GARLIC AND THE SEEDS OF ENTITY

8/6/2019 GARLIC AND THE SEEDS OF ENTITY

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PreludePrelude

I was lurking aroused, in theI was lurking aroused, in the bold darknessbold darkness,,doing my own thing. But I could hear themdoing my own thing. But I could hear themgetting louder. So I took heed that thegetting louder. So I took heed that theambience was asking for the show to begin.ambience was asking for the show to begin.YouYou hadnt arrived yet so I was just short of ahadnt arrived yet so I was just short of atemporarily a-noid persona. It was obvious,temporarily a-noid persona. It was obvious,YouYou just didnt care.just didnt care.

I got up in front of the omni-faced crowd. ItI got up in front of the omni-faced crowd. Itwas like everyone I never dreamed of. Even thewas like everyone I never dreamed of. Even theglorious cheek bones of her eminence wasglorious cheek bones of her eminence wasthere - Cecilia Burns - she was to examine thethere - Cecilia Burns - she was to examine thefaulty floors of my construction and I didntfaulty floors of my construction and I didntmind at all I was sure the safety proceduresmind at all I was sure the safety procedureswould arrange her to ride the elevator of mywould arrange her to ride the elevator of mystructure without any foreseeable accidents.structure without any foreseeable accidents.

Ready to make listen?, I asked my self,Ready to make listen?, I asked my self,content on lying.content on lying.

I nodded and grabbled for the bunsen burner.I nodded and grabbled for the bunsen burner.Gassing the stage in a flame-ball of light, IGassing the stage in a flame-ball of light, Iforced myself upon the flowing currents offorced myself upon the flowing currents ofmicrocosmic thought. The audiencemicrocosmic thought. The audienceimmediately shushed their falafel holes. Theimmediately shushed their falafel holes. Thepita bread flapped a few musical notes for mypita bread flapped a few musical notes for myarrival and I begun on the sharpest account ofarrival and I begun on the sharpest account ofsin-taxonomy.sin-taxonomy.

Greetings fellow fallopian tubers! IGreetings fellow fallopian tubers! I


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murmured heinously, while some of themurmured heinously, while some of theFreudians squinted in reply.Freudians squinted in reply.

In a few mensural cycles, I paused toIn a few mensural cycles, I paused towatch some Freudians leave in anxiety.watch some Freudians leave in anxiety.

TheThe Time-Linearizer-Delineator-Time-Linearizer-Delineator-DenominatorDenominator has to star defiantlyhas to star defiantly bybyendeavoring to deliver a journey of yore. Noendeavoring to deliver a journey of yore. No

fragilefragile reptile fractions ever done thisreptile fractions ever done thisbefore, so they might bebefore, so they might be finely chopped intofinely chopped intohalf, and then squeezed abundantly byhalf, and then squeezed abundantly by thethevirtual emoticon of jealous thievery.virtual emoticon of jealous thievery.

And I pointed to a jealous-smiley smooching aAnd I pointed to a jealous-smiley smooching aconfused-smiley on the projection screenedconfused-smiley on the projection screenedbehind me.behind me.

Being awfully wheezy from the tastyBeing awfully wheezy from the tastysqueeze, perhapssqueeze, perhaps theylltheyll send some niche,send some niche,elementary assassin, to oxidizeelementary assassin, to oxidize thethe

electrons from ze story. Or better worse,electrons from ze story. Or better worse,

they couldthey could dividedivide themselves into kickingthemselves into kickingsquares and root their waysquares and root their way in, byin, by rancifyingrancifying

our brainiums. We definitely dontour brainiums. We definitely dont needneedthatthat sort of de-vision scaling out the storyssort of de-vision scaling out the storysownown memories ofmemories of yesteryear.yesteryear. Do we?...Do we?...

I looked up from reading the smudged words,I looked up from reading the smudged words,

printed on my hand and saw that no body hadprinted on my hand and saw that no body had


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stayed for the show stopper denominator. Notstayed for the show stopper denominator. Noteven a codger to resonate with my harp-ons ofeven a codger to resonate with my harp-ons ofyesteryear! Not even a frog ribbit or cricketyesteryear! Not even a frog ribbit or cricket

hiccup to kill the buzzing soundless! How didhiccup to kill the buzzing soundless! How didthey pierce out from underneath my nostrilthey pierce out from underneath my nostrilopenings?openings?

Dont be afraid Frugivore Paws, I told myDont be afraid Frugivore Paws, I told mybrain monkey.brain monkey.

Try to ignore the daunting Daily ChroniclesTry to ignore the daunting Daily Chroniclesofof Teste-moanials. I affirmed that CeciliaTeste-moanials. I affirmed that Ceciliahad no ability to shake my confidence in thehad no ability to shake my confidence in theDaily.Daily.

My merits were all in the aerodynamics of myMy merits were all in the aerodynamics of mymental ability to boomerangle. I coincidentallymental ability to boomerangle. I coincidentally

pulled out a boomerang which was digging intopulled out a boomerang which was digging intomy down under comeback tour. And gosh didntmy down under comeback tour. And gosh didntit just fly out of my hands right up into theit just fly out of my hands right up into thecosmosphere.cosmosphere.

The soap has not run away with the dishThe soap has not run away with the dishwashing detergentwashing detergent yet. I told the emptyyet. I told the emptyaudience.audience. Everything is stillEverything is stillimmaculately regenerating starch andimmaculately regenerating starch and nothingnothingis yet about to develop sweet pine-sugar soup. is yet about to develop sweet pine-sugar soup.

What a pep-debate I peppily thought as I waitedWhat a pep-debate I peppily thought as I waitedfor my boomer wrangler to return as a Gracefor my boomer wrangler to return as a Grace

Note. I needed to know whether I shouldNote. I needed to know whether I shouldcontinue this thing-a-mob or knot my intestinescontinue this thing-a-mob or knot my intestines


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on the spot.on the spot.

Ah, yes!, catching the well designedAh, yes!, catching the well designedenvelope between my finger tip joints.envelope between my finger tip joints.

It has come at LASToidope - and to fill theIt has come at LASToidope - and to fill thevoid of my emptyvoid of my empty harpsichord. harpsichord.

I finished caressing the moment and started toI finished caressing the moment and started toread the Grace Note. It was as i suspected, so Iread the Grace Note. It was as i suspected, so Irevealed all the inner-feelations of myrevealed all the inner-feelations of myconcerned interpretations.concerned interpretations.

According to the Whether or Not Man reportAccording to the Whether or Not Man report

I looked up at no one.I looked up at no one.

My mammal grams have been weighed inMy mammal grams have been weighed infavour of excessfavour of excess successsuccess and theand theconstellations have prophesied a greatconstellations have prophesied a great deal ofdeal ofgoodgood tingles to boot the scooter and babytingles to boot the scooter and babyabout.about. There is a low pressure on my systemThere is a low pressure on my system to do whatever I to do whatever I please, and I threw theplease, and I threw the

note above me, up into the air-conditioning jetnote above me, up into the air-conditioning jetstream.stream.

Then the Grace Note(GN) really surprised meThen the Grace Note(GN) really surprised meand suppressed some of my scien-terrificand suppressed some of my scien-terrificnotions. It fell back down against all the laws ofnotions. It fell back down against all the laws ofgrabbity. I couldnt touch the damn thing. It wasgrabbity. I couldnt touch the damn thing. It wastotal anti-grabbity and some shy force kept ittotal anti-grabbity and some shy force kept it


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from my ever lasting reach.from my ever lasting reach.

The GN lay on the floor independently andThe GN lay on the floor independently andmono toned some cryptic words,mono toned some cryptic words,

It is we, who have the mathematical robotIt is we, who have the mathematical robotof analogueof analogue time on our spherical-side.time on our spherical-side.

They say a many of things, dont they? IThey say a many of things, dont they? Icried in reply.cried in reply.

Fortunately I remembered that the speakingFortunately I remembered that the speakingnote was all part of the show. The sound guynote was all part of the show. The sound guyhad obviously been the culprit executor of thehad obviously been the culprit executor of thebrilliant idea book.brilliant idea book.

Job well done, Ferris Floss I shoutedJob well done, Ferris Floss I shoutedvernacularly, up at the sound booth precinct vernacularly, up at the sound booth precinct very proud I was, that he stayed behind, whenvery proud I was, that he stayed behind, wheneveryone else had left and gone away, never toeveryone else had left and gone away, never toreturn.return.

But alas there was actually no one up there andBut alas there was actually no one up there andit took all my eagle-eye visionary senses toit took all my eagle-eye visionary senses tocome to realism on the subject. This eerycome to realism on the subject. This eerynumber defiantly took me for a swizzle stick andnumber defiantly took me for a swizzle stick andmy mouth continued to correspond with mymy mouth continued to correspond with mymind boggle. It dropped as far as the jaw hingesmind boggle. It dropped as far as the jaw hinges

would allow.would allow.


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I decided to take the show into the theatreI decided to take the show into the theatrelobby, where a few people were still loitering.lobby, where a few people were still loitering.

They thought I was gonna rouse them forThey thought I was gonna rouse them forleaving the show early. Beg their pigeons - Ileaving the show early. Beg their pigeons - Ididnt.didnt.

There was a huge ART display in the middle ofThere was a huge ART display in the middle ofthe unisex foyer, where a huge cardboard robotthe unisex foyer, where a huge cardboard robotwas squatting on a mountaineers toilet.was squatting on a mountaineers toilet.Fountains of lasers and water, protruding fromFountains of lasers and water, protruding from

the inner sanctions made it an entirely epicthe inner sanctions made it an entirely epicscene.scene.

First of all, I addressed my formerlyFirst of all, I addressed my formerlydivorced audience right in the peculiar eyedivorced audience right in the peculiar eyesight, auxiliaries.sight, auxiliaries.

We must swiftly star-jump head first, in toWe must swiftly star-jump head first, in tothe time-droidsthe time-droids toilet and seizer salsify thetoilet and seizer salsify theancient morning tea scrolls! I innocentlyancient morning tea scrolls! I innocentlybegged their compliance of my missionbegged their compliance of my missionobjective.objective.

People just stood their ground like is this guy forPeople just stood their ground like is this guy forreal?real?

I couldnt fathom how no one was inspired byI couldnt fathom how no one was inspired bymy motivating forces.my motivating forces.

So I turned around to leave... and thenSo I turned around to leave... and thenquickly turned backquickly turned back around... when I heard...around... when I heard...a jumping jack splash. I instantlya jumping jack splash. I instantly called outcalled out

some well reticulated advice to the unknownsome well reticulated advice to the unknownparticipant.participant.


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Be extra wary of the constant noble Be extra wary of the constant noblejohnny crepes,johnny crepes,

they will snip ye in the cigarette butter, justthey will snip ye in the cigarette butter, justfor thefor the goodness-sake of a crack-story - Ogoodness-sake of a crack-story - Otheirtheir knobility!knobility!

I could just see an outline, swimming around inI could just see an outline, swimming around inthat mirky robot slush.that mirky robot slush.

Now ripely snatch those secret, antiqueNow ripely snatch those secret, antiqueTexticansTexticans beforebefore they merely flush away,they merely flush away,as row boatas row boat champions of roboticchampions of robotic sewage.sewage.Go on!, I demanded.Go on!, I demanded. Yes, theyre likeYes, theyre likejumping Textican beans!jumping Textican beans!

Woo! An arm submerged from the perilousWoo! An arm submerged from the perilousshallows, holding the papers with a drippy grip.shallows, holding the papers with a drippy grip.

Ok good one, I grabbed them andOk good one, I grabbed them and

Czechered their authenticity.Czechered their authenticity.Looking to the audience, I announced.Looking to the audience, I announced.

Yes, this is them for sure. TheyreYes, this is them for sure. Theyrewritten in undigestedwritten in undigested refried beans. All ancientrefried beans. All ancientTexticans are.Texticans are.

I tried starting an applause or a Textican WaveI tried starting an applause or a Textican Wavebut I noticed a fellow onlooker shaking somebut I noticed a fellow onlooker shaking some


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molasses and sorghum in a plastic cup. Imolasses and sorghum in a plastic cup. Irealised it was You instantly.realised it was You instantly.

I allowed to sprout from my larynx, an excited,I allowed to sprout from my larynx, an excited,

You!You!

You just smiled and tilted to one side, like a boatYou just smiled and tilted to one side, like a boatgently being forced by the wind.gently being forced by the wind.

I looked back to theI looked back to thedroids excretion canisterdroids excretion canisterandand

the unknown participant had gone.the unknown participant had gone.

We jumped in there after him but the trap doorWe jumped in there after him but the trap doorwas firmly pizza-shut for methane digestion orwas firmly pizza-shut for methane digestion orsome sing similar. I didnt like what was at footsome sing similar. I didnt like what was at foothere. There was a big droidy terd touching myhere. There was a big droidy terd touching mytoe jam. So we climbed back out, like slamtoe jam. So we climbed back out, like slam

ringed rats in a wondering musical-box ofringed rats in a wondering musical-box oflocomotion. I instantly exploded a truth in thelocomotion. I instantly exploded a truth in thesoil of the brain book conundrum.soil of the brain book conundrum.

Yes, I altruistically shouted, while wipingYes, I altruistically shouted, while wipingthe horridthe horrid memories of cyborg binary slimememories of cyborg binary slimefrom my mind, without afrom my mind, without a multi-pied-doubt, bymulti-pied-doubt, by

dusting off the mirky-wood shelves ofdusting off the mirky-wood shelves ofadulterated History, we always get to learnadulterated History, we always get to learn

somethingsomething peculiar about the subjectedpeculiar about the subjectedbeing.being.

Huh, what is the subjected being?, YouHuh, what is the subjected being?, Youasked abruptly, like a cankering volcanoasked abruptly, like a cankering volcanoshooting its fiery,shooting its fiery, smitten mouth off, yet sosmitten mouth off, yet so


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sadly discoed from the lava flow ofsadly discoed from the lava flow of life force.life force.

Well, I politely and beautifully re-spawn, itWell, I politely and beautifully re-spawn, itis the mainis the main golden carrot-bread dazzler of OURgolden carrot-bread dazzler of OURstory boardroomstory boardroom anomaly, and that of who,anomaly, and that of who,we will try to amalgamate up withwe will try to amalgamate up with thethegargantuous mountaineers of omni-climax andgargantuous mountaineers of omni-climax andthenthen peek-a-boo down upon, into the deep,peek-a-boo down upon, into the deep,dark vallegory ofdark vallegory of sea-soaring fluctuation.sea-soaring fluctuation.

.....

.....

AND there I was, like oregano-moulded nachosAND there I was, like oregano-moulded nachoshanging from a hills hoist, all evenly balancedhanging from a hills hoist, all evenly balancedon a well valanced finish line and stupendouslyon a well valanced finish line and stupendouslyproud of my first placed explantation. While Iproud of my first placed explantation. While Iwaited for You, I simply put the afro-fruit-bats inwaited for You, I simply put the afro-fruit-bats inczech-mate! Had You even penetrated theczech-mate! Had You even penetrated thesmiley-face of the races discourse?smiley-face of the races discourse?

Well, You might correctly not re-memorize this,Well, You might correctly not re-memorize this,but I found You down under the think station allbut I found You down under the think station allcrumpled up in a stupendous ball of hypnotic-crumpled up in a stupendous ball of hypnotic-tension. Questions of enigmatic nature weretension. Questions of enigmatic nature werecontracting and expanding phonetically fromcontracting and expanding phonetically fromthose poor arduous mouth valves. The poorthose poor arduous mouth valves. The poorpeople around You, couldnt afford to cough uppeople around You, couldnt afford to cough upany money. Thank the land-lord because withany money. Thank the land-lord because withmy allusive help, we dynamically consoled themy allusive help, we dynamically consoled thedifficulty of every attempt to understand thedifficulty of every attempt to understand thetruth of the brain book conundrum.truth of the brain book conundrum.

Assimilate the mental nutrients, My voiceAssimilate the mental nutrients, My voiceresonated in a guru manner. I paused andresonated in a guru manner. I paused andwhiffed the kitchen of my thoughts. I was poisedwhiffed the kitchen of my thoughts. I was poisedto sell You my pitch, Special on tonightsto sell You my pitch, Special on tonights


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O what a spice-doll breaker! This inter ruptureO what a spice-doll breaker! This inter rupturewas indeed a ship sinking memento andwas indeed a ship sinking memento andprobably had sailed half the way from theprobably had sailed half the way from the

expensive Momentarium(Maritime museum ofexpensive Momentarium(Maritime museum ofmoments). It struck a cold bow in the harpist-moments). It struck a cold bow in the harpist-

sphere of my poetically quivering heart - But Isphere of my poetically quivering heart - But Ialways knew christmas knowledge was aalways knew christmas knowledge was atransparent branch of cactus and in fact thetransparent branch of cactus and in fact thewhole special occasion commerce tree camewhole special occasion commerce tree cameacross quite ghostly. So really there wasacross quite ghostly. So really there wasnothing to worry about, at least from anynothing to worry about, at least from any

Phoenicians worthy of attention.Phoenicians worthy of attention.

Sadly I did start to worry, but I remembered toSadly I did start to worry, but I remembered todeal with it by the hollowing method called -deal with it by the hollowing method called -Coping With Strange, Empty and FictionalCoping With Strange, Empty and FictionalPhenomena. Im nicknamed the dealer forPhenomena. Im nicknamed the dealer for

inventing this method and we have clubinventing this method and we have clubmeetings every Saturday night at your localmeetings every Saturday night at your localCWSE and FP hall.CWSE and FP hall.

The Hypothesis is so good that youll be tastingThe Hypothesis is so good that youll be tasting

the effects.the effects.

Number 1.Number 1.Take warnings with brashTake warnings with brashvagueness, ALWAYS - unless the warning comesvagueness, ALWAYS - unless the warning comesfrom within -- and in that case it probably isntfrom within -- and in that case it probably isntfictional. We call this the functional voice of thefictional. We call this the functional voice of theorganism. Not the voice of the VOICE.organism. Not the voice of the VOICE.

Number 2.Number 2. Separate the message of theSeparate the message of the


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matter from the energy of the VOICE by usingmatter from the energy of the VOICE by usingmental electrolysis. Alcohol helps some people.mental electrolysis. Alcohol helps some people.Ive heard an orange and a lemon could workIve heard an orange and a lemon could work

too. And Im able to do it with 240 volts oftoo. And Im able to do it with 240 volts ofmains power.mains power.

- Number 3.- Number 3. Turn the matter into energy andTurn the matter into energy andmake controlled thermos-nuclear energy tomake controlled thermos-nuclear energy towarm your brain.warm your brain. This is allThis is all about fusion orabout fusion orfission -- whichever one takes your fancy.fission -- whichever one takes your fancy.

- Number 4.- Number 4. Recognize the VOICE andRecognize the VOICE anddetermine the heaviness of the tone. It helps todetermine the heaviness of the tone. It helps togo on an excursion to the momentarium ofgo on an excursion to the momentarium ofmoments - for your practical exam.moments - for your practical exam.

- Number 5.- Number 5. Open the stores of perceptionOpen the stores of perceptionand sell your ideas to become a zebra-illionaireand sell your ideas to become a zebra-illionairetomorrow.tomorrow.

- On Conclusion,- On Conclusion, this should produce athis should produce a

somewha heavy-liquid solution. Once we putsomewha heavy-liquid solution. Once we put

that in the refrigerator to set for half an hour,that in the refrigerator to set for half an hour,were ready to take a slice of realizationwere ready to take a slice of realizationpavlova. Ill have the first bite. Mmm yeah,pavlova. Ill have the first bite. Mmm yeah,mmm.,.Ommm.,.O

Back on the Earth of past tense.Back on the Earth of past tense. I found theI found the

obnoxious after-taste of the VOICE hit meobnoxious after-taste of the VOICE hit meseveral times in the head, forcing me to thinkseveral times in the head, forcing me to think


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out loud.out loud. Hmm, Ive never monitored suchHmm, Ive never monitored sucha pattern of vibration synthesizinga pattern of vibration synthesizingthrough the airwaves before.through the airwaves before.

It felt as if the VOICE cut into my amazing chestIt felt as if the VOICE cut into my amazing chestlike a 2 by 4 piece of sharp wood would. Well, Ilike a 2 by 4 piece of sharp wood would. Well, Isoon as a sliver kept that idea-Hubble-soon as a sliver kept that idea-Hubble-telescope, because on the process of rolling mytelescope, because on the process of rolling myeyes down the spy-glass, every last bit of myeyes down the spy-glass, every last bit of myoptic nerve noticed constant proportions of realoptic nerve noticed constant proportions of realgood quality timber protruding into the thoraxgood quality timber protruding into the thorax

of yours truly.of yours truly.

A stake locked in my upper Chester draws?A stake locked in my upper Chester draws?No breath to squeeze the key hole? Oh yeaNo breath to squeeze the key hole? Oh yeabrother chopped down tree, is it for thebrother chopped down tree, is it for thepurpose to kill me?purpose to kill me?

Luckily I had applied electrolysis with my CWSELuckily I had applied electrolysis with my CWSEand FP technique or else I may have neverand FP technique or else I may have nevernoticed the stabbing sensation at all. That is mynoticed the stabbing sensation at all. That is mylatest trendy theory anyway.latest trendy theory anyway.

The environment was turning blurry and I couldThe environment was turning blurry and I could

hear The VOICE had binned subtle - now all outhear The VOICE had binned subtle - now all outscreeching with pious joy. I scrounged andscreeching with pious joy. I scrounged andscratched like a chook just to fondle a response,scratched like a chook just to fondle a response,Shit sticks, scrabbled out like the same typeShit sticks, scrabbled out like the same typeof poor choice I once made in a board-gameof poor choice I once made in a board-gamewith my dear old grand-mothereen.with my dear old grand-mothereen.


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Yes indeedo, I had become the vic-timber of aYes indeedo, I had become the vic-timber of avampire slayer. Where was my banshee when Ivampire slayer. Where was my banshee when Ineeded her? A long way from home I suspected.needed her? A long way from home I suspected.

I was surely dead for the last time thisI was surely dead for the last time thismonth.month.

The blurriness clearing up deafness nowThe blurriness clearing up deafness now nip-napping me a cliche strobe-light nip-napping me a cliche strobe-light some Egyptian, mythological themed casino.some Egyptian, mythological themed casino.

The VOICE,The VOICE, became the dealer at my poolbecame the dealer at my pooltable.table.

Hold em, there, The Voice ordered hisHold em, there, The Voice ordered hisEagle EyeEagle Eye frequencies.frequencies.

A pharaoh and was to break the pack. It wasA pharaoh and was to break the pack. It wasred balls verse golden ball. As he approachedred balls verse golden ball. As he approachedthe table with his Pharoah Cane all I couldthe table with his Pharoah Cane all I couldnotice was his black king crown was crookednotice was his black king crown was crookedand his black robes were faded and had greaseand his black robes were faded and had greasemarks. I couldnt see his face at all and he onlymarks. I couldnt see his face at all and he onlysmelt like fairy floss for a few seconds.smelt like fairy floss for a few seconds.

What disturbed me more is that I begun toWhat disturbed me more is that I begun tofinally consider actualizing myself as a slayerfinally consider actualizing myself as a slayerhater instigator. If I survived this new ordeal, Ihater instigator. If I survived this new ordeal, Iwould write a thousand nasty comments onwould write a thousand nasty comments onsome buffy youtube vidz. But alassie-me-some buffy youtube vidz. But alassie-me-nassie, some red poker chips of uncertaintynassie, some red poker chips of uncertaintyrallied themselves big time upon the deck of myrallied themselves big time upon the deck of my


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unfortunate cards. My hearing came back!unfortunate cards. My hearing came back!

I insant-noodled around and sea-gullied aI insant-noodled around and sea-gullied achange in my brain processor. A whole newchange in my brain processor. A whole newparadigm of electrical thought sequencesparadigm of electrical thought sequencesstarted to synthesize. I begun to affirm tostarted to synthesize. I begun to affirm tomyself a new message of hope. This slayermyself a new message of hope. This slayermight be a good guy - you know, after all - whomight be a good guy - you know, after all - whois me, to judge? Hes just living his life the bestis me, to judge? Hes just living his life the besthe can.he can.

Then I started to chant out loud O the VOICEThen I started to chant out loud O the VOICEand his slayer dealing cards! Sitting in frontand his slayer dealing cards! Sitting in frontof me, perched in deviousness, listening to myof me, perched in deviousness, listening to mychant, intent on turning me towards the door ofchant, intent on turning me towards the door ofoblivion.oblivion.

You might only slay, one at a time. Who knows,You might only slay, one at a time. Who knows,youre just living life, the best that you can.youre just living life, the best that you can.

You are the VOICE and I dont understand it.You are the VOICE and I dont understand it.

But I dont worry and I wont over-mind it.But I dont worry and I wont over-mind it.

You may settle down someday, with only 1You may settle down someday, with only 1slay-prey.slay-prey.

It is certainly one way.It is certainly one way.

For the rest of your life,For the rest of your life,

could you keep 1 slay?could you keep 1 slay?

I say, 1 slay, I say, 1 slay, I say, 1 Slay, II say, 1 slay, I say, 1 slay, I say, 1 Slay, I

say, 1 Slaysay, 1 Slay


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to keep you at bay?to keep you at bay?

Well, I noticed that red-poker chips were jack-Well, I noticed that red-poker chips were jack-potting from my mouth now. My chant had notpotting from my mouth now. My chant had notworked and old gambling grannies were comingworked and old gambling grannies were comingover like flies, to cash in on my sorrowfulover like flies, to cash in on my sorrowfulsituation. Maybe these were the Phoeniciansituation. Maybe these were the PhoenicianExcretions the VOICE warned me about. OohExcretions the VOICE warned me about. Oohsuch a tricky VOICE, saying one thing, soundingsuch a tricky VOICE, saying one thing, soundinglike another, meanwhile distracting you thelike another, meanwhile distracting you the

whole time, then bam, you have it in you chestwhole time, then bam, you have it in you chestmadam, slam dunked with 2 points of pain.madam, slam dunked with 2 points of pain.

Here I was thinking, id have more time toHere I was thinking, id have more time toreflect, boil and brew, but the VOICE pecked atreflect, boil and brew, but the VOICE pecked atmy wounds. I could feel the VOICE deepeningmy wounds. I could feel the VOICE deepeninginto my chest.into my chest.

Approaching Game Over!Approaching Game Over!

But there was no way I was going to lose thisBut there was no way I was going to lose thismerry go round with an upside down Edwardianmerry go round with an upside down Edwardianfrown. I thought I id sprucely cash in and try tofrown. I thought I id sprucely cash in and try toget out of there a-sapular.get out of there a-sapular.

So there I was grabbing at my red-poker chips,So there I was grabbing at my red-poker chips,which had fallen on the ground, but they justwhich had fallen on the ground, but they justkept on keeping on, slipping through mykept on keeping on, slipping through myphoney-beak. The VOICE laughed at my sorrowphoney-beak. The VOICE laughed at my sorrowand some of his Eagle eyed frequencies wereand some of his Eagle eyed frequencies werebeing launched to take me away for good. Ra,being launched to take me away for good. Ra,Ra, Ra, they screamed!Ra, Ra, they screamed!

I was ducking those birds of sound like a stiff oldI was ducking those birds of sound like a stiff old


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man in convulsions, all the while my energyman in convulsions, all the while my energylevels dropping like flies in a vacuum tubelevels dropping like flies in a vacuum tubecondenser. Some witnesses, thought it was ascondenser. Some witnesses, thought it was as

good as dodging bullets, since those soundsgood as dodging bullets, since those soundswere hailing at me around 1000 km per thewere hailing at me around 1000 km per theusual measurement of 60 minutes.usual measurement of 60 minutes.

It was the luck of the irish-dancers that YouIt was the luck of the irish-dancers that Youfinally pomaded some sleek oily motion in myfinally pomaded some sleek oily motion in mysomewhat statically defined dream-state-scalp.somewhat statically defined dream-state-scalp.

Everything else had ceased to move in theEverything else had ceased to move in theEgyptian-mythological themed casino and aEgyptian-mythological themed casino and amerry glow, in addition to You, was blinding allmerry glow, in addition to You, was blinding allthe frozen life-size cut outs. Left behind thisthe frozen life-size cut outs. Left behind thisdisplay of satisfaction, everything was burningdisplay of satisfaction, everything was burningin fiery melting mush mellows of oblivion.in fiery melting mush mellows of oblivion.

I was indeed very pleased thou acted like aI was indeed very pleased thou acted like a

good little equestrian mare from Rescue City. Agood little equestrian mare from Rescue City. AHigh-jumping chariot-horse coming to my first-High-jumping chariot-horse coming to my first-aids. What more could I ask?aids. What more could I ask?

Now You screamed towards the VOICE at theNow You screamed towards the VOICE at thebeginning of the Great Nasal Passages.beginning of the Great Nasal Passages.Powerful nelly tremolo of NAY, nay, NAY, nay-salPowerful nelly tremolo of NAY, nay, NAY, nay-salechoed and bellowed from the passages. Theechoed and bellowed from the passages. TheVOICE battled against them with a barrage ofVOICE battled against them with a barrage ofhis own low and high frequencies. Thehis own low and high frequencies. Thevibrations broke many windows, and even brokevibrations broke many windows, and even brokethe particles that made up the shattered glass.the particles that made up the shattered glass.This happened right up until we thought thereThis happened right up until we thought therewas going to be Nuclear fission. Becausewas going to be Nuclear fission. Becauseelectrons were strip dancing left right andelectrons were strip dancing left right and

center.center.


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I even took my shirt off, where the red pokerI even took my shirt off, where the red pokerchips intensified, between the battle of thechips intensified, between the battle of theVOICE and You, somehow the Vibrations carriedVOICE and You, somehow the Vibrations carried

those bloody chips right at the VOICE. They hitthose bloody chips right at the VOICE. They hithim square in the speaker phone box and brokehim square in the speaker phone box and brokehis oscillator.his oscillator.

The slayer fein squelched and bolted outer theThe slayer fein squelched and bolted outer thecrumbling Pyramid like a smokey flash of atmos-crumbling Pyramid like a smokey flash of atmos-fearic ionization. Only he did leave behind hisfearic ionization. Only he did leave behind his

crown. I called out, Mister VOICE, you forgotcrown. I called out, Mister VOICE, you forgotyour hat. But he never came back and we putyour hat. But he never came back and we putthe crown on display in the CWSE and FPthe crown on display in the CWSE and FPmuseum.museum.

Back at the scene, You tepidly swerved directionBack at the scene, You tepidly swerved direction

towards my flesh vexation and staked me outtowards my flesh vexation and staked me out

propel lo, once and for all, or at least twice,propel lo, once and for all, or at least twice,because it accidently shoved back in with somebecause it accidently shoved back in with someleft over life force.left over life force.

You took me against my wishes to see aYou took me against my wishes to see aspecialist. She found out with some simple,specialist. She found out with some simple,

natural tests that I was not a vampire, as such.natural tests that I was not a vampire, as such.Although I was apparently lucky the VOICE-Although I was apparently lucky the VOICE-SLAYER-DUDE, didnt use the Garlic found in theSLAYER-DUDE, didnt use the Garlic found in themorning-tea-scrolls from our earlier android-morning-tea-scrolls from our earlier android-

toilet salvage missiontoilet salvage mission or elseor else I may haveI may haveindeedo been completely vanquished!indeedo been completely vanquished!

You later told me that it was the eagle eyes that savedYou later told me that it was the eagle eyes that saved


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the day and now it was I, who was wrapped up in thethe day and now it was I, who was wrapped up in the

stupendous hypnotic-ball of tension, waiting like astupendous hypnotic-ball of tension, waiting like a

goose at the think station. When will my train arrive?goose at the think station. When will my train arrive?

The so far speechless figurine of the allegory,The so far speechless figurine of the allegory,was due to derive from the train any minutewas due to derive from the train any minutenow.now.

I quickly told You a couple things about him.I quickly told You a couple things about him.Hes not really a human bean so to speak. He isHes not really a human bean so to speak. He is

more than a human bean would want to dreammore than a human bean would want to dream he is a subjected being just as I told you he is a subjected being just as I told youonce, upon a woman, in the night sky.once, upon a woman, in the night sky.

Alas, I cannot hold back the past from yeAlas, I cannot hold back the past from yeonlooker any longer. I must abandon thisonlooker any longer. I must abandon thisintroductory fiasco and uncloak the identity ofintroductory fiasco and uncloak the identity ofthe protagoniser. Well, of course, my gentlethe protagoniser. Well, of course, my gentle

talking female golf cart and horse, thetalking female golf cart and horse, thesubjected being stepping off that train is nonesubjected being stepping off that train is noneother than... Garlic.other than... Garlic.

Chapter 1. The Garlic SphereChapter 1. The Garlic Sphere

Garlic was born-eod into THE VERY BIGGER thanGarlic was born-eod into THE VERY BIGGER thansome, the very extraordinary, Lily clan of Centralsome, the very extraordinary, Lily clan of CentralAsia. Strictly chewing garlic-gum, it was the AlliumAsia. Strictly chewing garlic-gum, it was the Alliumfamily that delightfully raisin-ed him and raisin-fedfamily that delightfully raisin-ed him and raisin-fedhim they did, like the yeast of a dozen home madehim they did, like the yeast of a dozen home madefruit-loaves.fruit-loaves.

In a small little, Un-olympic village surrounded byIn a small little, Un-olympic village surrounded by


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coconut palms, during the years which we do notcoconut palms, during the years which we do notoften illegally record - unless we are basically bad-often illegally record - unless we are basically bad-ass Ancient Historians - there flay away, a littleass Ancient Historians - there flay away, a littlecottage cheese hut carrying such an aromaticcottage cheese hut carrying such an aromaticnurturing environment, it couldnt help but sproutnurturing environment, it couldnt help but sproutthe little Garlic bulb.the little Garlic bulb.

Once you peeled off the layers and looked inside,Once you peeled off the layers and looked inside,you could see his parents in the nursery, so proudyou could see his parents in the nursery, so proudand loud announcing to themselves, We haveand loud announcing to themselves, We haveprovided some favorable conditions for our littleprovided some favorable conditions for our littlebulb of lightbulb of light

Many corporate folk-heads sneakered behind theirMany corporate folk-heads sneakered behind theirback-bones, saying Garlic was small and deficientlyback-bones, saying Garlic was small and deficientlystunted.stunted.

But what did they know about any thin other thanBut what did they know about any thin other thanno-thin? Garlic was bound to grow up as theno-thin? Garlic was bound to grow up as thebrawniest brainchild ever. It was all theoreticalbrawniest brainchild ever. It was all theoreticalasparagus anyway.asparagus anyway.

On one very ethereal night synthesized by a titanicOn one very ethereal night synthesized by a titanicblizzard, the vines of a cameo appeared upon theblizzard, the vines of a cameo appeared upon thefront step of the cottage cheese hut. It was reallyfront step of the cottage cheese hut. It was reallyHavoc King and he was coming down fierce withHavoc King and he was coming down fierce withwind and snow. There was an explicit knock on thewind and snow. There was an explicit knock on thedoor and Onion knew it wasnt actually Havoc Kingdoor and Onion knew it wasnt actually Havoc King

rattling the hinges of the iron door knocker.rattling the hinges of the iron door knocker.Someone in the form of organized-particles wasSomeone in the form of organized-particles wastrying to gain entry. However the door that used totrying to gain entry. However the door that used tobear acorns was not about to open unless Onionbear acorns was not about to open unless Onionunlocked it . As Onion approached the frontunlocked it . As Onion approached the frontentrance, the unknown pedestrian begun to knockentrance, the unknown pedestrian begun to knockwith louder life-force.with louder life-force.

Onion called out. Im coming, dont worry, butOnion called out. Im coming, dont worry, but

when he opened the door the man stumbled rightwhen he opened the door the man stumbled right


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on past onion, almost falling violently to the floor.on past onion, almost falling violently to the floor.

HEY! Onion proclaimed his aim on authority.HEY! Onion proclaimed his aim on authority.

The man turned in rather embarrassment reply, IThe man turned in rather embarrassment reply, Iam so sorry I was knocking on the door with myam so sorry I was knocking on the door with myhead and when you opened it, I lost my old-schoolhead and when you opened it, I lost my old-schoolbalance!balance!

Good gracious spaciously co-existing creature,Good gracious spaciously co-existing creature,why would try to hemorrhage your cranium upon awhy would try to hemorrhage your cranium upon abig oak door? Are there not serious cerebral spinalbig oak door? Are there not serious cerebral spinalconsequences?, and Onion peered down upon theconsequences?, and Onion peered down upon the

man, through his spectacles and noticed howman, through his spectacles and noticed howtough the mans head was.tough the mans head was.

The woods ejected a very odd creature upon theThe woods ejected a very odd creature upon theCottage Cheese Hut tonight, Onion thought. TheCottage Cheese Hut tonight, Onion thought. Theman looked back at Onion, his face was very oldman looked back at Onion, his face was very oldbut he seemed to have the energy of a youngbut he seemed to have the energy of a youngbuck.buck.

Tell me sir. Are you Onion- the guardian of Garlic?Tell me sir. Are you Onion- the guardian of Garlic?

Onion suspiciously withheld the information and repliedOnion suspiciously withheld the information and replied

with a question of his own, Who are you?with a question of his own, Who are you?

The man had miniature icicles hanging from his nose. HisThe man had miniature icicles hanging from his nose. His

rather child-like demeanor -- with his neck rolling aroundrather child-like demeanor -- with his neck rolling around

curiously as he shivered and sniffled forced Onion tocuriously as he shivered and sniffled forced Onion to

invite him into the fire room to warm up.invite him into the fire room to warm up.

Tulip herself had been sitting next to the fire placeTulip herself had been sitting next to the fire placeknitting. She was already wondering what wasknitting. She was already wondering what wasgoing on, but she was in the zone and didnt wantgoing on, but she was in the zone and didnt wantto disrupt her rhythm. The men came through andto disrupt her rhythm. The men came through and

Tulip grudgingly put down her work.Tulip grudgingly put down her work.

She noticed the strangers bizarre hair at once. ItShe noticed the strangers bizarre hair at once. Itwas like it was made of wood. If it wasnt somewas like it was made of wood. If it wasnt somesort of hat, it was the strongest, toughest hairsort of hat, it was the strongest, toughest hair


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shed ever seen.shed ever seen.

Hello, my name is Silvanus, but you may call meHello, my name is Silvanus, but you may call meSilva. as he walked to to the fire. I am a bit of aSilva. as he walked to to the fire. I am a bit of a

soft wood, but thank you very much for this fire,soft wood, but thank you very much for this fire,you have dried me up nicely, I shall no longer beyou have dried me up nicely, I shall no longer besusceptible to rot.susceptible to rot.

What are you some type of half-tree, half human?,What are you some type of half-tree, half human?,asked Tulip.asked Tulip.

No Tulip I am one of the children of Gaia. I am theNo Tulip I am one of the children of Gaia. I am thewoodland deity.woodland deity.

Onion scoffed immediately, Pfft, you are whatOnion scoffed immediately, Pfft, you are whatnow? We dont need a figure of sanctity thank younow? We dont need a figure of sanctity thank you

Be quite On, and Tulip turned eerily to askBe quite On, and Tulip turned eerily to askSilvanus, How did you know my name Mr Silva?Silvanus, How did you know my name Mr Silva?

Yes, Ill tell you now. I am keeper of our cliffyYes, Ill tell you now. I am keeper of our cliffycontours, the Great Mountain Forest has been ourcontours, the Great Mountain Forest has been ourpeaceful home for countless millennia.peaceful home for countless millennia.

Wait one inert minute, interrupted Onion, If youWait one inert minute, interrupted Onion, If youare the Keeper of our great lands - how come weare the Keeper of our great lands - how come wehave never heard of you?have never heard of you?

To be honest Onion replied Silvanus, We dontTo be honest Onion replied Silvanus, We dontneed to know about me. I am just the soul of the allneed to know about me. I am just the soul of the allcreatures, living in these woods. But danger iscreatures, living in these woods. But danger isbeing played in a great game of jeopardybeing played in a great game of jeopardy

Tulip politely and beautifully requested he revealTulip politely and beautifully requested he revealmore at once, Oh please do go on then.more at once, Oh please do go on then.

Well I saw Pan, one of my co-relations, comingWell I saw Pan, one of my co-relations, comingfrom the South with great stampedes of birds andfrom the South with great stampedes of birds andanimals and an army of Neanderthals. I started toanimals and an army of Neanderthals. I started topanic. Global Warming must have been true afterpanic. Global Warming must have been true afterall.all.

I scurried over to him and He confirmed,the waterI scurried over to him and He confirmed,the water


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levels are rising, we seek refuge in your land.levels are rising, we seek refuge in your land.

I said, What, this is the home of homo sapienI said, What, this is the home of homo sapienSilvanus. If you bring those Neanderthals with you,Silvanus. If you bring those Neanderthals with you,

theyll start wars with my peopletheyll start wars with my peoplePan said, first things first, we need a place toPan said, first things first, we need a place toescape the floods, and we come in peace.escape the floods, and we come in peace.

Ok Pan, ill see what I can do.Ok Pan, ill see what I can do.

But I didnt trust him. He always made me panic. IBut I didnt trust him. He always made me panic. Imight be our down fall because I dont know howmight be our down fall because I dont know howto handle the situation.to handle the situation.

Onion and Tulip thought the old man looked wise,Onion and Tulip thought the old man looked wise,but his last statement was issuing them a differentbut his last statement was issuing them a differentopinion.opinion.

My gushers, the homo sapien silvanus in theseMy gushers, the homo sapien silvanus in thesewoods are virgins to the outside world. They werewoods are virgins to the outside world. They werepristine bitches. I knew it could not last forever.pristine bitches. I knew it could not last forever.But now they are in danger of completeBut now they are in danger of completeextinction.extinction.

Oh no!, cried Tulip.Oh no!, cried Tulip.

Onion clambered out of his seat. Do you mean toOnion clambered out of his seat. Do you mean tosay the Great People here are threatened.say the Great People here are threatened.

Yes thats what I am saying.Yes thats what I am saying.

I am saying it. Theyre coming. Pan is leadingI am saying it. Theyre coming. Pan is leadingneanderthals this way, they are bringing with themneanderthals this way, they are bringing with themtheir wolves and hunting eagles. Vultures andtheir wolves and hunting eagles. Vultures andfelines follow in hope of corpse and survival.felines follow in hope of corpse and survival.

So this is why it is blizzarding. Ive never seenSo this is why it is blizzarding. Ive never seen


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weather like this. Its always been rain andweather like this. Its always been rain andsunshine in these parts. We are merely soilsunshine in these parts. We are merely soilentities. We can not help.entities. We can not help.

I know Onion, Tulip. You must stay and propogate.I know Onion, Tulip. You must stay and propogate.You shall survive in these necks of the Earth.You shall survive in these necks of the Earth.

But the Homo-Sapien-Silvanus. They need Garlic.But the Homo-Sapien-Silvanus. They need Garlic.They will need his passion and spice in order toThey will need his passion and spice in order tosurvive the coming tides of misfortune.survive the coming tides of misfortune.

Hes only a child!Hes only a child!

Hes maturing very quickly. It will only be a fewHes maturing very quickly. It will only be a fewweeks now and hell be ready.weeks now and hell be ready.

Ok but what about the people in the mean time?Ok but what about the people in the mean time?

Ive told them to lay low in their tree homes, theyIve told them to lay low in their tree homes, theyhave hugehave huge


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Nice to meet you they replied, as they realizedNice to meet you they replied, as they realizedSilva was waiting for a reply.Silva was waiting for a reply.

I have brought you information. It is secret gaiaI have brought you information. It is secret gaiaknowledge. The forest spoke to me tonight. I wasknowledge. The forest spoke to me tonight. I wassheltered in my tree house and I noticed thatsheltered in my tree house and I noticed thatHavoc King had stopped. I went outside for a peek.Havoc King had stopped. I went outside for a peek.

The wind bleThe wind ble

I have come to tell you both that the forest hasI have come to tell you both that the forest hasspoken to me. It is said that your son will have aspoken to me. It is said that your son will have aspecial power in serving the world. Dont look toospecial power in serving the world. Dont look tooshocked. He shall warm the blood of people . Heshocked. He shall warm the blood of people . He

will do this via food. He will be a chef. Specializingwill do this via food. He will be a chef. Specializingin tantalizing aromas. He shall never holdin tantalizing aromas. He shall never holdfascination towards brine or pickels. Yet he hasfascination towards brine or pickels. Yet he hasbeen weakened into a sense of believing orbeen weakened into a sense of believing ortrusting everyone. No matter what you tell Garlic,trusting everyone. No matter what you tell Garlic,he will always believe what he told. However justhe will always believe what he told. However justlike you too, he will know by the quality of vibrationlike you too, he will know by the quality of vibrationwhether it is good or bad. Thats why you let mewhether it is good or bad. Thats why you let me

into your house isnt it? I had a decent vibration.into your house isnt it? I had a decent vibration.


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Yes, indeed you are right about our sense ofYes, indeed you are right about our sense ofvibration in this family. Yet I am deeply concernedvibration in this family. Yet I am deeply concerned

about this information you know. How indeed doabout this information you know. How indeed doyou know it?you know it?

I am the woodland deity. The trees have told me. II am the woodland deity. The trees have told me. Iam just a mere messenger really.am just a mere messenger really.

Oh but I shall feel compelled to hide my gullibleOh but I shall feel compelled to hide my gulliblechild from the world. said tulip.child from the world. said tulip.

Please do not. For you shall always rememberPlease do not. For you shall always rememberthat he will warm the blood of people. that he will warm the blood of people.

So he shall be a great benefactor to the world?So he shall be a great benefactor to the world?

Well actually, only if he tricked. But someone whoWell actually, only if he tricked. But someone whois to trick Garlic will have believe themselves asis to trick Garlic will have believe themselves aswell.well.

What do you mean?What do you mean?

Nature never tells us a lie and you can pick it upNature never tells us a lie and you can pick it upin the vibration of one. This may be an example. Ifin the vibration of one. This may be an example. Ifa child at school believes in Santa Clause, anda child at school believes in Santa Clause, andGarlic has previously been told Santa Clause is notGarlic has previously been told Santa Clause is notreal, and this child tells Garlic Santa Clause is real -real, and this child tells Garlic Santa Clause is real -

then Garlic will then again believe Santa Clause isthen Garlic will then again believe Santa Clause is


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real.real.

How can he forget?How can he forget?

Its one of the mysteries of Garlic.Its one of the mysteries of Garlic.

As Garlic grew up he found a laborious, passionateAs Garlic grew up he found a laborious, passionatebonanza for food, as well as the preparation ofbonanza for food, as well as the preparation ofwholesome foodstufflings. Garlic was quite possiblywholesome foodstufflings. Garlic was quite possiblythe Mozart of a new romantic culinary movement.the Mozart of a new romantic culinary movement.

This young prodigy was a food poet, artfullyThis young prodigy was a food poet, artfullyspeaking. Focus was laid down upon the marriagespeaking. Focus was laid down upon the marriageof flavors and all the enjoyable, sensual, rawof flavors and all the enjoyable, sensual, raw

sensations were invited to the wedding. Bysensations were invited to the wedding. Bycreating new stories upon the taste buds, peoplecreating new stories upon the taste buds, peoplewho ate Garlics food were re-living experiences,who ate Garlics food were re-living experiences,through the wise nutritional anecdotes of thethrough the wise nutritional anecdotes of theGarden of Eating. The recipes written were lyrics ofGarden of Eating. The recipes written were lyrics oflove for food and after some years of practice,love for food and after some years of practice,neighbors were starting to tune in on his array ofneighbors were starting to tune in on his array ofpiquant melodies. As the taste spread throughpiquant melodies. As the taste spread through

peoples muzzles like the tempo of fire, it wasntpeoples muzzles like the tempo of fire, it wasntthe bulbing stars work that started to get hot, itthe bulbing stars work that started to get hot, itwas the number of folk knocking down on thewas the number of folk knocking down on theAllium familys door. They either came to ask forAllium familys door. They either came to ask forhis help or to pay him delicious lip service, but thehis help or to pay him delicious lip service, but thesmell of sweat and urine was unbearable. So muchsmell of sweat and urine was unbearable. So muchso that Garlic was getting saturated by the steamyso that Garlic was getting saturated by the steamyconditions. Garlic had to leave the smelly boilingconditions. Garlic had to leave the smelly boiling

geyser and find a more favourable environment forgeyser and find a more favourable environment forhis growth and development. The whole family washis growth and development. The whole family was


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getting soaked too, so they left the slosh by soggygetting soaked too, so they left the slosh by soggyold root and journeyed West for a new beginning.old root and journeyed West for a new beginning.

Garlic said goodbye to the foundations of hisGarlic said goodbye to the foundations of his

palette, but his good work stayed in operationpalette, but his good work stayed in operationthroughout the East.throughout the East.

The geyser was still following them as theyThe geyser was still following them as theytravelled, in fact it was in front of them too. Peopletravelled, in fact it was in front of them too. Peoplewere already celebrating the arrival of Garlic in thewere already celebrating the arrival of Garlic in theholy lands with much anticipation. They thoughtholy lands with much anticipation. They thought

he would bring something a grail filled with newhe would bring something a grail filled with newand exciting spices. Garlic, shouted one man,and exciting spices. Garlic, shouted one man,come to my house. You must know what to do tocome to my house. You must know what to do tomy hummus. Garlic hummed humbly , but hismy hummus. Garlic hummed humbly , but hisparents pulled him along. Onion and Tulip wereparents pulled him along. Onion and Tulip wereheaded for Rome. Uncle Leek had invited them toheaded for Rome. Uncle Leek had invited them tostay. Some soldiers approached them on camels.stay. Some soldiers approached them on camels.

Tulip was terrified of the camels. A letter fromTulip was terrified of the camels. A letter from

Persia told them they could leave Arabia, if GarlicPersia told them they could leave Arabia, if Garlicwhipped up a cracking meal for the King. Thewhipped up a cracking meal for the King. Theguards left but not before one of the camelsguards left but not before one of the camelsinstinctively spat on Tulip.instinctively spat on Tulip.

A chariot came back for the folk where they hadA chariot came back for the folk where they hadbeen told to wait. Garlic was chomping on datesbeen told to wait. Garlic was chomping on datesafter he had climbed a date palm. He echoedafter he had climbed a date palm. He echoed

down between the open street, it is coming.down between the open street, it is coming.

Garlic was excited about getting some fastGarlic was excited about getting some fasttransport, he didnt know how far the Palace was,transport, he didnt know how far the Palace was,but surely this would save some time. Onionbut surely this would save some time. Onionreckoned it was fishy business, but Persia was areckoned it was fishy business, but Persia was apowerful empire. Not one to be rejected. Tulip waspowerful empire. Not one to be rejected. Tulip was

just worried that camels were going to be carryingjust worried that camels were going to be carryingthe wheeled vehicle. It was a big chariot. They allthe wheeled vehicle. It was a big chariot. They all

jellied in. It was a long trip, but maybe a little toojellied in. It was a long trip, but maybe a little tooSouth for Onions liking.South for Onions liking.


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The Alliums didnt know maps too well, they wereThe Alliums didnt know maps too well, they wereconstantly asking people for directions. Theconstantly asking people for directions. Thesoldier controlling the Chariot did not speak. Hesoldier controlling the Chariot did not speak. He

just occasionally flared his nostrils and squinted,just occasionally flared his nostrils and squinted,from the dust of the road.from the dust of the road.

At the palace they were greeted with Jasmines.At the palace they were greeted with Jasmines.Garlic was very taken by their beautiful fragrance,Garlic was very taken by their beautiful fragrance,but also their attractive appearance. Garlic wasbut also their attractive appearance. Garlic wasespecially taken back by one of them wearing aespecially taken back by one of them wearing ayellow dress.yellow dress.

A war elephant took Garlic through to Greece,A war elephant took Garlic through to Greece,where a battle was going to take place, untilwhere a battle was going to take place, untilGreece heard of the arrival of Garlic. The war wasGreece heard of the arrival of Garlic. The war wasput off.put off.

Greece. People threw their tomatoes at Garlic, butGreece. People threw their tomatoes at Garlic, butnot to injure him. But as if to say - hello Garlic, willnot to injure him. But as if to say - hello Garlic, willyou spice up this tomato? A great tomato fightyou spice up this tomato? A great tomato fight

proceeded, when Garlic thought to be cheeky.proceeded, when Garlic thought to be cheeky.People literally ate the remaining sloppy mess -People literally ate the remaining sloppy mess -believing the red fruit had changed in taste. Otherbelieving the red fruit had changed in taste. Otherthan the squishy texture - garlics hands had notthan the squishy texture - garlics hands had notdone anything to the tom toms.done anything to the tom toms.

Greece enjoyed Garlics brief stay and theGreece enjoyed Garlics brief stay and the

incredible influence of their cuisine.incredible influence of their cuisine.


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They want on to Rome.They want on to Rome.

Uncle Leek was popular himself. A close assistantUncle Leek was popular himself. A close assistantto Caesar.to Caesar.

Garlic made caesar a meal and caesar felt sick andGarlic made caesar a meal and caesar felt sick andthen better.then better.

He claimed Garlic had cured his sickness.He claimed Garlic had cured his sickness.

All of Rome from then on celebrated Garlic as aAll of Rome from then on celebrated Garlic as ahealer.healer.

Garlic thought it was weird and didnt believe heGarlic thought it was weird and didnt believe he

was a healer. He thought he was an mealwas a healer. He thought he was an mealorganiser at best.organiser at best.

Garlic left the crazy Romans and travelled down toGarlic left the crazy Romans and travelled down toEgypt. This is where he remained until heEgypt. This is where he remained until hematured. This is where he got his famous spearmatured. This is where he got his famous spearand pierced himself into the position of global chiefand pierced himself into the position of global chief

of spices. Many accolades and success followed, asof spices. Many accolades and success followed, ashe was awarded with a beautiful flower for hishe was awarded with a beautiful flower for hisefforts in Italy. The Irish said the world was lucky toefforts in Italy. The Irish said the world was lucky tohave him and begun talking in Gaelic. Some of thehave him and begun talking in Gaelic. Some of theFrench even called themselves Gallic in honour ofFrench even called themselves Gallic in honour ofthe . Asia just simply adored his style, alwaysthe . Asia just simply adored his style, alwaysclaiming that was his true home and Latin Americaclaiming that was his true home and Latin Americacompared his flavor to that of Ricky Martins. Garliccompared his flavor to that of Ricky Martins. Garlic

was more popular than Oil in holy lands of thewas more popular than Oil in holy lands of themiddle east and in Greek Mythology hemiddle east and in Greek Mythology herevolutionized their salad, which strengthenrevolutionized their salad, which strengthenAchilles heel and gave Zeus a Zest like no other.Achilles heel and gave Zeus a Zest like no other.But things got a bit out of hand when wise lordsBut things got a bit out of hand when wise lordssaid Garlic brought more peace and prosperity tosaid Garlic brought more peace and prosperity tothe world than Jesus Christ Superstar the musical.the world than Jesus Christ Superstar the musical.

The Romans thought Garlic was almighty and couldThe Romans thought Garlic was almighty and could

miraculously heal people with his wicked trading-miraculously heal people with his wicked trading-


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card properties.card properties.

However not everyone liked The Garlic. In fact theyHowever not everyone liked The Garlic. In fact theycalled him poison, they thought his pungency wascalled him poison, they thought his pungency wasdetestable, they even claimed him to be as corruptdetestable, they even claimed him to be as corruptas the old English Mustard.as the old English Mustard.

It wasnt until he had a relationship with his closeIt wasnt until he had a relationship with his closerelative Miss Onion Chives as things started torelative Miss Onion Chives as things started tospiralise down for Garlic. It all happened on thespiralise down for Garlic. It all happened on thenight Old English Mustard was having a party.night Old English Mustard was having a party.

It was a hot saucy night. In fact Tomato Sauce wasIt was a hot saucy night. In fact Tomato Sauce wasthrowing herself over everyone, including Mayo -throwing herself over everyone, including Mayo -the chosen one. Mayo had recently been touted asthe chosen one. Mayo had recently been touted asthe best in the world. He had made it clear hethe best in the world. He had made it clear he

wanted to get rid of Mr Garlic Clove or absorb himwanted to get rid of Mr Garlic Clove or absorb himinto a new condiment concoction . Well the pressinto a new condiment concoction . Well the presswere all over it, werent they, parked out side ofwere all over it, werent they, parked out side ofthe party with their capturing devices.. If Garlicthe party with their capturing devices.. If Garlicgot absorbed by Mayo that would be the end ofgot absorbed by Mayo that would be the end ofhim. There was no way he wanted to get vinegaryhim. There was no way he wanted to get vinegaryhowever he had to make an appearance. Garlichowever he had to make an appearance. Garlicwas a tough bulb plus the party was being held onwas a tough bulb plus the party was being held on

one of the 1000 islands of the Condiments Isles.one of the 1000 islands of the Condiments Isles.

When Garlic arrived arm in arm with lady OnionWhen Garlic arrived arm in arm with lady OnionChives he heard snide comments but he and OnionChives he heard snide comments but he and Onionchose to ignored them, instead absorbing thechose to ignored them, instead absorbing thearomas of the social function. The smells werearomas of the social function. The smells werepowerful and any normal folk would pass out withpowerful and any normal folk would pass out with

one whiff. They were all the same elements but inone whiff. They were all the same elements but indifferent proportions. Garlic liked the smell of Mrsdifferent proportions. Garlic liked the smell of Mrs


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Cinnamon as she offered them drinks as they satCinnamon as she offered them drinks as they satdown in the entrance of Old English Mustardsdown in the entrance of Old English Mustardsmansion.mansion.

Hello Garlic and Onion - youre hair looksHello Garlic and Onion - youre hair looksamazing, my eyes have been peeled on it sinceamazing, my eyes have been peeled on it sinceyou walked through the door.you walked through the door.

Hi Cinndy! - thanks, its LAYEREDHi Cinndy! - thanks, its LAYERED

Indeed so thick and juicy, just like these drinks.Indeed so thick and juicy, just like these drinks.Would you care for one?Would you care for one?

Why yes please, and Garlic took one and gave itWhy yes please, and Garlic took one and gave itto Onion and then one for himself. Onion noticed ato Onion and then one for himself. Onion noticed asad look on Cinnamons face.sad look on Cinnamons face.

How are you and Mr Old English Mustard?How are you and Mr Old English Mustard?

Cinnamon looked down and replied, Not tooCinnamon looked down and replied, Not tooexcellent. I suspect him of cheating on me withexcellent. I suspect him of cheating on me withtomato sauce and hes always hanging out withtomato sauce and hes always hanging out withMayo these days. I guess we werent made forMayo these days. I guess we werent made foreach other.each other.

Onion stroked Cinnamons arm, while Garlic wasOnion stroked Cinnamons arm, while Garlic wassecretly enjoying the waft of Cinnamon was turningsecretly enjoying the waft of Cinnamon was turningout as she walked away.out as she walked away.

Mayo walked into the foyer and approached Garlic.Mayo walked into the foyer and approached Garlic.

Garlic, you smelly bastard.Garlic, you smelly bastard.

Oh Hey Mayo, how many additives are youOh Hey Mayo, how many additives are youpushing these days? The rush feel good?pushing these days? The rush feel good?

How about you get off the bread garlic and letHow about you get off the bread garlic and letMaster Mayo get on.Master Mayo get on.

Its all yours, but I dont think you can make theIts all yours, but I dont think you can make the

bread, let alone get on it.bread, let alone get on it.


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Garlic bites a reporter because the party chops upGarlic bites a reporter because the party chops uponion. Everyones crying.onion. Everyones crying.

GARLIC AND THE SEEDS OF ENTITY

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