HUMOR HELPS YOU COPE WITH LIFE ! Spotlight On FUN … · HUMOR HELPS YOU COPE WITH LIFE !Spotlight...

The SpoTlighT – page 1

Clean Jokes • Puzzles • Insight760-917-0815 * www.4spotl ight.net *

SpotlightHUMOR HELPS YOU COPE WITH LIFE !

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On FUN FREE Take Me Home! July/Aug 13


Did Ya Hear This?

Plunkett

Consumers Be Aware• CA state law requires anyone who contracts to do construction or work of improvement be licensed. Please verify the person is licensed!

(Contractor’s State License Board: 1-800-321-2752 or www.cslb.ca.gov)• For health solutions, consult your physician. Health ads and articles are for informational purposes only.

• Financial ads and articles are for informational purposes only. Gobitas, and The Spotlight reserve the right to not accept an ad. We accept no responsibility for errors in copy or in advertisements beyond the cost of the actual space occupied by the error, or for the comments or claims of our advertisers. All disputes to be settled in Small Claims Court in Vista, CA.

Plunkett 2 Kid Wisdom 3 Mulva & Silly Sally 6 Puzzles 7 Grandpa’s Wisdom 10 Recipes 12 Cuddles 14 Golf 15 Hearing Advice 16S

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The Importance of Exercising◦ Walking can add minutes to your life.This enables you at 85 years old, to spend an ad-ditional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.◦ My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where he is. ◦ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ◦ I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.◦ Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ◦ I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. ◦ The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, "Well, he looks good doesn't he."◦ If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. ◦ I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years .. Just getting over the hill.

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-If everything seems to be going well, you have obvi-ously overlooked something.-Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.-When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.-I intend to live forever... So far, so good!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camp-ing. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said, "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said, "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied, "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes said, "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

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Kid WisdomThey Say the Funniest Things!

The Flea A little boy was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, the little boy asked, "What happened to the flea?"

-------------------------☺☺☺---------------------- We were at a baseball game, and my daughter was really into the game, doing all the chants. One of the cheers has horn-tooting followed by yelling ‘charge’ and sticking your arm in the air. After doing this with me for almost half the game, my daughter all of a sudden turns to me, and asks, "Mom, who is George and why do we keep cheering for him?'

-------------------------☺☺☺---------------------- My dad took my four and five-year-old brother and sister fishing on his boat. They were asking about his fish finder, and he said that it shows how deep the lake is. He told them it was 20 feet deep, and my sister looked amazed and then asked, "Whose feet? Yours or mine?"

-------------------------☺☺☺---------------------- When my oldest son was five, and I was pregnant with his brother, did not believe I had a baby in my belly. So he came to the 20 week ultrasound with us. The next day he went to school with the ultrasound picture for show and tell. He told the class, "I know my mom's really got a baby in her belly now because he saw it on TV!"

-------------------------☺☺☺---------------------- The absolute most hilarious thing my daughter ever said was when she was around 2 years old. Being a vegan, I wasn't crazy about the idea of her drinking cow's milk, so I tried one day to introduce her to al-mond milk. I told her, "Cow's milk is for baby cows, not people, so I want you to try this almond milk and see if you like it." My little 2-year-old answered back, "Is that what baby almonds drink?"

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Quick Ones◦ Mommy, can’t we please have another baby? I promise I’ll be nice to this one!◦ Mommy, I can’t walk any further. My legs are out of power.◦ Do any of your parents use the bank drive thru to get money? No, but that’s how my mom gets our french fries!◦ We’re rich, because we’re a little nerdy and Daddy says nerds have all the money.◦ Dad, I’m not playing games with you! Now send mom up to tuck me into bed.◦ Mom, did God make us in China?◦ Mom, I have a new rule for the house: I will help you. I will undress Eugenie every day and you will pay me for it.◦ You don’t have to worry about how you look, Mom. Everybody is a little fat.◦ Mommy when I’m five I can have beer. Five means beer. Says who, Clarence?◦ Mommy, is that what you’re going to wear to my school when you pick me up?◦ Why is your belly so big? Are you going to have another baby? No.◦ I spy with my little eye, something that is gray. I know! Mommy’s hair!◦ Grammy, I know you’re not old, just your face looks old.◦ Mom, is Nanny old? Yes. Is she 34? No, honey, that is my age.◦ Mommy, the toilet paper needs new batteries! (It was empty.)

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Not What He Wanted My 4 year old’s step-mom had a baby about 3 weeks ago. When asked, “Alex, how do you like your baby brother?” His response was, “I didn’t want a brother! I wanted a rooster!”

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While eating ice-cream in the food court, my son suddenly grabbed his head and yelled out, “Ahhhh! My brain stopped thinking!”

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My daughter after being told to go to her room for punishment: "It’s NOT fair!! I’m being segregated!”

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My 4 yr. old daughter is telling me why she hates preschool in the car on the way to preschool. " ... And I hate school because if you make bad choices you get put on RED, and I hate school because if you make good choices you get a treat. And I’m tired of seeing all the other kids get treats!”

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Concerned Parent? Concerned Grandparent?

A child with special needs should be getting:

• Psychological testing• Interventions• Services such as specialized instruction, speech/language therapy or occupational therapy• Academic progress monitoring

As a parent/grandparent, you should expect:• Quality education for your child• Programs tailored to meet your child’s needs• Frequent progress updates by your child’s teacher(s)

With deep budget cuts in education, your child may not receive the services from school he/she so greatly deserves.

Unless they have an Advocate.

Call For: FREE EvaluationDr. Joseph Todd Jones,

Special Ed AdvocateLicensed Educational PsychologistServing the State of Calif.

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Phone: (760) 809-3116E-Mail: [email protected]

Web: www.toddjones.org


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A Sassy LadyMulva Silly

SallyThings Your Mom Never Said

◦ "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"◦ "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"◦ "Just leave all the lights on...It makes the house look more cheery"◦ "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for an-other week"◦ "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"◦ "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."◦ "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."◦ "I don't have a tissue with me... Just use your sleeve"◦ "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

Guilt Trip Lionel phones his mother. "Mum, how are you?" He asks. "Not too good," answers Lionel's mother, "I've been very weak." Lionel, concerned asks, "Why are you so weak, mother?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 23 days." Lionel stammers, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 23 days?" His mother replies, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should phone ..."

Stairway to Heaven One day Silly Sally and two friends were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. So the redhead friend made it to the 45th step and laughed. The brunette friend made it to the 200th step and laughed. But Silly Sally made it to the 999th step and laughed even before God told his joke. God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet." Silly Sally said, "I know I just now got the first one!"

----------------------------------------- Silly Sally is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions. The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there. Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and Sally is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer gets out of his car and says, "To get to the capitol building, I said to wait here for the num-ber 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" Sally says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

The SpoTlighT – page 7 Solutions p. 15

DownAcross

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There is only one rule: Fill in the grid so that every row, column & small grid contains all digits 1-6 only once.

# 3 # 4

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1 64 1

3 2

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1 Fizzy drinks6 Tack10 Heroic tale14 Large sea snail15 Egg-shaped fruit16 Phlox17 Nightstick18 Smooth19 Little Mermaid's love20 Go at it alone21 Sheet22 Necklaces24 Bawl26 Erred27 All30 Major portion31 Grassy areas32 Tinkle33 Slide on snow36 Spanish 'friend'37 Lubricate38 Jell-o salad40 Gain41 Lasso43 Silly44 Pen fillers45 Blue-penciled46 Musical compositions49 Prune50 Refines ore51 Vase52 Pain56 Left57 Otherwise59 Ditto (2 wds.)60 Seaweed substance61 For fear that62 Repent63 Festive64 Forward65 Typing mistakes

1 Southwest by south2 American river3 Vale4 Permitting5 Air6 Talent7 Weightless8 The other half of Jima9 16th US President10 Bundle11 Eagle's nest12 Toil13 What children learn21 Pastry23 Large Japanese island25 Pyromaniac26 Deceitfulness27 Zeal28 Label29 Rally30 Gladness32 Bakers33 Tiff34 Bovine35 Type of tea39 Crusty42 Pronoun45 Sea eagle46 Alpha's opposite47 Punitive48 Fanatical49 Greek island50 Stolen property51 Soviet Union53 On top54 Taboo55 Leaves58 Sign of the zodiac59 Entrance rug

ASHBEECHBIRCHCHESTNUTCOTTONWOODELM

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A word to the wise isn't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need all the advice!

---------------------☺☺☺------------------


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#1


Grandpa’s Wisdom

HYPOCRISY

Every Conversation Is a Hearing Test!

How did you do today?

Many of us believe that wrongs aren't wrong if it's done by nice people like ourselves. How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. It is easy for men to talk one thing and think another. A bad man is worse when he pretends to be a saint. When you say that you agree to a thing in prin-ciple, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out. We have, in fact, two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not prac-tice, and another which we practice but seldom preach. The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity. The teeth are smiling, but are the heart? Hypocrite: the man who murdered both his par-ents ... pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan. What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say The injury we do and the one we suffer are not weighed in the same scales. Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. We’re all like the moon, we have a dark side we don’t want anyone to see. Those whose conduct gives room for talk are always the first to attack their neighbors. No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A rather pompous-looking deacon was endeavor-ing to impress upon a class of boys the importance of living the Christian life. “Why do people call me a Christian?” the man asked. After a moment’s pause, one youngster said, “Maybe it’s because they don’t know you.”

Judas Trees (Things are not what they seem)On certain sections of the earth there grows a tree which has been named the Judas Tree, be-cause of its deceitfulness. This tree, it is said, has most beautiful crimson blossoms. These appear before the leaves. Their flaming beauty attracts innumerable insects. The busy bee, ever on the lookout for honey, is drawn to the flowers. But every insect, and every bee, that alights upon the blossoms imbibes a fatal opiate, and drops dead from among the crimson blossoms to the earth. Beneath the Judas Tree the earth is strewed with its victims. The poisonous insect and the useful bee, alike, were enticed and met a similar fate—death. Even with the best of intentions, one may meet disaster by endeavoring to be something you are not, showing deceitfulness, hypocrisy, and mis-leading the unwary. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A captain of a ship crossed the deck in a hurry, seemingly very much perplexed. A lady stopped him and asked what the trouble was. "The fact is, madam," he said, "our rudder's broken." "Oh, I shouldn't worry about that," she replied: "being under water all the time, no one will notice it."


Professor SmuglyHelpful Hints

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Ways to Remove Buzzing Pests without Chemicals

Bug spray is designed to kill flying insects, but they may harm more than just aggravating bees and wasps. Chemicals in these sprays can kill beneficial insects and may leave residues that could come in contact with you or your family. So, instead of harsh chemi-cals, go natural. Here’s tips many people have used successfully to ward off wasps and bees and other insect pests:Hair spray A squirt of hair spray can kill or incapacitate buzz-ing insects. Just make sure the hair spray is water-sol-uble, so it’s more environmentally friendly. Also, this type of hair spray will be easier to clean if any spray hits the walls. Powdered garlic Bees find the odour of garlic to be highly repellent. So grab a large container of powdered garlic and shake it around the outdoor areas where the bees are congregating. Plastic bottle Cut off about the top half of a plastic bottle, and then place it inside the bottom, creating a funnel. Tape the edges to keep the top half from slipping. Pour sugared water into the bottle and place it where yellow jackets are buzzing around. The insects will climb in and can’t get out.Be vanilla Turns out that bugs don’t like the smell of vanilla. Dilute 1 tablespoon vanilla extract with 1 cup wa-ter and spray the mixture to discourage mosquitoes, black flies, and ticks. Spray some natural mint mouthwash Insects do not like the smell of mint in any form. Transfer your favorite natural mint mouthwash into a spray container and spray it on the area around you while outdoors.Plant garlic, mint, and rosemary Naturally ward away bugs from your patio meals by planting these three plants in decorative pots or your outdoor garden. They’ll keep the bugs away, plus you can use them in your cooking.

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Spotl ight Recipes:

Ingredients:1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for grill2 sprigs rosemary5 garlic cloves, thinly sliced1 1/4 pounds hanger steak or flank steakCoarse salt and ground pepper1 medium eggplant, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices1 zucchini, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices1 yellow squash, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices1/2 pound cherry tomatoes on the vine, or plum toma-toes, halved1 bunch scallions1 sweet bell pepper (any color), cut into sixths, seeds and stem removed2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar1 1/2 teaspoons honeyDirections: Heat a grill to medium-high. Clean and lightly oil hot grill. In a small ovenproof pot, combine oil, rosemary, and garlic and place on grill. Cook until oil begins to bubble, 2 minutes. Remove herb oil from heat and set aside 3 tablespoons in a small bowl. Brush steak with herb oil, season with salt and pep-per, and grill, turning occasionally, about 10 minutes per side for medium-rare (move steak to a cooler part of grill if it begins to overbrown). Transfer to a cutting board and tent with foil. Let rest 10 minutes before slic-ing thinly against the grain. In batches, brush vegetables with herb oil, season with salt and pepper, and grill, turning occasionally, until tomato skins are split and vegetables are tender, 3 to 5 minutes total. Transfer to a serving platter, along with sliced steak. Add vinegar and honey to reserved oil and whisk together. Season to taste with salt and pepper, then drizzle dressing over steak and vegetables.

Grilled Steak and Summer

Vegetable Salad

Grilled Peach Melba

Ingredients:For The Peach Melba2 large ripe peaches2 tablespoons melted unsalted butter2 tablespoons light-brown sugarFor The Raspberry Sauce1/2 pint raspberries2 tablespoons sugarIce creamDirections: Heat grill to medium. Halve and pit peaches; prick skins with a fork. In a bowl, stir together butter and light-brown sugar; brush butter mixture over peach halves, coating entirely. Make the raspberry sauce: In a bowl, toss raspber-ries with sugar; let sit 5 minutes. Pass through a sieve into another bowl, pressing with a spoon to extract as much liquid as possible; discard solids. Grill peaches on both sides until fruit is tender, 5 to 10 minutes. Serve warm, topped with ice cream and drizzled with raspberry sauce.


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What Really Matters in Life? A vacationing American businessman standing on the pier of a quaint coastal fishing village in southern Mexico watched as a small boat with just one young Mexican fisherman pulled into the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Enjoying the warmth of the early afternoon sun, the American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish. "How long did it take you to catch them?" the Ameri-can casually asked. "Oh, a few hours," the Mexican fisherman replied. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American businessman then asked. The Mexican warmly replied, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The businessman then became serious, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" Responding with a smile, the Mexican fisherman answered, "I sleep late, play with my children, watch ballgames, and take siesta with my wife. Sometimes in the evenings I take a stroll into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, sing a few songs..." The American businessman impatiently interrupted, "Look, I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you to be more profitable. You can start by fishing sev-eral hours longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra money, you can buy a bigger boat. With the additional income that larger boat will bring, before long you can buy a second boat, then a third one, and so on, until you have an entire fleet of fishing boats." Proud of his own sharp thinking, he excitedly elabo-rated a grand scheme which could bring even bigger profits, Having never thought of such things, the Mexican fish-erman asked, "But how long will all this take?" After a rapid mental calculation, the Harvard MBA pronounced, "Probably about 15-20 years, maybe less if you work really hard." "And then what?" asked the fisherman. "Why, that's the best part!" answered the businessman with a laugh. "When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions." (Continued --->)

"Millions? Really? What would I do with it all?" asked the young fisherman in disbelief. "Then you could happily retire with all the money you've made. You could move to a quaint coastal fish-ing village where you could sleep late, play with your grandchildren, watch ballgames, and take siesta with your wife. You could stroll to the village in the evenings where you could play the guitar and sing with your friends all you want." The moral of the story is: Know what really matters in life, and you may find that it is already much closer than you think.

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6 1 2 5 3 45 3 4 1 6 23 6 1 2 4 52 4 5 3 1 61 2 6 4 5 34 5 3 6 2 1

4 1 2 5 3 65 3 6 4 2 12 6 1 3 4 53 4 5 6 1 26 2 3 1 5 41 5 4 2 6 3

Sudoku Solutions #1 #2

Golf

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Not want this land.....It full of holes!


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Hi, my name is Walter Gobitas (Go-bite-us). I wear hearing aids. I understand your concerns and frustrations. Please accept my invitation for you and a friend to come and listen through different types of hearing aids in different sound envi-ronments. You decide which technology works best for you. Then, Lee & Jenny DeVorse (se habla espanol) & I will Custom Craft my Remedy Hearing Aids to fit your acoustic and psychologi-cal needs. Audiologists & Dispensers with a hearing aid problem call the Factory for help. - Now You Can!

The fact is - No one knows what they haven’t heard! They’re not convinced of not hearing well & no one really wants to wear hearing aids.

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