How To Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush

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  1. 1. One thing humans have a hard time doing is predicting their instincts.
  2. 2. This is something Mother Nature was very, very clever about when she set them up.
  3. 3. Sure, we all have a raw desire to eat, for example, but we also have a huge range of things that can satisfy that hunger.
  4. 4. Even if you have a specific desire for a cheeseburger, for example, you won't starve if you can't find one.
  5. 5. There's plenty of other things that can fit the bill.
  6. 6. Or imagine being really thirsty.
  7. 7. Sure, you may have a hankering for red Gatorade, but if they don't have it at your local 7-11 you won't die of thirst.
  8. 8. You'll happily drink another flavor or even (gasp!) water.
  9. 9. Imagine if your friend invited you to a dinner party.
  10. 10. Would your presence be contingent on what they were serving? Not likely.
  11. 11. This is true for all instincts, especially sexual or romantic desire.
  12. 12. That's the strongest.
  13. 13. However, if it seems easy to switch a pizza for a cheeseburger, even when you've had your heart set on pizza, why is it so hard to stop pursuing any particular girl when she's simply not into you?
  14. 14. The Internet is filled with guys and gals DESPERATE to make that "one person" like them.
  15. 15. However, if you step back, the process is the same.
  16. 16. Before they met that person, they had a "raw instinct" or desire to meet somebody.
  17. 17. Then they met that person and they were close enough.
  18. 18. So now all their energies are focused on that "one person."
  19. 19. But consider this.
  20. 20. You're friend tells you he's having chicken burritos for dinner, and invites you over.
  21. 21. You're fantasizing about chicken burritos all week.
  22. 22. But then you show up, and he's got beef stew instead.
  23. 23. Will you pout, and refuse to eat? Will you feel like you're friend has tricked you?
  24. 24. No.
  25. 25. You may say something, but you'll eat the beef stew, and probably enjoy it.
  26. 26. So why can't we switch our romantic interests as quickly as we can switch our food interests?
  27. 27. It all comes down to our ancient brains.
  28. 28. Food was always just around the corner.
  29. 29. And built deeply into our collective experience is that there's plenty of different kinds of food.
  30. 30. So we KNOW on a deep, instinctive level, that if we don't get the particular food we're after, they'll be a suitable replacement sooner or later.
  31. 31. But with romantic interests, it's a LOT different.
  32. 32. For most of our history, most people only had a couple chances in their entire lives to hook up.
  33. 33. So we were programmed to see those few chances as DO OR DIE on a deep, instinctive level.
  34. 34. That's why when you've got your sites set on your crush, it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE to forget about them and find somebody else.
  35. 35. But here's the thing.
  36. 36. If you literally FORCE yourself to interact with other people, you WILL find somebody that will replace them in your mind.
  37. 37. This is simply a matter of overriding unconscious instincts and programming with conscious thinking and behavior.
  38. 38. This is the stuff civilization is made of.
  39. 39. This is what civilized people do.
  40. 40. If you simply make it a habit, make it part of who you are, to interact with girls (or guys) on a regular basis.
  41. 41. You will be a lot less likely to get messed up emotionally by a crush that doesn't return the affection.
  42. 42.