How to Be Happy After a Divorce - Meetupfiles.meetup.com › 13213652 › tmp_25854-April May...
8
April/May 2015 Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net Full Circle Community Statement of Purpose The purpose of Full Circle Community is to provide emotional, educational and social supportive services to meet the special needs of divorcing, widowed and single people, who are rebuilding healthy relationships. How to Be Happy After a Divorce submitted by Tony Pane No matter how long you have been married, a divorce might be in your life. You are not happy about it and never expected it. However, no matter how you feel, you can survive, and will, if you keep a positive attitude, as you go ahead alone. 1.) Realize you are not to blame for the outcome of the marriage. There are two people involved and it takes both to make a happy life. 2.) Make happiness your primary concern no matter who is to blame. You are not the first person to be divorced and will not be the last. 3.) Identify your goals in life, and figure out how to achieve them. Go forward and do the things you have always wanted to do. 4.) Join and participate in an active Support Group like Full Circle Community. 5.) Understand that you are a person in your own right, and that by learning, and reading, you can make your own decisions. 6.) Look forward to the future. Do not think that you have to be married to be happy. Remember, you now are ready to do whatever it is in life that you want to. You are no longer on a time schedule to meet your partners needs, and you do not have to ask anyone permission to do anything. Best of all, you do not have loads of dirty wash. 7.) Accept that you are divorced. Join groups, gyms, volunteer, develop new hobbies, read a book, join a book club, go to a movie with a bunch of friends, or just watch the soaps on TV. and invite people (you know) in for coffee. Tips * Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If they make you feel awful, they bring you down. they dwell on your experience and you can't be happy around them...fire them. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Move on and surround yourself with friends that make you feel better not worse. * Do whatever you can to eliminate the anger, hurt or negative emotions left by your ex. Don't dwell on the fact they cheated or were untrustworthy. Don't be a victim. Move on, get over it and don't let every conversation you have be about your ex and all of his wrongs. Pick your chin up, stop wallowing, stop wasting your energy on something you can't change, smile and go forward. That will really annoy them! Exercise is good for stress relief! * Forgive yourself * Try not to dwell on the negative and don't spend time around those people that bring you down emotionally. Avoid emotional vampires. This may mean you have to avoid or ditch old friends or even step away from certain family members until some time has passed and everyone has something else to talk about. * Clear out any abandoned items or property. If they don't want it, don't throw it out, have a yard sale, sell it on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits to spruce up your newly single wardrobe or home. * If you always wanted to get a college degree, it is not to late. Go for it. * If home is feeling empty and strange you can re-arrange the furniture, swap rooms, paint walls that color you always wanted. Buy frilly everything or go with the bachelor theme depending on your sex. The house will seem newer, you'll feel accomplished and it won't look like someone just moved out. * Go visit those relatives your ex didn't like or go to that place you could never get your ex to vacation. * Cut the ties that bind you and your ex. It may be hard but making new friends of your own can be a great experience. You can be introduced into totally new circles of friends. Don't feel like you have to compete for your old friends with your ex. Let them pick sides, you don't need them anyway. Best of all, your ex isn't likely to show up at their BBQ or holiday party. * You'll eventually hear that your ex has moved on. You should too. This doesn't mean that you need to jump on the dating bandwagon before you are ready but you should feel free to go out with friends. If you want to start dating, go for it, you'll feel better. * Self help groups are listed in newspapers. Look for them. * Get new friends. Just being around people that you don't associate with your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't around for the baggage and it will be a fresh new start. Get more than one. * Tour a museum, take in a live show, keep a journal, write a book/poetry. * Look to find a college near you, and take a course. * Travel if you can afford it. Warnings * Being insanely happy will drive your ex nuts. Especially if they are manipulating or treated you poorly. * Take the high road at all times and you will feel much better in the end. Taking drastic measures towards your ex could cause legal issues. * Making hasty decisions about family photographs may be regretted years down the road. Although you or your spouse may not want old wedding or family photos, your kids will appreciate it if you save those. Stick them in the attic or go ahead and give them to your kids if they are old enough. * Realize that if you have children together, you will never really be free of your ex. You can't expect the children to stop mentioning their other parent. If they are minors, you and your ex will have to work out a visitation schedule. * Prepare to lose most, if not all of your married friends. As a single person, you may be perceived as a threat, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems. Don't wait around hoping to hear from them; begin cultivating new friendships. * Make sure you are clear to dispose of any abandoned property before selling it or donating it. Be courteous and don't throw away family heirlooms or something valuable that he/she obviously left behind by mistake. * Be careful when meeting new people. Some would like to take advantage of you. Some might want to exploit you. Most people however are really nice, so do not mistrust eve- ryone. Just be careful, and do not lend money to anyone you do not know.
Transcript of How to Be Happy After a Divorce - Meetupfiles.meetup.com › 13213652 › tmp_25854-April May...
April/May 2015 Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community
www.fullcirclecommunity.net
Full Circle Community Statement of Purpose The purpose of Full Circle Community is to provide emotional, educational and social supportive services to
meet the special needs of divorcing, widowed and single people, who are rebuilding healthy relationships.
How to Be Happy After a Divorce submitted by Tony Pane
No matter how long you have been married, a divorce might be in your life. You are not happy about it and never expected it. However, no matter how you feel, you can survive, and will, if you keep a positive attitude, as you go ahead alone.
1.) Realize you are not to blame for the outcome of the marriage. There are two people involved and it takes both to make a happy life. 2.) Make happiness your primary concern no matter who is to blame. You are not the first person to be divorced and will not be the last. 3.) Identify your goals in life, and figure out how to achieve them. Go forward and do the things you have always wanted to do. 4.) Join and participate in an active Support Group like Full Circle Community. 5.) Understand that you are a person in your own right, and that by learning, and reading, you can make your own decisions. 6.) Look forward to the future. Do not think that you have to be married to be happy. Remember, you now are ready to do whatever it is in life that you want to. You are no longer on a time schedule to meet your partners needs, and you do not have to ask anyone permission to do anything. Best of all, you do not have loads of dirty wash. 7.) Accept that you are divorced. Join groups, gyms, volunteer, develop new hobbies, read a book, join a book club, go to a movie with a bunch of friends, or just watch the soaps on TV. and invite people (you know) in for coffee.
Tips
* Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If they make you feel awful, they bring you down. they dwell on your experience and you can't be happy around them...fire them. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Move on and surround yourself with friends that make you feel better not worse. * Do whatever you can to eliminate the anger, hurt or negative emotions left by your ex. Don't dwell on the fact they cheated or were untrustworthy. Don't be a victim. Move on, get over it and don't let every conversation you have be about your ex and all of his wrongs. Pick your chin up, stop wallowing, stop wasting your energy on something you can't change, smile and go forward. That will really annoy them! Exercise is good for stress relief! * Forgive yourself * Try not to dwell on the negative and don't spend time around those people that bring you down emotionally. Avoid emotional vampires. This may mean you have to avoid or ditch old friends or even step away from certain family members until some time has passed and everyone has something else to talk about. * Clear out any abandoned items or property. If they don't want it, don't throw it out, have a yard sale, sell it on Ebay and buy yourself something nice with the profits to spruce up your newly single wardrobe or home. * If you always wanted to get a college degree, it is not to late. Go for it. * If home is feeling empty and strange you can re-arrange the furniture, swap rooms, paint walls that color you always wanted. Buy frilly everything or go with the bachelor theme depending on your sex. The house will seem newer, you'll feel accomplished and it won't look like someone just moved out. * Go visit those relatives your ex didn't like or go to that place you could never get your ex to vacation. * Cut the ties that bind you and your ex. It may be hard but making new friends of your own can be a great experience. You can be introduced into totally new circles of friends. Don't feel like you have to compete for your old friends with your ex. Let them pick sides, you don't need them anyway. Best of all, your ex isn't likely to show up at their BBQ or holiday party. * You'll eventually hear that your ex has moved on. You should too. This doesn't mean that you need to jump on the dating bandwagon before you are ready but you should feel free to go out with friends. If you want to start dating, go for it, you'll feel better. * Self help groups are listed in newspapers. Look for them. * Get new friends. Just being around people that you don't associate with your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't around for the baggage and it will be a fresh new start. Get more than one. * Tour a museum, take in a live show, keep a journal, write a book/poetry. * Look to find a college near you, and take a course. * Travel if you can afford it.
Warnings
* Being insanely happy will drive your ex nuts. Especially if they are manipulating or treated you poorly. * Take the high road at all times and you will feel much better in the end. Taking drastic measures towards your ex could cause legal issues. * Making hasty decisions about family photographs may be regretted years down the road. Although you or your spouse may not want old wedding or family photos, your kids will appreciate it if you save those. Stick them in the attic or go ahead and give them to your kids if they are old enough. * Realize that if you have children together, you will never really be free of your ex. You can't expect the children to stop mentioning their other parent. If they are minors, you and your ex will have to work out a visitation schedule. * Prepare to lose most, if not all of your married friends. As a single person, you may be perceived as a threat, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems. Don't wait around hoping to hear from them; begin cultivating new friendships. * Make sure you are clear to dispose of any abandoned property before selling it or donating it. Be courteous and don't throw away family heirlooms or something valuable that he/she obviously left behind by mistake. * Be careful when meeting new people. Some would like to take advantage of you. Some might want to exploit you. Most people however are really nice, so do not mistrust eve-ryone. Just be careful, and do not lend money to anyone you do not know.
Your 2015 Board of Directors:
Officers
President…………...…Rich Thompson 547-9841
Vice President…………....…Tony Pane* 382-6522
Secretary…………….…....Elaine Gibbs* 7 20-7818
Treasurer……………...…Teresa Bailey 352-7781
Committees & Chairpersons
Board Member…………….....Jeff Ford 370-9438
Board Member.……….Dave Lawrence 209-7964
Board Member……........Marsha Lovely 216-3151
Board Member…….….…...Dan Quarry 616-915-1509
Board Member ……………..Kim Smith 757-695-1877
Board Member……..…Terry Thompson 998-3826
Board Member…………....Sue Waters 629-5673
__________________________________________
Director…………...Laurie LeClear 629-9218
Director………….…Kelly Hamlin 532-9250
__________________________________________
Newsletter ………..…….. .Karen Coburn 207-5526
Activities Coordinator…...Terry Thompson 998-3826
Volunteer Coordinator..Melanie Webster 779-7127
Welcome Tony Pane and Elaine Gibbs—New to
the board in 2015!! Congratulations
The topics, advertisements and views of the speakers and writers for Full Circle Community are their own and not
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year
The Genuine. The Original.
Overhead Door Company of Kalamazoo
269-381-9570 5291 Wynn Rd, Kalamazoo
Sales * Installation * Service * Repairs
Want to give back? If you found that Coping with Divorce had a profound
impact on your life and would like to helps others go-
ing through a divorce, we could really use your help.
We are in need of people to help with registration,
food at the meetings, delivering brochures etc. It
doesn’t have to be a standing commitment. Even if
you had just a couple of hours one day. Please let us
know. Call Kelly at 532-9250 THANK YOU
Full Circle Community Board Meeting
Main St. Pub Gull Rd. -
Wednesdays at 7 pm
April 29th and May 27th
All are welcome.
ADVERTISING AND CONTRIBUTIONS
Do you know a business that would like to advertise in this newsletter? This newsletter will reach over 300 people.
Please contact Karen Coburn at 269-207-5526 or [email protected] for advertising rates and information.
To our subscribers: Please remember to mention that you saw the advertiser in Full Circle Times.
Thomas Flemming
Wedding Officiant 269-324-0003
Have robe, will travel!
Tom FlemmingTom Flemming
Divorce & Family MediationDivorce & Family Mediation
Attorney & Licensed CounselorAttorney & Licensed Counselor
We can help you with divorce We can help you with divorce --
privately, respectfully & economically privately, respectfully & economically
www.divorceandfamilymediation.comwww.divorceandfamilymediation.com
269269--324324--0003 0003
Full Circle Fun Events
Oct/Nov 2013 -
BOTM (3rd Wed of each month)
April 15th: 7 pm Main St. Pub on W. Main
Host: Joe Jess
May 20th: 7 pm Home Bar on Portage Rd.
Hosts: Rich and Terry Thompson
GAME NIGHT Saturdays at 7 pm
April 18th Hosts: Steve & Kelly 3315 Wood St., Kalamazoo
May 16th
Host: Dave Lawrence 507 Meachem Rd., Battle Creek
Bring your favorite game, a dish to pass and byob
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net
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For notices of events not mentioned in the newsletter please login
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Wait for a reply and then confirm.
Enjoy Bicycle Riding?
Join our host
Mike Halbeisen
at Alfred E Bike
(downtown Kazoo) the
1st Tuesday of every
month beginning May
5th at 6 pm for a 10-15
mile ride around town.
Music and other things…
State Theatre 345-6500 or kazoostate.com
Bell’s Eccentric Café 382-2332 or bellsbeer.com
The Dock at Bayview - Richland - Live Bands
Arcadia Festivals - downtownkalamazoo.org
Farmers Alley - farmersalleytheatre.com
Happenings Around Town…
Great Lakes Adventure Club (GLAC)
Meets at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church, Portage, MI.
The club is for those who enjoy outdoor activities like
hiking, biking, kayaking, camping, canoeing, rollerblading,
etc. www.greatlakesadventureclub.com
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net
Meetup.com
Looking for something to do? Looking for some-
one to do it with? Don’t sit home again!!! Click
on the website and get connected with other
Kalamazooans and choose from hundreds of
activities like rock climbing, trivia club, card
club, singles club. We’ve had excellent feed-
back from participants. Join the free sub-
group: Full Circle Community (our new group)
or Kalamazoo Enthusiasts. It has hundreds of
members.
1st Friday of every month - 5-9 pm.
April 3rd. :Laurie LeClear host. She will be at
the Consumers Credit Union. 125 S Kalama-
zoo Mall. Featured there is photographer
Tom Cummins. Come enjoy an interactive
activity, snacks & friends.
Brew Pubs in Town
Arcadia Brewing Co.
Boatyard Brewing Co.
Brite Eyes Brewing (opening 2015)
Gonzo’s Biggdogg Brewing
Latitude 42 Brewing Co.
One Well Brewing
Rupert’s Brew House
Texas Corners Brewery
Tibbs Brewing Company
Furr Auto Service Licensed by State of Michigan
*Air Conditioning *Auto Computer Service
*Electrical Service *Maintenance
*Brake Repair *Chassis Service
*Tune Up *Complete Auto Repair
*Carburation *Fuel Injection
______________________________________________
Jack Furr Steve Leversee Larry Ward
2009 Portage Rd. Kalamazoo 49001
269.345.0522
April/May 2015 Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community
www.fullcirclecommunity.net
Newsletter Submissions
Send your information, announcements and news items
for Full Circle Times to: [email protected] Deadline for the Oct/Nov issue of the Newsletter is Nov. 24th.
Due to space consideration, all submissions for Full Circle Times
may be edited or rejected for publication.
Dance at Kalamazoo Dance $10
Saturdays April 18th and May 16th
7—10 pm
The Pointe Community Center
2595 10 St., N, Kalamazoo
Ballroom, Swing, Latin and Country
No partner needed
One hour complimentary dance lesson
Ballroom & Line Dance
Lessons
“Let’s Dance” - Mondays 7-9:30 pm
Westminster Presbyterian Church
1511 Helen St. (Next to Bravo Restaurant) off Portage Rd.
$8 per person. Singles/Couples welcome.
Instructor Phil Martin 375-4475.
Downtown Kalamazoo Inc.
141 E. Michigan Ave., Suite 501 | Kalamazoo, MI 49007
(269) 344-0795 phone
DowntownKalamazoo.org
For county-wide events | DiscoverKalamazoo.com
Facebook | downtown Kalamazoo
Tara L. Renda, LLMSW
Individual Therapist
Experience with Divorce, Family Issues, Grief, Individuals,
Shoplifting, Addictions and Substance Abuse
269-599-5590
Cash clients only—sliding scale available
May 3, 2014
Get your running shoes on!!
5K Walk
5K Run 10K Run
1/2 Marathon
Full Marathon
Dr. Divorce
Dear Dr Divorce:
My kids will invite their dad to Holidays & Parties & and leave me out. They know I have no problem being in the same room. He does have a problem with me being there. I don’t make nasty remarks, but he does. How can I get them to invite both of us?
Leff Tought
Dear Tought,
I need to assume you have adult children? My first thought is trust the wisdom of your children; they are telling you a lot without actually saying much! Second, there is no reason to put up with abusive comments. Please talk with your children about ways to separate the time and split the day where you can both you and your ex can pass like ships in the darkness 0f night. Dr D
Dr Divorce is not a real doctor, he just likes playing doctor! The Dr is also not a lawyer; any implied legal advice should be review by attorney. All of the thoughtful questions are real but the names have been changed to protect the innocent. The Dr does this best to give accurate advice along with a sense of humor.
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net
April 2015 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
2 Straight No Chaser
— State Theatre
Tony & Tina’s Wedding
7:30 Cityscape Events
3
4
5 Happy Easter 6 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
Country Night at Shake-
speares 9 pm
7 8 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
9
Tony & Tina’s Wedding
7:30 Cityscape Events
10
Host: Laurie LeClear
Big Boss Blues at the
Union 9:30 pm
11
12
Team Trivia at
Bells Café 5-9 p
13 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
14 15 BOTM
Main St. Pub on W. Main
Host: Joe Jess
16 17 18
Game Night
7 p Steve & Kelly’s
19
Gazelle Girl 5K and
1/2 Marathon
Team Trivia at
Bells Café 5-9 p
20 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
21 22 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
23 Bd Mtg 7 pm—Main St. Pub Gull Rd. All are welcome.
24 25
W. Mich Home
Remodeling
Show: Expo
Center 9a—7p
26
Team Trivia at
Bells Café 5-9 p
27 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
28 29 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
Country Night at Shake-
speares 9 pm
30
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year by Full Circle Community www.fullcirclecommunity.net
May 2015 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1
Academy of Rock
at Wild Bull 7 pm
2
3 Borgess Run
5k, 10k, Half &
Full Marathon
4 Ballroom Danc-
ing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
5 Bicycle Ride
6 p at Alfred E
Bike.
6 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
Country Night at Shake-
speares 9 pm
8 9
10 11 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
12 13 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
14 15 16 Game Night 7 p
Dave Lawrence’s
17
Susan G Komen Race
for the Cure
2-4 pm
18 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
19 20 BOTM
Home Bar 7 pm
Hosts: Rich &
Terry Thompson
21 22 23
24 25 Ballroom
Dancing
7-9:30
Westminster
Church
26 27 Ladies Night at
Old Dog Tavern
1/2 off for Ladies
28 Bd Mtg 7 pm—Main St. Pub Gull Rd. All are welcome.
29 30
31
April/May 2015 - Published 6 times a year by Full Circle
BOTM
Winter Coping Graduation
Game Night
