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April/May 2015 Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net Full Circle Community Statement of Purpose The purpose of Full Circle Community is to provide emotional, educational and social supportive services to meet the special needs of divorcing, widowed and single people, who are rebuilding healthy relationships. How to Be Happy After a Divorce submitted by Tony Pane No matter how long you have been married, a divorce might be in your life. You are not happy about it and never expected it. However, no matter how you feel, you can survive, and will, if you keep a positive attitude, as you go ahead alone. 1.) Realize you are not to blame for the outcome of the marriage. There are two people involved and it takes both to make a happy life. 2.) Make happiness your primary concern no matter who is to blame. You are not the first person to be divorced and will not be the last. 3.) Identify your goals in life, and figure out how to achieve them. Go forward and do the things you have always wanted to do. 4.) Join and participate in an active Support Group like Full Circle Community. 5.) Understand that you are a person in your own right, and that by learning, and reading, you can make your own decisions. 6.) Look forward to the future. Do not think that you have to be married to be happy. Remember, you now are ready to do whatever it is in life that you want to. You are no longer on a time schedule to meet your partners needs, and you do not have to ask anyone permission to do anything. Best of all, you do not have loads of dirty wash. 7.) Accept that you are divorced. Join groups, gyms, volunteer, develop new hobbies, read a book, join a book club, go to a movie with a bunch of friends, or just watch the soaps on TV. and invite people (you know) in for coffee. Tips * Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If they make you feel awful, they bring you down. they dwell on your experience and you can't be happy around them...fire them. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Move on and surround yourself with friends that make you feel better not worse. * Do whatever you can to eliminate the anger, hurt or negative emotions left by your ex. Don't dwell on the fact they cheated or were untrustworthy. Don't be a victim. Move on, get over it and don't let every conversation you have be about your ex and all of his wrongs. Pick your chin up, stop wallowing, stop wasting your energy on something you can't change, smile and go forward. That will really annoy them! Exercise is good for stress relief! * Forgive yourself * Try not to dwell on the negative and don't spend time around those people that bring you down emotionally. Avoid emotional vampires. This may mean you have to avoid or ditch old friends or even step away from certain family members until some time has passed and everyone has something else to talk about. * Clear out any abandoned items or property. If they don't want it, don't throw it out, have a yard sale, sell it on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits to spruce up your newly single wardrobe or home. * If you always wanted to get a college degree, it is not to late. Go for it. * If home is feeling empty and strange you can re-arrange the furniture, swap rooms, paint walls that color you always wanted. Buy frilly everything or go with the bachelor theme depending on your sex. The house will seem newer, you'll feel accomplished and it won't look like someone just moved out. * Go visit those relatives your ex didn't like or go to that place you could never get your ex to vacation. * Cut the ties that bind you and your ex. It may be hard but making new friends of your own can be a great experience. You can be introduced into totally new circles of friends. Don't feel like you have to compete for your old friends with your ex. Let them pick sides, you don't need them anyway. Best of all, your ex isn't likely to show up at their BBQ or holiday party. * You'll eventually hear that your ex has moved on. You should too. This doesn't mean that you need to jump on the dating bandwagon before you are ready but you should feel free to go out with friends. If you want to start dating, go for it, you'll feel better. * Self help groups are listed in newspapers. Look for them. * Get new friends. Just being around people that you don't associate with your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't around for the baggage and it will be a fresh new start. Get more than one. * Tour a museum, take in a live show, keep a journal, write a book/poetry. * Look to find a college near you, and take a course. * Travel if you can afford it. Warnings * Being insanely happy will drive your ex nuts. Especially if they are manipulating or treated you poorly. * Take the high road at all times and you will feel much better in the end. Taking drastic measures towards your ex could cause legal issues. * Making hasty decisions about family photographs may be regretted years down the road. Although you or your spouse may not want old wedding or family photos, your kids will appreciate it if you save those. Stick them in the attic or go ahead and give them to your kids if they are old enough. * Realize that if you have children together, you will never really be free of your ex. You can't expect the children to stop mentioning their other parent. If they are minors, you and your ex will have to work out a visitation schedule. * Prepare to lose most, if not all of your married friends. As a single person, you may be perceived as a threat, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems. Don't wait around hoping to hear from them; begin cultivating new friendships. * Make sure you are clear to dispose of any abandoned property before selling it or donating it. Be courteous and don't throw away family heirlooms or something valuable that he/she obviously left behind by mistake. * Be careful when meeting new people. Some would like to take advantage of you. Some might want to exploit you. Most people however are really nice, so do not mistrust eve- ryone. Just be careful, and do not lend money to anyone you do not know.

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  • April/May 2015 Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community

    www.fullcirclecommunity.net

    Full Circle Community Statement of Purpose The purpose of Full Circle Community is to provide emotional, educational and social supportive services to

    meet the special needs of divorcing, widowed and single people, who are rebuilding healthy relationships.

    How to Be Happy After a Divorce submitted by Tony Pane

    No matter how long you have been married, a divorce might be in your life. You are not happy about it and never expected it. However, no matter how you feel, you can survive, and will, if you keep a positive attitude, as you go ahead alone.

    1.) Realize you are not to blame for the outcome of the marriage. There are two people involved and it takes both to make a happy life. 2.) Make happiness your primary concern no matter who is to blame. You are not the first person to be divorced and will not be the last. 3.) Identify your goals in life, and figure out how to achieve them. Go forward and do the things you have always wanted to do. 4.) Join and participate in an active Support Group like Full Circle Community. 5.) Understand that you are a person in your own right, and that by learning, and reading, you can make your own decisions. 6.) Look forward to the future. Do not think that you have to be married to be happy. Remember, you now are ready to do whatever it is in life that you want to. You are no longer on a time schedule to meet your partners needs, and you do not have to ask anyone permission to do anything. Best of all, you do not have loads of dirty wash. 7.) Accept that you are divorced. Join groups, gyms, volunteer, develop new hobbies, read a book, join a book club, go to a movie with a bunch of friends, or just watch the soaps on TV. and invite people (you know) in for coffee.

    Tips

    * Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If they make you feel awful, they bring you down. they dwell on your experience and you can't be happy around them...fire them. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Move on and surround yourself with friends that make you feel better not worse. * Do whatever you can to eliminate the anger, hurt or negative emotions left by your ex. Don't dwell on the fact they cheated or were untrustworthy. Don't be a victim. Move on, get over it and don't let every conversation you have be about your ex and all of his wrongs. Pick your chin up, stop wallowing, stop wasting your energy on something you can't change, smile and go forward. That will really annoy them! Exercise is good for stress relief! * Forgive yourself * Try not to dwell on the negative and don't spend time around those people that bring you down emotionally. Avoid emotional vampires. This may mean you have to avoid or ditch old friends or even step away from certain family members until some time has passed and everyone has something else to talk about. * Clear out any abandoned items or property. If they don't want it, don't throw it out, have a yard sale, sell it on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits to spruce up your newly single wardrobe or home. * If you always wanted to get a college degree, it is not to late. Go for it. * If home is feeling empty and strange you can re-arrange the furniture, swap rooms, paint walls that color you always wanted. Buy frilly everything or go with the bachelor theme depending on your sex. The house will seem newer, you'll feel accomplished and it won't look like someone just moved out. * Go visit those relatives your ex didn't like or go to that place you could never get your ex to vacation. * Cut the ties that bind you and your ex. It may be hard but making new friends of your own can be a great experience. You can be introduced into totally new circles of friends. Don't feel like you have to compete for your old friends with your ex. Let them pick sides, you don't need them anyway. Best of all, your ex isn't likely to show up at their BBQ or holiday party. * You'll eventually hear that your ex has moved on. You should too. This doesn't mean that you need to jump on the dating bandwagon before you are ready but you should feel free to go out with friends. If you want to start dating, go for it, you'll feel better. * Self help groups are listed in newspapers. Look for them. * Get new friends. Just being around people that you don't associate with your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't around for the baggage and it will be a fresh new start. Get more than one. * Tour a museum, take in a live show, keep a journal, write a book/poetry. * Look to find a college near you, and take a course. * Travel if you can afford it.

    Warnings

    * Being insanely happy will drive your ex nuts. Especially if they are manipulating or treated you poorly. * Take the high road at all times and you will feel much better in the end. Taking drastic measures towards your ex could cause legal issues. * Making hasty decisions about family photographs may be regretted years down the road. Although you or your spouse may not want old wedding or family photos, your kids will appreciate it if you save those. Stick them in the attic or go ahead and give them to your kids if they are old enough. * Realize that if you have children together, you will never really be free of your ex. You can't expect the children to stop mentioning their other parent. If they are minors, you and your ex will have to work out a visitation schedule. * Prepare to lose most, if not all of your married friends. As a single person, you may be perceived as a threat, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems. Don't wait around hoping to hear from them; begin cultivating new friendships. * Make sure you are clear to dispose of any abandoned property before selling it or donating it. Be courteous and don't throw away family heirlooms or something valuable that he/she obviously left behind by mistake. * Be careful when meeting new people. Some would like to take advantage of you. Some might want to exploit you. Most people however are really nice, so do not mistrust eve-ryone. Just be careful, and do not lend money to anyone you do not know.

    http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy-After-a-Divorce

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    Leff Tought

    Dear Tought,

    I need to assume you have adult children? My first thought is trust the wisdom of your children; they are telling you a lot without actually saying much! Second, there is no reason to put up with abusive comments. Please talk with your children about ways to separate the time and split the day where you can both you and your ex can pass like ships in the darkness 0f night. Dr D

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