Human Cloning Editorialby Gabriel Chagolla

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TIME SUBMITTED 10-NOV-2016 11:18AM

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ENGL_301-_HUMAN_CLONING_EDITORIAL_FINAL_DRAFT.PDF (1.76M)

good narrowingof focus

choose one

good thesis,just work onthewordiness.

When you revise, you'll want to paraphrase many/much of these quotations.Try to get your number down to 15%. You want quotations to speak with you,not for you. also, you'll want to analyze quotations you do include. In thecounterargument above, you've "anticipated" the argument, but you need todo more than say, this other scientist says it is moral. Go further. I think reallyyou need to consider, "out loud" in the paper, whether it's ethical to create an

OK, here you've

restated the Q into

more digestible form.

here's a great place tolink back to andstrengthen your

counterargument--itcould save X lives peryear. That is anutilitarian argument, bythe way, but you canmake it anyway. Lookup "utilitarian" and"utilitarianism."

maybe rename thissection

weebly?? not listed in your biblio

author?

say it worked before saying the next sentence

and therefore, you'd sayit is ethical, right?

amazing pic!!there should be an author?

oops, who is "it"?

the article says "could very well," so you should say may ormight, vs. will.

thorough research!

QM

QM

FINAL GRADE

88/150

Human Cloning EditorialGRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

PAGE 1

Text Comment. good narrowing of f ocus

Text Comment. choose one

Comment 1Is there another name f or the practice of cloning to produce organs, rather than "humancloning"? I ask because "human cloning" sounds like you're cloning the entire individual, ratherthan cells.

Text Comment. good thesis, just work on the wordiness.

PAGE 2

Q analyzeAlways interpret/analyze any quotations you include in your text. Explain how this quotationrelates to what you've said in this P.

Quot overrelianceLet your quotations speak with you, not f or you. Paraphrase where you can. Shortenquotations.

Text Comment. When you revise, you'll want to paraphrase many/much of thesequotations. Try to get your number down to 15%. You want quotations to speak with you, notf or you. also, you'll want to analyze quotations you do include. In the counterargument above,you've "anticipated" the argument, but you need to do more than say, this other scientist says itis moral. Go f urther. I think really you need to consider, "out loud" in the paper, whether it 'sethical to create an embryo, then terminate its potential f or lif e in order to grow organs/tissues

QM

QM

that might help many. Or is it a 1:1 ratio? (Destroy 1 to help 1, or more?). Or maybe you say theembryo has no potential f or lif e because it 's not in a host body? Whatever your thinking, youneed to better articulate it here. Don't worry, I don't have a side in this argument. I think it 's reallycomplex and would like to know how a f uture scientist views it. :)

PAGE 3

Text Comment. OK, here you've

restated the Q into

more digestible f orm.

Text Comment. here's a great place to link back to and strengthen your counterargument-- it could save X lives per year. That is an utilitarian argument, by the way, but you can make itanyway. Look up "utilitarian" and "utilitarianism."

Text Comment. maybe rename this section

PAGE 4

Text Comment. weebly?? not listed in your biblio

PAGE 5

apa mla ref listUse Purdue OWL to discover the proper content and f ormatting of these entries.

Text Comment. author?

Text Comment. say it worked bef ore saying the next sentence

Text Comment. and theref ore, you'd say it is ethical, right?

deletesome words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.

Text Comment. amazing pic!!

Text Comment. there should be an author?

PAGE 6

Text Comment. oops, who is "it"?

Text Comment. the article says "could very well," so you should say may or might, vs. will.

PAGE 7

Text Comment. thorough research!

PAGE 8

RUBRIC: EDITORIALS RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS

ABSENT OR BELOWBASIC

DEVELOPING

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

ETHICAL RES

ABSENT OR BELOWBASIC

DEVELOPING

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

PERSUASION

Advanced

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.

Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation andlanguage needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a posit ionpersuasively) isn't clear or achieved.

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms andideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a posit ionpersuasively) may be unclear at t imes, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideasand using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a posit ion persuasively)may be implied, but it 's clear and achieved.

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms andideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a posit ionpersuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

Prof icient

Using the appropriate major’s customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom avariety of discipline-appropriate sources.

Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in- text and end-of - text citations and quotationmarks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on onesource.

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in- text and end-of - text citations and quotationmarks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction isnecessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single sourceor uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in- text and end-of - text citations and quotationmarks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)—reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use ofsources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in- text and end-of - text citations and quotationmarks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)—reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use ofsources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

Prof icient

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative meritsof alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work intoa persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOWBASIC

DEVELOPING

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

ORGANIZATION

ABSENT OR BELOWBASIC

DEVELOPING

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

LANG & DESIGN

ABSENT OR BELOWBASIC

DEVELOPING

PROFICIENT

ADVANCED

Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/orobjectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity andbalance may be weak or f lawed.

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity andbalance in argumentation.

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, andinsightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance inargumentation.

Advanced

Organize, f ocus, and communicate one’s thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,transit ions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Pscontain multiple topics or are disorganized.

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,transit ions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogicallylinked. Ps may not be unif ied.

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topicsentences, transit ions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.Ps are usually unif ied.

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transit ions)f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphsare unif ied.

Advanced

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express andinf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensit ivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lecta gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwisedistract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rommeaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventionaland ef f ective.

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional andef f ective.