCT-scanreport.OureyesweregluedtotheICUdoor,waitingforDeeputocomeoutwithsomeupdatefromthedoctors.Andnearlyfifteenminuteslater,wesawhimcomingout.Wegotupfromourseatsandwenttohim.

‘Thedoctorssaythatthebloodclotsarestillpersistingindidi’sbrain.Butthegoodthingisthattheyhavenotworsened,’hesaidbeforewecouldaskhim.

‘Anythingelse?’Iwantedtoknow.

‘Nothingassuch.Sheisinasubconsciousstateandmovingherhandsandlegs.’

WestoodnearthatICUdoorforawhilebeforewewalkedbacktoourseats,wherewesatfor

anotherhourorso.Meanwhile,DadcalledupDeepuonhiscell.Hewantedmetocomebackhome.ThoughIwasnotwillingtoleavethehospital,thefrequentannouncementsfinallymademeleave.Accordingtotheannouncements,onlytheattendantshavingICUpasseswereallowedtostaybackonthisfloorandthecheckingwasabouttobegin.Wejusthadtwopasseswithusandoneofushadtoleave.IdidnotfeellikeaskingeitherPushkarorDeeputodosoandsoIagreedtogo.

‘I’lldropyouhome,’Deepusaid.

‘OK,’IsaidlookingathimandPushkar.

‘Havesometeaathomeandrelaxabit.You’vebeenheresincemorning,’Pushkarsaid,pattingmyshoulder.

‘I will. See you later.’‘Seeyou.’

Whilegoingdownintheelevator,Iwasaskingmyself—andGod,ifHecouldanswerme—whenshewasgoingtoopenhereyesandtalktome.WhenwouldIhearthedoctorssaythatsheisoutofdanger?Whenwillthingsbeallrightforallofusagain?IbeggedGodtotalktomeandanswermyquestions.

Onceatthegroundfloor,wecameoutofthehospital.Itwascoldoutside.Deepuwassaying

somethingtomewhichIignored,stuckinmyone-sidedconversationwithGod.Lookingdownattheroad,lostinmythoughts,IwalkedoutofthehospitalexitfollowingDeepu’sfootsteps.‘That’sourcar,overthere,’Deepupointed.

Withoutresponding,Ifollowedhimandgotinthecar.Mysilencewasobtrusive.Butthen

somethinghappenedinthatcarwhichmademefeelgoodandbrokemysilence.Themomenthe

startedtheengine,themusicsystemturnedonandthepausedsongcontinued:

‘Iamgonnawakeup…It’snotmytimetogo…IguessIwilldieanotherday…’

Iheardthewordsveryclearly,comingoutofthemusicsysteminhiscarthatnight.Makingmyselfcomfortableontheseatnow,IwaswonderingifthiswasjustanothersongorifitwasGodhimselftryingtomakemyconversationtwo-sided,orifthiswasKhushisomehowconveyingwhatshewantedtotellmewhenIwasholdingherhandsinmine.Idon’tknowwhatitwasbut,thoselyricsweremorethanjustwords.Ormaybeitishumantendencytochoosesomethingwhichgivesthemaximumcomfort.

‘Amen,’Iwishedinmyheartand,feelingalittlebetter,startedtalkingtoDeepu.

WereachedhomeandafterawhileDeepuwasabouttoleavewhenDadaskedhimtohavedinnerfirst,sothathedidn’thavetocomebackagain.InthelivingroomIsawJijuandDaanplayingwitheachother.Seeingme,NeerupreparedsometeaforbothJijuandme.Forthenexthalfanhour,the

entirefamilywasintheliving-room.Thatnight,wehadourdinnerataroundnine,afterwhichDeepuleftforthehospital.Iwantedtogobacktothehospitalwithhim,butIknewSusantwasgoingto

accompanyhimthereforthenight.Moreover,someoneathomementionedthatSusantwouldbe

traveling toChandigarh tomorrowandwouldreturnafter twoor threedays. I thoughtI’dreplacehimon those successive nights. Pushkar was supposed to leave for his office that night for someimportantcalls.

Ispentthatnightinherroomagain,onherbed.BeforeclosingmyeyesIrecollectedmomentsfromourhappydaysandprayedtoGodtohealher.Andsoanotherdayinmylifepassedinprayers,hopeandanxiety.

Thenextdaywasprettymuchlikethepreviousone.Dad,JijuandIwereatthehospitalby10.30a.m.Deeputoldusaboutthedoctors’plantooperateonherthighsandjawthatveryday.Accordingtothem,shewasinabetterconditionnowandthustheyweregoingaheadwiththesurgery.Wewereaskedtoreplaceajaw-plateatthehospitalbank,asthedoctorsweregoingtouseonewhileoperatingonherjaw.Moreover,wehadtoarrangefourblooddonorsforreplacementasapproximatelyfourunitsofbloodwasgoingtobeusedfortheoperation.Ididn’tknowaboutthisblood-replacementprincipleearlier.Dadtoldmethatwheneverabloodunitisusedforapatient,thesameamounthastobereplacedbytheattendantsofthepatient,usuallywithintwenty-fourhours.Itwasnotaboutgettingsomecertifiedbloodfromabloodbank—whatweneededwaspeoplewhowoulddonatetheirbloodinthishospital’sblooddonationcenter.‘SowearenowsupposedtosearchfourdonorswhosebloodgroupsareA+andarewillingtogiveusbloodinthenexttwenty-fourhours?’IaskedDad.Iknewthat,inherentirefamily,onlyherDadwasA+andeveryoneelsewasO+,evenme.

‘No,forreplacement,donorscanbeofanybloodgroup.Theonlyconditionisthatanequivalentnumberofunitsneedstobedonated.Andwealreadyhavearrangedthedonors,’Deepuclarified.‘Whoarethey?’Iasked

‘TwoofSusant’sclosefriends,theadminfromCSCandme.’

‘EvenIcanbeadonor.WecanaskoneofSusant’sfriendstostayback,’Isaid.

‘Everybodyisherebynowandweshouldjudiciouslyusepersonsfromourfamilytodonateblood.Therecanbeworst-casescenariosanymoment,wherewemightnotfindotherstodonatebloodontime.Remember,ifyoudonatebloodnow,youcan’tforthenextthreemonths.’Hehadapoint.Ijustwishedthattheworst-casescenarioswouldnotarrive.

‘IwillgowithSusant’sfriendstothebloodbankandafterthatIwillleaveforhome.Needtohavesomefoodbeforedonatingblood,’hesaidandwentoff.

Mycellphonerang,then.Ilookedatmywatchwhiletakingthecellfrommypocket.Itwas11andI knew this was mom’s call. She would ring me twice everyday to get an update about ourdiscussionswiththedoctors.

‘SatSriAkal,Mumma,’Isaid,movingoutof thecrowdedhall.‘SatSriAkal,beta.Howareyou?’

‘Iamfine.Howisyourbackache?Anyrelief?’

‘It’sthesameasbefore.Itbecomestroublesomeattimes,butIamfine.AnyupdateonKhushi’scondition?’

Itoldheraboutthedoctor ’sdecisiontooperateonKhushitodayandthebloodreplenishmentthing.SheexpressedconcernabouttheoperationandItriedtocomforther,sayingitwasbecauseKhushiwasbettertodaythatthedoctorscouldtakethisdecision.Asusual,shealsoaskedmeaboutKhushi’smotherandrestofthefamily.Beforehangingup,sheconsoledme,asalways,sayingthatGodisgreatandwouldtakecareofher.

‘Yeah,Iknowshewillbefine.YoutakecareandIwillcallyouagainintheevening.’Withthat,Ihungupandmovedbacktotheattendant-halltolocateDadandJiju.

‘Theyaregoingtostarttheoperationat1.30,’Dadtoldme.

‘Doweneedtodoanythingelsefortheoperation,apartfromthedonorsandthejaw-platereplacement?’Iasked.

‘Iaskedbut,accordingtothedoctors,wedon’tneedtodoanythingelseatourend.’

The operation began on time, that afternoon. Iwas told that itwas going to take at least threehours.Weallwerenowsittinginadifferentwaiting-hallonthe1stfloorofthebuilding.Infrontwasadoorwith‘OT’writtenonitandaredbulbaboveitwhichwasswitchedon.

TheanxietyandthechillwerebackinmeandIthinkitwasthesamewithallofus.Wewere

scarcelytalking.Strandedbetweenfearandhope,pacingupanddownthewaiting-hall.Timestoodstill.Minutespassedlikehours,hourslikedays.Andallalong,therewereourfearsandhopes,battlingwitheachother,winningandlosingatdifferentmoments.

Istoodatthewindow,watchingthetrafficoutsideandtheweatherwhichwaschangingdrastically.Allofasuddenitwasgettingdark.BlackcloudshoveredintheskiesofFaridabad.Itwasgoingtorainheavily.Iwasstilllookingthroughthewindowwhenmyphonerang.ItwasHappy.Ipickeduphiscall.

‘Hey!Happyveer.’

‘Hey!Howismybrotherdoingandhowismybhabhinow?’

‘Theyareoperatingonthefracturesinherthighsandjaw.It’sgoingtotaketwomorehours.’‘ButwhenIlastcalled,yousaidthedoctorswerenotgoingtooperateonhersosoon?’‘Yes,butthismorningtheysaidthatshewasinabetterconditiontobeoperatednow.’‘Thatmeanssheisimproving.’

‘Ihopeso.Ijustwanttoseeherwellyaar,’Isaidinalowvoice.

‘Oh,comeon,buddy.Sheisgoingtobeabsolutelyfine.See,shehasshownsomeimprovement,

that’swhythedoctorshavegoneaheadwiththeoperation.It’sjustamatteroftimeandwewillbedancingtogethertothebeatsofbhangraatyourengagement…Whatsay?’Hetriedtoconsolemeandmakemefeelbetter.

‘Yeah,’Isaid.‘Ijustneedhersobadly…everydamnthoughtisshakingmeinsideand…YouknowhowmadlyIloveher.IfeelsolonelyinthiscrowdjustbecauseIamnotabletotalktoher.’‘Iknowdear.Buttakethisasachallenge,asatest,andIamsureyouwillcomeoutofitwithflyingcolours.Justthinkofthegoodtimewhichisgoingtocomeafterthishardtime,whenshewillopenhereyesandtalktoyou.’

Iwishedeverysingleletterofwhathesaidwouldcometrue,nomatterwhat.Iwasabouttoaskhimsomethingwhen,allofasudden,Istartedlosinghisvoice.Icouldseewatersplashingonthe

window,afewinchesfrommynose.Innotime,ithadstartedrainingheavilyandallIcouldsaywas,‘Ican’thearyou…It’srainingheavily,’beforethephonegotdisconnected.

Ilookedoutofthewindowtoseepeoplerushingintothehospitalortheirvehicles.Seeingthatrain,allofasuddenIhadthisunbearableurgetohearhervoice.Sheusedtoenjoytherainswhiletalkingtomeand,maybebecauseofthat,Itoohaddevelopedaromantictendencytotalktoherwhenitrained.ItwasalongtimesinceIhadlastheardhervoiceandIbadlywantedtohearmybelovedvoiceagain.

Iranoutsideinthatheavyrain.IsearchedforacybercaféandsatisfiedmyurgebylisteningtothevoicemessagessheleftformewhileIwasabroad.

I was completely drenched from outside.Andfrominside.

Oneevening,justlikeanyweekdayevening,Iamplayingsnookerwithmyfriendsatmyoffice’shealthclub.

Khushiisgivingmemissedcalls,wantingmetocallher.Thebalanceinhercellphoneislow.

ButIamnotcallingherback.Iambusyplayingmygame.InacoupleofmonthsthereisaSnookertournamentinInfosys,Bhubaneswar,andIampracticinghardforit.

Myphoneringsforthethirdtime.Idisconnect.

Shecallsagain.Iampissedoffandpickupthecall.‘What?’

‘Whyaren’tyoupickingupthephone?’

‘I ampracticing snooker.Youknow that I ambusy playing at this time.’‘Youdon’thavetimeforme?Notevenfiveminutes?’

‘Khushi, please! Canwe talk later? They all are waiting formy shot.’‘Ok,bye.’

Ikeepmycellphonefarawayfromthesnookertableandresumeplaying.Anhourlater,afterwinningtherackofthelastgame,Igobacktopickmyphone.

Thereisamessageinit.Fromher.

Umightbehappy2windtournament,

btsomedayumightbsad,wenumight

wish2tlk2mebtImightnotbable2doso.

Nothingchanged.Evenafterfourdays,thingsremainedthesame—herunconsciousness,thedoctors’inabilitytosayanythingdefinite,ourfears,ourprayersandourtears.

Timeandagain,wewereaskingthedoctorsifweneededtotakeanysecondopiniononhertreatment.Ifwecouldgethertreatedsomewhereelsebeforeitwastoolate.Buttheywerenon-committal.

Witheachpassingday,herbattlewithdeathwasgettingmoredifficult.Constantlybeingonthe

ventilator,shegotpneumonia,herlungswerelackingblood.Shestartedbleedingsomewhereinsideherintestine.Shehadalreadybeengiventenunitsofbloodbutherfallingbloodpressuredidn’tgainanysustenance.

Thethreatoftheworstchangedme.Allofasudden,Istartedbelievinginallkindsofsuperstitionsandmyths.Hadanyonetoldme—‘Pickupafewpebblesfromtheroadandeatthem.Itwillsaveher.’—Iwouldhavedonethattoo.IwassodesperatetomakeherwellthatIwasreadytodoanything.Anything.Withoutasecondthought.

ThementalburdenIwascarrying—weallwerecarrying—wasjusttoomuch.Waiting,hopingforsomegoodnews,whichwedidnotget.Instead,thebadnews,thenewmiserieskeptpilingon.Icouldevenfeelmyhelplessnessandfrustrationleadingtoamentalbreakdown.Anditwashardtostaypositiveandnotlosemycoolandpatience.

Later that evening, the doctors permitted us to take a second opinion for her treatment.Whichmeantthattheyfelttheycouldnotdomore.Herconditionwasdeteriorating.

Weallmadeupourmind.ApolloHospitalwasourlastmedicalhope.

Movingapatientwhowassoseriouswasgoingtobethetoughestpartofhertreatment.TakingheroutfromtheatmosphereofaprotectedICUintotheopenairfullofbacteriaandviruses,thenhertransitfromFaridabadtoDelhiinanambulance,runningamidthebusiesttraffic—allthisinvolvedsomuchrisk.Eventhethoughtofitgavemejitters.Asinglemistakecouldleadtodisaster.Butwehadnootheralternative.

Thenextday,weallweregearedupforthebigtask.Irememberwell,itwasMahavirJayanti

and,inmyheart,Ihadthisfeelingthatweallweregoingtodowellonthatauspiciousday.Butfatekeptthreateningustimeandagain.Wewereabouttotakeheroutofthehospitalwhenherdadwasaskedtodosomething.Weweregivenasetofdocumentstobesignedandthelastonewasadisclaimerwhichread:

‘Thepatient’sconditionisseriousandthisentiretransitionisbeingdoneonthewishofpatient’sfamily.Incaseofanyfurtherdamagewhichmay/maynotleadtothedeathofthepatient,thehospitalwillnotbeheldresponsible.’

Herfathersignedthatpaperandwecameoutaftermakingtheentirepayment.

Inthenexthalfanhour,wewereontheroad.Everysingleminuteinvolvedextremecaution.

Throughout,IkeptsayingGod’snameinmyheart.ItwasthefirsttimeIhadbeeninanambulance.

Beinginanambulanceissodifferentfrombeingontheroad,watchinganambulance.Ineverknewitwassofrightening.Thesirenkepttorturingme.Everythingwasgoingfine,still,everynowandthen,Ikeptaskingthedoctorwithus.And,everytime,hisresponsewaspositive.

Passingthoseforty-fiveminutesofrestlessness,wefinallyreachedApollo.TheyimmediatelytookhertotheICUandwewereaskedtocompletetheformalities.Ittookusalmostanhourafterwhichwewereallowedtoseeherjustonce.IwasthelastpersontoleavetheICU.Istoodthereinfrontofanewdoctorwhowasgoingtohandlehercase.Hewasthesenior-mostpersonamidallthosepeopleinwhiteapronsandhisteamgotbusystudyingtheMRIandX-Rays.Iwantedtotalktohim.Butwhenheappearedinfrontofme,waitingformetosaysomething,Ijustcouldnot.

‘Whathappened?’heasked,placinghishandonmyshoulder.‘A…’

‘Yes?’

Ilookeddown,tryingtospeak.

‘Son!Whathappened?’Heraisedmychin.

‘Canyousaveherforme?’wasallIcouldsaybeforetearsrandownmyface.

‘That’swhatwealwaystrytodohere.Don’tworry,thingswillgetbetter.Youtakecareofyourself.Wewilltakecareofher.’

Somebodycalledhimandhegotbusyagain,studyingherreports.

IcameoutoftheICU.Thetoughestjobofthedaywasover.Shewassuccessfullyadmittedinhernewhospital.Therewasafeelingofvictoryandanewrayofhopewithinourhearts.Laterthatnight,talkingtohermom,Dadsaid,‘Sheisnowinsaferhands.’ThatwasthefirstnightsinceheraccidentwhenIsleptalittlebetter.

‘Butyousaidshewasgoingtobeallright!’

‘See,gentlemen,don’tloseyourcalm.Wecan’tpromiseyouthemoon.Wearetryingourbest.’Thenextevening,Iwastalkingtothedoctors.Theyweresayingthatherconditionwas

deterioratingbecauseofthefallinherplateletcount.Suddenly,thingsappearedverydifferentfromwhatwehadplanned,whatwehadhopedandexpected.

Later,inthemiddleofthenight,analarm-bellrangwhenthedoctorstoldus,‘Herbodyneedsblood.’

‘Blood?Again?’Iasked.

‘Thistime,weneedplateletstobeinjectedintoherbody.Theirlevelhasfallenwaybelowtheexpected.’

‘Wecangetthatfromthebloodbank,right?’herdadasked.

‘Thesecellsdon’tlastformorethanfourtosixhours.Sotheycan’tbestoredinabloodbank.Weneedpeoplewhocandonateplasmacellstoher.’

‘SocanIdonatethosecells?’Iasked.‘Onlyapersonwhosebloodgroupmatcheshersandwhosecell-matchtestispositivecandonate.’

‘Howmuchtimedowehave?’

‘Weneedtodothisassoonaspossible,’theyrepliedandreturnedtowork,inhaste.

Thesituationwasreallybad.Apartfromherdad,nooneelseinherentirefamilyhadtheA+bloodgroup.Andworse,hewasprohibitedfromdonatingbloodbecauseofhisoldage.Inthemiddleofthattoughnight,Deepu,DadandIwerefacinganotherchallenge.

Deepuwastryingtogetintouchwithallpossiblecontacts.WealsogaveacalltotheHRfolksinherofficetoseeiftherewasanypossibilitytogetablood-matchfromherco-workers.IdialedPushkar ’snumbertotellhimabouttheneedofthemoment.

Half anhour later,wegot tohear somethingpositive.Someguy fromhisoffice,whosebloodgroupmatchedwithhers,was ready.Butourbad luckdidn’t let up.Hehad consumed liquor thateveninginaparty.Therewasalcoholinhisbloodandthetestreportsaid,‘Negative.’

Anhourlater,Deepumanagedtogetsomegoodnews.Someoneintheirneighborhoodhadagreedtohelp.Assoonasthatpersonappeared,hewastakentothelabfortheinitialtests.Inawhile,welearntthathisbloodmatchedtherequirementsandhewenttodonatehisplatelets.Backinthewaiting-room,wefeltalittlerelaxedknowingthatwewereabletomeettheimmediateneeds.

Afterhisblooddonation,IwastalkingtothepersonwhowasnolessthanGod’sownmessenger.‘Idon’tknowyouandIdon’tknowhowtothankyou,’Isaid.

‘Ifnotme,thensomeoneelse,’hereplied,sippingfruitjuiceservedbythehospitalstaff.Wearrangedacabtodrophimbackhome.

‘Sheisaniceperson.Iknowher.Don’tworry;shewillbefinesoon,’hesaidashesatinthecabandshookhandswithme.Ididn’tknowwhattosaytothatperson.Wordswerenotenoughforthehelphehadgivenus.

Ataroundthreeinthemorning,Deepu’scousinbrotherreachedthehospital.Itwashisturntostay

backandweallleftforhometotakesomerest.

Butthefearthatsomethingworsewouldcomeupagainstillpersisteddeepinsideme.

Herconditionshowedalittleimprovementinthenexttenhours.Theplasmacountinherbloodwasbetterthanbefore.Butshewasnotinastagewherethedoctorscouldsaythatshewasoutofdanger.Theycouldnotbesureofapositivedevelopment,buttheygaveushope.

Backinmyhometown,myfamilywasworriedaboutme.ItwasaweeksinceIhadleftthem.First,myMummawasconcernedaboutKhushi,andthenforme.Shewasworriedaboutallthatmustbegoingoninmymindamidallthis.SheknewIwasnotdoingwell.Mummawantedtobewithmeatthistime.ShecouldmakeoutthatIneededher.Shetoowantedtobewithme.Myfathersaidshehadnotbeenfeelingwellforthelasttwodays.ShewantedtoseeKhushi,thegirlshehadbeentalkingtoformonths.

WhenIcalledherup,sheaskedmeifIcouldcomebacktoherandthen,bothofuscouldreturntoFaridabad.IhadnoideawhatIshoulddo,thoughIwantedhertobewithme.Then,somethingelsecametomyattention,asIwaslivingwithherfamily.Thepeoplevisitingherhomeweremakingmeself-conscious.Whenherfamilywasquestionedaboutmyidentity.Whentheywereasked,‘Soheisstayingwithyou?Sinceaweek?’Suchquestionsmademeapprehensive.WasImakingtheirlifeuncomfortable?Peopleattimestalkshit,Iknewthat.Iwasnotbotheredaboutmyself,butIdidn’twanttobethesourceoftroubleandgossipabouttheirfamily.Innexttwenty-fourhours,afewmoreunitsofbloodplateletsweregiventoher.Wemanagedtogetthesupportofeveryoneinheroffice.TheirHRaskedfordonationsthroughmailsfromtheemployees.

Soonthingsseemedtobegettingbetter.Ourendlesseffortswereshowingresults.Herbloodplateletcountwasreturningtonormal.

Laterthatevening,Khushi’sdadtoldmethatmymomhadcalledhimup.Hesaidthatmyfamilyneededme.

‘Yourmomwassoworried.Shewantstoseeyouandshewishestobehere.Ifyouwish,youcangobackandbringherwithyou.’

‘Iunderstandhersituation.ButIdon’twanttoleaveKhushiinthiscondition.’

‘Weallareheretotakecareofher.Let’sthinkwiselyandhandlethingswell.Iwillleavethedecisiontoyou.’

‘Iwilltalktothedoctorsandthenmakemydecision.’

Iwenttothedoctor ’schamber.TherewasaladydoctorwhomIhadsometimesseendiagnosingKhushi.Shewaspartoftheteamhandlinghercase.

‘Ma’am,canItalktoyouforawhile?’

‘Yes.’AndbeforeIcouldwalkuptoherdesk,sheasked,‘Youarefromthefamilyofthepatient

onbednumber305,right?’

‘Uh … Yes, Ma’am.’‘Tellme.’

‘Ma’am,duetocertainreasonsmyfamilywantsmebackforashorttime.MymomneedsmeandI have to bring her here along with me. As I’m not mentally prepared to do this, I want yoursuggestion.’Iwassilentforamoment,thenadded,‘YouunderstandwhatImean?’

‘Ido,’shesaidandaskedme,‘MayIknowyourrelationtothepatient?’‘Sheismyfiancée.’

‘Oh,Ithoughtyouwerefamily.’

‘Bynow,Iamamemberofherfamily,’Isaidveryclearly.

Shelookedatmeforawhileandthenlookedatmyhands.

‘Justtwodaysbeforeourengagement,shemetwiththisaccident.

It’sjusttheringthat’sleft,otherwisesheismyfiancée,’Iclarifiedforherasshelookedfortheringonmyfinger.

Shelookedasideandthoughtforawhile,thenturnedbacktome,smilingwithaffection,andsaid,‘Thankyou.’

‘Sorry?’Iwonderedwhatshemeant.

‘Youknow,herface,herbrainandherentirebodyhavesufferedsomuchdamage…’‘Yes,Iknow.’

‘Wearetryingourbest,butthereisnoguaranteethat,fortherestofherlife,shewillbeasbeautifulasshewasbefore.Youknowthattoo?’

‘Yes,Iknow.’

‘Thatyouarestandingbyher,knowingallthis,iswhatmademethankyou…Inmyprofession,Ihaveseenseveralinstanceswherethegirls’in-lawstendtobreakthingsupwiththemattheearliest.Beingawoman,Iunderstandhowmuchthatgirlandherfamilyneedyoursupport.AndmorethanthatIunderstandhowmuchyouloveher.’

Iwassilentforawhile.Then,inashakingvoice,Iaskedher,‘Canyousavemylove?’

‘Godwillhelpusalltosaveyourlove.’Sheputherhandonmyshoulder,tryingtocomfortmeandraisemyhopes.

ThenIaskedherwhatIhadcometoaskher.IexplainedtheconditionbackhomeandaskedifIshouldgobacktogetmymom.‘IamnotsurewhatIshoulddo.Idon’twanttoleaveKhushihereinthisconditiontogetmymom.’

‘Listen.Sheisgoingtoneedyouthemostwhensheopenshereyes.And,withGod’sgrace,ifeverythinggoesfine,itwillstilltakefourorfivedays.’

‘Fourorfivedays?’

‘Yes.Tillthen,shewillbeonsedatives.Soit’sbetterthatyougobackanddowhateverneedstobedone,sothatyoucancomebackattherighttime.Icanunderstandyourmom’sstatetooandIwouldadviceyoutogobackhome,meetyourmotherandthenbringherhere.’

Hearingheranswer,ImadeupmymindtogobacktomyparentsandthenreturntoFaridabadbythenextweek.

Thenextmorning,IsawKhushiforthelasttimebeforeboardingmyplanebacktoBhubaneswar.Shewascalmandunconscious.Ikeptstaringatherfaceforawhile.Inmyheart,Italkedtoher.‘Iwillcomebackandyouwillseemewhenyouopenyoureyes.Seeyousoon,mydear!’

IkissedherhandandIleftthatplace.

Backinmyhometown,mypresencehelpedmomgetbetter.Dadtookeptencouragingme.Weall

weregoingthroughtheworstphaseofourlives.Yet,ourbeingtogetherallowedustostaypositive.Isawthempraying,everyhouroftheirlife,pleadingtoGodtosaveKhushi’slifeforme,andforthem.EveryfewhoursIwouldphoneFaridabad.EverytimeIcalledup,Iwasdesperatetohearsomethingpositive.Andthreedayslater,wefinallydidhearsomethingpositive.Thedoctorsrevealedthatshehasshownaconsiderableamountofimprovement.Herbloodpressurehadstabilized,theplateletcountwasnormalandshewasbetterthanshehadeverbeeninthepasttwoweeks,thoughshestillhadnotregainedconsciousness.

ItwasFridaynight,Iremember.

IthankedGodlikeanything.WeallthankedHim.Thatnewsbroughtsomehappinesstosorrowfulfaces.Aftertheirambiguousstatements,thedoctorshadstartedmakingbetterremarksnow.Eventhoughtheystillusedtoendwith,‘Webelievesheisdoinggood.Buttobesurewehavetowaittillsheregainsconsciousness.’

Therefore,eachoneofuswaswaitingforhertoopenhereyes.

AssoonasIgotthegoodnews,IboardedthebustoBhubaneswar.IwantedtobookairticketstoFaridabadformyentirefamily.Inhaste,Iskippedmydinnertoo.Momentslater,Iwasinthethirdrow,occupyingtheextremerightseatinthebus.Inside,thelightswereturnedoff.ThewindowpaneonmyrightwasopenandIcouldseethemoonandthestarsshininginthesky.Iwashappy.IkeptstaringattheskyforhoursbeforeIfelttiredenoughtosleep.Icouldfeelmyeyesgettingheavier.Ileanedmyheadagainstthewindowandrestedforawhile.

Andthen,afterseveralminutes,somethingstrangehappened.SomethingwhichIcouldnotbelieve.Shufflinginmysleep,Iturnedtomyleft.AndIwasspeechlessthenextsecond.Shewassittingrightbesideme.

Khushiwassittingrightbesideme.

Myshockedeyeskeptstaringather.Itriedtospeakbutcouldnot.Hundredsofquestionsran

throughmymindinthatoneinstantandIcouldnotdecidewhichoneIshouldaskfirst.Ilookedhere

andthere.Inthedarkness,everyotherpassengerwassleeping.

Shesmiled.Theaccidenthadleftnomarksonherfaceorherbody.Sheappearedsobeautiful.Justlikeshehadalwaysbeen.Shewaswearingherengagementsari.

Iwasstillstrugglingtounderstandhowthiscouldbe.

Veryinnocently,sheputherhandtomyforehead,slidingitdowntomycheekandrestingitthere.Thensheaskedme,‘Howareyoudear?’

Itriedtospeak,butmymouthwasdry.Iswallowed.‘Idon’tbelievethis.Youwere…How…?’Thosequestionsremainedincomplete.

‘Iknowwhatyouarewondering.ButIamhereforyou.Onlyforyou.’

‘Butyouwerefarawayfromme,inApollo…unconscious…’IwastryingtoacceptwhateverIwasseeing.

Gently,shekeptansweringmyqueries,‘Shona!Icanneverbeawayfromyou.Iwasalwayshere,andwillalwaysbehere.Rightbesideyou,forever.’

Icouldseeherloveformeinthoseeyes.Somethinginmestartedbelievingthatwhateverwashappeningwastrue.Iwasfeelingcomfortableanddelighted.

AfterafewmomentsofsilenceIspoke,‘Imissedyousomuch,Khushi.FortwoweeksIcouldn’ttalktoyouandyouwere…’

‘Shhhhh!’Sheheldherfingertomylips,notallowingmetospeakfurther.‘Iknowhowyou’vebeenmissingme.Iamsorry,dear.That’swhy,despiteallobstacles,Ihavecometoyou—theoneIlove.’

Shekissedme.

Andthen,shehadasmallboxinherhands.Iwatchedheropeningitinfrontofme.Itwasthe

engagementringthatshegotforme.Withherbeautifulsmile,shebroughttheringoutandlookingup,shetookmyhand.

‘Butwewillbedoing this in frontofeveryonena?’ Iaskedher.‘Nah.Ican’twaitthatlong.’

‘Butwhy?’

‘Idon’thavemuchtime.’

‘Whatdoyoumeanyoudon’thavemuchtime?’

‘Shhh…Youasktoomanyquestions,’shesaid,sweetlytweakingmynose.Andthen,lookingstraightintomyeyes,shecontinued,‘BecauseIamdyingtobeyours…Hey,handsome!Willyoumarryme?’

Inthatmomentofhappiness,Icouldnotutteranything.Ijustnodded.

Sheslidthatbeautifulringontomythirdfingerand,tomysurprise,InoticedtheringIgotfor

herwasalreadyonherthirdfinger.

Ihuggedherandkissedherforeheadandlips.Weheldhands.

Afterfewminutesofromanticsilence,shesuddenlyrecalledsomething.‘Whydidyouskipyourdinner?Youarehungryna.’

‘No,Iamnot,’Isaid,butshedidn’tbelievemeandopenedherbagtogetanotherboxout.Itwasthetiffin-boxsheusedtotaketoheroffice.

‘SeewhatIhavemadeforyou.’

‘Hey!Rajmachawal!’Ialmostshouted,troublingthesleepingpassengers.

Withherownhandsshefedmemyfavoritedish.Wekepttalking.She,morethanI.Wesharedthelastbiteafterwhichshesaidtome,

‘Don’tskipyourmeals.Youhavetotakecareofyourself.’Ididn’treply.Iwasfeelingherfingersinmyhand.‘Promiseme,’shesaid.

‘What?’ Iasked,distracted,making irregular figuresonherpalmwithmyfingers,playingwithherring.

‘Promisemeyouwilltakecareofyourself…Always.’‘Why?’

Mysteriously,shereplied,‘BecauseImaynotbeabletobringrajmachawalforyouallthetime.’Andshelaughed.Shelookedcute.Shekissedmeagainonmyforeheadandlookeddeepintomyeyes.Ifeltsomethingdifferentinthatkiss,inhereyes.

Andthen,justlikeakid,sheaskedme,‘Listen,Iwanttorestmyheadonyourshoulderforawhile.’

Andsosherestedonmyleftshoulder.Wewerestillholdinghands.Afewmomentsofsilence

passed.Icheckedtoseeifshewasasleepwhiletryingtoreleasemyhandfromhers.Shewasn’t.Shedidn’tallowmetotakemyhandaway.Shewantedmetoholdhertight.

Itookherinmyarmswhenshesaid,‘Shona!Thankyouforgivingmetheloveofmylife.’

Ididn’treply,butkissedherhair.Wedidn’ttalkmuch.Iwantedhertorest.Aftersolong,wehadthesemomentstogether.Somemoretimepassed.Idon’tknowhowmuch.Andthen,allofasudden,Ifeltsomethinghittingmyforehead.

Whatwasthat?Icouldnotunderstand.ButIcouldhearsomething.Somesound,somekindof

vibration,botheringme.Fora fewseconds Icouldnot figureoutwhat itwas. Iwasstruggling toopenmyeyes.

Ifoundthewindowpaneonmyrightwasstillopenandmyheadwasrestingagainstthegrill.MaybeIhitmyheadagainstitinmysleep.Iwasregainingmysenses.Inmypocket,mycellphone

wasringing.

Itwasstilldarkinsidethebus.Agustofwindbroughtmecompletelyoutofmysleep.Outsidetheskywascalm,themoonwaslosingitssheen,thestarsweredisappearing.Itwasearlydawn.AndallofasuddenIrealized—theringwasmissingfrommyfinger.Iimmediatelyturnedtomyleftlookingforher.Butshewasn’tthere.Igotscared.Istoodupandlookedhereandthereinordertofindher.ButIcouldnotseeher.Shewasgone,Idon’tknowwhere.

ThephoneinmypocketwasstillringingandinmyconfusionIquicklypulleditout.‘Khushicalling…’itdisplayed.

Icheckedmywristwatch.Itwas4a.m.Itwasanoddtimetocall.‘Itmustbeurgent,’Ithoughtandpickedupthephone.‘Hello?’

ButIdidn’tgetanyresponsefromtheotherside,thoughIcouldhearsomebody’sbreath.‘Dad?’

‘Beta…’

Iwasright.ItwasKhushi’sdad.‘Yes,Dad?’Isaid.

Hespokeafteralongsilence.‘Beta…it’sasadnews.OurKhushiisnomore.Sheleftusafewminutesback…’

‘Butshewasherewithmeafewminutesback…’Iheardsomeoneinsidemescreamingbutnotasoundcameout.

Somethingheavystuckmyheart,aterribleblow.Myeyeswidened.Ifroze.Somekindofcoldnesscrawledwithinme.Mymusclescouldnotmove.Myheartseemedtoalternatelystopbeatingandpumpfuriously.Mybrainwentnumb.Ilostcontrolovermyselfandtheechoofthatmessagebeatagainstmyeardrums.Idon’tremember,Ican’trecallanythingelse.

‘Waheguru…Waheguru…Waheguru…’wasallthatcameoutofme,afterwhichthephonefelloutofmyhands.

Iwasblank.Allthatcametomymindwas—Ineedtogobackhome,tomyparents.Atthemid-waystop, I gotoff thebus andboardedone thatwentback toBurla.Adifferent sortof calmhadcomeoverme.Iwasn’tcrying.

When,hourslater,Iopenedthedoortomyhouse,IsawmyparentsstaringatmewonderingwhyIwasback.Istoodtherestaringbackattheminresponse.

Iwasstillcalm.

Then,summoningallmycourage,Itoldthemthesaddestnewsofmylife.

Assoonasmomheard,shegrippedmywristandlookedatthepicturesofprophetsandGodsonourwallinanger.Dadburiedhisfaceinhishands.Momcried,Dadcriedandtheircriesechoedinthatroom.Iwasstillcalm.Ormaybeitwasanumbness.Nothingseemedtoregisterinmymind.Ilookedatthemforawhileandthenleftthemtogointomyroom.

Ilayonmybed,pullingtheblanketcompletelyoverme.Icurledupthere,squeezingmyhands

betweenmythighs.

Icried.

WithoutHer

‘Forpastfewhours,wewereseeingthesignsofimprovementinher,butallofasuddenherbloodpressurefelldowndrastically.Theimpactwassomuchthatitledtoherheartcollapse,’saidthedoctors.

Thefamilywantedtoseeher.

Thedoctorssaidtheycouldn’thandoverthebodytothefamily.

(Didyounotice?Yes,body.That’swhattheysaid.Shenolongerhadaname.Shewasjustabody.Adeadbody.)

Itwasanaccidentandthepolicehadtobeinvolved,therewerelegalformalitiestobetakencareof,afterwhichherbodywastobetakenforthepostmortem.Thefamilypleadedwiththemtospareherfromtheautopsy,buttheauthoritiesdrovehertoaplacewheretherestofhermortalremainsweretornapart.

Farawayfromallthatwashappening,Iwasstillinastateofshock.Thetruthwassohardto

accept.Idon’tknowwhathappenedlater,butIcouldimaginewhatwashappeningatherplace…Iheardthosecriesofpainaroundme.Isawherfingers,andIclutchedatherringinmyrightpocket.IsawherbeingswathedinwhiteandIgrabbedhercolourfulsariclosetomyheart.Somethingwithinmewasgoingnumb,realizingthatIcouldnotbethereduringherlastmoments.

Momentslater,Icouldfeelthatsomethinginnocentwasbeingburnt.Ididn’tevengetachancetokissherdeadhand…

Adeadsilencepersistedinmyhouse.Unlikeme,myparentscriedinprivate,fortheyhadtostrengthenme.Theydidn’tevengettoseethegirltheirsonwantedtomarry.Intheevening,Dadbookedtheticketsandthenextday,bothofusleftforFaridabad.

Adaylater,intheafternoon,Iopenedthedoortotheirhouse.Amidsteveryone(Ididn’tknowthemall),InoticedhermomandIrushedtohugher,beforewebothburstintotears.Theironyofit…Thehome,whichwasgoingtosparkleincelebrationoftheirdaughter ’sengagement,hadsuchadifferentatmospherenow.Peopleindullclothessatonagiantmattressonthefloorofthevacantdrawingroom.Therewerewhispersandthereweresuddencries.Andtherewerethoseeyesinwhichthetearshaddriedup.Acursehadfallenuponusall.

Amidtheordealofsurvivingwithouther,atherhome,theveryplacewhereshewasbroughtupandnurtured,mydaypassedsomehow.Eveningapproached.Moredistantrelatives,moreacquaintanceshadarrived.Andthisledtomorecriesandmoretears.Seeingallthis,Iwantedtorun

awaytosomeplacewhereIcouldbealonewithjusthermemoriesforcompany…toroom301

maybe…

Everythingwassounbelievable.Yet,itwasreal.

Itgotdarkatabouteight.Iwasataphoto-studiogettingapictureofmydeadgirlfriendframed,tokeepinthegurudwaraduringthelastprayerforher,scheduledforthenextday.Guesswhichpicture…?

Itwasoneofthose,whichshestayedawaketilldawntosendme,whenIwasinmyUSoffice.NeverinmyworstnightmarecouldIhavethoughtthatsomedayI’dbeusingherpictureforthispurpose.

Whentheshopkeeperhandedmetheframe,Ihappenedtolookintohereyesinthatpicture.Theywerebeautiful.

Secondslater,IfeltAmidi’sfingerswipingmyweteyelashes.Wepaidandleftforhome.

Thenextday,weallassembledinthegurudwara.Alastprayerforthepeaceofherdepartedsoul.ThemomentIentered,mygazefelluponherphotographwhichwasnowdeckedwithflowers.Nooneonearthwouldwanttoseehisgirlfriend’spicturedeckedwithflowers.Itjustkillsyou.Andit’ssohardtofacethistruthagainandagainand,yet,restrainyourselfinfrontofeverybody.

Shestillappearedsobeautiful.

Everyonegatheredtherewasdressedinwhite.Afewpeoplewerepraying.WhenIpassedbytherowofladies,Iheardafewmurmurs,‘Thisistheguywhowasgoingtomarryher.’IheardbutIignoredthemandmademywaytotheextremecorner,awayfrommydad,herdad,herfamilyandGod.

Idon’trememberwhathappenedandforhowlongIwasthere.Iwaswithherinmymemories.

And,subconsciously,Iwasfollowingtheactionsoftheothers.Whentheystoodup,Istoodup.Whentheybowed,Ibowed.Inafewhours,Ithink,itwasallover…exceptforthepaininmyachingheart.Backatherhomethatafternoon,thefamilywhichwastohostadinnercelebratingtheengagementwasnowhostingherfunerallunch.Thecookswhohadbeenbookedtopreparealavishcuisinewerenowpreparingsomethingelse.Thepeoplewhogotengagementinvitationsafewdaysagowerenowgatheredforsuchadifferentreason.AndwherewasI…?

Servinglunchtothepeoplewhodidn’tevenknowme.

Inthecornerofthatroom,Isawmyownfatemockingme.

Thedayendedandthenightarrivedagain.AndwhileIwishedthathersoulmayrestinpeace,myownsoulwasrestlesswithin.Iwastryingtosleep,butsleepwasfarfromme.ImagesfromthetimeIhadspentwithherkeptrunningthroughmymindforalongtime.That’sthelastthingIremember.Idon’tknowwhenthatfarawaysleepcamenearandembracedme.

‘Hey!Heisback!’

‘Oooooooohhh!Comeon,everybody.Ravin’sbackafterhisengagement.’

Twodayslater,Iwasbackinmyoffice.Apartfromoneortwopeople,noonewasawarehow

realityhaddrasticallychangedforme,howthingsweresodifferentfromwhateveryoneassumed.

And,unaware,myfriendsandcolleaguesrushedtomethemomenttheysawmecomingoutoftheelevator on our floor. In no time, before I could say anything, I found myself enclosed in anirregularcircleofpeople.Theywereshouting,singinganddemandingatreatfromme.

Istoodsilently.

Someoneshouted,‘Hey,showusyourring.’Someoneelseinthecrowdpulledatmyrighthand,lookingforit.

Istillstoodsilently.

Buttheentirefloorkeptlookingatthegatheringaroundme.Fromfaraway,afewfolksshouted,‘Congrats!Buddy.’

‘Where is the ring? Did you forget it in the shower? Or have you dumped it in some bank’slocker?’‘Hahahaha!’

‘Hey,comeon.Speakup.’

AndIwaslookingatthefloor,watchingnothing,gatheringthestrengthtospeak.

‘If she gets to know that you aren’twearing her ring, isn’t she gonna shout at you?’ someonejoked.And I lookedup to face themall. Someof themnoticedmydamp eyes and they stopped theirjokes.‘Shewillnevershoutatme,’Isaidsoftlytothepeopleinfrontofme.Afewheard,afewdidnot.

’Whynot?Haveyoustartedscaringher?’askedavoicefrombehindme.‘Hahahaha!’

Iturnedandfacedeverybody.Myeyestoldthemmymisery.AndIjustmanagedtosay,‘Becausesheisnomore.’

Shedied.Isurvived.

BecauseIsurvived,Idiedeveryday.

Iwasboundbymystarstolivealonelylife.Withouther,Ifeltsoalone.Thoughthefactisthatit’sjustshewhoisgoneandeverythingelseisthesame.Butthis‘everythingelse’isnothingtome…Imissherinmydays.Imissherinmynights.Imisshereverymomentofmylife.AndI’lltellyouwhatthislonelinessfeelslike,whatitfeelsliketolivealifewithoutthepersonyoulovedmorethananythingoranyoneelseintheworld:

Recalling something about her, you happen to laugh and in no time, sometimes even as youlaugh,youtasteyourowntears.

Themoreyouwanttoavoidromancearoundyou,themoreyouwillfindit.Itwilltortureyou.Youwillseecoupleskissingandhuggingeachother,restingtheirheadsoneachother ’sshoulders.Youwillseethemeverywhere,eveninthemoviehallswhereyou’llwanttospendafewhoursindarkness.Youwillfindapairsittingnexttoyou,doingallthatyou,sometimeinthepast,didwith

yourbeloved.Youwillfeelpain,yourheartwillbleed.And,verycalmly,youwillwalkonpretendingyoudidn’tseeanything.

Yourfriendswill talkaboutyetanotherhotchick.Butall thegood-lookinggirlsonthisplanetwillfail to attract you. Nothing excites you, even your sexual desires go into hibernation. Whileworkingoutinthegym,youwilltrytolifttheheaviestweights.Later,standingundertheshower,youwillcryhardbutnobodywillhearyou.Thesplashingoftheshowerwillmaskthesoundsofyoursobbing.

Youwillsearchforandconsumeanythingthatcaneraseyourmemory.

And,believeme,yourlifewillappearworsethandeath.

Everythingthatbroughtasmiletomyfacehadnowstartedtorturingme.EventheShaadi.com

adsontheInternetaddedtomyagony.Irememberhowsheusedtotellmethat,afterourmarriage,wewouldputasuccessstoryonthewebsite.IneverknewIwouldbewritingatragedy.

Attimes,Ifeltlikeadrugaddictwhobadlyneedshisnexthit.Butatleastanaddicthashisdrugs…Ifeltsuffocated.Asifsomethingwasstoppingmybreath.Asifsomethingwaschokingmysoul.Igotscaredofthings.Idon’tknowwhattheywere,buttheywouldn’tletmesleep.And,likeakid,I’drushtomymom,tosleepbesideher.Shewouldpatmyforehead.Still,forhours,Iwouldstareatthefanrotatingaboveme.

IfeverIfellasleep,Iwouldwaketonightmares,screaming.Thetimewasalways4a.m.

ThePresent

20July2007

Averyspecialday.Adayofcelebrationandmourning.

Anothereveningarrives,sosimilarandsodifferentfromtheoneexactlyayearago.Thisevening,Iamrecallingthatevening,whenIreceivedherfirstSMS,whenwetalkedforthefirsttime,onthephone.Wantingtoknow—fromsomeone,everyoneandnoone—whyIhadtoliveboththeseevenings.Lifewouldhavebeenbliss,ifIweretoliveonlyoneofthem,butnotboth.Hadthesecondnotarrived,Iwouldhavebeenkissingmyengagementring,talkingtoher,celebratingayearofbeingtogether.Hadthefirstnotarrived,therewouldhavebeennosecondone.

Itwasrainingthenanditisrainingtodayaswell.Ididn’thavealovelifethenandIhavenone,now.Ineverwishedtohavesomeonesospecialortobecomesospecialtosomeonethen,nordoIfeelthatwaytoday.

Butthateveningshewastalkingtome,questioningme,laughingatmysenseofhumor,butsheisnotdoingthattoday.Ididn’tknowheratallthen,todayshelivessomewhereclosetomysoul.WhenIlookback,Ilaughandcryoverthosemoments.Theybringbacksuchmixedfeelingsthatmakemesorestless.ShouldIcelebrateorshouldIweep?LookwhatIhad,lookwhatIlost…Iremember,whiletalkingtoher,howIhadbrandishedmyinvisibleswordintheairinfrontofaninvisibleaudience,andannouncedlikeaking,‘Thisdaywillbecelebratedthroughoutthenationanddeclaredapublicholidayhenceforth.Schoolsandcollegeswillremainclosedonthisday.ThiswillbeasecondValentine’sDayforpeopleinlove.’

Andshehadlaughedatmycraziness.

WhenIlookbacknow,IamrelievedthatIwasn’takingandtherewasnorealaudiencefor,hadtheycometomenowandaskedmetocelebrate,Iwouldhavenoanswers.HereIam,feelingsoaloneeveninthemostcrowdedofplaces.Andwithoutmybetterhalf,thisremaininghalfisgettingworsedaybyday.Somuchpain,somuchgrief…Eventhetearshavedriedup.

Butstill,Ihavetosustainmyself,IhavetoliveandIhavetolaugh…

And,therefore,onthisdayinmyofficewhenthereisnobodyonmyfloor,Iopenherpictureonmycomputer. I teaseher,pinchhernose, runmyfingersoverhereyes,cheeksandbeautiful lips,kissherpassionatelyagainaftersolongandsay,‘Congratulations!We’venowbeenacoupleforayear.Threedaysoffightingand362daysoflove.Notthatbadhaan?’

AndIruntothewashroomtowashawaymytears.Idon’twanttocrytoday.

Thedaypassesinanefforttolaughandtobehappybyanymeans.Nownighthasarrived.Lyingdownonmybed,Iwonder…IfIwereinherplaceandsheinmine,whatwouldherlifehavebeenlike?Wouldshehavebeenabletosurvivewithoutme?Wouldshebelivingjustforthesakeofliving,forthesakeofherfamily,thewayIdonow?WouldshestillhavefaithinGod,whichIlostlongback?Wouldherfamilybethinkingofanothermatchforher?Wouldshe,oneday,forgetme?

Oneyearlater

Thingsaroundmehavereturnedtowhattheyweresometwoyearsago,beforeKhushicameintomylife.Theromanticmoviesonmyvideoshelfhavebeenreplacedbyactionmovies.Iamsleepingontime,astherearenolate-nightcallsnow.MyOrkutstatushasrolledbackfrom‘committed’to‘single’.Ididn’twanttochangeitbecauseIstillfeelcommittedtoher.Buttheawkwardquestionsfrompeopleonmyscrapbookmademe.

Withher,everythingelsehasgone—mydreams,myhappiness,mygood-lookingfutureandalotmore.Ihavechanged(ofcourse,peopletendto).It’sbeenalmostayearsinceI’velaughed.ButIhavelearnttowearafakesmile.It’sverydifficult,butitmakesmyparentsfeelthatIamgettingbetter,eventhoughIknowI’mnot.Idon’ttalkmuch.WhenIamwithfriends,Iwanttobealone.WhenIamalone,Iwantcompany.Nothingcomforts.

Withthearrivalofnightandthepassingofeachday,Irealizethatanotherdayofmylonelylife

hasgone.So,Iamnowlittleclosertotheworldwhereshehasgone.

Andpeople,especiallymyrelatives,havestartedtosaythatIshouldgetmarried,thatmyconditionisnotgood.Theydon’thavethecouragetosaythattomyface,sotheyhintatit,subtly.Myparents(justlikeanybodyelse’s)wanttoseemehappy.Theyalsofeelthatonlysomeothergirlcouldconsolemeandmakemeforgeteverythingandstartanewlife.

But,anothergirl?

WhatwouldItellher?ThatIspentthebesthourofmylifeinthelapofagirlwhoisnotyou?ThatImayhavemarriedyoubutI’mstillinlovewithagirlwhodoesn’texist?Thatwhateveryoudo,everytimeIcompareyouwithher,evenwhenyoukissme?Won’tIbescrewingupsomanylives—thegirl’s,herfamily’s,myfamily’s.Andmine?Butmineisalreadyscrewedup.Ikeepaskingmyselfthesequestions.AndbecauseIdon’thaveanyanswerstothem,Iwalkawaywheneverthissubjectcomesup.Andthenmymomanddadaskme,‘Whereareyougoing?’‘Idon’tknow,’Isay.

‘Howlongareyougoingtoescapethesequestionsbeta?You’vegottosettledownsomeday.’

‘Idon’tfeellikeit,’Isay.Then,afteralongpause,‘Allright,Iamgettinglate.Iamleavingtoseeafriendofmine.’

‘Wait!Youhavetoanswerus.Whycan’tyouthinkagainofsettlingdown?Whycan’tyouthinkofadifferentgirl?’

‘Icannot,Dad.’‘Butwhynot?’

‘Because…’andIstopandwalkawayfromthediscussionandmyhome.Inthebackground,IhearmyDadshoutingthesamequestion‘Butwhynot?’

‘Because,tothinkofanothergirl,Ifeellikeawhore,’Isilentlysaytotheemptinessaroundme.

Iaminmyneighborhoodpark.Itisearlymorning.AfteralongjogIamrestingonabench.Thereisawomansittingnexttome.Idon’tknowher.

Sheisknittingaredsweater.Sheiswithherdaughterwhoisonthesee-sawwithanotherboyinthatpark.Sheisprobablysixyearsold.

Therearealotofpeopleinthepark.Alotofkidstoo.Idon’tknowanyofthem.

Iamlostinthought,withmyhandsunderneathmychin.Thesee-saw,rightinfrontofmyeyes,hasbecomeblurred.Myeyesdon’tmove.Interruptingmythoughts,Iheartheloudvoiceofthewomansittingnexttome.

‘Don’tdothat!Sitproperlyoryou’llfall.’

Infrontofmyunfocussedeyes,theblurredsee-sawisrisingupandgoingdown.ThenitspeedsupandIhearthesamevoiceagain.

‘Don’tdothat,youwillfall…No…No…Noooo!’

Allofsudden,theothersideofthesee-sawdoesn’tcomeup.Itstopsabruptly.

Thelittlegirlislyingontheground.Iamtryingtounderstandwhathashappened.Hermothersittingnexttomecrieshername.

Hername…

Iknowthatname.

And,suddenly,Iamscared.Ilookatherandthenatherdaughter.Iruntohelpher.Iam

worriedandbreathingheavily.Ikneeltoliftherup.Sheisnotcrying.Icheckherface,herhandsandlegsforcutsandscrapes.Innocently,shesayssheisfine.Iamcleaningthedirtfromherclothes.Thereisatearinmyeye.IholdherfaceinmyhandsandtellherthatitisgoodsheisfineandIsmile.

Herworriedmotherreachesusandtakesherinherarms.Istandupandseeshehasdropped

thathalf-knitsweaterontheground.Sheiskissingherforehead.Igobackandpickthesweaterupforher.

IwanttomakesureifwhatIheardwascorrectorjustmyimagination.Iaskher,‘What’syourname?’

Helpingherhairbehindherear,exactlyinthesameway,shesaysinhercutevoice,‘MynameisKhushi.’

Ikeepstaringather forawhile.Hermother looksatme. Itellher,‘It’sabeautifulname.’

ThenIwalkbackhome.

ALSOBYRAVINDERSINGH

CanLoveHappenTwice?

When Ravin first said ‘I love you…’ he meant it forever. The world has known this throughRavin’sbestsellingnovel,ITooHadaLoveStory.ButdidRavin’sstoryreallyendonthelastpageofthatbook?

OnValentine’sDay,a radiostation inChandigarhhostsaveryspecial romanticchatshow.Ravinand his three best friends are invited as guests to talk aboutRavin’s love story.But surprisinglyeveryone apart fromRavin turns up.As the show goes live, there is only one question in everylistener ’smind:whathashappenedtoRavin?

ToanswerthisquestionthethreefriendsbeginreadingfromahandwrittencopyofRavin’s

incompletesecondbook—theentirecitylistensbreathlessly,unabletobelievetherevelationsthatfollow.

ThishighlyanticipatedsequelbyRavinderSinghisanemotionalrollercoasterthatbravelyexploresthehighsandlowsoflove.

Rs125

Acknowledgements

Mysincerethankstothefollowingpeople,fortakingmeaheadinthejourneyofwritingthisbook.Khushi’sDad,forreviewingthisbookfortheveryfirsttimeandhelpingmewithhisfirsteditwork.

PriyankaRathee,mycolleague,mygoodfriend,forbeingpunctualatthe4o’clockeveningteaatUdupiinourcampus,wheresheusedtopendownthosebeautifulprosepiecesforthisbook.RidhimaArora,mycutestanddearestfriend,forbeingthekindofareaderwhocanbeanywriter ’sdelight.Foralwayskeepingmyspiritsupandshowingmethebetterwaystobringthisbookup.

PENGUINMETROREADS

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FirstpublishedbySrishtiPublishersandDistributors2009

Published in PenguinMetroReads by PenguinBooks India 2012Copyright©RavinderSingh2009

Front cover photograph © Getty ImagesCoverdesignbySauravDas

Allrightsreserved

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiouslyandanyresemblancetoanyactualperson,livingordead,eventsorlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

ISBN:978-01-4341-876-4

Thisdigitaleditionpublishedin2012.e-ISBN:978-81-8475-867-2