Good Grief Work

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech thee, a sheep of

thine own fold, a lamb of thine own redeeming.

Grieving in Hope

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech thee, a sheep of

thine own fold, a lamb of thine own redeeming.

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Greetings

May this booklet be a help in your moving through the hard work of grief that follows the death of a loved one. It comes with a prayer that you will know God’s love, deep within your core, as you pray and weep and give thanks to God for the life of your beloved who is now in the nearer presence of God. This booklet was developed by the Health Ministry of Trinity Episcopal Church in Sutter Creek, CA, and is distributed through National Episcopal Health Ministries.

Give rest, O Christ, to thy servant(s) with thy saints, where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting.

Thou only art immortal, the creator and maker of mankind; and we are mortal, formed of the earth, and unto earth shall we return. For so thou didst ordain when thou createdst me, saying, “Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” All

we go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Give rest, O Christ, to thy servant(s) with thy saints,

where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but life everlasting.

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Six Weeks of Bible Study for Strength and Comfort

Week 1 _____ Week 4_____ Sunday…..Habakkuk 3:19 Sunday…..Matthew 5:4 Monday…..Isaiah 42:3 Monday…..Isaiah 26:3 Tuesday…..Zechariah 4:6 Tuesday…..Revelation 21:4 Wednesday…..Matthew 28:20 Wednesday…..John 11:35 Thursday…..Isaiah 40:31 Thursday…..Psalm 30:5 Friday…..Isaiah 43:2 Friday…..Hebrews 10:23 Saturday…..Philippians 4:13 Saturday…..Psalm 124:8 Week 2 _____ Week 5_____ Sunday…..Isaiah 30:21 Sunday..2 Thess. 3:16 Monday…..Psalm 48:14 Monday…..Psalm 18:28 Tuesday…..John 14:27 Tuesday..1 Corinthians 13:12 Wednesday…..Psalm 31:3 Wednesday..Romans 8:37-39 Thursday…..2nd Corinthians 12:9 Thursday..Matthew 11:28-30 Friday…..Psalm 32:8 Friday…..John 14:1 Saturday…..Revelation 3:20 Saturday…..Psalm 34:18 Week 3 _____ Week 6 _____ Sunday…..Hebrews 4:16 Sunday…..Philippians 1:6 Monday…..Psalm 119:105 Monday..2 Corinthians 13:14 Tuesday…..Philippians 4:6-7 Tuesday…..Joshua 1:9 Wednesday…..Proverbs 3:5 Wednesday….2 Thess. 3:5 Thursday…..Hebrews 11:1 Thursday..2Corinthians 4:18 Friday…..Isaiah 58:11 Friday…..Numbers 6:24-26 Saturday…..John 16:33 Saturday..2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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The Four Tasks of Mourning From Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J. William Worden Springer Publishing, 2002

1. Accept the reality of the loss. 2. Experience the pain of grief. 3. Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is

missing. 4. Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in other

activities and relationships.

Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death,

and giving life to those in the tomb.

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Tools for Healing

Quoted from You Don’t Have to Suffer by Judy Tatelbaum, MSW. Authorhouse, 2005.

Only in fairy tales does the hero slay the dragon once and for all, and live happily ever after. In real life the dragons keep coming.

Considering the dragons we will probably have to slay in a lifetime, each of us needs to have an ability to recover ourselves..

1. Diet: A healthy well-balanced diet of proteins,

vegetables, fruits, grains and a minimum of fats and sugars. We need to educate ourselves on what comprises a healthy diet, with information that is available from our physicians, the American Heart Association, or other health groups. It is useful to know that too much sugar depletes us, and to discover which foods energize us.

2. Exercise: Regular exercise like walking, running,

swimming, bicycling, tennis, racket ball, and so on, at least 3 times per week. Under stress, while recovering, I recommend daily exercise as is appropriate for the individual for anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours, to increase energy and a sense of well-being. This can make a significant difference after a loss, trauma, or stress.

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3. Rest: In contrast to activity, we may also need rest. Those of us who tend to drive ourselves hard, particularly may recover best with rest periods, lying down and taking it easy sometime during the day. “Cat naps” or reading breaks or closing our eyes for 15 minutes can be rejuvenating. Both rest and sleep can regenerate us.

4. Meditation and Prayer: This is another form of rest or

rejuvenation. Taking 20 minutes one to three times per day to go inward can be very healing, as daily quiet time can help us to relax and regenerate ourselves. There are many techniques and books on meditation. One simple form of meditating is to sit with eyes closed listening to classical music for approximately 20 minutes.

5. People Support: Daily support of a friend, colleague,

therapist, counselor, teacher, minister or rabbi is valuable nourishment. We benefit when we can talk intimately, clear up feelings and reactions, be understood or have a witness to our experience, and be encouraged to move forward. Friends and family may worry too much about us or get too involved in our problems or be unavailable, so at times someone outside our regular life can be the most supportive of our recovering.

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6. Nourishment: Activities that nurture our bodies, like

massage, hot baths, sun baths or whatever personally appeals to us, are particularly supportive. The kind of nourishment I am speaking of is not related to eating and food. Many of us habitually deny our needs, so we may have to dig deeply to discover what would nourish us.

7. Time Alone: In my experience, real healing has always

necessitated that I take time to be alone with myself and do nothing, to look at the scenery, to read, to daydream, to watch television, and particularly to rest. How much time alone each of us needs may vary. I take time by myself, everyday, and I notice my spirituality and creativity emerge during or after the time I spend alone.

8. Time Off: Time away from our routine, a contrast

from the everyday, like vacations or days away from home. If vacations are not feasible, consider a drive or a walk in the country or any environment different from usual. Since I live in a beautiful countrified area, for me nourishing time may mean going to a contrasting place, like San Francisco or New York for more excitement.

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9. Play: Playing for one hour a day can be regenerating. Many of us lost the idea of play as we grew into adulthood. We may need to look newly at what play would involve for us now – games, sports, shopping, or puzzles are a few examples of what we might enjoy. It is startling, yet true, that as adults we generally do not have much fun.

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Exercise for Taking Responsibility for Your Recovery

After reading suggested “Tools for Healing,” make a list of specific steps that would help you heal or recover yourself.

What relaxes you? What delights you? What engages you? What is fun for you?

Write all these answers down for further use, and carry them in your daily calendar or post them on your mirror or refrigerator.

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Ideas for Journaling

You may find it helpful to clarify your thoughts about your loved one by recording your feelings in the form of a letter. Write a letter to the person who died, expressing your thoughts and feelings. Following is a list of ideas you might want to write about. Choose one or several ideas that have significance for you, or start at the top of the list and work your way down. These topics may serve to help you come up with your own ideas specific to your situation and relationship. A special memory that I have about you What I miss the most about our relationship

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What I wish I had said, or hadn’t said What I’d like to ask you What I wish we’d done or hadn’t done What I’ve had the hardest time dealing with Ways in which you will continue to live on in me Special ways I have for keeping my memories of you alive

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Turning Points for Growth

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Suggestions for Coping through the

Holidays and Other Special Days

There are many holidays and special days in our lives: birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. These times, already stressful, may intensify feelings of pain and loneliness. Here are some things which other bereaved persons have found helpful. See if one will help you. Holidays and anniversaries often magnify feelings of loss of a loved one. It is important and natural to experience the sadness that comes. To block such feelings is unhealthy. Keep the positive memory of the loved one alive. Share your concerns, feelings and apprehensions, as the holiday or anniversary approaches with a relative or friend.

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Tell them that this is a difficult time for you. Accept their help. You will appreciate their love and support at this time. Learn to listen to your inner voice. It is one of the best friends you have. Intuition may lead you to the right person or activity for that specific moment and can spare you those which are unsatisfactory. It is OK to be alone. Isolating yourself from others is not recommended, but there are times when solitude is deeply gratifying. Explore being alone and learn what is most healing to do during your time alone. Create new traditions. You may want to spend holidays or special days in a new setting; take a trip, visit friends, or volunteer in a new setting. Be careful of “shoulds”. Don’t feel obligated to follow tradition, unless doing so would be a comfort to you.

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Send Christmas cards early. Receiving cards addressed to, or mentioning the name of the one who died, can be very distressing. Consider sending cards out very early informing others of the death, or enclose cards used at the funeral service. Writing cards can be therapeutic. It is also OK not to send out any cards. If Christmas shopping seems too hard, shop by phone, online, or catalog; or have a friend or relative go with you (or do the shopping for you). Accept help. Keep a low profile. Don’t wear yourself out by shopping and attending lots of social functions. Be selective. Saying, “No thanks,” is OK. Acknowledge your loss. Talk with your family about the holiday ahead of time and be honest about your feelings. Don’t expect too much of yourself or the holiday.

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Running away from feelings requires enormous energy and does not help you heal. On anniversaries and holidays, commemorate your loss. Ways which others have found helpful include: putting together a photo album from pictures you’ve been meaning to sort, visiting your loved one’s grave, lighting a candle, planning a special service, or being with your family.

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Some Prayers

Almighty God, we entrust all who are dear to us to your never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you doing for them better things than we can desire or pray for; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Savior, this soul is yours, sealed by your name, redeemed by your love: now released by the saints on earth to the glad companionship of the saints above, into your arms of mercy, into the blessed country of light. Amen O God, who by the glorious resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light: Grant that we, who have been raised with him, may abide in his presence and rejoice in the hope of eternal glory; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be dominion and praise for ever and ever. Amen. O Lord, support us all the day long, until the shadows lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over, and our work is done. In your mercy, grant us a safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last. Amen.

Christ will open the kingdom of heaven to all who believe in his Name, saying,

Come, O blessed of my Father; inherit the kingdom prepared for you.

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Adult Books Related to Grief and Death

By Helen Zebarth, RN, Health Minister Terminally Ill: Personal Stories Before the Door Closes by Phyllis Rash Hughes Annie articulately shares her experiences while facing a brain tumor, divorce, and death Double Vision by Alexandra Dundas Todd When the author's 21 year old son is diagnosed with cancer they steer a course between traditional Western medicine and alternative healing First, You Cry by Betty Rollin Classic, inspiring story of one woman's triumph over breast cancer From this Moment On by Arlene Cotter A guide for those recently diagnosed with cancer Handbook for Mortals by Joanne Lynn MD and Joan Harrold MD Guidance for people facing serious illness Holding On While Letting Go by Joan E. Hemenway Reflections in times of grave illness Hope is Contagious by Margit Esser Porter The breast cancer treatment survival handbook I'll Not Go Quietly by Mary Fisher Woman diagnosed with AIDS tells her story Mainstay by Maggie Strong For the well spouse of the chronically ill Measuring My Days by Maureen Fell Pierson Poems written after she learned that she had cancer Notes on Love and Courage by Hugh Prather Love, values, etc discussed as one prepares to die Peace at the Last by Norman Autton Discussions with the dying Praying with Cancer by Sherry Hunt Author died in 1996 and left this book of poems and essays to help others Say Yes Quickly by Mary Bradish O'Connor Collection of peoms written out of the experience of living with ovarian cancer Second Opinions by Jerome Groopman, MD How physicians and patients make critical decisions Seeing the Crab by Christina Middlebrook A memoir of dying is an honest book about living with cancer Shared Pain and Sorrow by James I Cook Reflections of a secondary sufferer She Came to Live Out Loud by Myra MacPherson Author takes you on the journey of Anna who has breast cancer Sunshine by Norma Klein True story of a 20 year old woman, mother, in love and dying The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby Bauby has a stroke at 43 years of age and writes this memoir The Measure of Our Days by Jerome Groopman This physician writes about people facing death through eight case histories Letting Go of Morrie: In His Own Words by Morrie Schwartz A philosophy of living while dying It is Always Something by Gilda Radner Her struggle with cancer

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I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise by Erma Bombeck Stories of children surviving or trying to survive cancer No Such Thing as a Bad Day by Hamilton Jordan Personal fight with cancer three times Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy Dealing with defacement after cancer surgery Where the Buffaloes Roam by Bob Stone Building a team for life challenges When Someone Dies: Grief A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis Rediscovering faith after the death of his wife A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken He was a friend of CS Lewis's and writes about his wife's death Getting Through the Night by Eugenia Price Finding your way after the loss of a loved one Good Grief by Granger E. Westberg Describes the grief experience Grieving by Ruth Coughlin Addressing widowhood Grieving as a Woman by Kass P. Dotterweich Moving through life's many losses I Can't Stop Crying by John D. Martin Looks at grief work as a painful but necessary process In Lieu of Flowers by Nancy Cobb The author's insistence that death be confronted without the veil of denial Living Beyond Your Losses by N. Patrick Murray The healing journey through grief Living Through Grief and Growing with it by Dr. Arthur Freese Guidelines, advice, and information about grief Living with Death and Dying by Eisabeth Kubler-Ross General information about death and dying Living with Loss by Dr. Ronald W. Ramsay A dramatic breakthrough in grief therapy Love Remembered by Celia Haddon A book of comfort in grief Matters of Life and Death by Carol Wogrin Finding the words to say goodbye. the book stresses the importance of communication with the dying person. On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross What the dying have to teach doctors, nurses, clergy, and their own families Rebuilding the House by Laurie Graham One woman's passage through grief while renovating a country house The Grieving Time by Anne M. Brooks A year's account of recovery from loss The Memorial Rituals Book for Healing and Hope by Ann Marie Putter Collection of healing rituals to serve as guides to healing the pain of grief Watering Wilted Flowers by Ginny Green A healing guide for women. When Death Has Touched Your Life by John E. Biegert Thoughts, poems, and prayers at a time of loss When Your Soul Aches by Lois Mowday Rabey Every widow's pain is unique Who Dies? By Stephen Levine An investigation of conscious living and conscious dying

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Widow by Lynn Caine A truimphant true story that offers hope for all women facing life challenges Without by Donald Hall When his beloved wife and fellow poet died he wrote this book of poetry You Don’t Have to Suffer by Judy Tatelbaum A handbook for moving beyond life’s crises How We Grieve by Thomas Attig Learning the experience of loss and helping others in grief Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman Daily meditations for working through grief Grieving Well by Judy Davidson Young widow talks about her husband’s death and the death of her 17 year old son Grief Therapy by Karen Katafiasz Discusses how the grief process takes time The Heart of Grief by Thomas Attig Stories of many survivors and how they coped with their grief Giving a Voice to Sorrow by Steve Zeitlin and Ilana Harlow There are no rules for mourning and there is no time frame for grieving Don’t Take My Grief Away by Doug Manning Assisting us to understand what happens when someone dies How to Reach Out for Help When You are Grieving byAlan Wolfelt Practical tips for getting support while grieving The Last Journey by John Bell with compact disk Exploring the myriad emotions that accompany loss Healing Through the Shadow of Loss by Deborah Morris Coryell How to learn to grieve A Time to Grieve. A Time to Heal by Criswell Freeman For all those who mourn Hallelujah Anyhow! By Deidra Kriewald A study in grief by a widow Praying Ur Goodbyes by Joyce Rupp Focusing on the spiritual side of loss After Goodbye by Ted Menten How to begin again after the death of someone you love When Will I Stop Hurting? By June Cerza Kolf Taking you through the stages of grieving Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman Daily Meditations for working through grief Mending the Heart by John Claypool Looking at guilt and praying about it The Empty Chair by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. DeVries Handling grief on holidays and special occasions It Must have Been Moonglow by Phyllis Greene Reflections on the first years of widowhood Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Waringer with CD and lyrics Examples of the dead being with us Caregivers of the Terminally Ill Journeys with the Cancer Conqueror by Greg Anderson Mobilizing mind and spirit A Midwife Through the Dying Process by Timothy E. Quill, MD Stories and healing and hard choices at the end of life. Grief, Dying, and Death by Therese A. Rando Clinical interventions for caregivers A Time to Live, a Time to Die by Beatrice M.A. Ash Important concerns when death draws near

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A Year to Live by Stephen Levine How to live this year as if it were your last Care of the Dying by Richard Lamerton It is never true that nothing more can be done for the dying Caring for Your Own Dead by Lisa Carlson A complete guide for those who wish to handle funeral arrangements themselve Chrysalis by Val Hillsdon-Hutton Facing death now, a personal record Death the Final Stage of Growth by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Through an acceptance of our finiteness, we can grow Deathing by Anya Foos-Graber An intelligent alternative for the final moments of life Dignified Departure by Bryane Miller A complete national outline for preparing all necessary documents to control your death or the death of a loved one. Dying at Home by Andrea Sanker A family guide for caregiving Dying, Facing the Facts by Hannelore Wass Articles on death to be read by clergy, health care professional and families Dying Well by Ira Byock, MD A most accurate, informative book on the death with dignity debate and care at the end Gentle Closings by Ted Menten How to say goodbye to someone you love Living Our Dying by Joseph Sharp Enriching our lives by being more compassionate about what we say and do Managing Death by James M. Hoefler A guide for patients, family, and care providers on forgoing treatment at the end of life May I Walk You Home? By Joyce Hutchison and Joyce Rupp Stories about the companionship of those who accompany the dying on their final journey On Dying With Dignity by Patrick Francis Sheehy, MD Brings death out of the darkness and offers a profound less for the living Stay Close and Do Nothing by Merrill Collect A spiritual and practical guide to caring for the dying at home Surviving Death by Charles Meyer A practical guide to caring for the dying and bereaved The Helper's Journey by Dale G. Larson Working with people facing grief, loss, and life-threatening illness How to Care for Yourself While You Care for the Dying and the Bereaved by Alan Wolfelt Excellent self-care is important as you companion the dying person Matters of Life and Death by Carol Wogrin Communicating with the dying and finding the words to say goodbye Dying Dignified by Thomas Gonda and John Ruark The health professional’s guide to care of the terminally ill Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley Understanding the special awareness, needs, and communication of the dying Facing Death by John Chapman Stories of spiritual responses to serious illness The Rights of the Dying by David Kessler A companion for life's final moments The Wheel of Life by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Lesson for the living The Wisdom of Dying by N. Michael Murphy Inspirational guide for dying consciously To Die Well by Richard Reoch A holistic approach for the dying and their caregivers

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To Live Until We say Good-bye by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross With pictures of her patients she gives a glimpse of her counseling work with the dying Caregiving by Beth Witrogen McLeod An in the trenches view of caregiving Talking About Death by Virginia Morris How to raise the subject matter with family and avoid obstacles Sacred Passages by Margaret Coberly How to provide fearless, compassionate care for the dying Taking Time by National Institutes of Health Support for people with cancer and the people who care for them Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom Sharing a dying person's last days When a Parent Has Cancer by Wendy Schlessel A guide to caring for your children when you have cancer Healing the Dying by Mary Jean Linn, Dennis Linn, Matthew Linn Discusses how we can be with those who are dying. Realeasing people to die. Where is Heaven? By Ted Menten Discussions with terminally ill children about facing death Novels about Death A Death in the Family by James Agee A loving, close knit family faces the death of a father A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest Gaines A young black man in 1940's is an unwitting party to a shootout and a young man returns and has meetings with Jefferson and learns about compassion for people. A Summer to Die by Lois Lowry Meg and Molly are sisters and Molly is dying and Meg has to deal with that Hot Flashes by Barbara Raskin Four friends have to face one their own's illness and death I Heard the Owl Call My Name by Margaret Craven The owl calls the dying person’s name in the Northwest Indian tribe I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg The deadly world of the mentally ill Mister God, This is Anna by Fynn Dialogue between a little girl and God Mourning Song by Joyce Landorf A mother teaches her daughter about death Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst Discusses losses we experience in our lives Stainless Steal Hearts by Harry Lee Kraus, Jr. Unborn children being carried longer than necessary so hearts can be harvested and sold The Awakening by Kate Chopin A woman in 1899 who resisted authority to take charge of her quest for life Good Grief by Lolly Winston A great book to explore loss, pain, love, humor, and ultimate renewal. Study of Death and Grieving A Matter of Life and Death by John V. Taylor Bishop of Winchester England writes about death and the Gospels Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan Thoughts on life and death at the brink of the millennium Dying by Pat McNees A book of comfort by noted authors

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Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus A tale partly about life, partly about revolution, and a lot about hope How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando, PhD Comprehensive discussion of various deaths that affect us How We Die by Sherwin B. Nuland Discusses various ways of death and how we can live more fully knowing this fact Suffering by Arthur C. McGill A test of theological method The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker The most important disciplines in man's life The Last Passages by Donald Heinz Looking at the literature available at the time on death The Meaning of Death by Herman Feifel Research by ten prominent authors into philosophy of death Death, Mourning and Caring by Robert Marrone Textbook on grief and death Encyclopedia of Death and Dying by Glennys Howarth and Oliver Leaman Research in the subjects of grief, loss and death The Dynamics of Grief by David K. Switzer Analysis of what grief is and how humans experience it Endings by Michael C. Kearl Sociology of death and dying The Sting of Death by James R. Adams Background reading for a study course on death and bereavement The Last Dance by Lynne De Spelder, Albert Strickland, Carol Berns Textbook on death and dying with study guide Dying, Death, and Bereavement, annual editions, 3rd and 4th editions Current writing on the subject Death and Bereavement Around the World by John D. Morgan and Pittu Laungani Major Religious Traditions Dying, Death and Bereavement by Lewis R. Aiken Research, writings, and professional practices concerning death and dying are discussed Facing Death by Robert E. Kavanaugh Looking at unrealistic attitudes toward dying The Last Passage by Donald Heinz Recovering a Death of Our Own Grief Magazine Practical information for people in grief Family Life Today Magazine Working with the entire family at the time of a death Healing Life’s Hurts by Dennis Linn and Matthew Linn Healing memories through the five stages of forgiveness Confrontations of Death by Francis G. Scott A book of readings on death Hospice At Home with Dying by Merrill Collett A Zen hospice approach One Woman's Death by Christine Andreae A story of a hospice volunteer's first case The Hospice Movement by Sandol Stafford The history of hospice and how it works When Evening Comes by Christine Andreae The education of a hospice volunteer The Hospice Journal by NHO Physical, psychological and pastoral care of the dying

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My Gift: Myself by JoAnne Chitwood Nowack A Step-by-step- Guide to Becoming a Hospice Volunteer Hospice, a Photographic Inquiry by Jim Goldberg Pictures of hospice people and places Hospice, Theory and Practice by Yitai Tsuei Japanese book on hospice Eulogies My Father's Prayer by Phyllis Tickle How her father's faith wove a coverlet at the time of his death The Book of Eulogies by Phyllis Therous A collection of memorial tributes, poetry, essays and letters of condolence Remembrances and Celebrations by Jill Harris Book of eulogies, elegies, letters, and epitaphs Funerals The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford Excellent documentation that changed the way the funeral industry operated For the Living by Edgar N. Jackson A sound, helpful discussion of funeral practices bury the dead by Christopher Sloan Tombs, corpses, mummies, skeletons, and rituals Planning a Funeral Service by Jedediah D. Holdorph, II A guide to planning a funeral service in the Episcopal Church Dying We Live by Edward S. Gleason The meaning of the liturgy of the dead Tombstones Tombstones by Gregg Felsen 75 famous people and their final resting places Elysium by Sandra Russell Clark New Orleans cemeteries Pet Death Pet Loss by Eleanor L. Harris A spiritual guide The Final Farewell by Marty Tousley and Katherine Heuerman Preparing for and mourning the loss of your pet The Loss of a Pet by Wallace Sife A guide to coping with the grieving process when a pet dies Pet Loss by Eleanor L. Harris Spiritual Guide Suicide Andrew, You Died Too Soon by Corinne Chilstrom Young son in college commits suicide Too Young To Die by Francine Klagsbrun How to recognize the warning signs that could save a child's life Fixin’ to Die by David Lester A compassionate guide to committing suicide or staying alive

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Child Death A Broken Heart Still Beats by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel After your child dies Angel Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers The story of her daughter's death Dearest Debbie by Dale Evans Rogers A mother's account of the faith that sustained her during the sorrow-filled days after her daughter’s tragic death Ellen by Rose Levit Mother's intimate memoir of the death of her 15 year old daughter from bone cancer Finding Hope When a Child Dies by Sukie Miller What other cultures can teach us about child death Five Cries of Grief by Merton Strommen and Irene Strommen One family's journey to healing after the tragic death of a son Parting is Not Goodbye by Kelly Osmont A courageous account of a woman's struggle to cope with death of her son And the Passenger was Death by Douglas Daher The drama and trauma of losing a child No Time to Waste by Margaret Johnson A mother shares honestly and openly her reaction to the tragic death of her teen-age daughter The Bereaved Parent by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff A book for parents who have had a child die Tracks of a Fellow Struggler by John R. Claypool Struggling with illness and death of eight year old daughter When the Bough Breaks by Judith R. Bernstein Forever after the death of a son or daughter Parental Loss of a Child by Therese A. Rando Individual situations encountered by parents A Grief Unveiled by Gregory Floyd Study of immense pain and healing After the Darkest Hour the Sun Will Again Shine by Rabbi Harold Kushner A guide to grieving and a meditation Touching the Edge by Margaret Wurtele A mother’s reaction to the death of her 22 yr old son The Blessing of a Broken Heart by Sherri Mandell A mother’s story of the death of her 13 year old son and his friend Afterlife Life After Life by Raymond A Moody Case histories that reveal there is life after death Purring in the Light by Stefanie Samek Near-death experiences of cats Talking to Heaven by James VanPraagh A medium's message of life after death You Cannot Die by Ian Currie A century of research about death and life after death The Day I Died by Jay Barbree Out of Body experience Miracles Magazine by Raymond Moody Special Issue on death, dying and life after death

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Grieving Men Fatherloss by Neil Chethik How Sons of all Ages Come to Terms with the Death of Their Dads Swallowed by a Snake by Tomas R. Golden How men grieve When A Man Faces Grief by Thomas R. Golden 12 practical ideas to help you heal from loss Daughter's Loss of a Mother Letters From Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman Letters written by daughters as words of courage, grief, and healing Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman The Legacy of Loss At the End of Words by Miriam Stone A tribute to her mother and a way of healing Trauma I Can't Get Over It by Aphrodite Matsakis How to help people heal after a traumatic experience Healing Your Traumatized Heart by Alan Wolfelt 100 practical ideas after someone you love dies a sudden, violent death Portraits 9/11/01 by Howell Raines and Janny Scott The collected portraits of grief from The New York Times From Cradle to Grave by Joyce Egginton The short lives and strange deaths of Marybeth Tinning’s nine children Self-Help Books to Help Yourself Grieve More Than Surviving by Kelly Osmont Caring for Yourself While You Grieve When Your Soul Aches by Lois Mowday Rabey Written by a widow. It offers invaluable guidance to women facing the painful emotions and difficult challenges of widowhood. Healing Your Grieving Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt 100 practical suggestions for helping yourself mourn What Widow’s Face by Anne Brooks Brauer Simple suggestions to moving on with life after loss If I Could Mend Your Heart by Mary I. Farr Offers a step toward healing after any loss Grief Dreams, by T.J. Wray How they help heal us after the death of a loved one. Guide to Helping Others Grieve What Can I Say? By Kelly Osmont How to help someone who is grieving: A Guide How to Write Comforting Letters to the Bereaved by John D. Haley A simple guide for a delicate task A Healing Grief by Sara Wengerd Walking with your friend through loss Grieve Not by Blue Lantern Studio Meant to help someone who has had a death in the family. A Time to Mourn, A Time to Dance by Aid Association for Lutherans Help for the losses in life

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Grieving Children What Children Need When They Grieve by Julia Rathkey The scope of children’s reactions to death Parenting the Grieving Child by Mary DeTurris Poust Helping children find faith, hope and healing after a loss of a loved one 150 Facts About Grieving Children by Erin Linn Understanding how children grieve Talking About Death by Earl A. Grollman A Dialogue between parent and child When Someone You Love Dies by William L. Coleman Helping children 8-12 grieve Life and Loss by Linda Goldman Recognizing children’s losses Breaking the Silence by Linda Goldman Helping children with complicated grief-suicide, homicide, AIDS, violence, abuse How It Feels When a Parent Dies by Jill Krementz 18 children from 7-16 express what it was like to have a parent die Sarah’s Journey by Alan D. Wolfelt Answers to questions asked about children and death Water Bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney Explaining death to young children Explaining Death to Children by Earl A. Grollman Because death is a certainty of life we must explain it to our children What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? by Trevor Romain A discussion with children about what grieving can be And God Cried, Too by Marc Gellman A kid’s book of healing and hope Perinatal Deaths Waiting with Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck Cherishing a baby’s brief life When a Baby Dies by Nancy Kohner and Alix Henley The experience of late miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death Grieving Reproductive Loss by Kathleen Gray and Anne Lassance This book will help persons having experienced the loss and health care professionals From Sorrow to Serenity by Susan Fletcher Meditations for those who have suffered pregnancy or infant loss Strong and Tender by Pat Schwiebert Guide for a father whose baby has died Still to be Born by Pat Schwiebert and Paul Kirk Perinatal loss and how it affects your future Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt Hope and support for those who have suffered miscarriage, stillbirth, or tubal pregnancy Too Soon a Memory by Pat Schwiebert A guide to parents suffering a miscarriage When Hello Means Goodbye by Pat Schwiebert A guide for parents whose child dies at birth or shortly thereafter All Seasons Pass by Martha Manning Grieving a miscarriage Sibling Death A Month of Sundays by Julie Mars Taking care of a sister during her terminal illness Surviving the Death of a Sibling by T.J. Wray Living through grief when an adult brother or sister dies

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That Summer by Tony Johnson Inspiration and consolation for siblings of seriously ill children Parent Death Nobody’s Child Anymore by Barbara Bartocci Final passages of the death of a parent Oxygen by Andrew Miller A man comes home to care for his dying mother Capital Punishment Don’t Kill in Our Names by Rachel King Families of murder victims speak out against death penalty End of Life Issues Long Goodbye by William H. Colby The deaths of Nancy Cruzan Managing Death by James M. Hoefler A guide for patients, family members, and care providers on forgoing treatment at the end of life. Hard Choices for Loving People by Hank Dunn CPR, artificial feeding, comfort care, and the patient with life-threatening illness Death Notification by R. Moroni Leash A practical guide to the process Peaceful Passages by Marilee Tolen Shared experiences of complementary therapies in end of life care Organ Donation Caring for Donor Families Before, During, and After by Raelynn Maloney and Alan Wolfelt How to communicate with and support families before, during, after the decision to donate Complicated Grief Treatment of Complicated Mourning by Therese A. Rando How to treat complicated grief Support Groups How to Start and Lead a Bereavement Support Group by Alan Wolfelt Simple steps to starting a support group Cultural Passed On by Karla FC Holloway African American Mourning Stories No death, no fear by Thich Nhat Hanh Comforting wisdom for life and the living Buddha Elisabeth Kubler-Ross The Life of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross by Derek Gill Life of the acclaimed author of death and dying The Elisabeth Kubler Ross Center Newsletters 3 What the center was doing A Letter to a Child With Cancer by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross The Dougy book On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler, (2) Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss

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Spirituality and Death Making Sense of Death by John Morgan Spiritual, pastoral, and personal aspects of death, dying, and bereavement Liturgy and at the Last by Liturgical Conference Helpful hints to assist the family through the funeral Angels In Your Pocket by Guideposts Well-known inspirational writings to carry with you. Pamphlets Dear Children by Helen S. Merrow A Christian writes about her own experience of dying How to be a Friend in Sorrow by James D. Furlong Helpful hints to help a person who is grieving Is Cremation Christian by Carroll E. Simcox Answers questions concerning cremation Death, the Key to Life by Mary Tyler Cheek Death is not to be feared Glory on the Other Side of Death by Allen W. Brown Looking at living and dying, which are part of the same process The Christian Facing of Death Questions and answers about death Should Christians Grieve? By Peter Day Validates grief for Christians For Those Who Mourn A personal testimony Life After Death by Edwin Anderson Penick Giving comfort to the bereaved Grief How to bear it and share it Christian Burial by R.S.M. Emrich Explaining some of the details of a Christian burial Alive Now:Death magazine Articles about death An Etiquette for Grief by Crystal Gromer for Reader’s Digest Helping others through a loss isn’t easy. What you need to know When Children Hurt by Earl Grollman Guidelines for explaining death to children Talking With Young Children About Death by Fred Rogers Simple ways to talk to children about death Color My Memories Coloring book to help a child express himself Training Seminar Life Appreciation Training Seminar by Bill Bates 3 audio tapes For grief recovery, separation and loss Videos 48 Hours, The Right to Die Victoria Whiteford’s Memorial Service Series: With Eyes Open, Coping with Death • Caregiving • Difficult decisions: when a loved one approaches death

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• Grief and healing • Beyond life and death

Hospice Foundation of America Series: Living with Grief • After Sudden Loss with textbook • Who We Are How We Grieve with textbook • When Illness is Prolonged with textbook • Personally and Professionally • Children Mourning, Mourning Children • At Work, At School, At Worship with 2 textbooks, 2 each practice guides

Rev/02/06 HZ

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Children’s Books Related to Grief and Death

By Helen Zebarth, RN, Health Minister Explaining Death with Inanimate Subjects Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus A different sort of book for children and adults and everyone except those who have given up completely and even they might secretly enjoy it. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf- by Leo Buscaglia 2 copies How leaves change with the season and finally die and fall from the tree. When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown A guide to understanding death without the human factor. Death of Pets A Funeral for Whiskers by Dr. Lawrence Balter Child faces death of a pet cat with practical tips for parents. Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley All the woodland creatures mourn badger's death and remember him. Goodbye, Max by Holly Keller Max, the old dog died and Ben is grieving. I'll Always Love You by Hans Wilhem Death of an old pet dog, Max The Accident by Carol Carrick Pet dog, Bodger, is killed by a car and Christopher must overcome sense of guilt. The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst 2 copies Remembering good things about a dead pet cat. When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers Talks to children about a pet dying Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant If you have a pet dog then you know there is a dog heaven Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant If you have a pet cat then you know there is a cat heaven Death of a Pet, brochure by Omps Funeral Home Answers to questions for children and animal lovers of all ages Death of Friends A Taste of Blackberries by Doris Buchanan Smith Jamie and Heather are friends. When something happens to Heather, Jamie has to grieve. Bridge to Terebithia by Katherine Paterson 2 copies A friend dies in an accident and the survivor must cope. I Had a Friend Names Peter by Janice Cohn Talking to children about the death of a friend. Say Goodnight, Gracie by Julie Reece Deaver Morgan and Jimmy are old friends. Jimmy is killed in an accident and Morgan must deal with it. Someone I Loved Died by Christine Tangvald About life and death and a poster about remembering with religious overtones Somewhere Between Life and Death by Lurlene McDaniel Erin and Amy are best high school friends. Amy is on life support and Erin must deal with loss. Why, Charlie Brown, Why? By Charles M. Schulz A story about what happens when a friend is very ill

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Serious Illness or Impending Death of Self Hang Toughf by Matthew Lancaster Matthew wrote about his treatments, etc. with Ewing's Sarcoma. I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise by Erma Bombeck A heartwarming story about children surviving cancer. My Book for Kids with Cansur by Jason Gaes A child's autobiography of Hope Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep by Lurlene McDaniel Carrie has leukemia at age 15. She feels she can't face life when her parents divorce. Too Young to Die by Lurlene McDaniel Melissa is enjoying high school when she is diagnosed with leukemia. What it is that I have, don’t want, didn’t ask for can’t give back, and how I feel about it: By The Ohio Cancer Information Service Feelings of a terminally ill child Parent Death Everett Anderson's Goodbye by Lucille Clifton Everett grieves for his dead father. Everett is African American How It Feels When a Parent Dies by Jill Kremenrz Eighteen children from ages 7 to 16 years discuss death of a parent Learning to Say Good-by by Eda LeShan Communications between youngsters and adults Mama's Going to Buy You a Mockingbird by Jean Little Jeremy's father has cancer. My Mommy Has Cancer by Carolyn Stearns Parkinson Sensitive way to teach children about cancer. Good book for parents to read to their children. My Mom is Dying by Jill Westberg McNamara When Kristine learns her mother is dying, she turns to God for help. She has 17 conversations with God and begins to understand her feelings. Our Mom Has Cancer by Abigail and Adrienne Ackerman 2 copies Picture stories of what they are feeling Grandparent Death Blackberries in the Dark by Mavis Jukes Austin continues to visit the farm and do fun things even though grandpa is dead. But Won't Granny Need Her Socks? By Donald Knowles Dealing effectively with children's concerns about death and dying. Grandmother Jennifer by Deborah Vaill For children from 5 and up about a grandmother's illness and eventual death. Gran-Gran's Best Trick by L. Dwight Holden A story for children who have lost someone they love with help for parent helping a child. My Grandson Lew by Charlotte Zolotow Lewis misses his grandfather even though he died when Lewis was just two. My Grandpa Died Today by Joan Fassler 2 copies David has a frank discussion with his grandfather, Max, about death. When he dies David plays and remembers his grandfather in what he does. Nanna Upstairs and Nanna Downstairs by Tomie dePaola A story about Tommy and his great-grandmother and grandmother and what happens when they die. Saying Good-bye to Grandma by Jane Resh Thomas Going to grandma's funeral as told by a child. The Two of Them by Alika A relationship between a grandfather and his granddaughter and what happens when he grows ill. Tracker by Gary Paulsen John hunts with his grandfather. As grandfather is dying, John feels the need to track a doe, not to kill, but to hold onto his grandfather's life.

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What Happened When Grandma Died by Peggy Barker A strongly Christian book on how to understand death. My Grandma Died by Lory Britain A child’s story about death and loss Now One Foot, Now the Other by Tomie dePaola Relationships that develop when a grandfather has a stroke General Information on Grief and Death Emma Says Goodbye by Carolyn Nystrom Aunt Sue lives with Emma and becomes ill. She is dying and Emma is grieving. Goodbye Forever by Jim and Joan Bouldon Bereavement activity book. Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Waringer CD and pictures to go with songs Miss Fannie’s Hat by Jan Karon Her hats remind the child of special things about Miss Fannie 25 Things to Do by Laurie A. Kanyer When Granpa Passes Away, Mom and Dad Get Divorced, or the Dog Dies Liplap,s Wish by Jonathan London and Syvia Long Story about love, loss, and remembrance. Liplap is a rabbit. On the Wings of a Butterfly by Marilyn Maple A story about life and death. Remember the Secret by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Children who are close have to experience death and how they cope with it. The Empty Place by Roberta Temes A third graders big sister dies and he grieves. A child's guide through grief. The Kids' Book about Death and Dying by Eric E. Rofes For students ages 11 to 14 to discuss death and dying. The Little Soul and the Sun by Neale Donald Walsch A children's parable adapted from Conversations with God. The Next Place by Warren Hanson Inspirational journey where the hurts of earth are no more. Water Bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney Explaining death to young children What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? By Trevor Romain Helping you through a painful time What's Heaven by Maria Shriver Discussion about what is heaven for a child about 6 years old. When Someone Dies by Sharon Greenlee Deals with confusion and questions children feel when death occurs. When Someone is Very Sick by Jim and Joan Boulden Serious illness activity book. When Someone You Love Dies by William L. Coleman Answering questions about death so children can understand When Someone You Love Dies by Robert V. Dodd Bereavement for ages 12 and under. Where is Heaven? By Ted Menten Children's Wisdom on Facing Death Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox Child lives near a nursing home and interacts with elderly and sees a lot of death. Why Do People Die? By Cynthia MacGregor Helping your child understand about death. Feeling Sad by Joy Berry Self-help book for children This Place I Know by Georgia Heard Poems of comfort

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How I Feel by Alan Wolfelt 2 copies A coloring book for grieving children Cultural Annie and the Old One by Miska Miles Native American girl learns about death from her grandmother. The Emporer and the Nightingale byViHoang DeVa Con Chim Hoa Mi Vietnamese story about love and loss and death. Sibling Death A Summer to Die by Lois Lowry Molly becomes ill and Meg has to see the changes taking place in her sister This Book is for all Kids, but Especially my Sister Libby. Libby Died by Jack Simon, age 5 Little sister dies of a rare disorder at the age of 3 Joani Earns Her Wings by Mary Herzog Her sister dies of the flu and how she grieved as a result of her mother’s story The Empty Place by Roberta Temes The third grader’s big sister Jennifer dies and how this affects him Perinatal Deaths We were gonna have a baby, but We had an angel instead by Pat Schwiebert Recommended for children 2 years and up to explain perinatal death Traumatic Death Where does a Mom’s love go? By Patti Lynn Bongiorno Questions asked after 9/11 Grandma, Does God Make Mistakes? By Patti Lynn Bonfiorno Written for everyone who was a child on 9/11 My Dad’s Footsteps by Patti Lynn Bongiorno Dedicated to all the dads lost in 9/11 Rev 02/2006 HZ

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From www.centeringgropup.com a company that attends to grief issues

In My World (IMWC) $6.95

Click to enlarge

Linda Lazar and Bonnie Crawford A journal for teenagers facing a life-threatening illness. The pages are to be filled with letters, memories, and reflections about life. Includes pages for daily thoughts and reflections, favorite things, letters to special people and what I have learned. Product code is IMWC

Living Well with My Serious Illness (LWMO)

$9.95

Click to enlarge By Marge Heegaard. An art therapy book for helping children cope with the early stages of a serious illness. Sensitive exercises address the questions children have during this emotional and troubling crisis. Children are encouraged to express their feelings through pictures. Code: LWMO