Human Human Relationships Relationships Unit:Unit:Interpersonal Interpersonal RelationshipsRelationships

Learning Objective:Learning Objective:

Discuss the role of Discuss the role of communication in maintaining communication in maintaining relationshipsrelationships

CommunicationCommunication

Effective verbal and nonverbal Effective verbal and nonverbal communication is essential to any communication is essential to any committed relationship.committed relationship.

Major goals of effective communication:Major goals of effective communication: clear, nonjudgmental, and non-punitive clear, nonjudgmental, and non-punitive

interactioninteraction conflict resolution through problem solving conflict resolution through problem solving

rather than coercion or manipulationrather than coercion or manipulation convey what we and others feelconvey what we and others feel establish an atmosphere of trust and honesty in establish an atmosphere of trust and honesty in

resolving or decreasing conflictresolving or decreasing conflict

CommunicationCommunication Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure (telling another person about (telling another person about

oneself) is important in successful communication.oneself) is important in successful communication. Reciprocity is important for self disclosure to be Reciprocity is important for self disclosure to be

effective.effective. Reciprocal self-disclosure increases partners’ liking and Reciprocal self-disclosure increases partners’ liking and

trusting, eliminates guesswork, balances costs and trusting, eliminates guesswork, balances costs and benefits.benefits.

Disclosure is beneficial under four conditions: Disclosure is beneficial under four conditions: esteem support - can reduce anxietyesteem support - can reduce anxiety information support - can give adviceinformation support - can give advice instrumental support - can offer concrete helpinstrumental support - can offer concrete help motivational support - can encouragemotivational support - can encourage

Disclosure can be detrimentalDisclosure can be detrimental if feedback is negativeif feedback is negative if people gain “information power”if people gain “information power”

Social Penetration Social Penetration TheoryTheory

http://www.uky.edu/~drlane/http://www.uky.edu/~drlane/capstone/interpersonal/socpen.html capstone/interpersonal/socpen.html (handout)(handout)

Sex differences in Sex differences in communicationcommunication

Women’s speechWomen’s speech Talk is often an end in Talk is often an end in

itself.itself. Talk may be an effort to Talk may be an effort to

establish equality.establish equality. Questions that probe for Questions that probe for

greater understandinggreater understanding ““Maintenance work” to Maintenance work” to

encourage conversationencourage conversation Personal concrete style Personal concrete style

using details, using details, disclosures, and disclosures, and anecdotesanecdotes

References to emotionsReferences to emotions Tentativeness including Tentativeness including

verbal hedges, verbal hedges, disclaimers, fillers, and disclaimers, fillers, and fluenciesfluencies

Men’s speechMen’s speech Instrumentality to Instrumentality to

accomplish specific accomplish specific purposes.purposes.

Speech is the means to an Speech is the means to an end, not the end itself.end, not the end itself.

Exert control to establish, Exert control to establish, enhance, or defend enhance, or defend personal status and ideas.personal status and ideas.

Conversational dominance Conversational dominance including frequency, including frequency, length, interruptions, length, interruptions, rerouting, reinterpretation, rerouting, reinterpretation, assertion. assertion.

More forceful, direct, More forceful, direct, authoritative.authoritative.

Communication in abstract Communication in abstract terms.terms.

Communication Communication ProblemsProblems

Common communication problemsCommon communication problems Not listeningNot listening Not responding to the issue at handNot responding to the issue at hand Blaming, criticizing, and naggingBlaming, criticizing, and nagging ScapegoatingScapegoating Coercion or contemptCoercion or contempt The silent treatmentThe silent treatment

Communication Communication ProblemsProblems

Power & conflict are normal in relationshipsPower & conflict are normal in relationships

PowerPower is the ability to impose one’s will on is the ability to impose one’s will on others.others. Resource theories assert the spouse with more Resource theories assert the spouse with more

resources has more power.resources has more power. The “principle of least interest” states the The “principle of least interest” states the

person who is less interested has more power.person who is less interested has more power.

ConflictConflict refers to discrete, isolated refers to discrete, isolated disagreements as well as chronic relational disagreements as well as chronic relational problems.problems. All partners and families experience conflict.All partners and families experience conflict. Conflict can help strengthen relationships.Conflict can help strengthen relationships.

What do couples fight What do couples fight about?about?

Money Money HouseworkHousework FidelityFidelity ChildrenChildren PrivacyPrivacy

How do couples How do couples deal with conflict? deal with conflict? Typical techniques:Typical techniques:

SubmissionSubmission CompromiseCompromise StandoffStandoff WithdrawalWithdrawal

Articles:Articles:

http://family.jrank.org/pages/291/http://family.jrank.org/pages/291/Communication.html (handout)Communication.html (handout)

http://www.psychpage.com/gay/http://www.psychpage.com/gay/library/gay_lesbian_violence/library/gay_lesbian_violence/stages_gay_relationships.html (for stages_gay_relationships.html (for reference)reference)

Improving your Improving your communication stylecommunication style

Couples can increase positive Couples can increase positive communication and decrease negative communication and decrease negative patterns in the following ways:patterns in the following ways: Ask for informationAsk for information Don’t generalizeDon’t generalize Stay focused on the issueStay focused on the issue Be specificBe specific Keep it honestKeep it honest Make it kindMake it kind Express appreciationExpress appreciation Use nonverbal communicationUse nonverbal communication Above all, just listenAbove all, just listen

Therapy and ProgramsTherapy and Programs Family therapy and counseling are a booming Family therapy and counseling are a booming

industry.industry. Studies about their effectiveness are mixed.Studies about their effectiveness are mixed.

Some studies show that programs are effective in Some studies show that programs are effective in communication, conflict management, and communication, conflict management, and relationship quality, however the gains are small to relationship quality, however the gains are small to moderate.moderate.

Programs are often criticized because ofPrograms are often criticized because of unqualified therapistsunqualified therapists adherence to traditional gender rolesadherence to traditional gender roles expenseexpense they ignore broad social forces outside of the they ignore broad social forces outside of the

relationship.relationship.