How to handle Difficult Conversations
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Transcript of How to handle Difficult Conversations
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Deepak Babu
Regional Sales Director – Dell Services
How to handle
Difficult Conversations
NAAAP – Milwaukee - Professional Development & Networking Conference
June 2016
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1. Introduction
2.What would you like to hear?
3.Key Takeaways
Speaker
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Regional Sales Director – Dell Services
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What is a Difficult Conversation ?
Message
Emotions
Fear Anxiety Anger Frustration
It is unpleasant to deliver and receive..
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1,2,3….#,$,@.......
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Common Difficult Conversations..
Salary/Money Bad Performance
Feedback
Inappropriate
Behavior
Deny an increase Termination I made a big mistake
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Globalization – The Cultural DimensionImpacts everyday activities at work
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https://geert-hoftede.com/countries.html
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You think you are alone ??
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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
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43%
31%
29%
29%
21%
0% 5% 10% 15% 20% 25% 30% 35% 40% 45% 50%
Not knowing how the other person will respond
Not being able to get a point across clearly
Being in a confrontational situation
Getting upset or emotional
The other person getting upset or emotional
Common concerns
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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
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Process of Difficult Conversation
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Attribution
Difficult Conversations:
How to Discuss What
Matters Most
By
Douglas Stone(Author),
Bruce Patton (Author),
Sheila Heen (Author),
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Let’s dissect it..
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The “What Happened
Conversation”
The Feeling Conversation
The Identity Conversation
Decoding the three Conversations
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What’s the
story here ?
How do I feel?
What should I do
with my feelings? What does this
say about me ?
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Explore; Offer your view as perception and interpretation
Good intent doesn’t excuse bad Impact
Shift to a mutual contribution system
How to handle it
The Truth Assumptions
The Intention Invention
The Blame Game
Crippling Assumptions
“What happened” Conversation
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Have you ever been accused of putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 ?
Ladder of
Inference
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https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_91.htm
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“The Feelings” Conversation
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The Identity Conversation
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Three common identity concepts
• Am I competent?
• Am I a good person?
• Am I worthy of love?
Difficult conversations threaten our identity.
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Worksheet for preparation
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Back to the process – Dialogue
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What can you do?
− Notice when concerns are “at play”
− Make sure you have a shared goal
− Always demonstrate respect
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Resolution
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Use inquiry for learning
• Don’t make statements disguised as questions
• Don’t cross-examine
• Ask open ended questions
• Remain authentic
Acknowledge the feelings behind any arguments
and accusations before problem-solving --
acknowledging is not agreeing
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TALK
T – Think about framing how you think about the conversation differently. Don’t
label it as ‘difficult’. It may be about a tricky subject but, by suggesting solutions
or alternatives, you can focus on constructive outcomes
A – Always use clear, simple and neutral language. Refer to specific examples
and facts
L – Listen to what the other person is saying and hear their point of view. Show
you care about how they see things
K – Keep the focus on the issue, not the person
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http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
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Thank you
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Deepak Babu
Regional Sales Director – Dell Services
@sensibl
linkedin.com/in/deepakbabu
Please feel free to contact with comments and questions