GRAND CENTRAL PUBLISHINGjasonloan.net/eng107/annotations/group_Julia.pdf · Parable of the Talents*...

BOOKS BY OCTAVIA E. BUTLER

Fledgling*

Parable of the Talents*

Parable of the Sower*

Lilith's Brood* Dawn

Adulthood Rites Imago

Seed to Harvest" Wild Seed

Mind of My Mind Clay's Ark

Patternmasrer

Kindred

Snrvi-vor

Bloodchild and Other Stories

*available from Hachette Book Group

OCTAVIAE. BUTLER

PA BLE OF THE

SOWER

G -C GRAND CENTRAL

PUBLISHING

NEW YORK BOSTON

16 0 OCTAVIA E. BUTLER

the Bible is Job . l think it says more about my father's God in particular and gods in general than anything else I've ever read .

In the book of]ob, God says he made everything and he knows everything so no one has any right to question what he does with any of it. Okay. That works. That Old Testament God doesn't vi

olate the way things are now. But that God sounds a lot like Zeus-a super-powerful man, playing with his toys the way my youngest brothers play with toy soldiers. Bal.lg, bang\ Seven toys fall dead . If they're yours, you make the rules. Who cares what the toys think. Wipe out a toy's family, then give it a brand new family. Toy children, like Job's children, are interchangeable.

Maybe God is a kind of big kid, playing with his toys. If he is, what difference does it make if 700 people get killed in a hurricane-or if seven kids go to church and get dipped in a big tank

of expensive water? But what if all that is wrong? What if God is something else al-

together?

3

D D D

We do not worship God. We perceive and attend G d We learn from God.

0

·

With forethought and work We shape God. ' In the end, we yield to God We adapt and endure · For we are Earthseed ' And God is Change.

EARTHSEED: THE BOOKS OF THE LIVING

TUESDAY, JULY 30, 2024

One of the astronauts on the latest . . Something went wrong with her r Mar~ m1ss1on has been killed. team couldn't get her back t h p hotect1ve suit and the rest of her l h O t e s elter in t' p e ere in the neighb h d . ime to save her. Peo-. or oo are saymg h h

gomg t~ Mars, anyway All that mo s e ad no business space tnp when so man ney wasted on another crazy food, or shelter y people here on earth can't afford water

. '

The cost of water has . today that more water pg~;~l up agam. ~nd I heard on the news

ers are bemg killed p ddl · e ers sell


water to squatters and the street poor-and to people who've managed to hold on to their homes, but not to pay their utility bills . Peddlers are being found with their throats cut and their money and their handtrucks stolen. Dad says water now costs several times as much as gasoline. But, except for arsonists and the rich, most people have given up buying gasoline. No one l know uses a gas-powered car, truck, or cycle. Vehicles like that are rusting in driveways and being cannibalized for metal and

plastic. It's a lot harder to give up water. Fashion helps. You're supposed to be dirty now. If you're clean,

you make a target of yourself. People think you're showing off, trying to be better than they are. Among the younger kids, being clean is a great way to start a fight. Cory won't let us stay dirty here in the neighborhood , but we all have filthy clothes to wear outside the walls. Even inside, my brothers throw dirt on themselves as soon as they get away from the house. It's better than get-

ting beaten up all the time .

Tonight the last big Window Wall television in the neighborhood went dark for good. We saw the dead astronaut with all of red , rocky Mars around her. We saw a dust-dry reservoir and three dead water peddlers with their dirty-blue armbands and their beads cut halfway off. And we saw whole blocks of boarded i'l!/ buildings burning in Los Angeles. Of course, no one would was;~

water trying to put such fires out. Then the Window went dark. The sound had flickered up and

down for months, but the picture was always as promised-like

looking through a vast, open window. The Yannis family has made a business of having people in to

look through their Window. Dad says that kind of unlicensed business isn't legal, but he let us go to watch sometimes because he didn 't see any harm in it, and it helped the Yannises. A lot of small businesses are illegal, even though they don't hurt anyone,

PARABLE OF THE SOWER O 19

and they keep a household or tw . about as old as I am It o ahve. The Yannis Window is

· covers the long 1 . room. They must have h d 1 west wa 1 of their living bought it. For the past ca pl entfy of money back when they

h oup e o years th h

c arging admission-onl 1

. . ' oug , they've been

h y ettmg m peo l f

ood-and selling fru't f . . . p e rom the neighbor-1 ' rult Jmce aco b d

Whatever they had too much of in ' . rn rea ' or walnuts. to sell. They showed . f their garden, they found a way

movies rom their lib news and whatever else b d rary and let us watch

b . was roa cast The ld '

su scnbe to any of the l . . y cou n t afford to new mu t1sensor ff

dow couldn 't have received . y stu ' and their old Win-The most of 1t, anyway.

y have no reality vests no tou h . Their setup was just a pl . 11. c -nngs, and no headsets.

All h am, t in-screened Window we ave left now are three small . .

sets scattered around th . hb ' ancient, murky little TV e neig orhood 1

used for work, and radios E h ' a coup e of computers working radio A lot of . very ousehold still has at least one

· our everyday · f I wonder what Mrs v . . news is rom radio.

. . 1anms will do n H . moved m with her, and the 're . ow. er two sisters have

right. One is a pharmacist :ud t~:r~:~g s_o maybe it will be all earn much but Mrs v . er is a nurse. They don't

' . ianms owns the h f her parents ' house . ouse ree and clear. It was

All three sisters are wid twelve kids, all younger th owl s and between them they have

d . an am. Two ye

ent1st, was killed while ridin hi . ars ago, Mr. Yannis, a walled, guarded clinic h hg s electric cycle home from the

. w ere e worked M y . caught ma crossfire h ·t f . .· rs. anms says he was

' 1 rom two direcno h at close range. His b .k ns, t en shot once more

1 1 e was stolen Th l' .

ected their fee and ld ' . . e po ice mvestigated col-' cou n t fmd h ' '

that all the time Unl . h a t mg. People get killed like th . ess lt appens . f ere are never any wi·t m ront of a police station

nesses. ,

20 O OCTAVIA E. BUTLER

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3, 2024

The dead astronaut is going to be brought back to Earth. She wanted to be buried on Mars. She said that when she realized she was dying. She said Mars was the one thing she had wanted all

her life, and now she would be part of it forever. But the Secretary of Astronautics says no . He says her body

might be a contaminant. Idiot. Can he believe that any microorganism living in or on her body

would have a prayer of surviving and going native in that cold, thin, lethal ghost of an atmosphere? Maybe he can. Secretaries of Astronautics don't have to know much about science. They have to know about politics. Theirs is the youngest Cabinet department, and already it's fighting for its life. Christopher Morpeth Donner, one of the men running for President this year, has promised to abolish it if he's elected. My father agrees with Don-

ner. "Bread and circuses," my father says when there's space news on the radio . "Politicians and big corporations get the bread, and

we get the circuses." "Space could be our future," I say. I believe that. As far as I'm

concerned , space exploration and colonization are among the few things left over from the last century that can help us more than they hurt us. It's hard to get anyone to see that, though , when

there's so much suffering going on just outside our walls. Dad just looks at me and shakes his head . "You don't under-

stand ," he says. "You don't have any idea what a criminal waste of time and money that so-called space program is." He's going to vote for Donner . He's the only person I know who's going to vote at all. Most people have given up on politicians. After all, politicians have been promising to retum us to the glory, wealth, and order of the twentieth century ever since I can remember. That's what the space program is about these days, at least for politicians. Hey, we can run a space station , a station on the moon, and

PARABLE OF THE SOWER D 21

soon, a colony on Mars Th t 1 k · a proves w ' ·11 oo mg, powerful nation right7 ere su a great, forward-

Yeah. ' ·

Well we're b 1 . . ' are y a nation at all a still m space. We ha b . nyrnore, but I'm glad we'

h

ve to e gomg so 1 re t e toilet. me P ace other than down

And I'm h sorry t at astronaut will b b own chosen heaven Her e rought back from her

Sh . name was Alicia C 1·

e was a chemist I inte d ata ma Godinez Leal k d . n to remember h I h .

a m of model for me Sh er. t ink she can be preparing herself beco~ · e spent her life heading for Mars-

. ' mg an astronaut . gomg to Mars, beginning to fi· ' gettmg on a Mars crew

· · gure out how t t £ ' gmnmg to create sheltered lace o erra orm Mars, benow. . . . p s where people can live and work

Mars is a rock-cold heaven in a way We , empt~, almost airless, dead. Yet its

ld . can see it m the night k

wor , but too nearby too 1 . . s Y, a whole other h ' ' c ose withm th h w o ve made such a hell ofl" c h e reac of the people

i1e ere on Earth.

MONDAY, AUGUST 12, 2024

Mrs. Sims shot herself tod days ago, and Cory and Da! fo::t~~er, she shot herself a few crazy for a while afterward. r today Cory went a little

Poor, sanctimonious, old Mrs . front-room church every Sunda . Sims. ~he u_sed to sit in our shout out her responses· " y, lar~~~pnnt Bible in hand, and Jesus!" "A ,,, . . Yes, Lord! Hallelujah'" "Th k

men. Dunng the rest of h . an you, kets, took care of he d t e week she sewed made bas

r gar en sold wh h ' -care of pre-school chi.Id , at s e could from it took w , ren, and talk d b '

asn t as holy as she thought h e a out everyone who She wa h s e was.

s t e only person I' a whole big house to he~:1;:r known who lived alone. She

ecause she and the wife of her


only son hated each other. Her son and his family were poor, but

they wouldn't live with her . Too bad. Different people frightened her in some deep, hard, ugly way.

She didn't like the Hsu family because they were Chinese and Hispanic, and the older Chinese generation is still Buddhist. She's lived a couple of doors up from them for longer than I've been alive, but they were still from Saturn as far as she was concerned .

"Idolaters," she would call them if none of them were around . At least she cared enough about neighborly relations to do her talking about them behind their backs. They brought her peaches and figs and a length of good cotton cloth last month when she

was robbed. That robbery was Mrs. Sims's first major tragedy. Three men climbed over the neighborhood wall, cutting through the strands of barbed wire and Lazor wire on top. Lazor wire is terrible stuff. lt's so fine and sharp that it slices into the wings or feet of birds who either don't see it or see it and try to settle on it. People,

though, can always find a way over, under, or through. Everyone brought Mrs. Sims things after the robbery, in spite

of the way she is. Was. Food, clothing, money. ... We took up collections for her at church. The thieves had tied her up and left her-after one of them raped her. An old lady like that\ They grabbed all her food, her jewelry that had once belonged to her mother, her clothes, and worse of all, her supply of cash. It turns out she kept that-all of it-in a blue plastic mixing bowl high up in her kitchen cabinet. Poor, crazy old lady. She came to my father, crying and carrying on after the robbery because now she couldn't buy the extra food she needed to supplement what she grew. She couldn't pay her utility bills or her upcoming property taxes. She would be thrown out of her house into the street\ She

would starve\ Dad told her over and over that the church would never let that

happen , but she didn't believe him . She talked on and on about having to be a beggar now, while Dad and Cory tried to reassure


her . The funny thing is, she didn 't lik . gone and married "that M . e us either because Dad had h exican woman C h "

t at hard to say "Corazon" ·f h , ory-a -zan. It just isn't M 1 t ats what h

ost people just call he C you c oose to call her Co r ory or Mrs. Olamina .

ry never let on that she ft . were sugary sweet to one hwas o ended. She and Mrs. Sims

anot er A l"ttl the peace. · 1 e more hypocrisy to keep

Last week Mrs. Sims'.s son, his five kid . . and her brother's three k1·ds 11 d. d . s, his wife, her brother a 1e mah f ' The son's house had be . ouse ire-an arson fire en m an unwalled . us, closer to the footh .11 I area north and east of

i s. t wasn 't a bad ar b . Naked. One night som ea, ut lt was poor eone torched th h · vengeance fire set by som e ouse. Maybe it was a

e enemy of a fam·l some crazy just set it for fun I' h l y member or maybe

h

· ve eard the ' t at makes people want t r· res a new illegal drug

A o set ires. nyway, no one knows who did .

No one saw anything of lt to the Sims/Boyer families , course ·

And no one got out of the ho~se Od no one got out. · d, that. Eleven people, and

So about three days ago Mrs s· heard from the cops that .t' . b ims shot herself. Dad said he'd

h

1 was a out thr d ave been just two days aft h h ee ays ago. That would er s e eard ab h ,

went to see her this m . b out er sons death. Dad d ornmg ecause she . d

ay. Cory forced herself to 1 misse church yester-should. I wish she had , ;o a ong because she thought she

Th nt. 1.0 me dead b d .

ey stink, and if they're old enou , o ies are disgusting. the hem They're dead Th , gh, there are maggots. But what them when they wer~ ali ey ar~ t suffering, and if you didn't like dead? Cory gets upset Sh ve, w y get so upset about their being

living, but she tries to. shaer~~~ps honhme for sharing pain with the I be - . wit t e dead

gan wntmg this about M . . That's what's upset me Sh b r~--Sims because she killed herself yourself, you go to heUa /b eieved, like Dad, that if you km acceptance of everyth1· n hum forever. She believed in a literal

ng m t e Bible y, h . . et, w en thmgs got to be

24 D OCTAVIA E. BUTLER

too much for her, she decided to trade pain for eternal pain in the hereafter.

How could she do that? Did she really believe in anything at all? Was it all hypocrisy? Or maybe she just went crazy because her God was demand-

ing too much of her. She was no Job . In real life, how many people are?

SATURDAY, AUGUST 17, 2024

I can't get Mrs. Sims out of my mind. Somehow, she and her suicide have gotten tangled up with the astronaut and her death and her expulsion from heaven . I need to write about what I believe. I need to begin to put together the scattered verses that I've been writing about God since I was twelve. Most of them aren 't much good . They say what I need to say, but they don 't say it very well. A few are the way they should be . They press on me, too , like the two deaths. I try to hide in all the work there is to do here for the household, for my father's church , and for the school Cory keeps to teach the neighborhood kids . The truth is, I don 't care about any of those things, but they keep me

busy and make me tired , and most of the time, I sleep without dreaming. And Dad beams when people tell him how smart and industrious I am.

I love him . He's the best person I know, and I care what he

thinks. I wish I didn 't, but I do . For whatever it's worth, here's what I believe. It took me a lot

of time to understand it, then a lot more time with a dictionary and a thesaurus to say it just right-just the way it has to be. In the past year, it's gone through twenty-five or thirty lumpy, incoherent rewrites. This is the right one, the true one . This is the one

I keep coming back to:

PARABLE OF THE SOWER Q 25

God is Power-lnfinite, Irresistible, Inexorable , Indifferent. And yet, God is PliableTrickster. , Teacher. , Chaos, Clay.

God exists to be shaped God is Change. ·

This is the literal truth .

God can't be resisted or sto ed b cused. This means God . PP ' ut can be shaped and £ h Is not to be prayed p ot e person doing the p . to. rayers only help

d £ raying, and then o 1 . f h an ocus that persons resolv If h , , n y I t ey strengthen help us in our only real relati:ns~i ey ~e used that way, they can shape God and to accept and work p _with God. They help us to poses on us. God is p . with the shapes that God .

B ower, and m thee d G im-ut we can rig the gam . n , od prevails.

G d e m our own [; . f o exists to be shaped and ·11 b avor I we understand that

forethought, with or Without : . e shaped, with or without our Th t' h r mtent

a s w at I know Thats f . . Sims r some o It anywa I'

· m not some kind f . Y m not like Mrs neck d h O potential Job 1 ·

e , t en, at last eith h , ong suffering stiff almighty, or destroyed.' My ~~d ~mbl~ before an all-kno,wing Watch over me or k oesn t love me or hate m

now me at all d fi e or to:: God. My God just is. ' an I eel no love for or loyalty

Jie ybe I'll be more like Alicia ~ in something that I think L:1, ~h~ astronaut. Like her, I be-

ng people need. I don 't h yll ~ng, denying , backward-to pa ave a of It yet I d ,

ss on what I do hav , . on t even know e. Ive got to learn to do that. It

26 0 OCTAVIA £. BUTLER

scares me how many things l've got to learn. How will l learn

them? ls any of this real? Dangerous question . Sometimes l don't know the answer. l

doubt myself. l doubt what l think l know. l try to forget about it. After all, if it's real, why doesn't anyone else know about it . Everyone knows that change is inevitable. From the second law of thermodynamics to Darwinian evolution , from Buddhism's insistence

that nothing is permanent and all suffering results from our delusions of permanence to the third chapter of Ecclesiastes ("To everything there is a season .... . "), change is part of life, of existence, of the common wisdom. But l don't believe we're dealing with all that that means. We haven't even begun to deal with it.

We give lip service to acceptance, as though acceptance were enough . Then we go on to create super-people-super-parents, super-kings and queens, super-cops-to be our gods and to look after us-to stand between us and God . Yet God has been here all along , shaping us and being shaped by us in no particular way or in too many ways at once like an amoeba-or like a cancer.

Chaos. Even so, why can't l do what others have done-ignore the ob-_ vious. Live a normal life. lt 's hard enough just to do that in this

world. But this thing (This idea? Philosophy? New religion?) won't let me alone, won't let me forget it, won't let me go. Maybe .. . . Maybe it's like my sharing: One more weirdness; one more crazy,

deep-rooted delusion that l'm stuck with lam stuck with it And in time, l'll have to do something about it . ln spite of what my father will say or do to me, in spite of the poisonous rottenness outside the wall where l might be exiled, l'll have to do something

about it. That reality scares me to death .

PARABLE OF THE SOWER W O 27

EDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2024

President w-11-1 iam Turner S . h 1 pher Charles Morpeth D mlt . ost yesterday's election Ch . el

5

onner ,sour - nsto-ect. o what are we in for7 D new President-President-

as possible after his in . . onner has already said that tl h " augurat10n next h ' as soon

e t e wasteful pointles year, e 11 begin to disma g ' s, unnecess , n-rams. Near _space programs dealin a?' moon and Mars pro-

expenmentat10n will be . . g with communications d Also D pnvauzed-sold off an

, onner has a plan for . . hopes to get laws changed puttmg people back to work H , suspend " 1 · e wage, environmental and k over y restrictive" minim ployers willing to tak' hwor er protection laws for th um . h eon omeless l ose em-wit training and adequ emp oyees and provide th

Whats adequate I atedroom and board . em

b . , won er A ho ed ma shared room7 Ab . k use or apartment? A room7 A

the ground? And wha.t b arrac s bed? Space on a floor7 Sp . b a out peo l - h · ace on e seen as bad investments7 W, ~ e_ wit big families? Won't they

co · · on t lt mak m~ames to hire single people ch"ldl e much more sense for peop e with only one or two kid ,7 I l ess couples, or, at most

And what about th s . wonder . ' . ose suspended l 7 .

son, mutilate, or infect people-as l aws. Will it be legal to poi-food, water, and space to die 7 ong as you provide them with

Dad decided not to vote fo~ anyone. He said politicians tur~eodnnher after all. He didn 't vote for

1s stomach .

2025

D D D

Intelligence is ongoing, individual adaptability. Adaptations that an intelligent species may make in a single generation, other species make over many generations of selective breeding and selective dying. Yet intelligence is demanding. If it is misdirected by accident or by intent, it can foster its own orgies of breeding and dying.


4

0 0 0

A victim of God may, Through learning adaption, Become a partner of God, A victim of God may, Through forethought and planning, Become a shaper of God. Or a victim of God may, Through shortsightedness and fear, Remain God's victim, God's plaything, God's prey.


SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2025

We had a fire today People worry so much about fire, but the little kids will play with it if they can . We were lucky with this fire. Amy Dunn, three years old, managed to start it in her family's garage.

Once the fire began to crawl up the wall, Amy got scared and ran into the house . She knew she had done something bad, so she didn't tell anyone . She hid under her grandmothers bed.

Out back, the dry wood of the garage burned fast and hot.


e and rang the emergency bell on the Robin Balter saw the smok b t she's a bright little k1d-

h ' only ten u island in our street. Ro ms d , She keeps her head. If she one of my stepmother's star stu :t:~w the smoke, the fire could hadn't alerted people as soon as s

have spread. .k ve one else to see what was l heard the bell and ran out h e e i us sol couldn't miss

The Dunns live across the street rom ' wrong. the smoke. e wa it wasL supposed to . The adult

The fire plan worked t~ y . h garden hoses, shovels, wet t the fue out wit f h

men and women pu . hout hoses beat at the edges o t e towels and blankets. Those_witd. K'ds my age helped out where

h d them with ut . l . fire and smot ere new fires started by flymg em-we were needed and put out _an~th water and shovels, blankets, bers. We brought buckets to fill l t ~f us and we kept our

There were a o , k and towels of our own. l t hed the little kids and ept

ld peop e wa c eyes open. The very o f ble

nd out o trou · b k them out of the way a h d en her in the Dunn ac

d A No one a se h No one misse my. H randmother found er

thought about her. er g Yard so no one f h

, h truth out o er. f h' much later and got t e Ed . Dunn salvaged some o is.

The garage was a total loss. win uch . The grapefruit uipment, but not m .

garden and carpentry eq ch trees behind it were e and the two pea l

tree next to the garag . t survive The carrot, squash, co -

h lf-burned, too, but they m1gh . a trampled mess.

lard, and potato plants ~~r~ :he fire department. No one would Of course, no one ca e n unoccupied garage. Most

. f ·ust to save a h take on fire service ees J , £ford another big bill, anyway. T e of our households couldn t ah f was going to be hard enough water wasted on puttmg out t e ue

to pay for. oor little Amy Dunn. No one What will happen, l wonder, tohp d now and then, cleans

f "ly feeds er an , cares about her. Her am1 1·ke her Her mother Tracy

d , l her or even 1 · her up, but they on t ove She was 13 when Amy was born. is only a year older than l am.


She was 12 when her 2 7 -year-old uncle who had been raping her for years managed to make her pregnant.

Problem: Uncle Derek was a big, blond, handsome guy, funny and bright and well-liked. Tracy was, is, dull and homely, sulky and dirty-looking. Even when she's clean, she looks splotchy, dirty. Some of her problems might have come from being raped by Uncle Derek for years. Uncle Derek was Tracy's mother's youngest brother, her favorite brother, but when people realized what he had been doing, the neighborhood men got together and suggested he go live somewhere else. People didn't want him around their daughters. Irrational as usual, Tracy's mother blamed Tracy for his exile, and for her own embarrassment. Not many girls in the neighborhood have babies before they drag some boy to my father and have him unite them in holy matrimony. But there was no one to marry Tracy, and no money for prenatal care or an abortion. And poor Amy, as she grew, looked more and more like Tracy: scrawny and splotchy with sparse, stringy hair. I don't think she'll ever be pretty.

Tracy's maternal instincts didn't kick in, and I doubt that her mother Christmas Dunn has any The Dunn family has a reputation for craziness. There are sixteen of them living in the Dunn house, and at least a third are nuts. Amy isn't crazy, though. Not yet. She's neglected and lonely, and like any little kid left on her own too much, she finds ways to amuse herself.

I've never seen anyone hit Amy or curse her or anything like that.The Dunns do care what people think of them. But no one pays any attention to her, either. She spends most of her time playing alone in the dirt. She also eats the dirt and whatever she finds in it, including bugs. But not long ago, just out of curiosity, I took her to our house, sponged her off, taught her the alphabet, and showed her how to write her name. She loved it. Shes got a hungry, able little mind, and she loves attention .

Tonight I asked Cory if Amy could start school early. Cory doesn't take kids until they're five or close to five, but she said

\ I \ I I \

I I I I I

\ I

\


' she'd let Amy in if l would take charge of her . l expected that, though l don't like it. l help with the five and six year olds, any

way. I've been taking care of little kids since l was one, and I'm tired of it. l think, though, that if someone doesn't help Amy now, someday she'll do something a lot worse than burning down her

family's garage.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2025

Some cousins of old Mrs. Sims have inherited her house . They're lucky there's still a house to inherit . If it weren't for our wall , the house would have been gutted , taken over by squatters , or torched as soon as it was empty. As it was , all people did was take back things they had given to Mrs. Sims after she was robbed, and take whatever food she had in the house. No sense letting it rot. We didn 't take her furniture or her rugs or her appliances. We

could have, but we didn 't. We aren't thieves . Wardell Parrish and Rosalee Payne think otherwise. They're

both small, rust-brown, sour-looking people like Mrs. Sims. They're the children of a first cousin that Mrs. Sims had managed to keep ·contact and good relations with. He's a widower twice over, no kids, and she's been widowed once, seven kids . They're not only brother and sister, but twins . Maybe that helps them get along with each other. They damn sure won't get along with any-

one else. They're moving in today. They've been here a couple of times before to look the place over, and l guess they must have liked it better than their parents' house . They shared that with 18 other people. l was busy in the den with my class of younger school kids , so l didn't meet them until today, though I've heard Dad talking to them-heard them sit in our living room and insinuate that we had cleaned out Mrs. Sims house before they arrived.

Dad kept his temper. "You know she was robbed during the


month before she died " h . b , e said "Y, a out that-if you haven 't alrea . ~u can check with the police protected the house u' h dy Smee then the community h h · ne aven't d . as

c oose to live among us h use lt or stripped it. If you

h , you s ould d

eac other and wed ' un erstand that u ,e h 1 " ' on t steal." . vv, e p

I wouldn 't expect tered . you to say you did," Wardell Parrish mut-

His sister jumped in bef h · ore e could cusmg anyone of anyth1·ng" h 1· say more. "We're not ac-k , s e 1ed "Wi ·

new Cousin MaIJ· orie h d . . e Just wondered . ... We

ented from her mother ' ' mgs-Jewelry that she in-h . a some mce th · .

"Ch k · · · · · very valuable " ec with the polic " · · · · "Wi 11 e, my father said

e , yes, I know but ,, · "Th. · ' .. . .

is is a small communit " other here . We depend on y,hmy father said. "We all know each

eac other." There was a silence. Perha s . sage. P the twms were getting the mes-

"W ' e re not very social," War . own business " dell Parnsh said "Wie · d · mm our

Again his sister jumped in befo everythmg will be 11 . " re he could go on . 'Tm

f

. " a nght, she said 'T sure me. . . m sure we 'll get along

I didn 't like them when I h d when I met them. They look ear them. I liked them even less d , at us as tho h on t. Of course it doesn't ug we smell and they

There are other ~eople in thmatter whether I like them or not But I don't trust the Pa p e neighborhood whom I don 't like. th yne- arnshes Th k'd ·

e adults . . . . I wouldn 't want t . e l s seem all right, but even for little things. o have to depend on them. Not

Payne and Parrish Wh . at perfect names they have.


SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2025

We ran into a pack of feral dogs today. We went to the hills today for target practice-me, my father, Joanne Garfield, her cousin and boyfriend Harold-Harry-Balter, my boyfriend Curtis Talcott, his brother Michael, Aura Moss and her brother Peter. Our other adult Guardian was Joanne's father Jay. He's a good guy and a good shot . Dad likes to work with him, although sometimes there are problems. The Garfields and the Bakers are white, and the rest of us are black. That can be dangerous these days. On the street, people are expected to fear and hate everyone but their own kind, but with all of us armed and watchful, people stared, but they let us alone. Our neighborhood is too small for us to play

those kinds of games. Everything went as usual at first. The Talcotts got into an argu-ment first with each other, then with the Mosses. The Mosses are always blaming other people for whatever they do wrong, so they tend to have disputes outstanding with most of us . Peter Moss is the worst because he's always trying to be like his father, and his father is a total shit. His father has three wives. All at once, Karen, Natalie, and Zahra. They've all got kids by him, though so far, Zahra, the youngest and prettiest, only has one. Karen is the one with the marriage license, but she let him get away with bringing in first one, then another new woman into the house and calling them his wives. l guess the way things are, she didn't think she could make it on her own with three kids when he brought in Na-

talie and five by the time he found Zahra. The Mosses don't come to church. Richard Moss has put to-

gether his own religion-a combination of the Old Testament and historical West African practices. He claims that God wants men to be patriarchs, rulers and protectors of women, and fathers of as many children as possible. He's an engineer for one of the big commercial water companies, so he can afford to pick up beauti· !ul, young homeless women and live with them in polygymous


relationships. He could . k pie up twent could afford to feed the I h y women like that if he

. m. ear there's a 1 f h gomg on in other neighborh d S ot o t at kind of thing they're men by having a l t ofo s. o~e middle class men prove

l . 0 o wives m te

re auonships. Some upp 1 mporary or permanent er c ass men pro h , one wife and a lot of beautiful dis ve t ey re men by having Nasty When the girls get , posable young servant girls

pregnant if th · · h · protect them, the employer , . ' h eir nc employers won't

s wives t row th ls that the way it'.s g . b em out to starve. omg to e I wond 7 I

Large numbers of people stuck . , . h er. s that the future: · melt er Pres·d 1

version of slavery or Ri h d i ent-e ect Donner's c ar Moss'.s.

We rode our bikes to the to of Ri borhood walls past th 1 p ver Street past the last neigh-' e ast ragged 11 d stretch of broken asph 1 d , unwa e houses, past the last

a t an rag and t' k h and street poor who star . s lC s acks of squatters

h . e at us m their ho 'bl

t en higher into the hills 1 . m e, empty way and a ong a dirt road A 1 ' and walked our bikes d h · t ast we dismounted canyons that we and th own t e narrow trail into one of the

. 0 ers use for t . nght this time but w 1 arget practice. It looked all ' e a ways have to b f

canyons for a lot of things If f· e care ul. People use

f · we md corp ·

rom it for a while Dad tr · h' ses m one, we stay away · ies to s ield us fr h

world, but he can't Kn . h om w at goes on in the . . owing t at h 1 . shield ourselves. ' e a so tnes to teach us to

Most of us have practiced at home with BB targets or on squirrel and b' d guns on homemade · u targets I' d is good, but I don't like it with the .· ve one a~l that. My aim the one who insisted on 1 . buds and squirrels. Dad was · my earnmg to h h mg targets would be good f . s oot t em. He said mov-. or my aim I th · k h ll than that. I think h · m t ere was more to . e wanted to se h h it-whether shooting a b' d e w et er or not I could do

ir or a squ · 1 perempathy. me would trigger my hy-

lt didn't · . , b· , quite. I didn t like it b · , a_ ig, soft, strange ghost blow: l'k ut u_ was~ t painful. It felt like au, but with no co 1 ' i ~ gettmg hit with a huge ball of

o ness, no feelmg of wind Th bl · e ow, though


still soft, was a little harder with squirrels and sometimes rats than with birds. All three had to be killed, though. They ate our food or ruined it Tree-crops were their special victims: Peaches, plums , figs, persimmons , nuts .. .. And crops like strawberries , blackberries, grapes . . .. Whate ver we planted , if they could get at

it, they would . Birds are particular pests because they can fly in, yet! like them . l envy their ability to fly. Sometimes l get up and go out at dawn just so l can watch them without anyone scaring

them or shooting them. Now that I'm old enough to go target shooting on Saturdays, l don't intend to shoot any more birds, no matter what Dad says. Besides, just because l can shoot a bird or

a squirrel doesn't mean l could shoot a person-a thief like the ones who robbed Mrs . Sims 1 don't know whether l could do that . And if l did it , l dorit know what would happen to me .

Would. l d.ie?

It's my father's fault that we pay so much attention to guns and shooting. He carries a nine millimeter automatic pistol whenever

he \eaves the neighborhood . He carries it on his hip where people can see it . He says that discourages mistakes . Armed people do

get killed-most often in crossfires or by snipers-but unarmed

people get killed. a lot more often . Dad also has a silenced nine millimeter submachine gun . It

stays at home with Cory in case something happens there while

he's away. Both guns are German-Heckler & Koch . Dad has never said where he got the submachine gun . It's illegal, of course,

so l don't blame him. \t must have cost a hell of a lot He's only had it away from home a few times So he, Cory, and l could get the feel of it He'll do the same for the boys when they're older.

Cory has an old Smith & Wesson .38 revolver that she's good

with. She's had it since before she married Dad. She loaned that

one to me today. Ours aren't the best or the newest guns in th< neighborhood, but they all work Dad and Cory keep them in

PARABLE OF THE SOWER

good condition 1 h D 39 · ave to hel . h necessary · P wit that no A d A . time on practice and mo w. n they spend the

t neighborhood ass . . ney on ammunition adults f ociatwn meetin D · k o every household to o gs, ad used to push the

now how to use them "Kwn h weapons , maintain them d m h . now ow t ' an

ore t an once "that , o use them so well " h , . ' you re as abl d , es said · · WOAM as you are at two PM " e to efend yourself at t

At first there were f . . . a ew ne1ghb ones who said it was the ·ob ors who didn't like that-older

ytho~nger ones who worried Jtlhat othf et_hel_ plolice to protect them eir gun d ir ltt e h "ld , s, an religious c i ren would r· d

1

ones who d. d , m go:pe should need guns . This w t n t think a minister of the

The police " m f h as several years ago but th , y at er told them "ma b . ey can't protect you Th. , y e able to avenge you your children. . W,

11 · mgs are getting worse A d ' · · e , yes, there is . k · n as for

guns out of their reach while th ' ns . But you can put your row o der. That's wh t I oung, and train them as they g

1 ey re very y

a better chance of growi· a mean to do. I believe they'll h d ng up if ave pause ' stared at the peopl h you can protect them " H children " h . e, t en went on "I h · e , e said . "I will c · ave a wife and f the kn pray ,or them 11 'I tve .]i ow how to defend t!\emse! A a . I I also see to it that :'" stand between my famil ves .. nd for as long as I can Now that 's what I h y and any mtruder. " He pau d _' I

B ave to do . You all d se agam. y now there are at least two ~ what you have to do ."

:ys ~e suspects that some of the!'ns m every household . Dad tms . gun-that they wouldn't b are so well hidden-like Mrs

workmg on that e available in an em · . ergency He's

All the kids wh · o attend 5 h 1 mstruction O c oo at our house three of the n:a;,~hey've passed that and turne~\.fn handling fort g orhood adults b . t teen, two or I< . harget practice . Its a kind of . egm taking them to the hills

e1t has b nte of passa £ shootin een whining to go along wh ge or us . My brother g group together, but the ~never someone gets a

age rule 1s firm

40 O OcTAVlA E. BuTL£R

l worry about the way Keith wants to get his hands on the

guns . Dad doesn't seem to worry, but l do .

There are always a few groups of homeless people and packs of

feral dogs \iv\ng out beyond the last hillside shacks . People and dogs hunt rabbits, possums, squirrels, and each other . Both scav·

enge whatever dies. The dogs used to belong to people-<>r their ancestors did. But dogs eat meat. These days, no poor or middle class person who had an edible piece of meat would give it to a

dog. Rich people still keep dogs , either because they like them or because they use them to guard estates, enclaves, and businesses.

The rich have plenty of other security devices, but the dogs are

extra insurance. Dogs scare people . l did some shooting today, and l was leaning against a boulder,

watching others shoot, when I realized there was a dog nearby, watching me. Just one dog-male, yellow-brown, sharp-eared,

short-haired . He wasn't big enough to make a meal of me, and I still had the Smith & Wesson , so while he was looking me over, I took a good look at him . He was lean, but he didn't look starved He looked alert and curious . He sniffed the air, and I remembered that dogs were supposed to be oriented more toward scent than

sight. "Look at that," l said to Joanne Garfield who was standing

nearby. She turned, gasped, and jerked her gun up to aim at the dog. The dog vanished into the dry brush and boulders . Turning,

Joanne tried to look everywhere as though she expected to see more dogs stalking us, but there was nothing. She was shaking .

"l'm sorry," l said . "l didn't know you were afraid of them. " She drew a deep breath and looked at the place where the dog

had been . "I didn't know I was either," she whispered. "I've never been so close to one before . I . . . I wlsh I had gotten a better 1o0k

at it."


At that moment Aura M Llama automatic. ' oss screamed and fired her father 's

. I pushed away from the bould mg,,;er gun toward some rocks a:da::b~l~ned to see Aura point -

t was over there I" h . mg. other "It · s e said, her words tumbl' . was some kind of anim . mg over one an-It ~d its mouth open. It was hu :;:'1"ty yellow with big teeth.

You stupid bitch g · shouted I ' you almost shot mel" M' b . could see now that h h d . ichael Talcott

oulder . He would ha b . e a ducked down beh · d ve een m A , 1. m a see,'." to be hurt. uras me of fire, but he didn't

Put your gu n away, Aura " f lo':'., but he was angry. i could, se:~ha:ther said. He kept his voice

It was an animal " h . . , whether Aura could

d

,, , s e ms1sted "A b ' or not. aroun . · ig one. It might still b

"A I" e ura . My father raised his v .

Aura looked at hi h o1ce and hardened it.

h

m, t en seemed t 1· t an a dog to worry b o rea ize that she h d f a out. She l k d a more rowned, fumbled it safe and putoobe at the gun in her hand

"M'k 7" ' it ack h , 1

e · my father said mto er holster .

"I'm oka " · · " y, Michael Talcott said " It wasn't my fault,, A . · No thanks to her!"

· 1

, ura said ri h ima . It could have killed you' It' g ton cue . 'There was an an-

"I h. k · was sne k t m it wasJ·ust a do ,, I . a mg up on us'" g, said "Th · over here . Joanne moved and i·t . ere was one watching us

"Y, ran awa ,, ou should have killed . ,, y.

want to do? W: · . . It, Peter Moss said "Wh "Wh . _ait unul lt jumps someone " . at do you

at was It <loin 7" J . . 'Th , g. ay Garfield ask d "J . ats all," I said . "It didn't 1 . e . ust watching?"

big. I don't think it was a d ook sick or starved . It wasn't very many f anger to anyo h

"T~ t· and we're all too big." ne ere. There are too

hmg I saw was hu ,, A open!" ge, ura insisted "It h d . I . a tts mouth

Went ove t h r o er because I'd h d a a sudden thought. "It was

42 O Oc1AVIA E. Bunr.R

panting," I said. "They pant when they're hot. It doesn't mean they're angry or hungry." I hesitated, watching her. "You've never

seen one before, have you?" She shook her head . "They're bold, but they're not dangerous to a group like this

You don't have to worry." She didn't look as though she quite believed me, but she

seemed to relax a little The Moss girls were both bullied and shel

tered. They were almost never allowed to leave the walls of the neighborhood. They were educated at home by their mothers ac·

cording to the religion their father had assembled, and they were warned away from the sin and contamination of the rest of the

world . I'm surprised that Aura was allowed to come to us for gun handling instruction and target practice. l hope it will be good for

her-and l hope the rest of us will survive. "All of you stay where you are," Dad said. He glanced at Jay

Garfield, then went a short way up among the rocks and scrub oaks to see whether Aura had shot anything. He kept his gun in his hand and the safety off. He was out of our sight for no more

than a minute . He came back with a look on his face that l couldn't read "Put

your guns away," he said. "We're going home ."

"Did l kill it?" Aura demanded . "No. Get your bikes." He and Jay Garfield whispered together

for a moment, and Jay Garfteld sighed. Joanne and l watched

them, wondering, knowing we wouldn't hear anything from them

until they were ready to tell us. "This is not about a dead dog," Harold Balter said behind us

Joanne moved back to stand beside him. "It's about either a dog pack or a human pack," I said, "or

maybe it's a corpse ." It was , as I found out later, a family of corpses: A woman , a \it· tie boy of about four years, and a just -bom infant, all partly eaten


But Dad didn 't t 11 D 43 e me that until w we knew was that h e got home. At the c "If h e was upset. anyon, all

t ere were a corpse ar Harry said ound here, we would h " · ave smelled it ,,

N t ·f · ' o i it were fresh " I Joanne looked ' countered.

that I at me and sighed the wa h , wonder where we'll h . y er father sighs "If i ' there'll be a next time." gos ootmg next time. 1 wonder wh:~

Peter Moss and the -r 1 ia cott broth h ment over whose fault it was th t A ers ad gotten into an argu-and Dad had to break it u Th a ura had almost shot Michael that she was all r' h p. en Dad checked with A , h ig t. He said a few th· ura to see

ear, and I saw a tear slide down h mgs to her that I couldn't ways has. er face. She cries easily She al-

Dad walked away from her . path. out of the canyon. We ~~~king harassed. He led us up the lookmg around ,u ked our bikes and 11 . vve could see no ' we a kept nearby We were being watched w that there were other do s

br~';;ht up the rear, guarding our b:C/ big pack. Jay Garlief d

e said we should stick to ,, s. see: me looking back at her ra!ethe,, Joanne told me . She had

You and P" er.

"Yeah, and Har H . " d ry. e said we should 1 I on't think these dogs a . ook out for one another "

to attack . re stupid enou h . . us m daylight. They'll f g or hungry enough tomght." go a ter some lone t ~ s=~moo

ut up, for godsake " Th . e road was narrow oin have been a bad g g up and out of the can

tn

. place to have to r· h yon. It would P and st ff ig t off do s off ep o the crumbling ed gs. omeone could

sev!:i edge by a dog or by one !;~!o;eone could be knocked hundred feet. . hat would mean fallin

Down belo g w, I could hear dogs fightin g now. We may have


been close to their dens or whatever they lived in . l thought

maybe we were just close to what they were feeding on . "lf they come," my father said in a quiet, even voice , "Freeze,

aim, and fire. That will save you. Nothing else will. Freeze, aim,

and fire . Keep your eyes open and stay calm." I replayed the words in my mind as we went up the switch-

backs . No doubt Dad wanted us to replay them. l could see that

Aura was still leaking tears and smearing and streaking her face

with dirt like a little kid. She was too wrapped up in her own mis-

ery and fear to be of much use. ' We got almost to the top before anything happened . We were

beginning to relax , l thlnk . l hadn 't seen a dog for a while. Then,

from the front of our line, we heard three shots . We all froze, most of us unable to see what had happened . "Keep moving, " my father called. "lt's all right. lt was JUSt one

dog getting too close ." "Are you okay?" l called . "Yes," he said. "Just come on and keep your eyes open ." One by one, we came abreast of the dog that had been shot and

walked past it. It was a bigger, grayer animal than the one l had seen. There was a beauty to it. lt looked like pictures l had seen.

of wolves . lt was wedged against a hanging boulder just a few

steps up the steep canyon wall from us .

lt moved . l saw its bloody wounds as it twisted . l bit my tongue as the

pain I knew it must [eel became my pain. What to do? Keep walk

ing? I couldn't. One more step and I would fall and lie in the din ,

helpless against the pain . Or l might fall into the canyon .

"It's still alive," Joanne said behind me. "It's moving. " lts forefeet were making little running motions, its claws scrap·

ing against the rock. l thought l would throw up . My belly hurt more and more

until l felt skewered througlt the middle. l leaned on my bike with


my left arm w· D 45 · · 1th my right hand aimed, and shot th b . , I drew the Smith & n, e eautiful d h vvesson

I felt the impact of th b 11 og t rough its head . , b d e u et as a h d l" . eyon pain . Then I felt the do d ' ar , so id blow-something its body 1 h g re. I saw itJ·e k h d ong, t en freeze. I saw it d. If . r , s u der , stretch a match in a sudden vanishin of ie. elt rt die. It went out like out. I went a littl b g pam . Its life flared up th 1 d e num . Without the b 'k , en went apse . i e, I would have col-

People had crowded close before before I could see them 1 1 and behind me . I heard th

"I , c ear y em ts dead " I h d · "What'?"~ f ehar Joanne say "Poor thing."

. y at er demanded "A I managed to f . · nother one?"

. ocus on him He chff-edge of the road to h . must have skirted close to th he must have run. ave gotten all the way back to us. An~

"The same one " 1 . d , sai manaain dead. We saw it mo . ,, ' 0

• g to straighten up "It , " vmg . · wasnt

I put three bullets into it ,, h ·a "It . , e sa1

was movm R · . g, everend Olamina ,, . suffenng. If Lauren had , . , Joanne insisted "It to." n t shot It, someone else would have =~

Dad sighed «m l . vve 1, it isn 't suff erin : hen he seemed to realize what g now. LetS get out o[ here ." Are you all right? " Joanne had said. He looked at me

I nodded . I don't know how I 1 k . me as though I looked odd s I oo ed. No one was reacting to

what I had gone through . I thi:k o:tst not have shown much of a_ndjoanne had seen me shoot th d y Harry Balter, Curtis Talcott tis grinned at me He 1 d e og. I looked at them and C ,

. · eane agai h ' . ur-; : uon, he drew an imaginar u:st IS bike and in a slow, lazy

g, and fired an im . y g , took careful aim at th d d •p , agmary shot. e ea

ow, he said 'J 1. Pow!" . ust ike she does stuff 1·k h "L , i e t at every day

ets go ,, M · Y father said


h ·n We left the canyon and

k . the pat aga1 -We began wal mg up Th re were no more dogs.

d t the street. e h d l made our way own o. still not quite free of t e og

l walked, then rode m a daze, l h d not died . l had felt its f l · d. and yet a d

had killed . l had e t it ie , . l had felt its life flare an pain as though it were a_human bemg.

t and l was still ahve. go OU,

Pow.

5

D D D

Belief Initiates and guides actionOr it does nothing.


SUNDAY, MARCH 2, 2025

It's raining. We heard last night on the radio that there was a storm sweep

ing in from the Pacific, but most people didn't believe it. "We'll have wind, " Cory said. "Wind and maybe a few drops of rain, or maybe just a little cool weather. That would be welcome . It's all we'll get."

That's all there has been for six years. I can remember the rain six years ago, water swirling around the back porch, not high enough to come into the house , but high enough to attract my brothers who wanted to play in it.Cory, forever worried about infection, wouldn't let them. She said they'd be splashing around in a soup of all the waste-water germs we'd been watering our gardens with for years. Maybe she was right , but kids all over the neighborhood covered themselves with mud and earthworms that day, and nothing terrible happened to them .

But that storm was almost tropical-a quick, hard , warm , Sep-


tember rain, the edge of a hurricane that hit Mexico's Pacific coast.

This is a colder, winter storm . It began this morning as people

were coming to church. In the choir we sang rousing old hymns accompanied by Cory's

piano playing and lightning and thunder from outside. It was wonderful. Some people missed part of the sermon, though, be

cause they went home to put out all the barrels, buckets, tubs,

and pots they could find to catch the free water. Other went home to put pots and buckets inside where there were leaks in the roof.

I can't remember when any of us have had a roof repaired by a

professional We all have Spanish tile roofs, and that's good. A tile roof is, I suspect , more secure and lasting than wood or asphalt

shingles. But time, wind, and earthquakes have taken a toll. Tree

limbs have done some damage, too . Yet no one has extra money for anything as nonessential as roof repair. At best, some of the neighborhood men go up with whatever materials they can scav

enge and create makeshift patches . No one's even done that for a while . If it only rains once every six or seven years, why bother?

Our roof is all right so far, and the barrels and things we put

out after services this morning are full or filling. Good, clean, free

water from the sky. If only it came more often.

MONDAY, MARCH 3, 2025

Still raining . No thunder today, though there was some last night. Steady

drizzle, and occasional, heavy showers all day. All day. So differ

ent and beautiful. I've never felt so overwhelmed by water. I went

out and walked in the rain until I was soaked. Cory didn't want

me to , but I did it anyway. It was so wonderful. How can she not

understand that? It was so incredible and wonderful.


TUESDAY, MARCH 4, 2025

Amy Dunn is dead. Three years old, unloved and d d

able or even possible She c, ld ea . That doesn't seem reason-thirty. I taught her . She so ou hrlead simple words and count to

k muc oved gett"

stuc to me during school h mg attention that she ours and drov

me to go to the bathroom with h e me crazy. Didn't want Dead. out er.

I had gotten to like her even th Today I walked h h , ough she was a pest.

er ome after cla 1 h d of walking her home because th ss. a gotten into the habit her. e Dunns wouldn 't send anyone for

"She knows the way,, Ch . .

h , nstmas said "J d get ere all right.,, · US

t sen her over. She'll

I didn't doubt that she could have Sh street, and across the center island . e could look across the but Amy had a tendency to d , and see her house from ours

t h

wan er Sent ho l , ge t ere or she might . d . · me a one, she might

· wm up m the M or m the Moss rabbit ho . ontoya garden, grazing

lk d h use, trymg to let th b ,

wa e er across gl d r e ra bits out. s I , a ior an excuse to . o Amy loved it too and w 1· get out m the rain again

d ' ' e mgered for · avoca o tree on the island Th a moment under the big back end of the island and. I ~rek wdas a navel orange tree at the £ A ' pie e a p · f . or my and one for me I p l d b air o npe oranges-one

h'l · ee e oth of th w i e the rain plastered A , em, and we ate them he~d and made her look ba:ys scant colorless hair against her

" took her to her door and left her . You didn't have to get h m the care of her mother "M' h er so wet " Tra 1 · ig t as well enJ·oy th . ' cy comp ained.

them e ram while it lasts " I ·d · ' sai , and I left

I saw Tracy take Am . somehow Amy wound ~ :~si!e house and shut the door. Yet

gate, just opposite the Garfield/B arm, wound up near the front a ter/Dory house. Jay Garfield

50 D OcTAVIA E. BuTLER

found her there when he came out to investigate what he thought was another bundle that someone had thrown over the gate. People toss us things sometimes- gifts of envy and hate : A maggoty, dead animal, a bag of shit, even an occasional severed human limb or a dead child . Dead adults have been left lying just beyond

our wall. But these were all outsiders . Amy was one of us . Someone shot Amy right through the metal gate. lt had to be

an accidental hit because you can't see through our gate from the outside . The shooter either fired at someone who was in front of the gate or fired at the gate itself, at the neighborhood, at us and our supposed wealth and privilege. Most bullets wouldn't have gotten through the gate. \tS supposed to be bulletproof. But itS been penetrated a couple of times before , high up, near the top . Now we have six new bullet holes in the lower portion-six holes and a seventh dent , a long , smooth gauge where a bullet had

glanced off without breaking through. We hear so much gunfire, day and night , single shots and odd

bursts of automatic weapons fire, even occasional blasts from heavy artillery or explosions from grenades or bigger bombs . We

'worry most about those last things , but they're rare . lt 's harder to steal big weapons, and not many people around here can afford to buy the illegal ones- or that's what Dad says. The thing is, we hear gunfire so much that we don't hear it. A couple of the Balter kids said they heard shooting, but as usual , they paid no attention to it. lt was outside, beyond the wall , after all. Most of us heard

nothing except the rain . Amy was going to turn four in a couple of weeks . I had

planned to give her a little party with my kinclergarmers.

God, l hate this place. l mean, l love it. lt's home. These are my people. But l hate it.

lt's like an island surrounded by sharks-except that sharks don't bother you unless you go in the water. But our land sharks are on their way in . lt 's just a matter of how long it takes for them to get

hungry enough .


WEDNESDAY, MARCH 5, 2025

I walked in the rain again this mornin Amy has already been er d g. It was cold, but good.

1. d emate · I wonder ·f h ieve . She doesn't look 1· 1 er mother is re-h . re ieved. She never l'k d

s e cnes . I don't think she's fakin T _ 1 e Amy, but now it could not afford to get h lg. he family has spent money

k·11 t e po ice mvolv d 1

er. I suspect that th 1

e to try to find the e on Y good this will d .11

away the people who liv h . 0

Wl be to chase e on t e sidewalks d our wall. Is that good7 Th an streets nearest to

, · e street poor ·ll b b wont love us for sicking th Wl e ack, and they e cops on the I , ·11 on the street the way th d m. ts

1 egal to camp out

kn

ey o- the way the ock them around rob th . f h Y must- so the cops

. , em 1 t ey ha h. mg, then order them awa . .

1 ve anyt mg worth steal-

y or Jal them Th . made even more miserabl N f · e miserable will be

h

e. one o that can h 1 A t ough, that it will make the Dunns D e p my. I suppose, treated her. eel better about the way they

On Saturday Dad wi'll h ' preac Am ' f have to be there. Funeral h ys uneral. I wish I didn 't

s ave never both d one does. ere me before, but this

"You cared about Amy" J . complained to her. We h 'd loannhe Garfield said to me when I

b d a unc together t d

e room because it's st1·11 . . o ay. We ate in my rammg off and d house was full of all the k .d· h on, an the rest of the

1 s w o hadn 't h But my room is still mine It' th gone ome to eat lunch.

· s e one plac · h can go and not be follo d b e m t e world where I only person I know hweh y anyone I don't invite in. I'm the

w o as a bed h even Dad and Cory k k b f room to erself. These days

noc e ore the ' of the best things about b . h y open my door. Thats one have to kick my broth emgft e only daughter in the family. I k ers out o here all th . tck them out. Joanne is an onl h 'ld e time, but at least I can

three younger girl . y c 1 ' but she shares a room with . cousms-whmy L. 1

~omplaming; smart , i 1 R . . isa, a ways demanding and invisible Jessica who g ~- y obm with her near-genius l.Q .; and

w ispers and stares at her feet and cries if


you give her a dirty look. All three are Balters-Harry's sisters and the children of Joanne's mothers sister. The two adult sisters, their husbands, their eight children , and their parents Mr. and Mrs. Dory are all squeezed into one five-bedroom house . It isn't the most crowded house in the neighborhood, but I'm glad I don't have to live like that.

"Almost no one cared about Amy," Joanne said. "But you did." "After. the fire, I did, " I said. "I got scared for her then . Before

that, I ignored her like everyone else." "So now you're feeling guilty?" "No .,,

"Yes, you are." I looked at her , surprised . "I mean it. No. I hate that she's dead,

and I miss her, but I didn 't cause her death . I just can't deny what all this says about us ."

"What?" I felt on the verge of talking to her about things I hadn't talked

about before. I'd written about them . Sometimes I write to keep from going crazy There's a world of things I don't feel free to talk to anyone about.

But Joanne is a friend. She knows me better than most people , and she has a brain . Why not talk to her? Sooner or later, I have to talk to someone .

"What 's wrong?" she asked . She had opened a plastic container of bean salad. Now she put it down on my night table.

"Don't you ever wonder if maybe Amy and Mrs. Sims are the lucky ones?" I asked . "I mean , don 't you ever wonder whats going to happen to the rest of us?"

There was a clap of dull, muffled thunder, and a sudden heavy shower . Radio weather reports say today's rain will be the last of

the four-day series of storms . I hope not. "Sure I think about it," Joanne said. "With people shooting lit

tle kids, how can I not think about it?"

PARABLE OF THE. SOWER ~ 0 ~

eople have been killin I. . Pie " I ·d g utle kids since th ' b , sa1 . ere ve een peo-

"N ot in here the h , "Yi h , . , . y aven t. Not until now"

es, t ats It, isn't it Wi . "Wh · e got a wake u II " at are you talking about?" - p ca . Another one." Amy was the first of us b .

last " to e killed like that Sh · · e won 't be the

Joanne sighed d h ' an t ere was a littI h

you think so, too." e s udder in the sigh. "So

"I do. But I didn't kn "Rape, robbery, d ow you thought about it at all."

' an now murder Of Everyone thinks about it. Eve . . course I think about it. of here " ryone worries. I wish I could

· ~tout ,:'Where would you go?" Thats it isn't it' Th ,

"Th '. . eres nowhere to go" ere might be." ·

"Not if you don't have take care of babies and co:i~ey Not if all you know how to do is

I shook my head "v kn . rou ow m h "Maybe, but none f. uc more than that. "

0 It matters I w , b I won't be able to get a 1·ob . on t e able to afford college

or move out f · cause no job I could get wo Id o my parents' house be-places to move. Hell m u support me and there are no safe ents " ' y parents are still living . h h .

. Wit t e1r par-"I know," I said. "And as bad . "Who needs more, Th . , as that is, theres more ."

· ats enough!" Sh b salad. It looked good, but I thou h . . e egan to eat the bean her. g t I might be about to ruin it for

''Th . . eres cholera spreadin . lou1s1ana," I said. "I heard b g ~n southern Mississippi and are too a out It on the radio

many poor people-illitera . yesterday There decent sanitation or dean te, Jobless, homeless without th b water. They h 1 '

ere, ut a lot of it is pollut d A d ave p enty of water down Inakes p I e · n you kno h

eop e want to set fires?" w t at drug that

54 a OcTAVIA E. BunER

She nodded, chewing . "lt's spreading again. lt was on the east coast. Now it's in

Chicago . The reports say that it makes watching a fire better than sex. l don't know whether the reporters are condemning it or advertising it." l drew a deep breath . "Tornadoes are smashing hell out of Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, and two or three other states . Three hundred people dead so far. And there's a blizzard freezing the northern midwest, killing even more people . ln New York and New Jersey, a measles epidemic is killing people .

Measles\" "l heard about the measles," Joanne said . "Strange. Even if peo-

ple can't afford immunizations, measles shouldn't kill ." "Those people are half dead already," l told her . "They've come

through the winter cold , hungry, already sick with other diseases. And , no, of course they can't afford immunizations. We're lucky our parents found the money to pay for all our immunizations. If we have kids, l don't see how we'll be able to do even that for

them ." "l know, l know." She sounded almost bored . "Things are bad . My mother is hoping this new guy, President Donner, will start to

get us back to normal. " "Normal," l muttered . "l wonder what that is . Do you agree

with your mother?" "No. Donner hasn't got a chance. l think he would fix things if

he could, but Harry says his ideas are scary. Harry says he'll set

the country back a hundred years." "My father says something like that. l'm surprised that Harry

agrees." "He would . His own father thinks Donner is God. Harry

wouldn 't agree with him on anything. " l laughed, distracted, thinking about Harry's battles with his

father. Neighborhood fireworks-plenty of flash, but no real fire. "Why do you want to talk about this stuff," Joanne asked,

bringing me back to the real ftre. "We can't do anything about it."


"We have to." "H ave to what:> We' ff "Wi . re 1 teen! What can we do:>"

e can get ready. Thats what we' . for what's going to happ ve got to do now. Get ready

k en, get ready t ·

ma e a life afterward . Get f d o survive it, get ready to ocuse on arra .

we can do more than just get batted ar ngmg to survive so that perate people, thugs and 1 d ound by crazy people, desdoing!" , ea ers who don 't know what they're

She just stared at me "I d ' k I

. on t now what , was rolling-too fast b " , you re talking about. "

h. ' may e. Im talki b .

t 1s cul-de-sac with ll . ng a out this place Jo . a wa around 1t I' lk ' , big gang of those hungry d . m ta mg about the day a

, esperate craz 1 to come in. I'm talking b ' Y peop e outside decide

a out what we' happens so that we can su . d ve got to do before that

d

rvive an rebuild an escape to be somethin h -or at least survive

"S , . g ot er than beggars ,, " omeo~es gomg to just smash in . More likely bl · d our wall and come in:>"

aSt it own, or blast th , · happen some day. You kn h e gate open . Its going to

"Oh no Id , " ow t at as well as I do ." , on t, she protested She sat .

her lunch forgotten for th . up straight, almost stiff e moment I b · · . , bread that was full of dri d f . · It mto a piece of acorn

b

e rmt and nuts It' £ ut I managed to chew and 11 . . s a avorite of mine

"Jo, we're in for trouble ;w~ ow wtthout tasting it. , "Sure," she said "M . hou ve already admitted that."

. ore s ootmgs b I meant." ' more reak-ins . That's what

"And that's what will ha en fo . how long. We'll be hit and tft and~~ while. I wish I could guess And if we're not ready for it it ·n ~t, ten th~ big hit will come.

She held herself . . d , . ':11 e ikeJencho ." ngi reJectm "Y,

can't read the future No , g. ou don't know that! You " · one can" · You can " I ·d «·f . ' sa1 ' 1 you want to It'

past the fear, it's easy. In LA . s scary, but once you get str?nger than this one J·us.t . so1,11ehwalled communities bigger and rum aren t t ere any N s, rats, and squatters Wh h more. othing left but

. at appened to them can happen to

56 O OcTAVlA E. BuTLER

b now and work out ways us . We'll die in here unless we get usy

· " w rn them to survive . h d 't you tell your parents . a

"lf you think that, ~ Y on

and see what they say. . k f way to do it that will reach s l thm O a f h "l intend to as soon a d k w l think my at er

h k hey alrea y no . them. Besides . .. l t m t f h d lts know. They don't want to does , anyway. l think most o t ea u

know, but they do ." . ht about Donner . He really could do "My mother could be ng

some good." , . k d of human banister ." "No. No, Donners 3ust a m

"A what?" . b l of the past for us to hold on "l mean he's like .. . hke a sym o H , thing . No substance .

. h future es no to as we're pushed mto t e . . -and-a-half-century-long

. h latest m a two h But having him there, t e l feel that the country, t e line of American Presidents ma~e p_ellophe:e-that we'll get through

w up with is sn culture that they gre 1 ,, d back to norma · ·11 " N these bad times an . h l thi·nk someday we wi . o,

,, ·d "We mig t. "We could she sai · h ·ng but the most su-, b . ht to take anyt i . she didn't. She was too ngd . l But even superficial comfort is

f t from her ema . perficial com or 1 tried another tactic. ?"

better than none , l guess. t bubonic plague in medieval Europe. "Did you ever read abou

l asked . lot the way l do, reads all kinds of She nodded . She reads a d ulated " she said. "Some

h. "A lot of the continent was epop , nd"

t mgs. ld was coming to an e . survivors thought the wor d . n't they also realized there

h lize it was , d "Yes, but once t ey rea . le for the taking, and if they ha a

was a lot of vacant land avail;: d and better pay for their work

trade they realized they cou em . " , d f th survivors.

A lot of things change or e . ?" l w

"What's your pomt. t They were s 0

h ht for a momen . it "The changes ." l t oug h . ht happen here , but

h ·ng t at mig changes compared to anyt l


took a plague to make some of the people realize that things could change."

"So?" "Things are changing now, too. Our adults haven't been wiped

out by a plague so they're still anchored in the past, waiting for the good old days to come back. But things have changed a lot, and they'll change more. Things are always changing . This is just one of the big jumps instead of the little step-by-step changes that are easier to take. People have changed the climate of the world . Now they're waiting for the old days to come back."

"Your father says he doesn't believe people changed the climate in spite of what scientists say He says only God could change the world in such an important way "

"Do you believe him?" She opened her mouth, looked at me, then closed it again.

After a while , she said, "I don 't know." "My father has his blind spots ," I said. "He's the best person I

know, but even he has blind spots ." "It doesn 't make any difference," she said. "We can't make the

climate change back, no matter why it changed in the first place. You and I can't. The neighborhood can't. We can't do anything ."

I lost patience. "Then let:; kill ourselves now and be done with it!"

She frowned , her round , too serious face almost angry She tore bits of peel from a small navel orange. "What then?" she demanded. "What can we do?"

I put the last bite of my acorn bread down and went around her to my night table. I took several books from the deep bottom drawer and showed them to her. "This is what I've been doingreading and studying these over the past few months . These books are old like all the books in this house. I've also been using Dads computer when he lets me-to get new stuff."

Frowning, she looked them over. Three books on survival in the Wilderness, three on guns and shooting, two each on handling


medical emergencies, California native and naturalized plants and their uses, and basic living: logcabin-building, livestock raising, plant cultivation, soap making-that kind of thing. Joanne caught

on at once. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Trying to learn to live off the

land?" "l'm trying to learn whatever l can that might help me survive out there. l think we should all study books like these. l think we should bury money and other necessities in the ground where thieves won't find them. l think we should make emergency packs-grab and run packs-in case we have to get out of here in a hurry. Money, food, clothing, matches, a blanket . ... l think we should fix places outside where we can meet in case we get separated. Hell, l think a lot of things. And l know-1 know\-that no matter how many things l think of, they won't be enough . Every time l go outside, l try to imagine what it might be like to live out there without walls, and l realize l don 't know anything."

"Then why- " "l intend to survive." She just stared. "l mean to learn everything l can while l can," l said. "lf l find

myself outside, maybe what I've learned will help me live long

enough to learn more." She gave me a nervous smile. "You've been reading too many

adventure stories," she said. l frowned. How could l reach her. "This isn't a joke, Jo." "What is it then?" She ate the last section of her orange. "What

do you want me to say?" "l want you to be serious. l realize l don't know very much.

None of us knows very much. But we can all learn more. Then we can teach one another We can stop denying reality or hoping it

will go away by magic." "That's not what l'm doing ." l looked out for a moment at the rain, calming myself.


"Okay Ok h D 59 Sh ay, w at are you doing7"

e looked uncomfortable " , .. anything.,, . I m still not sure we can reall do

"J I" y 0.

"Tell me what I can do that w , everyone think I'm crazy Just tell on t get me. in trouble or make

At last "H me somethmg " . ave you read all f . .

"Some of them N your am1ly's books?" ' . ot all. They aren't 11

aren t going to save us.,, a worth reading. Book " s

Nothing is · gomg to save us If we d ' dead. Now use your imaginat' . on t save ourselves we're ·1 b k h ion. Is there anyth· ' 1 y oo s elves that might h 1 . mg on your fam-

"N ,, e P you 1f you o. were stuck outside?"

"You answer too fast Go h . . ome and look . use yournnagination . Any kind of . agam. And like I said, cyclopedias, biographies a h' survival mformation from en the land and defend ou~ ~yt mg that helps you learn to live o~ ful.,, e ves. Even some fiction might b e use-

She gave me ·d 1 " . a s1 e ong glance ''I'll b ,, Jo, 1f you never need th' . f. et, she said.

h 15 m ormat' . arm. You'll just know a littl 10n, lt won't do you any

By th e more than you d 'd b f e way, do you take notes h l e ore. So what?

Guarded look "S . w en you read?" " · ometimes." Read this.,, I handed h b er one of the 1 b

a out California Indians th 1 pant ooks. This one was them · ' e P ants they used d h

. -an mteresting, entertainin li 1 , an ow they used pnsed. There was nothing . . g tt e book. She would be sur-push h m 1t to scare h h er. I thought I had 1 d er or t reaten her or

'Take notes," I told h a"rea ,Y done enough of that. "I ·1 er. You 11 reme b b st1 1 don't believe ,, . m er etter if you do ,,

had you, she said "Th. · as you say they are.,, . mgs don't have to be as

1 put the b k · •p oo mto her hands "H ay special attention to th 1 . ang on to your notes," I said e p ants that grow between here and

60 0 OCTAVlA E. BUTLER

the coast and between here and Oregon along the coast. I've

marked them." ,, "l said l don't believe you.

"l don't care." h r hands over the black d t the book, ran e . .

She looked own a l n to eat grass and hve m b. d. "So we ear

cloth-and-cardboard m mg.

the bu shes " she muttered. d book Take care of it. , . " said "It's a goo .

"We learn to survive, l . . b k "

k how my father is about his oo s. You now

THURSDAY, MARCH 6, 2025

the north side of the house, d M windows are on

The rain stoppe · Y . u They're being blown over and l can see the clouds breaking Spu.rprising how fast they can

. d the desert. f the mountains towar ld now. It might cost us a ew

The wind is strong and co move. trees. . will be before we see rain again.

l wonder how many years it

6

D D D

Drowning people Sometimes die Fighting their rescuers.


SATURDAY, MARCH 8, 2025

Joanne told . She told her mother who told her father who told my father

who had one of those serious talks with me. Damn her. Damn her! I saw her today at the service we had for Amy and yesterday at

school. She didn't say a word about what she had done . It turns out she told her mother on Thursday Maybe it was supposed to be a secret between them or something. But, oh, Phillida Garfield was so concerned for me, so worried. And she didn't like my scaring Joanne. Was Joanne scared? Not scared enough to use her brain, it seems. Joanne always seemed so sensible. Did she think getting me into trouble would make the danger go away? No, that's not it. This is just more denial: A dumb little game of "If we don't talk about bad things, maybe they won't happen." Idiot! I'll never be able to tell her anything important again.

What if I'd been more open . What if I'd talked religion with

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