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Going Down In Gotham

Chapter 1

On the wall across from where I was standing, was a picture that caught my eye.I was drawn to the ancient old barn, and a small duck, next to a couple bails ofhay. The sky was a stormy blue, and a dark winding road veered off to the right

. There was something about the road that intrigued me. It appeared to be an entrance way into a darkened tunnel, a gateway into mysterious and secret world hidden from most.My mind drifted to images of my mother reading me "The Secret Garden." A story about a child who discovered a forgotten magical place, that would come alive when visited. The tangled vines and over grown flower beds, knotted in weeds seemedso inviting to me. I recalled wishing I could jump into that book and live ther

e. I felt safety, solitude, and beauty in that story, and this mysterious painting made me feel the same.

Unfortunately that was a very fleeting moment, as I turned around to a room ofsix women of various ages, and backgrounds, who were seated in a small circle.

A goth chick dressed in uniform black, with a shrunken top hat pinned to the topside of her head, was the only one who hadnt looked up from her romance novel when I walked into the room.What the hell am I doing? Why am I here? I cant talk about personal things in front of people, especially about my break up. This is a total waste of time, andthe absolute last time I listen to Vanessa, and her suggestions on how I shouldbetter my life, through new age crystal healing therapy. Whatever that is.I just wish Id never met my bastard cheating husband.I scanned the room, to see what type of person actually falls for this crystal

healing nonsense.I focused on a sweet looking Patti Smith look-alike, with a permanent smile on her face. The all natural type who sees good in everyone, and doesnt shave her legs.

I wondered what the goth chick was going to divulge to the group? Perhaps somemorbid fascination with the dead, or maybe shes one of those modern day vampiresthat Id seen on a recent Sally Jesse Raphael afternoon talk show.I shifted from leg to leg self-consciously waiting for the doctor at arrive. Eyes darted around to each woman in the room.I wondered what they thought of me. Not that it really matters but it does matter. I did care what people thought of me. I shouldnt, but that was one of my issues. I was a people pleaser. Thats what Vanessa said, anyway. Id never thought aboutthese things before. I tended to trust her because of her vast knowledge about people.Vanessa was practically addicted to various therapy groups. She wanted to join Alcoholics Anonymous, even though she wasnt an alcoholic. She told me she recently

had slipped into a meeting, and pretended she had a drinking problem. Now she was actually wondering if in fact she was an alcoholic, although she didnt care for alcohol.

I noticed a few of the women looking at me out of the corner of their eyes. I did stand out on the streets of Manhattan, where I had blended in in London. My hair was dark brown and reached my waist. I needed to trim my bangs, but I thoughtthey lent me a Chrissy Hynde rock n roll image. I had on tight black jeans, and

pointed boots. I never left the house without black eyeliner and ruby red lips.I wish I had larger breasts, but had discovered I could work magic with a push up bra.The room was quiet, apart from two of the women who seemed to know each other.

Just as I was thinking about slipping out of the door, and making a run for it,

Doctor Cornwell glided in. Her eyes immediately caught mine. She was carrying afold up chair.

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"Hello people, good afternoon. How is everyone today?" She smiled a wide truly happy to see everyone smile."This is for you" I took the chair thanking her, and opened it. Placing myself next to the hunch over goth girl.Cornwell walked behind her grand mahogany desk, and plopped her heavy Gucci bagdown.

Doctor Cornwell asked the group to introduce themselves, and looked at me. I hated to talk in front of a group, no matter how small. I felt my face flush immediately."Hello, my name is Brooke PowellUmmI guess, Im from London Been here three monthsImre cause of my break up. Umm, thats it I think thank you." I shifted around in my chair, and began to perspire. I felt allergic talking to a group of people. It wasquite a disability. I wish I could be one of those cool confident women who eff

ortlessly were able to speak to people in public. It seemed that everyones eyes were on my body. Maybe that was the problem. I felt so self conscious. As thoughmy arms looked like huge sausages, and I gained and extra fifty pounds. I beganto perspire. I scanned the room and fidgeted with my bag, avoiding all eyes.

Thankfully I was saved by goth girl, who lifted her head and whispered her name,"Vivienne." She had a tiny upturned nose. I breathed a sigh, when everyones headturned to her, and their gaze left me.

Patti who was called Rain, naturally, surprised me by her rather angry undertone. She announced her difficulty in finding a "partner"We went around to each woman in an anti clock wise direction. There was Rosa, who was a large thirty-something year old Hispanic women, who stared at everyone with a harsh attitude, and folded arms.I couldnt help focusing on Tina who was quiet, yet she constantly moved around inher seat and snapped gum. It was extremely irritating.

Rebecca was attractive. She had perfectly styled blond hair and tasteful makeup.Lastly, Cynthia introduced herself. I liked her immediately, she was in her mid

dle to late sixties. She had thick long dead straight gray hair and bangs thathid green eyes.

Doctor Cornwell walked slowly around the circle of women, talking about what thegroup entailed.

She was way more attractive than most doctors I imagined, especially a shrink. Her eyes looked black, which was a striking contrast to her pale skin and hair.She kicked off her Ferragamo pumps and twisted her hair into a tight bun, secur

ing it by sticking a pencil through the knot of hair."We come together once a week to explore and discuss our inner feelings, thingsthat you feel you cant share, perhaps withothers. We are here for you." She stoodfor a moment closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and exhaled. Clearly awareof her audience, she drank in the attention."You will be amazed at what you are holding on to. Negativity, old wounds, hurtfeelings, anger, resentment. Relationships are the main subject women bury themselves in.""Oh yessir-ree, oh yes!" Rosa nodded her head up and down holding up both hands a

s though in church. I got a twinge of nerves."That is the beginning of decay. If you continue to hold onto these rotten, hid

eous, thoughts and feelings, you will begin to look and feel rotten and decayed." I looked around the room to see if I could spot any obvious decay."We are willing to try an alternative therapy. I do not preach, nor do I tell y

ou what to do, like traditional therapists." Tina made a face at the mention oftraditional therapy.

"You will reach these conclusions on your own. If you continue to follow my theory in my newest book Searching for Love and Finding Freedom- within yourself, Volume 5. Cornwell reached over to her desk and passed around a copy of her book.

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I could see on the back cover a large photo of Cornwell, in a white flowing summer dress, standing seductively by a tree."Today Id like to focus on decay." She stood in the circle, her hands in prayer,head bowed, and a peaceful smile on her face.That sentence alone was funny. Yes lets focus on decay, lets!

"The decay that you have allowed into your body and soul is only growing, I can

feel it in this room. You must listen to me, and open your arms to fresh pure freedom from old ways." She threw up her arms as though releasing doves to the sky.Doctor Cornwell hovered over my shoulders holding her hands an inch over my hea

d. Strangely I could feel warmth from her hands. I relaxed. I actually wanted her to be for real, and not some charlatan taking me, and these other females forforty dollars a session, money that I didnt have.When Vanessa had explained Doctor Cornwell to me, I had hoped I would find someone who would help me shake my awful gut ache and preoccupation on revenge against my ex.The doctor said, that my last relationships had put a dark aura over me, and killed positive flow from my chi. No shit!, her new age language was lost on me, bu

t I nodded."You unfortunately broke off your relationship too early Why do you have to be incontrol all the time?"

"Who me what control?" I looked around as though she wasnt talking to me. I thought I wasnt in control enough. It had been a life long complaint of my fathers, andeven friends, that I rarely made decisions, or showed enough initiative.

"You should have stayed in that relationship until it naturally ran its course.""Oh, it ran its course, believe me. I didnt break it off soon enough. Its seemed

to me to be the absolute end.""No no, you have broken the natural cycle of this rendezvous"

Rendezvous? what the hell, that was the most pretentious thing shed said so far,and this whole thing was a load of bollocks."Your aura is darkening." Cornwell said hovering over my head. "You are blocking

the flow." Rosa pursed her lips across from me, and shook her head."Is that bad." I asked."Yes. You are blocking my energy to flow through you."This was getting a little strange. I looked at everyones face. Oh no! were they all crazy?"You might think we are crazy, but you need help or you will continue to repeatcycles in your relationships, and never move on to a fulfilling partnership, which is what we all desire.""Oh, I dont think you are crazy." I said quickly. How did she know I thought that? Oh for god sake, can she read my thoughts?"I feel your thoughts, I dont read your mind, I feel it." Cornwell said still holding her hands over my head.I sat motionless holding my breath, wishing the floor would swallow me up. All

eyes were on me. Had I just called the whole room a bunch of crazys? I couldnt avoid Tinas disapproving evil eye across the way."Well my husband cheated on me." I blurted out defensively. "Am I supposed to a

ccept that and stay with him because the time isnt right in some weird cosmic science?""Go ahead release" I turned to look at Doctor Cornwell standing over me. I reall

y wasnt a newager, certain words bothered me, even made me shudder, and that wordreleaseugh! The same with the word journey, and sacred, all words I felt had beco

me part of this new movement, and were thoroughly over used as of late."Release what?" I asked annoyed."Whatever you feel like letting go off." Cornwell smiled sweetly.For a moment I forgot I was in a room of strangers.

".It was awful, humiliating. My husband, was on tour, and I found out that he was seeing some one. It turned out to be probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. I heard he had been in a car accident. Thanks to MTVs breaking News. Theyd

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gotten a lead on a story. I remember reading the headline under Kurt Loader."Del West (of the band WestEnders) and wife in DWI accident!"

Telling the tale to strangers, made me feel this had just happened yesterday. Iwas back at the exact moment when the story unfolded on MTV. I had gone numb, yet my heart raced, blood drained from my face, as I saw my life, as I knew it unr

aveling before me.My husband, Del West, was a man I swore to love for the rest of my life. Had mystiff, unemotional father not been so adamantly opposed to our union, I might n

ot have fought so desperately hard to make it appear everything was wonderful between us. I over sold the picture of our extreme love for one another at every opportunity."They didnt show a picture of what I later discovered was a just fender bender, but who the hell was this wife? I mean, it certainly wasnt me. To discover this type of personal thing via the media is Oh it was so embarrassing. That my husband, had been seeing this women for a few months. Oh what am I saying probably years Every time he went to LA hed get together with her, and god knows who else.""What a pig." Rain said. I was shocked to hear the word Pig coming from her. But I

nodded my head in agreement.

"Anyway, he was caught driving drunk, with this stripper next to him. But to have the whole world assuming it was me, well you can imagine, its been traumatic, and humiliating, to say the least. I still have people asking me if Im a a. stripper." I whispered, and buried my face in my hands. Tears rolled from my eyes.

The room went silent, and everyone looked at me. Cornwell put her hands on my shoulders and said, "Thats very upsetting, I think we can all identify with men cheating, the fact yours was so public, must have made it quite difficult.""Thank you." I said, taking a tissue from Cynthia, who motioned that my makeup

had run under my eyes."I guess Ive never really gotten over it. I knew I was hurt, but I didnt realize h

ow its played such a big part in my life lately. I feel Im going insane sometimes. I cant stop thinking about him, and us. The worst thing is" I looked around theroom at each of the women. I felt embarrassed at what I was about to say, but Ihad gone this far why not spill the truth, my real sickness."Im actually still in love with him.." I began bawling."Im so embarrassed. Whats wrong with me? Im confused. I hate him for what hes done to me, yet I still love a man whos a pig." I looked at Rain." I know hes not good for me. Why cant I stop remembering the good times. I cant even go to the West Sidebecause we used to go to bars and restaurants over there. Its all memories. Eve

ry fucking streets corner. I see us standing there I want it to all stop.""I totally get it." Tina said. Most of the women agreed."Its the constant thoughts, and memories that make the break up so fucking unbearable. My mother said time, time will heal all. But I still obsess over the goodtimes, the special songs we listened to Its been over four years." Tina continue

d." Oh God." I said. "I dont know if I can handle four years of this. I keep waking up each morning wondering if today it will be easier. But he is my first thought when I open my eyes. I need a pill to forget."" It will become easier, but only if you embrace, your thoughts and memories asyour life. You dont want to forget your life. Its all apart of you, what makes Brooke so unique."I looked at Cornwell. Was I unique? I never really thought I was. "Uniquely stupid maybe." I said, smiling awkwardly." Ahh, I see you have trouble taking compliments." Cornwell smiled." Brooke, you are a beautiful young girl, you have many new romances ahead of yo

u. We never stop loving. As we live, we love. Your head will continue to hold pain and happiness. Embrace it all. Its all your life." She had such a warm peaceful glow to her. But it still sounded easier said than done.

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"I want you to visualize a wide open lake, the sun is shinning upon that lake, now the sun is bouncing off the lake and encircling your entire body. You are surrounding yourself in a protective light that will repel negativity." Doctor Cornwell stood before me making large circular movements with her hands.Now this is where she lost me. I was amazed at my openness the way I had rambl

ed on to people I didnt know, but it felt so good. I breathed a sigh.

" Everyone has a soul mate, a person who is meant to be with you forever, your perfect partner.""Really." I said. I wanted so hard to believe in love.

"Whens the last time you saw this, husband of yours?" Cynthia asked me."Its been almost three months. Hes left messages, and begged for forgiveness. Bu

t its been nothing but heartbreak dealing with him. So many women came out of the woodwork, or should I say came slithering from under rocks, and out of gutters, hes got a thing for strippers. Dels manager, Simon, now tells me hes a sex addict, I mean come on, whats that?""Its a new term that seems to be cropping up more and more, to define a person wh

os addicted to sex. I guess its like any other addiction. But its also an excusefor many to hide behind. I mean, if you have an illness its not really your fault, is it?" Cynthia said shrugging her shoulders."Isnt addiction some sort of disease?" Rosa said pouting.

"If youve got that sex addiction dizzease, youre probably carrying around some more god awful dizzease, than that." Tina laughed, obnoxiously loudly, elbowing Rosa, who also began giggling."We live in a world where the media has invented diseases to persuade the public they are ill. Any of these diseases of the mind, can be over come." Cornwell said calmly."Amen to that." Rosa chimed in.Dr. Cornwell came over to me, and put a string of clear crystals around my neck

, and a small rose quart in my hand. Its was perfectly smooth on one side and it

felt good to rub my thumb over.

I felt so very sorry for myself. Sorry that Id fallen in love, sorry that Id opened up my heart, sorry that I hadnt listened to my friends or my father, and sorrythat I wasnt attracted to nice sweet men who didnt play in rock bands.

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