Genuine ListeningGenuine Listening

by:by:

ELIZABETH LUMAYAG-CODILLAELIZABETH LUMAYAG-CODILLA

3 Steps to Effective 3 Steps to Effective Relationships:Relationships:

1.Self Awareness (Sariling 1.Self Awareness (Sariling Kamalayan)Kamalayan)

2. Genuine Listening (Tutuong 2. Genuine Listening (Tutuong Pakikinig)Pakikinig)

(3. Peaceful Assertiveness(3. Peaceful Assertiveness(Mapayapang Pag-aaserto) (Mapayapang Pag-aaserto)

Genuine Listening (GL) could Genuine Listening (GL) could also be termed as also be termed as ACTIVE ACTIVE LISTENINGLISTENING, , REFLECTIVE REFLECTIVE

LISTENINGLISTENING and and EMPHATIC EMPHATIC LISTENINGLISTENING

Why Listen?Why Listen?1. to obtain information1. to obtain information

2. to understand 2. to understand 3.for enjoyment 3.for enjoyment

Applicability or UtilityApplicability or UtilityPeaceful Approaches:Peaceful Approaches:Dialogue, mediation, Dialogue, mediation,

negotiation, even in ordinary negotiation, even in ordinary conversation discussion and conversation discussion and

during meetings. during meetings.

One of the reasons why we One of the reasons why we listen is to UNDERSTANDlisten is to UNDERSTAND Native American Proverb: Native American Proverb:

“Seek first to understand and be “Seek first to understand and be understood”understood”

“Listen or thy tongue will make “Listen or thy tongue will make you deaf”you deaf”

Why? The deepest need for Why? The deepest need for every person is to be every person is to be

understood.understood.

Genuine Listening means you Genuine Listening means you should listen with your eyes, hearts should listen with your eyes, hearts

and ears.and ears.

• 7% of communication is contained from words we use;(so your ears are not enough)

• 53% of our communication comes from body language;

• 40% from the tone we project

Genuine Listening meansGenuine Listening means

• not just hearing the words spoken but/learn their meanings or understanding the total meaning of the message sent.

• not only involves cutting of the thoughts in our mind and focusing on the person,but it involves not interrupting them while they are talking.

Factors Affecting ListeningFactors Affecting Listening

• Speaker

• Subject Complexity

• The active Listener-the center

• Presentation

• Environment

3 Common Communication Blocks3 Common Communication Blocks

• We listen for what needs fixing, changing or figuring out.

• We listen for opportunities to share our own wisdom, knowledge and competence.

• We assume that we know what words and sentences are coming next.

Important Elements in GL:Important Elements in GL:

• Attentiveness

• Show that you are listening

• Provide feedback

• Defer judgment

• Respond appropriately

Description of a Genuine Listener Description of a Genuine Listener (Burley -Allen)(Burley -Allen)

• Acknowledges the speaker-invites the communication to continue

• Increase the speaker’s self-esteem and confidence

• Tell the speaker, “you are important” and “I am not judging you”

• Gain the speaker’s cooperation

• Reduces stress and tension

Description of a Genuine Description of a Genuine ListenerListener

• Build teamwork

• Gain trust

• Elicit openness

• Gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and

• Obtain more valid information about the speaker and the subject

Helpful Behavior of a Listener and Helpful Behavior of a Listener and its Effect to the Speakerits Effect to the Speaker

Behavior Effect1. Asks questions Feels happy2. Clarifies Gagaan and feeling3. Eye to eye contact Feels thankful4. Mirrors facial

expression Opens up5. Leans towards the

speaker Inspired

6. Affirms Feels respected7. Touches when Feels calm

appropriate and comfortable

8. Eyes show emotional reaction Feels increase

self- confidence

9. Repeats some words toclarify Feels loved

10. Shows concerns inwords and gestures increases

self-confidence

11. Shows focused Feels cool

expression

12. Wait for the speaker to

finish before reacting feeling gimahal

Non-helpful Behavior and Non-helpful Behavior and EffectsEffects

• Interrupts -Feels challenged• Laughs inappropriately -Feels insulted• Makes fun or magbiay- biay - feel sad/insulted• Eyes looking elsewhere -feels problem is

greater• Tataas and kilay -feels uninspired• Walks away -feels not respected• Does something else -feels frustrated• Fakes listening -loses interest to talk/

-will stop talking

says words to stop says words to stop the speakerthe speaker -feels something -feels something

-wrong -wrong with selfwith self

yawningyawning -closes up-closes upBlank faceBlank face -loses interest to talk-loses interest to talkAsks Asks as if not as if not interestedinterested -feel sad/feel not-feel sad/feel not

importantimportantshows irritation orshows irritation orangeranger -feels angry also/-feels angry also/

challenged/sadchallenged/sad

Skills of a Genuine Listener (Center Skills of a Genuine Listener (Center for Rural Studies)for Rural Studies)

• Attending, acknowledging

• Restating, paraphrasing

• Reflecting

• Interpreting

• Summarizing, synthesizing

Skills of a Genuine Listener (Cont.)Skills of a Genuine Listener (Cont.)

• Checking perception

• supporting

• Being quiet

• Giving feedback

• Probing

Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening

• Builds trust and respect

• Enables disputants to release their emotions

• Reduces tensions/cooler heads

• Encourages the surfacing of emotions

• Creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving

• Confidence

Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening

• Accuracy

• Productivity

• Listening has a healing effect

• Self-worth of a person is reaffirmed

• The person feels cared for and loved

• Genuine communication is established

Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening

• Children who really listen to their parents work magic too

• Families that spend time to interact are happy families

• A skill and a foundation to effective communication

• A step to effective relationshipOur journey towards sustainable

peace, requires effective communication and effective relationship as important tools.

Therefore, genuine listening is a Therefore, genuine listening is a gift. The most important gift. The most important

present that we can give to our present that we can give to our spouse, children, friends, spouse, children, friends, relatives, co-workers and relatives, co-workers and

neighbors.neighbors.

THANK YOUTHANK YOU