Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery - September 2012

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Grief & Loss in Grief & Loss in Addiction & Recovery Addiction & Recovery Theory, Personal Awareness, Theory, Personal Awareness, Grief Reactions, & What Helps Grief Reactions, & What Helps

description

“Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery” was presented on September 25, 2012; by Janice Firn, LMSW, Clinical Social Worker, University of Michigan Hospital; Matthew Statman, LLMSW, CADC, Dawn Farm therapist and Education Series Coordinator; and Barb Smith, author of “Brent’s World” (http://compassionhearts.com.) The culture of addiction is rife with experiences of grief and loss for the person with addiction and for family and friends. The nature of these experiences combined with the stigma, shame and general lack of understanding of addiction can make grief and loss associated with addiction exceptionally lonely and difficult to heal from. This program will describe Worden's and Kubler-Ross' theories of grief and grief recovery, losses that the chemically dependent individual and his/her family experience throughout the addiction and recovery processes, and how recovery program tools can help individuals cope with grief and loss. It will include a personal account of addiction-related grief, loss and recovery from a mother who lost her son to addiction-related causes. This program is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.

Transcript of Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery - September 2012

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Grief & Loss inGrief & Loss inAddiction & RecoveryAddiction & Recovery

Theory, Personal Awareness, Theory, Personal Awareness, Grief Reactions, & What HelpsGrief Reactions, & What Helps

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OverviewOverview

Why Talk About Grief?Why Talk About Grief? Personal AwarenessPersonal Awareness Grief TheoriesGrief Theories Grief ReactionsGrief Reactions What HelpsWhat Helps

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What’s the first thing you think of when I say the word “grief”?

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““Grief”Grief”

Loss?Loss? Sadness?Sadness? Separation?Separation? Anguish?Anguish? Change?Change? Ache?Ache? Hurt?Hurt?

Stages?Stages? Tasks?Tasks? Symptoms?Symptoms? Adaptive?Adaptive? Normal?Normal? Complicated?Complicated? Pathological?Pathological?

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Grief is an…Grief is an…

EmotionalEmotional MentalMental SocialSocial SpiritualSpiritual Physical Physical

……response to lossresponse to loss

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Why talk about Grief?Why talk about Grief?

Change happens!Change happens!

To live is to experience lossTo live is to experience loss

““Little deaths”Little deaths”

““ChangeChange is is InevitableInevitable——GrowthGrowth is is Optional.Optional.” ” - Walt Disney - Walt Disney

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Why do we feel Grief?Why do we feel Grief? Attachment TheoryAttachment Theory Types of AttachmentsTypes of Attachments

Secure Secure Avoidant Avoidant Anxious Anxious AmbivalentAmbivalent

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““Working through our endings Working through our endings allows us to redefine our allows us to redefine our relationships, relationships,

to surrender what is dead and to to surrender what is dead and to accept what is alive,accept what is alive,

and to be in the world more fully to and to be in the world more fully to face the new situation.face the new situation.

- Stanley - Stanley Keleman Keleman (from Living Your Dying)(from Living Your Dying)

Why talk about Grief?Why talk about Grief?

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Personal Awareness of Grief & LossPersonal Awareness of Grief & Loss

Perception is Key Perception is Key Individual Response Individual Response Frequency of Frequency of

ExposureExposure

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Myths About GriefMyths About Grief

Myth: The pain of the loss will go away faster if you ignore it.

Myth: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Myth: Grief should last about a year.

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Facts About GriefFacts About Grief Fact:Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from

surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. Fact:Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal

reaction to loss. Showing your true feelings can help reaction to loss. Showing your true feelings can help you and others deal with the grief. you and others deal with the grief.

Fact:Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. it’s not the only one.

Fact:Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. grieving.

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Kubler-RossKubler-RossThe five stages of grief:The five stages of grief:1.1. Denial/Shock: Denial/Shock: “This can’t be happening to me.”“This can’t be happening to me.”

2.2. Anger:Anger: “ “WhyWhy is this happening? Who is to blame? is this happening? Who is to blame? What should have been done differently…”What should have been done differently…”

3.3. Bargaining:Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”will ____.”

4.4. Depression: Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”“I’m too sad to do anything.”

5.5. Acceptance:Acceptance: “I’m able to exist with what “I’m able to exist with what happened.”happened.”

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Stroebe & SchutStroebe & Schut Dual Process Model Dual Process Model Oscillating between a ‘Loss-Oscillating between a ‘Loss-

oriented’ state and a oriented’ state and a ‘Restoration-oriented’ state‘Restoration-oriented’ state

Loss-oriented:Loss-oriented: more more emotional work of griefemotional work of grief

Restoration-oriented: Restoration-oriented: more more task-focused grief worktask-focused grief work

Adaptive denial and distraction Adaptive denial and distraction from the emotional work of from the emotional work of griefgrief

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Martin & DokaMartin & Doka Grieving Styles: contrasting patterns of grieving and Grieving Styles: contrasting patterns of grieving and

mourning mourning Patterns which are not related solely to gender, but to ‘style’ Patterns which are not related solely to gender, but to ‘style’

of mourningof mourning IntuitiveIntuitive – emphasizing the experiencing and expression – emphasizing the experiencing and expression

of emotionof emotion InstrumentalInstrumental – focuses on practical matters and problem – focuses on practical matters and problem

solvingsolving These contrasting styles are poles on a spectrum or continuumThese contrasting styles are poles on a spectrum or continuum Related more to socialization and personality types than to Related more to socialization and personality types than to

gendergender

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J. William WordenJ. William Worden Physiological healing is needed to bring the Physiological healing is needed to bring the

body back into physical health – this type of body back into physical health – this type of healing takes time.healing takes time.

Similarly, after a loss it takes time to return to Similarly, after a loss it takes time to return to an emotional state of well-being. an emotional state of well-being.

The The 4 tasks 4 tasks of mourning are an essential part of mourning are an essential part of the healing process. of the healing process.

No specific order, but still must be No specific order, but still must be workedworked through during the time of grieving.through during the time of grieving.

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The 4 Tasks of MourningThe 4 Tasks of Mourning

1.1. Accept the reality of the Accept the reality of the lossloss

2.2. Experience and work Experience and work through the pain of griefthrough the pain of grief

3.3. Adjust to the new Adjust to the new “normal”; life without what “normal”; life without what was lost was lost

4.4. Emotionally relocate the Emotionally relocate the loss and move forward in loss and move forward in lifelife

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Accept the RealityAccept the Reality

To come full face with the fact that your loss is real To come full face with the fact that your loss is real and will not return, i.e. that immediate reunion or and will not return, i.e. that immediate reunion or regaining it is impossible.regaining it is impossible.

Obstacles:Obstacles: Denying the facts of loss.Denying the facts of loss. Denying the meaning of the loss, e.g. “It wasn’t a Denying the meaning of the loss, e.g. “It wasn’t a

good job anyway”, or “I don’t miss him,” or “I’m just good job anyway”, or “I don’t miss him,” or “I’m just as healthy as I ever was.” as healthy as I ever was.”

Minimizing the loss. “It’s not that big of a deal.”Minimizing the loss. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

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Experience & Work Experience & Work Through the PainThrough the Pain

It is impossible to lose something or someone you It is impossible to lose something or someone you have been deeply attached to without experiencing have been deeply attached to without experiencing some level of pain. some level of pain.

Obstacles:Obstacles: Not allowing yourself to feel.Not allowing yourself to feel. Cutting off your feelings and denying that pain is Cutting off your feelings and denying that pain is

present.present. Avoiding reminders of the loss – e.g., trying to Avoiding reminders of the loss – e.g., trying to

find a ‘geographic cure’ by moving to another find a ‘geographic cure’ by moving to another location, or travellinglocation, or travelling

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The New “Normal”The New “Normal” Coming to terms with being without (maybe raising children alone, Coming to terms with being without (maybe raising children alone,

facing future unemployment or handicap, redefinition of self, etc.). facing future unemployment or handicap, redefinition of self, etc.).

A.A. External Adjustments External Adjustments : how the loss affects your everyday : how the loss affects your everyday functioning in the worldfunctioning in the world

B.B. Internal Adjustments: Internal Adjustments: how the loss affects your sense of selfhow the loss affects your sense of selfC.C. Spiritual Adjustments: Spiritual Adjustments: how the loss affects your beliefs, how the loss affects your beliefs,

values and assumptions about the worldvalues and assumptions about the world

Obstacles:Obstacles: Promoting your own helplessness.Promoting your own helplessness. Not developing the skills you need to cope or to function in Not developing the skills you need to cope or to function in

new roles.new roles. Withdrawing from the world. Refusing to see yourself or the Withdrawing from the world. Refusing to see yourself or the

world differently.world differently.04/12/2304/12/23 Janice Firn, L.M.S.W., Clinical Janice Firn, L.M.S.W., Clinical

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Moving ForwardMoving Forward To find a place for what was lost that will enable us to remain To find a place for what was lost that will enable us to remain

connected with them/it but in a way that will not keep us from connected with them/it but in a way that will not keep us from going on with life. going on with life.

Obstacles:Obstacles: Withdrawal from others and life. Unwillingness to love.Withdrawal from others and life. Unwillingness to love. Unwillingness to risk; making a vow to never invest Unwillingness to risk; making a vow to never invest

yourself again.yourself again. Holding on so tight to the past that you’re unable to form Holding on so tight to the past that you’re unable to form

new relationships or develop new skills.new relationships or develop new skills.

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When is Grieving Over?When is Grieving Over? When a person can think of what was lost without When a person can think of what was lost without

acute pain.acute pain. When the tasks of mourning have been accomplished.When the tasks of mourning have been accomplished. When one can think of the what was lost without When one can think of the what was lost without

physical manifestations such as crying or feeling physical manifestations such as crying or feeling tightness in the chest.tightness in the chest.

When one can reinvest his/her emotions into life and When one can reinvest his/her emotions into life and the living.the living.

When one can regain an interest in life, feel more When one can regain an interest in life, feel more hopeful, experience gratification again, and adapt to hopeful, experience gratification again, and adapt to new roles.new roles.

Is there a time limit? 1 year? 4 seasons? 2 years? It Is there a time limit? 1 year? 4 seasons? 2 years? It depends.depends.

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Grieving is Necessary! Grieving is Necessary!

““Man, when he does Man, when he does not grieve, not grieve,

hardly exists.”  hardly exists.” 

- Antonio Porchia- Antonio Porchia

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Normal Grief ReactionsNormal Grief Reactions EmotionalEmotional

PhysicalPhysical

CognitiveCognitive

BehavioralBehavioral

SpiritualSpiritual

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Grief vs. DepressionGrief vs. Depression

Grief is a roller coaster. Grief is a roller coaster.

Depression is dead end.Depression is dead end.

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Tensions for FamiliesTensions for FamiliesHope Hope DespairDespairDenial Denial AcceptanceAcceptanceMeaninglessnessMeaninglessness MeaningfulnessMeaningfulnessIndependenceIndependence Accepting InterdependenceAccepting InterdependenceAmbiguityAmbiguity Certainty of OutcomeCertainty of OutcomeMaking PlansMaking Plans Experiencing EmotionsExperiencing EmotionsHolding On Holding On Letting GoLetting GoSpeaking Openly Speaking Openly Not TalkingNot TalkingFamily as it WasFamily as it Was Family as it is Becoming Family as it is Becoming

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When Grief Isn’t HealingWhen Grief Isn’t Healing

Relational FactorsRelational Factors Circumstantial FactorsCircumstantial Factors Historical FactorsHistorical Factors Personality FactorsPersonality Factors Social FactorsSocial Factors

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Chronic griefChronic grief

Delayed grief reactionsDelayed grief reactions

Avoiding grievingAvoiding grieving

When Grief Isn’t HealingWhen Grief Isn’t Healing

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GriefGrief WORK WORK

Grief therapy: goal is not about forgetting but Grief therapy: goal is not about forgetting but remembering with less pain.remembering with less pain.

Developing adaptive coping mechanisms.Developing adaptive coping mechanisms. Finding meaning. Finding meaning. AA and Al-Anon, NA and Nar-Anon = grief workAA and Al-Anon, NA and Nar-Anon = grief work

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Getting Support When Getting Support When You Are GrievingYou Are Grieving

Do not grieve alone Do not grieve alone Turn to friends and family members Turn to friends and family members Join a support group Join a support group Talk to a therapist or grief counselor Talk to a therapist or grief counselor

Face your feelings Face your feelings Express your feelings in a tangible Express your feelings in a tangible

or creative way. or creative way. Look after your physical health. Look after your physical health. Plan ahead for grief “triggers”. Plan ahead for grief “triggers”.

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Helping Someone who is GrievingHelping Someone who is Grieving

ListenListen Acknowledge the Acknowledge the

uniqueness of griefuniqueness of grief Offer practical helpOffer practical help Make contact, write a Make contact, write a

personal notepersonal note Be aware of holidays Be aware of holidays

and anniversariesand anniversaries

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““Grief heals when it is received by Grief heals when it is received by a caring other.”a caring other.”

- - Wendy LustbaderWendy Lustbader

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ResourcesResources J. William Worden, J. William Worden, Grief Counseling & Grief TherapyGrief Counseling & Grief Therapy, 2008., 2008. Judith Viorst, Judith Viorst, Necessary LossesNecessary Losses, 2002., 2002. Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, (1967). Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, (1967).

Vol. 11, pp. 213-218. Vol. 11, pp. 213-218. Lynn, J. and Harrold, J. (1999). Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious Lynn, J. and Harrold, J. (1999). Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious

Illness, p.41.Illness, p.41. Al-Anon Dist. 5, http://www.hvcn.org/info/afg5/griefloss.htmAl-Anon Dist. 5, http://www.hvcn.org/info/afg5/griefloss.htm HelpGuide.org, http://71.6.131.182/mental/grief_loss.htmHelpGuide.org, http://71.6.131.182/mental/grief_loss.htm Dennis C. Daley & G. Alan Marlatt, Dennis C. Daley & G. Alan Marlatt, Overcoming your Alcohol or Drug ProblemOvercoming your Alcohol or Drug Problem, 2006., 2006. Wolfet, A. (2009). The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner. Companion Press: Wolfet, A. (2009). The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner. Companion Press:

Colorado. Colorado. Abbot, A., Abbot, A., Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other DrugsAlcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs. NASW, 2010. . NASW, 2010. http://www.hospicenet.org Maciejewski, Zhang, Block, Prigerson, (2010) “An Empirical Examination of the Stage Maciejewski, Zhang, Block, Prigerson, (2010) “An Empirical Examination of the Stage

Theory of Grief”, JAMATheory of Grief”, JAMA Stroebe, M., & Schut, H., (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement:

rationale and description. Death Studies,197-224. Doka, K., & Martin, T. (1999). Men Don't Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes

of Grief.

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Grief and Loss in Grief and Loss in Addiction and RecoveryAddiction and Recovery

Matt Statman, LLMSW, CADC Matt Statman, LLMSW, CADC

Dawn FarmDawn Farm

Education Education

SeriesSeries

September September

20122012

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"To spare oneself from grief at all "To spare oneself from grief at all

cost can be achieved only at the cost can be achieved only at the

price of total detachment, which price of total detachment, which

excludes the ability to experience excludes the ability to experience

happiness." happiness."

Dr. Erich FrommDr. Erich Fromm

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o Unresolved grief, loss & trauma Unresolved grief, loss & trauma often predate useoften predate use

o Compounded in addictionCompounded in addictiono Complicated by useComplicated by use

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Loss in Addiction

oMinimizedoNormalizedoNumb / disassociate

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Grief in addictionGrief in addiction

o Use AOD to copeUse AOD to copeo Lack healthy support Lack healthy support o Medicate / Avoid / Minimize feelingsMedicate / Avoid / Minimize feelingso Grief not processedGrief not processedo Losses not Losses not fullyfully grieved grieved

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Examples of Losses in Addiction

o Experiences and events Experiences and events o Relationships with family/friendsRelationships with family/friendso Parenting timeParenting timeo Family milestonesFamily milestoneso DeathsDeathso TimeTimeo OpportunitiesOpportunitieso PerinatalPerinatalo SpiritualSpiritual

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Losses in moving from addiction to Losses in moving from addiction to recovery… recovery…

“What are you leaving behind?”“What are you leaving behind?”

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Loss of drug (s) …Loss of drug (s) …

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o Relationship with substance is Relationship with substance is primary primary

o Constant reminders of this loss in Constant reminders of this loss in early recoveryearly recovery

o Important loss that can easily be Important loss that can easily be minimizedminimized

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Loss of self…Loss of self…

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o Early onset - identity formed around Early onset - identity formed around AODAOD – You have to give up who you are – You have to give up who you are to become who you can beto become who you can be

o Addiction forces people to live outside Addiction forces people to live outside their values - guilt and shametheir values - guilt and shame

o Loss of hopes, plans, aspirations and Loss of hopes, plans, aspirations and dreams dreams

o Loss of innocence, dignity, self-esteem, Loss of innocence, dignity, self-esteem, choice, control of one’s body choice, control of one’s body

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Loss of rituals etc…Loss of rituals etc…

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oLoss over rituals “ The Loss over rituals “ The lifestyle”lifestyle”

oLoss of coping mechanisms Loss of coping mechanisms and survival techniques and survival techniques

oLoss of culture of addictionLoss of culture of addictionoLoss of using friends / relativesLoss of using friends / relativesoEtc…Etc…

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In early recovery In early recovery people begin to realize people begin to realize that they have lost a that they have lost a lot…lot…

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Barriers to GrievingBarriers to Grieving

o Lack of safety/ trustLack of safety/ trusto Unable to feel / identify feelings Unable to feel / identify feelings o Feelings unfreeze - feel Feelings unfreeze - feel

overwhelmingoverwhelmingo Seemingly unrelated feelings may Seemingly unrelated feelings may

arise (anger, depression, anxiety)arise (anger, depression, anxiety)o CComplicated by omplicated by guilt/shame/ guilt/shame/

stigma/ traumastigma/ trauma

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Feelings - Early Recovery Feelings - Early Recovery

o Unable to verbalizeUnable to verbalizeo Lack healthy coping skills Lack healthy coping skills o May seek relief through May seek relief through

compulsive behaviors/ other compulsive behaviors/ other addictions / relapseaddictions / relapse

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AvoidanceAvoidance

Inability or unwillingness Inability or unwillingness to grieve can be a to grieve can be a barrier to barrier to recovery/getting well/ recovery/getting well/ building relationshipsbuilding relationships

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“… “… If you're an addict on the road to If you're an addict on the road to recovery, be prepared to recovery, be prepared to experience emotions in a new way experience emotions in a new way – the good and bad; and be sure to – the good and bad; and be sure to have a plan in place to fight off the have a plan in place to fight off the cravings while you're in that cravings while you're in that vulnerable state.” vulnerable state.”

––Michael BlochMichael Bloch

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““The best therapy for grief The best therapy for grief is time and community.”is time and community.”

-Michael S. Logan-Michael S. Logan

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Recovery is a Process Recovery is a Process

Grief recovery, like addiction Grief recovery, like addiction recovery, is not a linear recovery, is not a linear processprocess

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In recovery people In recovery people acknowledge, understand, acknowledge, understand,

and accept losses and and accept losses and move through griefmove through grief

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o Safe and supportive Safe and supportive environment environment

o Community Community o Additional supportAdditional support

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Some Tasks

o Develop skills to cope with Develop skills to cope with feelingsfeelings

o Open up, identify and talk about Open up, identify and talk about losses losses

o Learn to identify feelingsLearn to identify feelingso Learn to verbalize feelingsLearn to verbalize feelingso Learn to tolerate “negative” Learn to tolerate “negative”

feelingsfeelings

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Grief recovery …Grief recovery …

o Healthy grieving enables the recovering Healthy grieving enables the recovering person to confront and accept the reality of person to confront and accept the reality of the loss, and find purpose and meaning for the loss, and find purpose and meaning for lifelife

o Losses are eventually remembered with less Losses are eventually remembered with less pain. pain.

Things will get better

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“Have You A Sufficient Substitute?”

AA Page 152

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New RitualsNew Rituals

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Recovery offers:Recovery offers:Opportunity to grieve lost Opportunity to grieve lost relationshipsrelationships, , heal old heal old ones, build new ones and ones, build new ones and make meaning of past by make meaning of past by helping othershelping others

. .

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Opportunity to connect / Opportunity to connect / reconnect with one’s spiritual reconnect with one’s spiritual self and to grow spiritually self and to grow spiritually

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The Most Satisfying Years The Most Satisfying Years of Your Existence Lie of Your Existence Lie

Ahead”Ahead”AA Page 152 AA Page 152

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What About Loved Ones?

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““The reaction to loss that is widely The reaction to loss that is widely experienced by friends and family members experienced by friends and family members of persons who are addicted to mind altering of persons who are addicted to mind altering substances is profound grief. It has substances is profound grief. It has characteristics of flawed interactional characteristics of flawed interactional patterns because the loss is ambiguous. If a patterns because the loss is ambiguous. If a person dies, the grief is unambiguous: the person dies, the grief is unambiguous: the social role the deceased played is no longer social role the deceased played is no longer occupied and the deceased cannot fulfill occupied and the deceased cannot fulfill obligations or promises. The spouse who obligations or promises. The spouse who becomes addicted to mind altering becomes addicted to mind altering substances often ceases to fulfill obligations substances often ceases to fulfill obligations or promises, but physically the social role is or promises, but physically the social role is still occupied.”still occupied.”

--Vicki Loyer-Carlson, Ph.D., LMFTVicki Loyer-Carlson, Ph.D., LMFT

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Losses may includeLosses may include

o RelationshipsRelationshipso Financial securityFinancial securityo Hopes and dreamsHopes and dreamso Self-esteemSelf-esteemo Emotional support, “presence” Emotional support, “presence” o Other important tangible and Other important tangible and

intangible thingsintangible things

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Complicated Complicated

o Painful experiences/memoriesPainful experiences/memoriesoComplex feelings (resentment, Complex feelings (resentment,

anger)anger)oStigma, secrecy , shameStigma, secrecy , shameoLoss of contact by choiceLoss of contact by choiceo IncarcerationIncarcerationoDeathDeath

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Grief feels lonely for family and Grief feels lonely for family and friends and friends and circumstances may circumstances may be especially challenging - be especially challenging - but but help, support and understanding help, support and understanding is available, ais available, and healing is nd healing is possiblepossible

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Grief recovery is hard work Grief recovery is hard work for family and friends too for family and friends too – but it is worth the effort! – but it is worth the effort!

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Grief triggersGrief triggers

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Being triggered is Being triggered is normal and OKnormal and OK

Grief recovery, like Grief recovery, like addiction recovery, is addiction recovery, is

ongoingongoing

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Triggering Events

o AnniversariesAnniversarieso National tragediesNational tragedieso Others having a similar experienceOthers having a similar experienceo Holidays Holidays o ______________________o ______________________o ______________________

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Take ActionTake Action

o Identify sources of supportIdentify sources of supporto Talk about itTalk about ito Plan ahead (more meetings, more Plan ahead (more meetings, more

social contact, more service work, social contact, more service work, more spiritual practice etc…)more spiritual practice etc…)

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Social support Social support Help from community …Help from community …

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o A safe placed to be open about A safe placed to be open about feelings and experiences, without feelings and experiences, without shameshame

o Step work helps people express grief, Step work helps people express grief, gain perspective and acceptance, gain perspective and acceptance, forgive and move on with their livesforgive and move on with their lives

o Provides opportunities to give back to Provides opportunities to give back to others and make meaningothers and make meaning

o Peer grief support groups can be Peer grief support groups can be helpfulhelpful

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Support from Support from family/friends/others …family/friends/others …

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HelpersHelpers

oIt’s ok / important to just be It’s ok / important to just be there / sit / listenthere / sit / listen

o Avoid trying to fix - It’s ok to Avoid trying to fix - It’s ok to say “This sucks!” or “I am so say “This sucks!” or “I am so sorry!”sorry!”

oIf it is out of your league refer If it is out of your league refer to professionalsto professionals

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GrieversGrievers

o Let family/friends/coworkers/others Let family/friends/coworkers/others know what you need know what you need

o Support dissipates over time - Support dissipates over time - continue to ask for supportcontinue to ask for support

o If family/friends are unavailable or If family/friends are unavailable or unsupportive (including well-unsupportive (including well-intentioned but misguided efforts to intentioned but misguided efforts to be supportive) –seek support be supportive) –seek support elsewhereelsewhere

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Spiritual supportSpiritual support

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oParticipation in faith community Participation in faith community activities/ritualsactivities/rituals

oFaith-based support groups or Faith-based support groups or prayer groups prayer groups

oPrayer, mindfulness, meditation Prayer, mindfulness, meditation oOne’s chosen spiritual practices One’s chosen spiritual practices

and ritualsand rituals

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Rituals … Rituals … Grief rituals and ceremonies acknowledge the Grief rituals and ceremonies acknowledge the pain of loss while offering social support and pain of loss while offering social support and a reaffirmation of life …a reaffirmation of life …

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Tributes …Tributes …o Creating a tribute, Creating a tribute,

legacy or memorial to legacy or memorial to honor and remember a honor and remember a loved one can provide loved one can provide comfortcomfort

o People often find People often find comfort in donating to comfort in donating to a related cause and/or a related cause and/or becoming involved in becoming involved in volunteer or service volunteer or service work, or other ways of work, or other ways of helping othershelping others

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Experiential techniques … Experiential techniques … - - experiential therapies (art, writing, experiential therapies (art, writing,

music) engage areas of the brain music) engage areas of the brain involved in grief, memory, healing, involved in grief, memory, healing, recoveryrecovery

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Self care …Self care …

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o Participation in mutual aid groups / Participation in mutual aid groups / social supportsocial support

o NutritionNutritiono ExerciseExerciseo Adequate rest and sleepAdequate rest and sleepo Activities to engage in that help with Activities to engage in that help with

healing and regaining a feeling of healing and regaining a feeling of purposepurpose

o Internet resources Internet resources o LiteratureLiterature

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Professional Help

• Complicated grief may require extra help

• Resources are available

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Barb Smith

Author of “Brent’s World”

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