HOW TO HELP WORKSHOP:CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

Maddison DavisSchool Counseling Services

Overview Statistics

Divorce in America Are the Children At Risk?

Affects on Children How Can You Tell A Child is Hurting? Parental Reactions How Should A School Counselor React?

Advice for Parents Activity: Letter to Parents

Statistics: Divorce in America 1 million + children

feel the effects of their parents’ divorce every year

Nowadays: 50% of marriages

end in divorce 60 % of second

marriages end in divorce

Statistics: Are the Children At Risk?

Studies show that divorce may negatively affect the children later on in life They are more likely to:

have trouble with commitment and intimacy as adults

have negative attitudes towards love and marriage develop a variety of psychosomatic symptoms exhibit a decrease in school performance experience depression show signs of behavior difficulties get a divorce themselves

How Divorce Affects Children 0-3 year olds

Can show irritability, increased crying, fearfulness, sleep problems, separation anxiety, regression, and aggression

4-5 year olds Can become clingy, act out, show fear of abandonment, have nightmares

more frequently 6-12 year olds

May show more aggression, act out, have more mood swings, feel rejected by the “secondary” parent, have decrease in school performance

Adolescents Can have decreased self-esteem, experience more relationship problems,

engage in substance abuse and inappropriate sexual behaviors, experience depression, delinquent behavior

At all ages The children may try to play one parent against the other They also may

feel guilty—like the divorce was their fault—and feel that they should try to restore the marriage

How Can You Tell If A Child Is Hurting?

Children may come in or be sent to your office because they… Become oppositional and

defiant Experience their own

relationship difficulties Show a decrease in academic

performance or behavioral conduct

Engage in substance abuse behaviors

Develop eating disorders Withdraw from family and

friends In an attempt to bring his or

her parents back together, a child may Act out Be “the perfect child”

Parental Reactions

overreact to daily stressors

consume more alcohol seek out mental health

services for depression or anxiety

become more distant feeling pushed away

abuse alcohol or other substances

develop depression or anxiety

Mother is more likely to Father is more likely to

How Should You React As A Counselor?

With students: Always have an open-door Offer ideas for healthy displacement If a student is upset, offer alternative ways

for looking at each situation It is incredibly important for a counselor to

not choose sides with either parent, but to instead choose the student’s side

Advice for Parents Encourage children to maintain a positive

relationship with both parents Maintain a stable routine Don’t bash the “other” parent in front of or to

your children Don’t lean on your child for emotional support Make sure your children are surrounded by a

supportive network of friends and family Above all else: LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU

WILL STILL BE THEIR PARENTS

Activity! Letter to Parents

References http://counselingcorner.net/parents/divor

ce.html

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/110/5/1019.full

http://www.cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/parenting-through-divorce/activities-to-help-children-with-divorce/ http://www.boyertownasd.org/Page/1208

Thank You!