Gull Lake Guide 2014

- Camping - Golfing - Fishing - Events - Boating - Eating Out - Attractions - Supplies - Shopping & More

- Camping - Golfing - Fishing - Events - Boating - Eating Out - Attractions - Supplies - Shopping & More

Summer 2014FREE

Gull Lake GuideGull Lake Guide

37467 Hwy# 2 (Gasoline Alley), RED DEER (403) 347-5546 1-800-300-8551

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Cover photo by Stephen Zablotski

Gull Lake Guide 2014 •

LACOMBE (403) 782-1660 Fax: (403) 782-1620 [email protected]

Before After

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NEW!Portable Storage

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Visit Us Online for the Sharpest Prices and CleanestInventory in North America!

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Large Treed LotsPrivate BeachPrivate MarinaPaved Roads

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YOUR FRIENDS AND REAL ESTATE CONSULTANTS FOR LIFE!!

305-3715 47TH Ave, Sylvan Lake, AB T4S0C8

403-887-1237

When it comes to buying a lakefront home or selling recreational property, no one knows the Gull Lake and Central Alberta Real Estate market as well

as the Kevin Lapp Team!!

Sandy Point Meridian Beach

Westlake Estates Raymond Shores

Gull Lake Guide. . . is published once per year (22,000) and

distributed from May to September bycampground operators on Gull Lake and atVisitor Centres in Central Alberta. Over 800

copies are also hand-delivered to cottagers onthe lake. Please call or write if you have sug-gestions for future content or to advertise.

Box 585, Rimbey Alberta T0C 2J0 Phone/Fax: 1-866-824-8287Email: [email protected]

Published by:

www.saleypublications.com

Service Directory ......................................... 8-9Recreation and Events................................. 10-19Map of Gull Lake......................................... 12Campground Chart...................................... 14Restaurants and Fast Foods........................ 22-23Groceries........................................................ 24-25Gifts and More.............................................. 26-28Computer & Electronics.............................. 29Clothing & Jewellery.................................... 30-31Lacombe County Tourism Map.................. 32-33Golfing Around Gull Lake.......................... 34-37RV Supplies & Services............................... 39Sporting Goods............................................. 40Accommodation............................................ 41Liquor............................................................ 43Crossword ..................................................... 44Greenhouse ................................................... 45Fishing in the Gull Lake Area..................... 46Homeopathic Remedies................................ 47Church Directory.......................................... 48Veterinarian.................................................. 49Sunset Legion Campground ....................... 50-51Wilson’s Beach Campground...................... 52-53

What’s Inside


Salon & Spa................................................... 54Aspen Beach.................................................. 55-59Word Search.................................................. 60Automotive.................................................... 61Farmers’ Markets ........................................ 62

Ready-Mix Concrete • AggregatesLandscape Materials • Excavating

Site PreparationEnvironmental Reclamation

Waste Management • Bin RentalLowbeds • Hiboys • Walking Floors

PHONE:(403) 843-2664

FAX:(403) 843-6505

RimbeyTransitMix

Concrete Order Desk(403) 843-4899

Box 28, RIMBEY, AB T0C 2J0

FOODSTORE

FISHINGLICENSE

HOMECENTRE

GAS BARBULK FUEL•CARDLOCKDELI

(403) 843-2258 OOOOPPPPEEEENNNN 7777 DDDDAAAAYYYYSSSS AAAA WWWWEEEEEEEEKKKK

Rimbey

You’re at home here! RIMBEY CO-OP

BYTOPIC

ACCOMMODATIONBest Western 35Camrose Resort Casino 9Elizabeth View B&B 41Sonja’s B&B 41

ANTIQUESsee Gifts/AntiquesAUCTION SERVICES

Allen Olson Auction 33AUTOMOTIVE

Uncle Ben’s RV & Auto 1Weidners Motors 61

BAKERYTotally Gluten Free 25BOAT SALES & SERVICEBoatmart 13Uncle Ben’s RV & Auto 1BUILDER SUPPLIESRimbey CO-OP 7Nikirk Bros. 7see also “Hardware”CAMPGROUNDS& RESORTS

see Chart on Page 14CASINO

Camrose Resort Casino 9

CHAMBER OFCOMMERCE

Rimbey Chamber 29CLOTHING

Mandy’s 31COMPUTER/

ELECTRONICSRimbey TV 29

CRAFTSCraft ‘N Chat 26

FURNISHINGSPast Connections Emp. 27Sisters Roadside Tr. 26GIFTS/ANTIQUES

And Everything Nice 8Antique Mall 28Backstreet Gifts/Antiques 27Craft ‘N Chat 26Culinary & Gift Shop 28Moniek’s 30Past Connections Emp. 27Sisters Roadside Tr. 26Simply Country 27GOLF COURSES

Gull Lake Golf Course 37Lacombe Golf & Country 35Raven Meadows 36The Nursery Golf 35Top O' the Hill Golf 36

GOVERNMENTBlaine Calkins 32

GRAFITTI REMOVALWrite Off 39

GREENHOUSEHolly’s Greenhouse 45

GROCERIESBentley Farmer’s Market 62Bentley Select Foods 2M&M Meats (Lacombe) 24Parkland Beach Store 25Rimbey Co-op 7Rimbey Farmer’s Market 62Lacombe Farmer’s Mkt 62Sylvan LakeFarmer’s Mkt 62Totally Gluten Free 25

HAIRSTYLINGHead Hunters Salon 54

HARDWARENowco Home Hardware60Rimbey Coop 7HOME & GARDEN

Nowco Home Hardware60Past Connections Emp. 27Sisters Roadside Tr. 26

HOMEOPATHYBody Connections 47

ICE CREAMParkland Beach Store 25

JEWELLERYAnd Everything Nice 8Moniek’s 30

KITCHENWARECulinary & Gift Shop 28

LIQUORBlue Light Liquor 43Parkland Beach Store 25Rimbey Liquor Store 34Sidestreet Liquor Store 43

LOUNGEJames Grill and Bar 22MILITARY SUPP.

The King’s Coat 40PUBLICATIONS

Bentley History Books 44Saley Publications 45RADIO STATION

Sunny 94 38Kraze 101.3 FM 38

REALTORKevin Lapp Team 6

RECREATIONBentley Fair 17Bentley Museum 17Camrose Resort Casino 9Central AB Raceways 37Ellis Bird Farm 11Lacombe Corn Maze 63Lacombe Days 18Lakedell Fair 16Lakeside Go-Karts 11PasKaPoo Park 10

Service DirectoryService DirectoryHere are the businesses

that make this guide possible.Please support them and be sure to say:

“We saw your ad. . . in theGull Lake Guide!”

Gull Lake Guide 2014 -

BE SEENin this Service Directory.Call now to advertisein our next edition.

[email protected]

Antiques • Collectables • Jewellery • Consignment Discontinued China Patterns • Chinook Soy Candles

Gourmet LeChocolatier Chocolate • LinensHandmade O'Canada Soapworks Products

5403 - 50 Ave. LACOMBETUES-SAT

10am - 5:30pmNEW LOCATIONon Main Street

(403) [email protected]

www.andeverythingniceantiques.ca

RESORT PROPERTYDeere Park 9DeGraff’s 4Meridian Beach 20-21Raymond Shores 3Sandy Point Resort 5Westlake Estates 15

RESTAURANTSJames Grill & Bar 22Piccolo Pizza & Pasta 23Sherry’s Restaurant 23The Wooden Shoe 22RV CUSTOM WORK

Gord Schmidt RV 2Techno Solve Inc. 39RV SALES/SERVICEGull Lake Storage 2Lacombe RV - Back CoverParadise RV 13Sylvan Lake RV 2Trailblazer RV 63Uncle Ben’s RV & Auto 1SEPTIC SUPPLY

LB Septic 44SilverStar Septic 33

SEW & QUILTCraft ‘N Chat 26SPA & ESTHETICS

Head Hunters 54SPORTS SUPPLY

Nowco Home Hardware60The Sportsmen’s Den 40The King’s Coat 40

STORAGEGull Lake Storage 2

TANNINGHead Hunters 54

TOWINGPopow and Sons 9

VETERINARYSylvan Lake Vet 49VITAMINS & HERBS

Body Connections 47


POPOW & SONS24 Hr. Emergency Road Service~ We Service All Auto Clubs ~

(403) 782-3771

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1-877-518-7275 Lots from$140,000

camroseresortcasino.com

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LacombeDays ParadeBy Lorraine Lew

CONTACT US TO INSERTCONTACT US TO INSERTYOUR EVENTS! (SEE PAGE 7)YOUR EVENTS! (SEE PAGE 7)

AT BENALTOAT BENALTOJuly 4-6 Annual Benalto Fair &Pro Rodeo - at Fairgrounds- Pro Rodeo, Junior Rodeo, WildPony Races, Bench Fair, BeerGarden, Food & Trade show andmore! (587) 877-1010

AT BENTLEYAT BENTLEYAug. 7-10 Annual Fair & AgRodeo (see page 17)

AT ECKVILLEAT ECKVILLEJune 6-7 Eckville RodeoEckville Arena, 403-746-5512

AT SYLVAN LAKEAT SYLVAN LAKEFor more info. call

(403) 887-5050www.sylvanlake.ca

May 25, 3 Events - Best BodyFitness Sprint Triathlon,Volkswagon Show & Shine,Walk for Dog GuidesJune 13-15 1913 Days,Celebrating 100 Years of SylvanLake -Tons of activities aroundtown Friday to Sunday, celebra-tion of the Town of Sylvan Lake'sbirthday. On Saturday: Pancakebreakfast, 7-11am at firehall,StreetFest 11 am, parade at 1 pm,drive-in movie at 11 pm at Can.Tire parking lot.

July 1Canada Day Celebrations - kidsactivites on the pier 10-4, fire-works, watch from the beach, atdusk.Aug. 14-17Jazz at the Lake Festival,Kickoff Swing Dance, outdoorconcerts, workshops, various ven-ues, www.jazzatthelake.com

AT RIMBEYAT RIMBEYInfo. (403) 843-2113

May 27 Movie Night inRimbey, Rimbey CommunityCentre, 6:30 pm, 3rd Tuesday ofeach month, $5/person (includesentry, pop and popcorn)

July 1 - Canada DayCelebration, At Pas-Ka-Poo Park:pancake breakfast, face painting,donkey rides and more! 403-843-2004July 6 Rimbey Show ‘n Shine,Pas-Ka-Poo Park, 9 am - 4 pm,trophies, pancake breakfast, con-cession, more!July 11-13 - Rimbey C.A.R.A.Rodeo. Rimbey Ag Grounds,Rodeo Friday 6 pm / Sat. Parade11 am / Rodeo Sat. 1 pm / CabaretSat. 9 pm / Rodeo Sun 1 pm.July 18/19Pro-Am/Skins Event, Gull LakeGolf Course, 403-843-3322

Events Around Gull Lake See Also• Central AB Raceways... Pg37• Lacombe Corn Maze...Pg63


RimbeyCARA Rodeo

July 11 -13, 2014

Pancake Breakfast, Entertainment, Donkey Rides and more

Join Us at

RimbeyCanada Day July 1

Every Saturday 9:30 - 11:30am July 6th Trophies, pancake breakfast, concession

Parking &

Tour the PasKaPoo Historic VillageINFO: (403) 843-2004

Farmer’s Market

Show ‘n Shine Military Museum

Truck Museum (World’s Largest Collection of Interntional Trucks)

Oldtimer's Pancake Breakfast June 22nd

Year round on the groundsRV Storage

www.paskapoopark.com May through September

NewExhibits

August 16 - Rimbey &District Horticultural Show,Seniors Drop-in Centre

CENTRAL ALBERTA RACEWAYS

RIMBEY (855) 746-2397www.caraceways.ca

Adults $10/ 9-12 $5 / Under 8 FREE/ Pit Pass & Dragstrip Events - $20 Gates open one hour before race.

EVENT SCHEDULE 2014Sat./Sun. May 3 & 4

Mud Bogs - Truck, ATV & SledSat @ 1 pm / Sun @ 12 noon

SAT. May 17Oval Race

Sportsman Sprint, NorthernThunder, Hobby & Mini Stock

Racing @ 6:00pm

SAT. May 31Oval Race - NPP, IMCAHobby & Mini StockRacing @ 6:00pmSAT. June 14

Oval Race - Sportsman Sprint,NPP,NAMS, Hobby & Mini Stock

Racing @ 6:00pmSat./Sun. June 21 & 22

Mud BogsTruck, ATV & Sled

Sat @ 1 pm /Sun @ 12 noonSAT. June 28

Oval Race, Sportsman Sprint,Northern Thunder, Hobby Stock

Racing @ 6:00pmSat./Sun. July 12 & 13Drag Shoot Out

Sat @ 11 pm /Sun@ noon

5324 Lakeshore DriveSylvan Lake

West of the Marina (403) 887-3190

www.lakesidegokarts.ca

LakesideGo-Karts & Mini Golf� Kids’ Cars� Adult Cars� Concession� Bumper Cars� Mini Golf� Birthday Parties� Corporate & Group

Rates

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • EVENTS

Email yourphotos to us.Share your favorite

activities and sights inthe Gull Lake area! We pay $15 per photo.$30 for cover photo.

[email protected]

EVENTS . . . continued on Pg16

8 km E. & 8 km S. of Lacombe (403) 885-4477

www.ellisbirdfarm.ca

OPENMay 19 - Sept.1

TUES - SUNHoliday Mondays

11 am - 5 pm

• Stroll our trails• Enjoy our gardens

• Linger in the Tea House

See AlsoEVENTS SECTION

Central Alberta Raceways (Rimbey) - APN Photo


•

campers only

MeridianBeach

Twp Rd 420

Twp Rd 422

Raymond Shores RV Resort

DeerePark

Rang

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ad 10

5th Meridian Rd

DeGraff’sRV Resort

RV HeavenParkland Beach Store

Sandy Point Resort

Water levels have beenholding steady in recent

years, however usecaution when boating.

Westlake Estates

LakeviewCampground

Brewer’sCampground

Ebeling DayUse Area

Aspen Beach Provincial Park

Wilson’s BeachEstates

Wilson’s BeachCampground

New Saratoga (residential)McLauren Beach (residential)Gull Lake Centre (Baptist Camp)

shallowwater

See Campground Chart on Page 14


1800-49 AveAcross from theWesterner

205 Petrolia Dr.Beside Red Deer RV

New & Pre-Owned RV Store

#1 GasolineAlley East

Sales • Parts • Service • On-Site Financing Available

““““EEEEnnnnjjjjooooyyyy tttthhhh eeee FFFFrrrreeeeeeee ddddoooommmm ””””

(403) 340-1132 RED DEER 1-877-506-1132

www.paradiserv.ca

Welcome to . . .

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Evinrude • Mercury • Mercruiser • Volvo Penta • Shoreland’r • Parts, Service & Accessories

8027 - 50th (Gaetz) Ave.(403) 342-7015 • www.boatmart.net

Pull Over CookiesReturning from a trip to visit

my grandmother in Canada, I wasstopped by a state trooperin New York for exceed-ing the speed limit.

Grateful to havereceived a warninginstead of a ticket, Igave him a small bag ofmy grandmother's deli-cious chocolate-chip cookies and

proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was

stopped by another trooper."What have I done?" I asked.

"Nothing," the troopersaid, smiling. "I justheard you were passingout great chocolate-chipcookies."

Getting OlderAmy and Jane are old friends.

They have both been married to

their husbands for a long time.

One day Amy wasupset because she thought her hus-band didn't find her attractive any-more.

"As I get older he doesn't both-er to look at me!" Amy cried.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I getolder my husband says I get morebeautiful every day." replied Jane.

"Yes," answered Amy, "butyour husband's an antique dealer!"

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • C

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Campgrounds / RV Resorts / Cottage Communities

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Acreage Lots Starting

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Sat./Sun. July 26 & 27Oval Race, NAMS (26th)Sportsman Sprint (27th)

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Sat @ 6 pm /Sun @ 2 pmSAT. Aug 9

Oval Race - IMCAHobby & Mini StockRacing @ 6:00pm

Sat./Sun. Aug. 16 & 17Drag Race

Sat @ 11 pm/Sun @ noonSAT. Aug. 23

Oval Race - Hobby &Mini Stock,Racing @ 6pmSat./Sun. Sept. 6 & 7

Drag RaceSat @ 11 pm/Sun @ noonSat./Sun. Sept. 20 & 21

Oval RaceSportsman Sprint, NPPHobby & Mini Stock

Sat @ 6 pm/Sun @2 pm

Sat./Sun. Sept. 27 & 28Mud Bogs

Truck, ATV & SledSat @ 1 pm/Sun @ noon

AT LACOMBEAT LACOMBEwww.lacombeevents.ca or call 403-755-6935

May 23-25 Gala Show& Sale, Gallery onMain, 403.782.3402June 1 Lacombe Flyin Breakfast, LacombeFlying Club Lacombe Airport,403.782.3785 June 6Kinsmen MS CharityGolf Classic, LacombeGolf and Country ClubJune 13-15 BlackfaldsDays Town ofBlackfalds, VariousLocations AroundBlackfalds 403-885-4677June 14 LacombeAntique Tractor Show(403) 783-5322July 17-20 LacombeDays, Various Locationsin Lacombe, lacombe-days.ca. See page 18.

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • EVENTS . . . continued from Pg11

A Glorious Day at the BeachBy Lorraine Lew

AAddvvaannccee ttiicckkeettss aavvaaiillaabbllee aatt::BBaacckkssttrreeeett AAnnttiiqquueess && LLaakkeeddeellll AAgg SSoocciieettyy

DEADLINE for Advanced Tickets Aug. 28 • INFO: (780) 586-2505www.lakedell.org

On Hwy#13, approx. 1.6 km west of The Village at PigeonLake, then 1 km south on Lakedell Centre Road

BIGGER & BETTER . . . 38th Anniversary!Alberta’s Largest One-Day Fair

Aug. 30, 2014• Community Parade - 10 am• Mutton Bustin’ • Lions Pancake Breakfast 7am - 11am

• Youth Horse Show• Bench Show • Log Sawing • Ladies Spike Pounding • Beer Gardens

Lakedell 38th Annual

CountryFair

July 26 LacombeCorn Maze Openingday Kraay Family FarmSee page 63.August Aug. 1-3 Tees Rodeo,587-679-2356Aug. 16-17 AnnualTees Longears Days,Mule and Donkeyshow, Tees RodeoGrounds Sept. 25-28 LacombeCulture & HarvestFestivalLacombe HistoricalSociety, heartoflacombe.ca

AT ELLIS BIRDAT ELLIS BIRDFARMFARMFor more event details,check our website: www.ellisbird farm.ca

403-885-4477May 19 - Opening Day,11am-5pm+ Nature in Jamaica, 7-9pmJune 7-8Springtime CountryDrive, June 7 @ 11amto June 8 @ 5pm,Garden tours, bird boxchecking, an earlymorning bird walk inthe west woods and TeaHouse Specials.July 1 Bioblitz!all-day, build nestboxes

and participate in naturewalks and birding tours.July 12 BluebirdFestival, 11 am – 3pm. Musical entertain-ment by JazzExplosion, crafts, nest-box building, tours andmore! Lunch will beavailable.Jul 12-13 July 12 @11 am to Jul 13 @ 3pm. SummertimeCountry DriveJuly 21 - Art & NatureDay CampJuly 22MacrophotographyWorkshop, 9 am –4 pmJuly 27 BirdPhotographyWorkshop11 am – 3 pmAug. 2 Flora andFauna Artist TradingCards, 10 am – 3 pmAug. 5 BeginnerPhotography9 am – 4 pmAug. 6 - Knee HighNaturalists (ages 3-7),11 am - noon. Naturebased hands-on activi-ties for young childrenAug. 7 Youth PlantTalk Theatre, 12:00pm – 4:00 pm Ages: 8-12, Magical afternoondiscovering the secret


4929 51 Ave. BENTLEYOpen: Victoria Day to Labor DayWED - SUN 9 am - 5 pm(anytime by appointment)

• housed in a 1924 farmhouse “The Pico House”• photographs • histories of area schools • relive more history on a historical

downtown walking tour.

Bentley MuseumLook for our prominent landmark, “The Windmill"

[email protected] (403) 748 2455 or (403) 748 2744

"When one door closes and another oneopens, you should

really get thatcabinet fixed."

"When I see lovers' namescarved in a tree, I don't thinkit's cute - I just find it strangehow many people haveknives on a date."

INFO: Jennifer: (403) 748-4134

THURS. EVE CONCERT BY...HOJA &

ONE WAY TRAFFIC

Now on the WEB: www.bentleyagsociety.com

‘Salute to the Bentley FIRE Department ’

BENTLEY & DISTRICT AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY

ANNUAL FAIR& AG RODEO• Bench Show• Pancake

Breakfasts• Parade• Youth Events• Senior’s

Events• Rodeo Events• Show & Shine• Jousting

• Drive-in Movieprojected on grain elevator

• Fireworks• ChurchServices

• HorseshoeTournament

• Rodeo Danceand lots more!

Aug. 7,8,9,10

EVENTS . . . continued on Pg19

Johnny In The GardenLittle Johnny sat playing in the garden.

When his mother came out to collect him,she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horri-

ble! You can't eat worms!"Trying to convince him further she noted, "The

mother worm is looking all over for her nice babyworm.""No, she isn't," said Johnny."How do you know she's not?" said the mother."Because I ate her first!" he answered.


lacombedays.ca

lacombedays.ca

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • EVENTSlife of plants, making a mask andgiving the plant world a voice tocommunicate with humans. .August 9 – Bug Jamboree, 1-3pm. Explore all about the insectsaround us.Aug. 11 Day CampAug. 16 Medicinal Plant Walk,10:30 am – 12:30 pm. Tour themany gardens and wild places atEBF with herbalist AbrahArneson and learn about themedicinal plant growing there.Aug. 19 MacrophotographyWorkshop, 9 am –4 pmAug. 20 - Knee High Naturalists(ages 3-7), 11 am - noon. Naturebased hands-on activities foryoung childrenm for an icecream at the Tea House or a pic-nic lunch!Aug. 23-24 Alberta OpenFarm DaysSeptember 1 Closing Day,11am-5pm

* * *“I just did a week’s worth ofcardio after walking into a

spider’s web.”

Lacombe Days Show & ShineBy Lorraine Lew

BRING IN THIS AD TO RECEIVE 2 FOR 1 ADMISSION!


Meridian BeachIf you are looking for a place for your Cottage

Hearth you should consider Meridian Beach.It is a cottage only development (no RVs) with

Architectural Guidelines designed for a “ClassicCottage Country” look. Meridian Beach is located onthe northeast side of Gull Lake and the roads to it arepaved.

The lots are large and fully serviced for yearround use. The development is picturesque, partlybecause of the deep winding canal system that bringsthe lake into the heart of the cottages. There areprotected boat slips in the canal, usually included inyour lot purchase.

To add to the natural beauty there are 2 pavilions,a community hall, three picturesque bridges, twosand beaches and miles of walking trailsand viewpoints.

The development is built to a high environmentalstandard with extensive natural areas, excellent waterthrough a municipal style system with an offsitetertiary sewage treatment plant. No problems withindividual wells or septic tanks.

We are on our fifth phase with 150 lotssubdivided and 138 sold. The building commitment is4 years, you can choose your builder but we alsohave an arrangement with Abbey Master Builder. 80+ completed cottages enhance the natural beauty.

Lot prices range from $120,000 to $225,000. Thesixth phase goes ahead in 2014 with lots that will beon both the canal and the lake. There is a sales officeon site. Buy direct from the developer, call Nora at:

403-988-6906 meridianbeach.caCome out for a look. You’ll be glad you did!

138 Lots Sold

The Grumpy Old ManAn old man and woman were

married for many years.Wheneverthere was a confrontation, yellingcould be heard deep into thenight. The old man would shout,"When I die, I will dig my way upand out of the grave and comeback and haunt you for the rest ofyour life!"

Even the neighbors fearedhim, and the old man liked thefact that he was feared.

He died of a heart attackwhen he was 98. His wife had aclosed casket at the funeral.

After the burial, her neigh-bors, concerned for her safety,asked, "Aren't you afraid that hemay indeed be able to dig his wayout of the grave and haunt you forthe rest of your life?"

The wife said, "Let him dig. I

had him buried upside down. AndI know he won't ask for direc-tions."

The New GolferA retiree was given a set of

golf clubs by his co-workers.Thinking he'd try the game,

he asked the local pro for lessons,explaining that he knew nothingwhatever of the game.

The proshowed him thestance and swing,then said, "Just hitthe ball toward theflag on the firstgreen."

The noviceteed up andsmacked the ballstraight down thefairway and onto

the green, where it stopped inchesfrom the hole.

"Now what ?" the fellowasked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hitthe ball into the cup." the profinally said, after he was able tospeak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tellme," said the beginner.

The Hair CurlersMy wife still uses curlers in herhair after she washes it.

The other night she came intothe Family Room as I waswatching TV.I guess I stared at herfunny because she said, "Ijust set my hair."The last thing I remember

saying was, "Oh,really? And whattime does it gooff?"

Have You Heard About?Have You Heard About?

Now selling lots in phase 5.

www.meridianbeach.caMeridian Beach is located on beautiful Gull Lake in central Alberta’s Parkland region. Located only 2 hours from Calgary and Edmonton. There are broad, curving, spring-fed canals that bring the water between the cottages and create safe mooring for your boat. You choose your own plan and builder to create your classic cottage masterpiece. There is a community clubhouse and many miles of picturesque walks along the canals, lake and through the forest. Build your family’s memories around sun, sand, swimming, waterskiing and a variety of winter sports.

Lots starting at $120,000 including dock space and services.

Classic Cottage Country Gull Lake Alberta403.988.6906

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SUMMER HOURS6 am - 11 pm(Kitchen Open until 9 pm)OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

LOCATED ON HWY#12 BY GULL LAKE6 km East of Bentley

or 12 km West of Lacombe.Ph/Fax: (403) 748-2000

W

Restaurants & Fast Food

By Will Ackerman

Ahcampers. Those thingsthat people either pull,haul or sometimes push

around and which are usually plas-tered with all manner of silly stick-ers, such as:

The Ackermen, Have Home Will Roam, or

You Unravel, We’ll Just Travel, orWhat the Taxman Can’t Find,

He Can’t Fine, orAnother Day Older, We Ain’t

Gettin’ No Colder.The ad in “The Daily Blurb”

claimed that the camper, a 1978WhereWeAt, was only about twodecades old and that, even thoughit was a classic and would surelyshatter the owner's heart to do so,he would sacrifice the little devilfor a mere 927 bucks! I scoffed.The poor guy had no idea what hewould face when haggling with anAckerman.

When I drove out to theowner’s place I recognized himright off by the way he was jump-ing up and down in the drivewayand flapping his arms. Friendlysort. I got the impression that if Ihad driven on past he would havegalloped down the road and carriedme back, truck and all.

“How old did you say it is?” Iinquired, as we strolled to wherethe camper was all but buried bysumac bushes.

“Ain't so old,” he replied, “and

I ain't used it forthree years so it'seven three yearsyoungerthan that.”

I almost felt sorryfor him. We hadn'teven started hag-gling, and I had already talked himout of three years.

From the outside the camperdidn't look too bad.

There were a few rutlikedents in the rear of theroof that he explainedwere for overhanginglimbs. “If you back uptoo far the limbs just

sorta fit right inthem dents.”

There were also a couple littleround holes that looked suspicious-ly like bullet holes but which heassured me were factory ventilationdevices that I would not have topay extra for.

I spun on him. “Does it leak?”I wanted to know.

“Pshaw!” he pshawed. “Not inanything lighter than a dew storm,and then you won't notice it none‘less you're sleepin' in one of thebeds. Great way to wake up. Layright there and wash your face.Gives you a head start on the day.”

I thought I had him for a

minute, but this guy was good.He opened the door and the

screen flopped off and rapped meon the knee.

“Removable,” he said settingthe screen aside. “Real handy forcleanin'. They just don't think ofconveniences like that no more.” Ithought he was going to wipe awaya tear.

We stepped inside and the firstthing he told me was to watch outfor a spot on the floor near the littletable. “Got a hole underneath therug,” he said.

I pounced. “A hole!”“‘Scape exit,” he explained.

“Rotted it out maself. You have afire in here and can't get to the backdoor, you got a 'scape exit rightthere. I sure wouldn't wanna haveone of these things without a 'scapeexit.”

The guy was sharp. I neverwould have thought of somethinglike that.

“This up here,” he explained,taking hold of what looked like abig drawer, “is your over-the-cabbed.” He pulled it out. “Sleepstwo real comfy.”

I cast a dubious eye at what

HumourHumour

The Camper CaperThe Camper CaperGull Lake Guide 2014 •

fully engaged appeared to be aboutthe size of the shelf holding myeighth grade honorable mentionsack race trophy but not nearly sosturdy.

We moved on. “This here,” heran his hand along the salad bowl-sized sink, “is the sink.”

“Uh, yeah. How's it work?”“With water,” he said and then

must have suspected that I had fig-ured out that much. “You got yourten gallon tank down there, andyou got your outside hook-upthingy for when you go to a camp-ground what's got water hook-upthingies. Hook-up runs off thishere handle gizmo, and the tankhas a little 'lectric pump.”

“Oh, say, that is handy. Does itall work?”

“You betcha! All you gotta dois get you a replacement tank and anew hook-up doo-dad. Oh, andmaybe one of them little 'lectricpumps, and you're all set to fly.”

That at least was a relief.“How about the stove?” I asked.

He lovingly caressed the twoburner stove. “Easiest thing in theworld,” he assured me. “Usespropane gas. Turn these little stovehickies here, strike a match andPoosh! you got fire.”

I touched a sizable scorch markon the wall and stove hood.

“Let that be a lesson to you,” hesaid with a sage wag of his head.“Never underestimate the power ofpropane.” We turned to the refriger-ator.

“How's it work?” I asked whenhe opened the door, and I peeredin.

“That's the beauty of it,” hereplied. “It don't.”

“Aha!” I definitely had himthis time.

“Ain't but an icebox,” he said.“You put the ice up here and itkeeps everything cold as youplease.”

“But isn't that rather a lot ofaggravation?” I asked naively.

He gave me one of those pity-ing looks that doctors reserve for

patients they consider terminallystupid. “Ain't nothing can break inan ice box,” he said. “How handyare you fixin' things what break?”

He had me again.

I asked him if my half tontruck could handle the

weight, and he assured methat his one ton truck had

no trouble whatever.

I wanted to know if the doorlocked, and he claimed to haveonce been locked inside for threeweeks …

Naturally the first question mywife blurted when she saw thecamper hunkered in our side yardwere: “What is that thing, howmuch did you pay for it, and areyou crazy?”

I explained to her that it was avintage WhereWeAt truck camperand then went on to show her allthe extras that came free for a mere$927. Such as the fact that half therunning lights didn't work, therebysaving electricity... how none of thewindow cranks worked so therewas no danger of accidentallybumping them open on coldnights...how the closet had a holeeaten through the floor to circulateair and how . . .


PiccoloPizza & Pasta

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Family Restaurant Dine in Take out**Home made Burgers & Steaks**403-748-2227

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Sun-Mon 4pm-9pm Tues-Thurs 10:30am-9pm Fri-Sat 10:30am-10pm

Restaurants & Fast Food

SEE ALSO• Parkland Beach Store...Pg25• Best Western...Pg35• Camrose Resort Casino...Pg9

Restaurant

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4816 Hwy 2A - LACOMBE(403) 782-3308

Sherry’Sherry’ss

Easton

Hwy 125 minutes

from the lake

Photo by Vivian Busat

By Sharon McGregor

Elaine Armstrong looked at her results andsmiled. The tent was up, her tables wereready and covered. She only needed to setout her jars of jams and jellies to be ready

for her first Farmer's Market. She was glad she'd lether friend Paula talk her into this.

"You have to get out more," said Paula. "You'vebeen brooding long enough." Blunt and to the point.Paula was right. She was now able to remember herlate husband Dan with a smile rather than tears. Atleast Paula had given up trying to introduce her toavailable men her age. This suggestion showedprogress on both their parts.

It was a small community and Elaine recognizedsome familiar faces and got some nods of recognitionin return. She was going to have a good day no matterhow much she sold. Then a quick run home to changeand off to Paula's for a birthday celebration for Todd,Paula's husband.

Just as she set four jars on one of her foldingtables, it tilted, a leg gave way and two jars crashed tothe ground. Her reflexes were good enough to catchthe other two before they broke.

She felt tears not too far away. Not an auspiciousstart to her great day. Oh well. She shrugged it offand knelt to pick up the glass shards.

A voice behind her said, "I think you need a screw-driver. The brace has come off that leg. Luckily I justhappen to have one."

She looked up at a tall thin framesilhouetted against the morning sun.

All she could make outwas a large smile.

He moved and she could see the rest of his face. Itwasn't a handsome one exactly, but warmth and humoremanated in beams. Her heart gave an unfamiliar leap.His smile deepened as he held out the screwdriver."May I?"

"Thanks." For a normally talkative woman, Elainefelt suddenly tongue tied. She couldn't explain herreaction. It was almost a feeling of recognition. Thatmust be it! She'd met him before. After all it was asmall community.

In a minute he had the brace reattached."I've seen you before," he said, "In the grocery

aisles."Of course. They'd bumped carts by the produce

section last week. How could she not remember thatsmile? Relieved that she had an explanation for herinitial reaction, she regained her voice.

"I remember. We raninto each other by the petdepartment."

"Nearly knocked overa shelf of cat food." Thatwonderful smile deepened."My cat Charlie has gourmettastes."

"My cat Lucy is pickytoo. If I try to sneak some-thing new past her, she sulksand goes on a hunger strike."

"I'm Ted Somerville,by the way."

"Elaine Armstrong." They chatted long after thetable was reset and the first customers arrived. Thefeeling of recognition deepened. Was this what it feltlike to meet a soul mate?

Later, as Elaine was packing up, she found herselfscanning the passers-by, but Ted had left, gone hometo Charlie.

She reluctantly dressed for dinner. Paula and Toddwere her closest friends and she wanted to help cele-brate Todd's birthday, but her mind kept wandering

5124 Hwy#2ALACOMBE

(403) 782-1938

Steaks • BurgersKabobs � Fish � Chicken

Party Snack Foods Pizza � Veggies

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Fire Up the Grill !

LACOMBE

GROCERIES

SEE ALSO• Select Ag Foods...Pg2• Rimbey Coop...Pg7

Summer RomanceSummer Romance

A Market for LoveA Market for LoveGull Lake Guide 2014 •

back to that tall, slim frame withthe screwdriver in hand.

She arrived at Paula's, presentedher gift and wished Todd manyhappy returns.

"Come on through and meet ourother guest," said Paula.

"Oh Paula, not again." Shegroaned. "I thought you'd givenup."

Then, coming towards her,there was Ted. "Hello, again."

For some reason she blushedand her tongue refused to behave."It's you! I thought Paula was try-ing to set me up again."

Ted laughed. "She was.""You knew it was me at the

Market!" she accused.

"Guilty," He said. "Paula andTodd were the first people I metwhen I arrived in town and shedecided to try her hand at match-

making. I told her 'No more'."Those aren't words Paulareally hears," said Elaine."I know. When she invitedme tonight I made her con-fess what she was up to. Ithought I'd get a sneak pre-view and slipped off to theMarket. Then I recognizedyou.""You were checking meout!""Guilty again. But I knewfrom the moment our cartscollided in the supermarketthat I wanted to see more ofyou. I just didn't know howto go about it till Paula inter-vened.""How did you manage toshow up with a screwdriverjust when I needed one?""That part was just coinci-

dence. My cover for showing up atthe Market was to help a friend setup for his woodworking stall."

Elaine tried hard to ignore thecongratulatory grin on Paula's face.Oh well, it could be Paula's set-updays were over.

* * *

Power Of SuggestionThe customer in the

Italian restaurant was so pleasedthat he asked to speak to the chef.The owner proudly led him intothe kitchen and introduced him tothe chef.

"Your veal parmigiana wassuperb," the customer said. "I justspent a month in Italy, and yoursis better than any I ever had overthere."

"Naturally," the chef said."Over there, they use domesticcheese. Ours is imported fromItaly."

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • GROCERIES

6 Varieties of Bread Plus:• Buns • Cookies • Muffins• Pies • Pizza crusts • Pizza• Desserts • Homemade Soups

* Other gluten free foods available *Phone ahead for dairy, egg or sugar-free options.

#2 - 5100 Wolf Creek Dr. LACOMBE (403) 789-8432

Fresh Gluten Free Bread

T

Photo by Lorraine Lew

By Kate Fellowes

“What do youthink happenedhere?” OfficerRobert Packard

asked, gesturing to the remains ofa blaze, recently extinguished.Fire hoses spread across the

parking lot of Al’s Auto Parts.Smoke drifted into the air.“Could have been a lot

worse,” Fire Chief Henry Swiftsaid, pushing back hishelmet. “Luckything someonenoticed andcalled it in.”One corner of

the building wasgone, the restwater-soaked andsoot covered.

“But how’d itstart? Suspicious?”A few years ago,

as everyone knew,Al Morris, the owner,

had been charged witharson and insurance

fraud for burning downhis earlier establishment.

He’d paid his debt and gone backinto business.“I can’t think any man would

try that trick again,” the Chiefsaid, “but it’s looking bad. Ofcourse, we’ll investigate further,but,” he put his finger to the sideof his nose and winked.“Got it. Thanks.” Officer

Packard headed across the lot towhere several people, includingAl, watched the action.Al looked sick. His hands

clenched on the wooden policebarricade.“This is just awful! I’ve

worked so hard to get ittogether again andnow this!”

“Yeah,now this.”Officer Packardlet his tone askthe question.

“You can’tthink I had any-thing to do with

this! I made a hashof things before, but

I’m an honest man now!”“Anybody out to get you? Not

a fan of Al’s Auto Parts?”Al looked at the thin man

beside him, who wore a shirtbearing the company logo.“You were pretty steamed at

me last week when I said I wascutting your hours, Dale.”Dale shook his head. “Yeah,

but I can work extra at the hard-ware store. It’ll be okay.”

Dale looked to the policeman.“We did have an angry cus-

tomer the other day, Officer.”“Who?" Al asked. "Why were

they angry?” “Frank was in to special-order

another part. Got pretty steamedwhen I couldn’t give him a betterprice,” Dale told Al. “It’s not my

Crime FictionCrime Fiction

Arson at Al’sArson at Al’s

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SEE ALSO• And Everything Nice ...Pg8


continued on pg. 28


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Helpful FellowOne day my brother-

in-law noticed an elderlylady slowly pushing a cartthrough the supermarket parkinglot.

Ever courteous, he insisted on

taking it over for her.The woman struggled along-

side, doing her best to keep up.At the entrance, he said,

"Here you go, Ma'am," and gaveher the cart.

Catching her breath, she said,

"Thank you, but I was using it tolean on!"

* * *

“Jet lag is nature's way ofmaking sure you look like

your passport photo.”


fault shipping’s so expensive.Those rubber bumpers weigh aton! You know how he gets.”Al nodded, turning to Officer

Packard. “Frank Vogel is restor-ing a sports car. Comes in all thetime to order parts for it. Getsexcitable.”“Enough to burn down your

shop?”“Wouldn’t think so, but—” Al

shrugged.Officer Packard found Frank

at the address Al supplied. Out inhis garage, he was sitting on anoverturned bucket sanding a patchof primer on a 1969 MGB.“Yeah, I’m at Al’s a lot. He

usually works a deal for me, buthe wasn’t in. I had to talk to thatskinny kid. Gave me a hard time,so I gave him one back.

What of it? I might losemy temper,” he said, “butI’m not a pyromaniac.”“Have you known Al long?”

Officer Packard asked.“Ten years, maybe?”“Would you consider him a

friend?”“We’ve tipped back a few

together.” Frank rose slowly fromthe bucket, pulling a rag from hispocket.“Were you friends when he got

in trouble before?”Frank spit on the rag, rubbed it

over a chrome fitting. “If you’re

asking me if I helped him burndown his old business, thatanswer would be no.”Officer Packard turned his

attention to the vehicle, watchingthe man move on to rub the lengthof the back bumper.Frank gave the shiny surface

another swipe with his rag."That's what you call a mirror fin-ish, sir," he said, smiling at hisown reflection.“She’ll be a beaut when she’s

restored,” Officer Packard saidsincerely.“That she will," Frank agreed. Back at the smoldering

remains of Al’s Auto Parts,Officer Packard approached Aland Dale, who were pickingaround the wreckage.Addressing one of the men, he

said, “You’re under arrest for sus-picion of arson.”

"You're crazy!" Dale said. "Ididn't do it! It must have beenFrank.""No, it was you," Officer

Packard said."But—""Because Frank's MGB has

chrome bumpers, so he wouldn'thave been complaining about thecost of a rubber one, would he?"the Officer went on."Dale, why would you do

that? You've ruined me!" Al said,dismayed."Because you cut my hours,

Al!" Dale burst out. "I wassteaming mad at you.""You'll have plenty of time to

cool off down at the station,"Officer Packard said, leading theyoung man away.Looking on, Al shook his head

slowly, then turned back to sal-vage what he could from theremains.

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continued from pg. 26

Escaped!Three women

escaped from prison.They ran for milesuntil they came upon an oldbarn, so they decided to hide inthe hayloft and rest. When theyclimbed up, they found threegunnysacks and decided to putthem over their heads for cam-ouflage.

About an hour later the sher-iff and his deputy came into thebarn. The sheriff told his deputy


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to go up and check out thehayloft.

When he got up there,the sheriff asked him what he saw.The deputy told him: just threegunnysacks. The sheriff told him tofind out what was in them.

So the deputy kicked the firstbag, which had the first escapee init, and she called out: "Bow-wow,"so the deputy told the sheriff therewas a dog in the first one.

Then he kicked the one withthe second escapee in it and shecalled out: "Meow."

The deputy told the sheriffthere was a cat in the second one.

Then he kicked the third sackand there was no sound at all, sohe kicked it again. The womanfinally called out: "Potatoes."

Doctor’s Visit The doctor was making her

rounds and walked into the semi-private room in the hospital to

examine old Mrs.Williams.After the exam

in her best profes-sional voice, shesaid smoothly,"You are coughingmuch more easilythis morning.""I should," snappedthe patient, "I've

been practicing all night."

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By Leslie Carmichael

Our moon has had a deepeffect on every cultureon Earth. That's not sur-prising; at night, it

draws our attention by its size andbrightness. Do people really go crazy dur-

ing the full moon? Our ancestorsthought so. This is the origin ofthe word "lunatic," which derivesfrom Luna, the Roman goddess ofthe moon. Our ancestors thoughtthat the moon was the cause ofsome people's insanity. Morerecently, it was also thought thatmore people went into hospitalsor committed crimes during thefull moon. However, after numer-ous studies, it has been estab-lished that there is no correlationbetween the full moon and peo-ple's behaviour. Is there a "man in the moon?"

Sometimes the face of the moonlooks like a man. But the moon iscompletely airless, and thereforelifeless. The only time there havebeen men on the moon was duringthe Apollo space program.Landings occurred several timesfrom 1969 to 1972.Do wolves howl at the moon?

Not really. Wolves howl for sever-al reasons: to cry for the pack tomeet up; to signal the packregarding a wolf's location; and asa warning for outside wolves tostay out of a pack's territory.

They are not interested inthe moon; they just standon high places and pointtheir muzzles upwardbecause it makes for

better acoustics.

And werewolves? Sorry, theyexist only in fiction.

We name a day of the weekfor the moon: Monday. The word"month" is also derived from the moon. Many cultures base their year

on a lunar cycle, and although theGregorian (modern) calendar hasmonths that vary in length, it toohas a basis in the lunar cycle. Our months were all the same

length at one point, until someonefigured out that they didn't quitematch up with our revolutionaround the sun, which takes 365(and a quarter) days. That last bitis why we have to add a day everyfour years, which helps us catchup with our calendar. Otherwise,we could end up having our sea-sons shift throughout the year! The moon is the largest natural

satellite in our solar system, rela-tive to its planet. We don't reallyknow what the inside of the moonis made of (we do know it's notgreen cheese!). During the moon landings,

astronauts brought rocks and dustfrom the surface back to earth foranalysis. These rocks are mostlymade of oxygen, silicon, magne-sium, iron, calcium, and alu-

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CLOTHING & JEWELLERYminum. There are also trace elements liketitanium, uranium, thorium, potassium andhydrogen. The moon, when visible, is the brightest

object in our night sky. This is because ithas a high albedo (al-BEE-doh), whichmeans that the light-coloured materialswith which the surface is made reflect the sun's light.

Unlike the Earth, our moon doesnot rotate, so it presents the sameface, scarred by meteor impacts,

to us at all times.

Our only images for the "dark side" of themoon come from the photos that weretaken in space.

Horseshoe SuperstitionAn American scientist once

visited the offices of the greatNobel Prize-winning physicist,Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen, andwas amazed to find that over his desk ahorseshoe was nailed to the wall.

The American said with a nervouslaugh, "Surely you don't believe thathorseshoe will bring you good luck, doyou, Professor Bohr?"

Bohr chuckled. "I believe no suchthing, my good friend. Not at all. I amscarcely likely to believe in such foolishnonsense. However, I am told that ahorseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"

Lawn OrnamentsCustomer at a counter of a lawn

ornament shop:"Give me four of those pinwheels,

two of those pink flamingos, two of thesunflowers, and one ofthose bent-over grandmain bloomers."Cashier’s reply:

"That'll be eightdollars for the pin-wheels, ten dollarsfor the flamingos,six dollars for thesunflowers, and anapology to mywife!"

© Jonny Hawkins P.O. Box 188, Sherwood, MI 49089, USA 269-432-8071


Member of ParliamentWETASKIWIN

Chair, Alberta Caucus

[email protected]

Blaine Calkins

ConstituencyBay 6A - 4612 50th St.PONOKA, AB T4J 1S7Tel: (403) 783-55301-800-665-0865

Fax: (403) 783-5532

OttawaRoom 401

Justice buildingOttawa, ON K1A0A6

613-995-8886Fax: 613-996-9860

Photo by Amanda Southworth


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Old hackers never die,they just go to bits.

Old hardware engineersnever die, theyjust cache intheir chips.

Old hippiesnever die, theyjust smell thatway.

Old horticul-turists never die,they just go topot.

Old hypochon-driacs never die, theyjust lose their grippe.

Old investorsnever die, they just roll over.

Old journalists never die,they just get de-pressed.

Old knights in chain mailnever die, they just shuffle offtheir metal coils.

Old laser physicists neverdie, they just become incoher-ent.

Old lawyers never die, theyjust lose their appeal.

Old limbo dancers neverdie, they just go under.

Old mathematicians neverdie, they just disintegrate.

Old milkmaids never die,they just lose their whey.

Old ministers never die,they just get put out to pastor.

Old musicians never die,they just get played out.

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Old professorsnever die, they just

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* * *Eye Test

When his eyes began togive him trouble, a man wentto a ophthalmologist in Prague.

The doctor showed thepatient the eye chart, displayingthe letters CVKPNWXSCZ."Can you read that?" the doctorasked.

"Can I read it?" the Czechreplied. "I dated his sister!"

As They Get Old . . .As They Get Old . . .

“I want to grow my own foodbut I can’t find any

bacon seeds.”

By Sharon McGregor

For some reason, marriedfriends take it as a God-given obligation to match up

their single or divorced friendswith old beaux, cronies of theirhusbands, or box-boys they meetcoming out of Safeway. Myfriend Janet, for instance, hasCupid beaten by a quiver.

First she introduced me toDonald, the food faddist. He tookme to a restaurant with a healthfood orientation and ordered thespecial. I saw a plate go by; itresembled the pieces that fellfrom the ceiling the day mydaughter let the bathtub overflow.I had to surreptitiously slip thewaiter a bribe to bring me somereal food.

"Do you realize," said Donaldas I happily munched on a Frenchfry, "That has been fried in cho-lesterol laden fat that will cling toyour artery walls? And that meatis 80% fat," he continued as I tooka more hesitant nibble at my burg-er.

"Would you like to see what itdoes to your blood vessels?" Heproceeded to show me a medicalchart. He frowned as I reachedfor the salt shaker. "Excessivesalt intake leads to hypertension,"he said, noting my clenched jaw,flared nostrils and tense posture,"especially in a Type A personali-ty, which I suspect you are."

If I ever decide to loseweight, I'm going to look upDonald.

Janet didn't consider her dutyended with one try. She trotted outa smorgasbord of possibilities forme. She'd invite me over for cof-fee and meet me at the door witha firm grip on the arm of aprospect. I recognized the look inher eye. I saw that same plea forapproval every time my cat

dropped a deadrodent on mydoorstep.

There was Peter,the numerologist,who refused to callme by my namebecause the numberswere all wrong. Headdressed my as'Cookie' all evening.

Then there wasAlvin, the zoologist."You two have somuch in common," Janet cooed asshe introduced us.

For three straight hoursour conversation consistedof a detailed account ofthe mating rituals of the

Zatowan Fruit Fly.

It would help if Icould ever learn tosay 'goodbye', butI'm a natural cow-ard. After a disas-trous date I wouldnever say, "Pleasedon't call me, and ifyou ever set foot inmy street again, I'llcall the police."

Instead, I'd smile sweetly andsay, "I had a wonderful time."Then I'd instruct the kids toanswer the phone all week andsay that Mom got called out oftown for a Save The Mermaidsconference.

Last week Janet invited meover to play charades. She greet-


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ed me at the door with Kennethin tow and that feline expressionI have come to know. "You twowill get along famously," shepurred.

She was right. He was terrif-ic.

He took me to dinnerand didn't bat an eyelash

when I had to havethe waiter change our

table due to myclaustrophobia.

He was very supportive when thered rash I developed proved thatthose were, indeed, Brazil nuts inthe dessert.

I took him home afterwardand he didn't appear botheredwhen my son's bike left a scratchon his new car. He didn't evenblink when Hanover, the dog, gotsick on his shoes. At last- herewas a man with sensitivity,

sympathy and understanding.He said he'd call me this

week, but when I didn't hear fromhim, I talked to his secretary.She mumbled something abouthis being called out of town to aSave The Whales conference.

* * *

First ImpressionsOne night a teenage

girl brought her newboyfriend home to meether parents, and theywere appalled by his appearance:leather jacket, motorcycle boots,tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled theirdaughter aside and confessedtheir concern. "Dear," said themother diplomatically, "he does-n't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," repliedthe daughter, "if he wasn't nice,why would he be doing 500hours of community service?"


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Popping EarsAboard a flight from

L.A. to New York,Grandma Esther was tak-ing her very first flight.

They had only been aloft afew minutes when the elderlylady complained to the stew-ardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave theolder woman some chewing gum,assuring her that many peopleexperienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in NewYork, Grandma thanked the stew-ardess.

"The chewing gum workedfine," she said, "but tell me, howdo I get it out of my ears?"


By Myrna Pearman

Ellis Bird Farm (EBF) hasteamed up with Dr. KevinFraser of York University(Toronto) on a very excit-

ing project to track the migrationand overwintering patterns ofPurple Martins using light-levelgeolocators (‘backpacks’). Charlie and Winnie Ellis,

founders of Ellis Bird Farm, hadmartins nesting on the farm in the1960s and 1970s. Numbers gradu-ally declined as tree growthcrowded the houses, then a severespring storm in 1982 killed thelast remaining few pairs. The martins returned in 1999

when new houses were put up byEllis Bird Farm under the mentor-ship of a local martin organiza-tion, the Purple MartinConservancy (PMC). Martin numbers have

increased each year and the 70pairs that now nest on the site areenjoyed by over 10,000 visitorseach summer. Needless to say, wewere keen to get involved withthe geolocator project whenextended the invitation by theCamrose Wildlife andStewardship Society. Alberta is ofparticular interest to researchersbecause the birds here are breed-ing at the northern edge of theirrange. In 2012, a total of 22 geoloca-

tors were deployed at EBF and 29in the Camrose area. Under theguidance of PMC our staff assist-ed with trapping and other logis-tics, and Dr. Fraser trained ourteam to quickly and gently attachthe units. The deployments werewatched by a fascinated public aswell as several school groups.Several adults and many thrilledchildren were able to release thebirds, newly outfitted with theirtiny backpacks.

As soon as the martins beganarriving back at Ellis Bird Farm inlate April, 2013, staff and volun-teers—armed with spotting scopesand binoculars— spent hourssearching for returned birds. Wealso put the call out to all martinkeepers in the area, asking themto watch for geo’d birds at theirsites.

With only the tiny probevisible, and then only

when the feathers were ina certain position, thesearch was a challenge.

Finally, on May 15th, we wereable to confirm our first geo’dbird, a female. Using a very hightech capturing system (a long-handled paint roller!), we trappedthe bird, lowered the house andgingerly removed her from hercompartment. In the safety of my office, with

the door closed perchance sheescaped our grasp, we carefully

snipped off her little pack andpackaged it for shipping to Dr.Fraser. Within a few days he had

downloaded the data and, for thefirst time ever, was able to sharewith us the remarkable journey ofthe first northern nesting martin


Bird BackpacksBird Backpacks

After being outfitted witha geolocator, a Purple Martin isreleased. By Myrna Pearman

Geolocators (tiny backpacks)are quickly and gently attached to thePurple Martins. By Myrna Pearman

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • LIQUOR

ever to be tracked. We named thisbird Amelia in honour of theworld’s most famous female avia-tor.

Logging the longestjourney of any martinever recorded, Amelia

travelled over 21,000 kmon her round trip journey

between Brazil andEllis Bird Farm.

The geolocator data showed thatshe left Ellis Bird Farm on August24th, headed east, then turnedsouth, crossed the Gulf ofMexico, spent 28 days in Belizeand then spent the remainder ofthe winter in three different roost-

ing sites in the Amazon Basin. What is most remarkable is

her return to the farm: she leftBrazil on April 24 and rocketedback to Ellis Bird Farm in only 21days, averaging 600 km per day! Over the next few weeks, six

more geo’d birds were captured(five at Ellis Bird Farm and one inCamrose). Maps and travelogueswere created for all units exceptone, which disappointingly had adead battery. Summaries of these journeys

can be found at:www.ellisbirdfarm.ca.

* * * Lingering Hug

We had made somechanges in our lives.

My husband had lost50 pounds and in the process hadto give up many of his favoritefoods.

After eight years of being a

housewife, I had taken a job in arestaurant.

When I returned home aftermy first day at work, I gave myhusband a big hug.

He seemed to cling to melonger than usual.

"Did you really miss me thatmuch today, dear?" I asked.

"No," came the reply."But you smell so much like

pancakes that I hate to let yougo!”

* * *When they tossed the

bouquet at the hypochondriacwedding everybodycaught something.

After trapping the martinin a compartment, it is gently

lowered to the ground.By Myrna Pearman

The Blue Light Liquor Store* Free Ice with purchase* Liquor Licenses* Discounts for functions* Seniors 10% discount

WEDNESDAYS5002-50 Ave. BENTLEY

Next to Monkey Top Saloon (403) 658-1580

SIDE STREETLIQUOR STORE

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1 BLOCK OFFMAIN STREET

RIMBEY

CROSSWORDBy Colleen

by Colleen McNaught of Bentley

Hart33. alternate routes35. _____ avian questionsat Ellis Bird Farm

36. Mr. DiCaprio's bud-dies call him this?

38. marsh39. Nursery Golf &Country ____

40. Taurus Contracting,Wetaskiwin, for home_____

41. means 'within; inside'

42. famed British college44. temp. will do this inwinter!

45. Biblical brother ofJacob

46. a computer logic cir-cuit (abb)

48. unusual49. 1930s actor:____West

Answers - Page 60


BENTLEY’S NEW HISTORY BOOKSARE AVAILABLE!!

1982 Bentley and District Early History$25.00 (when purchased with new set) $40.00 (if purchased alone)

Bentley’s NEW history books & the 1982 history books are available for purchase from the Town Office, the Bentley Museum or from these Board Members: Cora Knutson - 748-2455 Jack Siebenga - 885-4380Suzie Wiese - 748-3228 Lorna Landry - 748-4378Myrna Robinson - 748-2172

PricesBentley – A Gateway Through Time (2 Volumes) $75.00

Les BeltBox 102

Rimbey, AB [email protected]

Cell: 403-783-0783Bus: 403-843-3302

Formerly SilverBelt

ACROSS:1. sketch5. Popow & Sons willtow this

8. National Park in B.C.12. Mud Bogs at CentralAlberta ____ways!

13. Bravo!14. vari-coloured gem15. Coat-of-____ badgefrom The King's Coat,Red Deer

16. baseball referee (abb)17. bird, or ___Lake GolfCourse

18. ______-totter20. panorama21. homes at Wilson'sBeach _______s

24. water-skiing is one27. tennis game segment28. ______ Zadora: Am.actor/singer

31. Lacombe ____Maze32. Head Hunters Salon& ____, Lacombe

33. foxes' homes34. inside (abb)35. consumed36. connects dog to han-dler!

37. _____LegionCampground, GullLake's west side

39. rainbow trout@Rainy _____

43. ______ ShoeRestaurant

47. spring religious season

48. grandma (German)50. constellation:____Major

51. take apart

52. trout at Open Creek____

53. tri-colour horse?54. windfall55. make a ___ to bank(abb)

56. potato (slang)DOWN:1. “Dang it!” (Br. slang)2. uncommon3. village near Calgary4. style of saddle5. tennis _____at SV ofGull Lake

6. Heidi's ‘_____-Uncle'7. set of exercises doneover and over (abb)

8. one who practicesyoga

9. numbered musicalcompositions

10. Stop!11. bulging earthenwarevessel

19. approximate (abb)20. animals' doc (abb)22. Gull Lake's ______Beach Provincial Park

23. enjoy exotic ____from PastConnectionsEmporium

24. 'Star Wars': a______-fi movie

25. certain type of dahlia:pom-______

26. a leftover of a meal28. this veggie encased inpod!

29. these claims at GordSchmidt RV Service(abb)

30. residue in firepit32. pro wrestling's _____

Asthe snow finallybegins to melt aftera very long winter,the Gull Lake

Watershed Society remains veryactive around the lake and is cur-rently undertaking 2 major newinitiatives.The first initiative involves the

stream bed restoration project andthe development of strategic wet-

lands around sensitive areas of thelake.

The majority of nutrientsthat lead to the formationof algae in the lake comefrom runoff in the Gull

Lake watershed.

1. We are initiating consultationwith various land owners aroundsensitive areas of the lake to:- create wetland settling areas fornutrients to be absorbed- restore streams beds that are cur-rently eroding fields and washingnutrients into the lake (see photo). We are receiving very positive

feedback and willingness to workwith us from virtually everyonewe have begun to talk with. If you are a land holder around

the lake and have relevant landsthat could be helped by this initia-tive, contact Craig MacLeod (403-318-6555), Kirk Miller (403-986-8600), Glenn Fraser (403-347-8447) or Keith Nesbitt, the mayorof Parkland Village (403-963-1414).2. The second initiative we areundertaking is the aquifer pro-gram. This is designed to check

the health of the aquifers aroundthe lake through voluntary welltesting of residents. Since many ofthese wells have not been testedfor quite some time, this is prov-ing very helpful to residents.Trevor Wannop, a former

mayor of the Summer Village ofGull Lake is coordinating theproject and can be reached at (403-807-2516). We are recruiting volunteers

for this project and it has providedthe society with an excellentopportunity to talk with residentsaround the lake. Please call if youare willing help out.Water levels remain close to

40 year highs, which is extremelyencouraging. Have a great springand summer at the lake! By Craig MacLeod, President,

Gull Lake Watershed Society.


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Dick LakeFishing MapDistances From RimbeyOpen Creek (34 km) - Rainbow Trout/Brown Trout

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Gull Lake (14 km) Pike/WalleyeDeer Creek (28 km) - Brown TroutRainy Creek (31 km) - Rainbow TroutBeaver Dams (45 km) - Rainbow TroutBlindman River (1 km) - PikeMedicine River (24 km) - PikeBuck Lake (61 km) - Pike/Perch/Walleye/Whitefish

Fishing in the Gull Lake Area


Failed SpeechA colleague was

invited to hold aspeech in Japan. Aware of hisreputation as a very goodspeaker, he was surprised thathis audience did not react atall to any of his perfectlytimed jokes and witticisms. Infact, the audience did not reactto anything he said.

Somewhat put down, hewent back to his seat and aJapanese gentleman appearedon the stage. This man had aterrific success! Peoplelaughed and applauded, andalthough the original speakercould not understand one bitof what was said, still he start-ed to applaud, as the man evi-dently deserved praise for thisperfect speech.

He was interrupted by thechairman of the conference,"No no, sir. You must notapplaud."

Dumbfounded, he protest-ed: "But why? This man isobviously a very good speak-er."

"No sir, you must notapplaud. He is translating yourspeech."


By Daris Howard

Wehave amoose thathas decided to

make a free lunch out of ourhaystack. He wanders hisway in and munches on thefeed I bought for myhorse. He makes memad and I wish hecould just wanderhis way right into myfreezer. But I’m not the only one that

is mad at him. He has pretty welltaken up residency in our small,rural community and wandersfrom farm to farm causing havocand spreading hay and moosedroppings in his wake.My problem is, I often feed

my horse early in the morning andlate at night when it is dark. Idon’t relish the idea of accidental-ly surprising the moose as hedines by moonlight.

I know very well thata moose is much moretemperamental thana bear, and often a lot

more dangerous.

A moose would stomp a personinto compost at the slightestprovocation.It was in visiting with my

neighbors about the renegademoose that I found out that I was-n’t the only one that was gettingfed up with this community pest . My neighbor, Jay, said he

stepped outside to find the moosemunching happily on his haystack, and Jay decided he had hadenough. He shouted at his dogs.“Go get him, boys!”Like lightening the two dogs

were off, heading with a loud cho-rus and dogged determination in

the direction of the moose. Jaydecided to step into the

house to get his cameraso he could take a cou-ple of shots of thechase. When the dogsreached the moose, themoose took off for safer

territory. Everythingwas going accord-ing to plan untilthe moose stopped

and seemed to rememberthat he was a moose and that twodogs do not a pack make. Heturned to face them, and the twodogs slid to a sudden halt.At that point the chasee,

became the chaser and the bravebarking became whimpering yelpsof fear. To Jay’s horror, the dogsdecided that the house was theirsafest option and headed at fulltilt for the open door. Jay stood directly in their path

and knew that he too needed toreach the open door, if not before

the dogs, at least before themoose!The moose was closing the

distance between himself and thedogs very quickly. Jay barelyreached the door ahead of thedogs and, when he tried to shut it,they let out yelps of protest as ifto plead, “Let us in! Let us in!”Jay could see the whites of the

moose’s eyes as the last dog slidthrough the door and Jay slammedthe door shut. But the moose wasso hot on the dogs’ trail that Jaywas sure the door would giveway.

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES

Essential OilsHomeopathic remedies

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Photo Comparative BLOOD ANALYSIS

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Touch for HEALTH/BODY Balancing(403)843-6768 RIMBEY

Moose AttackMoose Attack

Photo by Myrna Pearman

continued on pg. 49


RIMBEYAnglican Churchof the Epiphany 5211-52 Street,Rimbey, 843-2597 Sunday 11:30 a.m.Catholic Parish of St. Margaret’s5509-50 St.., Rimbey843-2126 Sunday 9am(4th SUN. 11am)ChristianReformed Church5506-51 Ave., Rimbey843-2585 Sunday 10 a.m.Church of God in ChristBluffton, 843-6248Sunday 10:45 a.m.Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter Day Saints4620-54 Ave., Rimbey843-2718 Sun. 10amChurch of the Nazarene5214-51 St., Rimbey843-2029 Sunday 11:00 a.m.Hoadley MissionaryChurchHoadley 843-6461Sunday 11 a.m.Jehovah's WitnessKingdom HallRimbey 843-3273Sunday 10 a.m.Rimbey Alliance Church843-3727, RimbeyCommunity Centre (services) Sunday 10:30 amRimbey New LifeFellowship5038-49 Ave., Rimbey843-3336 Sunday 10amRimbey United Church4931-51 Ave., Rimbey843-2458 Sunday 10:30 a.m.Seventh Day Adventist ChurchRimbey, 843-3619Sat. Service 11 a.m.Zion Lutheran Church4521-54 Ave., RimbeySunday 10:30 am843-2767

BENTLEYBentley United ChurchPastor Ray Goodship4901-50 Ave., Bentley748-3780 June-Aug. Wed. 7 pmSunday 9:30 a.m. serviceresumes in Sept.Bentley Christian Centre4824-50 Street, Bentley 748-3955 Sunday 10:00 a.m.Grace Lutheran Church7.5 km W. of Bentley, Sun. 11 a.m.Bentley Catholic Parish ofOur Lady of PerpetualHelp, 4901-49 Ave, Bentley843-2126, Sat. 7 pmPentecostal Assemblies ofCanada 748-2050Seventh Day Adventist4910-49 Ave., Bentley748-3888 Sat. 11 a.m.

LACOMBEAnglican ChurchRev. Rilla Sommerville 782-6310 Bethel Christian ReformedChurch5704-51 Ave., LacombePastor Mike Vandyk 782-6400 Canadian Baptist BibleChurchPastor Chuck Coulson 782-4745 Cavalry Evangelical FreeChurch (403) 782-6141 Pastor Ron Swanson Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter Day Saints Bishop Ken Way 782-2813 Church of NazarenePastor Glenn Boyce 782-6770 Immanuel ProtestantReformed ChurchReverend Rodney Miersma782-5444Lacombe First BaptistChurch5227 C&E Trail (2 blocksN. of Hwy12), 782-3110Sunday 10 am

Parkside AlliancePastor James Heller, 782-5533 Pentecostal TabernaclePastor Mark Running, 782-2966 Seventh Day Adventist 782-6699 Seventh Day AdventistCollege Heights, PastorRon Sydenham, 782-6131 St. Andrew's UnitedChurch, Ross Smillie, 782-3148

St.Stephen's CatholicChurchFather Mike Blanch, 782-3514 Trinity Lutheran Church782-6922 Woody Nook ChristianReformed Church, 1 mileeast of Gull Lake, 3 milessouth on Woody Nook Rd.Sun. 10 am & 7 pm. 885-4427

Love those peanuts! by Ron Asp

(Email your photos to us - see Pg.7)

All phone numbers have the prefix (403)

Jay threw himself to theside, sure the door wouldbe shattered into pieces

at any moment.

But then everything went quiet,except for the heavy breathing ofthe dogs.Jay looked out the window

and saw the moose eying the dooras if he was considering turning itinto splinters. Then the mooseturned and headed back to thehaystack. One of the dogs, sensing the

moose’s departure, started howl-ing as if he were the victor. Themoose stopped and turned back toeye the door. Jay grabbed thedog’s mouth to shut him up, andthe moose finally returned to hisevening meal.This morning, I went out and

once again found the moose in myhaystack. I looked at my big dogslounging sleepily on the deck. Ilooked at the moose, then at mydogs again. “Nah,” I thought. “It’sjust a little hay.”

* * *Be An Optimist: No sensebeing pessimistic...it won't

work anyway.

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • VETERINARIAN

Tennis Ball LessonA college professor had

the mysterious habit of remov-ing a tennis ball from his jacketpocket as he walked into the lec-ture hall each morning. He wouldset it on the corner of the podium.After giving the lecture for theday, he would once again pick upthe tennis ball, place it into hisjacket pocket, andleave the room.

No one everunderstood whyhe did this, untilone day ...

A student fellasleep during thelecture. The profes-sor didn't miss aword of his lecturewhile he walked overto the podium, picked up thetennis ball, and threw it, hitting thesleeping student squarely on thetop of the head.

The next day, the professorwalked into the room, reached intohis jacket, removed a baseball ...

No one ever fell asleep in hisclass the rest of the semester!

Count Your BlessingsA group of seniors were sitting

around talking about all their ail-ments at the coffee shop.

"My arms have got so weak Ican hardly lift this cup of cof-fee," said one."Yes, I know," said another.

"My cataracts are so bad, I can'teven see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X"at election time because my handsare so crippled," volunteered athird.

"What? Speak up! What? Ican't hear you, saidone elderly lady!""I can't turn my

head because of thearthritis in my neck,"said one, to which sev-eral nodded weakly inagreement.

"My blood pres-sure pills make me so

dizzy!" exclaimed another."I forget where I am and

where I'm going," said another."I guess that's the price we

pay for getting old," winced anold man as he slowly shook hishead.

The others nodded in agree-ment.

"Well, count your Blessings,"said a woman cheerfully....

“Thank God we can all stilldrive!”

Sylvan Lake Veterinary Clinic Ltd.

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By Lorraine Lew


Parking

Campers Only

31L

The English language hasmany words that look

similar or the same, buthave different meanings.

Heteronyms are words thatare spelled the same but have dif-ferent sounds.

Homonyms are wordswith the same spelling andsame sound.

Homophones have different spelling but thesame sound.1) The bandage was

wound around the wound.2) The farm was used

to produce produce.3) The dump was so

full that it had to refusemore refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish fur-niture.5) He could lead if he would

get the lead out.6) The soldier decided to

desert his dessert in the desert.7) Since there is no time like

the present, hethought it wastime to present thepresent.8) At the Army

base, a bass waspainted on thehead of a bassdrum.9) When shot

at, the dove doveinto the bushes.10) I did not

object to theobject.

11) The insurance was invalidfor the invalid.12) There was a row among

the oarsmen about how to row.13) They were too close to the

door to close it.14) The buck does funny

things when the does are present.15) A seamstress and a sewer

fell down into a sewer line.16) To help with planting, the

farmer taught his sow to sow.17) The wind was too strong

to wind the sail.18) After a number of

Novocain injections, my jaw gotnumber.19) Upon seeing the tear in the

painting I shed a tear.20) I had to subject the subject

to a series of tests.21) How can I intimate this to

my most intimate friend?22) I spent last evening

evening out a pile of dirt.


•

•••

61 well-treed sites with firepits and picnic tables• firewood and ice for sale! public pay phone 2 large group areas public day use area laundry facilities & shower house

• sewage dumping station• fish-cleaning stands• toilet facilities with wheelchair accessibility! camp cookhouse! tap drinking water! swimming and beach area! boat launch/docks- campers only

excellent fishing and

! 6 sets of horseshoe pits! 2 playgrounds

For campground informationand/or reservations phone:

(403) 748-2200 or write us at:Sunset Legion Campground

5138-49 St. Lacombe, AB T4L1J2

Camping Fees for 2014Day$20

$19

Month$558

$551

Seasonal $1575 (Full)

$1575 (Full)Senior Rates

From EDMONTON: 170 km •Hwy #2 S, Hwy #53 W, 20 km S on Hwy #771 to the campground entrance.From RED DEER: 55 km • Hwy #2 N, Hwy #12 W, just a few km N on Hwy 20, then N on Hwy #771 to the campground entrance.From ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOUSE: 80 kmHwy 22 N, Hwy 12 E, just a few kms N on Hwy #20, then N on Hwy #771 to the campground entrance.

Sunset Legion Campground Owned and operated by the Lacombe Legion Branch #79

Sunset Legion CampgroundOwned and operated by the Lacombe Legion Branch #79

Group sites: $160 minimum charge per night upto 10 units (then $16 per night per unit)

Double lots: $20 per unit/night

G.S.T. NOT included in prices

24-HRSECURITY

Hetero What? Hetero What?

Gull Lake

N

Wilson’s Beach Campground


For reservations or information, call: (403) 782-3202 Reservations recommended • Visa & Mastercard accepted.

Wilson’s Beach CampgroundWilson’s Beach CampgroundWWWWeeee aaaa rrrreeee aaaa qqqquuuuiiii eeeetttt ffffaaaammmmiiii llll yyyy ccccaaaammmmppppggggrrrroooouuuunnnndddd,,,, nnnnooootttt aaaa ppppaaaarrrr ttttyyyy ffffaaaacccc iiii llll iiii ttttyyyy....

7 km north of Hwy 12on Hwy 792 (Lincoln Rd)

. . . 96 well-treed sites with mature trees•Power Hook-ups on seasonal sites only • seasonal sites may be available• Monthly/Weekly Rates • Senior Rates (65+)•Group Sites •Large Sandy Beach•Heated Shower House & Toilets•Boat Launch • Excellent Fishing with Fish • Cleaning Stand • Fishing Dock• Playground • Hiking Trails• Horseshoe Pit • Pets Welcome• Small Convenience Store

By Hugh Neeld

People often ask where I everfound my worn but servicea-ble set of World Book

Encyclopedia, circa 1935. It’s not particularly pretty to

look at, and would not be the ref-erence source to use today foraccurate information. For instanceit refers to uranium as a worthlessmineral. Although old and somewhat

rare, it’s no collector’s item. Ibought it recently at a neighbor-hood garage sale. It was marked$10; I offered $5 and my offerwas accepted. I mean it was agarage sale, ok?Most weekends, there’s a

garage sale within a stone’s throwof your house (at least withinwalking distance or a short drive).Many are a virtual cornucopia of

someone’s most treasured posses-sions for sale at negotiable prices. Others, however, are traps

designed to get unwary shop-pers to pay you for theprivilege of haulingaway your trash.Strangely enough,these two scenariosoften happen at thesame location simultaneously.I like garage sales. I’ve

attended a bunch over theyears and have even jointlysponsored a few with mywife.

At our last garage sale wesold over $500 worth ofstuff; unfortunately we

got only $32 for it.

Garage sales typically start

and end early. They’re mostlyorganized haphazardly and alwaysoffer a few items that make youwonder what their original pur-chasers were thinking. The sellersare either perky and friendly orbored and surly, depending uponwhat time you show up and

how things aregoing. Buyers who arrivewhen the salebegins tend to be

focused and usuallywalk off with the beststuff; latecomers aremore relaxed andmeandering, and usu-ally just walk off.

Most prices areflexible. Few sellers take checks.And no one likes early birds,those people who show up beforethe advertised start time. Of course garage sales are

traps; baited with legends.Everyone knows at least onegarage sale story of an incredible

No Earlybirds! No Earlybirds!

continued on pg. 61

By Guy Belleranti

The EntrepreneurWalter chuckled and rubbed his hands

together. “You seem happy,” said his girlfriend. “I am. I just increased the value of my car by

a couple thousand bucks.”“No kidding? How’d you do that?”Walter put a finger to his lips. “Promise you

won’t tell?”“Well…okay.”Walter grinned and said in a whisper, “I sold it

to a used car lot.”“Sold it? How’d that help its value?”“Simple. I bought it back for two thousand

more.”

End of the TrailMartin penetrated the shadowy recesses of the

building with slow, purposeful steps. The thrill ofthe hunt had taken hold, and his eyes were watch-ful, looking everywhere, He’d find her here – hewas sure of it. And when he did—Wait! Yes, there she was. At last. His fingers

snaked out, grabbing her, squeezing her spine with ashaking hand. “Got you,” he whispered as he tookthe long sought first edition off the used bookstoreshelf.

Second ThoughtsLoud, animal-like sounds poured from their

throats as they closed in. What am I going to do?Robert thought, as he looked wildly foran avenue of escape. He’d faced difficultsituations before, but he didn’t see howhe could survive this one.They were almost upon him!Robert put his head down and did the

only thing he could do – run. Never againwould he play quarterback.

DefenselessThe masked man leaned over William, a

sharp metal object glistening in his righthand. No! William thought. Fear shotthrough his veins and up and down his spine.This can’t be happening. This—“Open wide,” said the dentist.

Beastly BehaviorI was in the doghouse again last night. It’s not

like I did anything so terrible either. Okay, maybe Ihave been a little too loud with the snoring. And

maybe I have ogled a few too many ladies in theneighborhood – I’ve a healthy libido, and sometimesI just can’t help myself. But are those reasons for herto kick me out of the bedroom?I’m determined tonight will be better. I tried

being extra helpful today, tried to please her everyway I could. Maybe she’ll realize how hard I triedand will forgive and forget. Maybe she’ll rub mytummy, scratch me above my tail and tell me what a

good boy I’ve been.

Law and OrderThe flashing lights of several

squad cars lit up the parking lotand bled their colors through the win-dows of the posh restaurant.“Hey, you’ve arrested our waiter,” a

diner burst out as two cops rushed by with aman in handcuffs.

“Of course we have,” one ofthe cops said over his shoulder.“We had to – he was serving hot

food.”* * *

Indignant Rage - By www.cybersalt.orgJones jumped up from the card table white with

rage. "Stop this game," he shouted, "Smith is cheat-ing!"How do you know?""He's not playing the hand I dealt him."

5029 - 50 AVE, LACOMBE • TEL. (403) 782-5800Monday, Wednesday & Friday 9:00am - 6:00pm

Tuesday & Thursday 9:00am - 9:00pmSaturday 9:00am - 4:00pm

www.headhunterssalon.ca(New Tanning Bulbs)

*ONLINE GIFT CERTIFICATE*

• Stylish full service Salon & Spa• Continued staff education• Total makeovers - all in one stop• Medi-Spa - Botox, @llers & Softlift

(done by a Medical Doctor)• Experienced hair stylists & estheticians• Biggest selection of professional products• Extensions, Teeth Whitening, Piercing,Tanning, Nails

* NEW OPI GEL semi permanent nail color

Gull Lake Guide 2014 • SALON & SPA

Misguided FictionMisguided Fiction


Come and visit us at oneof Alberta’s first and mostpopular provincial parks!Our team of dedicated summer

staff will work hard to make yourstay enjoyable and safe. So pleasehave fun while respecting yourneighbours and the natural environ-ment of this wonderful place.

Top two safety messages:Drivers: please slow down and

watch out for children. Parents: please supervise your

children around the water.

Enjoying the BeachThe warm shallow beach at

Ebeling Day Use Area continues tobe a favorite place for young andold, especially on a hot summerday. Ripples Food Concession, locat-

ed near the boat launch at the westend of the beach, offers tasty icecream and all your favourite snackfoods, ice and firewood, as well asa coin laundry. For a change of scene visit the

second beach at LakeviewCampground which is connectedby a scenic nature trail and board-walk through the wildlife marsh.

Aspen Beach offers a fullrange of camping

facilities & services tomake your stay enjoyable. Brewers Campground located

near the main beach has over 300unserviced, treed sites that are greatfor tents and smaller RVs. Lakeview Campground has over

250 serviced sites all with pull-through access. Lakeview is moreopen and manicured and best suitedfor RVs of all sizes. Three groups camps are at the

north end of the park, each with ashelter building. These large, open,grassy sites where you can “circlethe wagons” are great for familyreunions or any group gatherings.

Park Rules Simplified• Slow down: speed limit- 30 kph• Quiet time is 11 pm to 7 am; respect your neighbours

• Visitors please leave by 11 pm• Check-in: 4pm; check-out: 2 pm • Pets must be leashed and not left unattended. Please - no pets on the beach.

• Liquor allowed only in your campsite

• Fireworks are not allowed• Please do not take natural firewood or cut any trees

Important ContactsAmbulance, Fire, RCMP: 911

Conservation Officers (Park Rangers): (403) 748-3939Lacombe Hospital: (403) 782-3336

After Hours Rural RCMP: (403) 343-5591

Lakeview Permit Booth: (403) 748-4066

Brewers Permit Booth: (403) 748-1123

Campground Operator email:[email protected]

ReservationsOn-Line at:

www.reserve.albertaparks.caPhone: 1(877)537-2757

Welcome to Aspen Beach Provincial Park

Ripples Ripples ConcessionConcession

Burgers, Hot Dogs, Chicken, Fries,Onion Rings, Pop, Chips & Ice Cream

Firewood Available


EbelingDay Use Area

LakeviewCampground

Brewer’sCampground

TO:LacombeRed DeerHwy #2

Gull Lake

Aspen BeachProvincial Park

To:Bentley

89

88



(403) 748-1123


(403) 748-4066


Can You Decipher This?

grillhummingbirdjazzjuncoKraay Family [Farm]KrazeFMlynx

pelicanPiccolo [Pizza & Sub]

quizrobinSherrys[Restaurant]

silverskunkSonjasBed [& Breaklast]

UncleBensWeidners [Motors]

windsurferWriteOffzinniazone

By Colleen McNaught of Bentley

After you've found all thewords listed below (they'respelled forward or backward,vertically or horizontally - butNOT diagonally), you’ll beable to decipher what theleftover (8) letters create.

Since some letters may beused in more than one word,it's suggested that you circleletters individually

Clue: beach banquet _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

barrelbeltBentleySelect (Ag Foods)carrotcedar [waxwing]cougarevenings

4922-50 Ave LACOMBE (403) 782-3022

We Carry All Your Cabin Maintenance Supplies

Beautitone Paint, Stain & Supplies

We Also Have Many Supplies forCamping • Boating Fishing•Bo

Summer: MON-FRI 8 am-9 pm / SAT 8 am-6 pm

Come see our recent renovations!

find that happened, usually tosomeone else. I heard about a manwho went to a garage sale and, inan old trunk, found what isbelieved to be the oldest existingColonial American flag. The arti-cle didn’t say what price the manpaid for it, but I’m sure it was lessthan the $500,000 for which itwas later appraised.The most memorable garage

sale you’ll ever attend, of course,is your own. There is no knownblueprint for a garage sale. Somepeople hold them on the spur ofthe moment, while others planthem years in advance. There arepeople who have them annually,but most of us will do so onlyonce or twice. No matter how youdo yours, and no matter howpoorly or well it goes, your garagesale will be an enjoyable event.It’s not the good stuff we find

that attracts us to a garage sale.

What keeps us comingback is the joy of findingsomething at a good pricethat we didn’t know weneeded until we saw it.

That’s why, despite predictions tothe contrary, websites such aseBay have not killed garage salesand never will. The web is where you go to

find something you want. Garagesales are where you go to findsomething you didn’t know youwanted—when you want stuff tofind you. In a world where little is left

to chance anymore, garage salesremind us that, occasionally,something unexpected can stilljust fall in our lap.This is what happened with

my World Book Encyclopediapurchase. After putting the booksin the attic, I was browsingthrough a volume when I discov-ered an aged envelope tucked

between pages. Inside the enve-lope was a folded piece of station-ary with a $20 bill attached. Afaded note in a feminine handread: Dear son, I know how hard you’llfind your first year of college.That’s why dad and I bought theWorld Book Encyclopedia set. Weknow how it will help in keepingup your grades. The $20 wasdad’s idea; He remembers his col-lege days. Love, mom.That $20 gave me more than I

expected from my purchase, andI’ll cherish it. At least until we

have our next garage sale, atwhich time you’re welcome tocome by and make an offer. But remember—no early birds.

* * *Long MarriagesOn their 50th wedding

anniversary and during thebanquet celebrating it, Tom wasasked to give his friends a briefaccount of the benefits of a mar-riage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is ityou have learned from all thosewonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responded, "Well, I'velearned that marriage is the bestteacher of all. It teaches you loyal-ty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . . . and agreat many other qualities youwouldn't have needed if you'dstayed single!"

(403) 782-3626CHEVROLET

5640 Hwy 2ALacombe, AB

OPEN SATURDAYSParts & Service 9am - 2pm

Sales Dept. 9am - 5pm

Sales • Service � Rentals

SERVICE‘A LongtimeTradition’

CHEVY TRUCKS

•Complete Line of safety-checked

& reconditioned used vehicles

• Complete GM service facility & factory-trained technicians

• Sales & RentalsBusiness Hours:

MON-FRI 8am-6pmSAT 9am-5pm

AUTOMOTIVE

SEE ALSO• Uncle Ben’s RV & Auto...Pg1• Nowco Home Hardware...60




BENTLEYSEE advertisement below(403) 748-4809Curling Rink, 5218-50 St.Saturdays 1:30 pm - 4 pmMay Long Weekend to Labour Day

BLACKFALDS(403) 302-7935Blackfalds Community Hall4810 Womacks RoadThursdays 4 pm - 7:30 pmMay 29 - Sept. 25

LACOMBESEE advertisement below(403) 782-4772Michener Park, Hwy 12 acrossfrom golf courseFridays 9 am - 1 pmMay 16 - Oct. 10

PONOKA(403) 783-6776Arena Complex, Curling Rink,4310-54 StreetWednesdays 9am - 1pm May 7 - Sept. 24Stampede Markets:June 25-27 9 am-1pm

RED DEERRed Deer Public Market(403) 346-64434725-43 Street, Red Deer Curling Centre parking lot.Saturdays 8 am-12:30 pm May long weekend to Thanksgiving

RED DEER DowntownLittle Gaetz Ave.4900 Block - 50th Ave.Wed. 4-7pm June 4 - Oct. 8403-340-8696

RIMBEYSEE advertisement below(403) 843-6864 Pas-Ka-Poo ParkSaturdays 9:30am - 11:30amMay 3 - Oct. 11

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOUSE(403) 845-3629Rocky Arena Complex, 5332-50 StSaturdays 10 am - 1 pm

SYLVAN LAKESEE advertisement below(403) 887-3461Railway Park PromenadeFridays 4 pm - 7:30 pmMay 16 - Sept. 26

LacombeFarmers'Market

Fridays9 am - 1 pmMay 16 - Oct. 10

Info: (403) 782-4772

MichenerMichenerParkPark

— on Hwy #12 across from the Golf Course

[email protected]

SAT. 9:30 am - 11:30 amMay 3 - Oct. 11

INFO: Gayle (403) 843-6864

“Market at the Park” RimbeyA great reason to get up on a

Saturday morning.

Local Produce &Shopping Delights!

RIMBEYFARMER’S MARKET

PAS-KA-POO PARK

Sylvan LakeFarmers' MarketFridays4 pm - 7:30 pmMay 16 - Sept. 26

Info: Crystal Loewen (403) 887-3461

Railway ParkRailway ParkPromenadePromenadeCorner of 46 Street & 49 Ave (acrossrailway tracks from Dairy Queen)

Fresh Fruit & Veggies Crafts • Frozen Foods Baking • Concessions

Much More!

BentleyFarmers'Market

SAT. 1:30 to 4:00 pm at theBentley Curling Rink

May Long Weekend Through to Labour Day

Summer’s Magical Medley

Bedding plants, fresh produce,professional artwork,

woodcrafts,stitchery,music & more !Indoor

Outdoor

INFO: (403) 748-4809


Farmers’ Markets

We’re RV people too. We know the value of

real-world experience and straight talk. So, if you’re

looking for new or used, or exploring financing

options, come talk to an RV know-it-all.

We’re the best in the business. We have 11.5 acres

of selection, a 40,000-square-foot facility, and a

huge climate-controlled showroom.

We’ll find you the ideal unit, outfit it properly,

and make sure that everything’s one-hundred-

percent correct from the get-go. So you can go

wherever the road takes you, with no worries.

Just off the QE2 Highway in Nisku 10 minutes from Edmonton

(Look for the huge red and white sign)

(780) 955-0300, 1-800-940-8878www.trailblazerrv.com

Where the rubber

the open road

Just off the QE2 Highway in Nisku 10 minutes from Edmonton

(Look for the huge red and white sign)

(780) 955-0300 1-800940-8878www.trailblazerrv.com


Photo by Vivian Busat

Toll Free: 1-888-782-4544

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SW corner of 12 & QE2towards Bentley

SW corner of 12 & QE2towards Bentley

The staff you trust

Barb PiersonGeneral Manager

Darrel PiersonSales

Dave BarradellSales

Jaime VanNieuwkerkSales

Ray JohnstonSales

Karri-Ann Flater

SalesKevin Mueller

Tanya Savage

Experience time di�erentlywith a Fraserway Time Machine

RV SalesRV Parts

RV Service

TIME DL 1043745

Gull Lake Guide 2014

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Transcript of Gull Lake Guide 2014