How Do I Practice Self-Inquiry? Hi, Ted. Ive read quite a few times you mentioning that a person needs to inquire to find the truth. I know that Vedanta is self-inquiry. I just dont think I assimilate well this process, because every time I think of it its like I need to use my mind and its like I have someone narrating inside my head. Its still like that annoying voice that lives with me as long as I can remember. Ted: You seem to have quite a vendetta (not to by confused with Vedanta) regarding your mind. In other words, you seem to have a rather strong dislike for it (or at least whatever kinds of thoughts you feel are plaguing you). I understand this sentiment. It can sometimes seem like the mind is somehow covering or hiding the self. The good news, however, is that the mind is not your enemy. In fact, in terms of enlightenment, which you seem to at last accept as a matter of knowledge/understanding rather than experience, it is your greatest friend and ally. Permanent enlightenment is not some perpetual feel good emotional state nor is it some eternal thought-free state of emptiness, blankness, void, or light. Nor (and this is the big NOR) is it even a state in which only nice, pleasing, kind, affectionate, loving, compassionate, warm and fuzzy thoughts arise. If you expect any of these states to be the way your mind should be or to right or wrong or good or bad, then you are setting yourself up for continual disappointment and continued delusion. All such states of mind or nothing more than experiences, and as you have correctly concluded yourself no experience is going to last. The best we can hope for in terms of experience is that the knowledge we gain from experience (provided we are alert enough during the experience or process it correctly following the experience to gain said knowledge) will stick and transform our understanding to such a degree that even when the particular emotional and/or intellectual qualities of the experience are absent we still remember who we really are, which is never the experience itself, but the awareness in which the experience appeared. Really, your mind is only an enemy to the degree that you identify with the thoughts arising in it. Think about it. Do your thoughts negate you? No, you dont cease to exist when thoughts

-- good or bad -- arise in your mind. If you did, how would you know the thoughts? Do your thoughts hide you? No, beyond the fact that you are not an object that can be hidden and that, given this is a non-dual reality, the thoughts themselves are actually made of you (awareness), the truth is that the thoughts appear within you, for you are the ever-present awareness that witnesses the thoughts, and you cannot be covered or hidden by something that exists within you. It only seems like the thoughts cover you because you think that awareness is some discrete experience that is blocked by the thoughts that are presently appearing within you. But you are forever beyond and unaffected by your thoughts. They can arise and will continue to do so as long as you associating with a body and you can notice them, but you dont have to identify with them. The choice is yours. This is why enlightenment is a matter of knowledge rather than experience. The macrocosmic causal body coupled with the ever-changing nature of this apparent reality will continue to generate an endless parade of thoughts of varying quality, but once you stand in the hard and fast knowledge that you are awareness no thought has the power to disturb or trouble you. You always know that you are free of the thoughts. Candice: It is quite clear to me that I dont need an experience, because I can lose it, so whats the point? I know that I need knowledge, I need to know something. Ted: You simply need to know that you are whole and complete, limitless, action-less, ordinary, unborn, non-dual, self-luminous, self-dependent, self-evident, unchanging, unconcerned, ever-present, all-pervasive awareness. I realize that this string of terms may make awareness sound grandiose and extraordinary and incomprehensible. But take note that included on the list is the characteristic ordinary. This might seem odd at first glance. But it is important to carefully consider the implication of this term, which is that this great and glorious self/consciousness/awareness is nothing more (or less) than the awareness by which you are already experiencing every moment of your life, including those moments, such as deep sleep, when you are seemingly not experiencing anything. Due to the language of hyperbole (exaggeration) that runs rampant through the spiritual world, we have come to expect that the self/consciousness/awareness is some mind-

blowing, transcendent, three-dimensional light show presented in ultra-high-definition-digital-surround-sound. And, moreover, that enlightenment makes this experience permanent. But this is not the case. Amazing as that may be, such an experience would be just that...an experiences. And as you well know, no experience is permanent. When you consider the ordinary awareness by which you know what you know and you know what you dont know, however, you find that it (i.e. you) has never not been. Think about it. Has there ever been a moment when you ceased to exist? No! If you answered yes, then let me ask you this...how would you know you had ceased to exist unless you were there to experience and, thus, directly perceive that you did not exist? The long and short of it is that you (i.e. Awareness) has always existed (though strictly speaking it is beyond the parameters of time and space) and is ever present. No matter what is appearing within it, awareness is always there as that which is aware of the appearance. Moreover, the object or appearance is dependent upon you/awareness for its existence (for something can only be said to exist if it is observed or known), but you are not dependent upon any object. As that which simply observes them, you are ever free of all objects. Which further illustrates how gratuitous or unnecessary is your extreme aversion toward your thoughts. Your thoughts cant touch you. They are nothing more significant than silly YouTube videos flitting across the computer screen of the mind. Candice: I can recall that when I had a clear mind, I was completely impartial of whats was happening. And it was like I was blind. I couldnt neither did I want to know what was coming next. I was perfectly happy in the moment. Ted: This sounds curiously like the karma yoga attitude that James suggested you practice in one of his replies. Ill discuss this more in regards to your question about what you can do when undertaking the self-inquiry process. Candice: Now, this self inquiry process I dont think I am quite sure of what I am supposed to donot that I have to do anything, but I think you know what I mean.

Ted: You are right that you cant do knowledge, Candice. Nevertheless, the process of self-inquiry does involve some doing in the sense that there are some specific steps you need to take in order to imbibe the teachings of Vedanta and ultimately assimilate the knowledge of the self. Before we delve into process of self-inquiry, however, it seems worthwhile to point out a particular theme or idea that colors most of the commentary and questions you expressed in your previous e-mail exchanges with James. Over and over, your words imply that you do not like this character that you take yourself to be. I wonder if Claudia has self-esteem issues. As James plainly stated, however, self-inquiry will not work in a mind that is continuously disturbed by thoughts of self-deprecation and dislike. This dislike is in large part rooted in your association with the negative thoughts that incessantly badger you. This being the case, the first thing you can do is to deeply contemplate the nature of thought as explained above. Realize that truly speaking your thoughts have nothing to do with you and, therefore, cannot touch you. And if that is too much, then at least understand that you were not in control of developing the thought patterns that are currently parading through you. Parents, teachers, preachers, and myriad other creatures that is, society in general --- conditioned you with its ignorance and there was nothing you could do about it. Until now. Now it is time to lay down your self-loathing and accept yourself as you are warts and all, as James says. Admittedly this is easier said than done, but there is a matter worth considering that might serve to help you relax your self-condemnation and negative judgments about your mind. It would be very helpful to read chapters 6 and 7 of James book and then to deeply contemplate how the vasanas compel our actions. Pay special attention to the fact that we did not create these tendencies, which manifest as our desires and fears, likes and dislikes, attractions and aversions. Yes, a person may like chocolate ice cream, but did that person decide to like chocolate ice cream or was that fancy already part of their character. Obviously, though we can do things to reinforce or deny them, our proclivities for objects, actions, and experiences are not chosen by us. Isvara (or God the creator) is responsible for their presence. Truly assimilating this understanding alleviates ones sense of responsibility for and guilt concerning ones habitual behaviors both good and bad.

Initially, you may be reluctant to accept this fact (most people dont want to think of God as being equally responsible for both the bad and the good), but it is true. The things you dont like about yourself were put there, so to speak, by Isvara (for who else could be responsible in a non-dual reality?) and are not inherently bad, but are only as bad as you interpret them to be. The bottom line according to Vedanta is that you are fine just the way you are. Moreover, despite the common belief that one has to have a saintly demeanor in order to be spiritual, you dont need to be a better person in order to get free. Spiritual freedom, liberation, enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it, is not a matter of becoming a better person, but rather of realizing that you (the true you) is not a person at all. It is a matter of knowing with full confidence that you are pure awareness. That said, your initial focus should be on preparing your mind or rendering it peaceful, open, and focused enough to effectively engage the process of self-inquiry. This is where yoga comes in. The most important thing that you should do at present is practice karma yoga. This is the perfect practice to compliment your contemplation of the vasanas, for it calls upon you examine your sense of doership in light of the nature of the field of action and to then act appropriately (and with an altogether different attitude than you are currently) in response to the demands and dictates of the field. In order to do this you need to first understand that you are not the doer in the sense that there are too many factors influencing the outcome of any given action for you to be in control or solely responsible for the results of your actions. This understanding allows you to release any guilt you might feel over having performed actions you judge as bad or wrong that may be contributing to your feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It allows you to see that, though you may have learned valuable lessons from and choose not to repeat certain actions, you did your best at the time given the limits of your knowledge and the dictates of your vasanas, which to reiterate are actually Isvaras vasanas. You can, thus, let go of the past and embrace the present, coloring it with a peaceful mind undisturbed by regret. Truly speaking, as you seem to already understand, no action has any bearing on who you really are anyway as this dualistic, apparent reality is ultimately nothing more than a dream appearing within consciousness/awareness/you. Knowing this allows you

to offer whatever actions you feel are appropriate (including those you might judge as wrong or bad, but feel powerless to resist expressing) in any given situation to Isvara, and then...and this is a huge AND THEN...accept whatever results ensue with an attitude of gratitude, seeing them as Isvaras prasad, which means that you see them as a gift from God. This attitude of gratitude is the key with which the practice of karma yoga unlocks the door to a peaceful mind that is ready to embrace freedom. It is based on understanding that Isvara is taking care of the whole and is orchestrating the absorption of the actions offered to It and delivering the results that are appropriate in order to maintain the harmony and well-being of the whole. Though certain specific results may be interpreted as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative from a particular individuals or groups point of view, such judgments are only so in terms of that individuals or groups vasanas and consequent values to which they give rise. In this way, you realize that you really cannot do anything wrong from Isvaras perspective because Isvara (or the field of existence if you want to think of it impersonally) absorbs and integrates whatever actions are offered to It in such a way as will protect and serve the best interests of whole. As mentioned, the practice of karma yoga is the foundation for all further inquiry. But this does not mean that you cannot expose yourself to the teachings until you have fully cultivated the karma yoga attitude. Yoga and self-inquiry like two hands working together to wash away the film of ignorance that cakes the mind. This being the case, what follows is a general overview of the process of self-inquiry and some practical suggestions for engaging in it. There are basically three steps to self-inquiry: hearing or listening (shravanam), reflection (mananam), and meditation or contemplation (nididhyasanam).

Since Vedanta is a means of knowledge that employs words to reveal the truth, hearing the teachings is the first essential step in the process. This hearing is better referred to as listening because one needs to take in the teachings with an open mind, one that has at least for the time being set aside its accrued beliefs and convictions about worldly life, the spiritual path, and enlightenment. If ones listening is continually impinged upon by

previously developed notions about the matter at hand it will not be able to follow the logical methodology through which ones ignorance is removed.

It is only after first hearing the teachings and gaining a clear comprehension of their progression that one can then measure ones previously held beliefs and convictions in light of them. This is the stage during which one seeks to resolve all lingering doubts concerning the nature of reality and the self. The time one spends in this stage depends entirely on how many doubts need resolution. It is important during this stage that the student be completely honest with himself or herself rather than trying to appear more spiritually advanced or knowledgeable or enlightened than he or she is. It is also important that one have complete faith in the teacher and the teachings themselves. If the student is not getting it, then he or she must take a fierce moral inventory and assess what qualifications he or she might be lacking that is impeding his or her understanding. I wont go into the qualifications here, but the entire fourth chapter of James book is devoted to a thorough explanation of them and is definitely worth rereading several times.

The third step in the self-inquiry process is meditation or contemplation. Meditation here does not necessarily refer to sitting quietly with your eyes closed and silently chanting a mantra or visualizing a deity or simply enjoying the silence. Though formal sitting meditation is a valuable practice for calming the mind and delving deeply into the nature of the one meditating, here meditation is a matter of practicing the knowledge that you have intellectually accepted as a result of the first two steps. Understanding and accepting the logic of the teachings is one thing, implementing the teachings throughout ones daily activities is another. One must continuously practice the knowledge; one must use the knowledge as a lens through which to see ones every thought and action, applying it over and over, again and again until the knowledge is fully assimilated and ones conviction regarding it unshakeable. It is in this stage that one makes the final subtle transition in understanding from knowing awareness to being awareness. Your e-mails appear to indicate that you are in what James often refers to as the firefly stage of the process. This means that the knowledge that you are limitless, non-dual awareness flickers on and off and has not yet

become hard and fast, meaning that you are not yet standing with unshakeable, rock-solid confidence in your true identity as the self, consciousness, the Light. You have heard the teachings and are now in the process of simultaneously rooting out your doubts and becoming more and more convicted about your true identity as awareness. You are right on track. In order to continue your progress, I highly recommend that you do the following:

1. Take James advice and purchase either the hard drive that contains his talks on everything the aspirant needs to know for a full comprehension of Vedanta, or if that is too pricey at the moment at least purchase the stick with the Toronto talks on it. Though his book is great, I can attest to the fact that there is nothing better than hearing the teachings straight from the teachers mouth.

2. Read and reread James book over and over, carefully signing on to the logic of each chapter IN THE ORDER THE CHAPTERS ARE PRESENTED. It is vitally important that you imbibe the teachings step by step, and they build upon one another. There is no way to truly understand what comes after until you have understood what came before.

3. Diligently follow the teaching of applying the opposite thought

as much as possible to every thought if possible throughout your day. This practice will be especially helpful to you because it will reprogram your mind with the truth and establish new thought patterns that will replace the old ones that have been pestering you. This is the only legitimate way to change your mind. And this is where the doing comes in, for youve got to be vigilant and diligent in applying the knowledge. Since your mind is such a pesky devil, call the demon on its shit. Whenever it makes even the slightest suggestion that you are in some way small, inadequate, or incomplete, stop and correct it. Dont allow it to get away with its self-sabotaging behavior even a moment longer. And if you

are not yet fully convinced that you are whole and complete, limitless, action-less, non-dual, ever-present, all-pervasive, perfect awareness, then as James says fake it til you make it. Over time, this practice will purify you mind and set you free. Have faith in the process. Vedanta has withstood the test of time because it is a proven means of knowledge and method of liberation. Besides, you know deep down that you are the Light, so stand up and stand in that knowledge with conviction. Once this becomes your habit, the mind will cease to hold any power over you and it wont matter what thoughts arise in it for you will know without a doubt that no object can touch you, no thing can enhance, diminish, or change you in any way whatsoever. You are That which transcends all. Claim the prize you already possess!

Candice: When you have some spare time, and if you want to, I would be happy to hear from you. Love, Candice